• Recounting My Sins Towards Mr. Kitasono

    The following is an excerpt from one of my digital journal entries:

    I had a dream about Minami Kitasono this morning. He disappeared from the internet.

    The dream was set in some sort of Dwemer ruin. (…) I was originally playing through an action RPG game, similar to a soulslike. I keep failing the final encounters, the first one situated in an circular lift and the second one on the circular platform above with a view over the game world. The first one looked like Big Daddy from Bioshock, while the second I’ve forgotten. The sun shone bright. Tropical flora surrounds the arena. It all looked very tungsten—whites, yellow-ish greens.

    Then, I had a panic attack and stopped my game. Overwhelming dread came over me, telling me that I was the reason Minami Kitasono disappeared. It told me that he killed himself, and my actions were the nails in the coffin. Dedicated to searching for any trace of Minami Kitasono, I plugged my laptop charger into the wall only to be sent a shock that made the whole building go through a short blackout.

    Once I got my setup going, I looked around for any signs of him. His soundcloud only had reposts and likes. For some reason, I found that he had a YouTube channel uploading Let’s Play content of these futuristic, cyberpunk-esque first person shooters. The date showed that most of them were uploaded 20 years ago. Then, I woke up.


    I have been grappling with this ambiguous sensation of guilt ever since he e-mailed me to take down a photo supposedly of him that he does not own the rights to in Discogs. He later also stated that it was not an official photo, and that is the other reason it had to be taken down. I retrieved the picture from a Japanese interview hosted at Yahoo a long time ago. It pictured a person facing the interviewer to the right in a music room. A contrabass was leaning towards the wall at the back, and a guitar as well as keyboards were visible. The person, wearing a dark-colored sweater and short-medium length hair not fashioned in any style at all, held a magazine covering his face. The magazine had this older, Tommy Lee Jones-looking fellow on the front page, with sunglasses and a cigarette. He was looking towards the right, seemingly into the horizon. I had to infer the colors, as the picture was edited to be sepia.

    Now, back to my original sin. He was right, I did not have permission to use that picture. I also didn’t have permission to use his drawings and characters all over my social media accounts. Yet I did. What the hell was I thinking?

    Among these was the “Hart” character, originally purposed for Kentaro Osawa’s (his persona while in the band “Orangeade”, before he was let go due to ‘unprofessional conduct’, replaced by Shin Rizumu and forming the new group “conte”) work-in-progress 1st album, also titled “Hart”. It looked like a silhouette of a sea angel, with a smiling emoji-like face facing the viewer plastered below its ‘antennae’. It was laid upon a dark evergreen background, with the words “Hart” on top and “Kentaro Osawa” bound semi-circular to the Hart graphic. Others were the liquefied cats he often drew, often with sad faces. I used them for all of my Instagram story archive thumbnails. One common motif across all of his drawings were the faces: they all look like emoticons with a dot for a nose. Of course, I have let all of those in public go by now. There is still a folder in my old A30 phone containing various images I downloaded from his Twitter(s) and websites.

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    Picture this but with a smiley face. Photograph by Alexander Semenov, head of the divers’ team at Moscow State University’s White Sea biological station (Greenpeace)

    Then, there’s the music. I once uploaded Contrition in its entirety to YouTube, and to have it promptly taken down. I studied his music and posted covers on social media, with the ones accompanied by sheet music having them edited in. He never clarified what permissions he set over his sheet music. I only assumed I was allowed to play and share them with the world. To date, I still have copies of the original scores for Gelatin and Over Again. I also made the “Kentaro Osawa Radio” playlist, based off another experiment he had done where he would stream to TwitCasting as a radio DJ. In one of the sessions, he played a beautiful piano improvisation over “Never Let Me Go”, a song I’d argue as one his best (the recording on soundcloud had been taken down, but I still have it on my drives).

    The Wayback Machine did not archive most of his posts, but snapshots of the sites are available. From the early sites like kitasonominami.com, prrrrrghimgum.tumblr.com, organalog.jugem.jp, to the experimental one during his Kentaro Osawa era called mochigummy.work or mgw. The latter had a theme song, absurd .gifs, a question asking whether we are a panda or not (if you pressed “No”, you get to see the whole blog; if you pressed “Yes”, you are shown a picture of… I do not know), recommendations for Hindemith, Webern, and Francis Bacon, a classical painting of an angel by Abbott Handerson Thayer (file-named, “Cute_Girl_edited.png”), and a recurring short story titled “I Want To Eat Your Pancreas”. Before, it was an even more surreal website. He even called his own blog the DEATH BLOG. The short pieces for piano he wrote at 2021 are still available on his official website at minamikitasono.com. At the time of writing, his last blog is called blueblueblue.blue. The copyright footer to his main website shows that it was last updated for 2023. It hasn’t been updated since 2021, and may lose its domain. I still remember one of his blog posts where he wrote “Fuck You” in English right at the end. I always wondered if there was a minuscule chance that was directed at me.

