Still remembering the first day you were brought to my house,I was an excited five year old who couldn't resist to welcome you with a tremendous hug.How blurry eyed but not shy you were, we adored you instantly.How we decided your name was hilarious.All 4 of us wrote it on a white scrap, and drew lots. Finally, mum got her way and it was decided - Drama. : )Scruffy little thing you were, teeth not even fully grown.It was horrendous the first few nights with your whining howls.But we couldn't blame you, you must've been missing your own mom.In time you were practically queen of the house. I sneaked you in all the time and cuddled you on the sofa. Silently we would both dose off, with you comfortably in my arms.No one could understand our attachment and the secrets i told you then.However, health challenged me often at that age.I nearly had asthma and so, you were sent to stand guard outside.That didn't stop me from playing with you more outside though.Maybe that was how i started loving the outdoors more than in, it was you.Bath times were your greatest fear.I would trick you with bread or cookies just to get you out from under the car.You always fell for it and i always felt smuck about it after. X)Waiting for you to dry off, combing was a hassle.But you were a dainty one, always wanting to look pretty.Obediently, you would sit quietly beside me while i smoothen out the knots.Time passed and everything changed.But always filled with surprises when you first had your own batch of pups.God were we proud of you... :'') 3 generations and you were still going strong.More amazing is that you even lived pass so many of your own.We were grateful to have you always watching our house for so many years. ^_^98 animal years was as far as you have gone.It might not be long enough for humans,But those years with your faithful companion,I could be no less grateful for having made a difference in my life.I love you, Drama... You'll always be one of my fondest. You will always be the dog who made a young girl's childhood a dream come true.Rest in peace. You are truly missed.*~}i{~*
Posted by
zinrue
It seems that as each year comes to an end,
And Christmas being one of my most favourite festival of the year,I can't help but realise that the idiom, "Wisdom comes with age." has become more and more true. : ) I no longer just feel excited about opening presents, or meeting up with friends...Instead, i look forward more to buying them, wrapping them up really prettily, and imagining the reaction of all their faces when i give it to them. ^_^Hahahaha Really no longer that young, naive child i used to be.I still vividly remember when i was around 8 or 9 years old,I used to go to those church parties, some of which were held in houses. All the excitement and anxiousness would be derived days before, All because i actually only got to go to church once a year. X) This particular memory however has always been one of my fondest.It was a game that could be played by everyone, no age restrictions at all.Everyone around me were strangers, and although it might be hard to believe now,But i was long ago, a shy child once upon a time. :PMy only acquaintance was my aunt who brought me to the party, the others were just strangers to me. We were playing pictogram where we had to draw out the word given to us. ^_^The dude before me got Sandwich but he drew a triangular thing nobody could guess.Next up was me, and i was worried. :S The word i got was Shepard. Now was that a challenge for a 9 year old?? #,#I remember looking back at my aunt, and then smiling.Minutes later, i drew a person which everyone guessed as Man.That wasn't right, so i drew him holding a wooden staff, just like the one Moses had.And instantly, everybody knew!! :D Boy was i happy then!! What made me feel even more special that night was that i believed in myself. I could appeal to people in a peculiar way but not one that is harmful. I even heard my aunt say to her friend that i was really good at expressing myself!! Till today, whenever i feel i wasn't good enough for something,I would ponder back on this memory. I had to somehow believe and remember that God made me the way i am because i am unique and special. There isn't another me in this world that could replace me. ^_^Funny how things like this pops out of my brain during this season round.Heck, must be the Micheal Buble song - Let It Snow that has been replaying for the past half hour. :D Nonetheless, i truly truly feel grateful for everything i have now...Time passed by stagnantly on Christmas day,Me capturing each moment in slow motion, wondering if next year would be the same?I really love my family... No matter how imperfect they are. :"]By then, i hope i'll be seeing the similar view from a webcam miles and miles away instead. But i foresee lots of tears hopefully of happiness or homesickness. XDMay God permit whatevers destined to happen, to happen with grace.I truly, deeply pray.
Merry Christmas one and all!!May you have a meaningful heartfelt one like me!! : ) *~}i{~*
Posted by
zinrue
Having already met you, You may not be just a fantasy. Just awaiting for fate to permit us,We shall meet again in future.Perhaps then, we would both be ready.We would both see that its been worth the wait,Worth every wonder and hope.In the correct time, all would be revealed.In time, all the pain will go away, and new feelings will come.In time, we would both see each other clearly...In time, only happily ever after will be. 
*~}i{~*
Posted by
zinrue
Silhouette, moving objectsMoving star, thats where you areEyes closed, i think i see youEyes open, nope, not imaginationSilent murmurs, my heart speaking own wordsCheeky smile, yeap its been a whileDrowning slumber, its finally decemberMyth and mystery, would you be my destiny?
