Loving me for Me.

These few days i've been feeling really useless because there hasn't been any progression in my life. This is no excuse for me having taken no initiative to make it interesting. Yet, lesson learnt ; history repeats. That is why, today, I made change. Eventhough only slightly, but still, that slightness have made me feel that i am so much more capable of the bigger self in me. Starting 4 months later than everyone else is sad, and yes, admitting that the feeling of being left behind sucks, but i know that a blue sky awaits my presence. Yet at the same time, i do wish those who are ahead, will stop too at times, to think of me. Thus, this song explains all. ENJOY~* ^_^

蓝天 : 黃義達
Blue Sky Huang Yi Da

想起那天原来是无云无风
Xiang qi na tian yuan lai shi wu yun wu feng
但你抬头看着天说你想飞 , 晴朗天气突然刮龙卷风
Dan ni tai tou kan zhe tian shuo ni xiang fei qing lang tian qi tu ran gua long quan feng

一刹那 , 全世界都在改变
Yi cha na quan shi jie dou zai gai bian
回忆起我们俩 , 快乐的从前 , 像一场梦
Hui yi qi wo men liang kuai le de cong qian xiang yi chang meng

我的爱 , 你是片云 , 不要害怕～
Wo de ai ni shi pian yun bu yao hai pa
去寻找全新的自己
Qu xun zhao quan xin de zi ji

海阔天空 , 无拘无束新世界
Hai kuo tian kong wu ju wu shu xin shi jie

也许你就要遇到雷雨闪电的暴风圈
Ye xu ni jiu yao yu dao lei yu shan dian de bao feng quan
也许就要遇到乌云密布灰色阴天
Ye xu jiu yao yu dao wu yun mi bu hui se yin tian

冻的像冰霜 , 北国下雪天 , 停下脚步想想我
Dong de xiang bing shuang bei guo xia xue tian ting xia jiao bu xiang xiang wo

也许你就要遇到泪流不止的风沙天
Ye xu ni jiu yao yu dao lei liu bu zhi de feng sha tian
也许以后天气预报不会再有晴天
Ye xu yi hou tian qi yu bao bu hui zai you qing tian
也许到最后 , 终点是蓝天
Ye xu dao zui hou zhong dian shi lan tian

也许幻影一刹那成为泡沫
Ye xu huan ying yi cha na cheng wei pao mo
勇敢追求想爱的 , 不能算错 , 我亲爱的
Yong gan zui qiu xiang ai de bu neng suan zuo wo qing ai de

如果你是云 , 爱情就是风
Ru guo ni shi yun ai qing jiu shi feng
风给你自由 , 也会给你痛
Feng gei ni zi you ye hui gei ni tong
蓝天疼惜你 , 也给你包容
Lan tian teng xi ni ye gei ni bao rong
忘了那些痛 , 就让一切归零, 就让一切归零 , 就让那一切归零
Wang le na xia tong jiu rang yi qie gui ling jiu rang yi qie gui ling jiu rang na yi qie gui ling

TRANSLATION ~ * : )

Blue Sky

Thinking back to that day
There was not any cloud nor wind
When you raised your head, stared at the sky and told me that you want to fly
The bright clear sky suddenly turned stormy

All of the sudden, this whole world changed
All the happy memories we shared seem like a dream
My love, you are a piece of cloud
Fear not, go find your brand new self

In that new world, the ocean is wide and the sky is limitless
Maybe you will encounter circles of lightning and thunderstorm
Maybe you will encounter that dense, gray sky
Cold as the frost of the northern country snowy days
When you stop a while, please think of me

Maybe you will encounter that constant windy, sandy and teary day
Maybe later on, the weather forecast shows clear day no more
Maybe at the end, that last terminal is the blue sky
Maybe this illusion will soon vanish
Be brave in pursuing what you long for
Do not miscalculate, my dear

If you are the cloud, then love is the wind
Wind gives you freedom, yet it also gives you pain
The blue sky brings you ache and regret, yet it also gives you forgiveness
Once you forget all that pain, just let everything starts from scratch


Hold it In, and Smile On :D

Why is Valentine's Day such a special day? Especially for couples and lovebirds around the world? Theres actually a beautiful, true story behind this day. One that is heartfelt and touching, one's love that has moved and earned the love of others, one that has been constantly reminding people to love one another. Have you heard this story before? No? I share... : )

Valentine, was actually, Saint Valentine. As a priest in the third century in Rome, Saint Valentine was truly a saint, in love and in friendship. In Rome at that time, wars were a common thing as its rulers were cruel and domineering, always fighting to conquer, for more land, more power. Rome's king at that time, the renown Emperor Claudius II, was no less reputed for his malevolence and power hungry ambitions. The people feared him, and were reluctant to join his army.

