Jasmine gazed at her friend who didn’t look ready to buy into her conversation once again. Regardless of Bella’s carefree demeanour, Jasmine asked the question she needed to ask, “You’d make it up soon with your mom, right?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
Jasmine’s heart sank at the cold response. A fresh wave of disappointment and discouragement cascaded her. Somewhere in her mind, she hoped Bella would be more reasonable, but it seemed she had expected quite too much.
“Really, Bella?” Jasmine caught her voice beginning to get loud, her brows dipped in worry, “Up till now?”
Bella released a sigh out of frustration. She wished her best friend could just leave her alone and mind her business for this moment and moments after, especially since it had to do with her mother.
“I beg you, can we keep this aside for now?”
And so what if Bella didn’t want to forgive her mom? Her mother had dashed her dreams once again, and right now, there was nothing that could restore their relationship; even God couldn’t.
Lol. Didn’t God have a huge role to play in her heartbreak? Since He was ‘God’ after all, why couldn’t He show up as the majestic almighty He was and just make everything work out? Instead, He chose to pick sides with her mother and leave her in a state of misery.
“Oh, well,” Jasmine picked up her purse in a bid to leave, but not giving up on her friend, “I’ll leave you alone as you wish, but I’ll also leave you with this – don’t let yourself get blinded because life didn’t turn out as you expected. That’s life, and the reality of it demands maturity. I hope you understand and make sense of this.”
Bella watched as her friend walked out of her house. She appreciated her absence and could finally enjoy her plate of rice in peace. Of course, Jasmine could give all the advice available because she was hitched with the man of her dreams, and everything seemed to work out well for her.
Shoot, Jasmine was even pregnant with her first child at the age of twenty-five. Here was Bella on the other hand, twenty-eight and still counting with nothing reasonable to show for it. If anyone needed some schooling, it was Jasmine. She needed to step out of that fog in her mind that kept her from viewing things realistically.
As far as Bella was concerned, she wasn’t in a hurry to forgive her mother, and just maybe, she wouldn’t this time.

—-

“She still hates me, doesn’t she?”
For a moment, Jasmine truly couldn’t find the words to respond to Bella’s mom. Being the middle man in their relationship wasn’t an easy task. With Bella showing little to no effort of improvement, it was disheartening. She could imagine how broken Mrs Grace felt with her only child abandoning and sidelining her for the past four months.
“Mom, I wish I could say there’s an improvement, but Bella is still very much angry and is resolute on her decisions. But of course, you know she doesn’t hate you.”
“Hmmm,” Mrs Grace let out a sigh and Jasmine could see weariness written all over her features. The woman had the kindest and best intentions at heart. Jasmine even sometimes felt as though Bella wasn’t deserving of a mother like Mrs Grace. How she wished her mother had been available for her and her three siblings.
Anyway, this wasn’t about her. It was about fixing Bella’s relationship with her mom and Jasmine was determined to see it work out, regardless of how hard-headed her friend was. Bella believed she had an inconsiderate mother, but Jasmine knew that Bella had a poor way of viewing things.
“I wish things were different,” Mrs Grace finally spoke, “I was just trying to keep her from making a mistake like I always do. But I guess I can never force her to go against her choice. I pray she doesn’t act foolishly.”
Jasmine sighed, “It’s heartbreaking for me, too, but I believe she’d be open to responding rightly someday. All we need is a little more patience. She’d come around.”
“Thank you so much, dear Jasmine, for doing your best to see that our relationship works out. She’d learn a lesson, I just hope that it wouldn’t get too late.”
“Amen.”
“How is my baby doing?” Mrs Grace pointed to Jasmine’s rounded seven-month belly with a grin of excitement. The woman had a talent for switching up her mood, especially when it had to do with Jasmine.
“Doing fine I assume,” Jasmine giggled, “We’d soon be seven months.”
“God has been good to you,” Mrs Grace said as she gave Jasmine a soft squeeze on the hand.
“Yes, He has, and He is Mom. I see it every day.”
“Beautiful.”
“He makes all things beautiful in their time. That means what gives the beauty isn’t the fact that those things happened, but that they happened in their appointed season is what makes them beautiful. Everything would turn out fine. I’m convinced it will be fine with Bella and you both will testify of this someday. She’d soon realise that all along, it was her good you sought.”
“I believe God is at work in her. He’s at work in me, too, because I may have had my excesses. You’ve cheered me with your kind and encouraging words. My little boy over there is so blessed.”
Jasmine playfully rolled her eyes, “Oh please, mom. It’s a girl, not a boy.”
Mrs Grace let out a laugh, “You mean you want a girl and not a boy. Whichever God blesses us with would be perfect.”
“You started it with the whole ‘boy’ thing”, Jasmine giggled.
“I did, didn’t I?” Mrs Grace laughed even more.

