Subscribe
🐐 Become a Member of This Website
Get episodes early. Get bonus stuff. Get way too emotionally attached.
And don’t get confused about the $2/day ads we’re running – that’s a separate thing… but worth it.
Why Subscribe to This Website?
- You get early access to new episodes (episodes are always free)
- You unlock behind-the-scenes featurettes
- You get discounts on merch (which exists, and that’s not your fault)
- Have conversations with The Couch
- And most importantly… You’re supporting the weirdest, goat-iest, most couch-centered series online
👀 Want episodes before everyone else?
Of course you do.
You’re not here because you enjoy being patient.
When you join 2Dollar.TV as a member, you get early access to episodes, bonus content, and discounts on merch that probably shouldn’t exist—but absolutely does.
You can cancel at any time. You must cancel before your next subscription term begins because we just don’t have the staff to go around. We’re on a shoe-string budget here. The cat might be able to order CUE Broadcast, but it’s terrible at administration – wrinkled pages, catnip… it’s a scene.
Choose your tier based on how impatient you are – we have four levels because… no idea:
🐈 Cat: $2/month
- Shows up when it feels like it
- Silently judges everything
- Gets 2-day early access, says nothing about it
- “You’re here. You’re quiet about it. But you’re watching.”
You get:
- Episodes 2 days early
It’s 2Dollar.TV. You saw this coming.
🤖 Robot Vacuum: $7/month
- Always working behind the scenes
- Smooth, reliable, slightly unsettling
- 5-day early access + rotating featurettes
You get:
- Get episodes 5 days early
- Access to rotating featurettes that are 70% behind-the-scenes, 30% chaos.
You’re low-profile but everywhere at once.
🛋️ The Couch: $9/month
- Central to everything
- Knows too much
- 7-day early access + all bonus content + merch discounts
- Possibly sentient
You get:
- 7 days early access
- ALL featurettes, all the time
- Access to The CouchGPT
- Discounts on merch (like that Pickles mug you don’t need but deeply deserve). Basically, you’re funding goat-based art.
You’re not just watching the show. You are the emotional architecture.
🔒 The Couch Forever: $94/one-time
No monthly fees. No expiration. Just you and the couch. Forever.
You get:
- Everything in The Couch tier
- Locked in for life
- Eternal respect (or at least acknowledgment) from the sentient furniture
Make the commitment Mark’s afraid to.
Introducing The CouchGPT
He’s seen your life. He’s judged your shows. Now he’s ready to talk.
- Ask the Couch anything. Get dry, sarcastic wisdom.
- Discover hidden lore from the 2Dollar.TV universe.
- Hear what he really thinks about Goat Sabotage, Mark, Linda… and you.
- Exclusive to members of The Couch tier (monthly for forever).
“Judgment, sarcasm, and goat opinions—now available 24/7.”
What “Uprights” (You/Us) Are Fake Saying About The CouchGPT
“I asked The CouchGPT if I should change careers. It asked if I was emotionally stable enough to sit through Goat Sabotage Regionals. I wasn’t. I changed nothing. Still five stars.”
– Denise from Apartment 4B
“I came here for advice. I left with a weird respect for inanimate objects. The CouchGPT told me to stop dating baristas and start composting my emotions. It… helped?”
– Dave, former Team Linda supporter
“I’ve had therapy, coaching, and three vision boards. None of them told me the brutal truth like The CouchGPT did: ‘You’re not tired. You’re just chronically underwhelming.’ I cried. Then subscribed.”
– Kayla
“It understands me. Finally. Somebody… or something… gets me. I mean, it didn’t say that, but I could tell.”
– Mark (probably)
Why Join 2Dollar.TV?
- Because you want to maybe drop spoilers and be “that person”
- Because you believe in emotionally complex comedy
- Because Pickles is depending on you
- Because your couch already knows you will
It’s cheap.
It’s unhinged.
It’s somehow both ridiculous and heartfelt.
It’s 2Dollar.TV.
Become a member.
Be a little early.
Be kind of legendary.
🗣️ Fake Testimonials
These are totally “real.” We promise. Definitely not written by Mark. 😄
“I subscribed at the $2 level and my skin cleared up.
Probably unrelated. But still.”
— Maggie T., former cable user, current legend
“The $11 tier gave me access to content and the confidence to end a toxic group chat.”
— Jeremiah W., recovering binge-watcher
“I don’t even watch the show.
I just like feeling superior to people who wait seven days.”
— Clarence B., probably owns a telescope
“I laughed. I cried. I ordered merch I’m not emotionally prepared for.”
— Alina V., signed up during a moment of weakness, never looked back
“I subscribed at $7. Now my robot vacuum, listens to me.”
— Anonymous, and definitely not a couch
🧭 Not Sure Which Tier to Pick?
Start at The Cat.
Work your way up.
Or just jump straight into Couch Forever and don’t look back.
(Unless you hear the robot vacuum, start moving. Then definitely look back.)
