its early in the morning and the time changed yesterday so i woke up with an extra hour of no sun, which i found very annoying. im sorry for being gone for such prolonged periods of time. in all honesty this website feels like its at a standstill. im satisfied with the design, and not much goes on in my life for me to provide frequent blog updates (at least while i use it as a life updates page and not a diary of sorts...) i do have some things to share though, which is exciting!

yesterday i got home from the beach. i only went a day, but thats okay because i plan to go back at some point this week. i made some acquaintances for the day, rode on their golf cart to the beachside bar and had a time. this week and next week are considered to be spring break with the colleges/universities around me, so it should be fun!!

ive recently gotten back into vending/selling my art! i honestly feel a bit out of place in the local art/vendor scene because i dont make jewelry or illustrations, but things have gone well so far regardless! it's very fun to do overall and i missed it.

okay i think thats it bye

im sitting in a discord call listening to a friend play various songs on his guitar. my mind is blanking on what exactly to write, but i feel like i should.

life has been weird. it's been uneventful. im depressed, admittedly, but im okay. im just so bored all of the time. nothing i do is fulfilling. hanging out with the few friends i have just isnt enough. my hobbies arent enough. i'll be fine, its just an annoyance if anything.

i think thats all i'll share for today. p.s. im hungry

i am drunk as im writing this. i took two shots of tequila.
my 21st birthday was a few days ago, and i went bar hopping with my sister. i drank about 9 shots total throughout the night, though thats a rough estimate... i lost count. i dont have a lot to say but i will just say that it was a very fun night. i also recieved a precious moments snow globe as a gift.

christmas was honestly delightful. my niece was gifted a lot, and it was nice seeing her reaction to all her gifts. i recieved a few gifts that im very happy with. i got 5 precious moments figures, 4 little sanrio plushies, a tokidoki edition of monopoly, and some money. im very satisfied.

thats all i have to share for now.

yesterday i celebrated my 21st birthday despite it not being for another 2 weeks. i invited a decent amount of people but only 3 ended up showing. i was a bit disappointed but overall the night was enjoyable. we had good food and listened to fun music. my cake was custom, inspired by the cocteau twins album cover for four calendar cafe.

it feels strange not celebrating my birthday the day of or closer to it, especially because its considered a milestone age, but im not mad!

other than that, life has been okay i guess. im still depressed. i was depressed about a few things at my party which hindered my ability to enjoy myself to the fullest, but its okay... things have been boring and uneventful as of late so i havent had much to share on the blog, i apologize.

last night i went to a halloween/birthday party. yes, a week later. i fell asleep on their couch for a while which was pretty embarassing, especially since this isnt the first time this has happened. other than that i enjoyed myself and seeing old friends.

on actual halloweekend i went out two nights in a row. the first night i went to a party/show hosted at a venue by drag queens, including a friend of mine who performed. im not sure if ive ever talked about my friend who does drag. hey if youre reading.
the second night i went to a bar that my drag friend performed at again. to be clear, after the performances we were totally able to enjoy ourselves however we wanted, so of course we all got very drunk.

my brain has been kind of empty as far as blog prompts go, so im sorry for the short entry.

update for those interested... my medication is doing its job and keeping me stable, but my depression has not improved. i dont expect things to magically get better, but i think part of me hopes that'll happen somehow. i need to get a job so i can not be broke and enjoy myself and i need to socialize more. the more i do, the more i realize how much i need it to feel full.

my birthday is coming up in december and ive been planning it since june or july. why? because its the only thing i've had to look forward to in my life lately. i realize it's a bit sad, but at least i wont have to stress about it weeks or days in advance (i will regardless, but i dont HAVE to.) i've been curating a playlist for the party to match the vibe and theme i'm going for. on my invitations, i wrote "dress code: sexy and sleazy" if that gives you any idea.
i've also been planning my outfit for some time now. i'm recreating an outfit charli xcx wore at one of her dj sets. its an all white outfit consisting of a long sleeve, tiny shorts, thigh high socks and knee high shoes. i think its perfect for what im going for, even if its a bit plain.

i drank a coffee earlier and i feel nauseous.

hi

i still feel weird. i upped the dosage of my medication recently so i need to give it time to really get in my system. some things have improved, some things havent. some things happened that i wont talk about but i will say sucks badly.