—-

Bella walked into her office hallway, a bit bedazzled to find a new frame on the wall with the words, ‘Live, Love and Laugh.’
Ironically, none of those words resonated with Bella’s current state, especially after she met with Jasmine over the weekend. She couldn’t remember ever feeling good about herself since Michelle broke off their engagement. It had been a hard pill to swallow and she was still in the process of trying to pick up her broken pieces. Her greatest hurt wasn’t necessarily Michelle, it was her mother. This was the second relationship of hers that got broken at the engagement stage, all because her mother felt like she, Bella, was lacking in common sense. The past hurts had piled up over the years and had gotten to its breaking point.
As she strolled down to her office room, her black stiletto hills clanking against the tiles, she caught sight of two colleagues seated on a desk laughing at something apparently funny on a phone.
“Morning, ma’am,” one of them greeted, and the other did the same.
“Morning, Sally,” Sandra forced a smile at them both before pushing open her office door. As soon as the door was shut, she leaned her back against the wall and began to shed tears. She didn’t know how to act or do; all she knew was that her emotions were all over the place, and she couldn’t control herself at the moment. She could only let the bottled-up pain flow through her tears. Why was her life so miserable? Why did seeing others happy suddenly make her uneasy?
“Miss Bella?” There came a soft knock on her door seconds later.
Oh, no. She recognised the voice as Sally’s.
Bella quickly cleaned up her eyes and tried to adjust the mascara she knew had already soiled her face.
“Give me a second,” she said, still trying to work on her composure, “you can come in.”
Sally gently let the door open and came in, with a somewhat comical look on her face. Bella already had an idea of what brought her in. The poor girl probably felt awkward about the situation, especially with Bella as a senior colleague.
“Just wanted to find out if you were okay.”
Bella forced a smile once again, “Yes, I’m doing fine as you can see. Thank you for your concern.”
“Ma’am,” Sally said, “I don’t think you’re fine. Habiba and I could hear you sobbing from our desk. Also, speaking about what I can see…”
If Bella were in a normal state, she would have laughed at Sally’s sarcasm, but she had no words for the moment. She was caught in her pitiful state.
“Whatever it is you’re facing, I want you to know that it would all be fine…,” Sally stated, “and just in case you need anything, I’ll be outside,” She added before reaching out for the doorknob.
“Thank you,” Bella managed to squeak out. She hoped that didn’t come out wrong while Sally exited her office.
“Oh Lord, help me,” She prayed to herself. How those words came out of her mouth while still angry at God, she couldn’t explain. All she knew was that she needed help.

—–

“I need to go see Bella,” Jasmine mentioned to her husband the following evening.
“How is she?” Arron asked. His attention on the onions he was cutting for dinner.
“I don’t know. She barely responds to me or my messages. I just don’t want her to slowly kill herself. She’s been wrapped up in this pain and bitterness for almost six months.”
“The devil’s tactics never get old,” he chipped.
“Tell me about it.”
“If she hardly responds to you, how do you intend to meet with her?”
“I’ll head to her office tomorrow morning.”
Arron turned and stared at his wife for a split second, “don’t you need an appointment to be allowed in there?”
“I do,” Jasmine mentioned, “but I got a way to plead with her boss. Apparently, they all have noticed she’s not as vibrant as she used to be, and the easiest and fastest way I can get her to respond is by going over to her office. I feel that environment is perfect.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. If she doesn’t respond to you at home, what makes you think she would respond at her office?”
“From my perspective, she’d be pressured to give me the right response, especially because she wouldn’t be expecting her friend to come into her office in the form of a client.”
“Alright then. Let wisdom guide you,” Arron said as he got back to what was on the fire.
“Amen, love. Thank you.”
Jasmine didn’t have so many more options; she could only hope for the best outcome tomorrow.

—-

A knock on Bella’s office door sprang her head up from the laptop before her on the table.
“Miss Bella,” came her secretary’s voice.
“Yes?”
“There’s a client who’d like to see you.”
What? How could she have a client with no prior knowledge?
“Come in, Judith,” Bella called to her secretary as she headed in. She was slightly annoyed at the unexplained and unexpected appointment.
“You’re my secretary,” Bella began, “how can you not inform me beforehand that I’d be having a client by this time today? I have no such appointment on my schedule.”
“I’m sorry about that ma’am. Actually, Mr Gbenga asked me to permit her to come see you. You know I always let you know beforehand.”
Mr Gbenga was the manager of the firm. How could she turn down her boss’s request?
“Alright, it’s fine. Let the person come in. Apologise for the delay, please.”
“Okay ma’am,” Judith nodded as she headed out the door.
The door sprang open again and Bella couldn’t believe her eyes as the ‘client’ came in.
The client was Jasmine?
“Hello friend,” Jasmine said as the door shut close behind her.
“Jasmine, what are you doing at my office?” Bella demanded amidst shock. How did she manage to…
She looked at her friend, whose face was slightly swollen from the pregnancy but still beautiful nonetheless. Bella was the definition of ‘resilient’ and it was quite annoying. Plus, she was pregnant for goodness’ sake.
“Good morning to you too,”
“Please have a seat,” Bella motioned to the empty seat on the other side of the desk, “can’t believe you’re my client for the day. Must be something interesting.”
Jasmine didn’t say a word for a minute; she just stared her friend straight in the eyes, “Bella, how are you?”
Bella knew where the question was coming from and she didn’t want to respond, as usual. She could see the care, concern and love in Jasmine’s eyes, but she hated how she felt.
“I should be asking you that. Look at you, almost a mom already. You shouldn’t be caught going from one place to the next.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“You’d be a good mother too,” Bella said with the sincerity she could muster.
“Thank you, Bell. But please, respond to me. I’m not happy about how you’ve been. I’m concerned about you. You hardly respond to me or my messages. Is that how you value our friendship?”
Bella hated to see the hurt in her friend’s eyes, but she didn’t like being pressured. Especially if it had to do with the incident regarding her mother.
“Did my mom send you?”
“No, she didn’t. Matter of fact she has begged me to leave you alone.
“Good,” was Bella’s sharp response.
“Bella!”
“What?!”
“You’re being mean and disrespectful. Can you, for once, sit still and try to see things differently?”
“I’m listening.”
“You’ve been this way for months – harbouring so much bitterness against your mom and anger towards life. It’s not good for you.”
“What needs to change?” Bella retorted.
“How could I be so sure that you’re completely over Michelle as you claim?”
Bella sometimes missed the moments she and Michelle had together, but she was over him. If not completely, then to a significant extent. Maybe ninety-five on a scale of one to hundred.
“I am,” she said, “It’s not really about Michelle.”
“Okay. But I need you to be honest with me,” Jasmine stated, “are you happy?”
There was a moment of silence and Bella resolved to be honest. For how long did she intend to keep bearing this burden anyway?
“No, I’m not.”
“Why?”
“Jasmine you know why already. Stop doing that.”
“Doing what?” Jasmine looked dismayed.
“Acting as though you don’t know what’s been going on.”
“Of course, I know what’s been going on, but I don’t know fully what you’re thinking in that head of yours.”
Bella knew already she was in for a lecturing session. Was something really wrong with her? It was almost six months and she still didn’t feel like a normal human. It looked as though whether she liked it or not, she would be sitting for this lecturing session.

