how long will it take before I start sinking

连我最亲的人都在利用与欺骗我

我已经找不到能够谈心事的人了

这次也许真的会爆炸了

I'm not likeable, I know.

I have zero set of social skill.

I offend people faster than I blink.

I see all social butterflies around me.

I'm jealous.

But I just can't.

I no longer know how to talk to people.

People around me are as fake as me.

They only talk to me when they need my help.

They only entertain me because I'm their superior.

I want to scream at them so badly.

I have no one I can turn to to vent everything, to share anything.

Though I say I share everything with my family, there are always things that you can never tell them. 

I have no other people around me.

I see people seeping away from my life.

I no longer feel like keeping touch with anyone.

I have no one I can trust. I have no one I can call to cry to.

I have no one.

It's fucking lonely.

Happy 2013, pathetic blog! Somehow I am back here again. Blogging on this blog which no one reads. Felt the need to do some serious ranting here since my head is about to explode with al these negative thoughts. But second thought, I have told myself numerous times years ago that I do not want this place to.be fillec with emo rants. So, happy thoughts, socially awkward human, happy thoughts. New year resolution (version 2013): -be grateful, learn to appreciate -seriously, save up for all those Europe, Japan and Korea trips that are only living in your mind now -correct the legs. Walk like goddamn woman, fatty! -do something about the goldmine under your bed -be leas socially awkward. Step out of your comfort zone -find a new job maybe?

<3

Still loving these Secondary days songs!








Miss the old Avril.

Nuff said. :)

I seriously think I cannot talk to you.
Every time I do, I will 暴血管。
After all you are just a selfish B.

Koda Kumi and 张靓颖 gave the strongest performance on MAMA last night I swear. No matter how many people love 2NE1 performance, I'm sorry but I totally didn't enjoy. I think I spent most of the time criticising how only 1/2 of the group looks good. We loved Dara's hair though. Nice.


Koda Kumi totally showed these Kpop kids what sexy and badass is. Learn, Hyuna, learn.


Jane's vocals are FLAWLESS. Totally awesome.


AZIATIX should be given the main stage to perform. LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

Try harder, Kpop.

After all, my family chose to watch Junior Masterchef on OKTO rather than MAMA. HA!

Dear client, my primary school days are almost 10 years ago and I don't remember myself doing well in Science. Please do not have such high expectations from me. If I'm so good with all these information writing, I will not have chosen to be a designer. Thanks.

Was feeling pretty down recently. There is too many things going on in my work life and private life.

Anyway, I was surfing the Project Runway website and decided to read my daily horoscope.

"You may not be aware of it, but there are people and structures in your environment that are causing you to feel unstable. It might be that you’ve left a commitment open-ended or have a pile of unfinished projects. Perhaps you’ve hurt someone’s feelings and never made amends, or they’ve hurt you and you never told them. Take a life inventory today and see where things have been left fuzzy. A little bit of clarity will go a long way in helping you feel centered."

It's so true.


Hope things will go well for me before my head explodes.

When was the last time I blogged? A few months back?
I was looking through some old posts and found some interesting photos, so I'm reposting.

In 2008:

Those horrible days.


Half naked men in Sis' hostel room!


When was the last time I met her?


Trying to tap wireless@SG


When everyone on Earth was still using candy bar phones.


A day at Pasir Ris Park, teaching SL how to cycle.


Kind of miss Poly days.


Where did my $3 real size Mepple go? Hmmm...


My runaway bags.

Random stuff read in my old posts:

I was caught by YongKin TWICE in webdesign class for doing non-webdesign stuff (doing a Nodame Cantabile fanart and looking at Arashi Dream-a-live pamphlet scans) and both times he just laughed. I got distinction for that module anyway. :P

I dreamt of my idols at camping trips.

I was afraid to be in the photo studio alone (as it was 7th month).

I called packaging class [Pack with Pat].

' Last week, I told my mum I want to be an otaku.
Today she said,

"The difference between you and an otaku is that an otaku sits in a/his/her small room, while you sit in the dining room. Your 'room' is bigger." '

I was doing 'LIVE' blogging in MFund class.

Mum: The best thing to do during a rainy day is...
Dad: TO SLEEP!
Mum: [insert evil laughter here]
xiuyan: o.o

Wanted a Fisheye lens since 2008. Finally gotten a Fisheye camera in 2011.

Then: (a+b)^2 = (a+b)(a+b) = a^2 + b^2 + 2ab

Now: O.O WTH?!

