Earlier this year, I have premonition that this year is going to be my Year of Metamorphosis; and it is. New experiences are up on my sleeves and definitely enriching my personality and how am I to equip myself for the world. So, I have been unwillingly appointed as the new PIBG (PTA) Treasurer and is likely to be so for the next 3 years. For the past 5 months, the tasks as PIBG Treasurer are bearable for me – I do vouchers; I collect the funds; I prepare the cheques and update the ledger. Bearable.

The finishing line of cycling tournament organized by MTB Serendah Cycling Club, as guest organizer to our school’s Charity Carnival. Picture Courtesy of Ustaz Harris. 

Like I said, I don’t want this designation because I know I am not good in Mathematics and accounting (I get easily confused even if one wants to change the smaller notes with tricky transaction!). But the school is ADAMANT (as if there is no one better?! Bullshit!). I have to say I did express my shock and disapproval for blatantly appointing me, although the school knows I am PURSUING PhD which needs my concentration, even more (and what’s more, this 3rd semester is IMPORTANT as I need to prepare for my Proposal Defence!!!)! I am angry, sad and frustrated. I know that the administration chooses me within the parameter of that the Treasurer must be :-

• a MALE – Why male? Because it is “difficult” for women to travel to school at nights and as the meetings usually will be held during nighttime; and
• RELIABLE – a male teacher who shows signs of reliability in comparison to the ones who don’t give a fuck about school rules.

The scene at the frontyard. I was cooped in the room so I have no idea what was going on – Picture courtesy of Ustaz Harris.

Bird’s eye view.

Since I am perceived as both, and under the token of being a single (regardless if I pursue PhD; do they give a damn? No, Shahrill can do it because he is single; No, Shahrill can do it because he was an ex-banker – I didn’t even deal with monetary form during my AFFIN years and I didn’t even managed a ledger! I just did paperwork, and cashflow and socializing with clients!!!!), of course I was elected as PIBG Treasurer. And when I lament that to the senior teachers, you know what they say :-

“Oh, orang muda kena kuat; kami orang tua tak boleh” (you young man must be strong; we the oldies cannot do all these stuffs).

-OK, and still these oldies talk bad stuffs about us, the youngsters who do all these difficult works! What a shitty situation! Feel like slapping those antiquated vermin!

To cut the story short, for the past 2 weeks my life has become a living HELL. My school is organizing Charity Carnival 2017 in order to raise funds to build corridor from the gate up to the school’s buildings which are situated on elevated hill – so you could imagine the distance that the kids need to walk before they reach the classes and things got worsen during scorching hot afternoons or wet rainy days! Starting from 22nd September, I started to :-

• Collect the coupons payment for morning session and HAD TO STAYBACK for the afternoon session (one teacher for the whole 90++ teachers/staffs!!! Imagine!);
• Gather the contribution money from Outsiders (Sumbangan Luar).

Our YDP PIBG, Dr. Arik Sanusi bin Yep Johari joined the demonstration. – Picture courtesy of Ustaz Harris.

The coupons alone are tantamount to RM22,000 (staggered phases) and the contribution money that I’ve handled was around RM1,000! And then, beginning 25th September until 29th September, the school’s Wayang Squad began its operation – each day I would receive mixture of coupons and cash – apart from the continuous coupons payment! All alone!!! The school relies on me alone to manage the whole cash and coupons – AND I MUST NOT LEAVE CLASS AND PUPILS MUST BE MONITORED while I am always expected to function as the PIBG Treasurer! 

Kids and the waterball – Picture courtesy of Ustaz Harris.

During this horrible week (25th September-28th September), I had to go to the bank EVERYDAY as the cash was building up and I am not planning to held other people’s cash in my own surveillance!! And on Thursday 27th September, I had to bail out as the PIBG Treasurer to be the MC for Cikgu Norsiah’s Retirement Ocassion (which was fine as public speaking is my forte) and after that rushed to UPM to attend my Qualitative Research class! My body was tired but who gave a fuck? No one and they kept gossiping behind my back, sure! On Friday I was feeling lethargic and my tonsils enlarged and I had mild fever and my head throbbed – BUT I had to collect the coupons/cash and went to the bank. Stayed back until 7.00 o’clock p.m. Twilight, zoned-out.

