FET #1 - transfer day

Note to readers:  The following is the second part to my update about my transfer.  You can find part one here.

I woke up Thursday morning in disbelief that our transfer day had arrived.  I packed my Valium and some comfortable clothes to change into afterwards and I kept thinking, "How will I possibly be able to focus on anything at work this morning?"  Thankfully, the morning flew by.  I had a one hour meeting just before I had to leave for my appointment; it was both a big help and a major hindrance in passing the time.  The meeting didn't require a lot of focus and concentration on my part, but I kept wishing people would not talk so much so it would end early.  And let me tell you, there were some long-winded people in that meeting.  I actually feared it would run long, causing me to be late for my appointment.  But fortunately, it ended about 10 minutes early.

After my meeting, I emailed DH to see if he was ready to go (he was), packed up my laptop so I could work from home while on bed rest, and met DH in the parking lot.  Of course the drive to our appointment could not go without some type of hiccup.  As we were leaving the parking lot, I realized I had not taken my Valium yet so I dug in my work bag for the bottle with the lone pill in it....and it wasn't there!  (Insert instant panic on my part.)  I frantically informed DH I couldn't find my Valium and we discussed that we didn't have time to go home to get it before our scheduled arrival time.  Thankfully, DH had his wits about him, which was more than I could say for myself, and recommended I call our RE's office to see if they could give me a Valium once we arrived.  While I made the call, DH pulled to the side of the road in case the clinic didn't have an extra Valium and we needed to turn around and go home to get my pill.

I told the front desk I had an urgent question for the nursing staff about my FET that was scheduled for that day - and they didn't make me leave a message!  Now I know how to get a real person to talk to me the first time I call.  ; )  I explained the situation to the nurse and she put me on hold to see if she could track down a Valium.  While I was on hold, my brain started functioning again and I realized I had another bag with me.  It was in the backseat and had my change of clothes in it.  I frantically dug through it, and behold!  I hadn't lost my mind after all!  My Valium was right there.  At that very moment, the nurse came back on the line and said they had an extra pill for me.  I apologized profusely and said I had just found my Valium in my other bag so I was good to go.

I hung up the phone, DH merged back into traffic, and I took my pill.  Whew!  Only 15 minutes late taking my Valium - that wasn't so bad.  Although, I think DH was a little worse for the wear - and probably rolled his eyes at me many times.  In my defense, he should be used to this by now.  I constantly think I've forgotten something when I really haven't - although, sometimes I really have.  ; )  And then I guzzled about 24 oz. of water so I would have the required full bladder for the transfer.

We arrived at our clinic about five minutes early and the front desk staff person informed us transfers were running a little behind schedule.  Um, what??  Enter thoughts of:  "Gah!  We could have turned around to get my Valium at home!"   Then, "Oh wait, I didn't actually forget it at home and I already took it.  Ha ha!  Silly me.  It's a big day, of course my mind is all over the place!  And I'm on drugs.  Don't judge me.  Wait, no one's judging me, I'm only thinking this and not saying it out loud."  And then we took our seats in the waiting room.

I checked Facebook on my phone and DH observed a woman pushing a stroller outside that was big enough to hold six kids but only had five in it.  He chatted to me about how the lady pushing the stroller must have been a patient at our clinic.  When they moved into my line of sight, I noticed it was one of those strollers that a lot of day care providers use for taking small children on outings.  I was pretty sure DH breathed a sigh of relief after that.

After about 15 minutes, a nurse called us back to our patient room.  She gave her short speech, then we changed into our hospital-issued attire:  scrubs for DH and the fabulous gown that opens in the back for me.  Oh, and a robe to help keep me warm, so the nurse said.  I also brought some fun knee high socks to wear this time.  They had alternating hot pink and black stripes.  I bought them at the 2010 Susan G. Komen 3-Day for the Cure.  So yes, they said "The 3-Day" on them and had pink ribbons.  I thought it was a nice way to have my mom with me on this big day.  Our nurse said she walked in one of the 3-Day events so we had a little bonding moment.

