If there could were such a thing as virtual dust, it would measure roughly two years thick on this sadly outdated blog. I love to write, and even more than that I love to go back and read about our family... So why did I stop blogging? It happened very abruptly (obviously, I was in the midst of a countdown for crying out loud!) and I remember exactly what was the final proverbial straw that broke this mom-bloggers back. But, as with most sudden changes, my blogging days began to decline in the Spring of 2012 when we first moved away from all of our amazing friends (who were really family) in Charlotte, North Carolina and landed here, in Des Moines, Iowa.
I was third trimester pregnant with Eva, moving into what seemed like a different country, excited, anxious, exhausted, and overwhelmed. Justin and I very quickly realized just how much we had underestimated the heartache that would come with leaving the land and the people we had called home for seven years. How do you replace friends with whom you shared having your first children with? Friends you became mom's with and navigated those first awkward early years of parenting with? I came here determined to instantly make a great many new friends (and I have made some, albeit not instantly), but I had been sorely naive.
After just a few weeks away from the land we had called home, a heartbreaking and very humbling realization hit me: I had taken our friends and ward family for granted. How blind had I been?! I was able to make some very kind acquaintances and began new seedling-friendships, but you simply cannot account for those shared and even sacred friendships that had taken years to grow. I discovered that friendships are like trees - starting with a seed, which then sprout and grow into tiny saplings, uncertain and fragile. But then through consistent nurturing combined with the slow and steady passage of time and shared experiences, they can grow into a strong, steady, and beautiful forest. And while the trees in this forest are as diverse as they are beautiful, underneath the surface they have roots that are forever entwined, offering support and helping each other stand when mighty storms blow in. One cannot simply grow a forest in a few months, no matter how hard they try.
I suppose I can write more on that later... But to make it short for the point I'm trying to make - moving was hard. Much harder than I anticipated. Moving, in fact, sucked.
I was determined to "bloom where I was planted", though and did everything I could (again, more on that later... Maybe.) - but I could still feel myself losing interest in many of the things I had once found great joy in: crafting, sewing, baking, reading, blogging, exercising... I was slowly falling into depression. It was very gradual - and we still had many happy events and wonderful experiences, but my overall spirit seemed to be very s l o w l y dimming. Then came the holidays - and I was excited at our plan to bring joy to others through random acts of kindness - because I have a firm testimony that bringing joy to others has the reciprocal effect of bringing joy unto yourself. Service is truly Jesus's best example. (I could write a whole blog post about that, too.) I remember thinking it would be a great opportunity to muster up the energy again to really TRY to love it here - to really TRY to just love the people, the culture, even the cold weather!
However, as unrelated as it may be, the Sandy Hook school shooting changed everything. I am admittedly a very sensitive person when it comes to emotionally handling news that concerns children being hurt - which is why I very rarely, if ever watch the news. But that morning I was watching the Today show while folding laundry and the news was breaking. I was literally brought to my knees as I saw the reports... I had a child their age and in their same grade... It could have been him - and imagining the horror and fear that those children experienced brings me to tears even now as I write this. That was the tipping point... For a week or more - all I could think about was that awful tragedy. It consumed me and just broke my already fragile spirit. After that I just couldn't bring myself to blog anymore. It wasn't a conscious choice, I just...stopped. We did finish up most of our Random Acts of Kindness and had a nice Christmas. And as time went on I meant to blog again, but just never found the motivation. Instead, I started doing more updates on Facebook - it was easier than writing a whole blog post - and people read FB more, anyway so our families could see updates there. I can even have a hardcover book made from those status updates and photos - which is awesome, BUT...
But what I miss is the journaling aspect of blogging! So my New Year's Resolution is to start journaling more and face-booking less. I still intend to post there, too - but I just don't need to be on there as much as I have been.
I want to add that over time I have made a few very wonderful friends here. Friends that I hope (know!), with time and experience, will be connected to my forest's root system - no matter where we end up. And we have had some very wonderful times here in Iowa. We even added another baby (which I will DEFINITELY be writing about!)! Life in general has continued on with it's ups and downs, and for a few months now I have really started to feel like this is somewhere we could call "home" if this is where we are meant to end up. But that feeling has taken almost three years to achieve - and it is still a work in progress for sure.
Here's to a more productive 2015 - from a journaling standpoint as well as with everything else of importance!
Sunday, January 18, 2015
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Evangline Carolyn: One Year Old!
Dear Eva,
You've made it! You've officially become a year old as of today and there are not words to express how amazing it has been to watch you grow over the past twelve months. From the very beginning you have been such a snuggly mama's girl. Until recently you've preferred to be held so you could perch on my hip and look around at your surroundings. Now you are becoming much more adventurous and prefer to be down crawling and cruising your way around the house. Every room has something to explore, but you still eventually come back - if only for a reassuring look from Mommy.
At 12 months you have four teeth already! They all came in within a few days of each other when your were around 10 months old (just after Easter). There are four more that look like they'll be following soon - and your little toothy smile is just so adorable! Especially with the growing chubbiness of your cheeks. :) You cannot walk yet, but you can certainly crawl and pull yourself up to anything. You are currently weighing in at 17 lbs. 9 oz. and are 27 inches long. Your head is 17.5 inches (38%) in circumference - which makes you the smallest headed Wilde child so far, lol!
You love animals! You love when Bumblebee comes in for a sneaky visit (he's supposed to be an outdoor kitty because Daddy is allergic) and you chuckle your funny growl laugh whenever you see the guinea pigs. You also get very excited to see dogs when we're on our walks and it's so cute when you get worked up!
Some of your favorite foods are bananas, cheerios, anything we're eating (chopped up, of course), and sweets! During one of the few occasions so far where we've given you a few bites of ice cream you were downright angry (an emotion we don't often see from you) when we took too long with the spoon!
Around 9 months you began waving and saying, "Hiiiii!" And it's so sweet when you do that to people I stop to talk to whether they be friends from church or random grocery store clerks. You are also saying, "Mama, " and, "Dada," along with a bunch of other gibberish that you speak with such conviction I am sure at least you know what you're saying! :) Just recently you've started to become a little more demanding and dare I say, a tiny diva?