on a lighter note, i went to a party the other day. it was a birthday party for two people. they werent twins but they were born on the same day which is pretty cool. ive been trying to go out more and be more social and so far everything has gone okay. ive been reconnecting with old friends and thats been nice. its still scary for me but im improving. i dont talk much but i try, im grateful i get invited places every once in a while.

ive been listening to a lot of charli xcx lately, specifically two albums- how im feeling now and true romance. i love both of them but especially how im feeling now as of the last couple of weeks. she is a musical genius and despite brat i still believe shes underrated. granted, i only really got into her after brat, but i digress. i highly recommend those two albums. detonate is my favorite track off how im feeling now.

ive been becoming a depop warrior again. ive never talked about it on here before but i used to use depop religiously for a portion of time some years ago. recently ive gotten back into it. not so much selling as much as purchasing though, which is exciting and rare because i am broke as hell! i recently bought 2 shirts and a pair of micro shorts that are tumblr as fuckkkkk i wish i could show u guys ehehehe. ive been trying to upgrade my wardrobe because i enjoy dressing up, and i live in pajamas. i also recently bought a cd of visions by grimes which is an all time favorite album of mine, very happy about that.

i think thats all for now byebye

hi nekoweb

i have been feeling very weird the last few weeks. well months, but ESPECIALLY these last few weeks. i dont want to share too much detail but things have been weird and bad. i have a guess as to what may be the issue- my medicine, but i dont know for sure. regardless, i have been extremely anxious and irritable lately and its not fun.

aside from that, i revamped the site and i kinda hate it. its okay i'll figure out how to make it better.

thats all i have to share for now. wish me luck. meow.

hello nekoweb... im just gonna get right to it

i decided not to move after all. not for any bad reason (which a few people initially thought), but the truth is i just decided as much as i want to, its not time yet. i will eventually but im just not ready. it was a hard decision to make but i know its for the better. unpacking everything i already packed was a bitch, and i have yet to re-set-up all my trinekts. the majority of my apartment is put together thankfully, like my apartment decor and such, but my collection display is still a work in progress.

my psych meds havent been working i think. im okay, but i feel depressed and chronically bored again. the motivation to do absolutely anything is gone again. its okay though, because i dont do much anyway.

on a lighter note, i hang out with some friends on saturday! we are gonna have a sonic themed little get together. im not that into sonic, but they are! we are gonna eat chili dogs and sonic rings (funyuns (onion ring chips)). im excited.

i really wish i had more to share but my brain has been empty lately, so just a small update for now. thank you for reading if you do! byebye

hi nekoweb! ive been busy lately. i am moving away from my hometown soon which i am very excited for! but packing has been very stressful. i have a lot of things including trinkets and decor, art supplies, and just a general large array of stuff. my mom keeps insisting she will help me but she has yet to (though shes been busy working so i cant complain, its just a bit frustrating!). its been a bit difficult trying to figure out how i want things packed, because i try to stay very organized and i am very particular about everything i own. packing alone is good because of this reason but like i said, lots of items makes it very stressful for me. so much so that ive even had a few stress dreams!

the stress dreams have all been very... strange. two involved family members and one was purely a me scenario. in the dream, i was in a pediatric psych ward at 20 years of age. the most stressful part i remember was the children coming into my room and putting their grimey hands on my belongings. truly one of my biggest fears/peeves, especially considering i know how enticing my toys and collectables are for children. i also ended up running away from the military (?) and the dream ended with me flying up into the sky, into space, and waking up. it was very odd. the other two dreams were just straight up unpleasant so i will not be sharing lol. thankfully its been about a week and i have yet to have another, and ive caught up on my sleep since.

thats all i really have to share right now. wish me luck with moving! byebye ^_^

oh boy oh boy hello nekoweb its been a bit since ive updated u guys. where do i begin!
i'll start off with the traveling ive done. i flew to north carolina with my family for my aunts wedding, and oh my goodness it was so country and beautiful. she did hay bale seats outside for the ceremony, and the venue she went with had a lake and just the best scenery imaginable. the food was homemade bbq from the people who own the property (guess they offer catering too!)... the fried chicken was yummy af. i got a little too drunk but overall i had lots of fun and so did she :D

aside from the wedding, her now-husband owns a TON of animals including like 8 or something horses, cows, a donkey, farm cats, and what i assume were hunting dogs. along with that, my aunt personally has 3 cats and a dog in her home (though one of the cats is outdoors). if u havent already figured it out i really love animals so i had quite a hoot with interacting with all of them. did you know cows have rough tongues the same way cats do?? i found that out while i was there. very cool.

