But I Can’t Spell It Out For You. No It’s Not Gonna Be That Simple. No I Can’t Spell It Out For You.

Jukebox Mood: "Realize" by Colbie Caillat

I’m angry. I’m sad. I’m torn between my pride and my little voice inside. It’s trivial…. but why am I so cooped up in that tiny little dejected feeling? ergh! Whatever la. Pegi mampos la. It ain’t worth my brain cells to divulge into this micro-tiny tantrums. But yeah..whatever I may jot down here I still makin’ me sad. Sad. Sad. Sad. And….Sad. I won’t be saying it out loud to anyone or will I cry outside anymore; this writing up just to siphon out, to alleviate, to memujuk myself. There’s so much more of those who are keep coming to me and yet I’m savoring something that merely sillhouttes. It’s alright to feel that Childlike. It’s just another phase of growing up before you find the Charm.It’s Ok, to be sad. It’s Ok to cry inside…..it’s all alright.

NOTIFICATION UPDATES (I) :

It’s complex. People says I’m difficult. I’m mysterious. I’m defensive... *sigh*. I have no answer for that nor will I comment anything on it. Pretty much so far, I think I’m merely simple person to be understood. But, it’s alright. People don’t have to understand me; if they don’t, it means they don’t complement me and it will remains that, I’m afraid =( . Listening to Colbie Caillat’s "Realize" is quite a therapeutic remedy. It’s OK…I would just have to occupy myself with other ‘stuff’.

NOTIFICATION UPDATES (II) :

I’ve been occupying myself with the office workloads yang I bawa balik. It’s a good diversion. With the rendition of Colbie Caillat’s "Realize" being played for like trillionth times, it’s just getting sombre-ly therapeutic. I’m also in a process of finishing the book "The Fountainhead" by Ayn Rand which is very interesting. I have to say that i have deep connection with the character Dominique Francon (I would explain on the book thoroughly when I finish reading it). I found similarities between us; and it scares me..

NOTIFICATION UPDATES (III) :

Burying oneself in the enormous workloads sometimes bring a greater good; a great diversion, and yeah, u tend to finish up most task being assigned to you. It’s a remedial for me, a solace I’m counting on for now. Hurm..now that i’ve cooled down a lil bit (but still feel sore over it), everything seemed micro-trivial (and yeah, I have to say that there was indeed some gestures made to make-up for that whatever-that-make-me-sad-that-day)… But the dejected emotion is still there (yeah, i guess I don’t forgive easily); for now, i’m not savouring anything from no one. Life has a lot of things to offer and I a’int gonna pass all that (or mourn) over something elusive as this !In the end, it’s always my family who love me most dearly and I treasure them always.. Now that i’ve already have a nephew, Mohd Rifqi who I love to death, I’m beginning to learn to get rid of my "uncouth" alter ego (a different hidden side of me that hardly anyone notice it).. the Dominique Francon alter ego.

It’s Not all The Same, It’s Never The Same, If You Don’t Feel It Too.

As a movie freak, I’m glad to say that this year I have the opportunity to witness the much anticipated event in the movie calendar via live telecast. Initially there were a lot of doubts whether the Academy Awards is going to take place as several legendary events prior to the Big Night; with the likes of Vanity Fair Pre-Oscar Party and Golden Globe were cancelled due to the Writers’ Strike commotion! The 80th Academy Awards generally was quite predictable yet to see the legendary event took place in the astonishing Kodak Theatre is somewhat endearing.

This year witnessed quite a number of un-American actors winning the top coveted spots. Javier Bardem of "No Country For Old Men" wins the Best Actor In Supporting Role ( a spanish and rumored of dating Penelope Cruz) and French actress Marion Cotillard who wins Best Actress through her superb potrayal of Edith Piaf, French legendary chanteuse who fell from grace. The other top two spots, The Best Actor and Best Actress In Supporting Role are both won by Brits; respectively by Daniel Day-Lewis of "There Will Be Blood" and Tilda Swanson of "Michael Clayton" (of Narnia fame as White Witch. Remember her?!). She beats favorite Cate Blanchett who potrayed the challenging gender bending character of Bob Dylan. The Best Picture is predictably won by "No Country For Old Men" which previously had won the coveted Golden Globe.