Baby Eva, your brothers and sister all adore you - especially Norah who is such a wonderful little assistant mommy! Without fail she asks to get you up every morning - which means she goes into your room and plays with you until I go in to pick you up. She also tells me when you're sad (as if I couldn't already tell) or when you need a new diaper (again - I'm usually on top of those things. She just likes to micromanage me :). Jack and Eddie love to baby you and make you laugh. In fact, Eddie has declared himself the best in the family at making you laugh! Even Beckett, who seems standoffish much of the time, will occasionally entertain you by playing peek-a-boo and making you belly laugh.
We all love you so very much, little May Flower! I am so happy to be your Mommy and our family is so blessed to have you in it! Thank you for being such a great joy to our lives... We can't wait to see what this next year will bring as you continue to grow and reach new milestones. Just try not to grow too quickly! :)
Love,
Mommy, Daddy, Jackson, Eddison, Eleanor, and Beckett
You've made it! You've officially become a year old as of today and there are not words to express how amazing it has been to watch you grow over the past twelve months. From the very beginning you have been such a snuggly mama's girl. Until recently you've preferred to be held so you could perch on my hip and look around at your surroundings. Now you are becoming much more adventurous and prefer to be down crawling and cruising your way around the house. Every room has something to explore, but you still eventually come back - if only for a reassuring look from Mommy.
At 12 months you have four teeth already! They all came in within a few days of each other when your were around 10 months old (just after Easter). There are four more that look like they'll be following soon - and your little toothy smile is just so adorable! Especially with the growing chubbiness of your cheeks. :) You cannot walk yet, but you can certainly crawl and pull yourself up to anything. You are currently weighing in at 17 lbs. 9 oz. and are 27 inches long. Your head is 17.5 inches (38%) in circumference - which makes you the smallest headed Wilde child so far, lol!
You love animals! You love when Bumblebee comes in for a sneaky visit (he's supposed to be an outdoor kitty because Daddy is allergic) and you chuckle your funny growl laugh whenever you see the guinea pigs. You also get very excited to see dogs when we're on our walks and it's so cute when you get worked up!
Some of your favorite foods are bananas, cheerios, anything we're eating (chopped up, of course), and sweets! During one of the few occasions so far where we've given you a few bites of ice cream you were downright angry (an emotion we don't often see from you) when we took too long with the spoon!
Around 9 months you began waving and saying, "Hiiiii!" And it's so sweet when you do that to people I stop to talk to whether they be friends from church or random grocery store clerks. You are also saying, "Mama, " and, "Dada," along with a bunch of other gibberish that you speak with such conviction I am sure at least you know what you're saying! :) Just recently you've started to become a little more demanding and dare I say, a tiny diva?
Baby Eva, your brothers and sister all adore you - especially Norah who is such a wonderful little assistant mommy! Without fail she asks to get you up every morning - which means she goes into your room and plays with you until I go in to pick you up. She also tells me when you're sad (as if I couldn't already tell) or when you need a new diaper (again - I'm usually on top of those things. She just likes to micromanage me :). Jack and Eddie love to baby you and make you laugh. In fact, Eddie has declared himself the best in the family at making you laugh! Even Beckett, who seems standoffish much of the time, will occasionally entertain you by playing peek-a-boo and making you belly laugh.
We all love you so very much, little May Flower! I am so happy to be your Mommy and our family is so blessed to have you in it! Thank you for being such a great joy to our lives... We can't wait to see what this next year will bring as you continue to grow and reach new milestones. Just try not to grow too quickly! :)
Love,
Mommy, Daddy, Jackson, Eddison, Eleanor, and Beckett
Thursday, December 13, 2012
12 Days of Christmas Kindness Countdown: Day 1
We did it! Justin got home tonight (I didn't think he'd be home until sometime tomorrow) so we were able to load up the kiddos and go perform our first Christmas Kindness. . . Christmas Jars! It was so fun (and funny)!
The idea behind the Christmas Jar is from a book called 'Christmas Jars' that was given to us by Justin's parents a few years ago. It is feel-good Christmas story about the tradition of filling up jars with your loose change throughout the year and then delivering them anonymously to someone's doorstep sometime during the Christmas season. It's a wonderful tradition!
This year we were blessed to have been able to fill two jars (mostly with pennies) which we debated splitting between two recipients. But then we decided since there wasn't a fortune in either jar it would be best if we just kept them together (for a total of a little over $75). So we drove to the recipients house (after it was already completely dark out) and spent at least twenty minutes casing their neighborhood. We must have passed by their house about fifty times working up the nerve to finally stop and just "make the drop." Justin and I were joking the whole time about needing to be better at being criminals. :) I tried to reassure him that I had once watched a Dr. Phil about the characteristics of great criminal minds so I could successfully make the delivery without being caught. ;) (Besides, he did the ditching last year so it was technically my turn.)
Finally, I had Justin stop the car and then I let Jack come with me to sneak up to the door with the jars and leave them on the doorstep. Then we ran back to the van and Justin was about to drive away when I realized I probably should have knocked before we ran back so they would find the jars before morning. So we debated for a few minutes about who should be the one to run back, knock, and then run like the wind back to the car. The whole time Jackson was emphatically declaring that he wanted to do it and he could run faster than anyone. So I finally said, okay Jack, you run and knock and then run back really quickly. Justin was laughing and had doubts because Jack is such a nice/chatty kid that he was afraid he'd get caught and then 1. They would know it was us. 2. Jack would stand there chatting for an hour. It was so funny!
Finally, after Justin and I coached Jack for a minute ("Just run really fast there, knock like this (knock, knock, knock) and then run as fast as you can back to the van. Don't turn around! Just run!") on how to ding-dong ditch someone, Jack was off! I was loudly whispering out of the window, "Hurry! Okay, good job! Come on!" And we heard Eddie from the backseat say, "I can't watch this." LOL!!! Jackson ran, knocked and then came back and dove in the van in a flash. As soon as he was in Justin was tearing off down the street with the automatic sliding door still closing. It was awesome and Jack did a phenomenal job. :)
I am so glad we had Jack play such a big part in it (first coming with me and then going back alone to knock) because he's never had that chance before. I know it meant that much more to him to really be involved and I hope he will remember the feelings of excitement and happiness that flooded the car throughout our journey this evening. This was definitely a fantastic start to our 12 Days of Christmas Kindness Countdown! :)
The idea behind the Christmas Jar is from a book called 'Christmas Jars' that was given to us by Justin's parents a few years ago. It is feel-good Christmas story about the tradition of filling up jars with your loose change throughout the year and then delivering them anonymously to someone's doorstep sometime during the Christmas season. It's a wonderful tradition!