Knowing that the men would not leave their loved ones and families to volunteer in his army, Claudius banned all engagements and marriages in Rome. The people hated this, and many still vouched for their love by secretly getting married. Saint Valentine was the very person who would perform these ceremonies in discreet, despite knowing that he was risking his own life doing it, for love. And because of him, many many couples were able to be united and blessed in holy matrimony.

One day, he was caught! The bride and groom managed to escape but he did not. Saint Valentine was then thrown into jail and was sentenced to death.

During his time in jail, many people came to visit him. Many threw notes and flowers into his cell too, in hopes of expressing their gratitude and appreciation to him, and for what he has done. And also to show him that they too believed in love.

One of them was a prison guard's daughter, who visited him often. They would sit and talk for hours. She kept his spirits up, and comforted him in more ways than one.

On the day he was to die- February 14th, he wrote his dear friend a little note, thanking her for her friendship and care. At the very bottom, he signed off, "From your Valentine."

So in memory of his powerful act of love, people started traditionalising February 14th, the day he died as HIS day. Lovers started exchanging their love notes, flowers and gifts with one another, while others express their love by sharing their company with friends and people close to their hearts.

And so thus this was how Valentine's Day came about. A remarkable true story of a person who was brave enough to be selfless to love, for himself, and for others.

Great aye? ^_^ I think i'm more in love with Valentine than his day itself! Hahahaha... XD Nonetheless, today was a wonderful day spent with two of my closest friends.

Mid Valley - 7.30 ish. Lining up at the cinema counter, WOAH!! O,O Packed with people, id not specifically duos. X) Fingers crossed, "Oh PLEAASSEE let there be seats for Benjamin Button!! PLEEAASSE!!!" I was desperate! X) Suddenly, announcement.

"Tickets for Slumdog Millionaire, Red Cliff 2, bla bla bla and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button SOLD OUT!"

I was about to cry. When after 3 minutes, the announcement came on again, "Two rows in front of screen remaining for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button!" I was like, "YAAAYYYY!!!!!!!!!!" And almost launched at the person in front of me with excitement! I think people were staring at me up and down like a freak, but heck, i didnt give a damn care as long as i had the chance to get what i wanted! :P

Blackout. A pair of sweaty hands came on to my eyes, i almost shouted. Turn around, Su Zanne!! : ] YESS! I was alone no more. X] Finally reaching the counter, Tila the lady there said it was full but the reserved seats will be available in 10 minutes!! So we stood aside and waited, waited, waited. Then, Nick came! :D Whooppy! Now that we were all encounted for, let the outing, BEGIN! :9

Chatter # chatter # chatter!! 8.13pm, we PLUNGED towards the counter! BOOYAHH!! Three tickets, and we were ready to role! Wooooohuuuuu~ I was psyched! Pure sense of awesomeness overwhelmed me. XD Couldnt help it, told ya i was a sucker for big screens! :D

Anyhuu, where to makan?? Sam was like, "I want Subway!!" I was like,"OK! Lets go! I think they have here! But where??" Then Nick was like,"Haha... Anywhere la... Its fine with me! 0: )" Then suddenly, Sam:"Lets go to Carl's Junior!!" (It was opposite the cinema, next to Mc D's). Shann:"Errr.... OKAY! : D *happy like shit!!*" Then went in, place full! So Sam went DIRECTLY in front of a couple who was near finishing their meal's table! We were like, ONE INCH away from their table and i ALMOST burst out laughing in front of them!! XD!!!! The girl was staring at us O,O while the guy =,=*! It was tight, i found the nearest leeway outta there, errupting into explosions of laughter! Turn my back, she was walking front and back the side aisles, hand held back, head facing downwards like a typical school teacher eyeing her students during an examination! If i didnt know better, i would have thought she was gawking at each and everyone of them like a hawk. I couldnt abandon the giggles! She literally LURCHED towards the first empty table spotted, and exclaimed SO LOUDLY at a guy who was holding his cup, ready to be seated in her new nest! DAMN FUNNY!!! LMFAO XD

