Anugerah Perkhidmatan Cemerlang (APC) 2024 @ Concorde Hotel, Shah Alam : A Stela of Shahrill’s Emancipation From Depression – The Unlimited Defying Gravity, For Good!

Posted by Shahrill Ramli on November 12, 2025
Posted in: Joie De Vivre, My Promise @ Road To Recovery, Professional Life, Searching My Soul- Back To Basic. Tagged: , , , , . Leave a comment

Kini!
Jika aku kaucari pandang langit barat,
Kueratkan janjimu, semua berhak untuk terbang!
Walau kuterbang solo, aku tak tergari…
Yang menggugatku, ingat sumpahku ini!
Sesungguhnya, kumenangkis graviti,
Terbang tinggi menangkis graviti!
Hingga namaku gemilang!
Tak terbatas, tak terbatas, tak terbatas….!

– “Menangkis Graviti” (Malaysian version of “Defying Gravity”) sung by Liza Hanim as Elphaba.

Image

This moment, a personal victory rather than professional accolade. Proof of my emancipation from depression. Alhamdulillah, God SWT has been kind to me this year throughout 2025, so far. I am genuinely grateful. Syukr!

This event deserves a blog entry. Alhamdulillah! For the second time throughout my 15 years stint as a Government Civilian, I have been awarded the Excellence in Service accolade or Anugerah Perkhidmatan Kecemerlangan (APC). The first time was in 2014 for the 2013 work tasks (REFER to https://undomiel84.wordpress.com/2014/06/21/alhamdulillah-a-recognition-for-a-5-years-old-malaysian-teacher-2010-2014-majlis-sambutan-hari-guru-2014-anugerah-perkhidmatan-cemerlang-2013-daerah-hulu-selangor/). What makes this time so special for me is that the recognition was based on my professionalism as a teacher during the period of time when I was experiencing depression circa June-December 2024. Rebirth from calamity, I fly to reality; I defy the gravity and is flying on my broom now leaving the suffocating emotional chains that used to hold me back!

Image

The 11 years hiatus between the First APC and Second APC. Alhamdulillah.

I guess everyone will say he or she does the best in the jobs and deserve any accolade bestowed upon him/her, no? I of no exception, as well. However, I believe that I deserve this not because I am better than anyone else BUT because I gave my best during the tumultuous times. When it was hard for me to even rise up from the bed, I manage to execute the responsibilities diligently. To quote Sushmita Sen who was often pitted against the majestically beautiful Aishwarya Rai by the Indian media on whether she actually ‘deserved’ to win the Miss India title whereas the latter who was fans’ favourite ended up as the first runner-up :-

“I do believe in two things: One, that night, I was the best and that’s why I deserved to win, not because I was better than someone else. It is only because I was at my best.”

Like I mentioned in my previous post, late May until December 2024 was a suffocating period for me. I was heartbroken. I didn’t have the appetite to socialize or to savour life. I was having depression. I isolated myself during weekends, rarely wanting to participate family affairs; avoiding hanging outs with friends and often cooped myself in the house, particularly on bed. I was just so drained and the most comfortable deviation mechanism on that particular time was to simply lay down. However on professional facade, I still delivered my tasks as a teacher, fulfilling responsibilities that were entrusted to me : –

  • My attendance improved tremendously during 2024 as I only took 5 days of MCs and merely two days leaves due to Mak’s hemorrhagic dengue – in comparison to the years when I was struggling with my PhD where I often took MCs for granted (as token of human rights! lol!) – I was so ashamed of myself seeing the Buku Perkhidmatan’s records prior to 2024! That was a waking up call!;
  • I am an early bird to the school; I would be in school by 6.35 a.m. every morning;
  • I always submit my Lesson Plans on time every Friday morning and hence awarded as one of the recipients for Best E-Lesson Plans of SK Serendah in 2024; 
  • I handled the Majlis Apresiasi Pemimpin Muda (Prefects’ Luncheon) at Perdana KLCC Hotel. 
  • Emceeing countless of internal school events and NGOs throughout 2024. 

Image

Collage of memories during APC 2024. Appreciation from Headmistress; meeting up old colleagues – Kak Jun who is already a retiree and Kak Wahida who now serves as PK Kokurikulum at SK Kuala Kubu Bharu. Me? I still give the chance for THAT plan to materialize until end of this year. If I still don’t get any answer by the end of 2025, I am going to start gearing up for others! I am ready. 

During the school holidays from February-March 2025; I actually received a message from the Headmistress asking me to fill up a form – to justify my nomination as one of the recipients for Excellence Award (Anugerah Perkhidmatan Kecemerlangan) or APC. Truthfully if I were to receive this prior to 2024; I would be pumped with euphoric excitement – but I guess at that moment when the heart really genuinely not striving for that anymore; I was feeling indifferent – just went with the flow of situation. And I also realized that my Buku Perkhidmatan’s record prior to 2024 wasn’t that clean-cut : numerous MCs and school leaves due to tonsillitis and PhD matters. Nonetheless, it was until by the end of July 2025 that it became a legit news when the Headmistress announced my name along with 7 other colleagues during the Monday morning assembly as the recipients of APC! A pleasant surprise; Alhamdulillah. 

Image

The official ceremony to recognize the Hulu Selangor’s APC recipients was held at Shah Alam’s Concorde Hotel – my favourite lodging y’all! LOL!- on 27th October 2025. So, 11 years ago I received the recognition at the hall of Akademi BOMBA dan Penyelamat Kuala Kubu; this time around, the Hulu Selangor District Education Office decided to do it at Shah Alam. It went well. For me, it was more of a personal victory rather than professional accolade. A proof of my emancipation from the depression. I have been explicit in expressing that the film “Wicked” was an eminent valve that helped me to emancipate from the emotional turmoil.

Image

The appreciation banner hung at the school to honour us, the APC recipients of 2024. Alhamdulillah.

For 4 years, I was in the bubble thinking I was some kind of a special person in a bond that I thought was unlike any other. We were bonded over intellectual interactions and I regarded this person as someone like Shams Tabrizi for Rumi – a spiritual mentor and lover. Through this person, I was introduced to Imam al-Ghazali’s book “Wonders of the Heart” which is part of his famous Kitab Ihya Ulumuddin as well as Seneca, the Father of Stoicism. A respectable figure in the field and coincidentally happened to be one of Kat’s guest speakers in her INTAN programmes (Haha!), this intellectual relationship gave me the motivation to expedite the progress of my PhD – with that idea that getting my doctorate was a formal induction into the world of this person’s prestige. However, I finally learned that stoic nonchalance could never suit my nature as a sensitive childlike. On the facade of relationship dynamics; to be with someone charismatic and no-nonsense intelligent seemed to be somewhat in the utopian Fantasy-Wishlist Ticked – you felt gravitated towards the magnet exuded – but soon realized that the lacking of human sensitivity really takes a toll upon you. As you can read in the previous posts, I was then unexpectedly ensnared in depression from June till December 2024 when the tie was abruptly severed. Isolated myself from socialization and mostly bedridden. Like a Ghost in a Shell. Walking Zombie. I executed all of my responsibilities as a teacher diligently yet unbeknownst to many, I wasn’t living inside. In all the truth, I didn’t feel happy to live. Up until my nephew Rifqi shared with me the film “Wicked” via Telegram. I heard about the immense hype on this movie so I decided to watch it. Boy, I was blown away by Cynthia Erivo’s portrayal as Elphaba, the Wicked Witch of the West. Her rendition of “I’m Not That Girl” encapsulated the root of the depression – the gasp and breath – while “Defying Gravity” catapulted the resurrected confidence and willpower to live! I started 2025 with a new hashtag #ShahrillsDefyingGravityAndBeyond as my motto and Alhamdulillah, it exudes positive aura throughout the year until this very moment. I guess words do have powers! And now, I am all changed For Good. Coincidentally, my life resonates with the plot to be featured in the second part of “Wicked”, retitled “Wicked : For Good.” The lyrics of the titular song echoes to the closure I am holding on.  

Image

The transformation of Elphaba. In the first film, she began as a naive heart who yearned to meet the Wizard of Oz. Then, she got her experience of being humiliated and realized she had to stand up for herself. That was when she decided to Defy Gravity! The left picture is her more matured self in the second film “Wicked : For Good.” You can feel the silent confidence grows and blossoms. A mirror to my own life metamorphosis.

On whole, Alhamdulillah. This is definitely an icing to the professional calendar as well as my life throughout 2025. I come back strong, for sure. I am now at a very good place in life. Who would have thought that circa late September, life took an unexpected route as I got reunited with someone dear that used to be in life from 2010-2016. I guess the 9 years hiatus served the purpose to educate my mind and heart so that I would be more appreciative for what I had and have, rather than chasing ephemeral shadows. Still, the lesson is not to put my whole happiness in other person’s clutch so that in whatever circumstance that may happen – be it rain or shine, breeze or typhoon – I would remain steadfast, undeterred by any fiasco. Getting an APC is indeed of Defying Gravity, For Good – for Dr. Shahrill Ramli. Alhamdulillah! 

It’s me…!
So if you care to find me,
Look to the western sky!
As someone told me lately,
“Everyone deserves the chance to fly”…!
And if I’m flying solo,
At least, I’m flying free!
To those who’d ground me…
Take a message back from me!
Tell them how I’m defying gravity,
I’m flying high, defying gravity!
And soon, I’ll match them in renown!
Unlimited, unlimited, unlimited…!

– “Defying Gravity” sung by Cynthia Erivo from the film Wicked. 

Image

Alhamdulillah. 2025, a great year for Dr. Shahrill Ramli. Feeling blessed. 

The True Meaning of A Year of Defying Gravity @ Happy 41st Birthday, Dr. Shahrill Ramli : The B’day Wishlists on the Tropical Island; Health Fiascos, Financial Epiphany; Professional Excellence Recognition (APC); & Virgin Experience as Manuscript Reviewer!

Posted by Shahrill Ramli on August 16, 2025
Posted in: Joie De Vivre, News Of The World, Novels/Book, Professional Life, Searching My Soul- Back To Basic, Travelling - Out From Chrysalis. Tagged: , , , . Leave a comment

A late jot-down for the first half of the year 2025. Indeed, I can vouch that this year has been A Year of Defying Gravity. Where do I begin? So many things are happening; so many shades of colours within this narrow spectrum of time! Laughter and cry, merry and melancholy – all intertwined under the canvas of life. Well, I am now a legit 41 years old! In comparison to last year’s extravagant celebration, I opted for a more low-key that focused on my own self-pampering. I treated myself with the Malaysian East Coast road trip & that the Perhentian Island as the jewel of the journey :-

Image Image Image Image Image ImageImage Image

My Bilik Guru colleagues with “Kutu Birthday”! Haha! Thanks Chu for the gift! Getting Mama Tina Beyince’s memoir “Matriarch” during my birthday was elevating, for sure! At Tamu Hotel there. Then, Teluk Chempedak, Kuantan; Fairfield Kuala Besut and the various collage of pictures in Perhentian Marriott Resort & Spa!

  • Tamu Hotel Suites at Kampung Baru, KL
  • Megaview Hotel, Kuantan
  • Fairfield by Marriott, Kuala Besut
  • Perhentian Marriott Resort & Spa, Pulau Perhentian Kecil
  • Renai Hotel, Kota Bharu
  • Cinta Sayang Resort, Sungai Petani

Image Image

The night sky at Perhentian Marriott Spa & Resort. It was peaceful and isolating. Beautiful. Just like “Crazy Rich Asian” scene. Living out my fantasy. LOL!

