Leah Raye

Now that my sweet baby is 6 months old I should probably take the time to document her sweet arrival. We found out that a baby would be joining us pretty early, and Steven and I cannot keep secrets so everyone else found out early too!  It was a long 9 months to wait!  I had her in the hottest summer Utah has ever seen!  I was huge and miserable!  We went to the ultrasound not knowing if it would be a boy or girl.  With Claire I knew it was a girl and I knew it would be Claire.  As we watched the ultrasound I couldn't believe how photogenic this baby was. She happily posed and wiggled the way we needed her too and quickly found out that she was a girl!  She was also a tiny girl and my due date was pushed back to August 9th.  The date sounded familiar to us but we couldn't connect anyone's birthday to it was pushed out of mind.  As we waited for my follow up appointment we narrowed down a name for the peanut.

I like to know what we are naming our kids before they get here.  Call me a planner but I refused to leave the office without deciding for sure.  We have a few boys names and are going to name our first boy after my grandpa Glen, who passed away a few years ago.  We had been discussing girl names but every name I brought up Steve would respond with, "Yeah I like that, I just wouldn't name my kid that!"  WHAT!?  Leah had been a name we both liked but couldn't find a middle name that worked.  As I was sitting in the doctor's office the thought came to me, "if we were going to name the boy after grandpa, why not name the girl after grandma?"  And as a result the buggy was named, Leah Raye Bonney, after my grandma Raye Dean Campbell.

In the doctors office we also realized that the 9th was our anniversary!  And I refused to share that day!  We also found out my doctor would be out of town for that day.  I had Claire 6 days early so I was determined to have the baby sooner than the expected date of arrival.  My doctor was leaving on the 28th of July and I was ready to have the baby before he took off!  My mind started planning for a July baby.

I was plagued with Braxton Hicks all throughout my pregnancy so I was sure I had progressed by the time my first internal exam came up.  NOPE!  Not at all!  I was so disappointed.  And as I returned week after week the disappointment grew.  Not much of anything was going on and I couldn't believe it!!!  I wanted a July baby and all signs were pointing to August.  Every day I woke to find irritation at STILL being pregnant.  On the 3rd my siblings, Steven and I were sitting on the back porch enjoying the cool evening and I announced that I wouldn't be attending church the next day. I didn't want to deal with all the people commenting on "when is that baby going to get here?" and "you're still pregnant huh?"

At 3 the next morning I had a contraction that felt pretty mild.  Then Claire woke up at 4 and I had another one.  By the time I laid down after putting her back to bed my contractions were speeding up.  They were still pretty tame but I hoped and prayed they were the real thing.  I woke Steve up and he started packing a bag.  By 6 o'clock we were getting ready to head out and suddenly my contractions slowed down to 15 mins apart.  I refused to be in labor  all day and wanted to have a baby before the day was through so I grabbed Steve and my walking shoes and we went up the trail behind our house. By the time we got back my contractions were about 3-4 mins apart and Steve thought we should go.  They weren't super intense at that point so I was hesitant but decided it would be best if we did head to the hospital.

When I was having Claire I felt really confident.  I felt confident in the hospital staff, my doctor, and my own body to just know what to do!  I found that said confidence helped me through my delivery.  With Leah my hormones reacted in a way that on the downhill of a contraction I was flooded with anxiety.  I cried and cried after leaving Claire for the hospital.  I thought it might be the last time I saw her.  It was frustrating because I knew that was unlikely, but I just became so nervous!

When we got to the hospital my contractions were still 4 minutes apart and not too intense but (I'm assuming) because it was Sunday they checked me right in.  I really liked the first delivery nurse we got but she had other responsibilities and wasn't able to help the rest of the delivery.  My second nurse wasn't that fantastic, but I didn't hate her. :) My doctor was also out of town so I had the on call doctor.  Her name was Dr. Evanson, young and really great to work with.  I was happy with her and if/when Dr. Terry retires I'll be able to use her as back up.