So we had dinner, very easy going and pleasant, i really enjoyed their company a whole lotta. We were somewhat complaining about the size of our burgers, especially the bread, which seemed to get eaten faster than the meat instead, which was the essential part of the burger itself. Time flew, and before we knew it, the cinema. : )


The Curious Case of Benjamin Button! Started off pretty astonishing as a woman reading to a dying woman scene filled the screen. Reading a diary, that was where the story began. A man running towards his house, wife just gave birth, shes dying, begging him to promise her to take care of the baby well, he went to the cradle, opened the sheets, gaped at it and freaked out! (I couldnt help but laugh at the sight of the wrinkly baby, i am cold. CX Then, snatched the baby and ran out, attempting to toss the baby into sea, but guard saw and chased him with a whistle! XD!!! Left it at a doorstep, stuffed 18 bucks with it, and left.

Queenie was a loving black lady, who ran an old folks home. She took him in and then there it was, the beginning of life with and of Benjamin.

Queenie, "You never know what comes next in life..."

Benjamin started getting youthful, met Daisy when she was 5. He would never forget her blue eyes.

Anyways, the story was quite interesting i would say. Highly unusual, yet, mind provoking in some way. There were a few comedic parts which was just ballistic! The whole cinema wavered with laughter. Especially this one old man, who kept saying,"Do you know i was struck by lightning 7 times?" Then old black and white flashbacks of him getting struck by lightning under different circumstances would play, and everyone could not hold back their laughter. Overall, slightly sad, yet an enjoyable experience.

The movie lasted longer than expected. We were done at 11.35pm. So we made our way out. The mall was almost deserted by the time we came out. Only those who were catching the late night movies were outside waiting.

As we were making our way out to the south court exit, we came across a REALLY CUTE swatch+ lorry looking vehicle! It was so low and short! As if it were made for dwarfs! So, in an instance, SNAP SNAP SNAP!! Fooling around without care of on lookers! We were having fun in front of the wheel, the side... Hahaha... Pure childish fun! :D


My Valentine's night ended with warm hugs from two people i love and adore as my 12pm sharp carriage in-red came for me.

I was really happy i had spent today with close friends, instead of sitting at home alone. I was never really a V-day celebrator, yet this year was splendidly well spent, more meaningful than any exaggerated bouquet of flowers! As what Valentine has taught me, it is a day to be reminded of love, and to be able to share and show it to people you love, is what it truly means.

Hope you guys had a magical day too, if not a romantic one! X)

FIN <333

From the early buzzes of this morning, the hits.fm DJs had already been chattering away about Friday the 13th! Initially, i wasnt too bothered about it, cause im not the superstitious type, and also, because i was still SUPER SLEEPY! But later on, as i was all ready to leave the house with mom for work, did it PAANNG me with an unpleasant and uncomfortable sensation.

We were supposed to leave the house at 8.00am? So I RUSHED! It was already 7.40am when i got my heavy, overly lazy bum out of bed! I slept at 2.30am you see, and i was feeling a bit grouchy! By the time i got downstairs, only dad was to be seen at the dining table. Mom, no where to be found! So i had my fruit juice, and sat on the couch and waited. Still freaking tired!! :S

Finally when all was ready to leave, ALOT of stuff loaded for the apartment, we left the house at 9.10am! FINE. I gradually ZZZZZZZZ in the car.

One and a half hours later...

*YAWWWWNNN* "Where are we??" "Subang Jaya." ''What are we doing here? Arent we supposed to be in Mont Kiara???? O_O" "YEAHLAHH! Traffic is SO BAD! Waited 20MINUTES at the toll but only moved 300m! So had to use this way la!"

FIRST SIGN - BAD TRAFFIC. sigh...

FINALLY reaching our destination, i could tell that my ass was already flat, and my eyes were still burning from lack of sleep! :S

SECOND SIGN - Mom clipped my middle finger when pushing two trolleys(like the supermarket type) into each other! Finger got stuck! Screamed like shit! XD!!!