Image Image Image Image

Savouring the delicious food of SIAM at Renai Hotel, Kota Bharu. Dropped by at Banding Lake located at the middle of Jalan Raya Timur Barat. At Cinta Sayang Resort Sungai Petani & Kuala Perlis’ seafood with Kord. 

Image

Another wishlist in the fantasy ticked. To savour shower in bathtub with seaview.

Image

Thanks Abang Zam, my brother-in-law for treating me this for my birthday with both my nephews at Sungai Merab Luar! At this time, I was already battling my issue with Sinusitis. My face was puffy due to the possible contraction of the sinus. My sister however was down with diarrhea, so she did not join us. 

After so many years of wanting to visit the island, I finally plucked up the courage to take a boat trip there for Marriott Perhentian Spa & Resort. Although the process of commuting there was somewhat fused with hassles (from the Fairfield’s boat terminal to the Marriott’s buggy ride to the nearly 3 hours waiting for my room allocation and greenhorn staffs as the place is fairly a new resort opened last year!); the whole experience of staying there was, therapeutic. I enjoyed the bath tub with the seaview so much. On whole, it was a great reward for me. Alhamdulillah.

Image Image

Could that be the culprit? Wallahua’lam. But the heat sure triggered the health fiasco! My first REAL Sinusitis experience there. 

2 weeks later, I was diagnosed with Sinusitis. Growing up, my sister and I are always prone to “cold” but I already suspected that I could have had a minor sinusitis (“resdung”). I remember vividly seeing my mother sniffing that yellow elongated cloth just to ease hers! Anyway, it all started after I ate 9 slices/pods of durians and started to develop the heat which eventually triggered fever. Now, it could probably been a viral infection; or a subdued influenza or Covid-19 – I don’t know – but the experience really drained me into a prolonged lethargy. THEN, I started to notice the foul smell of my mucus! Luckily I was quite well-informed with the symptoms based on my past habitual reading that I knew this must be SINUSITIS. I went to see the generic doctor who prescribed Augmentin 500/125mg (antibiotic); Axcel Prednisolone 5mg (steroid oral); Dexchlorpheniramine 2mg (antihistamine); and Elonide Nasal Spray. Now unfortunately, these medicines did not do any justice towards my body; so after a week, I then proceeded seeing an ENT surgeon at KPJ Rawang. Under the care of Dr. Tan Shi Nee for nearly a month with three sessions, my Sinusitis is now under control. She did nasal endoscopy to detect the blockage in the nose and also the thorough ENT valves. She prescribed Zinnat; Cefuroxime (antibiotic) ✅Clarityne; loratadine (antihistamine) ✅Clari Clear, ✅NeilMed Sinus Rinse Kit and ✅Ryaltris nasal spray. This whole medical experience has tamed myself and redirect the perspective into new direction. It was as if like ALLAH SWT was gently nudging me from the slumber. In the times of health fiasco, it is important to have money in hand – as well as your medical card! A bless in disguise, this episode has encouraged me to minimize my travelling & hotel hopping past times and starting to restructure my financial backup schemes :-

Image

Now, KWSP is divided into three sections. You can treat the Akaun Fleksibel as Saving Account using it whenever you are in dire need of cash!

  1. Retrack my medical insurance card’s outstanding amount and paid lumpsum. I can vouch for the cash value later on for upcoming health fiasco;
  2. Reactivates my KWSP account via Self-Contribution. It is good that these days, KWSP is dividing the account into three sections namely Akaun Persaraan (75%), Akaun Sejahtera (15%) and Akaun Fleksibel (10%). The one can be used as saving account and you can take your money out anytime you want;
  3. Rejuvenates my Tabung Haji & ASB accounts.

In between these hullabaloos, a pleasant surprise came along. I am elected as one of the Anugerah Perkhidmatan Cemerlang (APC) 2024 recipients for this year – a second one after 11 years, received in 2013! A personal victory for me given the fact I was in a dark place especially during the second half of 2024. I was in depression, not feeling happy – yet, I managed to soldier on and executed my responsibilities diligently. Only 5 MCs last year (a record for me!) and only two days of Cuti Rehat Khas – I’d say that 2024 was the year I finally gave myself whole-heartedly to the school especially as it was the first year I no more burdened by the ‘invisible rock’ of PhD! Alhamdulillah. We were told by the Headmistress that the APC ceremony will be held circa mid-September 2025. I guess another special entry for that, Insya ALLAH.

Image

Alhamdulillah. My second after 11 years. I would say this is a nice finale of tenure as a teacher. I am ready for the next chapter. 2025 is Defying the Gravity, indeed!

An email came to me last July. A journal of which I had unsuccessfully submitted an article when I was juggling to publish to fulfill requirement for PhD graduation in Malaysia had invited me to become a reviewer of a manuscript! Naturally, I asked the general opinions of acquaintances in Facebook and most of them said “No” out of vendetta – I mean, this is a capitalism in academia, what do you expect? Haha! But I see this as an opportunity for a new experience. Furthermore, the manuscript dealt with rhetorical strategies in speeches (for this case, the Lebanese Prime Minister’s speech!) and that is my field – Rhetorical Communication! AND I do not go after any honorarium in monetary and I am not in position of needing any academia networking like other working scholars. To review this paper is purely another feather in the cap. So I did that – well, of course that adds up to my ORCID account. Haha! Glad I did it.

Image

Interesting read on how the author dissected the speech. Hopefully the manuscript will be published. My reviews are positive and objective, for sure. No demeaning anyone’s motivation in publication!

Like I wrote in my earlier entries, I forecasted 2025 as the Year of Defying Gravity. And sure it does, so far. I had submitted an application early this year to an institution – I am ready to experience the change in the air. Been asking the mediator who was full of enthusiasm seeing my positive “awakening” about the updates but apparently since the institution is occupied with other big events that probably sessions pertaining interviewing new recruitments are to be delayed. Anyway, I am not putting all the hope in that basket anymore. I give myself until the end of this year for THAT institution and if it doesn’t roll in, I’ll start scouting for others. Regardless, this is me defying the gravity for sure! I am proud of myself seeing how far I’ve come.

Image

Enjoying the layback Swiss-Garden Beach Resort Kuantan. The sea is not as pristine or crystal blue as Terengganu’s but the ambiance is more rustic than the commercialized Penang’s, for sure!

As I am writing this piece at the small room of Swiss-Garden Beach Resort, Kuantan as a short getaway (a hard decision since I am now in my “savvy financial restructuration”! Haha!), I am recovering from vertigo which unexpectedly happened before I was about to do site visit to Perdana KLCC hotel with colleagues for the Majlis Apresiasi Pemimpin Muda – basically, Prefects Hi-Tea; since I am the Head of Morning Session Prefects. This is another colour in my health facets this year. Phew! The generic doctor prescribed 24mg Betaserc dan 0.5mg Dexalone. Hopefully, these will do justice to the head – although I have already contacted the PA of my ENT surgeon, Dr. Tan on this if the generic medicines failed to alleviate the “spinning sensation.” On whole, it has been a colourful phase for these past two months. Hoping that everything will end up well. But what I do know is that I am grateful. ALLAH SWT has been kind to me. Although there are things I don’t understand and not happy for not having them; but ALLAH SWT knows that by me not getting that is the best situation, solution and decision for me. ALLAH SWT knows best. Alhamdulillah for this realization. I could feel that sense of maturity kicks-in now at 41 years old!

Image

Alhamdulillah. Happy birthday, Dr. Shahrill Ramli. Now 41 years old. It is a defining moment to celebrate that with Mama Tina’s “Memoir.” I can feel Beyonce’s “Grown Woman” (albeit the gender-bending lyrics! LOL!) lyrics as I marked the momentous date of my life. Haha! Entering 40s y’all : A gateway to a whole new challenging phase on health, home and heart.

The New Shahrill Ramli : 2025, The Year of Defying Gravity & Sails Beyond.

Posted by Shahrill Ramli on January 3, 2025
Posted in: Joie De Vivre, Novels/Book, Professional Life, Searching My Soul- Back To Basic, Travelling - Out From Chrysalis. Tagged: , , , , . Leave a comment

Apakah yang kan terjadi? Dengan semua hal yang telah aku lakukan selama ini?
Panggilannya… Semakin kuat…!
Bisakah ku, Berani untuk berpisah?

Jauh di sana…! Yang nanti kan terjadi…!
Samakah yang ada di sini dengan yang ada di luar sana?
Meninggalkan semua… untuk mencari masa depan yang baru…
Mampukah aku?

– “Jauh Di Sana” (Indonesian version of “Beyond”) sung by Lyodra from Disney’s “Moana 2.”

6950ecf3331098c7db034bac9ccf6f53

1707724408_youloveit_com_wicked_2024_movie_elphaba_pictures_2

I am always drawn towards character with strong spirit, defying odds despite being the peculiar weird one. I call them and myself – UNIQUE. My self-appreciation is high. 

It is 3rd January 2025. I am writing this at my favourite spiritual-laden hotel, The Shah Alam Concorde; while facing the Blue Mosque (I always have that nostalgic soft spot for this mosque!). I am both nervous but excited for this 2025. I am dubbing it as The Year of Defying Gravity and Beyond, which takes the namesake of two songs that somehow cemented an ultimate closure to my depression that I had throughout second half of last year 2024. “Defying Gravity” is a popular song from the musical play “Wicked” which is based on the novel that took an imaginative “What If” plot on the antagonist of the famed Wizard of Oz namely The Wicked Witch of the West a.k.a Elphaba. The song is about her refusal on letting others to keep defining her life and ready to embrace her strength of which she kept caged inside as she was scared it would cost her losing the loves she craved from strangers. The second one is “Beyond” sung by Auli’i Cravalho from ‘Moana 2’ which described her dilemma on whether to stay safe in her haven, the village – or starts the journey beyond the unknown sea to find the mythical island for upcoming future! It coincides with my life journey as well, after securing the PhD. The crossroad to migrate away from the school venturing a new realm – with the same amount of salary, no doubt, as Malaysian Education Officer (What do you expect? LOL!) but essential to harness the soft skills I am equipped as a Doctoral Degree holder. Whether I like it or not – I have to admit that – and the only spectrum I can maximize that is by leaving my comfortable cocoon in the school. 

Apart from that major KPI for this year, my other KPIs are :-

  • To read at least 5 books this year (Last year was good for me as I have finished 8 books);
  • Participate at least 1 Fun Run event (it has been ages since I last joined one! Sigh!);
  • Travelling at least one country abroad (after Covid 2020; I only travelled domestic except for Umrah 2023! Used to travel abroad every year from 2010-2019! I miss those years!);
  • Opens up to meeting new people again (I have been avoiding rendezvouses or dates for the last 4 years as a Reborn Virgin. Well, more like because I was emotionally attached towards someone but… everything is history. Now, I have to shape a story, instead.)

fda146a6c2cb89df616d1d9bb9523380

Books are my salvation and escapism. I wish I could meet someone who loves books, too. But a good person, that is a must. I don’t wanna stuck with bookworms that lack empathy or egoistic! Haha!

th (1) 4b2eccbe2c58a5a9f2981bc314124339d2af9f56a0d7fe916a82723f546977e3

Time to reactivate these! The Fun Run and Wanderlust!

you've got mail coffee shop

“You’ve Got Mail.” Somehow I was whisked into this semi-accurate scene for 4 years. Getting acquainted via virtual world (Well, it is a norm these days! Haha!), corresponding via media platforms, flew the distance, met up, having coffees (without physical romps – that what make it somehow innocently sacred). Turned out a mere platonic connection. But well, I am a childlike with faith. Looking forward for this with someone new this year 2025. Haha!

