One Whose Honesty is Stronger Than Her Fear

Subject:	Dear Yulegoat 2019!
Time:	6:40 pm.
Mood:	excited.

Dear Yulegoat!

I am super easy to find. I am Amilyn or AmilynH *everywhere*. I'm Amilyn at AO3, ff.net, DW, & LJ. I'm AmilynH on Tumblr & Twitter, and I'm Ami Lynh on FB. I chatter fannishly about Pretty Ladies in all of these locations.

Fandoms Requested
Early Edition
Birds of Prey (Comic)
Terminator

Overview

DNW: explicit (het or slash); I'm not even really here for romance (except Toni/Gary), and even there, I'm only home for kissing. Undercover performances of romance? SO! Fun! (I could buy into Barbara/Dinah...but it's not my main focus.)

The short summary of What I Love, it goeth thusly:

Badass Ladies Having Canon Compliant Adventures.

I LOVE work that fits tidily into canon. I LOVE my ladies. I LOVE them having badass adventures.

I LOVE hurt/comfort and fear and women saving themselves (and, sometimes, the world).

I love when grief and bitterness are explored in all their complexity; all of these ladies have losses and trauma and grief and What Ifs, but despite that...sometimes because of that...they are still fighting for themselves and others.
I love tropes (handcuffed together and running for their lives, trapped in an elevator during a power cut, pretending to be married [in the suburbs], going undercover as a couple in another situation, "there's a murderer trying to bring down our airplane," someone's been shot during a bank robbery hostage situation [let's be real...ANY hostage situation!], trapped in a cabin during a snowstorm, trapped in a cave-in...you get the idea.)

I like stories that slot tidily into canon because I am a Canon-Based Life Form. I don't HATE AUs (though I do hate the "coffee shop AU" type of AU), but I mainly enjoy "What If" types of AUs where it's "What if this one thing were different..."

This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/849780.html.

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Subject:	Religion
Time:	4:34 pm.
Mood:	distressed.

I posted this on FB just now, and I want to save it here.

American conservative, fundamentalist, and evangelical Christianity is...so damned Pauline. I come from there. I lived and breathed it, 3-4 times a week, for almost 23 years. I tried with EVERYTHING I HAD to be "good enough." To LIVE and THINK in a way that was "Christ-like" and would be enough effort to be "worthy" to sit at the right hand of God, to avoid being told "Depart from me; I never knew thee."

And now, I'm watching so many "Christians"...people who share so many things about my upbringing, including the same holy text, including the desperate need to be "enough" to be pleasing to God and stay in the good graces of a congregation...I'm seeing such disdain and cruelty for the kinds of people I remember being welcomed: people fleeing dangerous regimes, people immigrating for a better life (including the right to worship according to their own consciences). I knew a family who were refugees in the 1970 from Cambodia, a family who were refugees from Madagascar. Both gave up everything. Both were sponsored by members of my childhood congregation.

But now, every conservative, fundamentalist, evangelical, American Christian I see on the news or on the internet is spouting hatred and exclusion.

I see and hear blind support for that man in the White House AND for his statements and policies. I see a resurgence of hostility and isolationism, of "me first" instead of inclusivity and love. I see NO condemnation of the cruelty and open sinfulness of that man in the White House...his behavior, his sexuality, his self-aggrandizement, his cruelty, his eagerness to exclude.

I REMEMBER the disdain of those around me for the "uppity" behavior of Hillary Clinton for being educated and capable, for doing her JOB. I REMEMBER people saying that if Bill Clinton couldn't be trusted to keep his marriage vows, then how could be trusted to uphold the oath of office. I SEE the SAME PEOPLE NOT leveling that concern at a man who didn't even know, upon becoming president, that we have a tri-partate government or what the role of each branch was. I SEE the SAME PEOPLE not seeming to have a problem with that man's daughter having broad access to things FOR WHICH SHE HAS NO EDUCATION nor even a proper security clearance.

I READ vulgar comments that lump together whole groups, judging the one by lies about the many. I see and hear and read racism and exclusion and hatred from those who quoted, as often as possible, that "God is not a respecter of persons," to prove that no individual is greater than another, that ALL are invited to their view of salvation.

I am so so offended by these positions, the way they HARM so many people, and do so while feeling righteous about their hurtful choices, words, and actions.

And I am SO ANGRY about this because I LITERALLY worked and tried SO HARD to live up to the demands of the Christian holy text that I worked my way right into a literal nervous breakdown that took YEARS to reconstruct myself from.

I KNOW what this text says. I KNOW what it means to try with every ounce of your being to follow it. I KNOW how unkind and presumptuous and condescending I was in some of the ways I attempted to adhere to All The Things. I know how I agonised over what I felt I needed to do to be even *heading toward* "good enough."

And I know, in every cell of my being, what it means to "Be ye therefore kind, one to another," and how DIFFICULT and CRITICAL that is. I know what it means to want to care for the widows and orphans and "the least of one of these."

