I hate superficial life here in Jitra. I don’t know why those stoopid minds keep stalking my presence. –WHAT? I’m too PRETTY and that distract the attention????! I feel fu*ked up everytime i turn up to that track. Eyes goggling, mouths sniggering.. And every instructors just like to disturb my instructor from giving me proper lesson. Don’t think I donno what’s the meaning behind that sniggering devilish grin. GOD! People here are so pathetic! Cakap to my parents pun nothing i can get. They just don’t get it. All they think is that I don’t catch up and always melawan the instructor. I don’t wanna elaborate more to them. They just don’t get it.  I HATE people here!!!!

I have met a lot of people like these but meeting a bunch of them and have to stuck up to them is so dissapointing. i feel humiliated but of coz i dont blame myself. i love myself and i will never blame myself for anything. IT IS THEM who are supposed to feel ashamed ! A##hole !

** NOTIFICATION UPDATES

I’ve passed the first hurdle today. But why I don’t FEEL happy but sad?! I don’t understand wy that old bloody pakcik JPJ tu keep making some gesture and conotation yg menyakitkan hati. Dahlah he addressed himself to me as "I" !!! For example :-

• "U buat apa kat rumah? Kniiting,cooking? (gelak-gelak)
• "Tengok tangan dia nih bersih. Anak bertuah" (gelak-gelak excited)
• "Boleh tinggalkan no fon kat I. Nanti senang nak kontek2x ke haper ke" (kenyataan yg paling babi and disertai tersengih yang kurang ajar)

TAK KER B*BI TUH??? Luckily lah i got PR (public relation) skill sket2x yg bley dipraktikkan. just pretend jer lah gelak-gelak sambil fire balik tapi dlm hati tuh – "WHAT THE FU*K IZ YOUR PROBLEM OLD MAN?!!"  Sick betoi la org sini. Dahlah instructor2x kat sini tgk mcm la tak penah tgk orang, ni JPJ plak ! But of coz i can’t say out loUd to people. They might even laugh out loud (including my parents). I feel like crying coz i felt HUMILIATED but i just can’t. I’m helpless but I don’t blame Lord SWT for what I’m. I understand that every creations has the setback… and that’s including my face. For some people, my kinda-face is the one worth dying for (i’m not boasting or even proud of it. it’s just a fact) = what they say? Jambu? – PUHLEEZE! – I dont ever have that in my life dictionary (being dramatic). I’m not blaming Allah SWT instead amat bersyukur  dgn kurniaan Allah SWT (Astaghfirullah). Tapi what happen happens. This  ‘fatal’ beauty has caused a lot of stir in my life. The poison letter, the misusing of my pictures by culprits, unwanted sexual gestures by UNIMAGINABLE people,etc. But then jgn salah sangka. I’m GRATEFUL dgn kurniaan Allah SWT dan sama sekali tidak menyalahkan-Nya sbb i believe in destiny dan fate. Apa yg Allah jadikan ada hikmah-Nya. Cuma sbg insan yg lemah kadangkala kita terfikir melampaui pengetahuan kita. Whatever it is, this is just coretan terkilan. Saya TETAP bersyukur dan ingin Allah teruskan nikmat yg diberikan oleh-Nya.

P/s:  I’m not a person who give a damn about tO livin up to ppl’s expectation but sometimes i’m just ANGRY and humiliated with the way some UGLY people / so-called ‘NORMAL’ people reacted towards me. I know if this were to happen to someone out there who never really got noticed by people everywhere he/ she goes , he/ she ‘d probably LOVE all these!…. but SORRY ! NOT ME.

I guess i’m starting to like people in Jitra ni although I have to say the typical type is all just flooding the area (like i predict). I don’t wanna relate to any circumtances yg i already experience kat sini sebab i duont want anyone to feel upset (parents,etc) but yeah, it happens everytime and not that i can’t handle. The typical assumption just make me annoyed and i retaliated back (dan yg mengejutkan got this OLD pakcik making gesture of that!) sh*t! typical people.I have to agree with my godsis / Next-Cousin Darweena‘s opinion that every race is divided into 2 type :-

1. The ones who can accept things open-heartedly / just lay back

2. Stoopid narrow-minded typical lots!

Anyway, some sweet eye-candies (ahaks!) people really caught my attention here (although they are the ones who initiate the conversation..hahah,it’s a no biggie). For a temporary companion OK kot; not for hangout though.

