My wife keeps losing her wedding ring at the bar lol! She’d lose her damn head if it wasn’t screwed on 🤣🤣🤣
William Angus
23 posts
- Just executed a flawless Clog & Jog (Clog toilet -> demand a different hotel room)
- Nickelodeon should do a stream for the presidential debates like they do for the NFL. If I’m gonna follow along, I need SpongeBob & Patrick to explain to me what a Two-State solution is
- Had to rush my dog to the vet this morning. I don’t know what’s wrong with her but her poop tastes really weird
- My email with my full name that I’ve had since 13 is unusable. It is a rotting carcass filled with maggots. 100 emails a day about god knows what. Someone from Iran logs into it once a week and changes the password. It’s time to pull the plug
- Business Idea: A bar of soap that’s 7x bigger than a normal bar so you only have to wash your hands once a week
- To the people that think it’s “hilarious” to piss and poop all over the toilet seats at the bar: guys like me have to wipe up with our bare hands and rub it on our tummies. Grow up.
- I’m gonna be the uncle that asks to hold the new born baby and they say “uhhh she’s actually really tired right now”
- Oh I was a “burden to my family,” huh? Ok hot shot, then why did my parents say if it wasn’t for me they would’ve gotten divorced way sooner?
- I am rage incarnate (my tummy hurts)
- Cops in horror movies are useless Woman: please officer help Cop: it’s probably just old pipes in your house ma’am Woman: my daughter was skinned alive in her room Cop: probably a draft from the open window. Ma’am, don’t call again unless you’re in real danger
