Adoption Day

Signing Papers

Miriam is trying to pick a stuffed animalOur Family

We were almost the last ones to get to court on the day of Miriam's adoption. Some of the people coming had to drive more than an hour, but we live about three minutes away. We got to court about 8:40am and it was pretty cold outside and we had to stand in a line of people waiting to go through the metal detectors for jury duty. While we were waiting, we saw my sister Catherine and her kids and my niece Lily walking up, and I got so excited to see them! We went through the metal detectors then and turned right and looked down the hall, and I could see Chuck's parents and my parents and my sister Marie, and I got even more excited. When we walked down the hall we hugged everyone and I felt pretty emotional. It felt very unreal. Chuck's sister and her husband and their daughter were there also, and some of our friends . It meant so much to us to have our family and friends there that day. I said we were lame to be almost the last ones there, but they were all worried about being late, I guess, and we were just out of it. I mean, I had to do my hair, you know, and how can you function on a day that you have waited four and a half years for, I just don't know.

Our attorney came and brought Miriam a cute brown teddy bear and I think I held it almost the entire time we were waiting. The plan was that our judge would meet with the attorneys from 8:45 to about 9:15 and then do our adoption before his regular calendar started at 9:30. But we waited and waited that day, and didn't know why, until finally our attorney came outside, after other cases had been called for more than an hour, and told us that we were missing a form and they had been trying to track it down. Our caseworker had filed his adoption report with the court and had said he was filing the form asking for an amended birth certificate, but it wasn't there. They were calling back and forth and eventually decided that they could go ahead anyway. All that time I just thought there was a delay, I didn't know anything was wrong, but I was starting to get really anxious and uptight anyway. I am glad we didn't know what was happening.

While we were waiting everyone stood around and talked and Miriam ran and ran and ran up and down the hall, in her good Christmas dress. She also laid on the floor and slid around on her tummy. Chuck followed her and was very patient, and we had to block her at both ends of the hall. It was exhausting, but she finally started to run out of steam. The other kids were very good, and very patient.

So finally we were called to go into the court room, and our families came in too, and we all sat down. Then the judge came and stood in front of the table where there were two chairs for us, and we came up with Miriam. First they swore us in. Just like on TV. Then the judge gave us the adoption form and told us to check and make sure all the information was correct, like names and addresses, and then told us to sign it.

Then he asked Chuck, "Are you willing to be Miriam's father, as if she was born to you, with all the rights and responsibilities that come with that?" Yes. "And do you have your wife's permission to do so?" Yes. Then he asked me, "Are you willing to be Miriam's mother, as if she was born to you, with all the rights and responsibilities that come with that?" Yes. "And do you have your husband's permission to do so?" I was crying by this time and looked at Chuck for him to say yes, but then realized I was supposed to answer, and said, Yes. The clerk found some Kleenex for me, which is so funny, I'm surprised I didn't think of that. Then the judge said that he had gone over the forms with us and witnessed that we had signed them. He said that we had agreed to be Miriam's parents, and then said Miriam's name, with her new (not so new) last name.

Every child that goes into that courtroom gets to choose a stuffed animal, and so Miriam got to go behind our table toward the Judge's stand, and there were stuffed animals lined up on the floor and on his stand. She didn't quite know what to do though, so the judge grabbed this beautiful fat lamb with the softest wool and gave it to her, and it is now with the menagerie on her bed. They also allowed the photographers to stand facing us so they could take pictures. When we were done we came around the table and stood with the judge and took pictures in front of the state seal. Chuck was holding Miriam and when we were done he put her down and she went over to the judge and hugged him around his knees. He picked her up and she hugged him some more and then we took another picture with him holding her. That was pretty great.

Our family tells us that the court reporter and the bailiff smiled a lot and seemed to enjoy it. We left then, and some people had to leave, but we went with my parents and sisters and nieces and nephews to get breakfast, although it was almost lunchtime by then. Chuck's parents left, but gave us the white dress Grandma had made for Miriam to wear to the temple and to church to be blessed. It was so perfectly beautiful! We had a great time at the restaurant, but I found that I was very very tired. Miriam still had some energy though, which is good. She took Chuck to go potty many times that day and I don't think she ever went once.