*~}i{~*
Posted by
zinrue
Recently, i've been telling myself,"Smile dear, smiling helps.""Appreciate dear, you are loved.""Enjoy dear, things could only get better."It is true that at some point, things have gotten a bit better.I wake up everyday with not much ache in my heart anymore...I'm being surrounded by crazy people who pretend they are macho, but in fact, are really caring, funny and irritating. XDI can laugh heartily and enjoy living each moment as everything seems to pass by really slowly.I see things now quite differently, things i have not noticed before, although some shapes still appear the same to me and i'm still really blur and slow. @,@I talk to people with more patience, with less judgment but more listening.I quietly smile to myself every time i successfully avoid an argument, proud that i did not lose my temper.All in all, i feel this gradual change in habit and moods rather pleasing. I think my parents are liking it too. XD Although occasionally the sting still burns around the edges,And the pain chills itself throughout my whole system,And i struggle to compose my thoughts, emotions and heartbeat again,I comfort myself by saying that at least it doesn't hurt as much as it used to.At least i am brave enough to face myself, to understand time will heal all,Even if there was no closure, no clarity, and not much understanding in between,But i choose to believe that God is good and life will go on and will only get better, right?? : ]Very recently i found out that absolution has finally come to a friend and her ex.It involves me not, but as a bystander and supporter, in many ways i admire them and the closure they were able to achieve together.Although it didn't work out with them, but at least they both know the reasons they couldn't be together.The comfort was that they knew they both loved each other, but under complicated circumstances, they just couldn't be.Yet, who said there can't be a happily ever after for both of them?At the very least, they knew why it didn't work out.They discussed about it and nothing had to be guessed.Only after seeing this did i realise how important it is to have closure.Closure being no loose ends, and no more room for wondering why.I used to wish so much that i could have that.To be able to discuss about it, say out every single feeling i still had, and finally face the truth without having to guess and wonder what if. Unfortunately, there is a first for everything.Perhaps i had to learn it the hard way this time, in order for me to not make the same mistake next. Hrmmmm... I suppose theres always a higher purpose to everything...May this lesson help me remember and bear in mind always,"
Treat people nicer than necessary,
Because you never know what battles they are facing on their own everyday."
Smiling helps too!! ^_^
*~}i{~*
Posted by
zinrue
其实，如果我们把每一样不知道的事，知道后，而选择计较的话，我觉得，人生一定会很难过吧。。。知道后，又能怎么样？？知道后， 会有所改变吗？？这之前，得先问自己到底在不在乎，对吧？？虽然说人是会变的，想法，行为上都会，但，因为从这些改变里我们才发觉到真真的自己，自己想要的， 自己要争取的， 自己需要的些什么，都会一瞬间变得很清楚。。。难道这不算是了解吗？？嗯。。。 了解自己需要什么是很重要的。了解能让人体会到满足，体会到愉快。它给人带来很多方便，因为忽略了不重要的人物或事物，就不算是错过或不负责任， 这就不会导致任何后悔的结局。所以，尽管某些事情，本来不知道的，过后却知道的话，那就让它逗留在后脑里吧。。。因为它已经不在是值得烦恼的事情了。; ]*~}i{~*
Posted by
zinrue
Arrhhhhhhh!!Thats nearly the first thing i did when i came home!!Chopped it allll off!! @,@
I guess it'll be all gone for the next week and a half!!Shucks!! Easy maintenance RULES!! ^,^W!!!!!!!! Chopped what off??? Where does your imagination take you?? >:D P/s : Whooooossshhhhh...... Swimming 3 times a week?? Thats what you call a FIT girl!! ; )
*~}i{~*
Posted by
zinrue
Say whaaaat???!! @,@I can't believe its been a month!!A MONTH since my last post!! :SMmmpphhh mmmpphhhh mmmppphhh!!Live you!! LIVE!!!!!!!! >,<||||||*Passes dramatic moment. Swt*Ohhh!!! Theres just so much so much that has been going on!! :DThis past 2 weeks have been nothing but dream-like!!I can't believe it is actually happening!! *,*And i gotta thank my beloved brother for most of it!! :")"Kae, although you might never see this, and probably never hear me say this to you cause i'm too shy, but seriously, I love you so much Kae!! :''] What would i do without you?? I think i would have experienced WW3 if it weren't for you!! Thank you, for prepping them up... For letting them understand and see from a different perspective... And for possibly debating with them too!! :S I couldn't have done it without you... You're so surprising sometimes, i really feel like suffocating you with hugs!! : ] Thank you Kae... You're the BEST!!" *hearts*And hence it all began...With the confirmed results... Anxious phone calls and hook ups... The exciting