This year we were blessed to have been able to fill two jars (mostly with pennies) which we debated splitting between two recipients. But then we decided since there wasn't a fortune in either jar it would be best if we just kept them together (for a total of a little over $75). So we drove to the recipients house (after it was already completely dark out) and spent at least twenty minutes casing their neighborhood. We must have passed by their house about fifty times working up the nerve to finally stop and just "make the drop." Justin and I were joking the whole time about needing to be better at being criminals. :) I tried to reassure him that I had once watched a Dr. Phil about the characteristics of great criminal minds so I could successfully make the delivery without being caught. ;) (Besides, he did the ditching last year so it was technically my turn.)
Finally, I had Justin stop the car and then I let Jack come with me to sneak up to the door with the jars and leave them on the doorstep. Then we ran back to the van and Justin was about to drive away when I realized I probably should have knocked before we ran back so they would find the jars before morning. So we debated for a few minutes about who should be the one to run back, knock, and then run like the wind back to the car. The whole time Jackson was emphatically declaring that he wanted to do it and he could run faster than anyone. So I finally said, okay Jack, you run and knock and then run back really quickly. Justin was laughing and had doubts because Jack is such a nice/chatty kid that he was afraid he'd get caught and then 1. They would know it was us. 2. Jack would stand there chatting for an hour. It was so funny!
Finally, after Justin and I coached Jack for a minute ("Just run really fast there, knock like this (knock, knock, knock) and then run as fast as you can back to the van. Don't turn around! Just run!") on how to ding-dong ditch someone, Jack was off! I was loudly whispering out of the window, "Hurry! Okay, good job! Come on!" And we heard Eddie from the backseat say, "I can't watch this." LOL!!! Jackson ran, knocked and then came back and dove in the van in a flash. As soon as he was in Justin was tearing off down the street with the automatic sliding door still closing. It was awesome and Jack did a phenomenal job. :)
I am so glad we had Jack play such a big part in it (first coming with me and then going back alone to knock) because he's never had that chance before. I know it meant that much more to him to really be involved and I hope he will remember the feelings of excitement and happiness that flooded the car throughout our journey this evening. This was definitely a fantastic start to our 12 Days of Christmas Kindness Countdown! :)
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| The only thing written on the back of the card was, "Please accept our Christmas Jars and know that you are loved. Merry Christmas!" |
Friday, December 07, 2012
1st Annual Wilde 12 Days of Christmas Kindness Countdown 2012!
This year we were a bit disappointed to learn that there were no families in our ward who are in need of a "Secret Santa" - Wilde family style (or if there are, they've already been "claimed" by other families). I suppose that's really a great thing, but then we were left to decide how and what to do for our Christmas Service project tradition. Because my sisters and mom and I were blessed several times at various times in my childhood by anonymous families who generously gave money, coats, and once even a car (!), having the opportunity to now "give back" is a tradition that is extremely important to me. It is a tradition that my mom - and by extension my sisters and I - were always eager to participate in once we were able to have a bit of extra to share. I don't remember 99% of the gifts I got each Christmas, but I can remember as clear as day the wonderful feelings of joy (what I now know was the Holy Spirit), love and the confirmation of the true meaning of Christmas each time we were able to help another family in need. And those are the feelings that I want more than anything for my own children to experience.
In my search for a service project I was recently (as in this afternoon) inspired on Pinterest. :) There was a pin about a woman who does a 'random act of kindness' advent with her family beginning on December 1st. Since it's already December 7th - I decided we could still have quite a bit of fun doing just the 12 Days of Christmas as well as putting our own spin on her idea. And thus 2012 will mark our first annual Wilde Family 12 Days of Christmas Kindness Countdown! I can't even begin to express how excited I am about this! :) Instead of one fun act of service to help a family in need - we will all enjoy 12 days of bringing joy to others. The true meaning and spirit of Christmas!
As Justin's parents have asked for the past few years that all of their children use any money that would have gone to purchasing them a gift be used instead for service, we have been able to do even more than we had in years past. This is such a blessing! All they ask is that we share our experience(s) with them... And so I thought the best way to do that this year would be by blogging about it! :) So Mom and Dad, stay tuned for our first Christmas Kindness - beginning December 13th and ending on Christmas day.
P.S. Holy cannoli am I way behind on blogging! I think I have at least 15 blog posts started, but not yet published because I need to go back and finish typing/uploading photos. Who would have guessed that having five kids would be so, well, busy? :)
In my search for a service project I was recently (as in this afternoon) inspired on Pinterest. :) There was a pin about a woman who does a 'random act of kindness' advent with her family beginning on December 1st. Since it's already December 7th - I decided we could still have quite a bit of fun doing just the 12 Days of Christmas as well as putting our own spin on her idea. And thus 2012 will mark our first annual Wilde Family 12 Days of Christmas Kindness Countdown! I can't even begin to express how excited I am about this! :) Instead of one fun act of service to help a family in need - we will all enjoy 12 days of bringing joy to others. The true meaning and spirit of Christmas!
As Justin's parents have asked for the past few years that all of their children use any money that would have gone to purchasing them a gift be used instead for service, we have been able to do even more than we had in years past. This is such a blessing! All they ask is that we share our experience(s) with them... And so I thought the best way to do that this year would be by blogging about it! :) So Mom and Dad, stay tuned for our first Christmas Kindness - beginning December 13th and ending on Christmas day.
P.S. Holy cannoli am I way behind on blogging! I think I have at least 15 blog posts started, but not yet published because I need to go back and finish typing/uploading photos. Who would have guessed that having five kids would be so, well, busy? :)
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Happy 7th, Jack!
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| Jackson Paul Wilde on his 7th birthday! |
Dear Jackson,
I can hardly believe you're SEVEN years old! Where has the past seven years gone? I still remember bringing you home from the hospital as a tiny little baby - my first - and being so completely overwhelmed with love that I could hardly keep myself from crying happy tears every time you made a noise or stretched your little newborn arms. Now you are very much turning into a little man and yet that sweet innocence remains in most of the choices you make, things you say and how you act. You are still my number one biggest helper around the house! And your love for your siblings (especially Eva!) is so evident. You are absolutely wonderful with babies and I know that someday in the (distant) future you are going to be an amazing father.