We went home then and I said, "Goodbye, it was nice knowing you," and went to bed and passed out. Chuck and Miriam were energized though, and did a bunch of yard work. That day I couldn't really take in what happened, but the next day I did feel different! I did feel like, for the first time, calling our daughter her full name, and called her that several times that day. I felt like we were official, like we were a real family, not just saying we were. Now, I know we were a real family before, but this did matter. I was surprised that the adoption was like a wedding ceremony, and I was surprised by how sweet it was, and will never forget what it felt like to stand there in front of the judge and promise to be Miriam's mom. What an amazing thing. I haven't been able to be pregnant yet, and have missed out on that, but how amazing was this experience, and I would never trade that for anything.

We love Miriam so much, and we could not love her more if she had been born to us, and now she is our daughter as if she had been born to us, and there is no difference, but what a cool story we have to tell her.

Our Adoption is Finalized!

I have not had a chance to write about this, and I think I will write more later, but I just want to say that Miriam's adoption was finalized on December 9, a great day, and then we were able to go to the temple to be sealed on Saturday December 13, and Miriam was blessed in church on the 14th. Our family is ours now, and we are so happy. What a blessing it has been, and we are so grateful for the support of our family and friends.

Merry Christmas!

Here's our Christmas tree. With the harp next to the tree, I can see the music without turning a light on. We left cookies and milk out for Santa on the little table to the right.

Kitty's behind the harp, wondering when she will get her stocking. Every year when she hears the jingle bell on the bottom of her stocking she comes running to see what Santa brought her.Miriam got her first barbie this year! And an Aquadoodle pad, which is so fun.

We opened presents in shifts. After the Noah's Ark toy we had to take time out to play, and then everything came to a halt when she opened up Grandma and Grandpa's set of foam Alphabet letters. Then she just wanted to play with them.Later in the day we went to Grandma and Grandpa's house. We loved seeing our family and sharing gifts and playing music.

It's a Small World

We went to Disneyland on December 21, the day they turned on the Christmas lights. We had such a great time with Miriam. It was her first time, and we hadn't been in a really long time either, so it was a wonderful way to celebrate my birthday.Miriam fell asleep in the afternoon, while Chuck was carrying her on the River Boat, which was amazing. She never does that, so we took pictures for evidence.

Miriam was tall enough to go on the Matterhorn, which was really exciting. She was excited and scared at the same time, and I kind of was too. We loved It's a Small World, which was decorated for Christmas. All the little people were singing Jingle Bells! Miriam got to ride in a boat, which was pretty cool. We went up the Tarzan Tree House, and a Black panther or something jumped out at us, and scared Miriam. So ever since we went to Disneyland she has been signing Boat, for It's a Small World, and making a roaring sound and motion for the panther. One day I was singing Jingle Bells, and she signed boat and I couldn't figure out why, and then I remembered they sang that on It's a Small World. She remembers Disneyland still almost every day and talks about the boat and the panther, and we talk about the fast rides, and how she drove a car in Autopia. So fun.

More Halloween, or rather, Halloween Night, and Yes, This is So Out of Order

We had a great time trick or treating with cousins and Grandma and Grandpa and Auntie this year. Miriam was all about the candy. We had a lot of fun walking all through the neighborhood. We liked the scary skeleton hanging from the lamp post down the street, and were led most of the way by Carissa, who totally got the trick or treating idea. When we got back home everyone sat at the table and dumped out their pumpkins and sampled everything. We thought the gummy body part candy was gross, but the rest was pretty great. We sorted out the peanut butter candy from Jacob's pumpkin, and I tried to do that with Miriam's candy, but she would NOT let me have it. We took out her peanut butter candy later, when she least suspected it.