We will see how I would fare in the upcoming 6 months when I turn a legitimate 41 years old, no? Yeah, I used to update my blog ALL THE TIME every month but now it’s likely about three – the New Year entry, The Middle of the Year (My Birthday!) and End of the Year! Whatever it is, I hope and pray that ALLAH SWT will continue to guide me with kindness and helps me to achieve all these personal KPIs in 2025. Amin, amin, amin. 

471702499_18474430081025416_166947441957679898_n 472180170_18475126249025416_3683362965511970923_n

Two pictures I took within this week representing my identity (a paddy field at Pendang, Kedah & birds-eye-view from 37th floor of Tamu Hotel & Suites facing Kuala Lumpur City Centre. A person who can gel with conservative and modern people – but deep down, Shahrill Ramli has always been that simple person with simple needs. 

472315932_18475248379025416_3007938757770512793_n

My first selfie in the year 2025 @ 37th floor of Tamu Hotel & Suites, Kuala Lumpur. This was a powerful picture for me signifying myself rising like the sun. Insya ALLAH. 

“There is destiny in motion and it’s only just begun,
Now will this life I’ve worked so hard for come undone?
They’re calling me… I must reply!
But if I leave, how could I ever say goodbye?
What lies beyond, on the vast uncharted sea?
Will I lose myself between.. all that we know right here!
And what’s out there beyond? Leaving all I love behind…”

– “Beyond” sung by Auli’i Cravalho from Disney’s “Moana 2.”

Au Revoir & Auld Lang Syne 2024, A Year of Gateway to Wisdom @ Yen, Yeye, Cikgu Shahrill, Sir Shahrill & Dr. Shahrill Ramli.

Posted by Shahrill Ramli on December 31, 2024
Posted in: Joie De Vivre, Novels/Book, Professional Life, Searching My Soul- Back To Basic. Leave a comment

It is a personal ritual for me to write a year-end entry as well as new year resolutions in my blog; now that I seldomly update the platform! Haha! Well, 2024 ! Undeniably, it has been quite a year for me. In my first entry for the year, I dubbed 2024 as A Year of Gateway to Wisdom (REFER to https://undomiel84.wordpress.com/2023/12/29/gggoodbyeeee-2023-a-year-of-milestones-hello-2024-a-year-of-gateway-to-wisdom-reflections-on-personal-achievements-spiritual-quotient-bookworming-soft-spots-syukr-sabr/) and indeed it was! Reaching 40 years old has awaken another facet of my unknown strength. Initially, I’d hoped that 2024 would be a smooth-flowing “honeymoon year” for me to enjoy after battling gruesome journey of PhD for 6 years! The invisible rock on my head was uplifted the moment I wore the doctorate regalia on the stage during my November 2023 Convocation Day.

471827325_18474883720025416_6320147844226894859_n

Nevertheless, God SWT is the Greatest. Little did I knew that there would be a little bit of tests to strengthen my inside and my mental faculty. An unexpected emotional turbulence prior to my 40th birthday on 1st of June 2024 has initiated a depression phase for two months – just like what I have narrated full length in my previous post. But again, God SWT never desert me. One day circa August – after feeling unhappy inside from June (I cannot pretend when the inside did not feel happy. And I hate being a dishonest person to myself!) – I woke up to the feeling – “THIS IS MY LIFE!” The chirping of the birds outside of my Batang Kali house serenaded somewhat a new breath to my soul again. Very much like the Hans Christian Andersen’s “The Emperor’s Nightingale” where the real nightingale sang to the ailing emperor back to life! Alhamdulillah.

goodbye-2024-captions-for-instagram

This year, I have successfully completed reading 8 books under #WhatShahrillReads and I am proud of myself! It is important to get my mind drenched with reading – a form of mental rejuvenation ala Tun Mahathir’s. I like to widen the genres of my reading list and the spectrum this year encompasses fictions, non-fictions, autobiography, horror, history and socio-philosophy :-

  1. “Heart of the Sun Warrior” written by Sue Lynn Tan;
  2. “The Real Malay” written by Sir Frank Swettenham;
  3. “The Accidental Malay” written by Karina Robles Bahrin;
  4. “Hearts in Atlantis” written by Stephen King;
  5. “The Chinese Dilemma” written by Ye Lin Sheng;
  6. “The Meaning of Mariah Carey” written by Mariah Carey;
  7. “Orientalism” written by Edward Said;
  8. “Marlon Brando” written by Patricia Bosworth

 6314475530514186684 6314475530514186690  471272690_18473295007025416_417357471164847997_n 6314475530514186685   6314475530514186687 6314475530514186686 6314475530514186691 6314475530514186689 

On whole, this year has been quite a layback phase – in terms of physical fiasco -now that I am done with my PhD (except for one little thing I still owe UPM! Hopefully to get it done by January 2025!). But like I mentioned, it has also been a year full of lessons and self-discovery. I guess it is the most appropriate year to begin my 40s. More subtle and more spirituality. Alhamdulillah for what I have; Alhamdulillah for what I never had; Alhamdulillah for what I am praying to have. God SWT has been kind to me. This Shahrill Ramli never lose faith. Being a true Gemini, I have Stoic Side & Childlike Spirit. I know that I cannot rely on anyone else but God SWT and myself. That self love is always there although at times it has been tamed and caged due to the person I am intoxicated by love and lust. But they are always there to nudge me back to my pedestal. I have penned a letter to myself as a post in Instagram-Facebook marking the end of this beautiful year, 2024 :-

471819435_10161191590207833_4523527870387835853_n

The soon-to-be 41 years old Dr. Shahrill Ramli @ DoubleTree Penang, December 2024! I am super excited with new chapters in 2025 – just like this book I am reading by Barbara Ismail entitled “Princess Play” (Main Puteri). Shahrill Ramli, always with that predominant positivity of a rose-coloured glass life.

Dear Yen,

2024 has been a defining year for you, babe. Like what you have written in your blog early this year. You have forecasted that 2024 would be A Year of Gateway to Wisdom as opposed to 2023, A Year of Milestones! True to that, 2024 is the year where you have learned to let go of something, crippled to the unbeknownst corner of depression for 2 months, and learned to stand up on your feet to savour life, again! By letting go of something, you have discovered another facet of strength in yourself, babe. Your spiritual quotient and your mental faculty. Tomorrow is the last day of this beautiful year. What was meant to be a “honeymoon year” (Post PhD) has now becoming a stepping stone for 2025, A Year in Defying Gravity. I am so proud of you, babe. You have come a long way. The Gemini in you & me will never desert you. The Stoic Side is to be with you, the Childlike Spirit. Just Me, Myself & I. You are doing great, Yen🥰❤️🌹

Love,
Dr. Shahrill Ramli, 2024.

Defying Gravity @ Depression & Doncha Club : Emancipation. Flying Solo. Let It Go. Feeling Free!

Posted by Shahrill Ramli on December 12, 2024
Posted in: Joie De Vivre, Searching My Soul- Back To Basic. Leave a comment

You can still be with the Wizard
What you’ve worked and waited for
You can have all you ever wanted…

I know

But I don’t want it
No, I can’t want it anymore….

– “Defying Gravity” from the musical theatre & film “Wicked.”

469501127_18470445559025416_4735033403340057569_n

Feeling proud of myself. That I’ve managed to pick myself up, healed myself, got myself out from the abyss of depression. Of course, by the Grace of ALLAH SWT. Alhamdulillah, ALLAH SWT has been kind to me. I feel The Love. 

December 2024 is here. It has been a whirlwind year but true to the spirit of Shahrill Ramli, a definite bless in disguise. As per the ending part of my latest blog entry, I was unexpectedly sucked into an abrupt semi-depression by the end of May 2024. Little did I know that it was going to be a dark phase until August 2024. When your whole life was centralized into trying to please someone nonchalant towards you yet you tend to make lame excuse to justify the red flags for you always “had faith”; the whole energy was to be draining to the max once everything crumbled down. I wasn’t feeling happy inside with lost of motivation compass. Of course on professional level, I could still delegate my task as a teacher. I guess my past experiences dealing with this had helped me to navigate the murky phase.

466966543_10160832461412833_3099097166893673902_n 465522277_18463975435025416_2337957297012224559_n

468681154_18468732703025416_607916499605553847_n 469120586_18469486228025416_6340267777277292195_n

After 2 months of secluding myself from socializing with others, I began to go out by the end of August 2024. By September 2024, I’ve begun Intermittent Fasting & managed to lose weight from 63.5 kg to 58 kg (my ideal BMI circa 57-59 kg). Feeling good about my body, my mind and my heart. I am ready for The World again with new faces and new facades. I’ve learned to Let It Go. I deserved a pat on the back. You’ve done good, babe! From Left Above (at Batang Kali, at Grand Hyatt KL, at SK Serendah & at DoubleTree Putrajaya Lakeside). 

Nevertheless Alhamdulillah on September, I had the Heavenly Intervention. Woke up one day feeling that I had to seize control of my life, once again. It was time to LET IT GO! To let go of sentimental value; to let go of the utopian fantasy without any strong foundation to hold on to; To let go of the angst and anger that my kindness & attention ought to be reciprocated and the person owed me the Quid Pro Quo. Beginning September, I started my Intermittent Fasting and that eventually snowballed into a more positive physicality – my ballooning weight of 63.5 kg for about more than a year decreased into 58 kg (by December 2024!) – and with that, my emotional department is becoming stronger with less dependency on others – and my spirituality is taking in charge, knowing that there shouldn’t be any bad blood and I should remain platonic. All these typhoons inside me have somewhat moulded me into becoming someone stronger. I am defying the gravity and this is me beginning my new leaf in 2025! Alhamdulillah for this beautiful mind.

469601591_18470324074025416_1935107826734198386_n 469694926_18470478286025416_6897140887523207212_n

With Efy at O’Coffee Club Atelier Cafe, Kinokuniya KLCC & Perdana Hotel KLCC. With the Doncha Club at Colmar Tropicale & French Village of Bukit Tinggi, Pahang. 