Now that your seven you have begun to be a little shy of certain things - not liking to be the center of attention (at first). However, once you're comfortable you have no problem letting loose! :) As far as simply talking to people you have no hesitation whatsoever - you'll chat up the cashier at Costco for ten minutes (while other customers are waiting!). It's just things like dancing or dressing crazy for "crazy dress up day" at school that you get a little shy about. For example - on "crazy day" during homecoming week you didn't want to dress crazy because, "It nervouses me." So I sent Eddie to school with his shirt on backward and inside out, hair crazy, etc. (He was ALL over crazy day!) and you were dressed normally. But when you got off the bus that afternoon you had changed your clothes to be inside out. You just wanted to be sure the other kids in you class were dressed crazy, too.
Here are your current favorites (as answered by you):
Food: Raviolis, spaghetti and meatballs with sauce, shrimp, steak, and ham.
Dessert: "Ice cream in a cone. Vanilla."
Movie: "Transformers."
TV Show: "Sonic." (the Hedgehog.)
Hobby: "Collect stuff. I have a dead bird in a bag and a bee in a bottle."
Book: "I don't have a favorite book, Mom."
Song: "Call me maybe" (Carly Rae Jepson) ... Really? And, "I'm glad you came" - by The Wanted.
Jackson LOVES money. It's something that he's been fascinated with for a few years now and it just cracks me up! He's saving to buy a skyscraper. Or something else, "Really big." He also still loves to be outside. If Justin and I would let him live outside, he would. He loves everything about nature - finding leaves, rocks, fossils, etc. He is also still enthralled with science. He has a human anatomy book that I bought him last year that he loves to look through and ask questions about. I'm not sure how much he actually understands, but he loves it anyway. I think his perfect job would be something along the lines of wildlife biologist (who gets paid a lot, lol).
Seven was also a big year as he started/finished Kindergarten this year. He's now reading and writing so much better and LOVES school. It was a little difficult for him to switch schools with only several weeks left, but he did it like a champ and his teacher (Miss Lassen) was fabulous.
Jack, I hope you will continue to be a friend to everyone as you are now. You have such a fun and sunny personality that I just cherish in you! You are kind hearted, active, smart, funny, loving, responsible and just the best first kid we could have ever hoped for! I hope this next year is full of new wonders for you... And that you'll always remember no matter what just how much we love you - and how much Heavenly Father loves you, too!
Love,
Mommy and Daddy
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| Norah at the splash park where we went to have fun on Jack's true birthday. |
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| Eddie-O taking a rest at the park. |
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| There's my silly boy! |
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| Beckett has the snacks cornered. Yep - he's a tank. |
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| Jackson's Birthday party! It rained a bit, but it was perfect since the kids were getting wet anyway! :) It was a "water fun" themed party (to beat the Iowa summer from 'h e double hockey sticks' weather). |
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| First event: Water ballon shot-put! Our guests were: Jens, Ian, Jack B., Taylor, and Tyler. Lots of boys! |
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| Norah threw with the best of them! :) She's right at home in a big group of crazy boys. I suppose that should make me nervous... Note to self: Buy shotgun and shovel before she turns 15. |
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| The birthday boy! :) |
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| Daddy went a little overboard and filled some regular sized balloons... He's really just a big kid, right? :) |
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| And then of course all of the kids wanted the big balloon version. Naturally, they wanted to see how big the splash would be once they were launched off of the deck. |
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| Pinata time! :) Little did we know we bought a pinata of steel. We began by telling each kid to take just one swing so every one would have a chance before it busted open. |
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| We did "littlest first" to ensure the big boys wouldn't break it before the little guys had a chance. |
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| Eddison taking a whack at it. |
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| Here's Jack at bat (as you can see the pinata is still in pristine condition). |
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| Three rounds (including Justin!) later, Justin finally had to tear a hole in the cardboard to set it up for the winning hit. It was thick cardboard! There was no way it would have broken on its own. Still - the end result was a ton of candy strewn all over the floor so I guess it wasn't a total fail. :) |
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| I snapped this photo of Eddie to remind me that just a minute before he was giving handfuls of his candy to Norah to be nice, even though no one had asked him to and he didn't know I was watching. It was so sweet! |
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| Cake time! This year Jack's cake was a wally-world special (I still have a newborn!), but the kids didn't seem to mind at all. :) Sugar is sugar, right? |
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| The birthday boy after blowing out his SEVEN candles. I love that kid. |
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| And how about this motley kid? He was completely content to eat his cake and ice cream (and everyone else's). He's going to be a tank. :) |
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| "MMMmmm...Cake.... Nom nom nom..." |
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| After the kids all went home, we took our little crew to the movies (Eva's first!) to see Disney's Brave. It was so cute and Eva did great. (She's so tiny!) |
Thursday, August 02, 2012
Grandpa Hilsinger's Visit
At the end of April my dad came to visit and since we hadn't seen him since Norah was just a few months old, we were all very excited to have him here! He was so great with all of the kids and it just made us that much more sorry that we don't get to seem him more often. Hopefully that will change now that we're a little closer than we were in NC. :)
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| Beckett almost immediately became Grandpa's best little buddy. He had never met Grandpa before, but they seemed to know each other right off the bat and Beckett even learned the word "Bampa" while he was here. |
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| Grandpa and Beckett at the park - taking a ride on the... frog? |
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| Grandpa's got his feeties! |
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| Dad gave us this beautiful bear for our new house. The picture just doesn't do it justice. I hope our kids inherit some of his artistic talent! |
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| Beckett's favorite seat for the three weeks Grandpa was here. |
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| My dad was so patient with the kiddos! He spent each day playing outside, doing puzzles, wrestling, tickling, and otherwise just having a great time with them. I loved watching them get to know their Grandpa better! |
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| Where's Beckett? :) |
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| Saying goodbye. It was so sad when Grandpa had to leave and it was even more unfortunate that he missed meeting baby Eva by just three days! But now he has yet another reason to come back to visit soon! Beckett was so sad when my dad left - he spent the following week asking for "Bampa" every time he woke up and would even go down-downstairs first thing to see if he was there. It was so adorable and heartbreaking at the same time! |
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| Best buddies. |
Kindergarten: Completed!
