Beautiful Girl

Here is my girl in her new Samoan dress. Our friends came to visit from Utah and brought it for her. Whenever I see her like this, I am amazed at how beautiful she is, and I suddenly remember where she comes from. She is ours, she is our family, our daughter, but then she puts on this dress, and there is this quality, something that is different, something we don't have, that she has. I guess that's adoption. As Ponyo's mother says, "The world is a strange and wonderful place." Or something like that. I never remember the exact quote, but I agree with it. The world is a strange and wonderful place, and people are complicated and amazing. I'm glad we are who we are.

Words, words, words

Words mean everything. What if you couldn't say them? What if you couldn't tell your mom about someone at school, or tell your parents what you want or that you see the moon outside the car window. (The boom, Mom, the boom.)

Tonight Miriam was saying someone's name. We thought she was saying her babysitter's name, which was the first name she learned to say. But I suddenly realized she was saying the name of a BOY in her class! He rides the bus with her! She was so happy to be saying his name, she said it over and over. Then she said the name of a little girl who also rides on the bus, and happily repeated those names. She spilled them out like she had been saving them up. She bounced around on the couch and then got up and danced a little.

No Excuses, No Apologies

On Monday I had my first harp lesson in almost three years. It was thrilling. I am still excited.

I found out that the harp camp I went to last year at University of Redlands is on again this summer. I can't go to camp again without having some lessons! Last summer I met a harp teacher who said I could come for lessons twice a month, but this year has been so busy, with Miriam adjusting to kindergarten, that I felt like I couldn't do it. It's an hour drive each way. But now I decided I better spring into action. So I emailed the teacher and she said I could start up this week, and I went on Monday.

The night before, I was silent. Chuck said, "Why are you comatose?" I said it was because I was tired, and nervous about my lesson. He said, "Well, just remember, no excuses, no apologies, that's what you always say." Ha! I was already planning some excuses and apologies in my head. So I had to agree with him.

No excuses, no apologies!

My teacher told me to bring everything I had, so I brought a pile of music and we looked at it and decided what to start on. I was so glad to have some direction, and some assignments and work to do. Chuck texted me right as I got to her house. "Remember you are very good." How lucky I am to have him!

Here is some of the stuff she told me.

First song, "Dreams." Play softer! This is not a nightmare, it's a dream! Play the glissandos softer on the right hand so you can hear the harmonics on the left. It's almost too fast. It should be dreamlike.

"Two Guitars." This is a good song for people who read novels (like me). Think of gypsies gathering around a campfire. At the end, they are leaping and dancing around the fire. Play the end fast, like a bat out of hell.

Scales: Look at the chords at the end of each scale. I was having trouble playing them. She said, what's the same about each chord? The top note stays the same, only moves once. Once I saw that the pattern was easy.

"Le Bon Petit Roi D'Yvetot:" She reminded me to play the piece as slow as the part I'm having trouble with, not start out fast and hit a brick wall and slow down. Many of the directions are in French. M.G. means left hand, M.D. means right hand. Rall. means rallantando, which I thought was like rallying, so I was speeding up and getting louder, and it means to slow down. She said all the words that start with R mean to slow down, like Ritardando. She reminded me this is a French children's tune, like Ring Around the Rosy, and at the end to picture the kids dancing, dancing, and all falling down. Play the end as fast as possible, without losing control, like a bat out of hell.

That is so great, I like saying that, like a bat out of hell. It makes me feel powerful. The harp is powerful. Towards the end she said, "Are you happy?" Oh yeah. I am.

The Soup Lid

Well hello, blog. How are you? I haven't seen you for a while.

Yesterday I had an exciting moment. I picked up the mail. Oh, the possibilities. What will be in there today? And I hadn't done it for a few days, so there was a stack of mail.

I brought it in the house and piled it on our bed. Chuck was sitting next to the bed playing video games and supervised as Miriam and I sorted through the pile. So many pictures of food for Miriam to point out! I was excited because I had seen a small brown padded envelope with my mom's writing on it. As I pulled it out of the pile, my fingers could feel a round shape inside the envelope.

Aha! The soup lid. A while ago after my mom had been sick, I took them some soup in one of those round reusable containers. I went to visit last Sunday, and Mom said, "What do I have to give to you?" as I was leaving. The soup container! But she couldn't find the lid. I said, "that's okay, maybe we have a spare lid at home." We always have lids with no containers and containers with no lids. So I went home, and yesterday the lid appeared in the mail.

This week I am helping with our ward roadshow and on Wednesday we had a dress rehearsal. I was so wound up afterwards I couldn't sleep that night, and so I had a big nap yesterday. Then when it was time to go to sleep last night, I was laying awake in bed. Ever since I was little, sometimes late at night when I try to go to sleep the anxiety level is too high. If I close my eyes the world gets huge and dark and I feel disoriented. If I open my eyes everything comes into focus and gets small again. That happened last night. I felt so nervous but was so tired, and everytime I closed my eyes I would feel that huge swooping anxiety.

So I thought, maybe I should get back up. Hot chocolate. Novel. So I reached over to my bedside table for my glasses, and my hand rested on a round shape. The soup lid. All of a sudden I smiled. Mom sent me the soup lid in a brown envelope in the mail! I smiled. And all of a sudden felt better. In the light from my clock I looked at the round lid. After a while I was able to go to sleep.