I am deeply offended that these people, who profess to stand for the values I HARMED myself trying to follow closely "enough" are using out-of-context ideas, and, more importantly, WRONG ideas that are CONTRADICTED by the demands of this holy text, to cause HARM and spread HATRED in the way of those Pharisees they count as the villains of the story of one aspect of their deity.

I was WARNED to be cautious in my actions AND THOUGHTS as well as my public behavior, to avoid the outcome of "And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity."

They should consider themselves closely and reflect more directly on their oft-repeated, "What would Jesus do?"

I was going to find an article to quote/link...but there are Just. So. Many. This hurts my heart and makes me nauseated and hopeless. I am SO ANGRY. I know that these people KNOW the text that tells them to BE BETTER. I know because they used that text to tell me to BE BETTER. I am SO sad and heartsick about this.

This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/849175.html.

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Subject:	Shakespeare Bucket
Time:	12:56 am.
Mood:	geeky.

I've been keeping a sort-of-running list/tally in a GoogleDoc. I'm sure it's not precise in the numbers, as there have now been so many I've lost some to the vagaries of memory.

Even so, this is probably pretty close, and on Friday I'm seeing another Much Ado, and I'm hitting another Comedy of Errors for Shakespeare in the Park with Chicago Shakespeare, so those numbers will each go up.

What I've seen and how many versions on Film (F) and on Stage (S):
As You Like It: F-1; S-1
Comedy of Errors: S-1
Love's Labour's Lost: F-1; S-1
Measure for Measure: S-1
Merchant of Venice: F-1; S-1
Merry Wives of Windsor: S-1
Midsummer Night's Dream: F-1; S-10
Much Ado about Nothing: F-2; S-4
Taming of the Shrew: F-1; S-4
Twelfth Night: F-2; S-4
Henry V: F-1; S-2
Richard II: F-2; S-1
Richard III: F-1
Hamlet: F-3; S-5
King Lear: F-4; S-4
Macbeth: F-4; S-6
Othello: F-3; S-4
Romeo and Juliet: F-2; S-4
Cymbeline: S-1
Pericles: S-1
The Tempest: S-3
Winter's Tale: F-2; S-3

Still need to see, and I've asterisked the ones that I MOST want to see:
All's Well That Ends Well
Two Gentlemen of Verona
**Henry IV, Part I
Henry IV, Part II
Henry VI, Part I
Henry VI, Part II
Henry VI, Part III
Henry VIII
King John
**Antony and Cleopatra [I saw PART of the BBC series production...but it was SO bad I didn't make it through]
Coriolanus
**Julius Caesar
Timon of Athens
Titus Andronicus
Troilus and Cressida

This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/848676.html.

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Subject:	I hate Easter
Time:	3:13 pm.
Mood:	angry.

Warning: Rant about religion. I know this does not apply to everyone religious. But it makes me angry, and it hurts people, whether it's how any individual uses this or not.

I. Hate. Easter. And I'm SO angry at the religion that celebrates torture for manipulation.

This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/848546.html.

Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Subject:	Dear Yoda: May the Fourth Be With You
Time:	1:22 pm.
Mood:	chipper.

My Dear Yoda Letter for the 2109 May the Fourth Be With You 2019 Exchange

General Thoughts, mostly repeated below
I love hurt/comfort. I love bonding under pressure. I love tropes. I love characters coping with trauma and helping others cope with trauma. I am a canon-based life form and love things immersed and embedded deeply and carefully in canon.

Leia Organa/Han Solo OR Character: Leia Organa

I love Leia. I love Han and Leia. But I want LEIA, even if you don't use Han. I am interested in them pre-ESB; there are two years of open canon there. I am really interested in the post-Death Star to Hoth period, as the most-explored time is when they're dancing in earnest around their attraction. I'm also thrilled with anything in the OT period. Or in the early days of the New Republic. Or during her pregnancy with Ben or just after Ben's birth. Or their reaction to Ben's massacre of Luke's school. Or them in the intervening years as they run into each other on occasion. Or just LEIA...dealing and pushing forward and suppressing her own needs and fears and trauma and despair.

I prefer canon-adherent stories (and I default to FILMED canon as my preference for my own consumption). And...I want to see Leia with a lightsaber SO. Damned. BADLY. So......my AU preferences involve Leia training *somehow*, using the Force. I mean, "You have that power too. Someday you will learn to use it as I have."

I love tropes.
Trapped in a cave-in (where it is, of course, damp and cold).
Chained/cuffed together and running for their lives.
Hurt/comfort.
Aftermath of torture/trauma.
Leia using the Force. Gods, PLEASE, Leia using the Force.
I don't need smut; I'm happy with Han and Leia interacting (in a romantic way or not). I am fine with smut, though I prefer it as a catalyst to story or character rather than a means to an end or as a gratuitous wish-fulfillment way.

Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla
I love these two. I love them so much.

I prefer canon-adherent stories (and I default to FILMED canon as my preference for my own consumption). I get that it means there is tragedy built in...but isn't that the way of things with Star Wars?

