I have an old uni friend who is facing the most unbelievably sad situation. Her very young child has received a terminal diagnosis with a 2-3 year best case scenario.

She lives far away, and we aren’t close anymore. We exchange Facebook birthday greetings. We used to send Christmas cards but fell out of that habit. We did cards and presents for our first borns but not after that.
I found out the diagnosis from a mutual friend but the friend in question will know I will find out so it’s fine I know. I feel just awful.

I will write a letter or a card and wondered if I could send something to go with it. I’m not much into previous stones or what have you but is there something like that I could send? A way to say I send my strength and love in this object?

We have two kids at a selective school in London. It is very competitive to get in to. Both kids sat the 4+ and have been there since reception and are doing really well. We have just found out that our third has not been accepted for reception next year. I am so sad that she can’t join her siblings.

I don’t blame the school, obviously they have to draw a line and we chose to put them all in for 4+. I also know it is a ridiculous age to try and assess. She won’t even be 4 until the summer and is developmentally a completely normal 3 year old. She can try again at 7+. But I am still heartbroken that she will have at least three years separate to the others, and her siblings are so disappointed too.

Anyone else have this experience and can help me put some perspective on it. I know there are bigger issues but right now I am feeling so sad about it.

Another weekend, another drama. If we stay in, everyone starts arguing and DH gets depressed. So we‘ve started making plans for the weekend, so the kids know what to expect. Nothing full on, but getting out of the house.

But DS (9) refuses to go out. It’s not optional, so he does end up coming with. But this is after an hour of him screaming and being extremely rude. Calling us stupid etc. Then everyone is in a bad mood anyway. As a consequence he has no screen time for the weekend, but he doesn’t care.

He has down time every weekend. We‘re not in the UK and he has Weds and Fri afternoon off school to stay home and play, or have a friend over.

I can’t take it anymore. I lost my rag this morning. DH has taken them out, after an hour of being screamed at. I know DS will be nice as pie when he comes home. It’s like he has two personalities.

So it’s either stay in at the weekend and be screamed at, or go out and be screamed at.

I know this is mostly a women’s space, but that’s kind of why I’m here: I’d really like some female perspectives. For context I’m a man, married to a woman I love. She’s genuinely a great mum and a wonderful person that I’m proud of being married to. We’ve got 2 kids, one is 4 and the other is 1.

From the very start she was clear she wanted a big family, 3-4 kids. I’ve always been more of a one-kid person. If I’m being totally honest, 2 already feels like a lot to me. Parenting is hard, and I don’t find it fulfilling in the way she does, I mostly find it exhausting, although I love my children.

That said, I love her and I wanted / want to be with her. I knew that lots of kids were basically part of the deal, so I went along with it. I don’t regret my children, I love spending time with them (but struggle when it’s full days or long stretches of solo parenting) but I also can’t pretend this was ever my dream.

I’m usually out of the house from around 8am until about 6pm for work, 5 days per week. I very rarely get time that feels properly “off”, especially at weekends because we tend to spend the weekends as a family.

My wife is a SAHM, which was always what she wanted. Her day-to-day expenses (things like clothes, coffees, dentist, general spending) are covered by her or family money or inheritance, so money isn’t really a stressor for her in the long term. The house is paid for 50/50 by us. Everything else (bills, children’s clothes, nursery, meals out as a family, holidays) are covered by me.

The thing we keep clashing over is expectations around childcare. She wants everything to be very 50/50: nights, weekends, early mornings, all of it. She also still wants a third child, possibly a fourth, whereas I really don’t. And this is where I get stuck. From her side, it’s “this is my purpose in life, I want a big family”. I get that, and I respect it. But from my side, this already feels like more than I can comfortably handle. It feels like I’m being asked to sign up for something I never really wanted, and then expected to put in exactly the same level of energy and enthusiasm as someone who does. I guess, bluntly, my thinking is this: if having 3-4 kids is something she wants far more than I do, is it unreasonable to think she should be doing more of the work that comes with that choice? Because at the moment it feels like “I want more kids, let’s do this together, but you still have to carry half, or more, of the load”.