agreement... The peaceful move out... The hectic cleaning up... And finally, the memorable move in... Mmmmm.... I couldn't have asked for more. : ) God has His ways, always has. Just believe and trust in His plans, and everything will be alright. ^_^ I am ever so grateful for whatever i have now... Having just had a craaaazyy week, i'm just so excited for the next, and the next!! :D ~ Sunday : KFC & Mc D "border" dinner + Legend of Fist!! [1st row!! WTH???!!] XD~ Monday : Raining KITA dinner!! : 9~ Tuesday : Munggar dinner + Jaya Jusco "discussion" (Part #1)!! >:D~ Wednesday : Broga Porridge & Wan Tan Mee + Jaya Jusco "discussion" (Part #2) #,# ~ Thursday : Lat Tong at Bandar Tech!! [Kau-fu drove me in his Mazda!!] :D ~ Friday : Broga Tom Yam Pan Mee lunch!! :''9 And everything else *shhhhhhhhhh...* in between!! ^_^Sammie has come back to us too!! Gosshhh did we SCREAM!!!! XD!!Finally finally, everything is back to normal!! And this time, no more missing out!! ; ) Another massive week with lots of readings to come!!Yeshhhh, i am drowning in excitement, even if it means facing a mountain pile of work load!! Bring it ON!!!!!! ^,^W!!!!Monday, please come quick!! ;D *~}i{~*
Posted by
zinrue
Thanks to Dar dar, After 3 days, i finally finished watching this Korean Drama 原来是美男阿! ^_^
This is the first romance series i've watched since the move on. Eventhough it might not seem like a big deal,But i am truly proud of myself... For not sobbing like a baby,For not drowning in anymore pain... : ) Unlike most other dramas i've watched,This one turned out to be a surprise!! :DI didn't expect to learn and understand so much,Just from a film that probably most "macho" people won't watch.Needless to say, there are haters in this world. But who could stop them?? :PThe scene that gave me the biggest epiphany,And the biggest impact was when Shinyu (who used to love Minnang), scolded Taekyong when he said he would let go of Minnang because the closer they were, more hurt she would feel.This was what Shinyu said,"你不是放她走，而是推开她吧！放手这句话, 只有一直抓住不放的人才有资格说!你抓住她不放了吗?? 我一直抓住她, 到最后也没有放手...虽然在你眼里看起来会很可笑... 但是我坚持到了最后, 才可以放手. 你没那样做过吧...你只是在你位置上, 看着因为累而逃跑的她,连追的想法也没有过吧...是啊... 你就守着你的自尊心, 一直站到她跑到远远的...你真有出息啊... 黄泰京.."
From Left :
Shinyu,
Taekyong
This made me understand so much,Why i was finally able to let go and move on...It took that last step, the step i did that alot of people would laugh and at me for...That "silly thing" i had to do for me to realise,I had done my very best to save what we used to have,But it just wasn't enough.That made me understand more clearly.Eventhough a lot had happened between us,But at my very end, i realised, there was no point fighting anymore.I knew deep down then, I deserved better. : ) Taking such a long time to learn all this,I still feel so gullible when it comes to relationships...Like an infant who hasn't learnt how to crawl, Yet struggled to walk and run...This was my own mistake... I was too rash...Nonetheless, it has become one of the
most valuable experience life has offered me...Even when it took the hard way to teach me this lesson,But it will serve me as a constant reminder,Never be rash... Always always be patient...And never never fight for things that do not belong to you...Because like what Minnang said,"让我们深爱的人放弃对他来说重要的人/事, 并不是爱."If its meant to be yours, it will be faithful...Because to love with a forceful heart, is not love at all...
GohMinnang the Pabo :P
*~}i{~*
Posted by
zinrue
曾经有人告诉过我，想念是表达珍惜，也是感觉幸福的一种方式。有资格去想念一个人，不管是亲人，朋友，还是爱人，也算是属于我们的幸福。因为人生很短，很多时候，我们在过着忙碌的生活时，就会不知不觉的忽略到身边对我们很重要的一些人。这当时后的不小心，久了，就会变成习惯。人与人之间的关系，的关心， 的想念，就像风吹过一样，一挂能感觉到很凉爽，很舒服。。。可是当一过了，就只是被之前享受的人此刻牵挂，不够深印象的会让人忘记，因为不够深刻，不够感动。人不是因为自私才会这样。每个人的性格里，多多少少都会有得过且过的烂病。只是在发现之前拥有的已消失在后头了，那时，后悔也该来不及了。。。后悔的话，只不过会带给自己辛苦，心酸，悲哀而已。所以如果以后有幸能及时擦决到这份想念
正在悄悄的从我们手中溜跑时，急时抓紧它，不让它逃出手掌的话，可能我们就可以换一口气，自豪的称赞自己，“对！我今天真有本事！又能成功的守护我多一天的幸福了。”所以现在如果有这所谓的想念或被想念的人的话，请好好珍惜。。。因为失去以后，要在找回一样的幸福，恐怕没那么容易。。。珍惜现在，珍惜所有。*~}i{~*
Posted by
zinrue
Fuuuuuuuuuuhhh....!!!At long last, after tomorrow morning,Shann will be a FREE GIRL!! :DIt has been nothing but madness this holidays!! So much shit happened during this time,I'm just so glad its coming to an end!! ;PAnd the best thing about everything is,I'll have a fat paycheck when it ends too!!Just imagine the next crazy thing i'll do!! X)Freedom is what i am savoring most now.Having forgotten what its like to do whatever things i like and whenever,I am determined to make this coming term a more memorable one!! One that involves me being nothing short of AWESOME!! ^_^September, just you wait!!Imma storm your way with more than just headbanging!! ^,^W!!