I have a slight preference for S3 and S4 Kanan & Hera because I think Kanan's blindness adds a wrinkle of complexity that I think is interesting (although that's only the case if it's handled as *blindness* rather than ignored as "got that totally covered with the Force without effort or anything, yo").

I love tropes.
Trapped in a cave-in (where it is, of course, damp and cold).
Chained/cuffed together and running for their lives.
Hurt/comfort.
"Pretending" to be married.
Spycraft.
Aftermath of torture/trauma.
I don't need smut; I'm happy with Kanan and Hera interacting (in a romantic way or not). I am fine with smut, though I prefer it as a catalyst to story or character rather than a means to an end or as a gratuitous wish-fulfillment way.

Leia Organa & Hera Syndulla
These two amazing women met in "A Princess on Lothal," but Hera had to have been aware of Leia even before that, and certainly knew who Bail Organa was. I don't personally believe that Hera and Bail were close, but they WERE both on Yavin. They WERE known to one another. They WERE part of shared briefings. And, no matter how close they weren't, the loss of Alderaan was a huge loss for the Rebellion (not anything like the same as its loss for Leia, to be sure). Hera's losses, though, are ones that would make her more able to relate to Leia. More able to relate to Luke, for that matter. And Hera and Leia are both women who have lived their whole lives at war, whose fathers' entire adult lives were lived fighting for freedom, who have both lost their mothers to this war, and, each in her way, lost her father to the war.

I want to see them interact. Better yet? I want to see them on a mission on the Ghost together, between Yavin and Hoth. Gimme badass women in jeopardy. Gimme badass women having each other's backs (literal back-to-back fighting is TOTALLY something I'm down for). Gimme piecemeal opening up of the strongly compartmentalized emotional depths of either or both of them with the other. It doesn't have to be a deep heart-to-heart...but to come to an accord, an understanding that they each DO really understand more than either ought to have to...yeah.

I love tropes.
Trapped in a cave-in.
Chained/cuffed together and running for their lives.
Hurt/comfort.
Pretending to be married for the mission.
Undercover spycraft.
Aftermath of torture/trauma.
Chopper interacting with Leia in a way that either embarrasses or totaly surprises Hera.

My lovely ladies, working together, admiring and respecting one another, and supporting each other. I'm THERE for this.

Leia Organa & Luke Skywalker & Han Solo
For this one, what I really want is snarky, teamy goodness sometime between Yavin and Hoth. Early days. Luke can't even telekinetic well.

I prefer canon-adherent stories (and I default to FILMED canon as my preference for my own consumption). I'm not interested in smut for this trio.

I've suggested this one entirely because THESE story ideas CALL to me:

1. I'd love to see these three, escaped from near ruinous capture by some Imperial something and chained or cuffed together and running for their lives....and ALL THREE furious at the others for messing things up. Bonus points for hurt/comfort because at least one *cough*Leia*cough* (if not all three) is/are injured and hiding it from the others.

2. I'd really love an early mission--maybe setting up base just after the evacuation of Yavin?--where they learn things that the others know how to do that they've never thought of; early days, when they just don't KNOW each other, even though they're bound together by trauma and loss and the adrenaline of fighting together. EVERYTHING is new for Luke. Everything is bittersweet for Leia. EVERYTHING is, "Why the hell am I even HERE?" for Han, who doesn't WANT to care about these people as much as he already does. How does that dynamic work as they settle into this forged-in-battle pattern?

Bonus points for inclusion of:
-Undertones and highlights that include aftermath of torture/trauma and/or acknowledgement of the MASSIVE losses that Luke & Leia experienced in that one 24 hour period where they both lost EVERYTHING...and met each other.
-Leia inadvertently using the Force but everyone either not noticing or just shrugging it off as "that's a bit odd...whatever..."
-Luke trying to use the Force and finding that it doesn't work as he *expected*...but that it still helps.

This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/848314.html.

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Subject:	Natalie Lambert
Time:	11:00 pm.
Mood:	happy.

Once Upon A Time...

There was a series of murder mystery shows that ran on CBS Late Night as "Crime Time After Prime Time." Back then, David Letterman was on NBC, after Leno. Back then, scripted television was everywhere.

Well, everywhere on network television, some cable networks, and in syndication. Mostly on network television with a small syndi market. Cable was still finding its footing with New Stuff that wasn't Showing Movies or dipping toes into reality TV (MTV was, for example, still showing music videos).

Back then, there were no streaming things because even still images broke your bandwidth with one image attached to an email. Hell, sometimes an email where the text was too long broke your bandwidth.

In these days, the internet was young, and the AOL Gateway hadn't broadened access to those outside of the government, military, and university settings. In these days, having a 2400 baud modem was "fast" when you dialed up on your phone line to send a batch of emails and pull down your new emails to read once you'd logged off.

Crime Time After Prime Time added a series in the spring of 1992.

It was a first.

It was the first Canadian cop show on a main US Network. PLENTY of shows were shot in Canada, but this one was FILMED in Toronto AND SET in Toronto. It actually SHOWED OFF the city where it was filmed. Most of the main characters were played by Canadians--most of whom had noticeable Canadian accents (or, in the main character's case, Welsh-Canadian). In fact, two of the actors playing main characters were born in the UK...long before the MAJOR British and Australian TV invasion of the mid aughts.

