Glasses

...you walk into the shower with your glasses on and don't even notice until they fog up.  Twice.  In one week.

Fast Food

...you hit up not one, not two, but three different fast food places to get yourself the "perfect dinner".

Legs

...you have more scars on your legs from shaving accidents than you do hair follicles.  

Stairs

...while attempting to help a young deaf/blind girl maneuver her way down a flight of stairs, you, yourself fell all the way down them as she maintained her grip on the railing.

Flying

...two weeks after getting your license you accidentally used your car's front bumper to help a 6th grader learn how to fly.  (Don't worry, he stood up and walked away uninjured...and hopefully he uses crosswalks now!)

Convenient

...your boobs double as a table multiple times daily.

Poop

...you can honestly say that somehow the subject of poop has casually come up in conversation at least once a day, every day, for the past five years.  (Proctologists and Gastroenterologists are exempt)

Fruit

...at the age of 45 you pronounce the word "papaya", "Papa-YAW" because you are apparently seeing and reading this word for the first time.

Messy

...you call your cat a 'bitch' for 'purposely' making a mess of her food on the kitchen floor after you had spent 6 hours scrubbing it the day before.

Falling

...you verbalize how grateful you are that your breasts are so big that they 'take the heat' and protect your face from harm every time you trip and fall.

Eggs

...you sing and dance to "Fried or Fertilized" by Yung Humma while getting ready for work.  Two days in a row.

Tire

...you hit a curb & pop your tire because you were dancing too hard to the Britney Spears song on the radio.

Gas

...you spent 3 years not listening to the radio in your car just to save gas.