The RE who would be doing our transfer entered our room a few minutes later.  We had Dr. K again (he did our last fresh transfer also but is not our regular RE).  The REs at our clinic are on a rotating schedule so there's no guarantee that our RE will be the one to do any of our transfers.  Dr. K gave his speech, showed us our embryos, and answered our questions.  We were transferring two embryos, and after the morning's thaw, the first two survived.  Yay!  They were frozen as Level 2 blasts in July; one thawed as a Level 2 blast and the other thawed as a Level 3 blast.  Dr. K said the Level 3 was still a high enough quality embryo to transfer, it just didn't rehydrate quite as well as the other embryo and Level 3's produce viable pregnancies all the time.  I was worried about the Level 3 being strong enough but Dr. K's explanation made me feel (a little) better.

So here they are!  :D

As you can see, the top embryo (Level 2 blast) is more hydrated than the bottom embryo (Level 3 blast).

Just after Dr. K left the patient prep room, our nurse came back to walk us to the transfer room.  I situated myself in the stirrups, another nurse brought me a warm blanket, and the u/s tech checked my bladder right away.  I wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as I was for our fresh transfer but she still had me go to the restroom and empty two cups worth.

I dutifully did as I was told, walked back to the transfer room, and re-situated myself in the stirrups.  The u/s tech confirmed my bladder was good and then the party started.  DH held my hand as Dr. K talked us through each step of the process:  inserting the speculum, cleaning my cervix (which didn't hurt at all - I've read on other blogs that some women experience pain with this), performing the trial transfer (all was good), and then the real transfer.  The real transfer didn't go as smoothly as it did for my fresh transfer or for the mock transfer seconds earlier.  The catheter kept getting "stuck" and would not move far enough into my uterus.  Fortunately, it didn't hurt and after some expert maneuvering by Dr. K, it was in place and our embryos were deposited.  The u/s tech froze the image and printed off a photo for us.

The photo is a little blurry, but here it is!

Green arrow indicating the fluid-filled sac that contains our two embryos.

After the transfer, the medical staff left DH and I alone in the room for 10 minutes.  This was primarily so I didn't stand up too soon after the procedure, but I loved the alone time with my hubby after our first fresh cycle and I loved the alone time again after this frozen cycle.  It was just a great bonding moment for us both times.

The 10 minutes were up before I knew it.  I actually asked the nurse if it had really been 10 minutes already because it felt like it shouldn't have been over yet.  She confessed it had only been nine minutes but I didn't worry (too much) about that extra minute.  She walked us back to the recovery room where I relaxed for another 30 minutes on a bed with one of those "blankets" that are attached to a machine that pumps warm air into the blanket.  It was lovely.  I might have even dozed off for a few minutes while DH scheduled my blood draw appointment for my beta (October 8th at 9 am).

Soon enough, I said good-bye to the fancy hospital gown and robe and changed into my comfy lounge wear for the ride home.  The nurse suggested I watch a funny movie or something when I got home.  She said "that's what they say to do."  Whoever "they" is, I hope "they" are right.

DH had a meeting at 2:30 that afternoon so he had to go back to work after our appointment.  Our time at the clinic took longer than we remembered from the last time, so he was in jeopardy of being late for his meeting and drove like a mad man on the way home.  I relaxed as best I could, which wasn't too difficult since I was exhausted from staying up late the night before, and we made it home with just enough time for me to hit the couch while DH warmed up some spaghetti for me in the microwave.  We were both really hungry by then but DH didn't have time to eat before leaving for his meeting.  I appreciated so much that he took the time to make my lunch for me and risk being late for his meeting.  He is so wonderful to me.  <3

I watched a little TV (mostly 90s comedy sitcoms) and drifted in and out of sleep the rest of the afternoon, only getting up to use the restroom.  When DH returned home that evening, he relayed the story to me how his meeting didn't actually happen until 3:45.  Someone had a client issue to resolve (or something) that caused the meeting to be pushed back.  *Sigh*  We wouldn't have had to rush home after all and DH could have had a proper lunch.  Oh well, there was no way we could have known that in advance.

