I will admit that my original motivation in buying tickets to see this play was to placate Adam's mother, who is an unabashedly huge fan of Alan Rickman.
Once we realized that, on account of the impending storm, that Adam's mother wouldn't even be able to attend the show, I will admit too that we nearly didn't go at all. But money is money, and money is tight, and if it meant that I might get to MEETSnape, Alan Rickman, then dammit we'd be the only people in the theatre on a snowy evening.
Except that we weren't! Amazingly, despite the abysmal forecast, there was little actual snowfall by the time we attended the 7:30pm show in Brooklyn, and the house was completely packed.
Not an empty seat anywhere, New Yorkers refused to stay home. In lieu of Mrs Singh,
reverend_dave came with us, and the three of us packed into our obstructed view seats.
The set design seemed particularly funny considering the environment outside. It was sparse, and punctuated by huge white snow drifts that were the only dressing on the stage, which shone like black volcanic glass and echoed back little reflections of the white of the snow.
There were three pieces of furniture as well, Victorian-style, in an otherwise colorless design, but the colors were still pretty muted.
I really liked the sparseness. It ended up giving the sense that the whole cast of characters were always cold, and colorless, and that their footing was on a sheet of glossy ice, likely to crack beneath them at any time. I enjoy these visual metaphors a lot, because it makes me think of the set as more than just props.
The costumes were also amazing; there is a reason that Steampunk fashion is so popular. Women in high-necked, corseted and flowing dresses are stunning. It accentuates the delicate angling of their jaws, and enhances the contrast between small waists and full bosom/bottoms. The bottom of the dresses would catch errant snow particles and swoosh along the black shining floor, leaving a trail that was entrancing to follow.
The problem with this play was, in all honesty, the play itself. It's a tawdry tale of a man who loves a woman, but leaves her to marry her sister once he discovers that his boss is willing to promote him for a chance to woo his original femme. He has a child with the sister (a TWIN) and is discovered to be embezzling money from this job he got from marrying his original love's twin sister. He and his wife are disgraced, and the original love takes the child (a son) and raises him to keep him out of the limelight. But she wants him! For her own! And she's dying!
None of these characters are likable. They are all so selfish and narcissistic that I could not help butsleep scowl through most of the play. They're all interested in the son, but only to enact their own selfish desires. His mother wants him to avenge her being disgraced, and his aunt just wants someone to love her and care for her while she dies. The son just wants to live his own life, and has fallen in love, and all of these people who are meant to have his best interests at heart are in fact trying to impede his plans so that they can use him.
People who know me know that I already have huge issues with people who don't prioritize their children, and as most plays (and a lot of films) are just real life scenarios with the volume turned up to 11, this particular scenario made me so annoyed and angry with the principal characters that I became glad when no good came to any of them.
In terms of acting, I was most blown away by Fiona Shaw. Many will recognize her as Mrs. Dursley from the Harry Potter franchise, but few would have realized it was her during the play. I am always most impressed by actors who "lose" themselves in a role, and help me to "lose" them while watching. My classic example is Meryl Streep, who, to me, constantly makes me forget that she is Meryl Streep while she is Julia Child or Anna Wintour or some trashy pink-clad romance novelist who steals Roseanne Barr's husband.
Fiona Shaw did just that, and her intensity and cadence were bewitching. Were she not playing an awful, selfish mother, I would have LOVED her entirely.
Which brings me to Alan Rickman. No one can deny that he is a stunning actor, but I cannot say that his presence... as Snape, as Sir Alexander Dane... as John Gabriel Borkman ... still feels like Alan Rickman. His cadence, his pauses, his tone, his deliberate, slow, growling intensity. They are all good, but I really had trouble identifying him as Borkman, specifically. I will say though that often I feel like his greatest strength is in the betrayal of his eyes -- Snape may be doing one thing, but you can see in Rickman's eyes where his heart lies.
So, to be fair, I couldn't see his eyes. Or a big chunk of the stage, because there was a pillar in my way.
