Why are you looking at my blog?
Go find yourself a better blog to read already.
Don't make me bore you.
At least leave a comment,
then I know who to shut if my secrets are out.
6 comments | Leave a comment
Bonjour, mon amour
Le Big, Le Petite
07 May 2020 @ 03:42 am
Why are you looking at my blog?
Go find yourself a better blog to read already.
Don't make me bore you.
At least leave a comment,
then I know who to shut if my secrets are out.
11 April 2013 @ 01:44 pm
11 April 2013 @ 01:42 pm
10th April 2013
Why do i rush into success when i can sit back and enjoy the process of success? The very reason i quit school is because i dont want to rush my whole life to death, literally.
Why not sit back and observe your surrounding? Inspirations are everywhere. Be inspired.
I'm afraid of big things.
Big objects.
Big people.
Big sounds.
Big dreams.
Maybe that's why I could never see the sky for long.
I'm afraid of what it holds.
I'm afraid of my future.
It's big and far away, just like the sky.
I want to embrace it.
Face my fear, face my future.
Look for my life in this big big world.
Find my purpose in life.
Real purpose.
Not design purpose.
Or designed purpose.
I know my life will be a lot bigger than it is now.
I dont know, but I just know it.
I'm sure of it.
I just want to send this to my closer friends, not knowing its purpose, but i just feel that you guys can understand where i'm coming from. I don't need extra explanations for it. I'm seeing some of you living your dream and im proud and envious to say that you guys are. I'm still having nightmares of not being able to graduate and I think it will still haunt me for awhile, but I'm glad to say that you my friend are living a wonderful life. Each of you are living your success and I will eventually get there too. I don't know how long I will take to get there, it scares me to even think about it, but when times comes, do tell me alright, friend? :) I'm happy to grow with everyone.
Travelling is good.
It cleases the mind and soul and refreshes my life. I guess I'm just being my spiritual self again.
Friends, stop me when I rush into success again the next time. It's been awhile since I spoke my mind so clearly like this and I must say that I was clearly desperately making up for quitting school by piling up work in my life, and I almost lost my mind by getting 38.6 degrees for 5 days, almost missing my japan trip. I'm lucky to have you guys, for you guys can tell when im pushing myself to my limits.
I'll do my best to live on my own pace from now on, and as friends, please watch me grow :)
Thank you :)
Loves,
Christina
Xoxo
Today I saw myself. A bespectacled, punggol sec uniform, long blouse, skirt so long it could reach the ankles, green prefect tie, tied-up hair, exposed forehead, carrying a bag bigger than herself and shoes bigger than she can fit in. I saw a girl who reminded me of my past. I wanted to reach out my hands to tap her shoulders. I resisted. I wondered if the ten years younger me would want to see the ten years later her in this state. Jobless. Out of school. Freeloader. I couldn't bare to tell her, but I wouldn't bare to leave my eyes off her too. She kept looking back at me as I stared unintentionally.
20 years down the road, how would I be if i happen to see the 22 years old me staring at 12 years old me? It all happens under the same huge blue sky...
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
03 December 2012 @ 12:43 am
It's been a while since I'm this enthusiastic about my own ideas that I want to make them alive, and people whom I have shared my ideas with are agreeable with it. I like it when I like my own ideas and I work towards it, without anyone interfering with it, because I know it can be quite awesome if I work towards my expectations.
I guess all these inspiration stuffs are getting onto me when freelance work is mundane and I have more time to think about such things.
Hope these collaborative projects will come to life :)
I guess all these inspiration stuffs are getting onto me when freelance work is mundane and I have more time to think about such things.
Hope these collaborative projects will come to life :)
25 November 2012 @ 07:10 pm
It's the one thing I'm always proud of myself and now I'm being described as someone who is two years lagging behind as compared to my peers. No doubt I'm not as street smart as my peers, simply because I never have the trouble to live being poor or having to trouble for my next meal. I'm very much covered for life by my parents. I'm so well pampered, I'm taking it for granted.
Telling my brother-in-law my future plans helps me a little in setting my goals straight and working towards them. Taking freelance job is the first step to stepping out of my comfort zone and I need to sustain that kind of effort. Depression should not be an excuse for me to avoid work or social contacts just because i'm afraid that I might succumb to fear again. I need to stand strong and have my own stand and face the challenges ahead.
Life is not just about things that don't get your way, but it's about living up to your existence. Everyone lives and works hard because this is their life. I have not felt 'alive' simply because I have everything in reach and at hand.
I will start living for myself from now on.
Live for my existence, live for my future, live for my happiness.
I can and should no longer live under the shelter of my parents' hardworks and start moving on with my own life.
Because this is my life, and this is how I need to live with it.
Not getting comfortable with life, to the point that I don't get sociable,
but being out there and reaching out to more people so that I can understand the true meaning of life.
Telling my brother-in-law my future plans helps me a little in setting my goals straight and working towards them. Taking freelance job is the first step to stepping out of my comfort zone and I need to sustain that kind of effort. Depression should not be an excuse for me to avoid work or social contacts just because i'm afraid that I might succumb to fear again. I need to stand strong and have my own stand and face the challenges ahead.
Life is not just about things that don't get your way, but it's about living up to your existence. Everyone lives and works hard because this is their life. I have not felt 'alive' simply because I have everything in reach and at hand.
I will start living for myself from now on.
Live for my existence, live for my future, live for my happiness.