The last week of school was full of activities for the whole family! And we were lucky to still have Grandpa here to take part in the end of school festivities. :) Here's a wrap up of Jack's final week in Kindergarten:
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| Jack's final choir performance... Can you see him? :) |
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| Here he is delivering a flawless introduction to the next song, Little Bunny Foo-Foo. |
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| Playing the xylophone with such concentration! |
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| Wonderful! He did great and it was so fun to attend our first school program! :) (He missed his performance in NC because we moved.) |
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| Family BBQ Day at school! Eddie, Norah, Beckett and me met Jack for a BBQ lunch - an traditional last week activity at Beaver Creek. |
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| The kiddos enjoying their lunch. :) |
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| My Kindergardener no longer... He's grown so much in the past year! |
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| Last day of school! We all got to come to an open house to see everything he'd been working on as well as say goodbye to his buddies and his teacher. |
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| One of the fun art projects he got to show off to us and Grandpa. Quite good, in my opinion! |
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| Jackson and his lovely teacher, Miss Lassen. She was a perfect teacher for him and we're hoping Eddie has her next year! |
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| So proud of my Kindergarten graduate! |
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Evangeline's Birth Story: Unedited
*Disclaimer: As usual - this post will contain the details as I remember them... And sometimes those details 'ain't pretty (after all - this is birth, not rainbows and unicorns ;). Read at your own risk!
On Monday, May 21st I was on a mission to clean and organize the house. It was Jack's first day of summer vacation and my dad had just left after a wonderful 2.5 week visit. By 4:00 pm I was almost done putting the last load of laundry and had done everything except vacuum and mop (two chores that Justin had taken over since it hurt my back and caused contractions whenever I attempted them). As I was putting the towels away in our master bathroom I felt a trickle that caused me to stop in mid-step. Immediately I realized the trickle was more like a steady stream and there was no mistaking that my water had broken - even though there wasn't a huge gush like I'd experienced when my water had spontaneously broken with Jack and Beckett. I calmly changed my pants and then called Justin and said, "I think you should think about coming home." His only reply was, "Okay." So then I said, "Do you want to know why?!" I was shocked that he'd been so quick to agree when he didn't even know what was going on. Typically, someone needs to be bleeding profusely or dead for him to come home early. He then said something like, "Well yeah, how are you feeling?" And I informed him that my water had broken. Cool as a cucumber he said he was on his way. About two minutes later I called him and told him that I felt fine and to please not speed home simply because he had a great excuse. ;) For some reason I was paranoid he would get into an accident or get pulled over (although I would bet money that he ended up speeding anyway).
After calling Justin I called his cousin Brianne who had graciously volunteered to be on kid-watch duty whenever our big moment had arrived. Luckily, she was nearby running errands and was able to be at our house within twenty minutes. Justin got home almost immediately after she arrived and then he and I were on our way after kissing the kids goodbye and letting them know that the "balloon in my tummy" had popped (that's how I had described what the amniotic sac was). I was still steadily losing a fair amount of fluid, but had yet to have the monster gush or any contractions. So once we arrived at the hospital I told Justin I wanted to walk around for a bit so I wouldn't have to spend so much time laying in a bed (ha!). We decided to just follow the sidewalk that looped around the hospital grounds and wouldn't you know when we were about 100 yards away from the car the BIG gush happened and not even the mega-super-ultra sized pad I was wearing could stem the tide. My jeans were soaked through all the way down both legs and I still had to walk back to the hospital entrance. Luckily, I had taken a towel with me just in case so I was able to wrap it around my waist to hide the mess, but it was fairly obvious to anyone walking by what had happened. Along with the gush had also come the contractions - which were right away three minutes apart and uncomfortable. Justin ran back to the car and got my diaper bag and then we headed in and up to L&D. The ride up the elevator was amusing as there were two other gentleman, one older and one about our age, already on board. The old guy looked at me, my belly and the towel. Then he smiled and asked Justin, "Are ya' nervous?" Justin smiled back and answered that he wasn't since it was our fifth and the guy looked at both of us again and exclaimed, "You're too young to have five kids!" I wasn't up to arguing with him or explaining that we are older than we look at that point so I just smiled and said, "Thank you." The other guy, looking completely awestruck, then piped in and said, "Whoa. I just had my first." We congratulated him and I'm pretty sure he thought we were nuts. :)
Once we got to admitting the nurse asked me if I was sure my water had broken. I laughed and told her I was positive. She must have seen me look down at the towel because she then peered over the desk to look. Understanding, she laughed and said she hadn't seen the towel. I was then lead to a triage room to be monitored. Why? I have no idea. The whole triage experience was a complete joke since the purpose of triage was to determine if I would be staying or going home. Clearly I wouldn't be going home! And yet we were there for seven hours (I'm still angry just thinking about it!) while the misplaced monitor wasn't picking up the contractions I was very much feeling every 3 minutes. The nurses were also confused why the OB on call (who never even came in to see me until just before he went home) didn't send me straight over to Labor and Delivery. Apparently he just didn't want to have to cover a new patient so he waited until the next doctor was coming on call before he finally gave the okay for me to be transferred over. One of the many reasons I will never be returning to that OB practice. (As a side-note: During my time in triage I went from about 3-5 cm.)
Once we were finally taken over to the labor and delivery unit I wasn't in the greatest mood being tired, hungry, uncomfortable and upset with how long it had taken for us to get a room. But then we met our nurse, Lauren, and she was a total game changer! She was the BEST nurse and I was so relieved since I knew that having a good nurse was more important than who the OB was because the nurses are the ones who are with you the whole time. For the most part the OB just comes in at the end to catch the baby. She hooked me up to the monitors and right away they started registering contractions every 2-3 minutes (like I had been telling the triage nurse for seven hours!). I was having to concentrate and breathe through them, but they weren't unbearable. Lauren asked what I wanted to do for pain relief and I let her know that I wanted to go unmedicated, but I'd let her know if I changed my mind.
Since it was about 1 am at this point she made sure we were settled and then dimmed the lights so we could try to get some sleep. Justin only stayed awake for about a half an hour and I didn't have the heart to wake him up to sit with me through the contractions because he was so tired and there really wasn't anything for him to do. So I just laid there for the next few hours breathing through my contractions and trying to sleep in between them. I had started to notice that while they were becoming extremely painful, they were also spreading out farther and farther apart. Eventually they spaced out to 7-10 minutes, but during the contraction I would feel like I was already in transition with how much pain and pressure I was feeling in my pelvis. At that point I knew something wasn't quite right. When Lauren came in around 4 am to check on me again (she could also see the contractions had spread out, but were measuring much more intense) I asked her to see if I had made any progress to see what was going on. She checked my cervix and said I was at 7 cm and the baby was still at a negative station (I cannot remember which number) - which was pretty disheartening with how much pain I was feeling for each contraction! She mentioned that she thought the OB might want to start pitocin if my contractions didn't begin to get closer together and I agreed that would be a good idea if I continued at such a slow pace.