Underwhelming though the play was, even the subzero temperatures could not prevent me from stopping at the stage door. It's one of the plusses of living in New York. Every actor has to go home eventually, and waiting by the stage door is not limited to the attendees of the show. I met Fiona Shaw, who seemed warm and friendly and sweet.
Meeting Alan Rickman was funny, because again, he was almost sarcastically stoic. I cannot imagine his friends saying, "Oh hey, Al, let's go see 'I love you, Man'" I cannot imagine him laughing, and there was no warmth in his eyes. He was gracious enough to sign Adam's program specifically to his mother, and to take a photo with me, but I cannot say that meeting Severus Snape himself wouldn't have been warmer.
Overall, though, a wonderful night. Meeting the cast bumps this baby up from a B- to a B.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Once we realized that, on account of the impending storm, that Adam's mother wouldn't even be able to attend the show, I will admit too that we nearly didn't go at all. But money is money, and money is tight, and if it meant that I might get to MEET
Except that we weren't! Amazingly, despite the abysmal forecast, there was little actual snowfall by the time we attended the 7:30pm show in Brooklyn, and the house was completely packed.
Not an empty seat anywhere, New Yorkers refused to stay home. In lieu of Mrs Singh,
reverend_dave came with us, and the three of us packed into our obstructed view seats.The set design seemed particularly funny considering the environment outside. It was sparse, and punctuated by huge white snow drifts that were the only dressing on the stage, which shone like black volcanic glass and echoed back little reflections of the white of the snow.
There were three pieces of furniture as well, Victorian-style, in an otherwise colorless design, but the colors were still pretty muted.
I really liked the sparseness. It ended up giving the sense that the whole cast of characters were always cold, and colorless, and that their footing was on a sheet of glossy ice, likely to crack beneath them at any time. I enjoy these visual metaphors a lot, because it makes me think of the set as more than just props.
The costumes were also amazing; there is a reason that Steampunk fashion is so popular. Women in high-necked, corseted and flowing dresses are stunning. It accentuates the delicate angling of their jaws, and enhances the contrast between small waists and full bosom/bottoms. The bottom of the dresses would catch errant snow particles and swoosh along the black shining floor, leaving a trail that was entrancing to follow.
The problem with this play was, in all honesty, the play itself. It's a tawdry tale of a man who loves a woman, but leaves her to marry her sister once he discovers that his boss is willing to promote him for a chance to woo his original femme. He has a child with the sister (a TWIN) and is discovered to be embezzling money from this job he got from marrying his original love's twin sister. He and his wife are disgraced, and the original love takes the child (a son) and raises him to keep him out of the limelight. But she wants him! For her own! And she's dying!
None of these characters are likable. They are all so selfish and narcissistic that I could not help but
People who know me know that I already have huge issues with people who don't prioritize their children, and as most plays (and a lot of films) are just real life scenarios with the volume turned up to 11, this particular scenario made me so annoyed and angry with the principal characters that I became glad when no good came to any of them.
In terms of acting, I was most blown away by Fiona Shaw. Many will recognize her as Mrs. Dursley from the Harry Potter franchise, but few would have realized it was her during the play. I am always most impressed by actors who "lose" themselves in a role, and help me to "lose" them while watching. My classic example is Meryl Streep, who, to me, constantly makes me forget that she is Meryl Streep while she is Julia Child or Anna Wintour or some trashy pink-clad romance novelist who steals Roseanne Barr's husband.
Fiona Shaw did just that, and her intensity and cadence were bewitching. Were she not playing an awful, selfish mother, I would have LOVED her entirely.
Which brings me to Alan Rickman. No one can deny that he is a stunning actor, but I cannot say that his presence... as Snape, as Sir Alexander Dane... as John Gabriel Borkman ... still feels like Alan Rickman. His cadence, his pauses, his tone, his deliberate, slow, growling intensity. They are all good, but I really had trouble identifying him as Borkman, specifically. I will say though that often I feel like his greatest strength is in the betrayal of his eyes -- Snape may be doing one thing, but you can see in Rickman's eyes where his heart lies.
So, to be fair, I couldn't see his eyes. Or a big chunk of the stage, because there was a pillar in my way.