I asked for the epidural and called my parents to come to the hospital.  My first epidural was really rather painless.  The doctor described things well and I didn't feel too much of anything.  This time was much different. I felt ever pop and snap he described and it was not pleasant!  But by the time my contractions really started up I didn't mind too much.

I'm not super clear on the time line of the delivery, I remember being tired and trying to sleep, but not really finding success.  Then I remember feeling some pressure while the nurse was in the room and telling her that I'd like to start pushing.  She told me I had to wait, which did not make me happy so I asked for her to call the doctor in.  Again I felt a lot of pressure and started pushing without her permission.  She noticed and came over to check to see my progress, then called the doctor like I asked.
I pushed for maybe 5 minutes and had just gotten comfortable when I heard my mom tell me that our little babe had a head full of blonde hair!  Interesting enough I'd had a daydream a couple of months earlier that our Leah bug would be a lot like my cousin Hallee.  Very beautiful, blonde hair, blue eyes, lovely personality, and a very very sweet girl.  When I heard that Leah had blonde hair I was so excited.  One push later my tiny little buggy joined the world and we were parents again.

I remember waiting in the delivery room for a long time, holding the baby, ready to move into recovery and it took forever!  When we finally got to our room we had a ton of visitors and Claire was ready to meet her sister.  I was so exhausted!  I probably looked so out of it, because that is how I felt.  I was also pretty hungry and really dislike hospital food!

It was a beautiful day to have a baby.  Very peaceful and calm at the hospital.  We realized Sunday is the day to have a baby.  It really invites a tender spirit, which was incredibly fitting for our sweet Leah Raye.  We love her so much and cannot believe how much love and beauty she has already brought into our home.

The Gift of Motherhood

We had a fairly busy day today.  It was a beautiful day!  My best friend got married, went to my cousins baptism, and partied the night away with my little family.  When we finally got home Claire was exhausted.  She gave up her binkie yesterday and got a pet fish instead.  She is doing great during the day, but at night, she's been heart broken about losing the binkie.  Tonight she fought Steve in getting ready for bed and just cried for her binkie.  Steve did a great job reasoning with her, but with her lack of nap, 6:30 a.m. wake up call, and hour or so of dancing at the reception, she was not one to be reasoned with tonight!  When I finally came in the room she asked for me and I held her on the rocking chair (like I do every night) and gave her comfort.  She only wanted me.  I know that's hard for Steve sometimes because he loves our kids so much and wants them to need him too.  Our children adore him and love playing and being with him.  He is such a helpful and fun dad to be around.

As I held my three year old in my arms and her tears began to subside it made me so grateful for the gift of motherhood.  So grateful that I could provide the comfort only a mother could provide.  And the best part? Not any mother could provide the comfort my little girl needed tonight!  I was the only mom she needed.  I may not be perfect, I may lose my temper with her, and get lazy sometimes but I am the perfect mom for her.  The only one she needs.  She is mine and I am hers, eternally.  

I was overcome with a profound sense of joy in that quiet moment.  Motherhood, something I've always wanted.  Something I could have never prepared for and something I could never ever do away with.  My beautiful, intelligent, tender, vivacious, unique little girl can drive me crazy one minute and make me fall in love with her all over again the next.  Having her really provides meaning to the phrase, "opposition in all things."  My heart is very full for the gift of motherhood this evening and I am humbled to have been chosen by the Almighty to participate in such a wonderful calling.  I hope to lock this feeling away and think of it in times that are not so tender.  Knowing all the while that I will become better from these experiences and am privileged to be experiencing them.  

The reality of "perfection"

Hello blogging world!  I've been reading and hearing a lot about the blogging mothers out there and woman's natural tendencies to compare and fall short.  We've managed to create a world revolving around social media and the unrealistic world of "perfect" lives, with "perfect" things, and "perfect" families!  It's time to let our guards down and join in the imperfection of all being human!  