I love my wife, I love my kids, and I want to stay with her. I’m not trying to opt out of being a parent. Im
happy to occasionally wake up with the baby or to help get everyone ready in the morning for the day. I just don’t want to pretend that this is equally my dream when it isn’t. I can’t wake up every other morning at 6am because our toddler does, or spend large chunks of the day firefighting tantrums and overtired behaviour.

So am I being unfair here? Would it be unreasonable to say that if you want another 1-2 children be prepared for your load to go up disproportionately to mine?

Would really appreciate honest thoughts

Second time bride here, mid 50’s. I’m getting married again in a couple of months and we are having a fun, informal family and friends wedding. I’m wearing the jumpsuit below, but have no idea how to dress it up (does it need it?) to make it more bridal. In particular what to do with my hair? A hat? A hair band? A flower? I have very short hair and it’s fine and menopausal so options are pretty limited! It’s from Phase Eight.

also any ideas for jewellery? Shoes?

the colour scheme for flowers is orange and pink (clashing!) My future husband is wearing a fabulous dark orange velvet suit, adult bridesmaids in a deep dark pink.

thanks all!

For background - split with ex when DD was 6months old. She’s now 11 and a half and at secondary school. He was a gaslighting bully and it took me a while to break free from him. I’ll admit to being scared of him for a while mid relationship with him, got to a point after DD was born where I finally decided enough was enough and left.

Over the years he has made comments to DD and she’s told me, and I’ve pulled him up on it.

He’s got 3 children, all different mums, my child is the eldest. He is still with youngest child’s mum, they’ve been together for about 5 years now. There’s a big gap with DD and the younger two. There’s biggest gap being 8 years.

So to the issue - DD has never had a best friend and watching her friendships at primary was a bit heartbreaking as while she had a group of friends and would be invited to birthday parties etc, she was never anyone’s first pick and didn’t have a best friend. Fast forward to secondary and she’s made friends with some nice girls with one - R - being her bestie. I’m so pleased she has found someone so nice.
Its R’s bday next week and her mum text on Wednesday night saying sorry for such short notice as she’d been ill but would DD like to join them for a day out on Saturday for R’s bday.
I mentioned it to DD who said she’d like to go, but her dad was at a training day and his GF was taking the younger two to their swimming lesson then straight to a party at a soft play for middle child. DD is expected to go and sit and watch swimming (as she has to every time she’s with him. He’s never paid for any of her clubs) and then go to the soft play. Which basically means entertain the youngest one. (She had said to R oh I’m meant to be ‘helping’ dads gf on Saturday so wasn’t sure if she could go).
I said well let’s message and see what he says. He came back with this was our plan but if DD wants to go that’s fine. So we sort it all out.

I collected DD this morning as her friend was getting her a bit later and her dad and gf needed to be out early. In the car she tells me her dad said ohhh GF isn’t happy with you. In a serious tone apparently. I said why because you’re not there to be her unpaid babysitter? (The younger two fight a lot) she was like I dunno. She said she was glad to get out as they were fighting when I got there.

I was absolutely fuming with this comment. I know I might be overreacting as I can’t stand the guy but why would you make your child feel bad about going out for her best friends bday?? He’s not even there today so not like she would have seen him anyway?? She wasn’t crying or anything but felt the need to tell me and asked me not to say anything.

I feel really mad about this - am I being over the top?

I’m really annoyed about this and I am one who is normally in favour of strict uniform rules.

DD is 12 and at a Catholic school in Australia that supplies uniforms from its own school shop. DD is a 6 ft tall beanpole and wears her correct size which is the second smallest size available. The skirt is pleated and tartan with only a couple of millimetres in hemline. She has just received her second uniform violation as her skirt sits just above the knee when it is meant to be knee length. DD is always in the full correct uniform and never gets into any trouble.

