No Stopping Now.

Wooohhhhh........!!
Cant believe everything has happened so fast!!
One minute, i'm packing my stuff to go to China,
Next thing i know, i'm back on Christmas Eve
And totally UNready for what is to happen next!! @,@

You wouldnt believe how massively turbulent these few days have been.
The 7 days in China was good, despite the fact that i experienced
something like a face botox after i came back!! XD
It was because of the dryness!!
Omg... Everyday the temperature ranged from -1 to -10 degrees.
Talking about freezing my nose off!! It literally, almost happened. ROFL!!

Anyway, can you believe it??!!
I freaking put on TWO kg in 7 days!!
Urgghhhh!! So much for slaving myself during assignment month
Just to lose all that glycerol!! :''6 LMAO!!
Everyday was rice rice rice, and empty pastry dumplings!!
Not to mention the two very huge Sprite and Coke drinks available!!
Wakakaka... But at least to sum it all up, it was kinda fun!!
Reason?? Cause there was... SNOW!! ^_^
Who could resist that? :D

Its just the travel time was a killer too.
Spending 2 days actually getting there and back,
Got us all exhausted to the core.
Seven to eight ours including transit can really drive you deranged.
But oh well, we did manage to get our arses back before midnight!!
Before Christmas!! : ]

The crazy thing about life is,
That you could never always expect something to happen.
Or, NOT to happen.
Christmas was a bitch this year.
Who would have thought wanting to do something good,
Could potentially cause more wrong to happen?

I only wanted to fix my phone, it died after coming off the plane.
I had it sorted. Everything was fine i thought, it was just rain.
I sent her home, it was my first time.
Yet at that very junction, it had to happen.
I was sooo careful. I was sooo certain. And i went sooo slow!!
Why why why??!! Why did it have to occur??
Why was it destined to happen, even if i was sooo vigilant?
I almost wrecked my brains out trying to figure out why!!

But there is no undoing that can be done.
Accidents aren't choices. They never are.
They are fate we must deal and move on with.
And so, i had to cancel my trip to Melaka with my primary friends.
The long awaited, 3 month planned ahead trip!!
Sigh... All a crushed up nothingness. : [

Police report this, bribe this for that!!
Claiming insurance was a hassle too.
Seems like a never ending nightmare.
I shiver still at the touch of the wheel,
The sight of an oncoming car...

But the future knows no fear, and so must we!!
Hurtful words are a spur of a moment cut,
The wounds would eventually heal.
Christmas night still had to go on!!
And besides, i was hungry!! X]

Despite all that drama, the following days were better.
The deadly-duo (aka my parents) actually allowed me
out for dinner with my primary friends!!
I was over-joyed!!
Look at what that night turned out to be!! :D

ImageUs the girls, waiting for the guys to set up. ^_^
But we didnt just sit around doing nothing!! XD

ImageSee!! I helped too!! :D

ImageLOLS We took 2 hours? to get the charcoal burning!! XD
It was BLOODY HOT!! Wakakaka!! :D

ImageFinally, there was some food!! ^_^
We did our own shopping that day!!
There was: Ham + Bacon, LOTS of prawns, Sausages!!,
Cheese Nuggets, Pork-Meat Balls, Bread, Sotong
And 8 Bottles of Soft Drinks!! :D

ImageIt was a beautiful night!! ; ]
And there was this story about the RED-Bucket!! XD
Shhhhh shhhhh...... LMAO!!

ImageWe even got to witness a fight of the pigs at the padang!!
Damn were we nervous!! XP The police came too!! @,@
But we survived long enough to take this pretty picture!! :D

Image
We decided, the night was young!!
So we CAMWHORED even MORE!! :P

ImageAnd this is US.
Only with US could we be this whacky and original. : )
I always miss you guys more than i realize i do!!

ImageCan't wait for our next trip!!
Then will we rock your socks off even more!! ^,^W

ImageOn the way back...
Farewells are usually bitter right?
Ours... Was SWEET. ^_^

Thank you guys!!
It was a wonderful evening!! :D
Thank you for being so helpful and caring...
I really love you all....

ex-oh-ex-oh

Posted by zinrue

Tuesday, December 29, 2009 at 1:18 AM , 2 Comments Image

The Past Then. The Change Now.

Part of her doesn't want to grow up.
Part of her desperately wants to.
This contradiction haunts her.
It never seems to ever go away.

As the year comes close to its end,
I always start to think of what i've done this still-passing year.
Where has life taken me to?
Have i done what i'd set out to do?

Interestingly enough, i am still quite alive. :D
University life has proven to be FAR more worth living for than highschool.
I wouldn't say this without having my reasons.
It is still so clear to me now how reality can shun away a person,
Causing them to lose their once happy self, full of self-knowing and courage.