What a gift to know and realize that you are imperfect.  Our dependency on the Savior is vital and only utilized when we accept our weaknesses and failures.  This life, and the experiences we have, are designed to teach us to rely on our Savior.  How can we do that if we aren't willing to mess up?  The key is messing up and setting things right, towards improvement, using the atonement.  

My mind draws to a talk given by an apostle of the Lord, President Uchtdorf.  He stated in the October 2013 general conference address entitled, "You Can Do it Now," "No one likes to fail. And we particularly don’t like it when others—especially those we love—see us fail. We all want to be respected and esteemed. We want to be champions. But we mortals do not become champions without effort and discipline or without making mistakes.  Brethren, our destiny is not determined by the number of times we stumble but by the number of times we rise up, dust ourselves off, and move forward. "    

I confess to you readers today that I am a failure.  Some days I yell at my kids, loose my patience, pass judgement, feel inadequate, make frozen pizza for dinner, let my kids watch tv all day, and essentially mess up!  The beauty of those days are that I can knell by my bedside (even when I don't feel worthy) and acknowledge my failures to my loving Heavenly Father.  I know he will hear me, I know he will comfort me, I know he will forgive me, and most importantly I know he will enable me with power, beyond my own human capacities, to start again and improve the next day!  This is truly a miracle!  Where would I be without this knowledge and power!?  

My point of all this is to encourage others to feel joy for those around us who are seeking to celebrate the "good" (sometimes seeming "perfect") moments in life.  Don't wish away your reality for the life of someone you know through media, you never know the burdens they cary and, in most situations, would never want to be the one carrying them!  Let's hold hands when we fail, encourage each other to improve and bring our brothers and sisters to the reality of Christ, knowing that He is the only one who can save us!  

I bear witness of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  What a magical time of the year to seek after Him and rejoice in his mercy and knowledge of all things.  Merry Christmas to you all and I hope you come closer to Him this holiday season!  

New Events

After updating the look of the blog I figured it was time to add another post.  A lot has happened in our lives and I'd like to give a quick run down of the current Bonney events.

• We moved in with my parents in April, anticipating their move to Washington D. C. in July
• The army didn't send orders for my dad in July and we all waited for word
• I ended the school year with hopes of being able to stay home, pending a new job for Steve
• He was able to land a job that supports our family a week before we brought Leah into the world ~ What a blessing!
• Leah Raye Bonney was born @ 12:50 p.m. on August 4, 2013 (birth story later)
• My parents packed up and moved across the country for 3-7 years on Sep. 2nd
• We are currently taking care of their home and my brother as he finishes out his senior year

I've learned quite a lot from the past few months.  I have realized the best way to live your life is with confidence that Heavenly Father knows you and wants to take you where you need to go.  Our ultimate goal is to become like Him and He knows how to make that happen.  Our timeline is not the Lord's timeline.  We were unsure about taking over the house, here in Draper, because we felt our number one goal needed to be my staying at home.  Living here costs a bit more money and we didn't want me working out of the home to support our lives in Draper.  We contemplated many different plans, never feeling good about one specific route and felt the Lord continue to lead us towards patience in Him.  As the dates to make decisions came miracle after miracle flooded our lives.  I am so humbled that the Lord saw fit to carry us to this point in life.  I'm extremely grateful that I get to be at home.  When it gets hard I remind myself of the sacrifices made and the thousands upon thousands of prayers I said to get me to this point.  I may not get a paycheck every two weeks but I have faith that the payoff for my children will be worth it.  I am a better mother because of my years away from the home.  My heart will forever empathize with mothers who may not be able to be home and know the pain associated with such a lifestyle.  I also know many women who are still working and I know the kind of mothers that they are!  They are examples for us all of balancing so many responsibilities and meeting them all with a tall back and strong mind focused on a goal of giving their family the best life they possibly can.  I am grateful to my Father in Heaven for continually teaching me and demonstrating his love.  