I am thinking of emailing the school and putting it back on them- DD is wearing the correct uniform skirt from the school’s uniform shop, she does not shorten it in any way and if the school has an issue, the school needs to take it up with their uniform supplier and ask them to supply skirts for tall girls or at least add some hemline material that can be let down. (Although the pleats would make this challenging)

Is this a good approach? I’m ropable because in 1992 shy, quiet 6 ft tall me was hauled in front of a school assembly for a skirt length dressing down when I was also wearing the school skirt that had been fully let down. My mum sorted that with a phone call and I want to sort this for DD.

they are covers that go over the screw fixings at the bottom rail of a corner curved shower cubicle, does that make sense ? Sorry if not, I want to replace them there are four in the shower, the photo is the front and the back. Thanks if anyone is able to help

I'm 37 and I'm embarrassed to admit I'm completely lost when it comes to pensions.

The first job I remember paying into a pension was in 2014. I've had 5 jobs since then, with salaries ranging from 30k to 45k. I know I've always put in 5%, employer contributions have varied.

The thing is, with my previous jobs, I don't even know what companies they were with. To confuse things even more since 2014 I've got divorced and then remarried again. I did open a Moneybox account a couple of years ago and it said they could transfer all of my pensions, but then they said they were unable to locate them, I'm guessing because they were in different names. I just don't know where to start in tracking them down.

And if I do find them, what then? Do I consolidate them all somehow? Can I add them to my current workplace pension?

I know it's irresponsible not to know all this so please be gentle!

Tell me if I’m in the wrong…

Yesterday I had a shopping delivery from a well known supermarket .We’ve been having them for years and never, until yesterday, have we ever had any issues.

Yesterday DH was at work and DC at school. The driver arrived and from the out he was rude and shouty.

He came to my door and before I could say anything he rather aggressively told me that if I was having a delivery to have the courtesy to unbolt the gate. For reference the gate isn’t bolted, has never had a bolt and is just a latch you lift up to open. We’ve never had anybody complain about it before.

When I told him there was no bolt, he started shouting that there was and he had just had to use a “bloody great big stick” to open the gate. I told him again it’s just a latch snd no bolt and I started unloading my shopping.

He then went back to his van and in one of the crates I’d taken through to the kitchen was a handset. I emptied the crates and put them to one side on the utility room (indoors).

He came back with another crate asking where his handset was. I said in the crate. Before I’d had a chance to give it to him, he had walked into my house and into the utility room to get it. Had none of this verbal aggression taken place before I would have thought anything of it.

I finished emptying the crates and handed the last one back. He then said I needed to go with him so he could show me the gate was bolted. I said I didn’t need to see the gate, there is no bolt. By this point I was feeling very intimidated by him. He then started shouting at me and that I needed to go with him. At this point I asked him not to shout at me and I asked for his name, which he didn’t give. He then carried on shouting when I said I wasn’t going anywhere with him. By this point I was shaking. I had to close the door on him and lock it whilst he continued to shout at me.

I was really shaken up all evening. My husband is furious and also said taking a large stick to our gate could have caused damage. We’ve checked the gate. Same as always no bolt and no lock.

I’ve phoned the national complaints number and it’s been recorded but I don’t want this man delivering to me again. I feel the store isn’t interested as no follow up call.

I am astounded this happened. That a man thought he could intimidate me in this way, enter my home uninvited and behave like this.

I’ve been told that they can’t guarantee this man won’t deliver to me again. I’ve switched to a different supermarket but I don’t feel I’ve done anything wrong to warrant such aggressive behaviour. DH said had he been home and opened the door he wouldn’t have said anything to him.

I ordered a few bits from Iceland. I've been living on toast and sandwiches due to work/study/general laziness when it comes to cooking, so I thought I'd order some quick, easy meals.

I ordered a few bags of frozen veg, some Bisto, and some sliced, ready to cook frozen chicken breasts, so obviously, an entire meal.

