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Imagebread dreams Imagenot that person, i promise Imageart tax evasion Imageportland's worst donuts Imagei'd rather be in rajneeshpuram Imagemodern baseball dating Imagetimbers war crimes Imagemt. tabor
8 × 2.4 inRed bumper sticker that reads "Honk if we’re in the Rt 26 tunnel" in cream and turquoise lettering, with "Sharing a moment of whimsy while enduring the crushing horror" along the bottom.
i. Honking Against the Darkness

read moreEach day I wake up to news of yet another senseless horror inflicted upon us by the inept capitalist class running the country. It is easy to be swallowed up by a sense of hopelessness. For me, there's one time I still can kindle warmth in my heart: when you and me honk our little hearts out in that godforsaken tunnel. Honk honk comrade.

$10.00

8 × 2.4 inYellow bumper sticker in black italic serif capitals that reads "McMenamins is using dark money to fund the rightsizing agenda. They want to buy our schools and fill them with quirky bars and cajun tater tots."
ii. Rightsize Agenda

read moreSomething foul is afoot in Portland public schools and it smells an awful lot like cajun tater tots.

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8 × 2.4 inCream bumper sticker in red and turquoise lettering that reads "Portland Oregon, middle-aged skateboarder capital of America," with "Rarely graceful, always grateful" on a red band along the bottom.
iii. Skater Retirement Home

read moreNothing makes me happier than watching someone's parent land a kick-flip. They've got bad knees and good vibes. They came to Portland to find the pixelated promised land Tony Hawk's Pro Skater promised and I hope they never leave.

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8 × 2.4 inRed bumper sticker in cream and pale blue lettering that reads "At this point it’s kind of like you’re feeding cats to the local coyotes."
iv. Coyote Charity

read moreLook, I'm just saying there's a correlation between the rise in coyote population in the metro area and the number of missing cat posters.

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8 × 2.4 inBumper sticker over a close-up photo of a wide-eyed, smiling woman that reads "Why would I deceive you?" in yellow capitals.
v. Not That Person, I Promise

read moreWhy wouldn't you trust someone who has committed large scale fraud by promising an impossible medical technology? Why aren't more rich liars help accountable? Why isn't it legal to simply take a duck from the park home if they're just sitting there?

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8 × 2.4 inBumper sticker over a red-toned photo of a crowd in red robes that reads "I'd rather be in Rajneeshpuram. Culturing salmonella in a clandestine wet lab."
vi. I'd Rather Be in Rajneeshpuram

read moreI've heard Rajneeshpuram is a spiritual and physical oasis in the Central Oregon mountains with an excellent salad bar. What's there not to love?

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10 × 3 inGreen bumper sticker that reads "Are we dating the same guy?" next to a halftone photo of the Portland Pickles mascot with a fan in the stands.
vii. Modern Baseball Dating

read moreDating in Portland is hard and now I have to deal with this? Who else is being played by this pickle?

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8 × 2.4 inGreen bumper sticker in yellow serif lettering that reads "I've lived in Portland for 9 years and I've never been downtown."
viii. Downtown

read moreLook I know it's called bridge town but I've never crossed a bridge and I'm not going to start now.

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10 × 3 inBlack and white bumper sticker that reads "Nature is dying!!" over typewritten text about poisoned rivers, oceans and lakes and ecology as the whole wheel, with "The city of Rajneeshpuram; my welcome to you, America's first enlightened city" in a box along the bottom.
ix. The Earth is Doing Fine

read moreThis sticker was never released due to declining sentiments towards the Rajneeshees, possibly motivated by increasing American religious intolerance or their 1984 bio-terror attack in The Dalles. But they knew a thing or two about the environment.

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10 × 3 inBlack and white bumper sticker that reads "Follow me to Nirvana," over typewritten praise for Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh and the city of Rajneeshpuram, next to a ring of circles, with "Sitting in a car you are not needed to do anything, you are simply sitting" along the bottom.
x. Rajneesh Roundup

read moreI have recently come into possession of a trove of Rajneesh materials from a trusted source in Antelope. (I met him in a Discord group for World of Warcraft addicts.) It is said Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh himself had these on several of his prized Rolls Royce and soon you can have it on your 2011 Subaru Forester that's had it's check engine light on for months.

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8 × 2.4 inOrange sunburst bumper sticker that reads "I bought this bumper sticker instead of paying my art tax," with a cartoon paint palette.
xi. Art Tax Evasion

read morePortland's number 1 crime is art tax evasion. Participate in this honorable tradition by buying this sticker instead of paying yours.

