Following the Sun - Enigma
Following the sun, to find the one
who's giving you the wings to fly
Following the sun, the golden one
losing sense for space and time.

Can you feel the waves of life
Can you hear the sigh of love
Do you believe in it?

Following the sun, just for the one
Till you'll find the door you sought
Following the sun, like everyone
Searching for a sign of hope

Have a look up to the sky
See the billions of stars above
Cause maybe one of them
You'll spend your further life...

(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)

✓ I miss somebody right now.  (I'm waiting for my boy to wake up so I can go get beer n drink and go see him! (not allowed to drink here...))	✓ I don't watch much TV these days.	✓ I own lots of books.
✓ I wear glasses or contact lenses.  (Though my glasses are currently lost...)	× I love to play video games.	✓ I've tried marijuana.
✓ I've watched porn movies.	✓ I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.  (AND the current...)	× I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
✓ I curse sometimes.  (A lot actually...)	✓ I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.	× I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.

( it goes on...Collapse )

Enigma - Snow Of The Sahara Lyrics

Only tell me that you still want me here
When you wander off out there
To those hills of dust and hard winds that blow
In that dry white ocean alone
Lost out in the desert
you are lost out in the desert

But to stand with you in a ring of fire
I'll forget the days gone by
I'll protect your body and guard your soul
From mirages in your sight
Lost out in the desert

If your hopes scatter like the dust across your track
I'll be the moon that shines on your path
The sun may blind our eyes,
I'll pray the skies above
For snow to fall on the sahara

If that's the only place
where you can leave your doubts
I'll hold you up and be your way out
And if we burn away,
I'll pray the skies above
For snow to fall on the sahara

Just a wish and i will cover your shoulders
With veils of silk and gold
When the shadows come and darken your heart
Leaving you with regrets so cold
Lost out in the desert

If your hopes scatter like the dust across your track
I'll be the moon that shines on your path
The sun may blind our eyes,
I'll pray the skies above
For snow to fall on the sahara

If that's the only place
where you can leave your doubts
I'll hold you up and be your way out
And if we burn away, I'll pray the skies above
For snow to fall on the sahara

Private Entry. Sighs. Begone!

Chapter 1: Understanding Your Problems

Chapter Notes
* Changes in any one area of five (environment, thoughts, moods, behaviors, and physical reactions) can affect the other four areas.
* Once the change in the other four areas begin to happen, it can cause a further downward spiral.
* Making a small positive change in one area can improve the rest.
* Personal ObservationSeem to be going back and forth between depression and anxiety type behaviors.

( Exercise: Understanding Your Own ProblemsCollapse )

Session 1: Moving Through the Stages

What would I need to know or see to move me to the next stage?
I would need to know where I could end up if I can't find a way to correct the negative thinking. I need to find out as much as I can about why I might have that issue, and make clear goals in regards to the negative thinking so that once I reach those goals I can see positive progress.

What am I doing now that's helpful in getting to the next stage?
Well . . . I'm doing this first session assignment. I'm waiting on a referral from my doctor (and then after that will be waiting for my insurance company to approve it). I've got the book from Kotori. I'm getting the information on the problem, and also getting the tools together to actually work on it.

Are there any barriers to getting to the next stage?
Realistically? Just me. Even if the referral doesn't get approved I still have the self-help program and the book. So long as I can at least stick with those, I should at least make some progress.

What outside help or information might I be able to use?
Somehow find a way to be able to identify my thinking as "negative" rather than just normal "thinking" . . . possibly positive reinforcement when I'm able to halt negative thinking, so it would further reinforce that my identification was correct, and maybe having the negative thinking pointed out to me and questioned in a calm manner, one that's not going to make me defensive. Granted that may need to be more calm than normal at first due to the negative thinking aspect, but that can change as time goes on and as I progress.

Daily Past 24-Hours Journal
1. How would you rate your level of anxiety? 8
2. How much did your anxiety interfere with your work or home life? 3
3. How much did your anxiety interfere with your personal relationships? 7
4. How much did your anxiety interfere with your physical functions? 3

First step? I'm waiting on my next dr's appointment to discuss getting a referral to a psychologist.
Second? Kotori sent me a book, "Mind Over Mood" that I'm going to be using.
Third? My insurance company works with liveandworkwell.com, a website that provides interactive, free cognitive therapy programs that include "sessions" and "assignments" and evals and things like that.

So some of this shit I'll be posting here . . . apparently especially with the book Kotori sent me I'm going to be doing a LOT of writing. Obviously some of it's going to be locked, but like I said... I'm done being stubborn.

So I'll put some kind of indicator in the topic so if you wanna skip over my posts on this shit you can... BUT I needed a journal for this stuff so this is it... have fun :)

Wee... long weekend. Think I'll actually post on it later though. It's almost 3 am and I gotta go to work in the morning. Meh. Even if I went to sleep right now I'd likely not be able to sleep, even though it would give me a full 8 hours of sleep before getting up for work. At least I know that means I can technically get away with staying up until like, 5 and still be able to make it through the day.

I got my first choice on the shift bid at work, M-F from 12:15-9:15pm. with the same manager I'm with now (who absolutely rocks tyvm!) There's only one other person on the team with me that was in my training class, though I think they tried to do that with everybody... our first month our cube-mate was somebody from our training class, though I think next 3 months they're going to try and mix it up a bit. Hmm. I wonder if they'll give us a better lunch/break schedule this time. This whole 1½ hours to first break, 1 hour to lunch, then 2½ hours between lunch/last break and last break/end of shift is not good. Makes things drag out too much. Why can't they just divy it up evenly hmm.. lol

Anywho, maybe I'll go stitch some more. I'll post fun details of this weekend later if pple wish. Happy 2-yr to Gabe!!! :)