something really silly is that while i was over there i had a THICK southern accent. the funniest thing is that it disappeared within like, 2 days of being back home.

being back home has been hellish to be entirely honest. after maybe day 3 back i ended up in the psych ward for about 3 days/4 nights. that was also hellish but on the bright side not only did i check myself in but i checked myself out and got what i needed out of it so thats all that matters. long story short, my hometown is what i like to call "an echochamber of my trauma" and every time i leave and come back it is proven that i just cannot live here much longer. thankfully though i have plans to move down near the beach in just a few months so thats exciting! oh man did i even talk about the beach?? i dont think so.

i took a solo trip down to the beach during spring break and i truly had the time of my life. i spent most of it alone just exploring, visiting local art sites and other cute fun things, along with of course tanning and swimming and enjoying the coastal nature. there was one day i went to the beachside bar that was PACKED full of people (i had been spending my time on a private beach area prior) and made some buddies for that day. they were all queer girls! it was awesome. the house i stayed in was in a neighborhood just an hour away, and the house across from me had a SHIT TON of cats which i frequently visited and slowly earned the trust of. im pretty sure one of them imprinted on me TwT i miss them and i hope they remember me when i go back.

right now i am just dealing with the side effects of my new medication (which is a mix of drowsiness and restlessness so im sure u can imagine the suffering i am facing right now aha help me). soon over the next month or so i will be slowly packing my things. bae's birthday is next week and i have been working on her gifts so i am excited for that also.

okay i think thats all for now. i missed this place a lot. hi nekowebbers and soniwebbers hi and bye.

hello nekoweb its been a bit meow i missed you. i really enjoy the time i spend on this website but i tend to take breaks between using my pc because it is such an overload of stimulation lol. anyway hi! i just ate dinner i made tteokbokki soup and ive had a nice week to myself. ive been thrifting for clothes and going to daiso for storage for all my art supplies. my pc/art room is very messy and has been in the middle of unpacking since i moved into this apartment over a year ago lol.

i wanna say i went to the rodeo 3 or 4 times in the 3 ? weeks it was in town. i love fair rides and farm animals and something about the smell of fair food and menure is just so oddly comforting... or nostalgic... i really love the rode for so many reasons.

i got lots of photos, here are a few of my favs :D!

my mind has gone blank... i will update this entry if i think of more to say for today but if not that is all. see u later!

hello nekoweb... long time no see...... meow
im sitting here trying to think of what to say and struggling. this has been a big reason why i haven't updated my website- so apologies!! this has been a problem in all aspects of my life i feel like i have nothing interesting to share.

anyway, there ARE things to share, and i like to keep yall (the void) updated. a lot has happened since november. christmas and new years came and went, they were spent with my girlfriend (and also my family on christmas). i got a printer! with a scanner and copier and it can print over wifi! (although that last one's pretty common now that im thinking about it). i had been asking for one for some time now so YAY! wife got me re-ment blind boxes!!! i went a little crazy and bought a bunch more for myself afterward... i was really excited considering they arent easy to come by TwT.

my 20th birthday was in december. many thoughts.

i had a nice little get together at my apartment with my girlfriend and 2 other friends. we did... typical party things... and it was nice catching up with those i hadn't seen in a while. we ordered pizza later into the night and we also got bread sticks and dessert!!! i think this was a step up from my last birthday (sucked kinda it had its nice moments) so im grateful.

as sappy as it may seem, it's a considerable milestone for me to have made it as far as i have and be at the level of contentness (?) that i am. i have a lot of negative feelings towards myself and my upbringing, but the fact that im even here today is beyond an accomplishment, and id like to say im proud of myself. i wish i could give advice to my child self and tell them things get better. maybe that isn't entirely true, because some things are objectively worse now as a young adult, but its safe to say the pain has become a lot more tolerable.