*~}i{~*
Posted by
zinrue
One down, two more to go!! Whoooooossshhhh!! ^,^W!!Yesterday was impeccable!!Having studied till 2am the night before,The early paper that came in the morning was A BREEZE. :DLOLS!! Midway through the exam,I was actually wondering if it was really necessary to study that hard before??But once again, i was painfully reminded that,No, we should never ever take things for granted. NEVER.Especially when it came to ones future.I shyly turned away those thoughts and instead,Was enlightened by the sudden epiphany.All the late nights, the repeated revision
and horrid nervousness is worth it!!Because if you want something, you gotta deserve it.You gotta put hard effort if you're ever gonna beat yourself. : )Having quite a victorious morning, The day did not end just there. X)I had TREATS!! :DSpending the whole day with Jie and Andrew,I couldn't have expected a more awesome day!! ^_^Lunch at Sweet Chat, i had
my favourite dessert - Red Ruby from there!! : 9I really needed something sweet!! Its been ages since i had sinful things in me!! XDAfter that, it was SHOPPING TIME!! ^,^W!!Andrew, you are a charm!! Thank you for all the wonderful tips!!It was a freaking wicked experience shopping with you!! :DI just totally LOVE the stuff we got!! ; )Can't wait to see the others' jaws drop!! XDAnd note to be taken :
I'll be carrying a backpack the next time we shop!!Conveniently BIG and environment friendly too!! ^_^ Then we caught a devastating movie!!! Eeeeeeeee!!!!Andrew Low!! You owe me another cinema experience!! X)I almost puked out all the popcorn watching Jude Law slicing open himself and other people without any form of anesthesia!! Goodddd!! Can you imagine the pain?? :SAnd DUDE!! Those people are like Cyborgs!! Freaky things!! But they could bleed!! Massive grossness!! @,@But but but, the Irish French Fries was FABULOUS!! : 9Lets get more More MORE next round k??!! You gotta love potatoes!!!!! :D :D :DThen rush rush rush home, bom bom,And then speed speed speed out for party!! Happy Birthday Wai Teng!! : ]Hope you had a memorable time with us!!Wrestling and eating an incomplete cake!! XD!!It was undoubtedly a day worth remembering... : )Although super exhausted and everything...But having people i could just be myself with,People who wouldn't change me for a million bucks,People who appreciate and love me for who i really am...Mmmm... Thats heaven enough for me!! ^_^ *~}i{~*
Posted by
zinrue
I am a strong girl... Always have been! ^,^W!!I just needed to understand.I just needed time to...And finally today,
After doing something really silly, I HAVE. Hence, no more whining or tearing up!No more sulking and self destructive thoughts!Because I am AWESOME!! And there is only one way, and that is FORWARD!! ; ]Suddenly, everything has become so clear to me!Suddenly, i could sleep properly!! Suddenly, i realise, I don't have to care anymore!!!I am a FREE babeh!! Whoooosshhh!! ^,^W!!!!!!!* Welcome back awesome chunk!! ;D *I'm just so utterly excited now!! I think my bed's gonna break from all this jumping on it!! XDOh gosh oh gosh oh gosh!!New semester is starting!!That means, seeing all my friends again!! Wheeeeeee~ :D Ahhhhh............. *sigh of relief* Tonight is an AWESOME night!! *Sinks into bed* Thank you to ALL of you, Who had helped me through all those difficult times!!Without all your advises, support and encouragement,I wouldn't feel this relieved and determined now!! ^_^Thank you all so so much...To the super warm, the massive silly medicine, the blurring fighter, the invisible hand, the unexpected wisdom, the extreme sweet, the brother bear and the twiggies addiction!! XD I really appreciate all of you and love you all!! :''DThanks for everything!!You guys know who you are... ; ) *~}i{~*
And so she flies again...