And Oh ya, I’m in CC rite now and i ve just got another notification job offer from EPS Consultancy, Position: Employee Benefit Consultant. Wow, i have been shortlisted and the date interview 7hb April ni at Copthorne Orchid Hotel, Penang. Erm, tak bagitau my parents lagi. Apa2pun, tgkla dulu =).

p/s: Few songs are hooked in my mind lately. They are :

• Puff Diddy’s "Last Night" feat. Keyshia Cole – Love the piano fusion with the hip hop elements. So sexy!!
• Beyonce’s "Beautiful Liar" feat. Shakira – Needless to say!
• MCR’s "I Don’t Love You" – I LOVEEEEE the video clip! MCR is just SO HOT these days and their vc is just getting better! This one mainly depict black and white theme and artistically hot! just see it and you’ll be blown away!

They are just HOTTT ! I guess it’s becouase lately emo-ism is kinda fashionable and evryone’s into this. I guess i’m pretty much a chameleon when it comes to music. You know what they say, music is universal. And my sister also is taking a great liking of this band, reminding of her 90’s favorite band dulu : Smashing Pumpkin. With this new album, MCR already spawn 3 singles. HOT HOT HOT ! The phenomenal "Welcome To The BLack Parade" video clip depicted a journey of someone dying going to the netherworld and he came to this afterlife City Of the Dead. Very anime-like and humongous set yet very artistic. It’s one of my favorite videoclip ever. The second single " Famous Last Word" wasn’t much a hottie. We got the band playing in front of a burning. But the camera shot was cool though. Now the third "I Don’t Love You" is HOT! Seemingly simple with a white guy painted black and a latino looking girl painted white; the video clip plays with emotions and paints element. See IT and You will like it!

GRRRRR ! When i fail to get anything i crave for, i will go NOT rest apeace and certainly go mad about it! I HATE IT ! All my life i will go to any length to get what i desire, by hook or by crook (except if i lost interest in a spur of the moment. TRANSLATION : spontaneous la!). ERGHHH! What I am feeling now is unbearable! It’s just a trivial matter but GOD ! I loathe the frozen attitude You gave to me as if you are so hot! All i’m asking is what?- some congratulatory feedback or at least a ‘whaddup’ after an attempt to reconcile with u after 6 months of hiatus?! (God, I’m counting! That’s so pathetic.Sh*t!)

Perhaps You got all your STOOPID preppy friends around you and of course you are acting so toughen up- immuned by any mellowed messages. FU*K YOU ! Do they EVEN know how you coiled up to me in our first 2 dates? You are just being double-faced! Owh, whatever-this is getting sick and sicker and i’m also sick of myself for humbling myself. I mean, it’s ME ! I don’t go for people. People Go for me (there again, the snobbish i’m the most shud-be-sought-after attitude) ! Now, voila! all i want was to convey my GOOD NEWS and my upcoming BIG DAY tomorrow and you are being silent-stone and of course the lame excuse would be no credit!!!! I don’t know why i’m being so snobbish and dramatic (u bet!) about this. Guess i need a salvatory valve to channel this anger and well,i probably will just forget about this after i wrote this whole hullaballoo thing. ARGHHHH ! I feel like just calling you and slam you for that but of coz i cant waste my credit (lain la kalao SMS kan?!). I HATEEEEE YOU !!! =(

**  NOTIFICATION UPDATES:

Hheehe..after much of tantrum throwings, at last You-Know-Who submitted to my COMMAND by making the first attempt to patch up!!! ahhaha,i know this sounds so selfish; let to say childish; but it does make me feel GOOD!!! The reason YANG MEMANG DAH DIJANGKA for the ever stony-silence= NO KREDIT ! It’s lame-O. Antiquated. AND i have issue about this = i mean, PEOPLE ! EVEN IF TAKDE KREDIT, IT WOULDN’T DO HARM KAN TO ACKNOWLEDGE ME THAT BY PINJAM SATU SMS KAT KAWAN KE KAN?! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK? – but of course knowing You-Know-Who> berat nak bukak mulut pinjam benda org tapi kalao org lain pinjam bereh saja ya!.