Underwhelming though the play was, even the subzero temperatures could not prevent me from stopping at the stage door. It's one of the plusses of living in New York. Every actor has to go home eventually, and waiting by the stage door is not limited to the attendees of the show. I met Fiona Shaw, who seemed warm and friendly and sweet.
Meeting Alan Rickman was funny, because again, he was almost sarcastically stoic. I cannot imagine his friends saying, "Oh hey, Al, let's go see 'I love you, Man'" I cannot imagine him laughing, and there was no warmth in his eyes. He was gracious enough to sign Adam's program specifically to his mother, and to take a photo with me, but I cannot say that meeting Severus Snape himself wouldn't have been warmer.
Overall, though, a wonderful night. Meeting the cast bumps this baby up from a B- to a B.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
I'm due to leave for work in 15 minutes and have yet to shower or put on clothes, but I wanted to say: Livejournal, I haven't forgotten you. On the contrary, I have SO many things that I'd like to write about that at this point, I will have to play serious hooky from work in order to do so. Perhaps tonight I will write things up (instead of playing Rock Band) just so as I can be back on top of things.
In no particular order:
*John Gabriel Borkman
* Cocktails with J&D
*Weekend in Austin with LL
* Plans for the future
And, because once again all the cool kids are doing it and lemmings are so cute, here's my Valentinr!
Get your own valentinr
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
In no particular order:
*
* Cocktails with J&D
*
* Plans for the future
And, because once again all the cool kids are doing it and lemmings are so cute, here's my Valentinr!
Get your own valentinr
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Location:W 133rd St,New York,United States
There is nothing worse than seeing someone you love suffer. And, when it's self-inflicted suffering in the bad way, it feels even worse. As hard as you may try to reassure them of their magnificence, when someone is just on tilt and self-deprecating and searching out validation for their own poor self image, it's nearly impossible to rationalize with them.
It is SORT of funny, because you're like, "Stop badmouthing my friend, you bitch!" but really, the person badmouthing your friend IS your friend. And, sometimes, as a result, I end up being meaner than I intend. So here's my friend, hurting and sad and clearly questioning elements in her life and needing reassurance, and I'm screaming and annoyed because she is blaming herself.
I accuse her of being overly negative if it confirms some sort of negative self-image she's harboring. She accuses me of being biased because I am her friend. Which of course leaves us at an impasse.
Update: Anonymous self-deprecating friend is CLEARLY wrong. Internet wins again.
Thus I reach out to the safety of the internet to validateme one of the two of us. And I bring you a quick story, and a poll.
Two people are on a forum. They chat on the internet for a week. Their talk during the week is more date-like than hookup-like. They meet at noon on a Sunday and it goes pretty well. They are interested in pursuing further options, so they plan for a follow-up date the next day. They shop for the date the next day. The boy indicates that he'd like to hurry home to maybe fool around. The girl obliges, and is very interested.
They get home and start kissing for about thirty seconds. The boy pulls away, uncomfortable and starts talking about chemistry and how is not unaccustomed to having sex with strangers. The girl is taken aback, and asks him what is wrong and what he would like to do instead, to which he replies "run away." She asks him whether she did something wrong, and he tells her "no" and says that he will probably not be okay with the date the following day. She walks him out.
What happened?
It is SORT of funny, because you're like, "Stop badmouthing my friend, you bitch!" but really, the person badmouthing your friend IS your friend. And, sometimes, as a result, I end up being meaner than I intend. So here's my friend, hurting and sad and clearly questioning elements in her life and needing reassurance, and I'm screaming and annoyed because she is blaming herself.
I accuse her of being overly negative if it confirms some sort of negative self-image she's harboring. She accuses me of being biased because I am her friend. Which of course leaves us at an impasse.
Update: Anonymous self-deprecating friend is CLEARLY wrong. Internet wins again.
Thus I reach out to the safety of the internet to validate
Two people are on a forum. They chat on the internet for a week. Their talk during the week is more date-like than hookup-like. They meet at noon on a Sunday and it goes pretty well. They are interested in pursuing further options, so they plan for a follow-up date the next day. They shop for the date the next day. The boy indicates that he'd like to hurry home to maybe fool around. The girl obliges, and is very interested.