Shift change came at 5 am and while I was so sad (seriously) to see Lauren go, our new nurse was also very nice. She was probably in her mid-sixties and had bright red coke-bottle glasses. She was pretty outspoken (and surprisingly racist), but at that point I really wasn't focused on her too much. I was pretty much trying not to die. When she did a baseline cervical check around 5:30 am, she said I was about 8 cm and that the baby wasn't descending which was probably why my contractions had spaced out and I wasn't dilating as quickly as they would have expected. She could also feel that baby girl was facing the wrong way (just like her big sister!) and said that was what was making it difficult for her to descend.
An hour later I agreed to a small dose of pitocin which would hopefully increase the frequency of the contractions to help the baby come down. The pitocin immediately started working at bringing them closer together and at the next check I was at 9 cm's. This time, though, the nurse could still feel that Eva was turned at an angle so during a contraction she would try to manually turn her. I cannot even begin to describe how excruciating it was to have her trying to turn the baby in the midst of an already unbearable contraction! After the second attempt I started crying (quietly) when she said she was going to try again. Still, baby wouldn't turn. So the nurse helped me to get on my side thinking that might help the baby turn on her own. Doing this made the pain increase substantially as I could feel the baby pushing even harder against my pelvis. After a half an hour of this (torture) the nurse came back to try turning her manually one more time. Afterwards I totally lost all composure and did the ugly cry for about five minutes. I had spent the entire labor as I had with my previous labors - in almost total silence (in the "zone" if you will). But I was exhausted and her attempts at turning Evangeline just hurt SO.BAD that I had finally reached a breaking point. Thankfully, I think I startled her (since I had been so quiet the whole time up until now) and she said she wasn't going to do that anymore. I then calmed down with lots of deep breathing and Justin's encouragement, but the pain was still so intense.
Finally, around 8:35 am the nurse said I could push if I wanted to even though I wasn't quite 10 cm's. I did the whole "my babies come fast" schpiel to warn her and then went for the gold when the next contraction started. She immediately got on her blue-tooth and told the front desk to get Dr. S to our room asap for delivery. Dr. S (an OB I had only met once before and did NOT like because she had no bedside manner at all. This is her first year with the practice having just finished her residency so her lack of experience concerned me as well.) very quickly arrived and within a couple of minutes was gowned up and seated at the end of the bed while the nurse was breaking down the bed for delivery.
I began pushing whenever I felt like it with the nurse holding one leg and Justin holding the other. From my own observations the OB didn't do anything but sit there and stare. She didn't attempt to help stretch things so I wouldn't tear and she didn't count or encourage me at all (again - NO bedside manner!). She simply sat there like a bump on a log. Staring. Meanwhile I wanted to push the baby out as quickly as possible, but knew I had to take it slow or I'd end up tearing. With each push I could feel my pelvic bones breaking (only unlike with Norah where I felt the front of my pelvis breaking, this time it was the sides - right where my hips joints were). This went on for a few contractions until I couldn't take the pelvic/hip pain anymore - it literally blocked any other pain that I probably would have felt otherwise - and I forced my legs down (I couldn't vocalize to tell Justin and the nurse to let them go). After that they just kind of gently held my knees open and held onto my feet to keep them from sliding off of the bed. With the next contraction I pushed and could feel her head crowning (again - I don't recall any pain from that area... It was all in my hip joints) and then I gave one final push, screamed on huge involuntary scream, and she was finally out! The OB then said she'd come out neither face up or down, but was at a diagonal - almost facing to the side. If you can visualize that you can understand the reason for all of the pain being located in my hip joints. With her coming down that way her head put an immense amount of pressure on the sides of my pelvis. I'm lucky she was a peanut or she may not have made it out that particular exit at all!
The doctor held her up for me to see and then the NICU team swept her over to the warmer where they did a quick evaluation, treating her as if she were going to have complications for being early as a precaution. Her Apgar's were 8 and 9 (rockstar!) and her lungs were definitely functioning as she made it known just how upset she was at the whole ordeal. :) After the initial assessment (she was perfect!) they bundled her up and brought her over to me to hold. I was SO happy to finally have her in my arms and that moment made the previous 17 hours all worth it. She was (and is!) so beautiful and perfect! After I held her for a few minutes the team had to take her up to the NICU (hospital protocol for babies delivered before 35 weeks - although she WAS 35 weeks according to my dates) and I told Justin to go with her to get pictures. Physically, I was exhausted, but felt great other than residual soreness in my hips. I didn't tear at all and after I was all cleaned up Justin returned and wheeled me up (I could have walked, but the nurse wouldn't let me) to the NICU to see our baby girl again. At that point she still didn't have a name, but she was healthy and perfect and we were in love!
Now - to answer the question of, "If the pain was that bad then why the heck didn't you ask for an epidural?!"
Well, folks... I did! Around the time I knew Evangeline was turned funky and the contractions were starting to tear my hips apart I told Lauren I was about ready for an epidural, but first wanted to know what the protocol would be with baby girl once she was born and whether I would be able to go see her right away. She told me that because she was under 35 weeks (regardless of how well she appeared) she would have to go to the NICU for mandatory observation. I would be able follow her as soon as I was cleaned up and could get up and go to the bathroom. This little qualifier sealed the deal... I would not be getting the epidural. With the two deliveries where I had had an epidural (Jack and Eddie) I hadn't been able to walk or go to the bathroom afterwards for a couple/few hours. In fact, I had needed a catheter for those couple/few hours because it took that long for the epidural to wear off enough for me to even go to the bathroom. Given this history there was no way I was going to risk not being able to see my baby girl as quickly as possible! I focused solely on this throughout the rest of my labor and it gave me the endurance I needed to make it through. (As for other pain medications like stadol or fentanyl or any other IV narcotic - those just aren't my bag, baby. I've never had them (I personally don't like the idea of anything that crosses through the placenta) and typically dislike the way pain medications make me feel as a general rule so those weren't even an option.)
