My wisdom tooth extraction experience

As uncreative as the title sounds, I've decided to write about my entire wisdom tooth extraction on New Year's Eve. Just because I think it might be helpful to people should anyone be dreading a wisdom tooth extraction as much as I have and google crazy for research and stories of how it went.

I've finally removed my 2 bugger wisdom teeth! I had an impacted wisdom tooth and an isolated upper one that were both slowly decaying because of their unbrushable location and position. I have been procrastinating the procedure for years, afraid of the idea of a dentist splitting my tooth to bits and removing them bit by bit with a drill or plier. I'm glad to say that it didn't hurt at all, it was my imagination of the procedure that scared me. I thought the anaesthesia injection would hurt but it didn't hurt much too. The dentist, Dr Ooi was a very spirited young man who rode a kick scooter to work. That's cool I thought, he seemed very confident as I went to lay on the chair.

The actual procedure wasn't as bad as I imagined. Even though my procedure took almost a traumatic 2 hours, I just laid there on the chair, waited patiently for it to be over. Normal procedures should only take about 20minutes, my case happened to be a challenging one. My tricky lower wisdom tooth had 3 fat curvy roots and were very close to my nerves. It broke to pieces quite easily as part of my tooth had already decayed. Boy was I tugged, pulled and drilled as the dentist tried to extract the pieces out. He even said it was the toughest tooth he extracted in his entire 6-7 year career. After much pulling, he didn't manage to get every piece out and left a small piece of root left in my mouth as it was too close to the nerve. He said I broke his record of not leaving any piece behind. I checked with him whether there's any risk with some bits of the tooth left and he said there's only two options: one is the bone fragment to merge with my jaw bone and lay there forever. option two is the body rejecting it and it'd eventually surface and be easier to pluck out. Well I sure didn't think my wisdom tooth would be such a big bugger though I wonder if things would be different if I approached a more senior dentist. He was very apologetic about the long procedure and constantly asked if I felt okay. Other than the slight discomfort of the amount of time he took for extraction, I was feeling quite fine.

Here's my taken out wisdom teeth

Recovering from the wisdom tooth surgery was a pain. I've always thought the trauma of the extraction was the procedure itself, I didn't imagine recovering from it would be much suffering. Although I didn't bleed at all after my wound was stitched up, and I didn't swell at all, there was an annoying consistent pain that lasted for a week. I needed painkillers to help me sleep for days! Some friends I've asked didn't hurt for so many days so I was quite worried if I've developed complications and googled to read as much as I can from other people's experiences. The pain then finally subsided on my 7th day night. Good grief!

Taking my stitches out didn't hurt too although just a few days ago I couldn't believe it wouldn't hurt when my friend told me about her experience. I realised being in pain can make me quite an angry person. But now I'm glad to say I've survived the experience!

Side note: I liked how the dentist walked me in and then after the visit, walked me out with a smile and wished me well. That made my visit a better one.

琅琊榜

我想说一说琅琊榜这部剧。此剧是我多年追戏以来最投入的一部古装戏。看完了也都对此剧念念不忘。这剧本写得精密精彩，有许多细节和人物写得好有层次及深度。不管是主角，奸人或是配角都有性格，奸人也有详细的处事动机。故事的目的很简单，就为了洗冤冤死七万赤焰军忠魂及祁王一案。琅琊榜赞在专注这目标投入，连人物的儿女私情都靠边站，显得没比国家大事，捍卫这赤子之心来的重要。每个人都压抑着自己的情感。好美的一个理念，唯有在此剧我才体会到。

唯美的情，在于兄弟，朋友，战友，家人，之间的支柱。不管从什么背景都为真相为良心为无辜行侠仗义揭开过错讨回公道。无论有多艰难，就算是死也凭这赤子之心的理念冒险救友。虽然有很多戏都带过这些理念，但最后观众最瞩目的重点乃绕在主角和女主角的情戏而盖过了这其他的“情”。这平常关注的爱情点只在这戏内只占了个1%，而把其他的“情”都放大了，很有新鲜感。让我身为华人以此荣耀的概念。

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语录 (slight spoilers from ep26)：

有一句萧景睿对乃有愧疚的梅长苏说了一句关于对友情的话最让我难以释怀:

“凡是人总有取舍。你取了你认为重要的东西，舍弃了我，这只是你的选择而已。若是我因为没有被选择就心生怨恨，那这世间岂不是有太多不可原谅之处。毕竟谁也没有责任要以我为先、以我为重，无论我如何希望，也不能强求。我之所以如此待你，是因为我愿意，若能以此换来同样的诚心固然可喜；若没有，我也没有什么可后悔的。”

好大的宽容心。。不知在现实世界能否做到。

我的熟女时代

Yesterday I finally watched the much hyped 我的少女时代. It did live up to the hype - it was funny, hilarious, romantic, tear inducing, close to heart and relatable to almost everyone. While there are many memorable liners, I for one find the opening memorable. I can’t find the exact lines for now but it started with the character reminiscing “小时候的我我常常幻想，長大後的我會是怎樣的.” and then she concluded her current adult state was: ”不怎样.“

对咯，就是不怎样！
为什么会这样？

When I was young, I would imagine my life after graduation would be a big fanfare. That all of my then desired will come true after I graduate from school - that I would be a great graphic designer designing magazine spreads for my favourite celebrities, directing shoots, earn lots of money, have a whirlwind of a romance, be prettier and more confident. Sadly reality isn’t a fairy tale, only 20% of what I wished for is actualised. I have a design job, I earn enough to get by and go on a overseas trip once a year.

无力，无趣，觉得自己不是自己
Gradually, the shine and hope having a bright future waned down while the tolls and increasing responsibilities of adulthood creeps in. Like a helpless leaf being blown by the wind and going wherever the wind carries. But what I do know as an adult is that dreaming doesn’t get you very far but finding the steps that will take you there is what we need to figure out.

对三十后的展望

没有如愿的理想人生是因为不够努力？还是怕失败失望不敢去想。不敢去实现。觉得自己不可能会做到。或者是说完全无法实际得决定自己想要的是什么。就这样飘着飘着看着命运会带自己到什么地方。其实我对三十后的展望也没什么。 只想自己变得更独立，更能干，有自信，乐观一点,有家人，有朋友，喜欢自己多一些。这不会太难吧？

twenty seven

What does being twenty seven mean?
That I ought to be more independent, self reliable and dependable. The past year I've been through quite a number of things. I finally quit my first job and joined a company with a better environment that has a great work life balance. With that I picked up Japanese and my drawing hobby and has been continuing so for the past few months.

What I feel lacking for being twenty seven's my lack of life experience, day to day skills, and my knowledge of the world seems to be limited to only what I'm interested in. It seems crucial for an adult to be more aware of what is happening around you, money matters, world affairs - basic know-how, life-skills like how to cut a mango, how to fry an egg, why it's important to keep my brushes dry, how long can you store meat in the fridge, how to cut tofu, the best way to mop a floor, what's happening in other countries... It's embarrassing to say that all these things are only what I came across recently and felt I'm inadequate in.

I guess that's what I'll be working on this year and continuing to push my own boundaries to try new things and be a better Huiling.

What I talk about when I talk about reaching the means of anything

Though I'm no runner, I picked up this book curious to know Haruki Murakami's voice.  It was a very descriptive book about running that can get boring when you're not interested in the details how he went about running. I was amused by how much a person can write about a run – physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally. It is as he quoted from Somerset Maugham:

"No matter how mundane some action might appear, keep at it long enough and it becomes a contemplative, even meditative act."

Well, that doesn't apply to everything of course. I always wanted to believe that if you do something long enough, even if you don't like it in the first place, something good will come out of it. Can't say that can apply to a job in an adverse work place.

Another theme he highlighted was suffering. To finish a marathon, you have to keep running even if you feel you can't run any longer, even if your legs feel numb, even though you're tired and thirsty. The average person would most likely stop to walk or take a rest. But what keeps a runner running then? Is it the desire of crossing the finishing line? Or perhaps winning something? Telling yourself you keep going because you want to? He described his mind was a blank when he was running and just kept running anyway. Isn't it easier to give up than suffer to get to the end? Then you reach the finishing line. You're glad it's over. Then you sign up for another race and the cycle repeats. I guess he enjoys the entire process- the tiredness, the breathlessness, crossing the finishing line etc.