They get home and start kissing for about thirty seconds. The boy pulls away, uncomfortable and starts talking about chemistry and how is not unaccustomed to having sex with strangers. The girl is taken aback, and asks him what is wrong and what he would like to do instead, to which he replies "run away." She asks him whether she did something wrong, and he tells her "no" and says that he will probably not be okay with the date the following day. She walks him out.
What happened?
Why did he end the date?
He found her ugly from the start of the date and couldn't "fake" it anymore
1(4.0%)
She was a bad kisser
0(0.0%)
He ejaculated prematurely and was embarrassed
4(16.0%)
He was outside of his comfort zone and couldn't go through with sex with someone he'd known a week
17(68.0%)
Other (put in comments)
3(12.0%)
I'm going to see if I can make a slow progression back onto Livejournal, after a long, long absence. I could blame it all on my limited bandwidth in Congo, but if I'm honest, I was away from Livejournal even before I left the country.
I will definitely try to come back little by little -- I know too that many of the people I met atcatvalente and justbeast's glorious wedding are LJers, and I'd like to keep in touch!
In the interim, I'm easy to find. I'm amalthya on Facebook, Twitter, and flickr.
If you add me, please comment here to let me know who you are!
Thanks!
I will definitely try to come back little by little -- I know too that many of the people I met at
catvalente and justbeast's glorious wedding are LJers, and I'd like to keep in touch!In the interim, I'm easy to find. I'm amalthya on Facebook, Twitter, and flickr.
If you add me, please comment here to let me know who you are!
Thanks!
Welcome to my Journal! I don't tag often enough to be of use, but feel free to poke around and please do comment and let me know you're here!
Most of my chimpanzee photography is no longer publicly available online, but if you'd like access to it, please email me.
Most of my chimpanzee photography is no longer publicly available online, but if you'd like access to it, please email me.
- Current Music:Sailing Through - Neutral Milk Hotel
I would imagine that many people's characterizations of me include my various travels and foreign exploits. I've been traveling all over the UK this go-round, and having a splendid time.
I finally got to meetfaeriecween!! I even stayed in her nice Reading house, and met her boy AND her Boys.
I got to spend more than a minute at a time withwoofa, a friend I've had since the Uganda days who travels nearly as much as I do!!
In actuality, we got to spend nearly a week together, at her house in Fordingbridge! And it was incredible.
I even got to see Elizabeth Grant, a friend I'd had at Chapin 8,000 years ago, who is so happy and healthy in Oxford, UK that the night with her and her fiance was extremely enjoyable, even moreso than I had anticipated.
Now I'm on my final leg of the journey, which is far shorter than my last longterm trek. Two weeks only! But I'm here, in Edinburgh, Scotland, for the last leg of my journey and the biannual International Primatologists Society Congress. If you'll recall, I helped organize the last one in Entebbe, Uganda.
Anyway, for the first time in a long time, I feel really off my game and out of sorts and sort of lonely and homesick and rather unhappy. It's a big jump; I loved being in Reading and Fordingbridge, and most people would be astonished to hear that the travel was wearing on me, but what I guess I take for granted is the chance to refresh in the evenings and a (clean) place to lay my head.
And the Scottish experience has thus far been far from refreshing. Really, it's throwing me off.
Ironic, considering I've NEVER seen more gingers than I've seen since last night here in Edinburgh. I'm here with my people! I've even been asked for directions 6 times in my 3 hours out on the street.
But yea, I discovered yesterday that the Cowgate Hostel, a place I'd booked for 5 days in March starting today, completely cocked up my booking. I'd called from Annie's sister's house to ask if I could come a day earlier (July 31st) and the idiot at the desk changed my booking to August 31st.
Ergo, when I arrived last night at nearly 11 pm, they informed me that there was no available room on Saturday night, but that I "could" move into a 6 bed dorm room and then move back into my old room on Sunday afternoon.
Of course, then they sent me on my way, up three flights of stairs (with suitcase) to a drab 2 bed room next to a shower with a view out an extremely large window to construction scaffolding and an alleyway. And no window curtain.