A few thoughts...

I'm feeling reflective at the moment and feel the need to write a few words about being a mother.  The little lady in my life has been such a sweet blessing in our lives.  I am so grateful to be her Mother and cannot begin to imagine how many times I'm going to say that throughout the years.  Since the "blessing" turned two she has definitely been testing the limits.  Limits starting with sleep issues, then getting rid of the binkie during the day, to 45 minute temper tantrums 4-5 times daily.  Needless to say there were moments when I was ready to sell her to the gypsies.  Now that things are beginning to settle down, only 2 scheduled tantrums per day, no more sleep issues (I can't believe I've said it out-loud, hope I haven't been jinxed), and binkie, well it's the cause of the scheduled tantrums but we are having a better time with the missy regardless.  I've been thinking a lot about how her personality has developed these two years.  She is hard to categorize into one personality type specifically but I am amazed at how affectionate, thoughtful, and kind-hearted she is.  She is driven and motivated toward her very independent choices.  She is full of energy and enthusiasm.  She definitely does not hide her emotions!  And those small descriptions don't even begin to scratch the surface.  I've been able to gain a lot of patience these past two months and I've realized when I loose it, she looses it even more! As I've tried to be the best example for her in my parenting and attempted to keep my cool, amid the screaming, I've thought time and again what is the best way for Claire to learn this?  I'm thinking about how lucky my little girl is that she has a strong will and the ability to take care of people while not backing down on what she knows to be right for her.  I hope and pray that as I continue this journey, as her mother, that I will be able to teach her the principles she needs in order to follow after the Savior and know that He loves her.  Everything else will fall into place for her, and she will have what she needs to withstand the adversity and temptation that is sure to come her way.  We are expecting another baby to join our family this summer and as I wonder what the Lord has in store for us in the next few months I am overwhelmed and can't help but acknowledge that we have NO idea what we are doing.  And yet, I find comfort in knowing that during those moments when I am not my best, or after I may have lost my cool, I can ask for forgiveness and for added strength beyond my own.  I take full confidence in knowing that the small mind-numbing craziness, that can be my life on occasion, matters to my loving Father in Heaven.  He cares when I have spent hours upon hours trying to get my little one to sleep and will listen as I pour out my heart and frustrations to him.  What a gift my life is! I have such knowledge and support that will help me reach my fullest potential and I promise to anyone who is reading this or cares even a little bit that it is the same for you!

Summer sadness

I can't believe the summer is almost over.  I'm so sad!  I've really enjoyed my time with Claire Bear this summer and I am so happy I made her my priority.  I've grown so much closer with her and I'm thrilled with the growth she's had these past few months.
I'm not going to lie, there was quite an adjustment period for me when I first stayed home but I'm so much happier because of it.
We've been quite busy these past few months, celebrating holidays, birthdays, family vacations, anniversaries etc. (hence my absence).  Here's a picture review...

 We've been on some hikes...

 to Wheeler Farm...

 built forts for FHE...

 played in the park...

 celebrated 4th of July...

 road trip....

 Puget Sound...

 celebrated our 4 year anniversary...(love that man)

 took care of babies...(I used to dress up like Mary when I was little too)

and went on an adventurous camping trip...

Needless to say we have been a busy bunch.  I'm getting ready to start my new job as an academic coach and I'm excited.  It's really going to stretch me.  I'm excited to work with my new colleagues and I'm going to miss my friends in the classroom desperately.  This job is going to allow me opportunities to understand the human soul better and really practice being Christlike.  It's an amazing opportunity and I'm so incredibly humbled and honored to begin this new path.  It's a real blessing because I'll only be working 3 days a week, with less hours, and more flexible scheduling.  I'm going to have the chance to spend more time with the munchkin and support Steve while he tackles his hardest year of school.
That's what is new with us at the moment, just enjoying our last taste of summer.