So now my 48 hours of bed rest are over and I'm obsessing about every cramp or potential symptom.  I didn't obsess last time; I don't know why I'm doing it this time other than that one word...hope.  I have so much more hope for this cycle.  I pray to God just about every minute of every day that our two embryos are growing strong and have implanted and that this is it for us!

Sorry for the long post, but I just had to get it all out.  If you stayed with me all the way to the end, thank you!  And if you prayed or are praying for us, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!  I believe so much in the power of prayer.

FET #1 - the day before

Note to readers:  I'm publishing this post in two parts so it doesn't get too long to read all at once.

I received the call from my RE's office with the plan for Thursday's FET while I was at work Wednesday morning.  I hadn't even been thinking about the phone call when I heard my cell phone vibrating.  I checked to see who it was and my heart skipped a beat.

I work in the basement of a five story office building so reception is not good.  My usual spot for taking private phone calls, a conference room near my desk, was occupied.  For some reason, I get good reception in this one particular conference room but I get nothing in the conference rooms to either side.  So I asked the embryologist to hold for a second and made a mad dash up four flights of stairs to go outside.  I apologized and gave her a brief explanation.  She said it wasn't a problem and proceeded to give me my instructions.

My appointment time was scheduled for noon on Thursday, September 27th.  I was to drink 24 - 32 oz of liquid from 10:45 - 11:15 am and take my Valium at 11 am.  My hubby and I were to arrive for our appointment by 11:30 am.   The embryologist also confirmed that we wanted to transfer two embryos.  I said that was correct.  She explained each embryo is stored in its own "straw" so they will start by thawing one embryo and wait to see if it survives the thaw before moving onto the next embryo.  If one or more embryos don't survive the thaw, they would make their way to the next embryo, and so on.  We had eight frozen embryos; I kept hoping and praying the first two survived and were super-hero strong.

The rest of my day seemed to fly by.  I had one last acupuncture appointment after work, which I wrote about in my last post, then I went home.  I planned to go to the gym after my acupuncture but by the time I got home from my appointment, I was too hungry.  So I had dinner, watched a little TV with DH, and waited and waited and waited for him to be done with the computer so I could update my blog.  By the time he was done, it was after 9 pm already.  So I ended up staying up late to get my post written and published.

I didn't sleep well that night; I think I was too excited and anxious for the next day.  I had also planned to work from home in the morning before our appointment but DH didn't bring his computer home Wednesday after work.  In order for us to ride together to and from our transfer, I had to go into work Thursday morning - we work in the same building so carpooling is easy.

Stay tuned for details about the big day - our frozen embryo TRANSFER DAY!  : )

leading up to the big day

Well, tomorrow is the big day.  I can't believe it's here...I would say "I can't believe it's here already," but it sure took long enough to get here - a whole month and a half from our last fresh cycle, which is equivalent to forever in the IF world.  To prepare, I started taking my PIO shots as prescribed and had acupuncture on Monday and again tonight after work.

I started my PIO shot Saturday night.  And it was a fun one!  Really, it was - I'm not being sarcastic.  My RE's office said I could take the shot any time, day or night, as long as it was taken at the same time every day.  So I decided evenings were best.  There was no way I was going to wake up any earlier in the morning than I had to in order to take a shot with a needle that size.  Talk about a rude awakening.

My hubby just happened to be visiting his parents one hour away the evening of my first shot.  And my girlfriend, CA, just happened to plan a girl's night out that same night.  So my two girlfriends and I were getting ready at my house for a night on the town when I broke it to them:  as I was gathering my drugs, I asked how they felt about needles.  Neither of my lady friends said they had any problems with needles so it was left to CA to give me my shot.  In my tushie.  And the one inch needle had to go all the way into my muscle.  I wish I could say that it didn't require a one inch needle to reach the muscle in my tushie but after gaining weight from the fertility treatments, I'm not surprised.  At least my doctor's office downsized me from the one and a half inch needle from my fresh cycle.