Posted by
zinrue
做不成男女朋友，做个特别的朋友
~ by Thomas Chong 两个可能彼此相爱、喜欢的人， 但是，又不属于友情、爱情、亲情中的任何一种， 彼此不能成为男女朋友，只能做个特别的朋友…… 也许是为了朋友之间的义气，不能归属。 也许是为了顾及家人的意见，不能归位。 也许是为了自己的前程，不能承诺。 也许是相遇太早，还不懂得珍惜对方。 也许是相遇太晚，彼此身边已经有了另一个人。 也许是回头太迟，对方已不再等待。 也许彼此在捉摸对方的心，而迟迟无法跨出界线…… 不过即使没在一起， 彼此仍能找到塌实的感觉， 仍然会保持不隶属任何一种感情的关系。 但是彼此心底清楚， 对这个人，你比朋友还多了一份关心。 因为有了彼此，心里总是被幸福塞的满满的…… 即使不能彼此名正言顺的牵着手逛街， 还是可以做无所不谈的朋友。 彼此有喜欢的人，口头上会说不吃醋， 心里却会觉得胃疼…… 对方遇到困难时， 会尽全力伸出援助之手， 不会计较谁又欠了谁。 对方生病了， 会缴尽脑汁找药方， 恨不得变成护士，陪伴在身旁…… 每个人这辈子， 心中都有过这幺一个特别的朋友， 很矛盾的行为。 一开始可能不甘心只做朋友的， 但久了，突然发现这样最好。 宁愿这样关心对方的心情， 总好过彼此生活在一起受伤害…… 做不成男女朋友， 当个特别的朋友， 有什么不好呢？ 你心中的这个特别的朋友...? 是谁呢? 很多的感情， 都败在了现实的面前…… 友情可以演变成为爱情， 爱情最终进化成为亲情， 彼此就将友情直接进步到亲情…… 人生不过百年…… 能牵手的时候，请别只是肩并肩， 能拥抱的时候，请别只是手牵手， 能在一起的时候，请别轻易分开， 能成为红颜知己，请别刻意离开！ 珍惜彼此之间塌实的感觉...
Posted by
zinrue
Today when i was studying...Something caught my eye on the far right of my study table...I was distracted for a moment again...Staring blankly into space,I realised theres just so many things i see and do that still reminds me of you...But what surprised me the most is, eventhough i still miss you...My heart didn't hurt as much as it did yesterday or the day before... :'')I realise that if everyday i removed something that used to be ours,Then my heart would gradually heal...And that part of me would learn to accept thatThat happiness i once had and loved so much,
No longer belongs to me anymore...So one by one, i would have to say goodbye to them and move on...Today, after smelling the first bunch of roses ever given to me by a boy for the last time,
And consciously trying to remember this beautiful scent forever,
Its sweetness and the wonderful memory it came with
when i first received it nearly 5 months ago...
I finally bid all four of those beautiful roses a final farewell... :'') You taught me how to love flowers,
Eventhough i used to think it was silly gesture...
But now i can see how beautiful they are,
The true meaning they carry along with their once red petals...
Posted by
zinrue
Its funny how life gives you the things you wanted so much, at the oddest and most unlikely of times, when You least expect it too.After weeks of emotional struggle and intense missing,Yesterday night when we broke up,I finally dreamt About you.Lols!! And this just reconfirms my belief all over again,That life is in fact filled with surPrises, lots of them. : )I didn't sleep a tearful night yesterday...Unlike the ones i had battled wrecklessly a few nights ago...I cannot admit that it didn't hurt at all...But in a way, the few days before that helped me prepare well for Yesterday night.I was a happier girl since two days before this...Because quiet time for thinking has made what i wanted in life clearer for me...I really thought i understood you better...I really thought by giving you your space, we could get through this hard time, together.But then, i was wrOng. Whats love without missing and yearning?But whats life with misery and depressioN??I really understand now... What it means to be happy... What it means to feel loved...To once upon a time, be hugged, be held on to, and be treasured...Feeling that special, that important to someone else...To know that I am capable of loving and being loved...And that life could be one that is as colourful as the rainbow...For showinG me all of that, Thank You...I couldn't have wished for someone else... : ) I will remember never to love selfishly anYmore...I will remember to be patient and more understanding in my future...You've taught me to understand myself better too...Losing that faith isn't totally your fault.You keep apologising, but you're not the only one who should.So, sorry for all the pain i had caused you in the past, or is causing you now...I believe that you will pull through without much problem or regret...Because you have many great friends like i do, who will remind us of how awesome we really really Are... :'']Sure, it hurts now knowing that that happiness we had can no longer continue to exist...But i would not look back in vain or regret, because i knoW i had it before, and it is mine to keep forever...May this chapter, My First,Be one that will always remain in my heart,Be one to reminD me that life can be more wonderful than it already is...So i can appreciate that aspect I was blessed with,And move oN with faith towards another sunrise,Where hopefully, God has another adventure awaiting me... :'')Farewell, my first love... }i{
Posted by
zinrue
Although i have not been a staunch christian,Yet who is to say and judge that i have not been a devoted one??When i was young, i was able to attend church more frequently than now. Every Saturday and Sunday, there would be morning trips to services, then afternoon stay backs for fellowship. This habit did not last long, as i was later committed to other co-curricular activities. Despite not going to church often after that, i still believe in God and His existence very very much. I could sum up all that i have learned from church in ONE word. No, it is not fear. The word is FAITH.Eventhough i was really little at that time, but this particular sermon was so powerful to me as a little girl then, that it has impacted me till this very day. In brief, the gist of the sermon went something like this :"You cannot see God. You may not be able to see Him with your naked eye, nor can you hear His voice speaking to you like any other person can in this room. But ask yourself this, can you feel His presence? Similar to FAITH, you cannot see it, better yet touch it. But why is that everyone who claims they do not believe in God still continue to have faith in what they do??Because faith, is a strong belief that no one can steal or take away from you, unless you decide to lose it yourself.