It was a restless night on seemingly filthy sheets and a squeaky, cheap bed. I kept waking up everytime someone went to use the sink or the shower, in a room right next to mine as every sound of the hallway echoes and rattles in underneath my flimsy door.
Short hours later, I awoke to the sounds of heavy construction, and peered groggily through my large window only to be greeted by burly, ogling Scotsmen.
Not what I signed up for, and certainly not a restful night. I got out of the hostel as soon as possible, and wandered around the town, getting a sense of the area and finally stumbling upon an internet cafe. With food, and drink!
Perhaps I felt so off because I'd had nothing to eat or drink since last night with Annie. Low blood sugar? Ogling Scotsmen? I find that my tendency for today is not to explore anymore but to get, as I coined it when talking tojustbeast, eSolace.
I will probably wander about again to go and look at the new accommodation I booked while AT the internet cafe. The idea of staying in a 6 bed dorm room with NO security lockers was just not appealing. I'm not a princess, and I've stayed in hostels and lodgings all over Africa and Europe, so you can imagine how bad this place is to be giving me discomfort. For £50+ a night, maybe I can't expect luxury, but they could afford a window curtain.
There's also the pending worry about money, since this new place is costing me about £77/night instead of £56 and overall, I'm spending about £333 for four nights. Imagine doubling ALL those prices for their American equivalents! Gah! The poverty is crippling. I'm trying not to worry about it, while also trying not to spend any money. An interesting contrast.
So here I am, uncharacteristically uncomfortable while traveling, and actually budgeting and worrying about money and also posting on Livejournal! The horror! Who is this person?
Can you imagine?
Tell me good things happening in your lives. It will add to my eSolace. Before I go wandering through town again
I finally got to meet
faeriecween!! I even stayed in her nice Reading house, and met her boy AND her Boys. I got to spend more than a minute at a time with
woofa, a friend I've had since the Uganda days who travels nearly as much as I do!!In actuality, we got to spend nearly a week together, at her house in Fordingbridge! And it was incredible.
I even got to see Elizabeth Grant, a friend I'd had at Chapin 8,000 years ago, who is so happy and healthy in Oxford, UK that the night with her and her fiance was extremely enjoyable, even moreso than I had anticipated.
Now I'm on my final leg of the journey, which is far shorter than my last longterm trek. Two weeks only! But I'm here, in Edinburgh, Scotland, for the last leg of my journey and the biannual International Primatologists Society Congress. If you'll recall, I helped organize the last one in Entebbe, Uganda.
Anyway, for the first time in a long time, I feel really off my game and out of sorts and sort of lonely and homesick and rather unhappy. It's a big jump; I loved being in Reading and Fordingbridge, and most people would be astonished to hear that the travel was wearing on me, but what I guess I take for granted is the chance to refresh in the evenings and a (clean) place to lay my head.
And the Scottish experience has thus far been far from refreshing. Really, it's throwing me off.
Ironic, considering I've NEVER seen more gingers than I've seen since last night here in Edinburgh. I'm here with my people! I've even been asked for directions 6 times in my 3 hours out on the street.
But yea, I discovered yesterday that the Cowgate Hostel, a place I'd booked for 5 days in March starting today, completely cocked up my booking. I'd called from Annie's sister's house to ask if I could come a day earlier (July 31st) and the idiot at the desk changed my booking to August 31st.
Ergo, when I arrived last night at nearly 11 pm, they informed me that there was no available room on Saturday night, but that I "could" move into a 6 bed dorm room and then move back into my old room on Sunday afternoon.
Of course, then they sent me on my way, up three flights of stairs (with suitcase) to a drab 2 bed room next to a shower with a view out an extremely large window to construction scaffolding and an alleyway. And no window curtain.
It was a restless night on seemingly filthy sheets and a squeaky, cheap bed. I kept waking up everytime someone went to use the sink or the shower, in a room right next to mine as every sound of the hallway echoes and rattles in underneath my flimsy door.
