Craziness

 Life just doesn't slow down.  Last night we had Keira's 9th grade graduation from Hawthorne.  She was so cute.  But poor little thing has been sick and has pink eye.  She was so self conscious as she met Johnny's mom for the first time.  But she handled it so smoothly.  We then went to dinner with Nick's parents.  My heart aches for his dad.  You can tell that he is in pain, but he always bares it with a smile.  And the kids are so good to their grandparents.  They love them so much.  I look forward to our weekend at the cabin with the family.  Those times are becoming so precious as we don't know how much longer they will be able to go.

Calli is doing well.  I often worry about the triggers in her life.  She has such a hopeful demeanor in her but is having to relive some of her past trauma as she helps her friend navigate through her own experiences.  I pray pray pray that she can come through unscathed.

Livvy is still working at the daycare, for about 5 months now.  This is a huge accomplishment for her.  I hope that she continues working as it truly empowers her.

Chase.  My sweet boy.  On mothers day, he brought me flowers and hershey kisses.  And then he made me lunch and after dinner, rubbed my feet.  TWICE!  Little Keira bought me a puzzle piece depicting a family of bears clinging to one another.  I wonder if she realizes the necessity for all of us to hold tight to each other as we're all we've got.  Calli got me a blanket.  I LOVE blankets.  She knows that they are a way to my heart.  And livvy was so sweet.  She got me a silk pillow cover and eye mask.  It made me laugh as i had just looked at the benefits to using a silk pillow case.

My kids are truly amazing.  We connect so differently.  But i have a huge lover for volleyball, basketball, calli's friends, and livvy's humor.  I love to make her laugh.

My Return!

 I can't even start to encompass what the last 12 years have been like.  Fast is all that comes to mind.  But i have decided to blog for myself.  No one looks at this anyway.  But i have done such a disservice to my children by not journaling, that this is my attempt to be better, as i am always in front of a computer.

I learned last night that my cousin, unfortunately, took his own life.  He was 37.  It makes me so sad that that was the only result he felt he had to come to.  His only option.  But i never thought i would be in a position to somewhat understand.  Having had these feelings once before, i am so glad that i never acted on my thoughts.  And my sweet calli.  Having similar feelings.  I don't know what i would do without my children.  My heart goes out to my aunt and uncle.

So, we have now lost all of the 4 kittens that were left in our yard 2 weeks ago.  We did everything we could to keep them alive.  But i believe this was always in store.  I just feel for nick who had to deal with it.  But now no more suffering.  Nick and i thought that maybe they have been suffering the whole time.  Maybe the momma cat knew this.  That's why she abandoned them.  We were just prolonging the inevitable.  

Keira has her spring showcase this week for cheer.  Bama and Bampa are here visiting for the event.  I can't wait to see all of her hard work for the past year be showcased.  She is amazing.  All of my children are amazing.  Turds they are, but amazing.  My love for them is so profound. 

My hope is to write in my blog every few days.  I want my children to know of their past.  I want them to know me in all my phases of life.  I promise not to let this go for another 12 years.

The Keira Show

So Keira begged me to take some photos of her the other day and this was the result.  She loves showing off for the camera and she is pretty photogenic.  She is such a sweetie and I wish should could stay 3 forever.  Not really but she sure is a hoot to have around.