—-

Michelle was the perfect guy. He was everything Bella wanted in a man, and they were soon to be married until the moment of their introduction came, and Michelle began to act funny. Her culture demanded that he come to see her family with his own family regarding the wedding in sight, but he wanted the introduction to be postponed till some later date, claiming the unavailability of the people who were to represent his family. It was strange for Bella, but she was already familiar with his family so she believed it was something that they could work with. Although it was a struggle for her mother to buy into the idea of Michelle, she agreed to meet with his family. Her uncles also anticipated the introduction as a means to know him.
About a week later, Michelle came into Bella’s mom’s house to pick up his car. All she knew was there was an exchange of words, and Michelle stormed out of the house, claiming that nothing would bring him to their house again. Bella had asked him questions but he walked away without a solid explanation. Her mom, on the other hand, had mentioned to him on that day that ‘he didn’t deserve her daughter’. That seemed to be the statement that drove him away and got him angry.
She wasn’t in love with Michelle. Those feelings had faded away with time. What hurt her the most was that an opportunity for marriage had walked past her once again, and she wasn’t getting any younger. Secondly, her mother was always against her decisions right from when she was a kid. After losing her dad, it felt as though her mom became too protective of her, and for almost everything Bella wanted to do, her mother’s opinion was the opposite.
Bella sat still reminiscing her conversation with Jasmine. She knew that she was probably wrong and unfair to her mother all this while. But in all sincerity, she preferred to hold on to the hurt against her mom. She needed to teach her a lesson. Why was she so much of an inconvenience in her life? Weren’t mothers supposed to be the opposite?

2 MONTHS AFTER

The baby was coming and Jasmine knew it. She was in the hospital room and couldn’t make sense of her body anymore. For a second, she’d be fine; ten seconds later, she’d be having immensely painful contractions. It was a day before her expected day of delivery, but she knew the baby would arrive earlier.
Arron was seated by her side. He looked to be partaking in her current distress, “you’d be fine,” he tentatively smiled as he kept caressing her hand, “the baby would be fine too.”
“Amen,”
Talking was difficult at this point. All she wanted was for the pain to be over, and for her child to come out healthy and well.

—–

Bella was seated in the waiting room. She wished she could help bear some of Jasmine’s pain as she could hear occasional moans and groans, but the nurses only permitted Arron, her husband, to be in the labour room.
She was a bit fidgety about the whole outcome. Would it be a girl or a boy?
“Lord, help my friend.”
As soon as the words left her mouth, there was her mother coming from the reception towards the waiting area. What did she expect? Her mother was literally also Bella’s mom. Of course, she’d be present to offer support and help.
“Good morning, mom.”
“Bella, it’s good to see you,” she said while dropping off her handbag on a seat, “We can’t go in, right?”
“No, we can’t. Just her husband is allowed in.”
“Okay.”
It was an awkward moment as Bella expected. Maybe she should be the one to speak up. After more conversations with Jasmine before now, Bella could see that concerning the whole engagement issue, her mother had a little point. Regardless of how annoying she’d always been, Bella owed her an apology…
For a long time, she was willing to keep being angry at her mother. To say those words was truly difficult. She had practised how to go about it, but after being resolute, she felt ashamed and embarrassed to have to apologise.
“I’m sorry, Mom.”
There she said it. Was it sincere? She didn’t know for sure, all she knew was she summoned some courage and let the words out.
“I’m sorry too,” her mother said, “I could see why you were angry at me and could understand your distress.”
“No, Mom, I don’t think you can.”
“I know it has seemed as though I always try to control you, but I’ve simply been doing my best to look out for you. I’m not perfect, but I’ve been trying my best. I guess we’re all still learning, and I’m sorry about how you’ve felt all this while.”
Hearing her mother confess her wrongdoing somehow made Bella feel better. She guessed that was really what she had desired to hear all along.
“I’m sorry too,” Bella answered, and this time, she was honest.
“I’m sorry about how you feel about Michelle. I understand it’s difficult to walk away from someone you love.”
“I don’t love Michelle anymore.”
It was recently she began to see how God was working out everything. His actions showed he truly didn’t deserve someone like her.
“Oh,” was her mother’s response. Some seconds later, she began talking again, “Isabella, God has great plans for you. Right now, it may seem bleak. I may have also had my extras, but I know for sure that Michelle isn’t the man for you. He wouldn’t have made a good husband. The right person is somewhere, waiting for you too.”
“You and Jas were right. It was disrespectful of him to have treated you the way he did.”
“I was beyond shocked at his behaviour. I was simply trying to question why he didn’t come with his family as was agreed. But I’m glad you and me understand ourselves now,” her mom said and Bella could see the love in her mother’s eyes. She loved her mother too. She always knew she did, but somehow, their relationship was a complicated one.