So I showed CA the goods (my butt), and she just went for it.  I'm quite certain I would not have been able to give her a shot in her tushie if our roles were reversed.  I admit it, I'm wimpy like that.  And she is one brave (and fabulous) friend!

I have to say I was pretty nervous for the shot.  Not that CA was giving it to me but that the needle was so huge!  It made my heart race just looking at it.  But now it's been a few days - one shot per day makes five shots already - and I'm used to the giant needle.  And I think my hubby is too.  I'm not so sure I should be happy about being used to a shot like that.

Unfortunately, one of the side effects from the PIO was unavoidable:  I do have the infamous "lumpy butt."  I've used a heating pad after the last four shots to try to avoid lumpy butt but it's still there.  I'm hoping the heating pad has at least lessened the severity of said lumpy butt.  Although, it's not like you can see that my tushie is lumpy just by looking at it.  It's more that it feels lumpy because it's like there is an area under my skin that feels firmer than the rest.  Hmmm...maybe I should spread out the injections so my entire rear end feels that way.  Then I can say I'm just very muscular from working out.  ; )

Anyway, onto my acupuncture appointments.  I took a break from acupuncture after my last failed cycle but I couldn't wait to get back into it this week.  I was so relaxed during my first appointment on Monday that I almost fell asleep. I was actually on the verge of sleep when a needle fell out of my head and crash landed by my ear. In my relaxed state, it made me jump. I also noticed that the regular pregnant nurse was out of the office. She must have had her baby. Her replacement was very friendly and very non-pregnant.

In addition to the pain points (on my hands) and the many fertility points (stomach, legs, feet, etc) that he always does, my chiropractor added several points for my allergies (on my face and head).  He did the allergy points because my RE's office recommended I not take any medication other than my prenatal vitamins and fertility meds that they prescribed.  So I've been in allergy misery.  Plus, the treatment is covered by insurance if it's for something other than fertility.  And I'm completely amazed at how well it's worked for my allergies!  I've been breathing so much better and sneezing a lot less since Monday.  Hopefully, I'll have great results with the fertility aspect as well.

My acupuncture appointment this evening wasn't quite as relaxing as it was on Monday.  For one, I'm super anxious, excited, and scared all at the same time for our transfer tomorrow.  And for two, the medical staff was having a very loud conversation in the hallway outside my patient room.  Oh well.  I didn't let it get to me (too much).

While chatting with my chiropractor during Monday's appointment, he said something that reminded me to ask about the kelp minerals that he recommended for me way back in July to help with fertility. If you recall from a previous post, I went to Whole Foods one evening to pick up some kelp minerals and as I was walking to the register to pay, I read the label. It said something about how it may contain cancer causing agents and may be harmful to the reproductive system. I promptly returned it to the shelf and walked out empty handed.

I mentioned the label warning to my chiro and he was very surprised. He said he takes kelp supplements himself and had not noticed anything on the label about that; he was going to go home and check the bottle he has. In the mean time, he recommended I take a multi-mineral instead. So I stopped at Whole Foods again tonight, read the label on the multi-mineral (it was clear of any scary warnings), and made my purchase. I also picked up some more flax seed (coarsely ground this time instead of whole) since I ran out of that last week.  I've come to really like it in my morning yogurt.

And now I'm going to publish this and go to bed; I'm completely worn out.  But not before asking for your prayers.  Please pray for us that we have strong embryos that survive tomorrow's thaw and that they thrive in their new home - me!

baseline u/s and blood draw #2 for FET #1

Friday was my second and last baseline and E2 check for this cycle.  The nurse measured the thickness of my uterus (9 mm - right on track) and checked to make sure my follicles were still quiet (they were).  My doctor's office never calls with my E2 results, which I'm thankful for - it's one less thing for me to worry about.  But they always remind me that they will call if my levels are off and I need a change in my protocol.  So no news is good news, and Friday was a no news day.