Short hours later, I awoke to the sounds of heavy construction, and peered groggily through my large window only to be greeted by burly, ogling Scotsmen.
Not what I signed up for, and certainly not a restful night. I got out of the hostel as soon as possible, and wandered around the town, getting a sense of the area and finally stumbling upon an internet cafe. With food, and drink!
Perhaps I felt so off because I'd had nothing to eat or drink since last night with Annie. Low blood sugar? Ogling Scotsmen? I find that my tendency for today is not to explore anymore but to get, as I coined it when talking to
justbeast, eSolace.I will probably wander about again to go and look at the new accommodation I booked while AT the internet cafe. The idea of staying in a 6 bed dorm room with NO security lockers was just not appealing. I'm not a princess, and I've stayed in hostels and lodgings all over Africa and Europe, so you can imagine how bad this place is to be giving me discomfort. For £50+ a night, maybe I can't expect luxury, but they could afford a window curtain.
There's also the pending worry about money, since this new place is costing me about £77/night instead of £56 and overall, I'm spending about £333 for four nights. Imagine doubling ALL those prices for their American equivalents! Gah! The poverty is crippling. I'm trying not to worry about it, while also trying not to spend any money. An interesting contrast.
So here I am, uncharacteristically uncomfortable while traveling, and actually budgeting and worrying about money and also posting on Livejournal! The horror! Who is this person?
Can you imagine?
Tell me good things happening in your lives. It will add to my eSolace. Before I go wandering through town again
Consistency is key.
Or at least, that's the "truth" I tell myself that holds friendships and life together.
But sometimes, it's the inconsistency that makes things easier. More jagged, and sometimes painful but overall, easier.
When I came back to the country, I didn't know for how long. In my mind, I'd be back in Uganda by Winter break in January. Of course, that didn't happen but it didn't mean that I didn't operate as though it would --
In the field we constantly had transitory relationships because none of us knew how long we would be in any one place, or where we would go next. It makes life easier, knowing that you don't have to make any promises.
After I didn't head to Uganda in January, I guess I started settling down a little. Call it inspiration by the people surrounding me --rosefox and sinboy alone could have prompted me to stay in one place, but there were so many more people added to the mix -- a New York I'd previously experienced only with the volume down -- people like xoder and extraordinary renewed friendships with Charles and Yenni and infd and noranac and brand new friendships with ursus_archetype and alexsirkman.
There's always a point, though, where you still feel stifled, or unhappy. Or, in my case, Ordinary. Same old emo, same old drama, same old bullshit.
As I toldblackiestark, leaving the country is the cleanest break you can get -- it answers all the questions automatically. "Of course they'd invite me to that party if I was in the country" -- or, "I'm sure that I'd get to see them more often if I wasn't so far away."
It automatically neglects the surety of mess, and hurt feelings, and confusion that is staying in one place for too long. It's my version of chasing the dragon -- trying to make everyone continually love me or want to be around me is a losing enterprise even from the getgo. People break up, feelings change, things are awkward, and nothing ever stays the same. Consistency, in that way, is a lie. It doesn't make the disappointment of change any less palpable.
I guess, too, that I like the certainty of being far away, and isolated, and not being able to depend on other people. Given other options, I do tend to cling to those around me. I enjoy knowing that they value my company. Even if it's only for a finite amount of time.
Part of me is astonished that I am getting to go back to Congo as soon as I am. The longer my academic career slogged on, the more sure I became that I would be relegated to stationary life for at least another few years. To have the opportunity now just fills me with purpose again. I flush talking about it, and for once, I don't feel like I need to fake interest or motivation in order to tackle my to-do list.
Which is, at this moment, incredibly long! Not only am I trying to get myself ready, but prepping Adam for what life will be like is a top priority too. And it's a strange feeling, but also a wonderful one I guess. Mostly it's the change between making a clean, full break and actually leaving someone out of the cut. It's a little scary -- Bush/Field time is so much a part of me, and part of what's really important to me. Wonder if Adam hates it? Or hates who I become in the field? Idle worries, yes. Most of me knows that Adam, who seems to get along with anyone and everyone, will have no trouble acclimating to a new climate and a new culture. It's probably scary just because it's new.