As the icing to the cake, the Doncha Club had an unexpected spontaneous reunion during the weekend of 6th December till 8th December as Efy flew in to commemorate his 40th birthday! Welcome to the club, amigo! Haha! As all of us now are legit 40 years, it was all about Deep Conversations and Eat! Hahaha! I took Efy at KL Sentral after Friday Prayer on the 6th December and then we checked-in the Perdana KLCC Hotel. At night, we had coffee at O’Coffee Club Atelier Cafe on the second floor of Kinokuniya KLCC after scouting for some books. The next morning on 7th December, we took Kat from her residence in Jalan Ipoh and then sped off to Colmar Tropicale Bukit Tinggi where we visited the French Village & Japanese Village. Then, we had lunch at Genting Highlands Premium Outlet (it was a journey between two peaks!) where Efy and Kat were scouting for perfumes! We descended down via Batang Kali where I proudly showed my modest suburban crib to my Donchas (Haha!) and then straight we went to Putrajaya. Since we were so tired, the initial idea to have fun night at Moxy Putrajaya’s Skybar or the decent picturesque view at Zenith Putrajaya’s Roof XIII was scrapped. Instead, we opted to have the buffet at Dorsett Putrajaya’s own Citra Rasa facing the majestic view of Tuanku Mizan Zainal Abidin Mosque. Initially, I drafted the tentative to spend night at Putrajaya as Efy’s Air Asia was scheduled to fly off circa 10.20 a.m. but later he received notification of delay to 4.20 p.m. It was a bless disguise as I had time to give Efy a brief tour in Putrajaya. We went for a walk around Monumen Alaf Baru and visited the newly-built Hobbit Putrajaya which is the remnant of the recent Floria Putrajaya 2024. Had lunch at Mee Hiris China Muslim in Mitsui Outlet Park, Sepang and bid farewell to Efy at KLIA2. On the way back, it was raining heavily and the road was heavily congested with vehicles! I was glad that I made the split-second decision to detour using the Bandar Serenia exit and used the “jalan kampung” to Putrajaya via Jenderam. With my defunct car headlights and the rain pouring cats and dogs; I’ve managed to drive all the way through Putrajaya-Kuala Lumpur-Jalan Ipoh and Batang Kali! By 7 p.m., I was safe back at Tamu Hill Park, Batang Kali resting on my cosy bed. It was somewhat a very long drive but Alhamdulillah all went well. 

469615289_18470508445025416_3895318814580326802_n 469612843_18470518594025416_3992206798535018090_n

Luncheon at Genting Highlands Premium Outlet. And then dinner at Dorsett Putrajaya.

469492030_18470618833025416_3944074361131123486_n 469690690_18470638966025416_552620038149845415_n

Strolling along the lake towards Putrajaya’s Monumen Alaf Baru & visited the Putrajaya’s Hobbit. Then luncheon at Mee Hiris China Muslim at Mitsui Outlet Park, Sepang. 

469741703_18470675068025416_5288946388414030627_n

Bidding Efy goodbye as we went to send him off at KLIA 2. Efy has been encouraging me to apply for posts in Institut Perguruan Guru (IPGs). Haha! Like I said years ago throughout the PhD journey, I am not horny about the prospect but given the circumstance glitch of MQA Requirement which inevitably buried the initial dream of being a lecturer in public university (now, not anymore seeing the KPIs! Bless in disguise! Haha!), I have opened my horizon to the lesser choice of IPG and Institut Aminuddin Baki. Truth is, I am not escaping from anywhere as my current place is good. My colleagues are great, my working environment is not toxic. But we’ll see how 2025 unveils itself. I am excited to Defy Gravity. Not because of anyone else. I am not answerable to anyone. I don’t compete with anyone anymore. I am in different league. I only do it for me. 

There will be another 20 days prior to the New Year 2025. I am excited with life ahead! I am feeling like a new me, deserting that old nostalgic shackle I put around myself. With this epiphany of Let It Go, I have learned that some people and some experiences had their own purposes on that particular times. Looking back; I guess I was so tied up in the fantasy as throughout the 4 years, the interaction was innocent without physical romps (Haha!) and I was introduced to the scholarly lives and books. I couldn’t deny that this attraction catapulted the last part of my PhD journey of which I eventually graduated in November 2023. Maybe I was so attached with this melodramatic part of the fantasy that I led myself into believing that it was mutual? Haha! Looking back, I guess it happened because of that one significant moment that defined everything. The severity of our connection at the end of May 2024. On my part, I wouldn’t have gone to the extend of severing the ties (I know it was melodramatic but I couldn’t deny what I felt. It was what it was! Haha!). It make me realized of my position in the equation; that I was simply a negligible open-to-be-discarded commodity. THAT feeling actually prompted the dark phase of semi depression from June to August. THAT feeling of still clinging to the hope of being the ‘special one.’ But, Alhamdulillah with Heavenly Intervention circa September; I Let It Go! The romantic mooshy-mooshy (LOL!) feeling is now a mere platonic interaction. Haha! It has been a struggle to shift the mindset and the heart but nobody could do that for me other than myself. So, I am helping myself; I am putting the medication on my wound. I heal myself – with ALLAH SWT’s Grace. As at 12th December 2024 while I am jotting down all these in my blog, it felt that I’ve finally reached My Closure on that chapter. AND, Dr. Shahrill Ramli is looking forward for the upcoming future y’all – new faces, new facades and new frontiers! Alhamdulillah, God SWT is the Greatest. Now, listening to the song “Defying Gravity” penned by Stephen Schwartz really suits this chapter of my life. I am taking control the narration :-

459414638_18453931936025416_4083503774782677089_n

At Crowne Plaza Penang Straits City, facing my island hometown. I am feeling beautiful now. It is time. Defying the gravity that has been chaining me. Emancipating to a new horizon; to new persons. And be a new person. 

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I’m through with playing by
The rules of someone else’s game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It’s time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes, and leap

It’s time to try defying gravity
I think I’ll try defying gravity
And you can’t pull me down…

I’m through accepting limits
‘Cause someone says they’re so
Some things I cannot change
But ’til I try, I’ll never know
Too long I’ve been afraid of
Losing love, I guess I’ve lost
Well, if that’s love
It comes at much too high a cost

I’d sooner buy defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye, I’m defying gravity
And you can’t pull me down…

******

So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky!
As someone told me lately
“Everyone deserves the chance to fly”
And if I’m flying solo?
At least, I’m flying free!
To those who’d ground me,
Take a message back from me!

Tell them how I’m defying gravity!
I’m flying high, defying gravity!
And soon, I’ll match them in renown….!

Unlimited…!

– “Defying Gravity” from the musical theatre & film “Wicked.”

 

Shahrill’s Metamorphosis @ Happy 40th Birthday, Shahrill Ramli : A Doctorate, A Repent & A Mystic.

Posted by Shahrill Ramli on July 17, 2024
Posted in: Joie De Vivre, Professional Life, Road To PhD, Searching My Soul- Back To Basic. Leave a comment

I am now a legit 40 years old. It has been more than a month now since I celebrated my 40th birthday on 1st of June. Initially I thought it was just a negligible milestone (the cliche phrase that – it’s just a number!) but turned out it does evoke a new horizon of senses-awakening and Deeper Conversations about life and the purpose of my existence in this world. Yeah I know I sound very philosophical, aite? LOL. Birthdays are not a customary ritual for me as a Middle Class Malay. We do small “makan-makan” without lavish cakes or parties. Even throughout my 6 years relationship from 2010 till 2016, there wasn’t any reenactment of Hollywood fantasies (well, I cannot deny that there were times when I harboured THAT kind of fantasy but as I grow older, I guess the heart is already accustomed to the REAL WORLD, albeit as a late bloomer! Haha!).

446915751_18434281198025416_1092340946565422326_n

Alhamdulillah. Blessed life of a 40 years old Dr. Shahrill Ramli. Never take anything or anyone for granted.

Anyway looking back – I am grateful to be given this opportunity to even reach the age of 40 years old. I see some of my contemporaries are dealing with health fiasco and are extremely unhappy with their lives. I feel blessed that at 40 years old, I have finally secured my doctorate (it took me 6 years with highs and lows!) and performed umrah twice. I also sense that my Spiritual Quotient has improved a lot along with my confidence & sexuality. Superficial facades are no more magnets to my eyes – I am now more attracted towards those who read a lot (intelligence); those who professed charisma (assertiveness or “ketegasan”); those who are kind with their words and actions – AND definitely no more those who are promiscuous with hedonistic lifestyles! Haha! I realized that turning 40 years old is the gateway to new frontiers of maturity and preparedness towards the Reality of Life. Whether I like it or not, entering 40s means that I am going to face possibility of :-

  • Health Fiasco
  • Death of My Parents
  • Changes of Career & Lifestyle

449759282_18440790751025416_2522482283133139884_n 448185129_18436734163025416_8357344173650490464_n

At Perdana Kuala Lumpur Hotel & Penang’s Botanical Garden with my nephew. At 40 years old, I am now a Reborn Virgin (LOL! But it’s the truth). And I wanna strive for a life that appeases My God. This is Shahrill’s Metamorphosis. Although, I cannot deny that the Dark Alter-Ego is still there somewhere locked inside. 

After the end of my 6 years relationship in 2016, I went through that spiraling web of hedonistic phase from 2017 until 2020. I was wild. Like a loose canon, I experimented with my body and coaxed all the red-hot blooded canons who were both curious about me and dared to venture into the intoxicating escapisms. I am not proud about that but I have no qualm to admit that my past was dark. In 2020 prior to COVID’s MCO, my life path collided into someone I felt different than all those conniving wolves. This person exuded charisma and introduced me to the world of philosophy and books. I was also captivated by the humble “kampung” origin and roguish spirit in climbing the societal ladder as a maverick. What started as intellectual discourses had eventually swoon me to the floor. It also marked the phase of being a Reborn Virgin for me where abstinence takes over and chastity is preserved. I felt that the connection inspires me to safeguard my honour and that I wouldn’t want to ride that promiscuous getaway cars – never again – though temptations keep lurking in. Nevertheless, there were times when I felt under-appreciated and taken for granted for all the attention and hollering I’ve made throughout the 4 years. But then, who am I kidding? Do I expect things to be in accordance to my fantasy when in reality, we have our own respective lives – despite me flying solely there prior to my umrah or all the books and Holy Land merchandise I gifted as token of my remembrance? No one to blame but me. So after that fateful fourth times I was discarded away on 21st May 2024 (Yeah, I remember the date!), I told myself that I was merely in illusion and denial by making excuses to all these hullabaloos. So I pulled myself together despite feeling depressed and extremely frail – on my own – reframing the way I think and learn to accept that it will never be as I have envisioned in my mind. I guess the person would never know how I was motivated to complete my thesis just to join the league of the same calibre during those midnight oil burning sessions – or how I grew anxious whenever there were news on health setback or sudden silence. Guess that I guessed wrong!

Untitled

You are Shams Tabrizi. I am Rumi. You inspired me and eventually desert me. I keep the passion inside and let them out through poetic words and stanzas. I suppress the passion for now it turns into platonic. In that sense, we lead our own lives with people who we are supposed to be with. 

At this juncture as I am jotting this blog entry, I think I am already prepared to embark into the new phase of Shahrill’s Metamorphosis. The challenge is to safeguard this chastity without having any mortal inspiration anymore tied to the abstinence. The challenge is to strive for this for the sake of ALLAH SWT. BUT, does it mean that I am now an all Pious who could do no wrong? Hardly. I have no qualm to admit that the dark alter-ego is inside me, only to be caged. One of the days, it could yearn to release itself from the den. However in the mean times, I am making the most effort to goad myself to the Way of God, Insya ALLAH.

 438254034_18432891226025416_2957918820340761424_n 444468390_18434063557025416_6359399230551437656_n

 I love getting older as it makes me wiser. I love feeling that my mind is enriched with add-on knowledge and experience. Cheers for this fine age like wine, babe!