“I was bitter because of my last two engagements which didn’t work out. Aside from that, I’ve always wondered why you never trust my judgment. I was truly ready to live life on my own, but God helped me to see things better. I mean, Michelle and Dare weren’t God’s will for my life. If any of them was, it could have worked out.”
“You know, when you become a mother, you’d understand better,” Mrs Grace raised her hands dismissively.
Bella shrugged her shoulders, “I just might,” she said, “I think we both just need to be a little more understanding towards each other.”
“That’s right.”
Bella reached out and her mother pulled her into an embrace. It felt good to be reunited with her mother once again. She never saw this day coming. She wanted to stay angry, but she had understood that it wasn’t doing her any good.
The labour room door soon sprang open with a nurse peeping out before stepping right in front of them.
“It’s a boy,” the nurse declared with a grin which revealed the pleasant outcome. Bella was overwhelmed with joy and excitement for their new arrival. After all, God was good.

—–

Bella couldn’t help but keep gazing at her son’s nappy face. Yeah, she loved to call Jasmine’s baby her son too. She reached out her pointy finger to stroke his tiny hands. He took hold of it in his sleep and warmth spread through Bella’s face.
“You love him, don’t you?” Jasmine called from her place on the couch.
“I don’t even have a choice,”
They giggled at Bella’s sarcasm.
“I love Jason,” Bella said, “and I love his mommy too.”
“Awwww.”
“You know what, Jasmine? I never got to thank you. I was a terrible friend.”
“My greatest joy is to see that you’re now on good terms with your mom.”
“Yeah, I know that. But you were patient and persistent in seeing that I didn’t go down in my hurt. Your zeal was bugging me at some point, but you’re the definition of a faithful friend, and now I see better.”
“Bella, you know I’ve always loved and will keep loving you.”
“I know you do. Looking back now, I see God’s goodness. I don’t think I’d have had a great marriage like yours if I got hitched with Michelle. I guess we sometimes need a bit of God-drama to get our eyes and heart to function rightly.”
“Like I’ve always told you. God is good. He loves you so very much which is why he’s preserving you for a son of His – one who would love you and treat you right. Trust me, your story would be much more beautiful than mine.”
“Oh please,” Bella rolled her eyes, “don’t say that.”
“We have different stories, but each is beautiful in its unique way.”
“I believe so.”
“I love you,” Jasmine reached out for a hug and Bella couldn’t help but sink into her friend’s warm embrace. Jasmine wasn’t merely a friend, she was a sister. An amazing one.
“Okay girls, enough of all this mushy stuff,” Arron sang as he got into the living room.
“How did you know we were doing ‘mushy stuff’?” Bella shook her head at her friend’s silly husband.
“I could hear you both from behind the curtain,” he stated matter-of-factly, and Bella laughed in disbelief at his shameless confession to eavesdropping.
“Anyways,” he continued, “I ordered some pizza and fries. Are you both up for it?”
“Sure,” Bella said.
“Okay great. How about you, Jas?”
“Of course, I’d have fries but no pizza. I’d appreciate some fish pepper soup instead.”
“Let me see what I can do about that…” Arron said as he took out his phone as though he were considering making a phone call. He was soon on the phone ordering pepper soup.
Bella giggled, “I think I’ll be moving in with you guys soon. At least I’d be getting my wishes done.”
“Heard that,” Arron yelled from the kitchen and both ladies were caught in laughter.
In the end, it was all beautiful.

Love My Enemies?

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I woke up to read my Bible this morning, a couple of days after the brutal and inhumane murder of Deborah Samuel in Sokoto. I had already prayed and asked God to help me love the people who kill and waste the lives of innocent Christians. I happened to read the story of how an angry mob of Jews wanted Paul executed for absolutely no reasonable reason, except that he preached Christ, something they could never understand and never see because they were worse than blind men.

When I was done reading the story, I closed my Bible and lay down on my bed, fresh anger and hate stirring within me, I cried out to God,

“I cannot love these people! You said I should love them but I’ve come to the conclusion that I cannot bring myself to love them. How can the heart of man be so wicked? How could the heart of man get to this point. No Lord Jesus, I’m afraid I cannot love these people. I can only pity them, but I cannot love them.”

I lay down there, my eyes closed, asking God how I was supposed to love a beastly kind of people. Not to my surprise, I heard nothing. God didn’t speak to me. I couldn’t hear nothing, and at that point I knew that I could indeed not understand God’s ways.