Having run out of sliced chicken, Iceland sent... Choc Ices. Not turkey, not a different cut of chicken, not even a couple of packets of chicken nuggets or some sausages, but 2 boxes of choc ices I order from Iceland regularly and have never ever bought choc ices or any description of ice-cream. I have ordered turkey breast and low-fat sausages. I have ordered battered chicken and fresh chicken.

I'm very much looking forward to my dinner of veg, gravy and choc ice

Luckily, DD, who answered the door to Iceland, likes choc ices. She assumed I ordered them for her because Iceland never mentioned substitutions.

How do the pickers come up with these substitutions? Are they meant as a joke, or do they genuinely believe ice cream and chocolate are a good substitute for chicken breast?

the dry cleaner LOST the dress I was going to wear so please HELP

i can go to a large shopping centre like Westfield or I can go to the centre of London as the wedding is there so I have a wide choice of shops. I want to choose a dress this morning online, call the shop to check it’s in stock, then go. Help me find a good dress.

I want a really smart, eye catching, well made and eye catching outfit. I want colourful as that’s the instruction for the wedding.

I am 50 years old. 5’11’’. Size 10. Quite small bust (c cup but they look smaller for some reason). I have hair that used to be brown and is now lots of caramel highlights to hide the grey.

because of my height and age I won’t wear heels.

budget is generous. I could spend up to £500 on dress, acccessories etc but I would prefer much less.

i am giving a reading in the church so I need to look great and my face is not by best asset so I need the outfit to do the looking great. Any ideas?

Like quite a few people on here I have been trying to reduce or eliminate buying new clothes or beauty treats in 2026. For the most part I've failed miserably but I'm going to keep trying. One thing that helps me greatly is being de-influenced from a purchase. Unfortunately I'm very easily influenced by advertisements but my saving grace is that I can be easily dissuaded from buying things also.

Recently two lovely posters (@Johanna and @Cortietat ) managed to stop me from buying overpriced Sweaty Betty pilates socks and a potentially somewhat wonky Eribé fair isle cardigan respectively by telling me what wasn't so great about these items. I'm so appreciative as this has saved me heaps of money. So I was wondering whether anyone else has anything they'd liked to be talked out of purchasing?

The idea is to post something on this thread that you're considering buying despite trying to save money via a no buy or low buy commitment or simply because you're not sure about a purchase. Other posters respond to say why you shouldn't buy. If anyone thinks what you're considering getting is the best thing since sliced bread and you should definitely proceed they keep quiet about it please as this isn't the thread for that.

So...is anyone in?

To think the 90s/early 2000s was when we peaked and everything has gone downhill since due to technology.

Bear in mind I was only a child/teen then (mid 30s now).
There was just the right amount of technology.
People just seemed happier.

I wish I could have raised my children in a similar environment to what my mother raised me in.

NC for this as it’s controversial, and TW for reference to sex.
I watched this reel yesterday and was horrified by the question asked, by a man, about how the Council was proposing to ensure that 600 men’s “sexual needs” were managed.
https://www.facebook.com/share/v/189rk7Szaa/?mibextid=wwXIfr
I mean, I suppose it was very (to a man) delicately put, but what appalled me was that nobody seemed to be pointing out that the word “needs” indicates a requirement/entitlement for men to have their desires/urges fulfilled by someone else.
I asked my DP if he could see what was wrong with the question, but he couldn’t see past the fact that the man was bringing up a valid point, in that 600 extra men might cause problems in a small town.
He simply couldn’t understand why I was so appalled at the overall casual acceptance of the term “men’s sexual needs” at all.
So, MN, please tell me one way or the other:
YABU - men do have a right to have their “needs” fulfilled
YANBU - they are “urges/desires” and there should not be any rights invoked for these

I’ve just read a BBC article about research into weight loss injections like Ozempic and Wegovy showing that people who stop taking them tend to regain weight quite quickly.

I’m not shocked that weight comes back. That happens after most weight loss attempts whether they involve medication or not.