Despite the bloody DJs reminding EVERYONE that today was an unlucky day, i was determined NOT to succumb to such ridicule! Hmmpphh! I MAKE MY OWN LUCK! So beat it! XP

Everything went smoothly afterwards. We managed to get the apartment looking up and ready to be rented out immediately. And we had plenty time to kill before the viewing. So kau tim everything, 3 something, chiao for home. HOME!!! Was feeling a bit sticky cause of the sweating earlier on, lol all that hard work! XD , i collapsed on the living room couch! Alarm set 5.00pm to wake up, going for Judo at 7.00pm.

*Hurrrgggghhhh.... Chhhiiiiuuuu.... Huurrrrgggghhhh Chhhiiuuuu.....*

Suddenly, my OH SO LOUD phone ringtone blasted its vocals! Si fu on the line. "Shannon, you at home? I'm coming over now." "Oh..."

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Woke up, yack yack yack, then go bom bom. Then dinner. THEN, ME DRIVING TO JUDO!! :D

No screaming mom next to me; only my patient, thoughtful ko ko!

Made it there in ONE PIECE. XD Was super early, so practiced parking! To me, still ALOT to be worked on. But then again, the feeling of being behind the wheel, and TRUSTED, felt GOOOD! : ]

Judo - SUPER TIRING. Jogged continuously for 10minutes straight, then two rounds duck walk, then the usual rolling and bla. Then, Ukemi (meaning breakfall), then Maimari Ukemi(rolling over targets), then Uchikomi(practicing throws with a partner), THROW THROW THROW! No breath, felt nauseated. Then, Randori(FIGHT!)! It felt like 5minutes, already DAMN TIRED. Then JOG SOME MORE!! >.<" But still, "KO! I AM DRIVING!!"

From my house to the Dojo(Judo Club) takes about half an hour cause it is in Kajang, Semenyih. Usually, when i drive, i take like an hour to get there, PROVIDED i dont lose my way! X) Not only is it freaking far, its also one hell of a LONG, STRAIGHT, DARK, NEVER-ENDING road. :S

Specs on,"Here we go!" And off we went, in the dark, time : 11.15pm, long stretch road, 90km/h, arms sore, vision slightly blurred, radio station Capital fm on, which was awesome!! , toll, winding roads, bumps after bumps, then finally,HOME!!!!!

So screw that Friday the 13th shit! All the while when i was driving, thoughts : I'm gonna prove you wrong!! SO EFF OFF!!!

Nice and relaxed, feeling proud and exhausted, this is the day Shannon Xinru Yu SURVIVES Friday the 13th on the road!! No accidents, no NEAR death experiences, only WHOLE LOTTA CONFIDENCE! So BEWARE Fellow Roadrunners! XP

Btw, just realised Valentines Day, the supposed most ''Lovey-dovey" day, falls on the day after Friday the 13th!! How odd is that?!! Although this means nothing to me! LOL Will be having a great day ahead tho!! ^_^

END~*

After an almost sleepless night at my cousin's(coz i slept too much in the afternoon the day before, as mentioned in my earlier blog), i was partially awaken by the thumping bass beats from the opposite room. It was about 10am by the time i finally arose and bathed. By the time i was smelling and looking good, breakfast was already waiting downstairs.
*Yawn*... Curry noodles + Cold milo for breakfast! Yummmms... :D I was stuffed to the top! After much shuffling and hassling , we FINALLY left the house! One-U, here we come!!

11.20am - Cinema area. PACKED with people! Underworld 3 = PG18. Curious Case of Benjamin Button = PG18. :"( !!! Both the movies Jordan and I wanted to watch sooo badly were waaay out of Brandon's age group for us to sneak in! Yes yes, Brandon tagged along. :S In the end, INKHEART, PG13. O_O

The movie was at 1.20pm, and it was still early so we had some time to kill. I decided to take this opportunity to shop for my closet! College was drawing near, and i did not have enough of clothing to last me a semester! XD Regardless of the bad timing (no more CNY sale!!! >.<) , i managed to get myself a few good deals, which made my day an even brighter one! ^_^ And the best thing was, i managed to keep into my budget limit! XD!!!