Birthdays are usually a personal, non-celebratory event for me. Never accustomed to that while growing up. I usually do a solo trip somewhere for my birthdays. But this year, somehow my Doncha People – Kat and Efy decided to celebrate my 40th birthday here in Kuala Lumpur! That was kinda sweet of them although quite awkward for me. Nevertheless, I am thankful for having such great friendship with them – almost 20 years now. We have been the thicks and thins, the highs and lows of life. Thanks guys. It has been an honour to share this journey of life with both of you. It is funny how we used to be crazy about singing and pop cultures and now our conversations are deep about life and spirituality. I guess what bonded us is our simplicity. On the facade, it seems as if we are the “modern” types but deep down, we are very “kampung” hearts thriving on simple lifestyles.

445361178_18433839481025416_4042719600548449951_n 445360707_18434199067025416_2368925401554144721_n 445241228_18433914817025416_5337127498712189107_n 445365615_18434098945025416_4769334074322892173_n 445428871_18434014111025416_8437098529214176122_n 449531573_18439465687025416_4325327740885038423_n

From Ben’s Publika to Genting Highlands to Dorsett Hartamas to Trader’s Skybar. Friendship forever!

I am also thankful for having a great family support system. My sister and I are both best friends. We support each other. She is the objective type while I am the creative soul. She helped me with my thesis formatting and alignment (agonizing for me!) while I helped her on her essay writings – during her University of Leeds’ days as well as the Yale School of Management’s assignments on Decision Making (very interesting but since I was going some shits, I was unable to go full throttle as my mind was drained). 

445459166_18434430577025416_5997235001765699572_n

Thanks Kakak for the treat at Mohd Chan Restaurant. My BIL was in Makkah during this “makan-makan.” Both my nephews are growing up, indeed. 

The truth is, I enjoy my current working environment. My colleagues are generally good lots and my pupils are predominantly good-natured kids although you need to instill discipline in them! My co-workers are not toxic and I have no problem with them although I do build some glass walls under the pretext of  organizational communication red tapes! Haha! Still, to secure a doctorate means that my place is no more suitable to be in school although it has been a safe cocoon and I could enjoy my weekend travelling to every nook and cranny of the country! The latent period of relaxation is over and it is time for Dr. Shahrill Ramli to be serious in making a career transition out from the school. Although I have to say that knowing the salary would not be increased (as government education officer) while workload and stress may multiply with the new career is a big disappointment – I guess I need to figure my upcoming moves with calculated risk and strategies, of course. We’ll see how it goes.

447609684_18434564137025416_8657855047675706422_n 446809311_18434581951025416_1586465642122161591_n

Thanks to my colleagues for the birthday appreciation. 

On whole, I honestly think that ALLAH SWT has been kind to me. I am grateful and I don’t take for granted for the Amazing Grace. And I am looking forward to tread this beautiful life with its mysterious bricks and bouquets. I am positive. Alhamdulillah. Thank you ALLAH SWT for this wonderful life at 40 years old. It is a beautiful beginning.

 447893291_18434975851025416_4914747732399628566_n 438259429_18432783643025416_145742907492089363_n 449495404_18439451167025416_7479790097817322415_n

Alhamdulillah for everything I have. Alhamdulillah for everything I don’t have. Alhamdulillah for everything I pray to have

Goodbye 2023, A Year of Milestones & Hello 2024, A Year of Gateway to Wisdom : Reflections on Personal Achievements, Spiritual Quotient, Bookworming & Soft Spots @ Syukr / Sabr.

Posted by Shahrill Ramli on December 29, 2023
Posted in: Joie De Vivre, Novels/Book, Searching My Soul- Back To Basic, Travelling - Out From Chrysalis. Leave a comment

As I am typing this, I am at Nexus Resort and Spa Karambunai, Tuaran. I have been having my year-end relaxation from The East Coast of Peninsular Malaysia (Kelantan & Terengganu) to the East Malaysia (Sabah). I think I deserve this pampered sloth trip after being such a hardworking darling. It is my way of appreciating myself. Anyway, today is 29th December 2023 and in another 3 days, I will be a legit 40 years old! Gasp! Initially, it wasn’t a big deal for me but lately I just realized that it is actually a gateway of a whole new decade for me – and I should be mentally prepared for that as for me, a strong mind is the most paramount asset of a human being.

405882438_10160090973557833_4643186250401276127_n

Alhamdulillah. Didn’t expect this due to university’s usual technical timing technicality. But it is by the will of ALLAH SWT. 

Retrospectively, it has been such a colourful 2023 for me. I dubbed 2023 as The Year of Milestones in my birthday entry (REFER to https://undomiel84.wordpress.com/2023/06/05/2023-a-yearrrrr-of-milestones-the-age-of-39-years-old-virtues-viva-ventures/) and I was definitely right! Definitely, the icing of 2023 was my PhD graduation! My journey has been drenched and plagued (Haha!) with so many untold and cannot-be-told behind the scenes stories. You can simply clicked the tag “Road to PhD” in my blog to read my journey and of course all the breadcrumbs and Easter Eggs I have had left for all those who are good in reading between the lines! All I can say- “phew, Alhamdulillah, Praise The Almighty!” Nevertheless, I still could not believe that I’ve passed my viva and UPM senate has endorsed my thesis. Well, I still owe UPM my hardbound thesis and I think I shall get it submitted prior to February as I was dealing with horrible toothache at the beginning of this year-end school holidays which previously was meant for me to focus on the softbound of the thesis, etc. 

406356594_18396834205025416_3978528037659142367_n

Another Alhamdulillah. Second time performing umrah. After 9 years, I was back in the Haramain, again. For a marhaen like me – this was precious. 

Next, I also had the chance to perform Umrah for the second time! Like I said, this umrah was like me humbling myself towards His Calls for throughout my PhD journey, I have discovered that ALLAH SWT has never left me when others simply ignored and deserted me – they only came thronging when I wear that PhD bonnet / regalia. True story, I ain’t gonna lie. I see many long-lost familiar faces and media social profiles suddenly “showing interest” on my daily updates whereas all these while, I wasn’t an interesting specimen! Haha! Well, one thing about me is that I NOTICE EVERY SINGLE PERSON who makes effort to connect with me – and who don’t. So as I am getting older (and wiser), I am reducing my circle and those who I feel don’t like sincerely or have no genuine affection – I would just discard and distance myself away. In a very professional and cultured way, unlike during my USM days of course. Haha! But anyway, Alhamdulillah it was a wonderful journey on whole and like I wrote in the entry before – this time ALLAH SWT lavished me with comfortable physical logistics – hotels, food, accommodations, etc – BUT I was tested inside on how to control my Sabr and my razor-mouth from my usual snapping when I faced strangers’ judgmental statements or sarcastic smirks. But everything was educational for me and well, ALLAH SWT is the Most Knower of all.

336739669_930682128063578_8504383002575878133_n

My letter on Michelle Yeoh dated 18th March 2023. 

406406989_18399098395025416_7304061945814115428_n

My letter dated 9th December 2023 on depression. 

 Apart from that, this year I have written only two letters to The Star (I have been making this as personal annual KPI for the last two years! Haha!) and of course I recorded these in my SPKLM via my colleague Teacher Halina Nasir :-

As for the books I have read throughout 2023;  I only managed to read 2 books! That is considerably abysmal record and I am quite ashamed to admit it! Perhaps due to the focus on PhD? And well, since I am still in the process of reading “Heart of the Sun Warrior”, I definitely cannot count that in, too. Actually, I love to “savour” the moment of the contents and not to be rushed just to finish it. I like taking time and procrastinate.  Under the hashtag #WhatShahrillReads, I could trace the names of the books from my media social sharing :-

323442928_901856040991445_7088465276690688319_n 332323090_930063678017160_1871818722960660939_n

  1. “Rapid Fire Rafidah” by Tan Sri Dato’ Seri Rafidah binti Aziz;
  2. “Daughter of the Moon Goddess” by Sue Lynn Tan 

And also I guess the highlight of this year is that I have finally met this person after three years of getting acquainted. It is unconventional but I felt connected the first time I interacted with this person. Definitely both in awe with the enigmatic charisma and cannot deny that animalistic naughtiness inside me, as well. Haha! But I regard this person as somehow a saviour that have kept me away from being drifted too far in the sea of hedonism. Like a thirsty Rumi seeking for a guide in a topsy-turvy life, this person came to me like Rumi’s Shams Tabrizi. But of course, I am also being realistic. Being a childlike with all these utopian metaphorical wants and fantasies, I am also very much a person whose feet still on the ground. I express myself well in English ramblings or poems. And I don’t know – perhaps it was because of spiritual enlightenment I got from the Haramain (my umrah), I am no more feeling klutzy or fuelled with volatile emotion. I am OK if suddenly the person decides not to be in good term with me anymore – being nonchalant. Of course being the childlike me, I will be sad but after umrah, I have come to realize that humans are fickle-minded with ephemeral presence. The hearts often change. And we humans cannot control other humans. Being obsessive will only backfire us, no? So just take it slowly. And pray. Who knows 2024 will lead to somebody or new life? Well, life is mysterious.

398487172_18392305636025416_7276641574375505236_n Untitled

On whole, 2023 has been an interesting year for me. ALLAH SWT also has been kind towards me. I can only express my Syukr. Alhamdulillah for everything. From Dr. Shahrill Ramli to Shahrill Ramli. 

goodbye-2023-hello-2024-flying-yellow-airplane-year-plan-idea-concept-for-business-leader-personality-development-idea-concept-vector

The Meaning of Shahrill Ramli in 2023 : Performing Umrah for Second Time / Coordinating School Hi-Tea @ Tamu Hotel & Suites, KL / #ShahrillsRoadToPhD – The PhD Hooding Ceremony & Convocation @ UPM!

Posted by Shahrill Ramli on December 23, 2023
Posted in: Joie De Vivre, Professional Life, Road To PhD, Searching My Soul- Back To Basic, Travelling - Out From Chrysalis. Leave a comment

As I am writing this recapped events that happened lately, I am at Kota Bharu’s Grand Riverview Hotel after spending my previous night at a favourite lodging, Perdana Hotel. It has been raining cats and dogs the whole day and as this room is facing the Kelantan River, it also makes me kinda agitated and nervous but it is a new experience witnessing the “beauty” of the Monsoon. Haha! Anyway, where do I begin? It has been very packed two months from November till December with many challenges faced but Alhamdulillah everything is to build the better me. Circa October, I was already busy. After submitted my thesis to School of Graduate for the Senate, I’ve already worked on tasks to facilitate the school’s Hi-Tea where I was unanimously selected as the Coordinator of 2023 School’s Hi-Tea. Definitely something out of my comfort zone but I was willing to give it a try for experience. I perused lists of possible hotels around Klang Valley under several parameters:-

  • Enlisted in the JAKIM’s halal hotel lists;
  • Catered towards conservative Malay Muslims’ appetite (as my targeted clients are conservative-minded teachers);
  • Affordable pricings;
  • Memorable selling points for teachers to immortalize their OOTDs (views, interior decos, etc).

406267021_18397174102025416_8742374916332790071_n

Definitely, the highlight of my 2023. Alhamdulillah.

