Woohoo!!!

I'm finally done with finals!!!!!!!!!!

My head feels like exploding after spending 2 to 3 days in row just writing essays. A total of 7 essays! Not to mention I had in class final exams to study for yesterday and today. Now I'm done!

Now I can focus on getting married. Yay! Yay!

Policy Final

I haaaaaaaaaaaaate it.

It's taking me sooo long!

My last final before my break.

It's like pulling out teeth.

Just got to finish this and then I can focus on marriage :)

What Happened?

What happened?

Particularly asking...

What happened to this friend of mine?

He was a pretty good friend during high school. A little annoying at times but bearable. The smart class clown with hidden talent and witty sense of humor. I wanted to still be friends with him after high school, into our college days and hopefully much later into the future. However, those ideas change. I still wish to be friends but he's not the same. He changed. And not for the better. Has he gone insane?

First he didn't want us to be friends. And when he reunited as friends I asked him why. He gave me a reason that didn't seem reasonable. A reason that seemed weak. A reason that seemed like a lie.

At first this reunited friendship seemed fine. Like it was returning back to older times of witty banter and jokes. Now, his annoying quality has returned and grew 10 times. I remember him more mature in our last years of highschool. A more mature version of him continued through the early days of our college years.

Then that friendship ended and this new version of him came through. This person was very annoying with no endearing qualities. Someone who shouted and spamed. Someone who seemed to carry a one-sided conversation that makes no sense. It's hard to talk to this person of no maturity without feeling insulted or frustrated. No conversation can be held.

So what happened?

What happened to this friend of mine? This new version of my friend seems like a stranger. The persona is like an 8 year old. I don't like this person. I don't remember this person as being my friend. I am afraid I can't call this version my friend. I wish he would return to that more mature person I remember as really being my friend.

Until he can be more mature. Not only is he not invited to my wedding ceremony...I'm not sure if I can invite him to my summer wedding reception.

I want to invite my friend. Not this stranger.

Bye Bye Toshiba

No Toshiba! Don't go!

My old Toshiba laptop that I got for RIT is currently like an old man getting glaucoma. The screen has been flickering on and off every time I move it for sometime now. Right now I'm using a "new" Compaq laptop. Yes, "new" is deliberately in quotes because it's not really new. It's my brother's that he got in May. Unlike me.....who made my computer last more than 3 years before there's any major problem with it, he destroyed it a month ago. So, since it's under warranty my parents sent it in to fix. Yeah, it's fixed now but is he using it now? Noooooo...he gets a NEW one. And I've been given the one that's all scratched up because the people who refurbished it didn't bother to take care.

I don't know....getting a "new" laptop because my brother destroyed it with his "media work" leaves a bit of a bitter taste. I feel like I've been given a rejected one. The piece of cake all covered in wax.

It's fine to give me this banged up thing. Just not how they did it as in "oh we'll give you this because your brother will get a NEW one!" They were emphasizing how my brother will get a new one. When I called up that Toshiba was having problem they basically said, "you'll get your brother's compaq and we'll get him a new one." Thing is....I told them don't go for a laptop right away. Get him a good desktop. He needs it for the media stuff. A laptop can't be his main computer. Did they listen to me? Nooooooo. And I'm the one who's in RIT and knows all the untold things about the majors here.

I now prefer just getting my old Toshiba back all fixed up. It doesn't feel like a reject. I don't care if it's on life support now. It lasted me more than 3 years. I think it'll last another 6 months.

One Step Closer

Woohoo!!! I got my marriage license. Finalllllllly.

Sleeping with U

Not physically of course. :P

A few nights ago Umar and I were talking on our cellphones before going to bed as we usually did. I don't know why but I was really tired. I accidentally fell asleep on him about after half an hour. The next thing I knew was I was calling out his name trying to apologize but he wasn't answering. :( Checking the phone we somehow hung up but after "talking" for 1 hour and 42 minutes. It turns out he fell asleep too about the same time as I did. That meant we slept together on the phone for more than an hour! One of us must have rolled over our phones to "hang up." hehehe


PS: Here is our Raya picture together. Our first and only Raya picture as an unmarried but engaged couple.

Eid

Eid Mubarak everyone.
Selamat Hari Raya.

Please forgive me for my offenses and behavior.

Frustration

I'm so sick of crap happening to me. First my proposal is being constantly postponed. Second I can't seem to get a loan to pay for my last year of college. And third, stupid budget cuts made me lost my job as a TA.

I'm so sick of RIT. I want to get through with it and done over. I just need this college education in order to get a job. But right now I don't even care if I just end up working as an office secretary. Which means that my whole college experience was just a waste. I'm just so frustrated.

The only silver lining of my life appears to be that my love life seems pretty good and I'll be getting married in less that 3 months.

I don't question that it must be part of my fate or something......I'm just......

tired.

Random Shoutout 4

How should I do my wedding invitations!?!?!?!

Ramadan

Ramadan Mubarak!
Selamat Berpuasa!