I'll keep writing here sporadically, but most of my Congo preparations are going into
lifeincongo -- a blog we'll both keep while I'm gone since I'm well aware that my huge, 5 entries-at-a-time postings from the field are a bit tough for most people's FLists to handle.
And who knows? Will things be the same when I come back?
There's always consistency in the possibilities of a fresh start.
Or at least, that's the "truth" I tell myself that holds friendships and life together.
But sometimes, it's the inconsistency that makes things easier. More jagged, and sometimes painful but overall, easier.
When I came back to the country, I didn't know for how long. In my mind, I'd be back in Uganda by Winter break in January. Of course, that didn't happen but it didn't mean that I didn't operate as though it would --
In the field we constantly had transitory relationships because none of us knew how long we would be in any one place, or where we would go next. It makes life easier, knowing that you don't have to make any promises.
After I didn't head to Uganda in January, I guess I started settling down a little. Call it inspiration by the people surrounding me --
rosefox and sinboy alone could have prompted me to stay in one place, but there were so many more people added to the mix -- a New York I'd previously experienced only with the volume down -- people like xoder and extraordinary renewed friendships with Charles and Yenni and infd and noranac and brand new friendships with ursus_archetype and alexsirkman. There's always a point, though, where you still feel stifled, or unhappy. Or, in my case, Ordinary. Same old emo, same old drama, same old bullshit.
As I told
blackiestark, leaving the country is the cleanest break you can get -- it answers all the questions automatically. "Of course they'd invite me to that party if I was in the country" -- or, "I'm sure that I'd get to see them more often if I wasn't so far away."It automatically neglects the surety of mess, and hurt feelings, and confusion that is staying in one place for too long. It's my version of chasing the dragon -- trying to make everyone continually love me or want to be around me is a losing enterprise even from the getgo. People break up, feelings change, things are awkward, and nothing ever stays the same. Consistency, in that way, is a lie. It doesn't make the disappointment of change any less palpable.
I guess, too, that I like the certainty of being far away, and isolated, and not being able to depend on other people. Given other options, I do tend to cling to those around me. I enjoy knowing that they value my company. Even if it's only for a finite amount of time.
Part of me is astonished that I am getting to go back to Congo as soon as I am. The longer my academic career slogged on, the more sure I became that I would be relegated to stationary life for at least another few years. To have the opportunity now just fills me with purpose again. I flush talking about it, and for once, I don't feel like I need to fake interest or motivation in order to tackle my to-do list.
Which is, at this moment, incredibly long! Not only am I trying to get myself ready, but prepping Adam for what life will be like is a top priority too. And it's a strange feeling, but also a wonderful one I guess. Mostly it's the change between making a clean, full break and actually leaving someone out of the cut. It's a little scary -- Bush/Field time is so much a part of me, and part of what's really important to me. Wonder if Adam hates it? Or hates who I become in the field? Idle worries, yes. Most of me knows that Adam, who seems to get along with anyone and everyone, will have no trouble acclimating to a new climate and a new culture. It's probably scary just because it's new.
I'll keep writing here sporadically, but most of my Congo preparations are going into
lifeincongo -- a blog we'll both keep while I'm gone since I'm well aware that my huge, 5 entries-at-a-time postings from the field are a bit tough for most people's FLists to handle.And who knows? Will things be the same when I come back?
There's always consistency in the possibilities of a fresh start.
- Current Music:Canary - Liz Phair
Sometimes, it just takes some perspective-
Me: It's Fourth of July here, and I'm going to eat veggie burgers
Cleve: Wish I were there! Very bored in Buta
Me: I'm so sorry you're bored! I'll eat a veggie burger for you! Or maybe take pictures of some fireworks, and you can return the favor next year!
Cleve: Good idea! I will swat a mosquito for you and also sweat some, as I am sure you are really missing the African Experience!
Me: Hot! Take pictures :P
- Current Music:Crystal Cave - S.J. Tucker
Is it just me, or is the entirety of the most recent XKCD made in tiny box form so that it can be userpic-ified?