Sleep Training

My beautiful baby!  Since I was pregnant with the little booI was most aware of what I wanted regarding her sleeping.  I knew what I didn't want, sleeping in our bed till she was 7, getting out of bed time and time again, and sleeping with a bottle. I knew what I didn't want but did no research to make sure it didn't happen.  Our little bundle came home from the hospital and I couldn't bear to be apart so she snuggled with us in bed.  We woke the next morning at 8:00 a.m. realizing the baby hadn't peeped all night long!  From that day until the 9 month mark she slept soundly.  I would rock her to sleep and 12 hours later she would roll over and smile at us.  She didn't sleep with us consistently but both Steve and I loved to snuggle with her and occasionally she would be in our bed.  If she ever woke up tucking her in with us would do the trick and we would get enough rest to go to work the next day.  Needless to say, my first no no became a...well I guess.

At about 9 months she began to hate her crib and after 30 minutes of working to get her to fall asleep the second I would lay her down she'd wake right up.  I was incredibly frustrating. I started thinking, ok maybe it is time to try something different.  I attempted the cry it out method and after nearly 2 hours of screaming I threw that idea out the window.  I couldn't handle it.  And my guilt as a working mom was weighing on me.  Going to bed is our time together!  No matter what I did that day I would get to hug and cuddle my baby until she drifted into dreamland.  What else did I have to do that was more important?  Nothing, I didn't have other kids to beg for my attention and I was just ready for "me" time, so I would sacrifice a bit of that time and spend it with my sweetie.  Soon the phase was over and she was back to a 15 minute get to sleep time and slept through the night.

12 months showed up and the frustration began again.  She grew out of it within a month or two.  (this summary does not mean it was easy, just that I assume you are getting bored)
Here we are on the cusp of 18 months and we've spent the last 3 weeks with the babe waking up at 11 or 12 and won't stay asleep.  We put in the work once she wakes to leave the room and have her scream again.  I'm wasn't sure what to do until I remembered my friend Kasey had tried the Ferber method with her little guy and I thought, this might help.  I talked to Kasey and she suggested I try it for getting her to bed on her own.  I hadn't thought of that, since it wasn't the part of bedtime that bothered me (most of the time).  Last night we went through our routine sing a song and say prayers with Daddy.  I changed Claire into her pajamas and turned on her fan to then rock her in the chair.  As we were rocking I thought maybe just 5 minutes and then I'll try the crying.  But her sweet eyelids were getting heavy and I knew it wouldn't be much longer.  I rocked her for 15 minutes and laid her down.  As soon as I went to leave her eyes shot open and the tears started coming.  Claire had made the decision to begin for me.

For those of you who aren't familiar with the Ferber method it requires some crying but allows for interaction with the baby.  I let her cry for 5 minutes.  Then I went in, put her back in her bed (she's in a toddler bed because she hated her crib so much) and calmed her down.  As soon as she was calm again (this is the hardest part) I would leave and let her cry for 10 minutes.  As soon as the timer went off I went back in to calm her again.  Once she was calm and her eyelids were heavy I wanted to stay in there so bad and help her drift off, but the method requires you to leave again.  We started the 15 minute cry period and after 3 minutes she was asleep.  I didn't hear anymore crying.  We went in later and she was curled up on her bed with Foofa, Mickey, and 3 pillows.  This was our first night of it and geez it was not fun, but I hope it helps the little Missy go to bed!  I might actually get to have a babysitter put her to bed without lying down with her!  I'll let you know how it goes tonight.  Hopefully she gets the hang of it quickly, without too much pain!

Thanks for reading this long post.  For those who are curious after the 15 minutes of crying you would go in and sooth the baby again.  Then you leave and let them cry for 20 minutes, go in and sooth.  Then it is 20 minutes from there until they sleep.  The next night instead of starting with 5 minutes of crying you would start with 10 and increase the time every night until they can do it on their own.