It was the first TV series to feature a vampire cop, trying to earn redemption (it re-made the TV movie that was one by the same writer/producer years before).

It was quite possibly the first show to be brought back for a second season over 18 months after its (first) cancellation at the end of Season 1. Over 18 months after the sets had been struck.

It was one of the first shows to go from a major network to straight syndication.

It was one of the first shows to go from straight syndication to being a first-run-on-cable series. (That was after it was cancelled following Season 2 and resurrected again...perhaps another first.)

It was one of the very first shows to bridge from offline fandom to online fandom (nearly concurrent with Highlander: The Series).

It was one of the first shows with a "Save Our Show" campaign that garnered attention by focusing on raising money for charity (in this case Pediatric AIDS). The fund-raising and specifically using Western Union to donate resulted in random Western Union operators saying, "Oh! You're one of those people calling for this thing!" I explained the premise to the curious and interested Western Union operator I talked to.

It was one of the first to involve mailing STUFF to the producers to get their attention (this was before bottles of Tabasco sauce, peanuts, bras for Bonnie Hammer...), although ours was sending children's toys (balloons, bubbles, superballs, water pistols, super soakers...) to the set to cheer up the crew when we KNEW S3 was going to be the end (there was...some hope? But we knew). The Executive Producer (I think it was Barney Cohen) got a message through to the mailing list saying that everyone was deeply touched and thanking us...but begging us to stop because, "We can't get any work done!"

It is the only show I know of where fans went to NATPE (National Association of Television Program Executives) to promote the series to syndicators for renewal.

The show has not aged well: it looks melodramatic and over-the-top and derivative. But it was the first TV series to use weird, steep angles with tilted cameras, dark lighting and dim ambience, moody and gothy characters who were often nihilistic (or, at the very least, self-pitying). It matters that it was first in a long line of things that now make it seem so derivative because, despite it being small and little-known, it was influential.

I still miss Natalie Lambert, Coroner to the Undead. I finally have my Natalie Mood Set back; it got broken on LJ when LJ borked ALL the image address links years ago.

So...here is my return to my love for this character, nearly 27 years after I first met her back when I was student teaching in the spring of 1992, when Forever Knight got the Tuesday night spot at 10:35 pm Central time on the Crime Time After Prime Time series (Thursday's entry was the glossy soft-core porn Silk Stalkings set in Palm Springs FL...others were Dangerous Curves, Blind Justice, and Sweating Bullets).

Enjoy my mood set with my pretty pictures of my lovely Natalie from my delightful, dated, Canadian, Vampire-Cop show. I miss her.

This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/847682.html.

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Subject:	Cold Days are for Cooking
Time:	6:54 pm.
Mood:	cheerful.

Chicago is closed down. Public schools, universities...so we are here, at home. Days with severe inclement weather say to me: "Cook! Cook all the things!"

I made a scramble this morning with onion, mushrooms, spinach, and cheese. It was AWESOME!

I also made brownies, which, given that we were lacking milk (**sob**) we ate over vanilla ice cream. The brownies were better just as brownies. I'm very excited to have more now that Husband, who had to go to work, is home with more milk.

These brownies are from a recipe "The Best Fudgy Brownies" by Tasty which I've found easy to customize. I always am generous with the vanilla and cocoa powder. I always add 1/4 tsp coffee extract and 1/4 tsp pure almond extract. I also like ground nuts. Last time I used moist, ground pecans. This time I used almonds. Both are good. I like the little crunch the almonds add. This recipe is awesome.

There is also an ENORMOUS pot of bean stew with spinach. (Photos to come once it has cooked.)

Dinner is also in progress: chicken marinated in spices, roasted garlic whole wheat couscous, and roasted asparagus. MMmmmm.

This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/847467.html.

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Subject:	Wherein it is FUCKING cold
Time:	11:59 am.
Mood:	cold.

So...the air temp at 10:30 am is -18F. The wind chill is -42F.

Our heater is keeping up without even running entirely constantly. I can feel that it is cold outside, but we are SO SO fortunate with our 50s-construction, brick-exterior, 12-15-inch-thick exterior walls are holding up to keep us warm.

The ONLY thing that could get me to leave the house (as in "go onto the porch") today is the idea of flinging a bowl of water into the air to watch it rain down as insta-frozen snow.

This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/847152.html.

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Subject:	Seven Bean Soup with Spinach
Time:	3:37 pm.
Mood:	full.