I’ve been to a lot of hotels around Klang Valley (I am not boasting; it’s just the truth due to my excessive thesiscation sessions) – Mandarin Oriental, Grand Hyatt KL, Four Seasons, Grand Season (now defunct!), Corus Hotel, Royale Chulan, Sunway Putra, The Majestic Hotel, Concorde KL & Shah Alam, Seri Pacific KL, Palace of the Golden Horses, The Mines Beach Resort, Micasa Suites, Double Tree KL and etc. The screening and filtering finally came to two options which were Tamu Hotel & Suites as well as Shah Alam’s Mardhiyyah. So after several negotiations, I’ve finally decided on Tamu Hotel & Suites at Kampung Baru as it ticked all the parameters in my checkbox list!  So by the end of October, I submitted the paper work to Headmaster and my team and eventually confirmed the deal with the management of Tamu Hotel & Suites. Then to circulate survey on the attendance of the school staffs as well as to delegate other tasks such as gifts – doorgifts, lucky draws; invitations and to provide bus for those teachers who don’t drive, etc. Alhamdulillah I had wonderful team.

406356594_18396834205025416_3978528037659142367_n

Alhamdulillah after 9 years, I was back again to the Haramain. But with new set of challenges. Nonetheless, I have fulfilled my words to You, my Lord SWT. You have never left me when everybody does albeit my flaws. I offered myself to You.

400254761_18393400213025416_4292333909618239405_n 400725833_18393644608025416_6737306134051932234_n

The majestic hotels around the al-Haram complex and the Jabal Noor. Exquisite experiences. Unlike my first Umrah experience, I don’t think I am writing this Umrah into details. Being matured and wiser mean to be able to tread on sensitivities. So let them be secrets of my heart. 

On 7th-18th November 2023, I flew to Makkah and Madinah for umrah. Three weeks prior, I took two types of vaccines consecutively namely the Meningococcal vaccine & Influenzae. Naturally, my antibody weakened in order to familiarize with the newly-introduced antigens and I began to develop mouth ulcers as well as the usual tonsilitis. Apart from that, I accidently sprained my back and was on the verge of possibility to be diagnosed as slip disc as movement was painful and getting out of bed was a nightmare! It was the time when I was tested with health fiascos. I was worried whether my body would be ready for umrah – or not; I prayed to ALLAH SWT to grant me health. Alhamdulillah, I managed to recover before I flew. For this second umrah, I went with Qalby Ilm Tours Sdn. Bhd. I am an avid follower of Mizz Nina since 2015 and naturally I saw the advertisement she put as well as the Qalby App team. But it was until I passed my PhD viva on 20th June 2023 (Refer to https://undomiel84.wordpress.com/2023/07/02/the-iiepiloguephdii-of-shahrillsroadtophd-passing-my-viva-voce-on-20th-june-2023-with-minor-correction-sheltered-by-my-mothers-prayer/) that I was reminded the moment I was in Makkah back in 2014 where I had the subconscious promise – but not a Nazr – that if I were to achieve my doctorate, I would be back one day to be in front of the Kaabah again. So I guess it was ALLAH SWT’s way to remind me gently; and I saw the ads again. So without hesitation, I booked a slot with Qalby Ilm Tours Sdn Bhd. Unlike my first Umrah with Mak in 2014 (Refer to https://undomiel84.wordpress.com/2014/06/23/the-bride-of-the-red-sea-episode-xvi-the-2014-umrah-part-i-1st-pilgrimage-with-qarnul-manazil-as-miqat-makkah-al-mukarramah/), I felt that this second trip was more privileged in sense of the food and accommodations. Sure that the price I paid for this one was considerably double in comparison to 2014’s but with the post-pandemic situations as well as the Saudi’s mercurial cultures – I thought it was nonetheless somewhat a good pricing offered by Qalby Ilm Tours Sdn. Bhd. For me, my challenges this time were the ones embedded inside. On how to control my anger and my razor-mouth; how to cultivate Sabr when I sensed sarcasm in the tones of judgmental strangers (Look, I am a Communication Scholar. I read people in a second!); how to tame my ego and humbled myself in the Holy Lands, and many more. For me having Haramain lodgings such as Conrad Makkah at Jabal Omar as well as Madinah’s Sofitel were already considered lavish accommodations in comparison to my previous umrah experience – only a stone throw away from the Haramain; so there was no question on that! But having spiritual sessions with Mufti Menk, Sister Mizz Nina and Sister Lisa Surihani were sufficient band-aids I needed in order to soften my heart and harden my Sabr throughout the journey. And Brother Ustaz Syahmi, our Mutawwif also was such a nice guy who worked hard and tirelessly but he never complained. I honestly humbled and respected him for that – and not to mention that he patiently entertained all my questions! Of course I can never detailed out thoroughly about this umrah journey like I always did in my blog (Haha!) but I can say that this time, it was another new experience I had in my life – and as the icing to the cake, I received the news that the UPM Senate has agreed to my thesis in Makkah and I was to have my PhD convocation by the end of November 2023!  Mind-boggling, it was – Alhamdulillah!

400785941_18393475582025416_7532612453595720870_n

I received the news from my Internal Examiner, Dr. Akmar that the UPM Senate has approved my degree of Doctor of Philosophy at Makkah! I am now a legitimate Dr. Shahrill Ramli! Alhamdulillah.

400837611_18394394677025416_22375079224092222_n 400820996_18394058539025416_8414074676305769529_n

402467839_18394968760025416_6500436370668250372_n

It was great having spiritual sessions with Mufti Menk, Sister Lisa Surihani and Sister Mizz Nina. Mufti Menk was obviously an eloquent speaker with vast knowledge. Both sessions in Makkah & Madinah were seemingly short with him as he was able to touch the nerves of my heart a few times on the emphasis of ALLAH SWT’s mercy! Sister Lisa Surihani was friendly and we had a few layback talks on spiritual conscience and also about Aunty Zarina Fenner, her mother-in-law who happened to be my social media friend. I love Aunty Zarina for her maternal aura. And of course Sister Mizz Nina who I have been following since 2015 (and also knew her from those Penang days. We all grew up knowing Teh Tarik Crew, etc!). I don’t follow local celebrities that much – only her and Siti Nurhaliza. I followed her because I felt connected to her experiences in the dark phases and to acknowledge that but eventually to come back to the light after going through several hiccups. I’ve learned many Doas from her many media social sharings and Masya ALLAH Sister, keep spreading the khayr! I am glad I was finally able to get acquainted to you & talking to Brother Essam was fun and genuine – survival in spirituality and culture! I am wishing you the best Sister ; Brother Essam and Baby Musa! Lillahitaala – Barakallah!

I reached Malaysia on 19th November 2023 and naturally still dizzy with jet lag, I was feeling lethargic. Still, I had to muster strength to drive back and forth from Batang Kali to UPM and other places for a few unfinished errands and events :-

  • on 22nd November 2023, I drove to UPM to collect the convocation robe;
  • on 23rd November 2023, I drove to UPM for my PhD Hooding Ceremony at the Fakulti Bahasa Moden & Komunikasi after emceeing the Children’s Day at school with my hoarse voice due to excessive coughing;
  • on 25th November, I flew back to Jitra to bring back the convocation robe to both my parents as they would not be attending the ceremony due to health setbacks;
  • on 28th November, I drove back to UPM to verify a few issues on my softbound thesis;
  • on 29th November, I had my PhD convocation at the UPM Great Hall – Pusat Kebudayaan & Kesenian Sultan Salahuddin Abdul Aziz Shah.

406115913_18397126951025416_3516788995918940146_n

No need for a professional photographer. Just an amateur nephew with an iphone. Haha! Alhamdulillah. But I somehow regretted not taking many pictures as I was too tired. But Alhamdulillah. It was not like – “Hey, I am a Doctor now! Look!”; it was more like “Phew, Alhamdulillah. Finally! Let’s move one! Happy but let’s move on!” Haha!

403134183_18396237838025416_5499760415965603797_n

With my Main Supervisor, Prof. Dato’ Abdul Muati; and my two co-supervisors, Prof. Madya Dr. Hamisah & Prof Madya Dr. Moniza. They saw me from the reckless bud and now grown into a somewhat better flower. Haha! The metamorphosis of a newbie Communication scholar. Hopefully after I settled my hardbound thesis, I would be able to throw them a “makan-makan” or some gifts. Thanks so much to my three Gurus. 

406382762_18398560876025416_6964247630057982009_n

The PhD Hooding Ceremony at Fakulti Bahasa Moden & Komunikasi where Main Supervisor put the doctorate PhD hood on the student. It’s like a symbolic coming-of-age ritual, welcoming the student into the world of Doctor of Philosophy. Kinda touching and meaningful to think about it.

I spent a night at Putrajaya a night prior – and of course, taking a day-leave from the school. Since Kakak had an urgent meeting, she couldn’t attend my PhD convocation so my brother-in-laws, Abang Zam and nephew Rifqi came. Well to be honest, I didn’t feel that sad (if 15 years ago, yeah I would probably be crestfallen and all! Haha!) because perhaps I was too tired and relieved that this PhD invisible rock was about to be uplifted. However on hindsight, it was quite turn off that those I’ve been growing up with – my parents and sister – couldn’t see me on the stage. But hey, that’s life! In the end in this life, I am to weather the journey alone. So, I see this as training to strengthen my innerself. I believe that if my mental is strong, Insya ALLAH I could weather the agony. As my name starts with “S”, I was put in the fifth day of 2023 UPM Convocation Week but the ceremony was graced by the Selangor Prince Crown, Tengku Amir Shah Ibni Sultan Sharafuddin Idris Shah Al-Haj. However most of us the PhD graduates were quite dissatisfied that the emcees accelerated our procession of scroll-giving ceremony! We barely had two seconds to enjoy our moment with the Crown Prince or even on the stage!! But they eased up when it came to the subsequent Bachelor Degree and Master’s Degree graduates! Well, as an emcee myself I understood the responsibility that they had to bear to go in sync with the allocated timing – but as a PhD graduate, I was frustrated. Most of the other PhD graduates too expressed the same – we were supposed to be the ones celebrated but the opposite happened. Nevertheless, shits happened. We could not unwind things, no? I guess all we could do was to bitch about it and move on. Yeah! Sigh, LOL!

406323554_18397212796025416_4214479368372953935_n 406818954_18397169932025416_7350649161510982979_n

My brother-in-law, Abang Zam & nephew Rifqi came to my PhD convocation! A collage of pictures in the UPM Great Hall.

405557245_18396404332025416_1590962611290645096_n

Seeing both my parents donning the PhD regalia was immensely satisfying. Alhamdulillah! They couldn’t make it to my convocation so I brought the robe to them. My father especially was being endlessly expressive about my PhD by asking me the millionth times question – “Bila nak habeh PhD?” as if it was a straight-cut process! It annoyed me, sometimes – but I knew it came from good place. My mother however always an intelligent woman who is empathetic towards my journey. I always know she is a wise woman. It was unfortunate that she didn’t get the kind of parents that would nurture her talents and all. If not, she could have been one of the intellectuals in universities. I guess that is just life. Sometimes we have or don’t have the chance, no? Some people were born or existed at the right timing. Life is but a dream.

On 30th November 2023, I returned to school but after work, I brought my team to Tamu Hotel & Suites for site visit; to enable them to visualize whatever I’ve been saying the whole time! On 1st December 2023 after school and Friday Prayer, I drove back to UPM to submit the convocation robe so that I won’t be penalized for exceeding the stipulated borrowing period. On 2nd December was the Hi-Tea at Tamu Hotel & Suites. Alhamdulillah, everything went well without major hiccups. I was grateful for the management for fulfilling my various requests and also in choosing the strategic corner with 4 iconic towers in a view – The KLCC Towers, The KL Towers, The Merdeka 118 Tower & The Exchange 106 Tower! Thanks so much to my team!