By the time i was done shopping , and the boys were running out of tokens from the arcade, we were just in time for our movie! : ]

Initially, i had NO IDEA what the movie was about! I thought it was some kid movie, especially because Brendan Fraser was starring in it! Yet, when the movie began, a slightly spooky curious feeling crept into my chest. Later in the movie, i came to know that, Motimer Folchart aka MO, was a silvertongue! Haha! Bet you dont know whats a silver tongue aye? LOL They are people who can read books or stories out loud, and whatever they read, becomes REALITY... *,* Cool lehh? A-hah! XD

Anyways, the storyline was alright, the acting wasnt bad, it was overall, an enjoyable movie. I particularly loved the character, Aunt Elinor, who was SUCH a joker in the show! I quote her telling herself in her deep british accent, "Oh PLEEASE ELINOR! It is EMBARRASSING of you to cry in happy-endings!" XD Utterly ballistic i must say! And Dustfinger, the fire blower? who was accidentally read out aloud from Inkheart, and was taken from his world, separating him from his family. To me, he was a good looking character! With his VERY trusty raccoon with him, it was entertaining to watch him do whatever it takes to get himself back into Inkheart the book, his home.

There were other comedic characters as well! Like Farid, the thief from Ali Baba, who was quite eccentric! Not to mention Capricorn, the villain, starring Andy Serkis who was PERFECT for the role! :D It was truly a surprising discovery to find this movie more enjoyable than expected! So if you have the chance, OR the time, or if you're just sitting on your arse all day at home like me, GO WATCH THIS MOVIE! If not, UNDERWORLD 3!! Or BENJAMIN BUTTON!!! Great movies await you!!!!! :D

+Peace Out+

Today seemed a really short day for me. I slept at 4.30am this morning, and boy, i could have stayed up if i wanted to. Recently, my sleeping pattern has not been consistent. Most
times i sleep at 1.30am(thats the earliest), if not 3am, or worst, past the wee hours of 5.00am in the morning!


So, experience have made the better of my instincts. Day by day, at approximately the same time i was expecting her to blast into my room, my sub-concious mind was waiting. Once, " Creeeek..." I automatically, " I'M AWAKE!!" This happened so often that, my mom finally resigned from her morning duty.

Everyday, i woke up knowing what i had to do for that day. I woke up, with a purpose. Be it prefect's duties, or some unfinished project, my mind was clear and ready the instant my eyes were open. Yet lately, with no job, and nothing much to expect from the day itself, my body channeled myself to be active in the wee hours of the night, when the TV, was nobodys but MINE. XD Bad habit? But whats a girl to do when shes got nothing to do but wait? Sighh.... College is so far away....


Anyways, after the second calling, i finally got my aching body to arise. Swiftly washed my face and brushed my teeth, i was still far too lethargic to shower or bathe. Went straight downstairs to find everyone sitting in front of the tv, i motionlessly slumped into my usual spot on the couch. 7 minutes later, mom said, " We might be going out for brunch! Daddys taking us out for food..." I asked where? She said,"I DUNNO! SOMEWHERE LA UP TO HIM!"

Already used to the harsh tones of the house, i slowly staggered back upstairs to get ready. Knowing that we were gonna leave soon, i did not complete my usual routine which was : picked out clothing > shower > hair dryered hair > face lotion > wax hair > accessorise: earings bla, and finally, perfume. I shortcutted myself. No shower. No wax. No lotion. And still, before all that was done, dad horning *PEEEEEM PEEEEEEEEEM!!!!!*, and mom was pounding on my door! "WE'RE LEAVING NOW AH!"

"I'm coming!!!" i shout back.

Went downstairs, EVERYONE was GONE. I was like, "WTF? FINE! I'll settle my own lunch!"

Devouring my maggie tom yam, i re-watched last night's movies, there was nothing else on worth watching. Zzz... They came back, mom passed me a cup jelly, the soya bean type. I ate it. Dad snatched the remote control, WHATEVER!! Then, choi hui dei dou soh, i went ZZZ on the couch of my second living room.


By the time i woke up, the day was gone, and i thought, "Well, there was nothing better to do anyway."

Grandma and Ah Yee was around playing mahjong with Old Bean. Mom was overlooking. SIEN. Watched somemore tv. Waited for cousins, Jordan and Jorrel to come. They came around 7.15pm? Brought grandpa along. They played CATAN with ko ko, and i watched and watched more tv! How long and boring can one day get?!


Chatted with gong gong for a while, then finally went up to shower. Had dinner mom cooked, and here i am, blogging!

I have just decided to go for a movie with Jordan tomorrow, cause he's on Thaipusam holiday. Packed clothes, teddy in the bag, and offf i go! Brandon tagging along... @,@



I think i could really die if i had to repeat similar days of these throughout the year! I seriously do. Someone prove me wrong, please.