Seven Bean Soup with Spinach

1 1/2 Tbsp olive oil
2 c yellow onion, diced
2 c celery, diced
1/3 c garlic, minced
1 1/2 tsp rubbed sage
1 1/2 tsp thyme
3/4 tsp celery seed
1/2 tsp cayenne pepper
1 Tbsp ground black pepper
1 c black beans, dried
1 c red kidney beans, dried
1 c lentils, dried
1/3 c green split peas, dried
1/3 c lima beans, large, dried
1/3 c pinto beans, dried
1/3 c garbanzo beans, dried
1/3 c navy beans, dried
1-2 gallon water
1/8 to 1/4 c salt
24 oz fresh baby spinach

Saute onions and celery in olive oil till soft and translucent. Add garlic. Stir.
Add spices (except salt). Stir.
Rinse beans. Add, stir. Add water (till beans are covered by at least 2" of water). Bring to a boil. Allow to boil at a hard boil for 5-10 minutes. Turn down to lowest setting and cover. Let stand, keeping on low heat, for 6-12 hours, stirring occasionally; alternately, turn up to a low simmer. Cook until beans are desired consistence.
Stir. Add salt to taste. Add spinach in batches as it cooks down. Stir well after each large addition of spinach. Cook with spinach for 5-10 minutes.

I'm hoping this "Nutrition Label" from VeryWellFit, where I said "20 servings," is about accurate.

This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/846612.html.

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Subject:	In which it is cold
Time:	3:53 pm.
Mood:	cold.

It is cold.

When we left the house this morning it was, I think, -2F (-19C). I think the warmest it got today was 6 or 7F (-14C). I work downtown, near the Lake. It's warmer here than out west of the city.

Our area has a wind chill advisory. Because, well, yeah.

erinosse, I would like to go on the record showing you how I dressed today because it is cold.

I wore jeans and a short-sleeved shirt. Over that, I wore a long, heavy cotton-knit skirt and a long-sleeved cardigan (buttoned). Over that I wore two scarves, one around my neck and one wrapped around my head and held in place by a double-thickness, hand-knitted woolen hat. Over that I wore a long-sleeved, heavy denim jacket (buttoned). Over that I wore my woolen coat with thick gloves. I also wore thick socks and my good tennis shoes.

I am still at my desk by the wall where the windows are. I am wearing the jeans, skirt, cardigan, and one scarf (looped around my neck).

My toes are cold.

This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/846549.html.

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Subject:	Signal boost: Student Research
Time:	11:40 am.
Mood:	hopeful.

Dear Chicagoland friends,

Students at my school are doing valuable research for a full-year research project for an AP Research class. One is researching the connection between religion/religious practice and political views/activity. She is looking for adult participants from the CHICAGO adults of voting age.

It is a VERY short survey. If you would be willing to fill it out (only identifying information is an email address to prevent duplication of participation), the poll on religion's effect on political views is here.

Please pass this on anywhere you think people might participate!

Thanks!
Ami This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/846158.html.

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Subject:	Icons
Time:	12:52 am.
Mood:	pleased.

I finally paid for a DW account and have uploaded over 120 icons.

I went through my travel photos, chose about 14, and then resized and compressed them. I got

oldtoadwoman to add the words, use the .gif creator, and make this icon. I really love it. Toad is the best.

I've also got most of my old icons here (some I just don't need and won't use).

Now what I want is to get my Natalie mood set uploaded. I wonder if that's even a thing at DW. This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/845996.html.

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Subject:	Nathan Phillips, Omaha Elder vs. white supremacy and toxic masculinity
Time:	1:23 pm.
Mood:	thoughtful.

This story is not about me.

But, peripherally, it touches my experiences in ways that have been, for me, incredibly unsettling.

My FB is my space, and while I have endeavoured to keep the focus, as much as I can, on Nathan Phillips and his calm in the face of provocation, on his expression of STILL BEING in the face of the descendents of those who slaughtered his people and millions of other peoples, there are things I need to say for me in addition to that.

I have been just as guilty as anyone of dismissing these boys as products of Kentucky, of The South.

But I also want to show maps. Covington Catholic, which is just outside Covington, KY, is latitudinally NORTH (based on latitude) of St. Louis, Missouri. It's a mile from Cincinnati OH. These are not Southern Strongholds.  My own bias that The South holds a corner on vicious racism, anti-Semitism, and sexism is exaggerated.  Based on my experiences, I don't believe my perception is utterly wrong, but I know it is exaggerated.

I live in Chicago.  I've never had an address that was not in the state of Illinois.  But Illinois is longer than most know.  I grew up 2 hours south of St. Louis, only 45 min from the nearest parts of KY (closer as the crow flies). But parts of Kentucky, including Louisville, including Covington, are significantly north of where I grew up.  And the southern mentality ascribed to Kentucky (by me and popular assumption) was just as strong in the southern third of Illinois.

My near-south/mid-south upbringing exposed me to toxic male cruelty and indifference. These boys, their stances, their faces, their expressions...they look like the kids I went to school with 40 years ago. This teen's smirk just CREEPS me out beyond what I can express. It makes my skin crawl. And for good reason: these are the people I grew up with.  These are the kinds of people who hurt me, often.  These are the kinds of behaviors still passing for "boys will be boys" in the town where I no longer live.

