about(me)

Hello, people on/of the internet! I’m... well, it’s the internet, so you can call me Seth, Vaeseth, Aseth, or Asethcore—whatever you want to. But my real name is Anurag. All these names mentioned anywhere on this webpage are just me. Not different parts of me, but just me in my entirety; it’s not that each name holds a different aspect of who I am. I don't care what you call me, it’s up to you.

A little about me: I’m an electronics student—not the bright kind, just a guy who, for some reason, is studying electronics even though he has never really been involved with electronics stuff before. I was a CS student before I made the pivot to electronics, thinking that it might actually make me feel like I can make things out of it. But alas, I have realized it’s not the subjects that I care about or the job they will land me (if they do). I only care about what I want to do for my own sake—something that I will use for myself. That’s what interests me the most. I don’t like working for others if I am not interested in their work, but apparently, that’s what I will have to do if I want to live a decent life, which sucks. But I think it can be managed; people are managing somehow, and I guess I will too. Still, I don’t want to settle for this, and I won’t.

In my free time, I like to watch movies, play games, read books, write sometimes, and listen to music. My interests revolve around these as well. I hope to make my own movie someday, and I hope that it’s my masterpiece. But don’t be disappointed if I don’t make it or am not able to make it, because I won’t be disappointed either. Not because it isn't something I'm passionate about—I am passionate about it—it’s just that I’ve grown out of being disappointed about everything. I get that disappointment is a part of life, and you can only accept it if you can’t change it.

There's this: I don't know why I am even studying this subject. I think of it every now and then—I think that I could be doing any different coursework, but I would still be wondering the same thing. I don't expect anything out of these degrees; they won't be a part of what I actually want to do or how I actually want to live. It's just like a predetermined path everyone goes through, and I am going through it as well.

But this question doesn't eat at me; it doesn't bother me at all. I am too tied up in the present to think about what will become of it in the future. In my head, it's like if I don't make it work, I will just vanish. I'll travel from country to country, stay there, work in local stores or something, earn enough to live for a year or two, and explore everything I want to explore—everything I find interesting. Maybe I'll meet new people; I don't care if they are the pretentious kind or the genuine kind, I just want to be there to feel it.

Maybe that's what I'll do when I reach the end of the rope. There is no real end to it, just a fading out of existence with me. I see things, I wish things.

Anyway, this is me. I will keep posting from time to time (not every week or every month)—mostly when there’s something that’s been on my mind for a long time, or when I think it’s been quite some time since i last posted anything.