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8 × 2.4 inBlue bumper sticker in yellow capitals that reads "The Timbers Army violated the Geneva Conventions and I can prove it."
xii. Timbers War Crimes

read moreIt has taken me many years to gather it but I have the evidence now. The 107 is not what it seems and the only way I can share the truth is through this sticker.

$10.00

8 × 2.4 inYellow bumper sticker that reads "Centennial Mills was an inside job."
xiii. Centennial Mills Conspiracy

read moreDon't let the fat cats at city hall convince you otherwise. That mill was made of space age steel and a fire could never have brought it down.

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8 × 2.4 inBumper sticker that reads "Ted Wheeler ran over my dog and all I got is this bumper sticker," with a cartoon peach.
xiv. Ted Wheeler Did This

read moreLegally speaking, this is a parody sticker. It is a not a true story that politician Ted Wheeler ran over my Golden Retriever on Ankenny and then handed me this sticker from a large stack he keeps in his glove compartment.

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8 × 2.4 inBumper sticker that reads "My other car is a burnt out RV parked on Marine Drive," with a snail, flowers and a rainbow.
xv. My Other Car

read moreHaving a second car in these uncertain economic times is pretty impressive, even if it has minor fire damage and is parked on the side of the road permanently.

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8 × 2.4 inBumper sticker that reads "Make the bread spin faster" next to the bakery building with the loaf of bread sign on its roof.
xvi. Bread Dreams

read moreAustin stood across the street, breathing in the scent of freshly baked bread on the cool autumn breeze. The street lights cast him in a warm light. His eyes were fixed on the slowly rotating bread. He knew what he had to do it. It had to go faster.

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8 × 2.4 inYellow bumper sticker that reads "Dillon T. Pickle owes me child support. You can't keep saying he's not yours. You're the only pickle I've ever made love to," with two crying pickles.
xvii. Pickle Lovers

read moreMy mom told me he was a sour guy, but he tasted sweet like bread and butter.

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8 × 2.4 inBumper sticker that reads "This car climbed Mt. Tabor. Only in Portland, Oregon," with a waving cartoon mountain.
xviii. Mt. Tabor

read moreI don't know why people think a Wednesday night is the time to be dancing in the road, but by god I wasn't going to let those hippies stop me from getting to the top. I was disappointed that no one celebrated my achievement so I made this sticker for myself. Wear it proud.

$10.00

8 × 2.4 inBrown bumper sticker that reads "Don't honk at me! I've got irritable bowel syndrome (and a gun!)"
xix. No Honking

read moreI'm driving fast so I don't shit my pants. You're driving fast because it's fun. We're built different.

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8 × 2.4 inBumper sticker that reads "In this car we root for the bull at the annual Sisters Rodeo. America's finest display of yee-haw nihilism!" with a cartoon bull throwing its rider.
xx. Sisters at the Rodeo

read moreThat bull dream of freedom the same way you crave social media likes. We respect it. We honor it.

$10.00

8 × 2.4 inYellow bumper sticker that reads "There are mole people living in the water towers. They're up there listening to Alanis Morissette's Jagged Little Pill on repeat," with a water tower circled in red.
22. Water Towers

read morePortland's famous water towers are more than just beautiful, they're homes to the mysterious mole people.

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8 × 2.4 inYellow bumper sticker in Celtic lettering that reads "The Unipiper owes me child support. Your son needs braces not bagpipes."
23. Unicyclist Drama

read moreSome people are so caught up in the flaming bagpipes they don't see the unicyclist beneath. And he's hot.

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8 × 2.4 inBlack and white bumper sticker that reads "I got stabbed at the Oregon City Municipal Elevator. A city that lifts your up!" between two drawings of the elevator tower.
24. Oregon City Elevator

read moreOregon City has the only municipally owned elevator in the United States. I was also stabbed inside it.

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8 × 2.4 inGreen and orange bumper sticker with psychedelic scrollwork that reads "Do it in a HiAce. Your living saloon!"
25. HiAce Living Saloon

read morePortland, OR has the highest number of imported Japanese vans per capita. While folks tell you they buy them for offroading their real use is a mobile shaggin wagon.

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8 × 2.4 inYellow bumper sticker that reads "Make the bread spin slower" next to the loaf of bread sign on the bakery roof.
28. Counter Revolutionaries

read moreEvery great movement has opposition. Some dream of a bread that crawls through the sky, its rotations a carefully considered dance in slow motion. Barely perceptible at first glance. Only noticed by those who care to stare.

coming soon $10.00

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