Evangeline (pronounced ee-VAN-juh-LEEN) finally received her name later that day (about 1 pm). We had been debating between Evangeline and Penelope and after spending a few hours with her we finally agreed that our little bird looked more like an Eva. The meaning of her name, which is "Messenger of good news," also seemed extraordinarily fitting after such a long and difficult labor.
As for her middle name - we had chosen Carolyn long before as it is Justin's mom's middle name and we wanted to honor her. She has been and is an amazing example of selflessness, service, righteousness and love. What more could we ask for our daughter than to hopefully one day encompass all of those same qualities?
We are so grateful to our Heavenly Father for the safe arrival of our little Evangeline Carolyn to our family. Already her sweet spirit is felt throughout our home teaching her brothers and sister more about compassion and love than they already knew and it makes my heart full when they ask to take turns holding her and when they give thanks for her in their prayers. We are truly blessed!
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| 34 1/2 weeks pregnant. Three days before Evangeline's arrival. |
After calling Justin I called his cousin Brianne who had graciously volunteered to be on kid-watch duty whenever our big moment had arrived. Luckily, she was nearby running errands and was able to be at our house within twenty minutes. Justin got home almost immediately after she arrived and then he and I were on our way after kissing the kids goodbye and letting them know that the "balloon in my tummy" had popped (that's how I had described what the amniotic sac was). I was still steadily losing a fair amount of fluid, but had yet to have the monster gush or any contractions. So once we arrived at the hospital I told Justin I wanted to walk around for a bit so I wouldn't have to spend so much time laying in a bed (ha!). We decided to just follow the sidewalk that looped around the hospital grounds and wouldn't you know when we were about 100 yards away from the car the BIG gush happened and not even the mega-super-ultra sized pad I was wearing could stem the tide. My jeans were soaked through all the way down both legs and I still had to walk back to the hospital entrance. Luckily, I had taken a towel with me just in case so I was able to wrap it around my waist to hide the mess, but it was fairly obvious to anyone walking by what had happened. Along with the gush had also come the contractions - which were right away three minutes apart and uncomfortable. Justin ran back to the car and got my diaper bag and then we headed in and up to L&D. The ride up the elevator was amusing as there were two other gentleman, one older and one about our age, already on board. The old guy looked at me, my belly and the towel. Then he smiled and asked Justin, "Are ya' nervous?" Justin smiled back and answered that he wasn't since it was our fifth and the guy looked at both of us again and exclaimed, "You're too young to have five kids!" I wasn't up to arguing with him or explaining that we are older than we look at that point so I just smiled and said, "Thank you." The other guy, looking completely awestruck, then piped in and said, "Whoa. I just had my first." We congratulated him and I'm pretty sure he thought we were nuts. :)
Once we got to admitting the nurse asked me if I was sure my water had broken. I laughed and told her I was positive. She must have seen me look down at the towel because she then peered over the desk to look. Understanding, she laughed and said she hadn't seen the towel. I was then lead to a triage room to be monitored. Why? I have no idea. The whole triage experience was a complete joke since the purpose of triage was to determine if I would be staying or going home. Clearly I wouldn't be going home! And yet we were there for seven hours (I'm still angry just thinking about it!) while the misplaced monitor wasn't picking up the contractions I was very much feeling every 3 minutes. The nurses were also confused why the OB on call (who never even came in to see me until just before he went home) didn't send me straight over to Labor and Delivery. Apparently he just didn't want to have to cover a new patient so he waited until the next doctor was coming on call before he finally gave the okay for me to be transferred over. One of the many reasons I will never be returning to that OB practice. (As a side-note: During my time in triage I went from about 3-5 cm.)
Once we were finally taken over to the labor and delivery unit I wasn't in the greatest mood being tired, hungry, uncomfortable and upset with how long it had taken for us to get a room. But then we met our nurse, Lauren, and she was a total game changer! She was the BEST nurse and I was so relieved since I knew that having a good nurse was more important than who the OB was because the nurses are the ones who are with you the whole time. For the most part the OB just comes in at the end to catch the baby. She hooked me up to the monitors and right away they started registering contractions every 2-3 minutes (like I had been telling the triage nurse for seven hours!). I was having to concentrate and breathe through them, but they weren't unbearable. Lauren asked what I wanted to do for pain relief and I let her know that I wanted to go unmedicated, but I'd let her know if I changed my mind.
Since it was about 1 am at this point she made sure we were settled and then dimmed the lights so we could try to get some sleep. Justin only stayed awake for about a half an hour and I didn't have the heart to wake him up to sit with me through the contractions because he was so tired and there really wasn't anything for him to do. So I just laid there for the next few hours breathing through my contractions and trying to sleep in between them. I had started to notice that while they were becoming extremely painful, they were also spreading out farther and farther apart. Eventually they spaced out to 7-10 minutes, but during the contraction I would feel like I was already in transition with how much pain and pressure I was feeling in my pelvis. At that point I knew something wasn't quite right. When Lauren came in around 4 am to check on me again (she could also see the contractions had spread out, but were measuring much more intense) I asked her to see if I had made any progress to see what was going on. She checked my cervix and said I was at 7 cm and the baby was still at a negative station (I cannot remember which number) - which was pretty disheartening with how much pain I was feeling for each contraction! She mentioned that she thought the OB might want to start pitocin if my contractions didn't begin to get closer together and I agreed that would be a good idea if I continued at such a slow pace.
Shift change came at 5 am and while I was so sad (seriously) to see Lauren go, our new nurse was also very nice. She was probably in her mid-sixties and had bright red coke-bottle glasses. She was pretty outspoken (and surprisingly racist), but at that point I really wasn't focused on her too much. I was pretty much trying not to die. When she did a baseline cervical check around 5:30 am, she said I was about 8 cm and that the baby wasn't descending which was probably why my contractions had spaced out and I wasn't dilating as quickly as they would have expected. She could also feel that baby girl was facing the wrong way (just like her big sister!) and said that was what was making it difficult for her to descend.