It's not that nothing has changed.  Things are better in many ways and in many places.  I moved to an urban area much farther north.  However, *where* things haven't changed...they SO haven't changed. And where those changes haven't advanced as much as they have in cities, the pressure from the areas that are doing better by women, by people of color, that pressure makes this pushback from those still mired in their sense of entitlement and supremacy even more desperate. And desperate people were scary and dangerous from the pressures they felt in the 70s and 80s. 

That kid's face...it made me *shiver* in place.  I am afraid of people who smirk like that.

Nathan Phillips is a hero to me, for standing between black men these boys were targeting, for offering up healing to unwilling and uninterested kids because it was right, for proving his survival and presence calmly and with love in the face of an overt threat.  His healing did not seem to touch these boys (at least, not yet...I do have some hope).  But his healing touched me, and his bravery gives me a droplet more courage of my own.

This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/845703.html.

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Subject:	Dear Yulegoat!
Time:	12:21 pm.
Mood:	guilty.

Dear Yulegoat!

I am made of fail. I truly love all my requests equally. I just didn't get my updates made to my letter till today. I'm SO sorry for the delay. I've been SO crazy-busy-stressed.

Please forgive me for the delay...and here is the updated letter with all the details: https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/845235.html. I hope I didn't much up your schedule.

Have fun...I hope you have SO MUCH FUN! This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/845460.html.

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Subject:	Dear Yulegoat2018!
Time:	9:59 pm.
Mood:	hopeful.

Dear Yulegoat!

I'm SO sorry for how long this took.

I HONESTLY love them all! Really! I'm so sorry there is more information on the one than the others; I've just been crazy-busy and didn't get back to my sign-up in time.

The short summary of What I Love goes as follows: Badass Ladies Having Canon Compliant Adventures. I LOVE work that fits tidily into canon. I LOVE my ladies. I LOVE them having badass adventures. I LOVE hurt/comfort and fear and women saving themselves (and, sometimes, the world). I truly am a Canon-Based Life Form. I don't HATE AUs (though I do hate the "coffee shop AU" type of AU), but I mainly enjoy "What If" types of AUs where it's "What if this one thing were different..."

Request 1 by Amilyn
Fandom: Early Edition
Toni Brigatti Marissa Clark
PLEASE ignore the Air Crash Investigation thing; that was aimed at ONE person (who wrote it for me last year).
I don't need to have BOTH Marissa and Toni; I just want at least one of them foregrounded. I also love Cat. I'm happy to have Gary strongly in the story too, but I really want it all about my ladies.
Basically....these women being awesome. Marissa and Toni teaming up! Brigatti and Gary (snowed into a cabin, perhaps...)! Marissa and blind adventures! The women handling things when Gary can't. Toni knowing or not knowing about the paper. Hijinks. Toni and Gary together...or not *yet* together. Toni/Gary OTP. Marissa's skills and abilities being remembered. Marissa getting out of the bar to do things. Cat and Toni coming to a detente. Toni covering for Gary and taking heat from Winston. Toni and Miguel meeting and realizing they both find Gary a likeable oddball who has...something going on...and comparing notes. A Day In The Life of Team!Gary's!Paper. Toni and Marissa going undercover as a couple. So many options...and a magical newspaper brought by a cat.

Request 2 by Amilyn
Fandom: Sarah Jane Adventures
Sarah Jane Smith
It was always about Sarah Jane. In Doctor Who, in the audios, in SJA. I love my Sarah...in every iteration and every time. I admit, I'm not too invested or interested in Sky; I never got attached. I enjoy the other kids (though I love Sarah's interactions with Clyde most of all). That said...my FAVORITE SJA Sarah is in "Invasion of the Bane." She's still prickly, brittle, CLEVER--oh SO clever, and goes, fully calculating, toe-to-toe with an opponent. I LOVE Sarah, finally, oh-so-late in the game, meeting Jo Grant and other former companions. I'm fascinated that they never found one another until so LONG after they'd been dropped off. I DO feel we were cheated of the chance (in fanfic--I never expected it from the series) for Rose to call up Sarah once she was no longer travelling with the Doctor. I'd love to see a Tea with Former Travellers with the Doctor Group for those living in the 21st century in the UK. But I love FAR more Action!Sarah. She still running, after all these years. Still poking her nose in where it doesn't belong. Still standing up to dangerous aliens and helping the lost ones get home. I LOVE that she's the rescuer of wayward aliens, sort of like an old cat lady, but for aliens. I love that she's seen as the Crazy Old Lady of Bannerman Road...and how she, like the Doctor, keeps her distance because it's Not Safe for the others, the ones who don't have that kind of courage and fearlessness and foolishness and willingness to ask the right questions...she keeps them away unless they're particularly persistent. I love Sarah. As long as Sarah is the focus, I'll love it, no matter who else you bring on board (from the audios, DW, TW, ...no matter what). I also LIVE for tropes, though with Sarah, a straightforward adventure is aces. Literally...give me Sarah, flawed and prickly and nosy and clever and stubborn and brave and terrified and fighting for what she believes in and rashly running in with barely a plan...I love her.