Anyway, it was sorta nice sweet escape (ahakss!) SMS-ing TILL WEE HOUR (takdenyer nak call.abehkan kredit kan. My satisfactory intimacy come in cheap price.haha). But then, it’s weird..I’m not really THAT excited like i’m craving for hot stuff. Guess the passion just terpadam dah kot (erk???ahaks!). Apa2pun…YIPPEE! =)

Parents are precious creatures God created for us the beings of the Earth. But of course as much as we would like to please them as opposed to the contradictory self intuition, we however tried as hard as we can to honor them. Movies with this fragile subject usually hit me deep at my heart :  My favorite movie all time is definitely "Mulan". I don’t give a damn of any sarcasm of cynical people outhere! I love what i like and that’s final. No question of being ashamed or shy to admit whatsoever.

"Mulan" was released by Disney’s Animation in summer June 1998. I remembered vividly that i was so excited when Disney released the  trailer around February and was keen about it. The story about a supposed-to-be meek and demure young girl masqueraded as a man in order to save her ailing father was an ultimate sacrifice a child could do to her/his parents. Mulan tried so hard to fit in the hereditary traditional moulds but due to her rebellious and outspoken nature, she failed to be the meek Chinese "Porcelain Doll" she was supposed to be. When the Huns invaded China, the Emperor summoned every men to be enrolled in the army as "Even the single grain can tip the scale : one man is a difference between victory and defeat" (dialog yg saya ingat dari filem). In order to save face and retain the honor of her family and to save her old father from war, Mulan then did the unthinkable by masquerading herself as a man… I have to say i’m most touched to the end of movie where Mulan presented her father the crest and the sword of Shan Yu (the dead Huns leader); as a token symbolized the honor she brought to the family. But what Fa Zhou said was simply "The Greatest Gift And Honor Is To Having You For A Daughter". The scene never fail to bring tears to my eyes.

Besides that, teh scene where Fa Zhou tried to soothen Mulan’s heart sebab she felt she was a useless child who never will bring honor to her family also evoke strong feeling for me. The simple dialogue meant to indicate that Mulan needed to give herself time to realize she’s special is cleverly conveyed in : "The Flower That Blooms In Adversity Is the Most Rare and Beautiful Of All". It meant that her her uniqueness make her special and she has to believe that. Ahhh, I could relate that to a conversation i had with Mak in those hormone-raging teenager days when i felt ugly and unacttractive ( i know this may sound stupid but i’m not ashamed of confessing what I did. Mak would say thousands of kind words to alleviate my feeling and I am always touched whenever i think about it over and over again *sob*).

The other parents-themed movie i’m attached would be "Kabhie Khushi Kabhie Gham". It teaches us taht sometime parents do make mistake and needed to be guided by their young ones. The movie also voiced out the emotional upheavel yg selalunya anak-anak hadapi- "Although our parents are older and take care of us, do they have the right to melukakan hati anak-anak?" Such trivial message but never fail to make me sebak too.

I love my parents so much but sometimes i’m a rebellious. I’m never a very good child but i’m trying to be the very best for them as i know they have been sacrificing and pampering so much (more than any 22 years old I assume!). Still, I hope God SWT guide me and kekalkan my innerself and not to be led astray by anything…Insya Allah.

Alhamdulillah segala pujian bagi Allah Tuhan sekalian alam. Thank Lord SWT for the rezeki passed Ujian PTD (Pegawai Tadbir & Diplomatik) peringkat pertama. This was an unexpected as it was very tough and hard !And i cried gratefully when i have learnt this sbb mmg tak menaruh harapan yg tinggi. The journey is nonetheless still a long way to go but what You bequeaths to me this such little euphoria make me realize the Greatness of Yours. Perhaps the prayers of my mother was answered instead of mine. Alhamdulillah…Anyway, apa2pun, kalao ada rezeki i will go further, kalao tak sampai sini sahja. Doakan lah ya! And i would like to apologise to number of friends for not telling the truth. I was scared if i didn’t made the first round. Hope u guys understand that.