i spent a lot of time last year being a recluse, but the last 2 or 3 months or so i've been slowly going out more and more, and im proud but also a little scared and maybe i should be more aware of that fear. scared because a lot of it involves drinking! and i have a feeling my relapse on weed is 100% directly correlated. but thats a conversation for another day. i've already decided to slow down on my alcohol so hopefully i'll muster the strength for weed again in due time. im glad im at least socializing, and with people i feel comfortable being sober around. my alone time is still sacred though. the speed at which my social battery drains has decreased a little bit, and im trying to learn my own social boundaries and limits as a pushover-in-remission. saying no to people and wanting approval from people i dont need it from is quite the thing to unlearn!

sorry for the venting- a lot has been on my mind and i dont vent much. even though im not sharing very much on here i appreciate the anonymity this gives me, opening up to people is hard but bottling things up is bad. i was going to follow that with "writing in my diary in the 3rd person seems weird" but... its literally MY DIARY who gaf i should 100% start doing that. its helpful to get thoughts outside of my head even if its to the void.

i think thats all for now

p.s. this country's president sucks fat nuts. the world does not feel real. save us all. get me outta here.

hi blog hi soniweb so long story short i would like to revamp my site a bit... im not as happy with the layout as id like to be and ive learned a bit more at this point in the last couple of weeks ive been building the site, so im planning some alterations. i just feel like things are too cluttered in some places and too spaced out in others, really id just like to reorganize the layout because i feel like its a bit weird and hard to follow. for now the website will stay up but my index page will be updated once im reconstructing :]

anyway, just wanted to share that. layout changes aside, thanksgiving is next week and im pretty excited! this is my first time making something for the dinner- bread rolls!! also, last thanksgiving me and wifey spent with our families individually, so this one is our first together which im also very excited for ^^

i have also gotten back into using my 3ds. a friend of mine introduced me to pretendo, a revival for n*ntendo servers on older consoles :D we've been playing mario kart 7 a bit hehe. ive also downloaded some new games like rythm heaven and taiko no tatsujin, and got to check on my tomodachi save and style savvy as well.

i think thats all i have to share for now... byebye

i made bread with my wife! well okay i made it and she watched and washed some dishes LOL. regardless the bread was yummy and she enjoyed it. i used this recipe! ive made this bread before, but this time i added garlic butter so it would pair well with the pasta i made for dinner :D

aside from the bread, im showing wifey NANA- my favorite anime ever (and one of the few i enjoy). she cant believe they arent gay and neither can i. she gets it. headcanon? you mean canon? they gay as hell. shes really enjoying it so far. she said jsut now "this show gives me the zoomies" and she wants shoji to die (real). we are about halfway through ep 17 as i type. o_o

i feel like im out of things to say for now. im hungry... ok bye

me and wife were scared awake by the fire alarm in my bedroom!! nothing is on fire but my apartment complex is doing fire safety checks and testing every single alarm. i can hear the ones in the other buildings as i type. thankfully i knew it wasnt a fire but i cant say i wasnt startled (i am still shaking). they just did it again two seperate times just now like 20 seconds apart in the middle of my typing thing im losing it i gotta leave the apartment. THEY FUCKING DID IT AGAIN A MINUTE LATER AND MADE IT LAST LIKE A SOLID MINUTE im going to K!|_|_ myself i should finish this and leave okay this is it i had more to say but i'll do it later goodbye

my eyes are watering i have been coding since my last entry so roughly the last 8 and a half hours... horray! im done for the night
goodnight soniweb even though nobody here... i think o.o

i want yogurt

finally started doing stuff on here since my last update in august. feeling down today and as of late because of... well if u know u know lol.

anyway, i added my profile page. it's still a WIP but thats at least There now. unsure what else to say- my head has been empty since tuesday... my spotify discover weekly is kinda ass right now. womp.

i think thats all for now. will add another blog update when more happens. i also need to start using it as a proper blog but i think i've been discouraged from doing that because my website is still in such a rough stage. i should just say #fuckit though. okay bye.

hi ive been working on this website for a few hours already today. my eyes burn and im getting frustrated. im also getting sleepy. meow idk what else to say other than i am doing this and i wanted to add a blog entry stating that i am actively working on the website. ok bye