I've tried to find the motivation and the time, more importantly, to get back onto the Livejournal bandwagon. According to their stats, people blog much less after they are 26. Well, I'm 28. I'm just late. Isn't that the norm for me?
According to good old Livejournal, I haven't blogged in about 1.5 months. So I'l start from there, and give you some photo accompaniment, too.
And I've been sitting on this entry for nearly a month. Sad, eh? No more excuses.
( Johnny & Azania's WeddingCollapse )
( My New ComputerCollapse )
( ChagiCollapse )
( Adam UpdatesCollapse )
* Lauren's birthday and CU friends
* Reviews: Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Crystal Skull
* Reviews: The Incredible Hulk vs. Iron Man
* Visiting Ohio & Chilling withjustbeast
( Hurricane HarborCollapse )
* + 2 Cats, -1 Cat +1,000 Cat Abandonment Sympathy
* Dad's moving out
* Unpacking the apartment - potential dates for a housewarming
* Back and Forth to Maryland
* Link to MLOAD
*
It appears that I've run out of steam, but I will leave the list of things I meant to talk about with the hope of writing about them all in the future.
I will certainly mention now, though, that at the end of September/early October, I'm going back to Congo. It doesn't mean I won't finish my studies, or that I'm leaving New York for good, or anything else. It just means that I have the most incredible opportunity to do masters/senior thesis /doctoral dissertation-level research that I've been CONSUMED with preparing these last couple weeks. I'll be part of the Wasmoeth Wildlife Research team, but pretty much solo on this project. I'll also be helping to take care of and rehabilitate 2 orphaned chimpanzees.
The extra-crazy part? Adam wants to come with me. Nuts, right? We'll see if it actually happens.
Oh, and while my regular journal might stay only-sporadically updated, remember that I'm pretty rigorous about posting to the communitythegarlicbite and I started:
mylife_onceaday
So, if you're keen to see what I'm doing while I'm not updating here, check out:
My Daily Photos There
And I do promise to update more. But for now, I'm running on low battery power and low energy!
According to good old Livejournal, I haven't blogged in about 1.5 months. So I'l start from there, and give you some photo accompaniment, too.
And I've been sitting on this entry for nearly a month. Sad, eh? No more excuses.
( Johnny & Azania's WeddingCollapse )
( My New ComputerCollapse )
( ChagiCollapse )
( Adam UpdatesCollapse )
* Lauren's birthday and CU friends
* Reviews: Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Crystal Skull
* Reviews: The Incredible Hulk vs. Iron Man
* Visiting Ohio & Chilling with
justbeast( Hurricane HarborCollapse )
* + 2 Cats, -1 Cat +1,000 Cat Abandonment Sympathy
* Dad's moving out
* Unpacking the apartment - potential dates for a housewarming
* Back and Forth to Maryland
* Link to MLOAD
*
It appears that I've run out of steam, but I will leave the list of things I meant to talk about with the hope of writing about them all in the future.
I will certainly mention now, though, that at the end of September/early October, I'm going back to Congo. It doesn't mean I won't finish my studies, or that I'm leaving New York for good, or anything else. It just means that I have the most incredible opportunity to do masters/senior thesis /doctoral dissertation-level research that I've been CONSUMED with preparing these last couple weeks. I'll be part of the Wasmoeth Wildlife Research team, but pretty much solo on this project. I'll also be helping to take care of and rehabilitate 2 orphaned chimpanzees.
The extra-crazy part? Adam wants to come with me. Nuts, right? We'll see if it actually happens.
Oh, and while my regular journal might stay only-sporadically updated, remember that I'm pretty rigorous about posting to the community
thegarlicbite and I started:mylife_onceadaySo, if you're keen to see what I'm doing while I'm not updating here, check out:
And I do promise to update more. But for now, I'm running on low battery power and low energy!
- Current Location:Columbia, MD
- Current Music:Ne Me Quitte Pas - Nina Simone
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- Visual Narcissism
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Comments
In a way my Rickman obsession is in no way lessened by hearing he wa slacking in warmth, part of his 'charm', as it were, is that he is so unapproachable.
Mmmmmm…