To believe, is a powerful thing. To believe that you will do well, or manage your own life gives you the strength and confidence to achieve it. As long as your faith is resilient, no one can ever stop you from achieving what you're set out to do, or to tell you otherwise. And to accept God into your hearts is the same. He will never leave you once you have accepted Him. Because God is loyal, and God loves even when he isn't loved in return."Does this faith i have still exist?? Can i continue to fight for what i used to believe in??Will there be a happy ending to what seems to be becoming a closed chapter??I understand my options now...I understand both of them well...But whatever the outcome may be,Please Lord, give me the strength to continue living a cheerful life, filled with love, passion and all things You made beautiful. Amen.
Posted by
zinrue
Feeling uncertain,Not knowing if the feeling is mutual anymore...There was no assurance,Nor was there any reminder...Words and action,Which is more trustworthy?Undervalued,Has everything been worth it all this while?It used to be.How about now?Differences,Can there be reconciliation?Or are we just too different,Too undeserving to each other?The past,Just thinking of it makes my heart ache even more...Those happy times,Where have they all gone???
So is love.It is how much you value each other,That gives each other that faith, that assurance.It gives each other the strength and courage To continue walking next to each other hand in hand,To continue on that journey, which started out as a fairytale,Once upon a time...
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zinrue
小幸福我知道你不喜欢我啰嗦 虽然喋喋不休 也会听出耳油我知道你不爱出去走走我也愿意陪你 一起躲进被窝有时候我被你冷落
有时候我们互相迁就有时候我们一句也不说
有时候我被你飙到了忘我唱着情歌我写你的调调太久也许有天 你会发现 我是你的听众唱着情歌我只希望你听得懂也许有天 你会发现 小幸福的曲风我喜欢你跳舞的小动作你的一举一动 也给我一种幽默你挑眼我歇斯底里过错本来彼此推翻承诺，本来应该手牵手往前走。。。有时候我被你冷落
有时候我们互相迁就 有时候我们一句也不说
有时候我被你飙到了忘我也许有天你会发现 我们的小感动我们唱的情歌别人不需要懂也许有天你会发现 小幸福的曲风
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zinrue
Life is short, you'd think you have time to spare but you don't. Famous poets write about how to live life to the fullest with lines like "Love your heart out while it still allows you!" and "Experience and enjoy youth while you can!".Its true everyone wants to live just a happy life! Loving things simple and uncomplicated. Clearly, this contradicts every single point and message those famous fools have been trying to trick us into believing. Because living and loving someone isn't simple, and never easy.We naturally crave for joy, love, attention and everything beautiful as human beings. Who could blame us for wanting to live a perfect life? Wanting all the time to feel appreciated, to feel cared for, to feel trusted, to feel important to the people we love.
But what happens when you realise, no, we're not as important as we thought we are to them? What happens when they keep reminding you of the hardship that is about to come such as no we can't see each other for some time, or contact each other as often? What happens if you initially expected that the sacrifice you will make with the commitment with him is more than you can actually cope with? What happens when he chooses them over you, when all this while he promised that you meant the most to him?Is everyone in this world seriously as important as you think they are? Would it kill them or kill you to deny them of what they want from you so you could make the person who is supposed to be more important to you happy?? If it means sacrificing time with me to please your mum, i understand and i accept because your mum is family and is top of your "important people list". You always say your family accuses you for being unhelpful and unproductive. You sacrificed time with me because your mum was unhappy that you were going out and spending a lot all the time. But yet, you still continue with your active lifestyle pleasing all your friends and spending all that money and time.Because of them, you are stuck with too many difficult decisions and hard choices to make that you're not sure how to manage. If already knowing that, why did you want me in the picture to add to all that burden and hardship?? Especially when you already have so much to deal with? Why do you need me when you can just continue to lead your life surrounded by the people who are ALL important to you and that can accompany you and make you happy? That, i really don't understand.
I have never asked you to choose between them and me, because i know it will put you in a difficult position. But if you could be equally happy with them, why do you need me around? You said before the happy with them is different as the happy with me. But i guess its just not different enough for you to sacrifice more going out time with them, just so you could spend a day with me and not get scolding from your mum for it.