406862364_18397766884025416_4402998735875926604_n 406765923_18397791400025416_3443939145655449807_n

406812415_18397799614025416_1864097703155568255_n

Being the Coordinator of Hi-Tea as well as the emcee of School Hi-Tea 2023. And with ex-Guru Pentadbiran SK Serendah, the suave and friendly Cikgu Maswadie. I learned from him that never burn bridges after you have crossed. You would want to leave a place with good image so that everybody appreciates your presence, no? Cikgu Maswadie is good. I like his personality. Something to be learned here. 

Truth be told, it was totally a period of non-stop activities back-to-back and by this time, I was already battling toothache which I never knew would have ended up into 9 agonizing days prior to a root canal treatment :

  • On 9th December 2023, we had the Annual School Camping;
  • On 12th December 2023, my colleagues and I threw a pre-farewell get together at Batang Kali’s “Rumah Hutan Bonda Rozita” for my senior teacher colleague, Kak Aznor who was to be retired;
  • On 13th December 2023, I was entrusted to emcee a spontaneous KPM-endorsed programme for schools all over Malaysia namely “Pelancaran Kempen Hidup Sihat Cegah Rokok & Vape”;
  • On 14th December 2023, I emceed Kak Aznor’s retirement ceremony amidst battling the painful toothache for about 3 hours.

410665455_18399668038025416_1149057333767145906_n 410478511_10160103453772833_7749486933557285363_n

Honouring Kak Aznor during her pre-retirement get together at Batang Kali’s “Rumah Hutan Bonda Rozita” and her retirement ceremony. I am proud of myself being the professional me to continue emceeing the event despite battling throbbing head due to the aching dental nerve throughout 3 hours. Well done, Shahrill! You did good.

With the subsequent 9 days of battling the toothache, I saw it as bless in disguise albeit it was a hell-on-earth experience, I could never deny! At last I REALLY HAVE THE TIME to relax. I have been relaxing well at the East Coast now from Kuala Terengganu and Kota Bharu. But news on the raging Monsoon somehow disturbs my tranquility. Initially I was thinking of continue relaxing in Dungun or Kuantan but due to this revelation, I may perhaps drive straight back home to Batang Kali, Hulu Selangor tomorrow. Hope everything is alright! On whole, Alhamdulillah. 

My Thesis Submission After Viva @ UPM : Reaching the End of the Roller Coaster Ride Continuum of #ShahrillsRoadToPhD

Posted by Shahrill Ramli on October 11, 2023
Posted in: Joie De Vivre, Road To PhD. Leave a comment

The due date that was given to me to submit my corrected thesis was on 7th October 2023 as the date I received the notification from School of Graduate (SGS) was on 7th July 2023. Three months to be exact. Quite a lengthy set of corrections – some were similar to the ones I jotted in the previous entry during my viva – some were not mentioned officially. Thus, I decided to stick with the official correction notification from the SGS.

 370320641_18379333462025416_3243885667161406718_n 357752586_10159807562592833_3608501096212021081_n

(Left) While #thesiscation to correct the thesis at Bayview, Langkawi circa 27th August 2023. I love it for its economical pricing and strategic location. And I like the food, too. It was during this thesiscation that I became empowered by sudden anger and jealousy when I learned that a person I have that illogical unexplained soft spot was consumed with own happy blessed life and the loved ones. It ruptured my mood to focus on the thesis, I couldn’t deny. Still, I forced myself to type. That’s me; the mercurial Shahrill Ramli. (Right) The official correction notification from SGS.

Untitled

An excerpt of my 5-pages thesis List of Corrections.

As a PhD candidate who is also working full time as a teacher, catering the demands for both worlds was challenging. As I was supposed to concentrate on these corrections, the school too was in its busiest months – school exams (or these days, you have to brand them as “evaluations”); Additional Sports and Sports Day; internal activities such as The Month of Independence (choir competitions, etc); The Meeting-with-Parents Session; coaching the school representative on Story-Telling Competition, and many more. But Alhamdulillah, I managed to deliver all my tasks at the school and at the same time completed the corrections.

378537715_18382852984025416_806779562267744857_n 383162401_18384932500025416_4137175858377237717_n

Emceeing the school’s celebration on Malaysia’s Independence Month & Sports Day.

380780480_18384194722025416_3224439823743210821_n

Meeting the parents session 2023.

Technically, I have completed the corrections by 14th September 2023. However, little did I realize that managing the formality of the submission was another level of bureaucracy! Along with the Corrected Full Thesis and List of Corrections, I also needed to submit :-

  • Form 16A – Thesis Submission After Viva (with signatures of my Supervisor, the 2 Internal Examiners, the Chairperson of the Viva & the Faculty’s Coordinator of Programme);
  • Form GS17 – Payment of RM200 to Library & Bursary (with signatures of Library Officer & Bursary Officer);
  • Form GS25 – Information on Publication During Candidature (with signatures of my Supervisor and co-Supervisor);
  • Thesis Abstracts – Malay & English versions;
  • Turnitin Reports 

384787437_18385498924025416_1023561990011199873_n

A conversation with one of my Internal Examiners. I don’t know why I felt overwhelmed on that particular moment.

Apparently, both of my Internal Examiners were in South Korea for the faculty programme when I emailed the corrected thesis. Thus, I had to wait around 2 weeks for both of them to peruse the corrected thesis and finally inked the signatures of Form 16A. On the other hands since my Supervisor is officially a retiree, he now does not have the access to his digitalized verification as well as the Turnitin. Due to that, I had to seek the assistance of his former secretary Puan Jun (bless her soul so putting up with my requests!) for the verification and also Dr. Moniza, my co-supervisor to access the Turnitin – I am sincerely grateful to her for still making the effort to reply and entertain my spontaneous requests although at that time, she was rushing to the airport to catch flight to Sibu! Alhamdulillah, may ALLAH SWT repay all of these kindness shown to me. 

381351905_18384797629025416_753293410159647061_n

From previously 2% similarity; the corrected thesis now exhibited 8% similarity based on Turnitin. 

On 3rd October 2023, I went to UPM to settle the Form GS17. Before that, we had to pay RM200 in order to download the form from the portal. Then, I had to get the signatures from both the Library and Bursary Officers to declare that I have no debt with both institutions before I am to graduate. Thought that I could print out the Full Thesis for soft-binding on that day (after 7 days of online submission, the UPM PhD candidates are to submit the hardcopies of soft-binding thesis and GS17 to School of Graduate!) but turned out that the layout has gone haywire! The Indian Aunty of the Sri Serdang photocopy & printing centre took sincere empathy towards me and told me to amend that at home – she didn’t charge the papers she had already used to print my thesis, halfway.

383161849_18386221036025416_8126976263029432471_n

Look at all of these documents I had to prepare for the final submission after viva!

On 4th October 2023, I had to emcee a school event with Jabatan Kemajuan Orang Asli (JAKOA). After school, I began to work on the thesis layout until 1.20 a.m. and finally I managed to submit the whole documents to School of Graduate! Alhamdulillah! Nevertheless around 2.30 a.m., I began to experience an abrupt nasal cold attack as well as sudden cough. To cut the story short, I had a very bad running nose, cough and fever which prompted me to undergo the COVID19 and Influenza tests. Alhamdulillah both were negative but I was given two days of MC. But I was grateful that everything happened AFTER I SUBMITTED ALL THE DOCUMENTS ONLINE! ALHAMDULILLAH!! 

384794708_18386574475025416_7673661167258882040_n 387150397_18387337126025416_810699292004226669_n

Alhamdulillah, the online and physical submission of all the documents!

Since I have submitted everything online prior to 7th October 2023, everything was OK. On Monday 8th October 2023, I went back again to UPM to print the thesis. This time, Alhamdulillah everything seemingly OK! It all makes my 2 hours driving from SK Serendah to UPM worthwhile! By 2.30 p.m., I successfully submitted the printed Full Thesis & GS17! On whole, I am grateful for all this experience but the most important thing is to recognize the kindness strangers have shown me throughout this process. Alhamdulillah!

358601073_10159807964917833_8861833230553806134_n 375858036_18381941707025416_7415090880370345573_n

During my few last sessions of weekend #thesiscations! (Left) At Corus Hotel, KL. One of my favourite hotels in KL City Center. For its economical pricing and strategic location in KL Golden Triangle. (Right) At Mandarin Oriental Hotel, KL. Another favourite during the times when I have extra bucks to spend – love the KLCC view and MO hospitality. Both hotels are walking distance to KLCC Park – I have soft spot for the park. 

The Epilogue of #ShahrillsRoadToPhD : Passing My PhD Viva Voce on 20th June 2023 (with Minor Correction) – Sheltered by My Mother’s Prayer.

Posted by Shahrill Ramli on July 2, 2023
Posted in: Joie De Vivre, Master of Mass Comm, Road To PhD, Searching My Soul- Back To Basic. Leave a comment

I passed my PhD viva voce, Alhamdulillah. It took me more than a week to pluck up courage to immortalize the whole experience in this blog. I have to say that the mental exhaustion of being interrogated non-stop for 3 hours straight was a unique experience! Haha!

352978585_10159775040152833_2014257119809373427_n

Like so many other PhD candidates before me, I too will never forget the day of my viva on the fateful 20th June 2023. The Chairman (Prof. Dr. Nizam); The Internal Examiners (Prof. Jusang & Prof. Dr. Akmar) as well as The External Examiner (Prof. Dedy Mulyana) and my Supervisors – Main Supervisor (Dato’ Prof. Dr. Abdul Muati) & Co-Supervisors (Prof. Dr. Moniza Waheed & Prof. Dr. Hamisah Hasan). And the Secretary of the session – Dr. Sharifah Sofea. All of them are top notches in the field! 

On 15th June 2023, the plan was to have mock viva with my supervisors at Pusat Strategi & Perhubungan Korporat UPM at the Canselori building itself as my Main Supervisor, Dato’ Prof. Dr. Abdul Muati is the director. A week prior, I managed to book the slot – thanks to the helpful secretary, Puan Jun. At 2.30 p.m., my other two Co-Supervisors Prof. Madya Dr. Moniza and Prof. Madya Dr. Hamisah came. We waited for Prof Muati who came around 3.00 p.m. as he was from Shah Alam after attending meeting with some State Secretariats (if I am not mistaken) in regards of the upcoming Selangor State Election. Apparently my 88 slides were too many – I was so overwhelmed by the all the information I extracted from my thesis – so in the end, Prof asked me to “trim down” the slides. AND I didn’t get to present or to be in that ‘rapid-fire’ hot spot Question-and-Answer simulation as our discussion was more of layback conversation. Initially, I felt bummed and anxious but later I’ve noticed that during the “conversation”, we did discuss on the possible questions to be asked, etc. So, I guess Supervisors knew better – that differentiate a PhD candidate and supervisors!

353398905_10159765393802833_7067552796023034955_n

The casual “mock viva.”! I was scared because I didn’t get to emulate the simulation as per real viva (being grilled on the spot!). But yeah, the possible questions to be asked were actually casually discussed while we were having the conversation. It was layback but in a way, uniquely fruitful. I guess SVs know best!