My blood draw was good again this time too; I barely felt a thing.  I normally rotate which arm the tech takes blood from but I was a little nervous about switching to the other arm today because it went so well in my other arm (right arm) last time.  I had irrational thoughts of "maybe the tech is better at drawing blood from my right arm and that's why it didn't hurt last time" and "maybe it had something to do with my arm; maybe my left arm can't handle the pain as well."  Like I said, completely irrational because, obviously, I've had blood drawn many times from both arms and it really hurt a lot in both arms - with this tech anyway.

I sucked it up and gave her my left arm.  It didn't hurt and I didn't gush blood!  Whew!  Then I was curious why, all of a sudden, after weeks of painful blood draws, the last two have been fine.  Before we started this cycle, I talked to our RE about how painful the blood draws have been for me and he said he'd say something at the next staff meeting.  He also suggested I try a topical numbing agent (which I haven't done).  So when this blood draw didn't hurt, I wondered if the tech used something to numb my arm herself.  I didn't ask because it wasn't that big of a deal to me - just as long as it doesn't hurt, I don't care how it's accomplished.

Before leaving my appointment, the nurse gave me my instructions for my meds for the next seven days.  Once per day, I am to take 1 cc of PIO at the same time every day (starting yesterday).  I will also start taking Doxycyclene twice per day at the same time every day (starting Monday).  By Monday, I will be up to four different pills (including my prenatal vitamin) and one shot per day.

My FET is scheduled for Thursday but I don't have an appointment time yet.  My RE's office will call with instructions for my FET on Wednesday.  The nurse did tell me I am to arrive at the clinic 30 minutes before my appointment, to take my Valium one hour before my appointment, and to drink about 24 oz of water one hour before my appointment.  I think I will go a little easier on the water this time since my bladder was uncomfortably full before my last fresh transfer.  Also, the nurse didn't mention it, but I assume I will be on bed rest again for 48 hours after my transfer.  I've made a mental note to ask about this if my RE's office doesn't bring it up before Thursday.

I am cautiously excited and optimistic for this cycle.  I'm almost afraid to write that statement for fear of jinxing myself but I feel much more calm and relaxed this time.  No matter what happens, I know God has a plan for me and is right here with me providing comfort and easing my anxieties.

FET #1 side effects...so far

Wow, where did the week go!  I can't believe it's been eight days since my last post.  There really hasn't been much happening with this FET cycle, especially in comparison with my last (fresh) cycle.  My next appointment with my RE is on Friday so until then, I'm still taking Lupron once a day, Estrace twice a day, and baby aspirin once a day (and of course prenatal vitamins once a day).

I'm down to 5 units of Lupron instead of 20 units, which makes the shot taking much easier and my stomach less bruised.  Also, I have not experienced as many hot flashes or as much constipation as I had with our fresh cycle (I know you love hearing about that!).  However, I have been moody...and I've been having, oh how to put this delicately for my readers who know me IRL, dryness in my lady parts.  Not.  Fun.  At.  All.  I imagine it's similar to what all women experience in menopause.  Actually, I know it's the same since I was forced into temporary menopause from my meds after my surgery for endometriosis.