Some of my colleagues’ stalls. Kudos to all teachers. I only had the opportunity to taste the burger by Cikgu Rosmainy’s team! Thumbs up! – Picture courtesy of Ustaz Harris.

On Saturday, that was THE BIG DAY – The Charity Carnival 2017! I had my breakfast at Batang Kali and tried to psyche my mind to face the longgggg day ahead. Once I reached the PIBG Room at 8.15 a.m., my work already commenced. Unlike my other colleagues who were physically combating the sunlight and sweat out there selling stuffs, I am all alone cooped in the PIBG Room, counting the money. Once a while I went outside as the runner to collect money from the Coupons Stall and then cooped myself back inside, counting the money. Sure people said :-

“Syokla, bilik ekon” (you are enjoying yourself with this air-conditioned room)

-but I was MENTALLY EXHAUSTED counting, and counting, and counting – all alone. Around 12.00 p.m., my ex-PIBG Treasurer, Kak Pah came to help me calibrating and updating the ledger. Although the event officially ended at 2.00 p.m., we stayed back (including my PIBG secretary and my Coupons Committee) until 4.00 p.m. And this was the juicy part – THE BANK CLOSES ON SATURDAY. So, who is taking care of all the collection money? Of course, I have to do it!!! So, I brought home with me around RM13,000. Imagine carrying money that is not even yours?! I was feeling very ANGRY to the school’s administration for deliberately appointing me this task. Why me? Don’t tell me because I am pursuing PhD? Logically someone who is studying should be given less “critical designation” especially PhD which is very demanding level! But, the school don’t care. Why would they bother other oldies???

The ATV – Picture courtesy of Ustaz Harris.

Scared of holding such big money, I braved myself to go to the bank’s cash deposit machines at Rawang. Surrounded by suspicious people and crowded township, I only managed to bank-in RM300 of RM1. And it was so tricky because the machine didn’t accept the old and battered notes. People queuing up behind me were fussing and cursing because I took quite a long time solving the process. 

The archery. – Picture courtesy of Ustaz Harris.

Sunday, 1st September. I knew that I could not keep such big amount in my home. So after having breakfast at Rawang, I banked-in another RM9000 using bank’s cash deposit machines. Alhamdulillah, not that many people thronged Rawang on Sunday morning. And I felt a bit relieved that I’ve already banked-in a large amount of money.

The main stage on our elevated pavilion. – Picture courtesy of Ustaz Harris.

My work was still far from over. The Post-Carnival task beginning on Monday 2nd October was to collect the money from teachers (their profits, capitals, etc) and to do the same for the outsiders who opened stalls at our Carnival. Luckily my PIBG Secretary, Ustaz Harris suggested that the teachers would have to meet him first, stating the profits and amount of collection and then Kak Pah would transfer them into our ledger. By having that modus operandi as well as these two people, my burden was lessen and I am so grateful and touched by them because if I were to handle this alone, I would make it topsy-turvy as I wouldn’t know the correct way to handle this, no? So from 2nd October and until today, we have already finalized the ledger. There are still a few things to attend to; but what’s most important is that the major workloads are already completed. Alhamdulillah.

Since no one took my picture and I had been copping myself in the PIBG Room throughout the event, I took Selfie. Haha! The first one was the initial phase at 8.00 a.m. The right one was circa 11.00 a.m. (when the mind was already blurry and tired!).