I Suppose You're Wondering Why I've Called You All Here Today

Thanksgiving

We had a great Thanksgiving. We decided to stay home and were happy that Chuck's parents came also. Miriam was thrilled that two of her grandparents came to visit, and took charge of Grandma the entire time they were here. Come on! Come on! Come on! she would say, and Grandma would follow. They played the harp. Grandma even sat behind the harp so Miriam could show her how it worked. They looked at the trampoline and Miriam demonstrated it, and looked at Miriam's many toys. They successfully completed the long alphabet train puzzle, which to Miriam's consternation kept coming apart on our bumpy carpet. Then we sat at our little table and were quite happy to try everything, although I don't think Miriam ate too much of her Thanksgiving dinner after stocking up on chips and crackers and dip ahead of time.

I tried out a bunch of new things. I made an apple pie from scratch. Shocking. It had three kinds of apples in it, which was fun, and the top crust sank down as the apples cooked and after I took it out of the oven, so the top was quite bumpy. I also tried making stuffing from scratch, with homemade cornbread. I love cornbread, so I wanted to try it, but it was hard for me to cut up cornbread and use it for something else instead of just eating it! But Wednesday night we had some of it for dinner, so I felt better. We used the rest for the stuffing and baked it that night and then reheated it Thursday. I had too much cornbread so I ended up with a 9x13 and a pieplate of stuffing! Way too much stuffing. We made sweet potatoes and mashed them and added buttermilk, which made it taste really good. We made the mashed potatoes the night before, and then put them in the crockpot the next day to heat up. That is a really great way to make mashed potatoes.

Then on Thursday I decided to make spinach dip and consulted the websites again. Allrecipes.com and Martha Stewart were helping me out. Martha Stewart kept crashing that day though, too many turkey emergencies. Do you know all the news shows were having Thanksgiving Day call centers for turkey dilemmas? Experts standing by to answer all your questions. But I finally found a recipe for artichoke and spinach dip and went to get the stuff for it. When I got back we made it (awesome) and of course the turkey was cooking the whole time! We were glad Grandma and Grandpa came because we definitely had enough and have been enjoying the leftovers, but today Chuck said, "You know what I don't want for dinner?" I said, "Turkey?" Yes. So we had chili dogs, which Miriam thought was great.

Chuck got to cook a bunch of turkeys this week for the youth's project. They took thanksgiving dinners to families at church, and Chuck and a couple of the other men smoked the turkeys for them. Our yard and fridge smelled like smoked turkey from Tuesday to Thursday. We also cooked a few for our friends. I don't know how Risa could take all the good smells in her yard. On Tuesday I brought in a couple turkeys from the smoker, and Miriam said, "Ah! Ah!" pointing to her mouth very authoritatively, but I had to tell her that they weren't for us, and also that she should say "Eee! Eee!" instead. She did, but she still had to wait until Thursday.

We are grateful for our family, including all the aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents, and are thrilled that Miriam will finally be legally adopted this month! Details to follow.

A Charlie Brown Christmas

I added this song to the playlist in honor of the Psych Christmas episode we watched Friday night, in which the two goofs dance to it. We love that show, it makes us laugh and we're looking forward to its return in January. Monk will also be back. Their seasons are way too short!

Costume Day at School

Now this makes me smile.

Pumpkins

Yesterday we went to the Pumpkin patch and checked out the fat pumpkins. They were too big to pick up. Miriam rode some rides very solemnly. She sat in the swing and spun around and by the time the ride was over she was starting to smile at Mama and Papa and think it was pretty fun. Then we said we should go see the animals. We went to the petting zoo. We met a rabbit. Miriam smiled at me with wonder. Then we saw a fat black pig with a big belly. We looked at the chickens through the fence and met some goats. At first Miriam was worried but then she pet them. One goat was very friendly but Miriam ignored it as she followed another goat. Then I thought we should feed them and got a quarter out and one of the goats descended on us. Miriam fed the goats out of her hand but in all the excitement she stepped back and plopped down into the goats' water! So we left and went to the car. She walked funny all the way to the car with her pants soaked. We changed at the car. Too bad we forgot the camera, but we'll go back, we still have some tickets.

Miriam Jumps

Nonsense. Folderol.

Nonsense and folderol. That's what happens around here at bedtime. Rigamarole. Chuck says,

I don't know what words Mom's saying. That's monkey business.

Yes, that is what I am saying! Monkey business! That is what's going on around here.

Miriam, it's bed time.