It's not just about fasting from food.
Can we all control our nafs?
Take advantage of the time that the Shaytan (devil) is locked up?
Minimize our shopping, gossiping and impure thoughts?
Maximize our recitation of the Qur'an, visitations to the masjids and mosques, forgiving and asking for forgiveness?

Let's all become better Muslims for this glorious month!

Homesickness

I'm feeling homesick.
I want to be home!!!!
I wonder how it'll be like when I'm married.
I'll no longer be my "parents' child," I'll be "Umar's wife".
I don't know if I can stay at home for extended times whenever I get homesick anymore after I married.

District 9

I will never ever ever ever want to watch another movie like District 9 ever again. It was a pretty good movie from a filmmaker's point of view but I absolutely hate the concepts. The movie really highlights the ugliness of human society. The greed, the selfishness, the arrogance, the ignorance, the pig-headness. The only one that has somewhat of a noble cause is the main alien and his son. Honestly, the movie was just a whole but of senseless violence. The dialogue was completely unintelligent with the "f" being used in every sentences and nearly as every other word. The ending also just trailed off with no real conclusion. It feels very empty.

However, there is a deep rooted message though. Looking past the violence, the stupidity, and that they're dealing with aliens, humans are just sickening in the way they treat others. When you think about, the way they treat aliens is the same way that some groups of people treat other groups of people in real life. African (Americans) slavery. Jews of the Holocaust. Concentration camps of the American-Japanese. Palestine. And we're all people of the same human race. There's no excuse there.

Freak Out

It's that season for freaking out.

Freak out about my proposal and when "will get to present it???!?!!!!!?!?!?!?!"

Freak out about how to get enough money to pay for the upcoming academic year. (Darn the economy for making it hard for INTERNATIONAL students to get money!)

Freak out about 4 hour delays flights and barely making it onto the connecting flight. (Luckily I have never experienced this myself. Allhamdulillah Pao sempat naik MAS)

Freak out about I-20 and sending things off. (I think my I-20 should be adjusted for going into the master program so I probably should do that soon)

Freak out that I haven't even starting studying for the GRE yet! T_T

Freak out about not hearing from my tunang for the past 3 days. (Okay, I'm not really freaking out about it but I am a little worried)

I hope all this freaking out won't be detrimental to my heart.

Where am I?

I don't like myself. I'm entering depression. What's the use of things? I'm always worrying and regretting about something. I'm sick of it all.

I'm sick of everything. I'm sick of having to act accordingly for people to like me. I want to be myself. I'm sick of this mask. I want to break away from it.

But....I don't know who I am anymore.

How can I act like myself if I don't know who I am.




Who am I?

Proposal paper

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I want it gone and out of my life.

Al-fatihah Uncle Mahadzer

Death takes everyone unexpectedly. This year seems like the year of the dead. Although there are no large catastrophes this year with a death toll in the hundreds or thousands, the deaths that have occurred are much more heartbreaking. The deaths this year has been of the people that have touched my heart for many years. The latest but probably most heartbreaking one for me is Uncle Mahadzer (always shorten to just "Uncle").

Uncle and his family were among the first people I've known since I moved to the United States back when I was 5. My mind was still fresh and I was just beginning to understand the world around me and the people in it. Back then I believed Uncle was really my uncle although now I know we don't have even remote family blood relations. Yet, being so far away from my blood relatives he was the closest I had to a real uncle. Even now when I'm grown up and have lost contact with him and the family for the last 13 years, deep in my heart I still believe he was my uncle. I'm only grateful to have been able to reestablished contact with him briefly in the last couple of months yet I regret not talking with him enough.

Amin. Uncle - July 28, 2009.

Niagara day

I love the days that I can spend with Umar.

Today was a day spent at the Niagara Falls State Park. We (including Hisham and Halim) went on the Maid of the Mist. That was so fun to be near the turbulent falls. We separated afterward.

Umar and I spent the afternoon eating chicken kabob, maple syrup cotton candy (way better than regular cotton candy), and listening to a Native American play traditional folk instruments in the rain.

Selling Awang

That's it. We're finalizing our break up with Awang. We've put up an ad if anyone else would like to buy him. I'll always have you in my memories as my first car. Too bad the memories are relatively short and few but precious still the same.

Here is the link of Awang's ad, with picture and everything.

We put it up last night and already have 2 potential buyers. There's no turning back now. Good-bye.

Random Shoutout 3

I love Spongebob!

weekend

This past weekend was probably one of the best I've had in a while. Going to Letchworth State Park (Saturday), cherry, raspberry, and strawberry picking (Sunday), and Darien Lake (Monday) was so much fun. But the best thing about all of it was that I got to spend so much time with Umar, which made everything 10x better than usual. I love U sayang and I'm excited to spend my life with U.

Michael Jackson's memorial was so touching. I couldn't help but cry at times, especially when his daughter spoke out.

Call me sentimental. I want to go out and buy his CDs now.