How you manage so many things in the past i am not sure. But when you say everything is important, you're just denying the fact that sacrificing for the people who means to you most is more important than the rest. Think about it, and explain to me why is that i am always feeling like a plan B? Always feeling abandoned when you're living your busy life while i'm just waiting for your return? If not just fitting into that schedule because there's just some spare time left there? I am not married. I can go and stay whenever and wherever i wish, and do whatever that makes me happy too. Why do i have to always be the after-thought in your life, when i can be FIRST in my own? Because I am most important to me, my family, you and my best friends are 2nd and other friends are 3rd. Whereas you are most important for yourself, 2nd your family, and i have to share third place with all your other important friends as well as everyone else you know, because ALL of them are extremely important in your life. To you, i am that special, i am that important, and i am that different.
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zinrue
Sitting on a fence, people who do are usually stuck with a difficult decision to make.Weighing the pros and cons of their options, it is normal to see them linger in indecision.However, who could blame them if both options vary vastly from each other, And that choosing one of the two would mean losing something that was once so dear to them?For the past 4 days, i have been sitting on a fence.Deliberating and considering every single detail which contributes to my happiness and well being. It was an arduous process in which many a times, i found my mind drifting off into space, avoiding the voyage back to reality. This state would probably be more commonly known as - emo.It is always difficult to decide what to keep or leave behind in ones life.Never is it an easy decision to consciously want to remove them from your journey,Especially when the thing potentially being removed has feelings and tears too.I never intend on hurting anyone.I always felt the utmost joy when i take action for the things i believe would make people happy or grateful. Even simple things like sharing lunch with a new friend, or switching off a leaking tap just to help save water, or even offering a piece of tissue to a complete stranger who is having flu. Yeap, i find joy in doing all things similar to this. Yet, it is so difficult for me to just normally love a person.Feels like the world around me has changed tremendously.People who used to be close suddenly felt they had a gap and started moving on.Things that i previously found exciting and awesome, suddenly has become not as they were before. Gradually, from a once light hearted soul; has become something filled with demands and expectations. Before i knew it, i have become greedy and selfish. Worse than the green monster beneath my bed. What am i to do?I hurt for not getting what i hope and want.I reach out for something that i might never get.I cry because the reasons i love myself for has dimmed as i allowed my heart to be vulnerable and risked.Everyone knows love is a gamble. But does everyone throw in their last chip at a casino table if they have no assurance that they will win back some profit??The answer is NO, not many people would.Yet, gullible as i am at this point, i have done so.Once again, with no insurance or assurance,I took the plunge. No looking back at the cuts that struck my heart so deeply before.No looking back at the helpless, pathetic state i have once been because of you.I choose to trust you this one final time.Like a newly hatched baby bird about to leave its nest for the first time, I dive into the unknown, with no guarantee for my survival or end for the very last time.
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zinrue
I suddenly remember my reason for starting this blog.This is where i share, this is where i turn to for comfort and venting,
And this is where I can say whatever the hell i want,
And that nobody can judge me without my approval and publishing permission. : )
To me, this is like my idea of Heaven on Earth.At times, i just feel life is unbearable, like now.
To be honest, despite the fact that i can actually sleep and awake later than usual, I really, REALLY hate holidays.
Especially when there are still commitments to the academic world,
And when i can't focus my attention fully on my plans for the holiday,I tend to always feel disrupted and lost, as if i were dangling in midair, and i can't feel my feet.I currently have no maid now.On an optimistic note, i have been "promoted" into a somewhat "professional housekeeper". *This is self-proclaimed. Doubt me for all i care. I do not provide cleaning services, mind you. XP*I've become pretty efficient at sweeping & mopping, washing & ironing clothes, washing & vacuuming cars, and cleaning toilets.
Yes, i agree, i should get a cert for that.
Heck, most housewives without maids should get one too.
On a pessimistic note, my holidays and i have become total enemies.
I dread waking up early in the morning for housework.
I dread having to work with mom and coming home to a pile of clothes to iron, house to sweep, and on a 2 week basis, 3 dogs + 1 cat to bathe.
Isn't my life just interesting??
Well, if its boring you now, simply click on the "x" tab at the extreme right hand corner of this window, and i'm sure i wouldn't be wasting anymore of your life.Back to the topic, everything is exhausting.
Call me a whining hag, but I really dont think a housewife's job is a good cut out for a rockstar teenager such as myself.
But whose to say we get to decide our ironies??
Thats exactly how reality screws people.
Exhaustion, moodiness and unexplainable tendency to scream at someone.
Haha Yeshh, i am struggling to keep my composure.Like a ballerina, stiffening and loosening her neck muscles, struggling to perform a complete pirouette without losing her balance.
Hence, the battle of my emotions against daily circumstances.