Anyway, Yeeha!! Just managed to download Beyonce’s new song featuring Shakira entitled " Beautiful Liar" . It’s a nice arabic fusion with latino elemental music! OH MY GOD! They are so hot together although no much scantily clad but the dancing is blown-away! Yalah, what do you expect when Bootylicious dances with BellyDancer, kan? For those who nak download can go to:- http://www.zshare.net/download/beyonce-feat-shakira-beautiful-liar-mp3-cq1.html ( i’m not hosting this. Just grab anonymously ya!)

" BEAUTIFUL LIAR " by Beyonce’ feat. Shakira

Ay, Ay, Ay
Nobody likes being played
Beyonce, Beyonce
Shakira, Shakira (hey)

[Beyonce] He said I’m worth it, his one desire
[Shakira] I know things about ’em that you wouldn’t wanna read about
[Beyonce] He kissed me, his one and only, (yes) beautiful Liar
[Shakira] Tell me how you tolerate the things that you just found out about

[Shakira] You never know
[Beyonce] Why are we the ones who suffer
[Shakira] I have to let go
[Beyonce] He won’t be the one to cry

[Beyonce] (Ay) Let’s not kill the karma
(Ay) Let’s not start a fight
(Ay) It’s not worth the drama
For a beautiful liar
[Shakira] (Oh) Did he laugh about it
(Oh) It’s not worth our time
(Oh) We can live without ’em
Just a beautiful liar

[Shakira] I trusted him, but when I followed you, I saw you together
[Beyonce] I didn’t know about you then ’till I saw you with him again
[Shakira] I walked in on your love scene, slow dancing
[Beyonce] You stole everything, how can you say I did you wrong

[Shakira] You never know
[Beyonce] When the pain and heartbreak’s over
[Shakira] I have to let go
[Beyonce] The innocence is gone

[Shakira] Tell me how to forgive you
When it’s me who’s ashamed
[Beyonce] And I wish could free you
Of the hurt and the pain
(Both) But the answer is simple
He’s the one to blame

* Congrats to the another One Third of Doncha Club , Efisius too for makin it the first round. Who knows if ada rezki the Doncha Club (Me-Kat-Efy) would be togezzer again? *wink*.

Yesterday was a little bit a day of myriad of colors i would say. Plethora of thoughts and some unexpected outcome. I received a phone call yesterday (more like a tele-interview) from a credit card company resides in PJ ( i forgot already waht’s the name i applied in Jobstreet). Anywway, the job was this telecaller whose task is to call people who ada hutang ngan credit card, give them reminder and etc. It’s like a public relation-orientated la. They really desperate for ppl; urgent and asked me to go to Kl to set the date for interview. I was a bit sleepy that time so the anxiety silap cakap omputeh tuh takplak timbul la. everything went smoothly. Anyway, mak said tak pyh pegi. Enuff said. Well, anywya, the job offered me merely RM 1200++ jer and have to work Saturday plak. Takperlah, not interested kot.But it’s fun to know that i got a job offer though (ahaks!).

Anyway, yesterday gak unexpectedly You-Know-Who (more like the friend la) antar SMS witha ‘Valentine’s-conotation’ AGAIN! Patch up back?I dunno but anyway, it’s kinda nice to feel appreciated since been lamenting it for so long. The setback was however, the SMS was not directly sent by You-Know-Who. THE FRIEND again! Sometimes, i think the friend just wanna flirt with me rather than You-Know-Who. well,whatever =)

Hindi films never fail to bring tears to our eyes. Cliche and yawningly boring but nontheless evoke the fantasy life we all yearning to lead. I admit i aint a hindi hardcore but i’m really attach to two of Karan Johar’s masterpieces "Kuch Kuch Hota Hai" (Something Happens In Hearts) and "Kabhie Khushi Kabhie Gham" (Somtimes Happiness Sometimes Sadness). Indians from India mostly are very fluent in english despite their not-so-well economic stability. Berdasarkan pemerhatian saya, they speak english with flowery conotation and beautiful innuendos (sebab tuh ramai Indians yg jadi Miss World,etc sebab their english are very subtle in a very poetry projection yet the initial meaning remains intact!).