How comfortable it is to remain angry. Sometimes, I want to remain hating these people because I enjoy it. I wonder how I am to feel compassion towards them.

For the past days, my heart has been in a sober and hurting mood due to the death of Deborah in Sokoto. She was stoned to death and burned because she ‘blasphamed’ against Islam and was a Christian. Even if she didn’t speak wisely and discreetly, she didn’t deserve what befell her.

It’s painful to think that Deborah is not the first and will not be the last to die in such a manner. It’s painful to think that many more Christians will die for doing nothing. It’s painful that Christians will continue to look foolish, helpless and weak, like lambs led to the slaughter. But didn’t Jesus suffer all these? A servant is not better than his master (John 15:20).

I’m writing, almost at the verge of tears. Christians, Jews and Radical Muslims, there’s something we all have in common. I noticed, there’s something we have in common. We are all human. Humanity is our common ground. If my brother acts like an animal and he’s a man like me, yet I do not act like an animal, what makes me different?

I am different because I house the Holy Ghost, the Holy spirit dwells inside of me. It means that without this Holy Spirit, I would have had the tendency, just like these people to brutally kill and murder innocent people. Man naturally is a depraved being, and now I realise without having to necessarily hear God speak to me, that this is all the more reason why I should pray for my enemies and love those who hate me. If I can be saved from such an animal-like behaviour, then these too can be saved. If they are human and I am human like them, then they are redeemable. There is hope for them. This is more reason why we cannot remain dormant about Jesus. We shouldn’t speak foolishly, but we should be wise as serpents. We are not called to necessarily or deliberately stir crisis, but let’s listen to the voice of the Holy spirit. Let’s continue to live examplary lives. Let us love and pray for our enemies. It is my prayer that God will teach me compassion towards them.

All men need Jesus. He is the only light. Without him, we will continue to live like animals in the jungle. Jesus is the only hope of the human race. We do not realise it, but all creation is crying out for redemption.

‘Emmanuel,
All the world is calling your name
Emmanuel,
When you come again
Emmanuel,
Help the church to see your Holy face
Emmanuel,
When you come to reign’.

Rest, Don’t Try To Help God.

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Have you ever asked God for something, and then along the line you find yourself seeking ways for God to handle it, especially within a limited time frame?

It’s funny how our God would ask us to cast ALL our fears and anxieties upon him, but we’d choose to cast the part we think God is able to handle meanwhile we unconsciously and unknowingly keep the remaining fears and anxieties. I find myself doing this a lot, but I have realised that faith is hundred percent and complete trust in God. If God makes a promise to you, he is able to bring it to fulfillment without any help. That is what makes him God, the fact that he’s omniscient. Paul calls him, ‘The King Eternal, Immortal God, Invisible God and The Only Wise God’. He doesn’t need to consult any other authority. He is authority himself and if he says he’ll do a thing he’s able to do it on his own.

I’ve been asking God for something and there’s a time frame to it. I pray almost every day reminding him of the promise and I’ll be like, “God, remember it’s only five months we have left” and I find myself thinking of ways of how he can provide for that need and keep the promise. This morning I was about to “remind” him in my notes, but after I typed down a few words, I couldn’t complete the sentence. I had an urge to erase everything I had written. I could hear a voice asking me why I’m trying to help God. Why have I been looking for ways that God can help me through (it even sounds foolish)? Why have I limited God? It was at that point it hit me that I had been trying to help God, unknowingly to me. God doesn’t need my help. I don’t need to help him plan and budget. I should rest, and let him perform that miracle. The fact that he handles it all by himself is what makes it a miracle.

❤️ Hannah

Don’t break my Heart

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“Grace,” the name left his mouth almost inaudibly, it was impossible for him to bring himself into believing that such a message was sent to his own wife. Maybe it was a mistake. He tried to imagine who the person was. It couldn’t be a woman. Why would a woman send a fellow woman a romantically emotional message like this?

How are you doing, Baby.
You’ve asked me to stop calling you that, but I can’t. I’m starting to feel things I shouldn’t for you, and I’m sure you also feel the same way. We need to talk. I called you but you didn’t pick. Always remember that you have me and can always talk to me. Please get back to me as soon as you can.♥️


Kenny didn’t want to go there. He didn’t want to even think of the possibility, but the answer was right before his very eyes. His wife had been cheating. The shock was too overwhelming, he feared he may never recover.

Such effontry and boldness that this Mr. Taylor had, to send such a brazen text. Didn’t the man know that Grace was a married woman? His wife probably hid the fact from him. All he could feel at the moment was heartache and so much hurt.

I will end up in the hospital.

For how long could they have been exchanging messages. Who was the man in the first place?

You’re overreacting over a text message.

Was he?

He stared at the name Taylor, but he knew it was only a disguise for the the person’s true identity. Kenny didn’t know any other man close to his wife apart from himself. It had to be someone at work.

God, please let this be a joke. He pleaded.

His hurt turned into anger. He couldn’t even call her name any longer. His entire body felt numb, and if he didn’t seat, he would collapse on the floor.

He found the edge of the bed and sat there, still staring at his wife’s phone screen in shock.

“Baby, I told you I was bu-” Grace’s face fell at the sight of her phone in her husband’s hands. Kenny looked right into her eyes, and the horror, fear and guilt he saw confirmed it all.