Camera

I'm thinking of buying a digital camera for Umar. I'm kinda tired of always bring my slr everywhere we go and I think it's his turn to take pictures of us. (hehe) But I'm not not sure what to buy him. Any idea anyone? Plus my budget is under $200. =)

when sarcasm won't shut up

Those bump-its....they are seriously ugly. Honestly, it looks fake and the big hair looks old fashioned. Can we say flashback to the 80s? Big volume hair doesn't work for everyone. Not all hair styles are best when you have a certain hair type. Work with what you have and make the most of it. I personally like thin flat hair. It just seems so much neater and easier to work with. Plus it doesn't tangle up nearly as much when it's down.

Transfomers

Just went to see Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. It was awesome! I loved the action! However, even though I love action, I think there may even have been too much of it. In the end a lot of the battles kinda blurred together. Don't get me wrong. There were some memorable moments but in my opinion those were relatively few and short.

I think I want to buy the DVDs of both Transformer movies. I really didn't watch the cartoon series growing up and while some people may prefer that to the movie (because face it...it's the original!) I like better Transformers as live action. Mostly because of the effects. But seriously I'm going to buy the DVDs because both movies have so much going on that it's hard to absorb all of it until you watched it several times.

Comparing the first to the second one, I think the first one was much better. Largely due that it had a few minutes of dialogue and transitions where you can recover and internalize the last battle before they throw you into another fight. And honestly, the first one had more of a story. You also know who the Transformers are. The one that had any role (besides fighting) in this second movie was Bumblebee, Optimus Prime, the RC twins, Megatron, Starscream, the Fallen, an ancient transformer from who knows when, and a pervert little toy car/transformer. And they were only a small handful of the Transformers on the screen.

Revenge of the Fallen was primarily action. Like 12% story and 88% action scenes. The breaks are much shorter and near the end you actually have maybe 3-4 fights going on at the same time that are switched around every few minutes. Still gotta love action movies.

Eat up that popcorn because you're going to need the energy to keep up with the action.

break up

Poor Awang. We're breaking up with him. Don't worry Awang, I don't think I can deal with a rebound.

PS: Awang is our c a r

Random Shoutout 2

I love my new short haircut!

Tension!

I feel so tense with the incoming date of my proposal and I'm still not certain that I can be fully prepared in time. Can I say "Excuse me...can you give me another century or two? That would be great!" Plus my adviser still hasn't edited my proposal and sent it back to me. I really hope to get it soon in case he asks me to do an overhaul of it. But of course that would totally be unfair since at this rate I would only have the weekend to correct things when I gave him 2 weeks to read it!

I'm kind of sad that construction is going on next door. It used to be a small expanse of forest. I'd wake up everyday to the songs and chirps of male songbirds greeting their mates and babies and going all macho-like to protect their territory. It would be kind cool to know what the songs means. They could be like those cheesy pickup lines that guys say at bars to catch the attention of girls waaaay out of their leagues. hehehe

But it's still sad that the songs and chirps are gone. Instead it's replaced by chainsaws, hammers and nails, rusty old construction machine, and farting construction workers.

Feng shui is ruined. Peaceful zen is gone. It's even harder for me to concentrate on doing well on my proposal.

I can only think of one nice outcome as a result from all the stress...............I bought myself a nice sporty handbag.

meep

I'm going crazy not having my usual 1 hour long phone calls with Umar. Must sustain my sanity by designing wedding invitation cards and bugging my professor about my proposal.

Read my proposal and comment on it!!!!!!

Concentrating

It's so hard to concentrate! I still need to work on my paper and stuff but I just can't seem to find the focus to pay attention to it. My routine seems so out of whack now that I can't talk to U every night. Rindu die....

Things to Do

1. Finish my proposal draft

2. Send proposal draft to my professor

3. Buy webcam baru yang elok2

4. Beli phonecard yang murah so boleh la call Malaysia

5. Edit proposal draft(s)

6. Hopefully don't end up too stressed and chopping of my hair by the end of the month

Random Shoutout 1

Okay...this is a stupid post but I need to let it out because lately it seems like it's been occurring constantly. Okay...here I go with my shoutout....

WHY DOES IT FEEL LIKE MY BUTT IS ALWAYS VIBRATING?!?!?!?!?!?!?

If someone could give me an explanations that would be nice. Thanks

Missing U

It's only the first day that he's away for the month and I'm already missing him like crazy. He has not even landed in Malaysia yet. It should be no big deal since we've spent a few days without talking to each other (unintentionally) before. I suppose the craziness comes primarily from that if I miss him too much I won't be able to just call him like before. Our calls to each other won't be random throughout the day or follow that familiar routine that we fell into since we got together and even before. Instead, it's a schedule of whenever we're both at home and online with our webcams, mics, and speakers working.

Miss u. Love u.

shh...

hehe....

I didn't realize that I had a blogspot account until I went to look at the main blogspot site. I was searching for my friend's new blog. I'm currently happy with using wordpress but layout designs are limited. I may shall decide later whether to make an official change. For now....let's keep this our little whispered secret.