Anyway, that’s not the real reason. I just wanna share with those who read my ‘virtual space’ ni the beauty of a song from the movie Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. This song is sung by a group of Hijra in a sequence where Anjali’s first love is incomplete when Rahul confessed taht he’s in love with Tina instead of her (in the heavily pouring rain scene). I guess those whose love is incomplete would probably relate to this lyric.

O ! My Lord , love comes with so much pain

The heartfelt remains in the heart

And does not escape from one’s lips

You did not remember me there’s nothing to say

The heart cried and the eyes welled up

There’s nothing more left to say

I gave you all my joys

Gave you all my smiles

Your locks enticed me

Bidding messages of faithfulness

You couldn’t care for my love.

There’s nothing more left to say

P/s : That’s what i feel. Do you still remember me? =( 

Those who are not avid users of Friendster and Myspace keep asking me why am I so religious into this. Well, I don’t know. It’s kind of subjective. For me, it’s fun because it’s an interactive things and almost everyday (for me la!) there will be messages, testimonials, comments or friend requests to be ‘entertained’. So I guess i’m having the ‘fun’ becoz my accounts are rather active. Of coz when you open the accounts and find no new messages or whatesoever, it’s kinda dull and bore. So I guess, that’s taht!

It’s true internet could sometimes be lethal. I recalled vividly those days bila ada org guna my gambar tulis benda tak senonoh and hantar poison letter to me tuh. And of coz there are some stalkers with the like of paedophilias and casual sex seekers out there…. It makes you a scaredy cat when you read "The Wicked Heart" written by Christopher Pike (check my review on this novel in my page!). If only those who message me are superliccious hotness Angelina Jolie or at least a Cristiano Ronaldo… I will be DROOLINGLY GLAD giving my numbers y’all ! Hahha…kidding *sigh*- I don’t believe in net relationship. where is the one who will take MY EVERYTHING?! For me to wait and for you to find out. enuff said.

I admit that i’m not a football fanatic but whnever every nows and thens i watch the games, i enjoy them and get excited immensely. Last night encountered with the live telecast of the second leg of UEFA Champions League . Anyway, since Manchester United was scheduled to play against Losc Lille, I figured what the heck! Tetiba plak my enthusiasm was flared altho masa tuh cam dh ngantuk sket and watching those football fanatics thronging the good ole’ Old Trafford membuatkan saya jeles dan it seems like a fiesta there! Best nya kala dpt pegi! I’m talking about massive collossal number of people yg mmg packed dlm stadium tuh! Kalau dapat pegi UK best lah dapat pegi at least once kan? (Am,hang bleh lah pegi nanti!).

Since during the first leg of the championship kalah mati ni, Losc Lille kalah agreggat ngan Manchester United (1-0); kemenangan yg agak kontroversi hasil sepakan percuma Ryan Giggs (teringat lah plak kat Fayeez masa Form 3 Zamrud dulu. He always fascinated himself as Ryan Giggs =p) tu memang membuatkan depa nih main dengan bersungguh2x. Now when i’ve come to think of it, i did come across news pasai victory of Ryan Giggs nih dlm suratkahbar 2 minggu lalu tapi baca gitu2x jerla.. Apa2pun teh match was OK since Man Utd hanya play safe keeping up with their pace but certainly the star of the game is none other than  Cristiano Ronaldo Santos Aviero (who happens to make it to my "WHO I WANNA MEET" list) ! His agility and immature playing tricks againts the opponent kekadang seemed so puerile but he’s a damn good player especially dribbling the ball kat area corner.

I’m sorry if any of Man Utd fans outhere yg encountered this entry but i have the feeling taht the referee yg daripada sepanyol tuh cam bias sket lah. Losc Lille banyak diberi kad kuning especially Kinta Kader (kalao silap nama nih sorry la) yg nampak bengang bila dipersalahkan atas ralat minor. Cristiano Ronaldo plak siap merayu kat referee bila dilayangkan kad kuning di kotak penalti..Hahha,sometimes football match can be a drama worthwhile watching! Anyway, around minit ke-70, Cristiano Ronaldo menghantar satu tendangan cantik memintas pemain Losc Lille ke Larsson yg mmg berlegar kat kotak penalti and without hesitation terus menanduk bola cantik masuk ke gol! Well,that’s certainly membuatkan pasukan Losc Lille hilang semangat dan bermain lebih kasar sehingga adalah yg berdarah hidung!