“Babe,” her voice went low. Kenny didn’t know whether it was remorse he saw on her face or whether it was just an act. “Please, let me explain.”

“Grace, tell me this is not true. Tell me it’s a joke,” His voice came out rough, but he didn’t care. He was too angry to care. All his emotions had risen and burned his face. He could feel his heart already breaking. He loved his wife. He gave her his everything. This whole situation didn’t make sense to him. He wished Grace would say it had been a prank.

“I’m sorry,” she placed her hands over her mouth and began to sob.

Her apology was enough to break him into a million pieces. It had been true. It wasn’t a prank. What he saw was real.

It was blatant cheating and infidelity. It was unforgivable. It wasn’t a mistake. It had been a deliberate act, the fact tore him even more.

A part of him was tempted to just let go and forget that he ever saw what he saw, but he’d promised himself that he wouldn’t let love blind him to realities.

He stared at his wife’s phone screen once again, his heart still skipping at the sight of the audacious and scandalous message. This strange man had shared emotions with his wife. He felt instant jealousy and his anger only boiled. She had managed to snuggle another man in between them. Didn’t he at least mean anything to her? He thought that she loved him. In fact, he had been sure that his wife loved him, what then had happened? What had changed?

She said she could explain. He hoped upon hope that her explanation would make sense, although he knew it wouldn’t. “You said you’d explain, even though there’s nothing to. It’s only fair that I listen to you.”

“Oh Kenny, I’m ashamed of myself. I’m sorry. I hate that you had to find out this way.” she knelt on the floor and tears flowed down her eyes. Whatever she did didn’t get to him. She could hang herself for all he cared. He wasn’t having any of her attempts at stirring empathy or pity within him.

He prayed for self control.

“This isn’t the explanation I want” Kenny stated, still trying to contain himself. “I came in and saw that your phone was ringing and the name that appeared on the screen was Taylor. I tried to ignore the call, then a message came in, from the same name. I still cannot believe what I saw.” He didn’t want to remember the message. Just the thought of it made him cringe. If he was eventually going to forgive his wife, it would take him years.

Everything was now making sense. All those times that she acted strange and skittish, she had been hiding something. Sometimes she walked out of their room at weird moments, he didn’t understand that she had been hiding something. He was tempted at a point to suspect her, but he trusted her enough. But now……

How could she do this. Didn’t she love him?

“Do you love me?” He asked, though he didn’t know why.

“Of course babe, I love you”. She answered still in tears. Why the heck was she crying? If anyone was to overreact, it was supposed to be him! She still had the nerve to call him babe? It irritated and stirred his annoyance.

“No,” Kenny stated. “You do not.” He started to walk away, throwing her phone on the bed.

“Kenny, please. Forgive me. Please hear me out.” She crawled attempting to pull him back. He stopped in his tracks.

“You know, I’m still trying to see my mistake. Didn’t I love you enough?” The first tear dropped from his eyes. “Maybe you loved me, but I wasn’t enough for you. Grace, how could you hide and cheat emotionally on me so confidently? Even if you don’t respect me don’t you at least respect God?” He felt satisfied letting it out. “How could I be so sure that you aren’t even sleeping with him?” The thought of it irked him, and a fresh wave of anger washed over him.

“Kenny no-“

“You can’t blame me for thinking that!” Kenny yelled, “I can’t trust you anymore.”

With that he walked out of the room he now dreaded, and feared he may not be returning to.

****

The memory of the hurt and misery Grace saw on her husband’s face formed tears in her eyes. She couldn’t blame him. She was foolish and deserved everything he said and did to her. Fresh shame washed over her. Of course he was going to find out one day.

What was I thinking? She thought.

She never thought it would go this far. She never wanted it to be something serious.

Grace was diabetic and Hakeem was her medical doctor. At first, it was nothing but plain doctor and patient relationship. It was innocent, not until Hakeem began texting and calling her more often than she wanted. At first she thought he was only concerned about her health, and how she was taking her medicine. Irrespective of the fact that he knew she was married, he remained persistent and resilient. He said he had never met a woman like her and wanted them to be something more.

Whenever Grace felt upset about Kenny, she somehow found herself telling it to Hakeem whenever they chatted. He was an attractive man and they began to get close beyond professional boundaries. He had called her many times and told her to come over to his place but she never took it seriously. This had been going on for well over six months.

She made a very foolish mistake and she hated herself for it. She loved her husband. Maybe she had gotten attracted to Hakeem, but it was Kenny she loved. She was sure he’d never intend to be wicked or mean to her. He was in fact the most caring and loving man she knew. Hurting her would be the last thing Kenny would ever want to do in the world, yet that was what she caused him. She felt stupid for ever sharing issues about her husband with Hakeem. The hate she felt for herself was immeasurable.

When Kenneth asked if she still loved him, she wasn’t lying when she said yes. He thought she was a liar.

Wasn’t she one?

How would he react if he learned that ‘Taylor’ was Hakeem? They knew each other. Kenny would never forgive her. She wouldn’t have forgiven herself if she were him. She had put herself in a very terrible situation.

Grace picked up the phone from where it was, after Kenny had flung it at her. She quickly went through it and found the message. She cringed inwardly in embarrassment at the thought of Kenny reading it. She texted back aggressively.

Leave me alone Hakeem! I have told you that I love my husband and I will never cheat on him. I made a very colossal mistake by being friends with you. My husband already knows it all. Do not call or message me ever again or you will hate me!