But enough of that fun topic; back to my mood swings.  I feel crabby for no reason at all, and unfortunately, DH has been the receiver more than a few times.  Thankfully, he is the most calm and patient person I know so he hasn't let it affect him, at least not that I know of.  But my crabbiness from the fertility meds is nothing compared to the crabbiness I experience with PMS.  So maybe this is more like a break for DH.  ; )

I've also been really tired the past five days or so.  I fell asleep twice on the couch this week while watching TV with DH...actually three times if you count yesterday after my aunt's funeral and before dinner for my hubby's birthday.  This is very unusual for me.  I'm normally more active in the evenings after work with going to the gym or reading blogs or writing in my own blog or taking care of things around the house or getting together with my girlfriend CA, etc., etc.  And this has definitely not helped in the weight department.  I'm afraid to step on the scale and all of my pants are fitting much tighter than they used to; some of them I don't even wear anymore because of how poorly they fit now.  I'm hoping this side effect is only temporary, that is, unless I have a successful FET at the end of this month!  Then I will welcome the weight gain - well, as much as one can welcome weight gain!

So in a couple days, I will increase my Estrace to three times per day.  Then at my doctor appointment on Friday, I will find out my schedule for the Progesterone in Oil shots.  I've read a lot of good tips on other blogs about how to make this shot easier to take, like using a heating pad on my backside before and after the shot to help avoid what's known as "lumpy butt."  Can't wait for that!  Ok, maybe not.  And hopefully, the sleepiness and weight gain won't get worse as I increase my meds...

baseline u/s and blood draw #1 for FET #1, and a funny story at the end

I had my baseline u/s and blood draw this morning at 8:15 am.  I tried to get an earlier appointment but those slots were already filled.  Since I actually have a boss who doesn't micro manage and does use her brain, it wasn't a big deal that I came into work a bit later than usual.  She has been so supportive and understanding of my appointments (yes, I told my boss that my hubby and I are doing IVF but only because so many of my appointments are during normal work hours) that it's been a huge relief for me and one less thing that I have to worry about.

My u/s was normal.  The tech checked the thickness of my uterine wall and looked for any follicle growth; she reported her findings to the nurse in the room.  My ovaries were quiet and my uterus was measuring 3.5 (I'm not sure what the unit of measure is, mm maybe?).  As a reference for my lovely readers, my uterus reached a maximum thickness of 11 (mm?) for my fresh IVF cycle in July, so 3.5 is a good baseline for a frozen cycle.

After my u/s, I was sent to have my blood drawn.  Yay (not).  As you may recall, I've had a lot of trouble with the tech who draws my blood, or rather, stabs me to draw my blood.  Well, at our last consultation with our RE, I mentioned how much it hurts and how much my arm bleeds when the tech does my blood draw.  Our RE said he didn't have a good answer for that but would bring it up at their next staff meeting.  He must have gotten the point across because I barely felt a thing when the tech pricked my arm with the needle today.  I couldn't believe it!  Here I was bracing myself and preparing for the worst, and then nothing but a big sigh of relief!  I even told the tech she did a great job and that I barely felt a thing.  And there was no blood gushing from my arm afterwards either.  :D

The rest of my day was rather boring.  Work, work, went out for lunch with my coworkers to a rather fancy restaurant, then work some more.  But after work, I went home and found DH in the back yard digging up the tree stump from the tree he had just cut down (it was dying and dwarfed by another giant tree next to it).  I went outside to see him and debated about volunteering to help...eventually I caved and said I could shovel the dirt while he swung the ax.

I should have known this would end in disaster.  We found buried garbage under and around the tree stump - lots of rusty, crumbling tin cans, empty tubes of Vaseline, glass bottles, tin foil, and lots of other unidentifiable objects.  I'm guessing they had been buried there since our house was built in 1995, so most of it was pretty well decomposed.

I joked to DH that I was going to find a buried treasure under all that trash.  Then I saw it.  It looked like the opening to a glass bottle so I tried to gently dig around it so as to not break it.  I bent down to grab the bottle after I had removed enough soil to loosen it...and that's when it happened.  Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiipppppp!!  That's right.  I split my pants!  Not just a little, but a good 12 inches, at least!  And these were my "good / favorite" jeans!  They weren't even too tight for me; actually, they were a bit too big as I always had to wear a belt with them.  I think the fabric was just wearing out and getting thin, and I didn't realize it.  I'd had them about two years.