Apa2pun, it’s a nice football match. Selain daripada Man Utd-Losc Lille, ader gak match Bayern Munich-AC Milan, and Celtic-Real Madrid . Teringatlah plak zaman masa kanak2x dulu dan waktu sekolah menengah waktu Pendidikan Jasmani. oh, how i wish time could be turned back. And to mulut2x itik (in case kalau ade lagi yg dok baca dan tak insaf mengutuk tu), i do used to play football lah (korang main tak?!!!*OOPS!)..hahaha!

On whole, Cristiano Ronaldo is fabulously amazing! I wanna meet him but of course Angelina Jolie tops the list la. These people are so lucky coz i wanna meet them (ahaks! You wish!)

Notification Updates : Ada kesalahan info. Actually Bayern Munich-Real Madrid and vice versa for Celtic and and AC Milan. Thanks Abg Zam (via Kakak) for teh correccion! =)

As a music devotee aka aficianado, watching up-todates music videoclips is just a ritual routine. What’s better way to watch than catching up with MTV’s Total Request Live (TRL)?! Nontheless, lately i’ve been quite deluded from the musical affinity kerana sebab musabab tertentu dan teknikal. Anyway, the reason for this entry is solely to express how surprise and not to say AWED with Hilary Duff’s new video called "With Love" ! It is a total cry from her usual bubble gum teen pop’s image. She emerged in these racy outfits (a TIGHT skirt no less! ; displaying her usual hidden curvaceous sillouhette! OH MY GOD!). I’ve been her fan in comparison to Miss Lohan due to my affinity towards children-prone series ‘Lizzie McGuire". I even enjoyed her first album "Metamorphosis" (which by the way the cliche puerile music genre) but the successor albums saya dah tak ikuti sebab she sounded quite typical. But I must confess that her raunchy image in this "With Love" videoclip membuatkan mata saya langsung tak berganjak sbb agak mengejutkan melihat she’s very sexy coz all this while she potrays this naive goody-2-shoes girl image. SHE’S superliciously HOT and make my pulse racing! kalau Lohan tgk mesti bengang la…hahaha! So people check it out!

Besides that, i also enjoy :-

1. Justin Timberlake’s "What’s Goes Around…Comes Around" with yummy Scarlett Johannsson making a cameo apperance. Although it seems lame and we know the purpose of the concept is to showcase Timberlake’s acting talent as his movie "Black Snake Moan" dah nak keluar; and not to say i always loathe his style; still his songs are quite enjoyable lately – co produced by musical honcho Timbaland!
2. MCR’s "Famous Last Words" however is quite dissapointment in comparison to the previous humongously-hit "Welcome To The Black Parade" (very dark and anime gothic like.just love it!). Apa2pun tomorrow’s TRL will feature Christina Aguilera’s latest single "Candymen". Preview tadi mcm best jer! She potrays her Marilyn Monroe-esque’s alter ego Baby Jane. Check it out you’ all !
3. Carrie Underwood’s "Don’t Forget To Remember Me" (Malaysians yg dok oversea mesti sedih dgr lagu ni)
4. All Nelly Furtado’s featured singles from her latest album "Loose". Her collaboration with Timbaland produce songs yg memang lekat to my mind with the like of "Say It Right","Promiscuous",and "Why Do All Good Things Comes To An End". Well, sex sells and she’s the living proof ‘cha all !
5. Anyway banyak lagi music videos yg worthwhile! Fall Out Boys, The Killers, Muse (Knight of Cyadonia) and many more cool videos!

P/s: I’m beginning to think that i have the talent to replace Su Chin Pak‘s or Vanessa Minillo’s place as TRL’s VJ !! hehehe.. Anyway, the attached picture is just a prototype for my upcoming Vj-ing portfolio!Hahha.. I just love to fantazies. You know what they say, Fame Comes and Goes, Stars Rise and Falls but Dreams Live Forever (Dreamgirl’s tagline) =)