Chase. Tackle. Undress. Kick. Arms in neck holes, arms in arm holes. Pull jammies up. Potty. Back to bedroom. Potty. Back to bedroom. Potty. Back to bedroom. Sign "where's blanket?"

"Go look for it. Ah, here's blanket!"

Wad up blanket, wrap arms around blanket, kiss blanket lovingly. Sign "Book." Dad reads book while Miriam turns pages too quickly. Throw Curious George off the bed. Put Curious George back on the bed. Rearrange all the animals on the bed. Tuck Brown Bear and Pink Bear into bed. Potty. Back in bedroom. Say prayers quickly. Petition for more books. Kick and yell when denied.

Head in bed! Head in bed!
Good night, Miriam, love you. Good night, Miriam, love you.

Hug. Kiss. Turn off light.

Shut the door! Go to bed! Turn off the light. You already went potty. Shut the door! Go to bed! Turn off the light.

Barricade door.

Turn off that light and get in bed.

Later, go in bedroom, pick Miriam up off the floor in front of the door, and put her back in bed. Hope she doesn't get up before six.

Picture Day

Today is picture day at school and we did Miriam's hair very carefully. She wanted the orange rubberband and two green butterfly clips. We took these pictures while we waited for the bus. Note the pink backpack which goes everywhere around the house and backyard.

Christmas Music!!!

I am super excited. I got a notebook full of music in the mail last week and have been practicing like mad, getting ready to play in a harp ensemble at the temple in December. It will probably be cold and our hands won't be able to move very well, and Chuck says we should wear gloves with the fingers cut out, and maybe we'll wear layers of black skirts, but who cares, it will be so neat. The only thing that will shut down the show is rain (or snow!)

Hugs

I have been having so much trouble dropping Miriam off at preschool. Sometimes when we get there she is happy, but then she refuses to get out of the car, and then gets out and lays on the asphalt parking lot (which is dirty!). Then when we get to the sidewalk she lays down again, or stops and looks at the playground through the chainlink fence. When we finally get to the gate, she sees the teachers and turns around and walks quickly away, or lays down and kicks (old standby).

So last week when she refused to walk away from the fence around the playground, I decided I was done persuading, ordering, and nudging and just picked her up. She immediately put her arms around my neck and pressed her face against my face so I couldn't really see where I was walking, and we walked like that to the gate, and then she peeled off me and went in with her teachers, and was happy. Siiigh.

When I went home I picked up the parenting book I had stopped reading, Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles, and learned about how kids aren't really out to get us! There is an emotion or need fueling behaviors or disagreements, and we need to set limits but also respond in an empathetic way, teaching kids more acceptable and respectful ways to express their feelings. This is what I read, and I'm trying to figure out how to do that, but I still have to finish the book. Also last week I met with a physical therapist who's going to work with us a little, and mentioned these things. She talked to me about transitions, and how they are probably hard for Miriam and how we can minimize her distress by talking and preparing her for what's going to happen next. Since we started trying to respond to her more kindly and patiently, (giving more hugs) everybody is happier at our house.

The Wheels on the Bus

Today is a big day. Miriam rode the bus for the first time! We decided to have her ride the bus in the mornings and then I will pick her up after school. Yesterday the lady from the district called and said, "So you want Miriam to ride the bus?" Yes. "Do you want her to be picked up starting tomorrow or Monday?" Tomorrow. Then I got so panicky I could hardly breath at the thought of sending her on the bus! This morning we talked all about the bus and got ready early, and looked at her artwork of buses and transportation she did in school in September, and talked about how she would get on the bus and I would pick her up after school. We waited in the living room and I was still pretty nervous, but Miriam was cool.

When the bus finally came, she ran out to it. Then we went on the bus and she just froze up and I had to nudge her forward to a seat, and then belt her in. I think she was thinking, "This is what it's like inside a bus, with these solemn children looking at us, and the funny teacher?" The bus driver is very nice, and there are about 4 other kids on the bus. The driver says they sing songs, learn the ABCs, and bark at dogs, so that should be fun. When I left the bus I tapped the window where she was sitting and she waved "Bye" to me as it drove off. I was a little in shock over the whole thing but I didn't cry like last year, after dropping her off at school for the first few days, so that's good.