Its as if a shield was put in place as an armour,
True exposure would lead to instant death.
That was how i had to live, for 2 years if not more.
And boy! Did that have a long-lasting effect! #,#

So begins my never-told-before story...
It was an arduous struggle.
I had to search deep deep within to find myself back!
The true, real me.
The one who needn't put on a fake smile and fake laughter everyday,
Wishing and wishing that the bell would ring sooner!
The one who needn't always have to pretend they were someone they're not!
And to pretend they didn't know who everyone REALLY were.
It was all a filthy act! One that should never NEVER see light!
It had become a hunt for myself after wondering in darkness for such a long time.
It was grueling, and i was far more than exhausted.

That finally came to an end.
I was officially rid of such idiocracy and suffering.
As if 3 years weren't enough! I hated the then me.
Less than 5 fingers could define true friendship there.
I felt like a single black grain, in that of million white grains in a brown sack.
Except that i wasn't actually the rotten one.
I felt quite alone... 2000 people were buzzing around me constantly!
But still, I was alone.

The new life... Redemption time!!
I had 9 months to kill before my life had started over again.
Adapting to the sudden transition had got me to lose my bearings.
Yet, it was only then did i feel less lost in a long, long time.
Irony, no? I was stunned for what seemed like eternity.

Working job after job, i kept myself occupied.
First for WWF- World Wild-Life Fund,
Where we had to get people to subscribe to monthly donations.
That didn't last long. It was clear people cared less about animals,
Especially during that time where recession was peak.
I wouldn't blame them. : )

Then, i had this one day hook-up with Nickelodeon!
There i enjoyed spending the whole day dressing up kids as Avatar characters!!
Hell yeah it was fun!! Though it was exhausting!! XD
It was then too did i realise what true abilities i had.
I was really good with people. : ]

The agent who got the Nick job offered me more work.
Thus starts my journey as a Bencoolen promoter. :D
Like, wtf is Bencoolen right?
Well peeps, i'm not shy to say,
Bencoolen was a NEW company selling virgin coconut products. ^_^
Hand & Body Lotions to Shampoo and Lip Gloss,
These products are made locally and are quite fab! :9

My first day was at Mid-Valley.
Wow was i nervous! Not only about the job!
But also, the PLACE. @,@
Damn shiate yeah, i got lost!! XD!!
Anyway, the first day got me boiling for the next!
I only made Rm500+ worth of sales!!
Which wasn't as good as i had expected! :P

No training was provided.
I was expected to OBSERVE and LEARN. And so i did! ^_^
A week later, i was scoring Rm800-Rm1000 sales/day!!
Hohoho... Was i happy!! : )
Achievement don't come easily, does it?

So then i continued to work for about 3 months!
And on my last month, i had become
The Top Sales Girl in the company for that month! XD
Yeahh I lost a lot of weight i tell you!!
But it was all worth it!! : ]

Then i went on the best trip EVER!!
New Zealand with Ko ko was a dream i NEVER thought would come true!
To date, i can't help but love my brother more dearly for this! <3
The trip was AMAAAAZZING!! We were dare-devils!!
Well, yeah maybe him lah, i was sorta DRAGGED!! X)
Does that count? LMAO!!

Anyway, life continues on after the trip!
I had gotten myself involved in jewelery design!!
This was when i learned about precious stones. ^_^
With some connection at play,
I managed to get a job at Poh Kong.

That short period of 10 days was a killer for me!
Every single day was a slouched me on a stool in the shop.
Besides arranging the goodies and tallying stock in the morning,
The rest of the day was a draggy one.
The worst part was, being unable to do sales or learn much as a sales exec.
However, when the paycheck came,
I was GLEEFUL at its sight. I won't tell why. X]

Zoom zoom....!!
Soon it was nearing April when i would experience my
FIRST taste of Uni life. :D
Initially, i was nervous so much so that i would shiver with excitement.
Arhem, according to my uni friends now though,
It was more like OVER-excitement!! Wakakaka!! XD

Most of me felt nerve-wrecked and anxious at this new beginning!
Its been years since i was able to properly SOCIALIZE.
Nonetheless, there was still part of me which worried, tremendously.
Worried i might fall back to my past behavior, when everything was an act!
Worried that people would find me WEIRD cause of my lack of practice!
Haha!! Thinking back now, i guess some of them did!! X]

So then the new journey had begun... ^_^
I was finally able to slowly integrate into this world once again!!
People here are more genuine, real.
I am so glad i had my heart on Nottingham!!
Despite all that has been said and done this half year here,
I have found that i am still,
Very much in love with it!! ; )
With the people, the place, and
The NEW Memories... <3
Cheerio Darlings~!

P/S : I'll be off to China on Friday!! Yippie!! :D Will be back on the 24th just in time for Christmas!! If i don't see you then, then heres the earliest and loudest MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! to you!! May God bless you continuously with love!! xoxo

Posted by zinrue

Wednesday, December 16, 2009 at 7:48 AM , 2 Comments Image

Fingers-Crossed

In the name of dear lord,
I hope and pray that this "loan" will go through!! #,#
Let this be my fate!!
Let it be one of great promise and adventure!!
And with that, no obstacles will be impossible for my removing!!
A glorious outcome AWAITS!! ^_^

ImageFor the love and faith in God i shall pray.