She was foolish and she would have to pay before she got her husband back. She bent her head and wept her life out.

****

It had been three days since Kenny discovered he had a cheating wife. It was still a bit difficult to accept, but he had moved on.

He packed his belongings and moved to the guest room. He couldn’t live, worse sleep in the same room with Grace. The room was a constant reminder of what had befallen him. His anger had waned drastically, but the hurt was still fresh.

He didn’t want to forgive her. He wanted to remain mad at her, but what would it gain him? The first day it happened, she came knocking on the door, but he totally ignored her. She had said she was ready to talk, a part of him wanted to hear her out, but another part didn’t want to. At a point, she told him food was ready, but that night he slept on an empty stomach. Hunger at the moment felt like nothing.

He hadn’t even been able to go to work. His construction manager had called and asked if all was okay, Kenny gave him a brief response and hung up. He was his own boss luckily for him, if not he would have been sacked. For the most part, Grace always sought for an opportunity to reach out, but he always ignored her. He went out to buy his own food and did everything for himself by himself, without having to speak to her.

He was beginning to feel guilty. Maybe he was taking it all too far. It was just a text message after all, how could he be sure she was physically cheating on him? He knew that he ought to have forgiven her by now, but something seemed to just keep him tied and locked up in one position. The thought of her sleeping with another man remained unbearable, he couldn’t overrule the possibility of it happening.

“But I always forgive you whenever you repent. Love is forgiving,”

came a voice from inside of him. He knew that God was speaking to him. The burden was too heavy to bear, if God didn’t supply him the strength, he feared he may never forgive and reconcile with his wife.

“Lord Jesus, please help me.” He cried out.

****

“Grace, didn’t I warn you to be careful with that man? I told you to stop engaging him, even if it’s normal ‘Hello’, so far it’s outside professional boundaries, but you refused to listen to me!”

Grace had told her sister, Nanna all that had happened between herself and her husband. She went over to her sister’s house for a visit, but mostly because she needed a shoulder to lean on.

“I don’t know what to do Nanna. I already told Hakeem never to reach out to me again, and since I sent him the text, he hasn’t. I wish Kenneth would at least talk to me or accept that I am deeply sorry.”

Grace was frustrated. She had tried every means possible to talk to Kenny, but he paid her no heed. He always ignored her. She didn’t want to lose her husband, she needed to find a way to get him to at least talk to her.

“I’m really disappointed in you. You acted foolishly.” Nanna scolded her younger sister, “I’ve told you that men can be slimy and deceitful. I always tell you that you need to be careful with the way you relate with other men after marriage. You need to be smart.”

“I know that Nanna, I’m sorry. I know that I acted foolishly, but I’ve repented and I’m willing to change,” she went into tears, “I just want to get my husband back.” she let out a wail and fell on her sister. Nanna held her in a tight embrace.

“I’m talking this way, not because I want to make you feel worse, but because I know that Kenny is a good man.”

Grace drew back as she wiped her tears with the back of her hands, “I understand.” She sniffled, ” Do you think he’ll forgive me?”

“Kenny is a good man who fears God, and I’m sure without a doubt that he loves you so much, which was why he reacted that way. He was hurt because he loves you. So I believe he will forgive you, even if not now, he will eventually. Just give him some time, you hear?” Grace could see the sympathy and compassion in her sister’s eyes.

“Thank you so much Nan, I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

“You’re my sister and I love you. I’ll always be here for you. This is just a lesson.” Nanna gave Grace’s hands a gentle squeeze.

“We’ve been married for barely two years, I do not want to start my marriage this way. I feel so bad.” Grace looked totally devastated.

“It’s okay to feel that way. It shows you’re remorseful. So far God has forgiven you, that’s all that matters.”

“You’re right. Just keep praying for me, that God will open Kenny’s heart to listen to me and forgive me.”

“Sure, my sweet sister, oya clean your eyes.” Nanna grinned widely, trying to comfort her sister.

Nanna got up heading to the kitchen, “Oya what will you eat? There’s spaghetti.”

“I’ll eat spaghetti.” Grace answered, as she got up from the cushion, “Let me just follow you to the kitchen. I think today will be the first day I’ll enjoy eating since what happened.”

****

Kenny finally had the heart to get back to work.

It was evening, and he’d promised to make things right between himself and Grace. She had gone out to her sister’s house earlier.

The thought of all she had suffered for his sake stirred sympathy within him. She deserved it for her actions, but it was wrong of him to keep holding a grudge against her. After all, she apologized. Thinking about it, he may have forgiven her since, he just wanted her to understand the gravity of her actions.

So he’d made up his mind to apologize to her. He’d begin the conversation and say that he was sorry. She had been the one making effort, now was his turn. He wasn’t sure he could completely trust her, especially since she may have slept with the guy, but he’d at least let her know that she was forgiven.

Almost instantly, a knock sounded on the door and he knew that it had to be Grace. His heart began to skip. He wondered why he got jittery and nervous. He wasn’t about to re-ask his wife out.

“Come in.”

His wife came in and he realised that he had missed her. His wife was truly a beauty and he loved her. Inspite of the heartache she caused him, he still loved her with the whole of his heart. He looked at her face and weariness was written all over. Shame washed over him for being the cause of his wife’s misery. He regretted that his wife had been suffering for his sake.