Request 3 by Amilyn
Fandom: Cagney and Lacey
Mary Beth Lacey
I love Mary Beth. As a teenager, Christine was my favorite. As an adult, now that I have kids, I relate more to Mary Beth. I love how she juggles--and tries to juggle--all these things that matter to her...marriage, motherhood, profession. I am a sucker for hurt-comfort, tropes, hostage situations. A couple of my favorite scenes/episodes, are Mary Beth in "Heat" in the train yard being held hostage and how everyone tries to manage all the things, what a GREAT cop she is, keeping the pressure on this dangerous man the whole time. Mary Beth and Christine in a bank hostage situation would be lovely. I love Mary Beth and Christine going out and drinking together...that one scene of them leaving their responsibilities behind and bonding...so good. Hell...it would be fun to see them, in a later Menopause-Years kind of setting, having to play a couple undercover. I love the shootout in the series finale. I love these two and their interactions...the ways their values and backgrounds clash...and the way they mesh. I love Mary Beth as a mother. I love her as a cop. I love her as a friend. I love everything about her. (And I love the others, too...feel free to include ANYONE, so long as Mary Beth is the focus.

This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/845235.html.

Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:	Farewells: Obituary, Helmut Liedloff
Time:	8:35 pm.
Mood:	melancholy.

This man made the life I live possible. I received his obituary, clipped from the newspaper, in the mail from my mom. It's melancholy, and I've been quietly a bit sad today.

In my junior year of high school, Ila Adhikari asked me if I wanted to carpool to the PSAT. It was only because of her that I TOOK that test, that I knew there were entrance requirements for college.

In my senior year of high school, David Mendriski, my German and Latin teacher, nominated me for the Helmut and Mary Liedloff Scholarship for German. I was awarded a 4-year full-tuition scholarship to SIU-C, where I studied German and English, AND received additional monies from my PSAT scores.

Dr. Liedloff was one of my professors, one of my mentors, and he was my benefactor. His generosity, his textbooks, his teaching, his energy...they all made my achievements in college foundationally possible. I hope he was still able to read the postcard I sent him from Germany last November.

One of my few regrets in my life is that I was unprepared for his class on November 10, 1989, and I skipped class. He suspended the regular plan to talk about the fall of the Berlin Wall, about which I'd not even yet heard. I could have heard his perspective on that event...a division that happened in his living memory, and that none of us expected to come to an end in our lifetimes.

He lived a good, long, full life. I'm honored to have known him, and I'm forever grateful for the education he made financially possible for me, for all I learned from him studying from textbooks he wrote and then teaching from them, and for all he taught me in his classes.

I tell his stories regularly. May he live on through them. Fair skies, sir.

This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/843661.html.

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Subject:	AP Reading, Part the Last
Time:	12:13 pm.
Mood:	chipper.

I got home last night at 12:30. It was a smooooth, nice drive. I'm so glad I slept (for as much as I got to sleep) at home.

At the end of the Reading, I had scored 1050 booklets (NOT all of those had essays; many were blank). I had a GREAT table, a GREAT table leader, and a really REALLY nice time.

And I SLEPT. In tonight's forecast: more sleep to come. Incidentally, it is FRELLING hot here.

This morning, I drove the kids to school then come to the uni to do work. I have done SO MANY little things this morning! The beauty of caffeine....

Graded the last stragglers that arrived after I started the Reading. Put in those grades.

Contacted admin about a student who's going to probably complain about their grade.

Posted grades for dual credit senior classes.

Replied to emails.

Set up an appointment for my kid.

Applied for a bunch of little scholarships a search engine found for me.

Set up the calendar with all the stuff for my summer classes for the week.

Now to go meet Elf for traffic court. ....And write postcards!

And then to my first summer class, then to do my homework for TOMORROW's summer class!!

Wheeeee!!!

I'm so happy. So content. :-)

This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/843236.html.

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Subject:	Spring, Family, General
Time:	9:07 pm.
Mood:	content.

Today was the first day it has FELT like spring to me.

I've watched spring slowly open up in lawns and flowers and tree leaves and everyone's allergies and sniffles.

But today was breezy and sunny and not HOT, but not CHILLY.

Husband taught me how to service my bike (now I've got to make a checklist because I'll NEVER remember the steps a YEAR from now) and I took it for a spin...and I felt so FREE.  I forget how much I LOVE biking when I'm not biking.  So...biking!  After tomorrow, I'll be able to bike the lakefront every day!

We sat out on the front stoop and looked at my weed jungle, brought Tailsworth out in a harness so she could investigate the jungle and sniff the bird and squirrel scent, and Elf threw the helicopters that went from Spring!Green! last week to brown in the past two days on the maple tree out front.  Tailsworth tried swatting at a few of them.

We brushed out the dog (who got bathed last week!!!) and produced at LEAST a 6-month-old puppy's worth of fur, AND she got her nails trimmed and a little walk down the sidewalk.

And, as of about 1:49 am this morning, I have TWO sixteen-year-old offspring.

My. Children. Are. Sixteeen.

BOTH OF THEM.

SIXTEEN.

I just can't.

