moving

why does there have to be so many boxes?? i swear when we lived in the old house there where not so many boxes to unpack . i am so over whelmed with boxes i just want to scream my head off i wish the boxes would magically unpack themselves instead of me unpacking them. grrr cant moving be over with .

also my hours of probation are almost gone yay for me i think but also Brittany and Gabe moved back to ar and are planning to stay there i think i dont know but i kinda wish that she would make her mind up and stay put for a while well i gtg so i can go watch surface with the fam so bye bye

love,

bee bee

Moving! Hooray!

We Nuts are VERY excited to finally be moving into an apartment of our own once more. We have rented a 3 bedroom/2 bath 3rd floor apartment up in N Orem. (3rd floor was my idea as a way to get us more active). Our apartment complex has a tennis court, basketball court, barbecue pit, exercise room, laundry facility (though our apartment has hookups for our washer and dryer), and a childrens' playground. There are lots of nice shade trees too. We like that the facility is smoke free - meaning that patrons may not smoke within 25 feet of any of the buildings.

We'll spend Saturday moving our belongings from storage and our current home. We hope to achieve MOST of the move on Saturday. And then I can work on the residual things from here on Monday and through out next week.

The really BIG job comes with unpacking things and deciding on if they will still home with us or if we will be donating them to DI. I really plan on weeding things out cuz we have TOO much stuff.

Wish us luck and that we don't kill each other with this move.

All hurdles cleared!

I'm happy to report that we have managed to jump and clear all the hurdles we had for this week (well, except for the tons of laundry).

Paul received his offer letter from his soon-to-be employer and it answered all the questions we had for the immediate future. :) We're happy that there will be no pay cut for him.

Court for Bria went well. She was polite and kind of shy during the proceeding. The judge (commissioner) was tough but gentle with her. Paul and I being there to report that Bria has had a better attitude lately was helpful to her cause. She will only have to do 35 hours of community service in the next 2 months but I am sure she can get it done. She is under a no-contact order with the girl she took the car with until they are both 18. Good thing they don't attend the same Jr Highs.

We had our last family therapy and it was bittersweet to come to an end. I feel a bit like I'm in a canoe going downstream w/out paddles at the moment but it's just cause I had come to really like the family therapy appointments. I feel like we learned alot from them.

And we have completed week 4 of 13 Strengthening Families classes. Honestly, they are helping me not feel so lost w/out the family therapy. We've worked on some of the same things we worked on in family therapy so it's nice to have that help.

Bria finished 8th grade today. She's happy that she will be a 9th grader next year. I hope she does better academically than she did this year. We're pleased that she moves on, too.

We can breathe sighs of relief that this week's hurdles have been cleared. :)

One hurdle jumped several more to go...

In my last post, I mentioned some things we had going on. Well, this week, tomorrow especially is full of hurdles for our little family.

First, tomorrow morning we are due in court with Bria over her taking our car out joyriding with a friend at the end of March. We're not expecting any surprises really. The probation officer mentioned 50 hours of community service and maybe some no-contact orders (for Bria with some of the people she was/is hanging around with). Oh, and a fine that would probably be waived since it's her first offense and we are the injured party.

Later tomorrow, we will attend possibly our last family therapy session. I'm sad that it's winding down but I do feel like as a family we have grown during our sessions.

And still later tomorrow, we will attend our weekly Stregthening Families classes. These are going well. We've seen some improvement in Bria's behavior over the past few weeks. And that's a good thing. We (as a family) are talking more and doing more things together and it's having a positive effect on teen 'tudes. :)

Then Thursday we are hoping that Paul will finally get his offer letter from his new, soon-to-be-employer. We have heard that he's a keeper so we are excited about the changes that will come about with this new employment opportunity.

And somewhere along the lines, Bria and I have a TON of laundry to catch up on due to the washer being out of commission last week. Fun times! :)

An update on our world

Since my last post, things aren't as bad for me depression wise. I did some talk therapy for a couple of months that did help me to process things a bit better. I've also almost got my days and nights back on track which is helping tremendously. I find I LIKE sleeping at night. :)

I've also recently found that I was having some issues with what seems to be asthma. Taking a daily med for it and then using a rescue inhaler when attacks occur seems to helping me with that. Who knew that pesky little cough that had hung around for months could be asthma?

Beebee is still giving me a run for my money parenting wise. We're working hard as a family to take care of this though. We do a weekly family therapy session and she is also in individual therapy as well. These 2 things seem to be making a huge impact on things.

She was getting pretty out-of-hand with her behaviors i.e. not coming home from school until after 9 pm or just sloughing off school altogether. Thru our various therapy sessions, she is learning to live inside our parenting boundaries and we are learning to be consistent and firm but loving.

We are involved with a program for the next 13 weeks (we had week 1 last week) called Strenthening Families which I am excited about as it will further our family therapy as we begin weaning from our weekly sessions. :)

Paul is going thru a stressful time at work right now that we hope will be resolved in a positive manner by the first of June. He switched jobs in February to a job he really seems to be thriving at. His hours are now mostly noon til 9 pm though he's had to modify his schedule to accommodate our class on Wednesdays. That isn't his big stressor though. Just a couple of weeks ago, he went into work and was informed that the company he works for is in the process of being acquired by a much larger, nationally known company. As such, he isn't sure what his job status will be come June 1. We are praying that the new company makes him an employment offer as they go thru the process of the acquisition. That is the best case scenario. Worst case is that they let him go and he must then look for suitable employment again.

Bert is getting married in August. We are excited for her and can't wait to see her then. Gabe is almost 3 and is fully potty trained both night and day. Yay Gabers!

Anyway, that is our world right now.

The daily struggle...

I have a problem. I'm depressed. :( I keep taking my meds and thinking it will get better but so far, it just seems to be getting worse. I am a recluse. I hide out in my room most of the day. I sleep far too much. Really. I'm in a slump like I never thought I would be in. It's not like my previous bouts of depression. It's this deep, dark hole.

I'm looking for a therapist to hopefully be able to work thru it with. I know I need help. I can't seem to get out of bed til too late in the day. I go to bed usually by 11:30 pm. I toss and turn and toss some more. I finally get to sleep and slumber like forever. I wake up lots too. I think if I could sleep thru w/out the wakings, I'd be less depressed.

I want to see daylight. I want to do things with my hubby and daughter. I want to feel useful. But the more I sleep the more useless I feel. Like the world is passing me by. And I feel guilty because I am letting it pass me by. I reach out to stop it and it seems I can't reach far enough.

I feel unconnected to people nearby. Life is this gray mass. And yet... when I see members of my family outside my home, I find myself still hiding behind a mask of sunshine. I'm fine. See? I can smile. Nothing's wrong with me. It's a lie. I smile to throw you off. I jabber about nothing in particular to make you think I'm not depressed. I don't know how to stop this behaviour. It's been a part of me my whole life it seems. Smile. I'm ok. But I'm not.

Just wanted to let you know that inside, behind this mask of smiles, I am struggling to connect.

To much Drama

All this week has been DRAMA. I cant stand it but it seems everywhere i go it finds me. I just wish people could get over things and let it go. Cuz right now at school its just following me around everywhere and now its at my house. Have any advice please give it to me.