Although the centrepiece ceremony was rather cliche and boring, the "side dishes" of red carpet parades was quite enthralling, I say. Anchored by Ryan Seacrest, Gulianna Rancic nee De Pandi and of  course Kimora Lee "Ex" Simmons, the red carpet coverage was a remedy. It seemed though that red was the choice for the Oscar night (Anne Hathaway,Heidi Klum,Katherine Heigel and even Miley Cyrus were seen donning the flaring color); Anne Hathaway has bounced back from last year’s Valentino fiasco and she looks exquisite! On whole (according to Kimora), the stars tend to ‘play safe’ this year by not daring to experiment; well, who can forget the Bjork’s infamous Goose or Cher’s aerospace-hat-or-whacchamacallit y’all? Hhahaah! But then, if the stars play dress up properly, they might stand a chance to be etched in the fashion calendar for eternity though! For example, when Halle Berry donned that exquisite Elib Saab’s sexy net-ish, everyone was awed and she was indeed the star of the event that day (and she won Oscar too, for God sake!). People who never heard Saab’s Israeli name were like chasing for his design after that. Yeah, very superficial, i know because for me fashion is like so flexible. There are no Dos or Don’ts. And who the well those so-called fashionaistas to tell whether your hot or not in that attire? HHahaa, the funny thing is that those so-called fashionista themselves look like HAG, I say!~ Geez!

Anyway, I was waiting for Angie to grace the red carpet but what a bummer! The E!News correspondent was like saying that Angie was NOT INVITED! Geez~ Anyway, as for the pregnancy; it seems that the stork has indeed inseminate (erk?) something as a visible baby bump Angie appeared at Independent Spirit Awards (is it the name?) held prior to the night of the Oscar. Well, on whole it was a nice event.

Jukebox Mood : "Ingkar" by Bunga Cinta Lestari

Phew~… It has been 2 consecutives tiring weekend for me (needless to elaborate though) especially yesterday (Sunday); which was a somewhat mind-boiling for me! Erm, to cut short, i was on the way back from Kedah on a bus of AB express (haven’t heard of it? Well, me either; but since there’s no bus available dah, this unknown bus was a last resort). Pushed off from Jitra around 8.30am and well, the bus was like berhenti masuk to Sungai Petani and all; it’s just really time consuming journey.

Around 2.25pm, we passed Simpang Pulai in Perak and that was when the ‘misadventure’ begins. The air cond rosak! Everyone was like suffocating dalam bas tuh; and not to say drenched with sweat (EWWW; I know!). Tempers were rising up and everyone was like swearing and cursing and the driver’s attempt to alleviate the anger memang dah tak menjadi, la kan?? So, we berhenti sekejap kat perhentian R&R Simpang Pulai kononnya ther drivers were to fix the air cond. Tunggu sampai 30 minit = Nothing Happened! Alih-alih the driver resumed the journey ( and we all though maybe dia nak berhenti somewhere further to fix the air cond or at least called another bus as alternative!). Rupa-rupanya sampai terus KL dia bawak! Arghhh, imagine that we had to manually mengipas (fan!!!) ourselves ; and of course was like sweating like hell! God knows how hot it was; felt like was cremated alive! Geez~

Sampai KL around 5.00pm and I took both Star and ERL coz I parked motorcycle at Putrajaya. Nak dijadikan cerita, masa berhenti at trafik light, I heard someone was like whistling to me. I pay no heed at first but the the whistling was like twice and thrice; so i jerked my head tengok kat tepi tuh siapa (maybe someone I knew was driving car?); at first I thought the driver looked like my kelantanese friend Bob but then, it’s impossible as Bob now works in Penang, hasn’t he? The driver was like smiling, smirking and muttered something like "Hi"; I was LIKE tired and kinda furious so I just gave him cold look. I guess that gave him a shock that he just sped off his car when the light turned green. God! I’m just stunned by that, I mean being whistled by stranger while riding motorcycle?!!! Hurm, sometimes animalistic instinct clouds the common sense, ain’t it? I was kinda furious and flustered though. Balik2x terus pening kepala…..ai *sigh*

Dari Hati Kini Ku Sadari. Tak Semestinya Aku Berkasih.

" Belum Pernah Ada Getaran Sebegini. Memang Benar …."