I am glad i gave myself a shot. Yesterday went better than i had expected! Mom hugged and wished me happy birthday after she came back from running an errand in the afternoon. Brandon was actually nice to me throughout the whole day! :O Ko ko was helpful in finding our dinner venue! He went online to check okayhh... :D And dad actually seemed really excited about dinner! Enthusiastic is the word! ^_^

By 6.30pm, we were all dressed real nice and looked great in our sportscar on the way to Pavillion. Thankfully, we missed the jam! My second time entering such a prestigious shopping heaven, i didnt think we under-dressed at all! Heels and all.. LOL! Anyways, our destination > CARL'S JR. was waiting for us in open arms! XD Dad ordered a large Portobello Mushroom Burger as ko ko ordered a medium sized one too. Mom ordered a Low Carb Burger while Brandon and i enjoyed our BBQ Chicken burger and my chili fries which was AWESOME! X) Dad was so excited with the free drink refills that he even concocted a coke + 100 plus + sprite dilemma! The rest of us just enjoyed staring at him enjoy. XP It was quite an unusual experience having 2 grown adults dressed up for a ball, munching their way into their burgers with their fingers! Dad said there wasnt gonna be a second for him, but i'm glad he had his first because of me. :9

After I settled the bill (RM136.45) O_O, we decided to go on a stroll in the big scary supermart! We walked into several jewellery and furniture shops as well as a Jaguar car showroom. (Dont ask me how we ended up there!) When we felt that most of our food in our tummies have digested, home we went.

I thought that would be the end of it! But noooo... The rituals had not been performed! XD The cake appeared in a Secret Recipe box, which my mother brought out from the kitchen. Dad's + Brandon's combined present was on the table, while Brandon brought out this HUGE heavy book! LOL! Understanding Jewellery, the bible for all jewellery designers! Vahhh.... :O

" Happy 18th Birthday Darling~" says the Raspberry Yogurt Cake.

*Dad thought it wrote DarKLING instead of Darling and pronounced it as DUCKLING! LOL!! Forgive his eyes!*

After a very off-tuned Happy Birthday song, i happily made more than one wish, and blew out the candles and sliced the cake. Immediately after that, i was insisted upon opening my present! The card wrote, " Happy Birthday Shannon, I love you as my sister! " At the bottom, DAD TOO! I couldnt help but laugh at the card!! XD!!!

ESPRIT Life. Not the correct bottle of perfume i had wanted, but at least the same brand, i thought. The bible, love it. Oh oh, and i forgot to mention the huge long roll of tracing paper and charcoal pencil ko ko also gave me the night before! According to him, and history apparently, ALL designers have at least owned one of each of those items in their lives! Wooaahh....

Later, randomly, ko ko brought out his bruce lee samfu for daddy to see. The frenzy started with Brandon wearing the oversized piece and pretending to be bruce lee himself! Punching, kicking, huu huu haa haa and all. Then, DADDY started going crazy and he put it on! Then he and Brandon started having a "Bruce Yu" and "Brandon Lee" father and son battle, which of course, ended with a white underwear in the air by daddy! Hahaha.... Burst of siaowness! Sorry, it runs in the family! CX

Anwayays, sifu and simou came over afterwards too to chat and have cake. And that was how i ended my 18th Birthday night, SATISFIED if not HAPPY at the very least. ^_^ <3

Today seemed like a more significant day compared to those of the others. Counting down as per now, there is officially ONE more remaining day before i turn 18! And you know what? I am actually pretty positive about it this time around.

For those who dont know me, or those who know me but don't know this about me, I have always despised my birthday, DREADED it, and have made many hard attempts to ignore it since my 15th birthday.

On the very day of my 15th Birthday, i came to realize that the day of my birthday itself was not important. My parents + my younger brother(who is oblivious to almost everything that is happening) have never really remembered my birthday. Yes yes like most kids, when we were young, 4 / 5, our parents did make a BIG deal out of it, but what is there to expect in 10 years time? A whole lotta disappointment.