This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/841983.html.

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Subject:	December and fandom
Time:	6:02 pm.
Mood:	chipper.

I have been lax about posting here.

This December has been awesome.

Star Wars came out. I love it. And, although it's our last scenes with Carrie Fisher playing Leia...they were OH, so good. I am content.

The last episode of Doctor Who with Peter Capaldi aired. It was a LOVELY farewell to so many things I've loved from this era...Moffat's writing, Capaldis' Doctor, Bill, a kind of storytelling and sense of history I adore, kisses with history. Yeah. Again, I am content.

The story I wrote for Yuletide has been well-received, and I am CHUFFED to bits; I thought no one would read it other than a few friends and the recipient; it's...an odd piece.

The story I GOT for Yuletide from my wonderful writer is...a THING OF BEAUTY. It is a wonderful love letter...to fandom, to Early Edition, to fanfic, to our combined efforts to keep alive stories we hold dear. ....And then it's a great story on TOP of that! I mean...Toni and Gary...an AU that lets us see them doing new stuff...it's JOYFUL. Pilot Project. DO read it!

THEN there is a story that

oldtoadwoman wrote for me for Christmas! It's also Early Edition...but is a crossover with The Dead Zone, AND it's a love letter to Chicago, to the oddness and wonderful eccentricities of our city...and it has the BEST narrative style. I LOVE it. The Storm Comes on Little Cat Feet. You don't need to know the shows to enjoy it. Truly.

In RL, my Husband won Christmas and got SWORDS for our children. I got to go to Germany last month for Christmas, so that was FANTASTIC. This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/841483.html.

Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Subject:	Dear Yulegoat2017!
Time:	11:31 pm.
Mood:	cheerful.

Dear Yulegoat!

I'm so excited that we love the same things.

I love stories about women, from women's points of view, highlighting and centering on women. My requests are largely based around wanting to see more of these awesome women doing awesome things.

Ultimately, I am boring. I request the same thing year after year after year. This is NOT because I Haven't Gotten That Right Story. I have. Over and Over. And they are JOYFUL and WONDROUS and I LOVE them. And it's that same thing I crave more of.

I am a canon-based life form; I love canon compliant fic. This year I've requested some AUs, but I still typically like for the AUs to stay within the characters from the source, to stick with the original text's elements and details, and then build/modify from there.

Some theme/story elements I particularly enjoy: emotionally complex relationships between difficult/different people, found family, identity issues, grief and coping with loss, positioning oneself with regard to conflict with family, and snarky dialogue.

I love short fic, vignettes, casefic, just-like-an-episode fic, episode tie-ins.

Do Not Wants: AUs of the "What if they were all high school students/baristas/circus performers/etc?" variety, A/B/O or other "soulmate" tropes, supernatural stuff in canons where supernatural stuff is not canon, and PWPs.

My all-time favorite tropes, were you to feel so inclined: Pretending to be Married in the Suburbs, Cuffed/Chained Together and Running for their Lives, Hostage Situation, Couple's Retreat, Snowed In With A Crisis (think "Darkness Falls" in XF rather than PWP), Presumed Dead, Groundhog Day (where applicable)

I threw prompt ideas into my optional details, and you may play with those if they strike your fancy.

Also feel free to ask me anonymous questions here; I'm rubbish at ISP tracking and will never figure out who you are.

Thank you again for writing for me. I'm so excited to see the love letter you write to one of our shared favorites!

I neglected to put my prompts here.

Fandom: Early Edition
Gary Hobson Toni Brigatti Marissa Clark

These women being awesome. The women handling things when Gary can't. Toni knowing or not knowing about the paper. Hijinks. Toni and Gary together...or not yet together. Toni/Gary OTP. Marissa's skills and abilities being remembered. Marissa getting out of the bar to do things. AU Toni and Gary as NTSB Air Crash Investigators. Noir-AU Toni as a hard-boiled detective and Gary as her main suspect AND her odd client. Cat and Toni coming to a detente. Toni covering for Gary and taking heat from Winston. Toni and Miguel meeting and realizing they both find Gary a likeable oddball who has...something going on...and comparing notes. A Day In The Life of Team!Gary's!Paper. So many options...and a magical newspaper brought by a cat.

Fandom: Anna to the Infinite Power - Mildred Ames
Anna Hart (Anna to the Infinite Power - Mildred Ames)

What happens when Anna finds out about what happened to the other Annas?
Who was Michaela, and how does Anna find out (or how do Anna and Rowan find out together)?
What parts of Anna Zimmerman does grown-up Eve become after all?

Fandom: Frankenstein - Mary Shelley
Frankenstein's Creature (Frankenstein - Mary Shelley) Elizabeth Lavenza (Frankenstein - Mary Shelley)

AU where Elizabeth and the Creature discuss life, the universe, and everything.
AU where Elizabeth and the Creature realize together that Victor really is just a childish, sophomoric, moron college kid and compare notes on how useless and selfish Victor is.
Elizabeth and the Creature connect over trying to help Victor grow up.

This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/841033.html.

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