“Kenny, I’m sorry.”

All that had transpired came flashing back to his memory. He relived the fresh hurt for an instant.

“Why did you entertain another man?”

She gave a deep sigh and he knew that whatever she was about to say wasn’t going to be easy. “Thinking about it now, I really do not know what was wrong with me. I wasn’t thinking. Kenny, you were never the problem. You always proved that you loved me and showed me care, yet it wasn’t enough for me. I was really foolish and I regret my actions. Please forgive me. I hate myself for the hurt and pain I caused you.”

She looked like she really meant her apology. He knew she meant it. He had forgiven her, but still needed to understand some things.

“And Kenny,” Grace began, “Taylor isn’t actually the name of the person.” She suddenly became extremely nervous.

“What is his name then?” Kenny was curious to find out who the unfortunate man was.

“It’s uhh,” she looked down and fiddled with her fingers, “Doctor Remi. Doctor Hakeem Remi.”

Kenny had conditioned his mind that whoever the person was, he wouldn’t take it to heart, but this one came greater than a shock. Was his wife that shameless? Her doctor. She was having an affair with her doctor. The anger he thought was dealt with came rising. God please help me, he pleaded in his mind. Please help me. I need self control.

The nerve of the man.

He even had the effontry to greet him two days ago at the bank! Kenny then acknowledged that he was a fool himself. He had been fooled all along. If it weren’t someone he was familiar with, maybe it wouldn’t have been this bad. But Doctor Hakeem? No, he almost could not believe it. If God didn’t help him, he would kill the man.

“Kenny, I’m sorry” Grace fell into tears once again.

Kenny didn’t know what to think. He was utterly stunned.

“Did you sleep with him?” He anticipated her answer, his anger boiling hotter than ever. Kenny, calm down.

“No,” she replied quickly, “I never slept with him. He invited me to his place several times, but I never went. I couldn’t do that to you.” Grace went on explaining all that had transpired between herself and Hakeem, right from when their friendship began.

Somehow, the fact that Grace never slept with Hakeem calmed Kenny’s nerves. He couldn’t place why, but he believed her. Her eyes showed that she wasn’t lying. She was his wife after all and he already understood her body language.

“Please Kenny, forgive me,” Grace wailed bitterly, ” I love you so much, please don’t deal with me like this. I’ve learned my lesson and I’ll never again.”

Kenny walked over to her and hugged her. It was obvious that his wife needed to understand what it meant to be married. It felt good for her to be in his arms again. Marriages were never perfect, including his, but he trusted that God who had let them both pass through this season, would take them to better days. He forgave her. If God could show him mercy, who was he not to show mercy?

THE END.

My Overthinking Self😩😩

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If overthinking were a person, it would HAVE to be me (Hannah).

My family members, especially my sisters would say, “Hannnnn, you over think a lot.”
Or how my older sister prefers to put it, “Hai, this my overthinking sister.”

I used to think they were just exaggerating because they didn’t understand me, but I finally was able to see through their eyes and realized that indeed, I am an overthinker.

Usually, after an event (of whatever kind) I find myself coming back home and recounting all that had transpired (even the ones that didn’t transpire, my brain somehow finds a way of creating them) during that occasion. I will begin to recall my every action.

Let me put it this way, I “regurgitate” my thoughts. I’d just start literally overthinking and feeling pessimistic. Eventually, I’d begin to feel ashamed of myself, and then feel like I’m the most terrible person in the world. Sometimes, it could be so bad that I’d begin to get anxious.

I thank God for my sisters. If not for them, I probably would have gotten into depression. It’s an introverted quality, but I think mine is a little, no a ‘hugely’ too much, if something like that exists. To show you how bad, I’m almost very sure that I’m the worst and only existing overthinker in the world.

One very night as I lay down on my bed, I began to “overthink” as usual, which led to me asking my younger sister if I did something too much. She was like, “No Hann.” You could sense her annoyance and tiredness of always having to reassure me. I then heard a voice in my head almost instantly, “Stop trying to be perfect. You’re not perfect and you will never be. You don’t want to annoy anyone, but that’s life. You will have to annoy people, it’s not something you can completely run away from as much as you try. Your imperfections make you human. That’s what you are, human. Accept that you’re human and begin to enjoy life.”

That was literally the summary of all I heard, and I was like, “Omooo, what a blatant truth and rebuke”.

As much as we try, a time will come where we have to step on the toes of others, inasmuch as we do not want to. That’s life. We can never please the entire world. By the way, I’ve also noticed that my overthinking hasn’t even been able to deliver me from annoying people. I still annoy people, come back and overthink. Loll.

As you try to please someone, another is getting hurt, and vice versa. When you act wrongly, people who behave rightly will get offended, and when you act rightly, people who behave wrongly will get offended. In summary, offenses will come. People will get offended, no matter where you stand. Jesus even stated this in the book of Matthew.

Do whatever you know is right and pleasing to God. It’s right to apologise to people when we’re wrong, but at the same time, we shouldn’t go too hard on ourselves for situations that we cannot control.

I just want to encourage anyone, who like me has also struggled with pleasing people and overthinking. Irrespective of our temperaments, God is able to work on our weaknesses. That’s why the Bible talks about our minds being “renewed”. I still struggle with overthinking sometimes though, but God has helped and is helping me.