These drugs are increasingly talked about as something people might take for years or even indefinitely. That raises questions for me about what happens when someone cannot afford them anymore, when supply changes, when side effects become an issue or when a person simply does not want to stay on a medication for life.

If stopping leads not just to regain but to a fairly rapid rebound, it feels less like a temporary aid and more like something that is very hard to step away from once started. That sits oddly with how casually they are sometimes discussed.

AIBU to think the real issue here is not that people regain weight after stopping, but whether we are quietly normalising a treatment that may be difficult to discontinue once begun? Or is this simply the reality of managing a chronic condition?

Recently bought a M&S air yarn V neck jumper & after just wearing it out for a pub lunch the other day (maybe 2 hours max, not yet washed) the front is all bobbled.

I’m really baffled about how this happened - I was definitely not writhing around on my front! I suppose I might have leant against the bar for a couple of minutes when ordering a glass of wine, but that’s all.

I can only conclude these M&S air yarn jumpers are appalling quality. Shame as it looked nice. Has anyone else found this?

I'm 39 and ended up buying a few tshirts and jumpers from Cotton Traders recently. Just basics in the sale, in colours that I know suit me.

Was commenting to a friend a few years younger than me and she seemed horrified, saying that's clothing for over 50s.

I'm not really into fashion or fancy brands and am quite practical about clothing. CT just seemed like a good choice for wardrobe basics for running errands or working from home.

Are they going to make me look like I'm in my 50s? Have I committed a terrible fashion faux pas?

Late 30s is hard with clothing. I can't really do the PLT and Fashion Nova stuff I was wearing 10 years ago so I just default to simple basic jeans and tshirts.

I’m looking for a bathrobe/dressing gown. I’d like it to be double layer,, ideally with towelling inside, but the outside to be cotton or quilted type material. I don’t want a big fluffy thing that’s all sweaty, or waffle. Basically something like this

www.laredoute.co.uk/ppdp/prod-351009802.aspx#searchkeyword=bathrobe%20&shoppingtool=search

Move is imminent. I’ve been through a long divorce (that has dragged on an eternity) and had to put the family home (4 bed detached) on the market. Kids are over 18 and at university so the house just has me in it. Too big and it was pushing my budget a bit and I didn’t want to struggle so I’ve purchased another house (3 bed in a new estate). I’d had an offer accepted on another house but the seller pulled out and I felt under pressure to find another quickly as there were 4 other houses in the chain waiting on me.

I have started to realise I could’ve probably bought out my ex. We were mortgage free but I have had to take a mortgage out for £95k for my new home. I’d have needed probably another £50k to buy out the family home. The family home is a big house and big garden - I work FT and found it all a bit much.

I’ve driven to the other house a few times and I’m now dreading it. I’m starting to pick at the estate and the house. It’s lovely inside but I just feel that the house is on a cramped estate and I like to see a bit of greenery. I’m having serious jitters and wish I’d gone for the family home instead and tried to make it work. The kids are both sad.

I will move in as everyone else is waiting on me and the completion date has been set. Would it be crazy of me to sell up in 6 months if I don’t like it?

Big white van was parked where the green dots are. I was parked where the red dots were.

I was trying to reverse but I couldn't. Van driver moved a little but then said I had enough room to get out. I honestly don't know if I'm just a bad driver or I needed that much space. He ended up moving and I got out.

Ok so DP and me have been arguing for at least 3 months about his schedule. He’s got numerous hobbies and is always taking up new hobbies without any consideration for his family or me.

ive told him I need at least some time together as a couple that’s not just watching Netflix when he finishes his activities for the day or sex.

This ends in rows about how he wants to live his life, he lives with me so time is spent eating together, sleeping together…

he’s got 3 main hobbies, and has just picked up a fourth. There’s not one day he’s not doing anything hobby related.

I do yoga at 6am on Mondays and thursdays so I’m back in time for school run and then work. I go running on Saturday evenings (if he’s not decided he’s doing something else). I see my friends regularly. I’m not exactly just sitting waiting around for him.