My 13th birthday was great. If my memory does not fail me, i remember having celebrated it at my ex. class teacher's house- Ms. Lee, with many of my primary friends. That year, my birthday coincidentally landed on one of the Chinese New Year dates. And so, mom thoughtfully bought a Tiramisu cake for all of us to have. It was nice... The cake tasted good, the company was great(mostly because we were a bunch of hyper active chinese kids who had good, innocent fun with ANYTHING we could get our hands on), but most of all, I was happy. : ]

My 14th birthday came as a partial surprise to me. At 12.01am sharp that night, i had an unexpected visit from my elder bro, Warren, who came knocking on my door. The half asleep me was still limboing in my fantasies when he sat at the end of my bed and popped a Giordano plastic bag to me. "Happy Birthday Girl!" I was so surprised that i choked on my yawn. Opened it, viola! My very FIRST branded clothing! A black and white coloured cardigan!! I hugged him so tight! ^_^ Besides that, my at that time group of secondary mates, who were good friends with me, bought me and my at that time close friend, whose birthday is coincidentally a day before mine, a cake and celebrated together after school! [What did you expect? A car? LOL Birthday cakes are a cliche but then again, birthdays are celebrated for the same reasons too! XD] Anyways, i remember having a blast with that cake as we ended up tossing it at each other in the school's canteen, where the cream did manage to ruin our hairs not to mention screwed up our faces too with its high oil content! XP It was a great deal of fun i must add, considering we managed to pay the janitors a little bit of cash to help us clean up the place before we landed our arses in the principal's office! X] Presents, although usually important on most peoples' birthdays, however, is not considered the climax of mine. Nonetheless, i remembered clearly how hard i was praying in gratitude for the ones i have received, before opening each one with a smile.

Then comes my 15th birthday. By this time, i had already transfered to another school. And shocking to say, i found it treating me unbearably difficult and unkind. People there were very different from the previous ones i've known. They were more arrogant, more snobbish and did not accept new-comers in open embraces. I struggled with this transition for a long long time. Needless to say, my existence was of no interest to those around me, and no, there was no surprise tiramisu cakes nor were there any warm smiles or touching wishes. Already lonely and depressed, i did not find any hints of acknowledgment for this supposed "special" day from anyone at home either. Mom and dad had no clue, neither did my blur headed younger brother! Only my eldest brother remembered. Even so, nothing was prepared. I was so saddened by this that, i went straight upstairs after dinner to my room and stayed there. After lots of prompting about two hours later, my brother "hoisted" me downstairs. Turns out, dad went out to get me a Chocolate Banana cake from Secret Recipe. Candles blown, cake eaten, but the mood was no longer there...

16th birthdays were supposed to be sweet. Mine wasn't at all. In fact, it was the opposite. My close friend and i had already decided 2 months in advance that we would celebrate our birthdays together as hers was a day before mine. Maybe because at that time we no longer studied at the same school anymore, we rarely met up but our friendship was still going strong. When the day came, i was excited beyond all reason. We were to celebrate our birthdays at her apartment as she offered, where there was a pool available and a huge enough space for dancing.
In the beginning, it was a hassle! Guests were arriving, some i did not know, but the host was too preoccupied to be found! So in full efforts, i attempted to warmly welcome them and did my best to introduce the many different cliques to one another, hoping to occupy them before the host came back from picking up more people from the LRT station.

When almost everyone had arrived, the party was still NOT in full blast. People kept to their cliques, here and there you could see that they were hesitating to move towards the food table. So, i got a few friends and myself to start the move. Soon, the eating and music began. After dinner, there was the cutting of the birthday cake ritual. Two cakes were brought out. One was for her younger brother, whose birthday just passed a week ago. So we sang for him. The other, was for her, ALONE. Only at that moment did i realize that, not only did she not tell everyone else that it was my birthday the following day, but that the whole party was meant for her brother and herself only. I was crushed.

She was busy busy busy. Entertaining her guests, my pet brothers and myself did our best to help out as much as we could. People started throwing cakes at each other and pushing one another in the pool. Very soon, the whole place was a mess. I must say i felt it was fun to push people into the pool that night. Only later did i realize it was fun because it was a form of venting. The place was covered in cream and layers of half eaten cake. Pet bros' and myself went down on our knees literally, scraping off all the cream that was stuck in between the gaps of the playground, picking up the remaining of the peanut shells someone had conveniently left behind, and cleaning up the shattered drink glasses on the floor. While all this was happening, the host was busy taking pictures with everyone else. I tolerated, thinking that tonight was her night. She deserved to have a good time.