I can and should no longer live under the shelter of my parents' hardworks and start moving on with my own life.
Because this is my life, and this is how I need to live with it.
Not getting comfortable with life, to the point that I don't get sociable,
but being out there and reaching out to more people so that I can understand the true meaning of life.
25 November 2012 @ 04:12 am
A lot of things went through my head today, and I have decided to jot them down.
I need to remind myself constantly that I need to improve my life, and move on with life, from whatever that I've been hanging on to.
My status. My ego. My thoughts, especially. I need to move on from them in order to feel fresh and happy again.
Quitting school wasn't a direct route to happiness, I realised. I was just avoiding the source of my stress.
Now that I'm diagnosed, I've been unknowingly using it as a form of excuse to avoid contacts, gatherings and even work.
Life is full of ups and downs.
I need to start living my life again.
Start talking to people, making friends, going out, having fun, taking pain, getting through challenges that life pours to me, because this illness is not going to take me down. I'm going to handle it upfront.
I need to grow up.
I'm not a kid anymore.
I should not report every single damn thing to my mum all the time and expect disappointing responses.
I need to grow out of this house.
I need to have my own personality.
I need love.
A nurturing one.
No matter how big our dreams are,
health is still the most important thing to us.
I need to remind myself constantly that I need to improve my life, and move on with life, from whatever that I've been hanging on to.
My status. My ego. My thoughts, especially. I need to move on from them in order to feel fresh and happy again.
Quitting school wasn't a direct route to happiness, I realised. I was just avoiding the source of my stress.
Now that I'm diagnosed, I've been unknowingly using it as a form of excuse to avoid contacts, gatherings and even work.
Life is full of ups and downs.
I need to start living my life again.
Start talking to people, making friends, going out, having fun, taking pain, getting through challenges that life pours to me, because this illness is not going to take me down. I'm going to handle it upfront.
I need to grow up.
I'm not a kid anymore.
I should not report every single damn thing to my mum all the time and expect disappointing responses.
I need to grow out of this house.
I need to have my own personality.
I need love.
A nurturing one.
No matter how big our dreams are,
health is still the most important thing to us.
23 November 2012 @ 11:45 pm
This pretty much sums up my day.
Had an argument with mum.
Bad mood.
Started shifting things like
as though I'm moving house.
She went out to relieve stress
and came back.
We talked, and realised
that it was all a misunderstanding.
Damn.
I've been blogging offline using my own notepad in my iphone
but I'm too lazy to update.
Anyways,
I should be back blogging.
Since I missed the days when I typed
really fast and everyone gets impressed by it.
LOLOLOLOL
My fingers are on FIRE~
xD
07 November 2012 @ 01:18 am
A friend of mine said this to me when
I felt real down about how shitty my work is,
"You're not doing wrong,
you've just made a beautiful mistake!"
She got me stunned and
that really motivated me to make
more of these
"beautiful mistakes".
It is only through such attempts
that I can grow even more.
xxx
Another friend of mine reminded me,
that I'm good enough for my age.
That I'm wise enough,
considering how young I am.
That I'm talented,
despite being conservative
about myself.
"Do your best,
give it your all,
just like you always do.
But give it,
one step at a time."
She reminded me not to
work 200% hard,
but try to work 100% smart too.
xxx
My lecturer whom I've always respected,
gave me a small yet heartwarming advice.
Let go.
Only by telling yourself to let go
that you will move on from here
and stop giving yourself so much
unnecessary stress.
You must keep telling yourself,
"I need to let it go"
Stop feeling so competitive.
xxx
I'm learning something new everyday.
30 October 2012 @ 12:50 pm
Two weeks ago, I've been diagnosed with Clinical depressive disorder.
It is nothing new to me, but my chest pain is hindering
my studies and affecting my mood so much
that I have chose to withdraw from school.
Indeed it was a tough decision to make.
But it was the first time I've ever let go of things that
was close to my heart.
I chose to let go of friends in school,
I chose to let go of the degree life I wished for,
I chose to forsake graduating with a degree with my peers,
all for the sake of my mental health.
It was the very first step I needed to take
in order to recover from my depression.
Somatic disorder is not easy.
It's not understanding your body that makes it painful,
it's not knowing that you're stressed and that your
body turns on the red light that says you are.
It was a first big step to a new beginning.
I look forward to build a new lifestyle for myself.
A healthy one.
One, for sure, that I can make a comeback easily
because I'm sure a very hardworking and smart person
to begin with.
Two weeks of turmoil,
it's done for me.
I'm out of that burden,
and now a friend of mine is
seeking for my advice.
I understand what you're going through, girl.
Stay strong and firm, you'll be out of your mental prison in no time.
13 October 2012 @ 01:10 am
I'm really happy today.
I'm productive and happy.
I woke up well, did work.
Went to see doctor, doc said im probably down with depression. (figured)
Went to eat the yummy soon lee lor mee at aljunied with parents.
Went to school.
Shared ideas and nonsense with classmates.
Ate and chit chat with friends.
Bought brownies.
Got awesome notebooks.
Let friends try awesomely sour super lemon sweet.
Left school promptly to head to ikea.
Enjoyed IKEA's ambience.
Bought new pet plant, nice aromatic vase, laptop stand, table light and even an awesome chair.
Helped mum to register for membership card.
Talked to customer services guy, desmond... Well :)
Got home feeling awesome.
Fixed my first and only chair.
Okay, time to sleep.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