355710976_10159784064807833_6378726030631688902_n

No recording or footage is allowed during viva voce. So I took this prior to the session. Nervous!

Circa a month ago, UPM already sent me the zoom link through my email – that my viva vice was going to be conducted on 20th June 2023 at 2.30 p.m. So, I took work leave for two days to prep myself (on the 19th and 20th June). Truthfully, I was feeling a bit lethargic due to the hot weather and tonsilitis. So my thesiscation at Mardhiyyah Hotel in Shah Alam on the weekend, 17th and 18th June (Saturday & Sunday) was all about sleeping, sleeping and sleeping. I didn’t know why I felt so drowsy and sleepy the whole time! Nevertheless once I am back to Batang Kali, I forced myself for the big day:-

  • I did several “talk-to-the-camera” videos just to train myself on how to speak spontaneously on my thesis;
  • I perused and revised some of the communication textbooks suggested by lecturers such as Katherine Miller’s “Communication Theories: Perspectives, Processes, and Contexts” and Creswell-Poth’s “Qualitative Inquiry and Research Design: Choosing Among Five Approaches”

I was definitely feeling nervous especially on the day prior. I was also intimidated when I read experiences and “tips” shared in the Facebook’s Doctorate Support Group. That feeling of thinking that “I am still not good enough” was immense. But after messaging someone who I deeply admire and unabashedly having strong sense of adulation (Haha!), my inner storm was calmed. I was told to have a good rest and sleep well – as this was also once advised by this person’s supervisor – a long time ago. With that, I decided to succumb to my drowsy mind and body – “Tawakallah” – and off to bed early.

348428340_162434090132695_1551029115284623992_n

I first started to work my Abstract at Kota Bharu’s Perdana Hotel. I have strong affinity to that hotel. I love the Malay Muslim hospitality there. 

On the morning of 20th June, I was still “trimming” my slide presentation. The initially 88 slides were then reduced into 69 slides – and then 59 slides. At this point, I thought I was going to be half-berserk! Reducing the slides was definitely going to cost “lost of information”! But around 12.30 p.m.; I finally had the gut to reduce them significantly into 42 slides. I just told myself – “this needs to be done. Just rumble with it!”. So, at 2.30 p.m.; I entered the Zoom link for my viva voce and found out that:-

  • The Chairman was Prof. Madya Dr. Nizam
  • The two Internal Examiners were Prof. Jusang Bolong & Prof. Madya Dr. Akmar
  • The External Examiner was Prof. Dedy Mulyana from Fakultas Ilmu Komunikasi Universitas Padjadjaran.

Apart from them, Dr. Sharifah Sofia served as the Secretary of the viva voce. And all of my supervisors joined the session – which The Chairman quipped as a “rare scene as usually only one out of the three supervisors attend viva voce and Co-Supervisors don’t really do this!” So, I have to say this meant a lot to me – thank you Prof Muati, Dr. Moniza and Dr. Hamisah for squeezing time amidst hectic schedules! The Chairman, Prof Madya Dr. Nizam who is known for his meticulous and systematic nature began the session by stating that altogether there would be 9 sessions with twice intervals where the candidate (me) and supervisors were to be excluded from the main Zoom platform for the examiners to have private discussions:-

  1. The Casual Conversation : Warming-up session where everyone in the panel was to be introduced;
  2. Oral Presentation (Slides Presentation) with 15-20 minutes max;
  3. Abstract & Chapter 1 (Thesis Introduction, Background, Research Questions, Research Objectives, Significance of Research);
  4. Chapter 2 (Literature Reviews)
  5. Chapter 3 (Methodology)
  6. Chapter 4 (Findings & Discussion)
  7. Chapter 5 (Conclusion)
  8. Private Discussion of Chairman, Internal and External Examiners
  9. The Verdict

Phew, so the bloodbath began! For the whole 3 hours, I couldn’t move my ass as the examiners took turn to ask for clarifications and answers. As I was the focus of the session, it would be unprofessional to “excuse myself to the toilet” or even moved my face away from the screen! So for 3 hours, I weathered the questions back-to-back while glancing over my watch! As gist, these were the comments by all the two Internal Examiners (Prof Jusang Bolong & Prof. Madya Dr. Akmar) and External Examiner (Prof. Dedy Mulyana) :-

For my Abstract & Chapter 1 (Introduction):-

  • Abstract should be written only in a single paragraph as per UPM’s template.
  • Problem Statement : Integrate the disadvantage of using other theories other than Neo-Aristotelian; And why did I chose only to concentrate on Logos and not Ethos & Pathos?; Why did I this time frame from 2004-2018?
  • The wording of Research Objectives by using “To Identify” is very quantitative-based. Avoid using that as rhetorical analysis is interpretive. Therefore, the Research Objectives can be moulded into – “To understand the nature of Mahathir’s inventio” instead of “To identify Mahathir’s application of inventio”;
  • Why did Pronuntiatio is decided not to be discussed?
  • Since I used Purposive Sampling as my method of data collection, I have to mention it briefly in Chapter 1;
  • Include Definition of Keywords in Chapter 1
  • Avoid using “will be.” This research has already been conducted and therefore the wording must be in Past Tense.
  • Used No.1 and No.2 in the numbering of Research Questions – not the alphabets
  • Where are the Introduction subpoints in the Contents list?
  • Limitation – should be in Chapter 5 : Add the arguments on why Pronuntiatio is excluded
  • Scope and Significance of Research : As a teacher, what is the POV as a teacher? How students are to benefit from this research?

For my Chapter 2 (Literature Reviews):-

  • In Page 33 on the section of Published Studies Relevant to the Research : more in-depth of the research – what methods, theories they applied?
  • Dispositio and Elocutio : what were the findings of past studies related to these unit of analyses?
  • Definition of terminologies should be included in Chapter 1
  • Literature review is the comparison and synthesis of the concept – how did you relate that with your research?

For my Chapter 3 (Methodology):-

  • Citations are outdated. We need current citations to reflect the relevance of the methodology
  • Where is the title “Research Design”?
  • Be specific in the preamble that this research is applying Purposive Sampling with System Searching Strategy as refinement (Identification-Screening-Eligibility)
  • Audit Trail : elaborate why decided to implement this qualitative approach to increase reliability of data
  • Claim the stance vividly. The thesis mentioned that selection of speaker is based on affinity or antipathy. So why Mahathir was chosen? Based on affinity or antipathy? Explain the background reading conducted on materials that are both Pro & Anti Mahathir to neutralize the lens
  • Why the criteria of artifacts (subjects) contained “wholly / partially” issues on Malay Hegemony?
  • Add another column in the table of Speech Contents – duration of videos, url of videos
  • Process of transcribing the videos and way coders validated the contents of videos (highlight the The 5 Phase Coder Training)

For my Chapter 4 (Findings and Discussions):-

  • Bold the different elements of unit of analyses (logos Vs dispositio Vs elocutio) if the same speech excerpt containing all these
  • Highlight personal stance on the findings prior to Chapter 5
  • McCroskey died in 2012. How can the citation was typed as 2015?

For my Chapter 5 (Conclusion, Limitation & Implication):-

  • Chapter 5 is your chapter. It is a disappointment that the chapter only consist 20 pages whereas THIS IS YOUR OWN CHAPTER where everything you have garnered as a philosophical doctor should be outpoured in this chapter. The existing content is satisfactory but expected more from you
  • Limitation : Extensive and should encompass the significance
  • Contribution in Theoretical perspective: make comparison between this classic theory Vs the contemporary theories so that the argument on why this classic theory was chosen is strengthened
  • Contribution in Methodological perspective: highlight that you have adopted Audit Trail and Holsti’s Intercoder Reliability to empower the Foss’ Criteria for Adequacy in Rhetorical Criticism in the section of “Reliability and Validity in Rhetorical Criticism.”
  • Recommendation : Perhaps any other theories or methods to study the abstracts?
  • The thesis margin needs to be PAID ATTENTION!
  • References are OK but make sure the citation dates are correct

As you can tell, the session was saturated with a lot of corrections. I have to confess that I was overwhelmed. But the examiners ensured me that they would be sending Dr. Sharifah Sofea’s report on the lists of the correction. So, after the gruesome 3 hours; they isolated me and my supervisors to the Breakout Room. I was so touched that the three of them (Prof Muati, Dr. Moniza and Dr. Hamisah) were still there. So we chit-chatted while waiting for the verdict – Dr. Hamisah was actually about to cook for her Iftar while Prof Muati was attending this important State Secretariat meeting! Jazakallahu khayr!

352198938_10159769440672833_7282319835784757461_n 352129726_10159754548927833_3649391029877106004_n

Working on the presentation slides although I was feeling feverish that moment – at Shah Alam’s Mardhiyyah Hotel and Concorde Hotel. I love these two hotels as they exude the Malay Muslim Hospitality. And the Blue Mosque view – that was a spiritual placebo for me.

Once we were back in common Zoom platform, the Chairman explained that they had achieved consensus and that the title of my research would be slightly modified into: “Mahathir’s Rhetorics During Political Hiatus” – omitting the “A Rhetorical Analysis” since UPM discouraged that practice. And then :-

“Based on the three hours viva vocea and the private discussions we had during intervals – CONGRATULATIONS, DR. SHAHRILL. You’ve passed this viva voce with minor correction.”

The moment I heard the word “Dr. Shahrill”, I wept and cried spontaneously!! It wasn’t the tears of “Yes, I’ve made it!” – it’s more of “Is this real? All the sleepless nights; all the crying alone sessions; all the feeling of being suffocated but no where to turn to”; As if a big rock was finally lifted – the rock I’ve make peace with throughout this journey, patiently shouldering it and no one could see it but me. I was shaking and my tears unabashedly went down. I guess because they know me since my Master’s Degree days – Dr. Akmar, Dr. Moniza and Dr. Hamisah also had that tears watering their eyes. The supervisors were asked to give speeches. But what really touched me was what Dr. Moniza said:-

We have seen Shahrill’s journey. Initially when he started this PhD journey, clearly he didn’t know anything and had no clue about what he was trying to do. He aimed to study Angelina Jolie’s humanitarian speeches but after that changed to Mahathir’s. But we see his progress. Out of a sudden, his writings becomes better. He won the Third Prize in The National 3 Minutes Thesis and he writes in newspapers. We are all so proud of him.”

Alhamdulillah. It was an unforgettable experience. To be grilled 3 hours and then  to receive good news and comments from Supervisors; I was in Cloud 9. But honestly, I know that my journey in this session was eased by my mother’s Doa (she performed Yassin and Taubah Prayer and recited 170 times of Ayatul Kursi) as well as the presence of my supervisors. And I was also lucky to have sets of compassionate Examiners (Internal and External) that are known for their nurturing personas – unlike others who may want to adopt provocative nature. Alhamdulillah, I am thankful for that.

352114471_10159763330972833_5812012004590267838_n 353631311_10159761137317833_4946569448832092663_n354238418_10159772598572833_454504469061766402_n

     The preparation for the 2.30 slot – 20th June 2023. My viva voce!

So now, I am still waiting for the full report from FBMK as well as to fill up the three forms GS 16A, GS 25A and GS 17. All I can say is – Alhamdulillah; ALLAH SWT is the Greatest! Alhamdulillah!