I was to sleepover at her place after the party as she insisted. I was the only one. When everyone was gone and we were cleaned up and comfortably in our PJs, she decided to unwrap all her presents, in my presence. That was fine. But what caused me to feel so unappreciated and neglected, was that as she opened them, and found that a few were teddy bears, she complained that there were sooo many bears that year, and wondered out loud why most of her friends gave that to her.

When i went home after having dim sum for breakfast with her mom and brothers, i collapsed on my own bed. Because i was exhausted and also because i was deeply hurt and disappointed. My birthday was neglected. A celebration that was supposed to be for both of us ended up being for one. Besides that, throughout the whole night, i did not even get a solo picture with her. She was having a blast; i was hiding my pain. And so ended my "sweetest" 16th birthday in the hands of my then, best friend. I came to forgive her half a year later. Even so, what was done had already caused damage.


My 17th birthday was somewhat of a last minute spur and also a sweet surprise from a board of people. A surprisingly HUGE bouquet of fresh flowers were sent to my doorstep. Shocked, i suspected the delivery was for the wrong house. Card open- From your loving Prefect's Board! Instantly, :'')! Soooo touched! I've NEVER received a bouquet of flowers before! It was my FIRST. How thoughtful of all of them! ^_^ Besides that, two of my highschool friends, Diana and Mandy decided we should go out and celebrate. I was at Diana's house in the evening hanging out. So off we went to Khaki Corner, a cafe? near their houses(they lived 5 minutes away from each other X]). On the way, they decided to invite one of our other classmate, Lisa who was a cool Korean to join us. Working with the clothes i brought to change after bathing in her house, Diana decided we would go out looking like twins! XD SO... I wore green, she wore a REALLY SIMILAR green top! Don't ask me where she got that! She has her ways... LOL. Anyhuu, it was drizzling by the time we got ready to leave the house. Despite the really short distance from the house to the cafe, we took a taxi! XD Sitting indoors, we were jittering in the cold air conditioned cafe. There was a live band that night, more like a two-some to be particular. It was ok. We each ordered our own chicken chop and lamb chops, while chatting away about school. Towards the end of the meal, Mandy requested the "band" to play and sing the birthday song! It was obvious what they prepared for me, i pretended to know nothing of it. X)!! Secretly, i felt it was sweet and thoughtful of them, although slightly embarrassed when everyone in the cafe started to stare at the four crazy girls, lol. All in all, it wasn't too bad. I know as evil as this sounds, but while all this was happening, i couldn't help myself from wishing i could've spend these moments with people whom i cared about more... Like my 8 years best friend Su Zanne for instance, or my brother... Or my family... But all did not come true.



SOOOO THIS YEAR, i decided to change my own fate!

During these few days before my official birthday, i was awfully weary and dreaded the coming day itself. I had mood swings(partly because i was pmsing as well) and was impatient with everyone. Blame me for all you like, but i really despise my birthday. I blame all the bad experiences, as well as my forgetful parents, who in their defense, claims that birthdays are just like any other normal day, insignificant and a waste of money. The theory only applies to the rest of the 361 days in the year, when its not Mother's/ Father's Day, or their own birthday. Call me a sadistic, but if you noticed, what other day in the year besides your own birthday is especially for you and is worth celebrating for, if you're not a mom/dad, or a teacher or a pet!

This year, I decide my own fate. Initially, my group of primary friends had invited me out to Maluri to have steamboat dinner with them. Their excuse was that to gather for discussing our visit to our primary teacher's house this cny, and also to lou sang. Deep down i knew what they were brewing. Nonetheless, i was nice enough to pretend not to know, as always. : D

I had decided to go with them when i found out that my parents were once again oblivious to the occasion. Already moody, i arrogantly ignored my brother's teasing when he asked me what special day was thursday. I hinted to my parents by asking them if they had any plans for thursday night, apparently not. Almost already about to confirm with my primary friends, i suddenly decided, NO, i will not endure the same cruel fate. I shall and will decide WHAT I WANT this year!

"Dinner on ME thursday night! (literally) All of YOU have an appointment, so cancel ALL your other plans!" , i said authoritically to the people in the house.

ATLAS, my decision is FINAL. This year would be MY 18th! I refuse to be insignificant! I refuse to be depreciated! And so, CARL'S JUNIOR IT IS Thursday night! My BIGGEST present to myself! ; )