After school we talked about the bus and looked at pictures again and she smiled and was excited about it. We practiced tapping on the window and waving Bye, and she thought that was funny. Hopefully the bus will still be fun on Monday when she finds out it wasn't just a one time thing!

Sometimes We Have to Learn to Say No

Wow, I feel like there is somebody new living in our house. On Monday Miriam started saying NO to us constantly, and each time Chuck and I look at each other and laugh in amazement. Who is this person with this voice? We have lived with her for four years and now we are hearing her pretty voice. I used to stand outside her bedroom when she was about one year old, when she woke up from her nap, and I would call, "Miriam!" and wait for her to say "Mom," but she never did, even though she listened to me and knew I was out there. Now after all that time, she calls me Mom, and Dad is Mom, and other people at church are Mom sometimes too (I think that is called generalizing) and it is so amazing. And now she has started to say No in answer to questions, and everyone laughs when we tell them what she is doing, like, that is a typical thing for a little child to do, but for us it is a miracle.

We love that she can say what she wants without crashing to the floor and kicking. Now when she does that, I can say, "Miriam, if you don't want something, just say no," and we love hearing No. We say "Good job saying No, Miriam." I realise this may change, of course, and we'll look forward to hearing "Yes."

Our House Is Spicy

So Miriam is studying about apples in school this month, and I looked up preschool ideas on the Internet. I found a recipe for applesauce cinnamon playdough, and we made it today. It's half cinnamon, half applesauce, very complicated. Mix until it feels like clay. So our house and my hands smelled like cinnamon.

Then I thought I would go on the computer and read my news stories and check out everyone's blogs, and was reading about Sam I Am, and thinking how funny Sammy is (from Catherine's blog), when Miriam came in and showed me her hands, which were VERY SPICY! I said, "Miriam, what did you do?!!" Then I thought about how Smokey Joe came over today and put a brisket on our smoker, and covered it in their spice rub, which is made of seasoning salt, pepper, paprika, who knows what else, but it is very aromatic. The container, a large shaker like the large container of cinnamon we had just "cooked" with, was on the counter, and I went in the kitchen and it was spilled all over the floor! Miriam tried to clean it up with some dry dish towels and then finally came in to get me, leaving red footprints on the carpet from the kitchen to the office. I guess she wanted to cook some more with spices like the playdough we made.

So I swept it all into a large pile and then since our dustpan fell apart a while ago and I got a fancy sweeper vacuum for the floor, I vacuumed it all up! It was like one of those shopping channels on tv, where they show how your vacuum could vacuum up piles of sand or legos. It sucked it right up, but I am sure it will smell like spices for a while or until we change the filter.

When I was done I looked around for Miriam. She was asleep on the couch, and her feet were encrusted with red spices.

Car and Mouse

Last Tuesday I took Miriam to school at 8:30 and then was going up the hill on the way home and the car started to lose power so I decided to move over to the shoulder and that is when it stopped going! I stopped on this wide part of the shoulder and then when I stepped on the gas nothing happened but the car started coasting backwards, which I thought was bad. So I called Chuck and he said to call the dealer for their towing service. When Chuck pulled up I got out of the car and turned around and looked back and saw that the shoulder had been very narrow and as I pulled over it got wider and wider until the car stopped, and we were in a pretty safe area. It looked like an exercise in perspective.

Anyway, later on in the day the guy from the dealer called and said that MICE had chewed up the wires in the car, and that is why it stopped! There was also dog food stored in the car engine, which if you ask me is not the best place to store food. Kind of funny, except for the part where the dealer says this is like an act of God and is not covered by warranty.

Those darn mice. Their days are numbered.

One week later we have fewer mice already, but I took Miriam to school on Monday and on the way home the car stopped going forward again. I got a little further this time, but ended up on the side of the road. A family in our ward pulled over when they saw me. Their daughter knows our car from babysitting for us. But I said I was waiting for Chuck and the tow truck, and they left. The tow truck driver came before Chuck could get there, and as I was standing on the side of the road with the car seat next to me my visiting teacher went driving by and turned around and came back to get me. The tow truck left and I sat in her car for a few minutes before it occurred to us that she could just take me home and Chuck could meet me there. It turned out that not only were the wires chewed up last week, but the transmission has some problem, so they are fixing it. It has been kind of funny and great how last week and this week people from church just keep stopping as we are on the side of the road, to see if we are okay.