I broke down and called Clara at 5am in the morning (WTH was I thinking?!) as I had a final submission in 12 hours and my files are all gone.

P.s. I think I'm coming back to blogging though I doubt there is anyone left her to read my posts.

宋代，苏轼，字子瞻，又字和仲，号“东坡居士”，谥号文忠。
I was listening to phrase on Google translate and I don't understand it at all. But I could understand it by reading the sentence on my own.

Is my listening failing?

"Who knows what true loneliness is - not the conventional word but the naked terror? To the lonely themselves it wears a mask. The most miserable outcast hugs some memory or some illusion." - Joseph Conrad

One thing i really hate is being unable to produce work that is up too one's expectations.

I can't produce quality,

Neither can I produce quantity.

I want to blog but can't think of a topic to blog about. All I can say is my CNY holiday is ending too fast!

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Panic! At The Disco: I Write Sins Not Tragedies [OFFICIAL VIDEO]

Was listening to Panic! At the Disco's The Balland of Mona Lisa and it makes me crave for this song suddenly. I still love it to bits. :)

Old school clips!

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K8 performance is so awesome that I don't even care they sang off at some parts.
Totally love the rock band side of K8. <3

MSSP Caps!


Errr... Someone offended their stylist?


I guess so.
Why is Aiba wearing something so Dear Snow-ish when they are not even performing that song.


This set of clothes makes me think that Arashi is

Ohno and the 4 others.


I replayed Ohno-mic-dropping part just to see his super calm reaction.
Kakkoii.


Troublemaker, my favourite song of them in 2010.
My happy song.


There is always Sho's epic face in every Troublemaker performance.


Maru looks like he owes someone money and 2 big brothers are here to get the money back.


If this doesn't appear every year, it will never be MSSP.


Ending this post with Mabo x Maru x Nagase again XD

(will upload K8 performance caps later~)

Self reminder: sort and upload hongkong photos asap.

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Dear Clara,

Go dream of Ohno and not Ryo!

好想把我这张嘴给割掉。
变个哑巴。

我不能说话就不会得罪到人。
我不能说话就不会骂人。
我不能说话就不会和人吵架。
我不能说话就不会说错话。
我不能说话就不会对别人没礼貌。

我不能说话大家就会过得很开心。
我不能说话大家就会不会受到伤害。
我不说话世界会变得更美好。

I swear I heard this song 10 thousand times today.


And so happen, something screwed up with the Firework photo I sent for canvas print.
Need to check whose fault issit tomorrow.
Hope it is not mine.
If it's my fault, I will have to pay (or split half with Miss L)

FML again.

She owes a Kate Spade now. And I really wanted to too.

ROFL.

She has the same skirt as me so I can't wear it to work.

She recently bought the camera I really wish to buy.

Now, she just received this camera bag as birthday present which I was panning to buy after I get my 13th month pay.

FML. Really.

No, I don't hate her. She is a very nice girl who happens to share quite a few interests as me.

I just hate me life. )':

real good performance by OlderHalfOfTokio and 20th Century (I can't rmb their group name. I know they have one.).
v6 perf at the back is good too.

In the end, I brokedown.

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I'm about to breakdown but I can't do so in front of him so it sucks.

Posting this just because some Austrian singer Victoria S is going to rerelease this song and I'm unhappy about it. ):


Yamapi♥

They call this 'itchy hand'.
Teeheehee...

I realised that I have been doing a lot of late night OT recently.
It's not even the peak period.
All thanks to a certain client who is so damn demanding. ):
Anyway, meet my messy desk!



And my late night OT best friends!


The nerdy black dog,


the hiphop white dog,

and the newly joined today, yellow smiley mozzie patch!


Oh, and my refreshments. XD

---

My very first Mont Blanc cake.

The annoying dimsum?






XD

Today, I started learning how to conplete a rubiks cube. This is my first ever completed rubiks cube. Hahaha. I have only memorised the steps to complete the first 2 rows. I will finish memorising all the steps by deepavali! Thank you, my sensai, Mr Yoyo. XD

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I hardly have a hollywood film that I wanna watch but here comes one rare one:



Johnny Depp + Angelina Jolie = Me want :)

法證先鋒 without Bobby, Yoyo and Frankie should never be called 法證先鋒

I'M NOT GOING TO WATCH 法證先鋒3

):

unearthed.
Portfolio Show for Young Designers
Raffles City Shopping Center Level 3
28 Oct - 3 Nov






















That's Lays and YT in the photo, by the way.















Quite abit of unhappiness and disappointment with this show but I will live with it.