Jukebox Mood : CintaMu by Siti Nurhaliza

The day I pushed off from Alor Star to come back to KL was really a ‘something’. An experience I would say…a nightmare? Erm, probably! But I won’t exaggerate it THAT much hehe. The journey which usually takes around 5 hours was like stretched to 10 HOURS! That’s ages, I say! Whew~

The bus pushed off around 11.45am from Alor Star and I was actually at the ‘verge’ of to pee sebenarnya. But, of course I thought maybe I can just tahan and go kencing at the R&R dalam perjalanan tu. Well, you can imagine how ‘uncomfortable’ I was throughout the first half of the journey; and PLUS seeing the commotion of traffic jam yang congested dengan vehicles plak menambahkan ‘ketidakselesaan’ itu. Last2x since I cannot tahan already, I just cakap to the driver to stop! Hehhee..well, obviously I’m not the only one! Now, THAT’S A NIGHTMARE!

Finally, at 10.30pm the bus arrived at Pudu; and of course after STAR and ERL and supper at Hassan Cafe, around 12.00am baru sampai to Bangi. Geez…Flight is indeed luxurious in comparison to this. Hurm =)

Anyway, Valentine’s Day is to approach in the next few days. Well, although it’s not a culture to celebrate it but I guess it does no harm to express appreciate as a token of gratitude. Happy Valentine’s Day…..

Perjanjian Kita Berdua. Kekal Selama.

Jukebox Mood : "Destinasi Cinta" by Siti Nurhaliza

Last week and this week have been a-holiday zone for most of all the taxpayers!!! This week, I only to work for 2 days (today is the last day) coz tomorrow I’ll be gone for my annual leave and 2 days for Chinese New Year and of course, the weekend. Initially plan of going back to Kedah tapi tiket bas semua dah abis (yeah, I always beli tiket lambat…)!! Abg Zam maybe would try his luck asking kawan dia yg kerja ngan Mara Linear tgk ader ke takder tiket lagi; but most probably I’m opting of naik flight lagi la *sigh* . Suddenly I miss Ayah ngan Mak. This always happen whenever I feel deluded or secluded…. I have mood swing and I need a salvatory haven…I miss Mak in particular. A someone I can really talk and patiently hear whatever I say. I dunno why I feel melancholic as I’m jotting down this =( .  Feel like crying (yeah, I know sound exxagerating). Life as an adult needs to be tough. Full of burdens and badmouthings! For now, I need a haven where I’m free from all this hullaballoo..=( Tonight, I probably meet up with Acai; it’s just to siphon out whatever I feel. It’s me, myself and I to face everything. O Zenith, where art thou? *sigh*

NOTIFICATION UPDATES (I) :

I was very pissed off yesterday night! Acai supposed to meet at 9pm ; so I figured out maybe to kill time waiting for him, just went browsing internet at the CC nearby. Damn! Up till 11pm, still in the office. OK, fine, waited for like 45 minutes tak datang jugak! Finally, I just buzz off; feeling irritated and my volcano was like dah nak erupted dah! I ain’t gonna go out with him for a while now; just to calm myself. Arghh, I’ve always hate WAITING (especially, for like 2-3 hours! Ergh, W.H.A.T.E.V.E.R!).  ARghhhhhh!!!!

Well, I don’t think it’s worth my brain cells to get vengeance on that rite? Hurm, for time being, it’s better to be content on whatever appreciation that I have rather than to ponder over something like this. I’m yearning over Sweet Home (up north!).

NOTIFICATION UPDATES (II) :

Yesterday, Kakak browsed the internet-online booking untuk MAS ticket and semua dah takder and takleh book for less than 48 hours flight. I thought memang I’m to spend my days here in Bangi. Tapi luckily pegi kat KLIA, ader ticket lagi but the cheapest they could offer was RM275. Erm, takpelah. At least I’m gone for a breakaway; pushed off at 7.50pm, Insya Allah.

Anyway, I’d like to share with all of you a quotation by Angie that is quite close to my heart. It’s simple but enough to illustrate my principal in life.

"Love one person, take care of them until you die. You know, raise kids. Have a good life. Be a good friend. And try to be completely who you are. And figure out what you personally love. And like go after it with everything you’ve got no matter how much it takes."

– Angelina Jolie.

Kini Menuju Ke Destinasi. Puncak Cinta Tertinggi.