 Maybe it’s some pointless act like, as I’ve said before, pouring water into an old pan that has a hole in the bottom, but at least the effort you put into it remains. Whether it’s good for anything or not, cool or totally uncool, in the final analysis what’s most important is what you can’t see but can feel in your heart.

I get that short moment of joy and relief after I finished a drawing, or mopped the floor, carved yet another stamp, tried watching a new drama, new anime, played another new game. Loads of these "pointless acts" of filling my holey old pan that I keep refilling with activities to fill my time with.

To keep at doing something for a long time, enjoying it and be very good at it is what I want to master. Just because I think a human being is coolest that way? The easiest part for me is to think of the most desirable outcome while the hardest's to want to master it bad enough to survive distraction, procrastination and suffering. To learn a new skill, you have to practise very hard. Just practising alone isn't enough. You have to learn during your practice what's the next step in improving whatever you do whether you learn it by repeating the act or it's something new you explored while you practised. Which can be or (many a times) not an enjoyable act when you are doing it for the sake of the result not because you enjoy the act itself. That's where it fails most of the time - not enough conviction to reach the ends.

I don't know why my mind seems to be always stuck wandering the realms of how do I become better at something thingamajig yet most of the time lack taking the action and discipline in doing so. Procrastination and enjoying thinking about it more than I actually do it?

The mandatory reflection post of the year

I'm not particularly reflective this year. Work and life have been busier than past years. This year I formed new relationships and kind of broke some. Part and parcel of life I guess. To recap my resolution last year was to

Follow my instincts/bliss and to accomplish at least one thing that is out of my comfort zone.

Quite a safe resolution that doesn't seem that hard to complete ain't it! I've definitely stepped out of my comfort zone, pursued and tried things I never thought I would. One of them was to finally take up swimming classes. That has sat at the back of my mind for a long time and while I was at it, I wondered what took me so long to sign up. It wasn't that hard. I committed for about 20 weeks learning the breaststroke and front crawl. The latter wasn't so successful. But I'm glad that I finally know how to swim!

I also took up urban sketching with the urban sketchers regularly! I bought a lot of pens and paper to draw and got better at it. (Though I think I still suck.) One thing I learnt from that was that a good tool is important and using it could even enhance your interest. It's a good pastime to train my patience and observation skills. I enjoyed it better than I thought I would when I first joined. I went to Bali and Japan this year. Had a crazy experience riding on a stranger's bike, made new friends in Japan, learnt more about myself, visited Schmid again during my trip. It was all very exciting.

"Love life" wise I had some breakthroughs. I downloaded a social dating app just because hey why not, let's see where it takes me (also partly because one of my best friends psychoed me to). It definitely took me out of my comfort zone to be texting people who are outside of my social circle and it wasn't as scary and dubious as I thought. I didn't use it for long though.

This year was a year of testing my values and experimenting new things. Without testing and experiencing it yourself, you will never know if it is really what you think it is. The things that you thought you wouldn't like, may not be as bad as you think it is. Even the things that you want; when you finally get it, may not make you as happy as you thought you'd be. There's a very good example in "Amachan" (a jdorama that I've been watching recently!). There's this mother character in "Amachan" that I find very interesting. Since young she has been living in a small rural fishing village in Iwate, obliged to succeed her mother's role as an "ama" (a female diver who hunts sea urchins for a living). She hated the sea and the rural village and decided to run away to Tokyo to chase her idol dream. Because her father is a fisherman who only comes home 10 days in a year, she aspires to marry a family man who comes home every day from work. But yet when she finally lives her dream and married such a man, she doesn't seem to be happy. She feels bored. Her husband reads his newspaper while she plucks tails off beansprouts. The house is so quiet that she could hear a thud when a beansprout land onto the floor. (It's really funny.)

Anyway what I know now is that, me time is really important. I am always so busy devoting my free time to hang out with different groups of friends. I thought it's important to meet regularly to sustain friendships and to make use of my free time productively so that I'm not wasting time lazing at home doing nothing but dorama watching. But even that is important yeah. In the long run I just felt really tired and burnt out. Moreover I usually only have 1-2 hours of free time after work before bedtime. It's that bad. I feel so choked up with obligations.

So this year, my resolution is to have more patience and take things slowly as it comes. More me time. Create more, consumer less. Have fun. Quit my horrible job. Continue to break out of my comfort zone. Be at peace. Enjoy everything, the bad and the good.