Bop Bop Bop Bop Bop Bop Bop Twinkle Twinkle

Does your family have a theme song? Ours does. At least, I thought so and told our friends and Chuck that Twinkle Twinkle Little Star is our family theme song, because Miriam sings it at home and at school all the day long. On Sunday morning while Auntie Bonnie was here, Miriam sang it with me for the first time! She has been singing it for a while, but never with me. I heard her singing and joined in and we sang Bop bop bop bop bop bop bop, bop bop bop bop bop bop bop. Amazing, beautiful music! So I said that was our theme song, but Chuck said, "No, that might be Miriam's theme song, but that's not my theme song." I am still working on mine, but I think it might be "Warrior," by Kid Rock, which is a song written for the national guard, which you can download for free. I like it because, now this person might be a questionable role model, but I saw Jennie McArthy and Holly Robinson Peete talking one time about their kids who have autism, and about what they were doing for them, and Holly said that Jennie is a warrior mom, and I liked that a lot and it stuck in my head.

MomMom MomMom MomMom MomMom

I am now MomMom MomMom MomMom. Last Sunday after Church Miriam said MomMom MomMom in the car, and then signed blanket. "It's at home." Mom Mom Mom Mom, sign Dad. "Dad's at church." MomMom Mom Mom Mom. Point at turnoff for school. "Yes, that's where we go to school." MomMom MomMom MomMom dah! Point to the left. "Oh, yes, that's amazing!" Mom Mom Mom Mom! Point to the right. Yes, that's the airport.

This constant talking and conversation has been so productive that we have discussed how traffic signals work, and learned to say "Go!" and sign stop for stop signs and red lights, and have discovered where the airport is and have actually seen a plane flying in the air, and we always notice where we go to Miriam's dance class, and discuss whether we should go to the store or not. It's amazing and funny and I keep thinking about all the people that say, "One of these days she'll start talking and not stop, and you'll wish she hadn't," or something like that, and sometimes I almost think about saying, Okay Miriam, enough with the constant talking,and then I remember how amazing it is! And the thing is, it's not enough to say "Yes, Miriam?" She wants eye contact! How am I supposed to drive the car?

Yesterday we had a baptism and I led the music, and Miriam came up on the stand and went over to the side and stood behind the curtains on the window and was saying Mom Mom Mom Mom, and I couldn't see where she was when I was done. So this girl in the ward pointed over to the other side of the stand, where Miriam had ended up with her friend Jillian! Very naughty. I have a friend who calls walking up to the stand The Walk of Shame and it was her daughter who was up there with Miriam!

Miriam's First Talk

Today Miriam gave her first talk in Primary and we were so happy. She was assigned to speak about prayer, and this is what she said:

I can pray to my Heavenly Father anytime, anywhere.
This is how we get ready to pray.
“We bow our heads in prayer today.
We fold our arms together.
Then close our eyes, and while we pray
We talk to Heavenly Father.” (Do these motions)

There are special things we say when we pray.
“I begin by saying “Dear Heavenly Father”;
I thank him for blessings he sends;
Then humbly I ask him for things that I need,
In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.”

When I pray I thank Heavenly Father for my family,

my home, books, and music.
I ask him to help me in school, and to bless my family.

Hold up family photo; art project of Miriam's house;

one of her favorite books, Click Clack Moo, Cows

That Type (a work of genius); and a CD

I know that Heavenly Father hears my prayers.

Chuck read the talk for her and she held up the pictures. She was very solemn. By the end of the talk she started to move the microphone around a little, and think about saying some exciting stuff, but she did say Hi, and waved at me from under the book she was holding up.

When she was done I walked up and picked her up and she hugged me really tight and I took her back to her seat, but she didn't let go at first, and we whispered about how she gave her talk and how well she did, and she squeezed really tight.