An hour later I agreed to a small dose of pitocin which would hopefully increase the frequency of the contractions to help the baby come down. The pitocin immediately started working at bringing them closer together and at the next check I was at 9 cm's. This time, though, the nurse could still feel that Eva was turned at an angle so during a contraction she would try to manually turn her. I cannot even begin to describe how excruciating it was to have her trying to turn the baby in the midst of an already unbearable contraction! After the second attempt I started crying (quietly) when she said she was going to try again. Still, baby wouldn't turn. So the nurse helped me to get on my side thinking that might help the baby turn on her own. Doing this made the pain increase substantially as I could feel the baby pushing even harder against my pelvis. After a half an hour of this (torture) the nurse came back to try turning her manually one more time. Afterwards I totally lost all composure and did the ugly cry for about five minutes. I had spent the entire labor as I had with my previous labors - in almost total silence (in the "zone" if you will). But I was exhausted and her attempts at turning Evangeline just hurt SO.BAD that I had finally reached a breaking point. Thankfully, I think I startled her (since I had been so quiet the whole time up until now) and she said she wasn't going to do that anymore. I then calmed down with lots of deep breathing and Justin's encouragement, but the pain was still so intense.
Finally, around 8:35 am the nurse said I could push if I wanted to even though I wasn't quite 10 cm's. I did the whole "my babies come fast" schpiel to warn her and then went for the gold when the next contraction started. She immediately got on her blue-tooth and told the front desk to get Dr. S to our room asap for delivery. Dr. S (an OB I had only met once before and did NOT like because she had no bedside manner at all. This is her first year with the practice having just finished her residency so her lack of experience concerned me as well.) very quickly arrived and within a couple of minutes was gowned up and seated at the end of the bed while the nurse was breaking down the bed for delivery.
I began pushing whenever I felt like it with the nurse holding one leg and Justin holding the other. From my own observations the OB didn't do anything but sit there and stare. She didn't attempt to help stretch things so I wouldn't tear and she didn't count or encourage me at all (again - NO bedside manner!). She simply sat there like a bump on a log. Staring. Meanwhile I wanted to push the baby out as quickly as possible, but knew I had to take it slow or I'd end up tearing. With each push I could feel my pelvic bones breaking (only unlike with Norah where I felt the front of my pelvis breaking, this time it was the sides - right where my hips joints were). This went on for a few contractions until I couldn't take the pelvic/hip pain anymore - it literally blocked any other pain that I probably would have felt otherwise - and I forced my legs down (I couldn't vocalize to tell Justin and the nurse to let them go). After that they just kind of gently held my knees open and held onto my feet to keep them from sliding off of the bed. With the next contraction I pushed and could feel her head crowning (again - I don't recall any pain from that area... It was all in my hip joints) and then I gave one final push, screamed on huge involuntary scream, and she was finally out! The OB then said she'd come out neither face up or down, but was at a diagonal - almost facing to the side. If you can visualize that you can understand the reason for all of the pain being located in my hip joints. With her coming down that way her head put an immense amount of pressure on the sides of my pelvis. I'm lucky she was a peanut or she may not have made it out that particular exit at all!
The doctor held her up for me to see and then the NICU team swept her over to the warmer where they did a quick evaluation, treating her as if she were going to have complications for being early as a precaution. Her Apgar's were 8 and 9 (rockstar!) and her lungs were definitely functioning as she made it known just how upset she was at the whole ordeal. :) After the initial assessment (she was perfect!) they bundled her up and brought her over to me to hold. I was SO happy to finally have her in my arms and that moment made the previous 17 hours all worth it. She was (and is!) so beautiful and perfect! After I held her for a few minutes the team had to take her up to the NICU (hospital protocol for babies delivered before 35 weeks - although she WAS 35 weeks according to my dates) and I told Justin to go with her to get pictures. Physically, I was exhausted, but felt great other than residual soreness in my hips. I didn't tear at all and after I was all cleaned up Justin returned and wheeled me up (I could have walked, but the nurse wouldn't let me) to the NICU to see our baby girl again. At that point she still didn't have a name, but she was healthy and perfect and we were in love!
Now - to answer the question of, "If the pain was that bad then why the heck didn't you ask for an epidural?!"
Well, folks... I did! Around the time I knew Evangeline was turned funky and the contractions were starting to tear my hips apart I told Lauren I was about ready for an epidural, but first wanted to know what the protocol would be with baby girl once she was born and whether I would be able to go see her right away. She told me that because she was under 35 weeks (regardless of how well she appeared) she would have to go to the NICU for mandatory observation. I would be able follow her as soon as I was cleaned up and could get up and go to the bathroom. This little qualifier sealed the deal... I would not be getting the epidural. With the two deliveries where I had had an epidural (Jack and Eddie) I hadn't been able to walk or go to the bathroom afterwards for a couple/few hours. In fact, I had needed a catheter for those couple/few hours because it took that long for the epidural to wear off enough for me to even go to the bathroom. Given this history there was no way I was going to risk not being able to see my baby girl as quickly as possible! I focused solely on this throughout the rest of my labor and it gave me the endurance I needed to make it through. (As for other pain medications like stadol or fentanyl or any other IV narcotic - those just aren't my bag, baby. I've never had them (I personally don't like the idea of anything that crosses through the placenta) and typically dislike the way pain medications make me feel as a general rule so those weren't even an option.)
Evangeline (pronounced ee-VAN-juh-LEEN) finally received her name later that day (about 1 pm). We had been debating between Evangeline and Penelope and after spending a few hours with her we finally agreed that our little bird looked more like an Eva. The meaning of her name, which is "Messenger of good news," also seemed extraordinarily fitting after such a long and difficult labor.
As for her middle name - we had chosen Carolyn long before as it is Justin's mom's middle name and we wanted to honor her. She has been and is an amazing example of selflessness, service, righteousness and love. What more could we ask for our daughter than to hopefully one day encompass all of those same qualities?
We are so grateful to our Heavenly Father for the safe arrival of our little Evangeline Carolyn to our family. Already her sweet spirit is felt throughout our home teaching her brothers and sister more about compassion and love than they already knew and it makes my heart full when they ask to take turns holding her and when they give thanks for her in their prayers. We are truly blessed!
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| Stuck in triage. We passed the time by watching Diners, Drive-In's and Dives. Torture when I wasn't allowed anything to eat! Luckily, Justin snuck me some pretzels when the nurse was out of the room. |
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| After 17 hours she's finally here!!! |
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| There is nothing sweeter than holding your baby for the first time. |
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| A well deserved nap. |
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| Daddy holding Eva for the first time. :) |
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| Mommy and Eva. |
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