Posted by zinrue

Monday, December 14, 2009 at 5:20 AM , 0 Comments Image

Bloodshot.

Image
One picture may describe a million words.
This is how i feel now.

Posted by zinrue

Sunday, December 13, 2009 at 7:59 AM , 0 Comments Image

Zombie mode. @,@

My eyes hurt. I feel lethargic.
I also feel free but i know i am not.
I promised myself a lot of things,
But do they always prevail?

Home used to be home.
Now, its just... shelter. : (
How am i controlling all of this?
These emotions are eating me from inside...
I think i am hurting people. :S

Assignments are ALL OVER for now, FINALLY!!
I am supposed to be ecstatic now.
I am supposed to be SCREAMING with relief!!
But what is happening?
Am i over-worked?
I came back home today, and died on my bed, again.

I am in DESPERATE NEED of a holiday.
I am getting one! It is next Friday!
But why does it seem so far away?
Sigh sigh sigh.......... Wake up Shann!! @,@

I need ACTION!!
I need MORE purpose.
I had to CRAWL out of bed today... Aikks.
What should i do now?
I know study... But but... What else?
Life is currently in the slumps...
I am emotionally, although not physically... A ZOMBIE.

NEEDS TO RESURRECT!!!
NEEDS TO RESURRECT NOW!!!
Where is my savior?
Please appear soon.
Cause i have this urge to ram my car into a tree again!!
Just to feel... pain.

Posted by zinrue

Thursday, December 10, 2009 at 6:12 AM , 2 Comments Image

Relationships?

It was a really REALLY early day for me.
If you knew me, you would know what i mean by EARLY. X]
A friend had asked me, "Why don't you find yourself a bf?"
My reply, "Because things should come naturally, i am tired of having to search for him."

I guess to many people, naturally could mean many different things.
For me personally though, naturally is having open options and countless choices.
Many a time, i don't know why, people find it surprising that i am single.
And when i finally do assure them, they would freak. LOLS!!
Why is that?? What is your reason for thinking that?
I am seriously interested in knowing. O,O

Being alone and being lonely are two different things.
2009 is ending, and it would officially mark my 18 years of single-ness.
How do i feel? How have i been feeling?
Frankly, i have gotten used to being ALONE.
Its scary, but yeahh, shit like this happens. @,@ LOLS!!
Freedom is essential for me. I always liked things the way i choose it to be.
But being in a relationship wouldn't mean that would be taken away right?

Easier said than done.
The fear is ALWAYS there. :S
Risk is something i cant bear to take lightly.
God, help me relax!! Haha!! X)

Yet, curiosity isn't something you could kill easily.
Being independent for so many years, many people think i dont need another half,
Because I am capable, i can always sort myself out.
True, i don't neeed a guy.
But haven't you ever considered for a second if i would WANT one eventually?
HAHA!! Bet you never thought of THAT aye? XD

Oh well, to make life less complicated,
And to make things LESS awkward,
If any of you out there who are actually curious about the
"So-called" SHANN'S TYPE? Here it is. : )
And Nooo... This is NOT a checklist!! LMAO!! X]

+ Somebody i can be comfortable and be myself with (no more facades!!)
+ Caring and understanding (Important @,@)
+ Easy going, talkative, humorous!! (I like to laugh given the right reasons. XD)
+ Athletic? (Not essential, but preferably ^_^) - I don't do weenies. :S

~In short, somebody whom i could laugh, smile, cry and depend on. : ]

Easy peasy... No? : )

To think every girl would be complicated?
Reality check - It comes with the package. Lols!!

Cheers~ ^_^

Posted by zinrue

Sunday, December 6, 2009 at 5:33 AM , 7 Comments Image

State.

Mmm...
It'll be over soon...
I keep praying everything will be alright.
Why does it seem like i'm the only one over-stressing,
When everyone is so chilled.

Hmm...
Assignments are time-bombs.
Lecturers are death-eaters.
I swear, this current state of mine is partially withering.
Can i hope for a better outcome?

What do i need?
What don't i need?
I am sooo tired...
I dont feel like deciding any more...
I need more than just rest. :S

For once, i want to sit at the backseat.
For once, i want to be the passenger, not the driver.
For once, i want to be navigated.
For once, i want to be the infamous slacker.

But as all known,
Wants aren't wishes coming true.
Wants aren't presents wrapped with ribbons.
Wants aren't things you're blessed with, if its not meant to be.

Sleeep...
Funny how a person can adapt to the poorer circumstances of life.
Going home and sleeping on my own bed,
Seems like such a strange thing now.
I couldnt sleep restfully.
Nor did i dream good dreams.

Perhaps soon when all this is over,
I would learn to enjoy luxury again.
No, i am not in shambles.
This girl always stands tall.
Watch out whatever!!
Cause you're in my way!! :P

Posted by zinrue

Tuesday, December 1, 2009 at 8:25 PM , 1 Comment Image

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