He’s recently decided he’s rejoining a rugby club. I’ve asked how he’s going to fit this in with his other hobbies, he said he’ll make it work.

What he’s done this week:

Monday: did running club until 8pm. Came back, played on his video games until 11pm

Tuesday: did climbing at local depot with his brother until 10pm

Wednesday: Rugby “training” 7-9pm. Back home around 10 after going for a drink. Back on video games until midnight

Thursday: Arranged to go to a VR simulation experience with his brother and friends. Back home around 1am.

Friday: watched a movie alone in his gaming room. Reluctantly watched a movie with me. Brother came over for 3 hours and they sit and chatted in the kitchen.

todays our first day in 12 months that it’s just us 2, DS (7) has gone with my brother and his wife and kids to an adventure place in the midlands. They left around 9 and (all being well and if he wants to still do this) DS is sleeping over at their house.

DP said he was going to “plan a day for us”. Well I get up, get ready and come down to see him putting on his climbing gear. Ask where he’s going, said he’s going to the open climb for advanced climbers this morning. I asked him why he said he wasn’t going yesterday and he said he needed to go today as there’s a coach (does climbing have coaches?) there who’s really good and it’ll help him a lot. I ask what time he’s back. Says he doesn’t know, but “before 230”.

Tomorrow he’s out 8-2 again because he’s going to do a hike with his running club.

im exhausted trying to make this work. Maybe we’re not compatible? I honestly feel at times he’s making my life worse because his activities means he’s usually getting into bed 12/1/2 and it’s affecting my sleep. Obviously he also wants sex during these hours but I don’t feel the closeness to even enjoy that with him. I honestly feel like a handmaiden waiting for his schedule and honestly his attention.

aibu to just make my own plans today? My sister has called and asked me to go for a coffee. I know DP will start an argument if I do that, because of today’s “plan”. But I’ve no idea when he’s back and I’m sick of waiting around like a lap dog

Anyone else let their young teens watch Bridgerton with them?

Mine is 13, I’d be kidding myself to pretend she doesn’t know about sex.

She begged me to let her watch the new series as she saw the trailer and it looked so Cinderella-like and she adores history and the costumes. I originally said no as it’s too sexual.

However she works so hard, and we found out this week that she’d won an amazing award through school, and I just thought she’s old enough to work as hard as she does (highly pressured academic school in which she’s thriving - as well as highly achieving in her sport at a national level), more mature than many adults I know, so surely watching it with me there to ensure she knows what’s normal life and what isn’t. How is it any worse than her watching Stranger Things. After all it’s very likely one day she’ll fall in love and have sex - and yet I worry more about her seeing that than seeing violence.

So we’ve both been totally entranced together watching the new episodes. I laugh when she cringes and covers her face during the steamy parts or when I say “he’s got a nice bum”. To have had a couple of hours together last night smiling and keeping everything crossed for a happy ending. It’s been lovely. (Not watched all 4 yet so no spoilers)

I’m awaiting a ton of “you’re a terrible mum” replies. But hoping to be surprised by a couple of people who are in agreement.

This is something that I see time and again on this site, and it is SO WEIRD. People seem to think that it is the height of luxury to have a housecleaner, and also seem to be strangely apologetic about it, offering disclaimers as to why they need one. Also, I've noticed that on threads when someone has a problem with their cleaning service, they will get several posts telling them to 'clean their own house'. Nobody would tell someone to 'service their own boiler' or 'fix their own toilet'! I don't understand it at all. I have a cleaner and I wouldn't be without her.

We viewed a house last week that we really like. We did notice that almost every room had a plug in portable heater of some kind. They weren’t switched on though. The house has central heating and lots of new looking radiators, the central heating was on and the house felt lovely and warm while we were there. But my husband is worried that the portable heaters being there is a bad sign, that there must be something wrong with the boiler, or the house has got damp or something . We were told that the owners don’t live there full time.