But what can i do??I see my mom doing it, and my heart aches.I see my younger brother lazing around, and a Fat Man bomb ignites in my tummy and Nagasaki goes down.
Why is it that always I have to be the Chinese Cinderella??
The responsible second child and the burden absorber??When that useless slacker sits around and complains??Urgghhhh This is worst than physical training. =,=
A message to bloody Indonesian Immigration agents,"FUCK YOU."
Fuck you and your law,Your atrocious increase in agent's fees,Your ridiculous demand that maids be allowed to carry their own passports,
And for your lousy quality of maids whose intentions are to flee their godforsaken country. May you find peace in yourselves as you continue to loot the shit out of Malaysia.Lastly, I wanna say that,"Its all for you mom. I'm doing this all for you."
I am tolerating your frustration.I am tolerating you screaming for no damn reason.I am tolerating you for expecting me to RE-clean every single shit that he screws up.Yes, may God dawn upon me a with a stronger faith to continue this efforts for the sake of LOVE. Amen.
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zinrue
I can't deny feeling sad and sour when i look at your photos.
We were once really, really close.
I thought we still are... But that doesnt seem so.
There is no blaming you for drifting away.
I know what its like to feel lonely, even when theres company.Yet, i think i'm selfish, for wishing my name
was still in your list of *close friends*.Are we all born like that??Always missing what we once had??
Things we took for granted...Time, friendship, crazy moments and all the memories...
I apologise for ever letting you feel left out.I don't know how to deal with this...I just feel sorry. : (
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zinrue
I think the day started out to get me today.
As i type this, i have no idea why all my words are underlined.
Fuck it. Thats not the point of my post.
Results just came out and unfortunately enough,
I have fallen into a state of upset.
Honestly, i did have more faith in this exam.
I studied like shit for it, harder than before, or ever.
I just didnt think i would be squished like a bug despite all the effort.
Poop. I can't NOT swear now.
I always knew i wasn't the book smart type,
But SERIOUSLY?? WTF.
I don't get it, i don't get it, i don't freaking get it.
Its not like i don't care!
Or that i was slacking!!
Or that i miss classes!!!
I attended 98% of them!!
The other 2% was because i was lost, or didn't know.
God... Help me...I'm dying here...
Why is it like this??
Some subjects i just knew the answers!!
I did the best i could!!
Didn't give up till the very end!!
Beeswax. Am i seriously this dumb??
How should i study, hurhh??
How........................................
I tried everything!!
I tried highlighting all the important points...
I listen like a hawk in class except for maths, which i passed!!
I tried studying 2 weeks before the exam (which is pretty early)...
Nope, it still doesnt work.
I wonder why God made us unequal and uneven to one another.
Some friends study 2 or 1 day before the exam,
And poof, they get magical colourful results.
I just want to pass everything, is that really so hard??
For me it is.
I am getting convinced that academics is not what i was born to master.
I need to suffer and experience awful grinding and shit before something turns out "ok".
I dont think i can be taught how to study though...
Because no matter how hard i do, its useless.
So, this is what i intend to do.
If i proceed to UG,
I am going to TAKE IT EASY.
In the sense that i'm not going to fuss over exams anymore,
I'm not going to stress about it weeks before.
I'll just do frequent readings.
THAT is what i'm going to do.
Like daddy said, just get your degree and come out!
The real world is totally different and requires things differently!!
So, i can't wait to freaking graduate!!
I can't wait to show the world, blehhh!!
Street smart takes people places too you know!!
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.....................
I just need to chill.
Chill.
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zinrue
I would ask him, "Why on earth are you still alive?? I thought you died in all the war you caused". O,O
*Hey guys!! Join formspring!! Its seriously fun!! You get to ask each other all sorts of questions and see answers too!! What a good way of getting to know one another more right?? Hahahaha!! Ask me something then!! Click on the link below!! ^_^ ENJOY~*
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zinrue
THATS RIGHT.Thats exactly what you're seeing.
Everything is happening so fast...
I swear i could hear my heart beat pleading!!
Ohhh God...
Why does it have to be so soon??
I am literally nerve-wrecked!!!! @,@
The past two weeks were somewhat of a LIVING HELL. X)Training never seemed tougher!!Or maybe, i was just out of shape. :SBut suffering through a few agonising, pain-staking nights of:Neck cramps,
shoulder cramps,
bicep + tricep cramps,
Core cramps,
lower-back cramps,
thigh cramps,
calf cramps and
MENTAL CRAMPS XD...
I am finally going to face IT. @,@
Tuesday night (15/06/2010),
Please pray for me...!!!Nothing is impossible!!Remind myself, It'll all be over in a days time!!Just a day!!Argggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!It can be done!!The blood, sweat and sleepless nights...I just want to be the one on the top!! *fingers-crossed tightly reaching maximum numbness*Cheer for me, people!! ^_^ exoh.
Posted by
zinrue