My emotion is having rollercoaster ride for this entire 2 weeks. Partly was because I was angry and frustrated that despite knowing that I am furthering my study, they still want to appoint me as PIBG Treasurer for 3 years (I know, sucks, right?) ; and partly because accounting IS NOT MY FORTE like language or public speaking; and partly because of my colleagues insensitive remarks (they were happy that their works were already done; once they gave the profits to me, that was it!). I had used my school’s WhatsApps  to express what I felt and feel on 3 incidents :-

1. My disapproval for appointing me as PIBG Treasurer despite knowing that accounting is not my forte and I am furthering study;
2. A veiled colleague’s blatant/sharp remarks (you can veil your Aurat but you can’t veil your mouth?) – which she meant to be as a harsh joke – but turned out to be shot at wrong timing; and;
3. A senior colleague who defied my instruction this morning and when I told her with audible instructions for the umpteenth times, she went berserk and played victim to the others.

I have also learned that being nice and also being a Public’s Pleaser IS NOT suitable as a PIBG Treasurer, or in fact any main designation. I admit that I used to be a Public’s Pleaser – I build good rapport with the entire school community (morning and afternoon cliques) and I entertain the senior colleagues’ conservative remarks or statements (although they are bit lame, to be frank). I used to be so concern if my words were acidic (unless if they did the shits, first!) or hurtful to the others – sometimes to the extend of bending my ego although I am not the black goat. I now know why celebrities who started as naive and goody-two-shoes such as Taylor Swift and Beyonce become bitchy divas when they have the power – not because they are snobbish but because they have to shield themselves from other people’s manipulative schemes.

I was walking to the Coupon Stall (my rare emergence out of the PIBG Room) when I stumbled upon these boys, my ex pupils! Now already strapping young lads secondary schoolers – even taller than me! Hahah! Glad to see them growing up into fine lads. And I feel so old, and dwarved! Haha! My God, can’t believe that these were my pupils. I still have that vivid mental images when they were still young in my mind. Ahhh, time flies… 

Wolves will manipulate and toy you if you keep becoming Public’s Pleaser. And I am not going to be that anymore. I am tired of being the Public’s Pleaser; I am going to be the bold  and unapologetic person when it comes to responsibility. Friendships maybe severed, but I have to be that, even if it means I am disliked. Because it ensures the work to be delegated smoothly. I am the New Me. 

I don’t like your little games
Don’t like your tilted stage
The role you made me play
Of the fool, no, I don’t like you
I don’t like your perfect crime
How you laugh when you lie
You said the gun was mine
Isn’t cool, no, I don’t like you (Oh!)

But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time
Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time
I’ve got a list of names and yours is in red, underlined
I check it once, then I check it twice, oh!

Ooh, look what you made me do
Look what you made me do
Look what you just made me do
Look what you just made me
Ooh, look what you made me do
Look what you made me do
Look what you just made me do
Look what you just made me do

I don’t like your kingdom keys
They once belonged to me
You asked me for a place to sleep
Locked me out and threw a feast (What?)
The world moves on, another day, another drama, drama
But not for me, not for me, all I think about is karma
And then the world moves on, but one thing’s for sure
Maybe I got mine, but you’ll all get yours

But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time
Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time
I’ve got a list of names and yours is in red, underlined
I check it once, then I check it twice, oh!

Ooh, look what you made me do
Look what you made me do
Look what you just made me do
Look what you just made me
Ooh, look what you made me do
Look what you made me do
Look what you just made me do
Look what you just made me do

I don’t trust nobody and nobody trusts me
I’ll be the actress starring in your bad dreams
I don’t trust nobody and nobody trusts me
I’ll be the actress starring in your bad dreams
I don’t trust nobody and nobody trusts me
I’ll be the actress starring in your bad dreams
I don’t trust nobody and nobody trusts me
I’ll be the actress starring in your bad dreams

(Ooh, look what you made me do)
(Look what you made me do)
(Look what you just made me do)

“I’m sorry, the old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now.”

This song “Look What You Made Me Do” by Taylor Swift describes my experience. I am no more a Public’s Pleaser. I am now going and must be the unapologetic asshole. Sorry, the old Shahrill is dead.