Casualty from volunteering to help DH remove a tree stump from our backyard.

DH was just returning from grabbing a tool in the house to aid in our tree removal when my jeans ripped.  He saw me laughing hysterically and grabbing my own butt (I was trying to assess the damage and cover up the goods - my tushie and my pink underwear).  And the first thing he said to me was "What did you do, split your pants?"  Still laughing, I said "Yep, that's exactly what I did!"

I turned around to show him the damage, and to add to the hilarity of the situation, I stuck my butt out to him as I turned.  He commented about how the male neighbors were getting a good show!  Ha ha!  I told him it was a sign that I was supposed to stop helping and go inside.  We were done removing the tree stump by then anyway.  The only things left were disposing of the trash we dug up, hauling away the stump, and filling in the hole where the stump had been.  But at least I found my buried treasure!  An old glass bottle fully in tact.  It was the only piece of trash we found that wasn't falling a part from severe rust.

So that was my Friday.  Not too bad if I do say so myself.  It could have been much worse if I hadn't been able to keep my sense of humor and laugh at my butt hanging out of my jeans for all to see!  And now I have an excuse to go shopping this weekend.

CD1 of FET #1

Well, it's day 8 of Lupron for our first FET cycle.  The last few days have been uneventful cycle-wise.  Until today.  Today is CD1 and it has been a shocker.  This is the first CD1 I've had without excruciating cramping pain radiating through my body, to my finger tips and the ends of my toes since I was probably a sophomore in high school.  That would be about 17 or 18 years ago.  This is the first CD1 I've had since high school where I haven't needed to take several OTC pills (or even prescription pain meds) to try to get a handle on the pain.  I actually haven't needed to take ANY pain pills at all today!  Woo hoo!

I almost don't know what to do with myself.  CD1 and no pain pills does not add up; it's like my whole world has been thrown off balance.  No heating pad, no laying on the couch for hours drifting in and out of sleep waiting for the pain to pass, no whining to my hubby or my sisters (or anyone else for that matter), no Ben & Jerry's chocolate ice cream (although I don't see any reason why I should have to skip that last part).  I wasn't even this pain free after my surgery for endometriosis.  Huh, this must be what a normal woman experiences on the first day of her period.  Interesting. I could get used to this.

All my life (well, not literally, although it feels that way), I've had the type of pain with my period that has caused me to change how I live my life.  I've gotten used to scheduling vacations around my cycle (or just staying home if plans can't be changed), planning outings that include easy access to restrooms, and packing an unusually large number of pads to take with me any time I'm away from home (because there is no way I can use tampons with the amount of pain I'm in).  I've probably made a ton of other changes to accommodate my cycle but I've been doing them so long they are just a part of my life now and I don't even notice the changes anymore.

Occasionally, when I've told a friend or family member that I can't participate in this or that because of my cramps, I have gotten the "are you serious" or "yeah right" or "I don't believe you" look.  No one has ever actually said any of that to me (well, maybe once) but I can see it all over their faces.  (And if you are my friend / family in real life and you are reading this, no, this is not directed at you.  I have not shared this blog with anyone IRL who has given me these looks.  Unless you have given me these looks and I didn't realize it.  Then yes, this is directed at you...J/K.)  I always feel really awful when I have to tell someone I can't do this or that because of my cramps.  I feel like it's a lame excuse and I hate that I have to say it at all.  I just want my body to be normal!

So now I'm wondering what has caused the lack of pain this month, and will it happen again during my next period (which hopefully won't be for at least 9 - 10 months).  Without consulting Dr. Google, my best guess is the daily shot of Lupron, which is supposed to prevent ovulation this month, has toned down my jazzy uterus.  Hmm...how can I get my hands on some Lupron after all this crazy TTC stuff is done?  ;)

Ha ha!  Done with TTC?  Is that even possible?  It seems I will be on this road forever.  Like my own personal purgatory here on earth.