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    Direct capture of Abbott Handerson Thayer’s 1887 painting of an angel (Smithsonian American Art Museum)

    The last updates on his blueblueblue.blue blog were bleak. It read like depressing, monotonous clockwork. Strangely, the contents were a little different between the English and Japanese versions of the blog. In the Japanese version, he would only write what he was working on at the time. This ranges from recording various instruments, mixing, etc. In the English version, it was all that plus affective evaluations of his being on the last line of each blog post. He would say that the activities can be draining. Recently, he’s only been updating on his original twitter account.

    Tracking him is not easy, as he is the type to change names, domains, and social media handles on a whim. There was a brief time where his name was Shouzou Yamada (山田晶造). I inquired him on that name, and he replied that Shouzou Yamada was dead. I used to have a sneaking suspicion that Marco Tomozou on YouTube is him, but I didn’t have any substantial evidence, just a reaching guess. Their replies in the comment sections suggest otherwise. Right now, I’m trying to find the domain for the blog he maintained as Kentaro Osawa (婦人倶楽部). It was linked in his Twitter during the time he was with Orangeade. My next move is to scour through Japanese media sites and social media accounts that have been known to interact with him, either directly or indirectly. I am dedicated to preserving the works of MINAMI KITASONO (北園みなみ).


    10:11 AM Update: I found the blog.

  • Monsters, Hunters, and Leitmotifs Pt. III: Sunbreak

    Like the rest of the MH community, my own ‘hunting party’ was divided over World and Rise. Or rather, they might have found grinding over again in another MH game just not worth the time investment, so they stick to World. It is a shame. In some ways, I view World and Rise sort of like Baldur’s Gate 3 and Divinity: Original Sin 2. The former is universally acclaimed, more detailed, has better presentation, and has ‘lived’ longer than the latter, but the latter has a certain charm to it that the other doesn’t. Build flexibility, in particular, is a strong part of that. Of course, the janky cartoony graphics did not help its appeal.

    Opinions on game design are not something I am confident in however, so I’ll stick to what I know best. Part of why I am writing this so much later after the Iceborne piece is because I have just reached the ‘plateau’ of anomaly grinding a few weeks ago. Time has past since then that allowed me to digest the music of the game, much of it the DLC, I have to admit. Let’s get this straight, I did not like base game Rise. You would know from how I did not write an expository piece on the base game’s music. Sunbreak, on the other hand, is competing hard with Iceborne as my favorite Monster Hunter experience so far.

    The major reason why I finally decided to write this is because I was pulling my hair out trying to understand the musical motifs in Sunbreak. I started doubting my ears. Was my listening just not sharp enough? Perhaps, Sunbreak’s music direction did not lean into the leitmotif heavy direction of World and Iceborne? After heavy listening, which will be proven by Spotify Wrapped stats at the end of the year, I found some, not a lot, but enough to give me something to talk about.

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    Transcription of the lead melody from Basking in Eternal Breeze (とこしえなる潮風を感じて) by Satoshi Hori (堀諭史)

    Theme A is strong but can be rigid due to comprising of dissonant intervals on a major IV chord. It is difficult to fit this melody in other contexts with how it is written, but if it fits, it fits. I would argue that this should have been the theme for Sunbreak, as significant as theme “1” in “Succession of Light” from Iceborne. The melody in its entirety only ever appears in the main theme of Sunbreak, “Beyond the Endless Blue (果てなく続く紺碧の先を眺めて)“, the village introductory theme, “Elgado Outpost (観測拠点エルガド)“, and the village theme, “Basking in Eternal Breeze (とこしえなる潮風を感じて)“, as in the transcription above. All three pieces were written by Satoshi Hori (堀諭史), and I’d say he had built a tricky and complex foundation for the other composers to leverage on. I guess you can make the case that this theme is the representation of Elgado itself and the knights there, since it does not occur anywhere else. Also, shout-out to Ryota Komatsu’s wonderful playing on the bandoneon tracks!

    Theme C is the most flexible out of the motifs in “Basking in Eternal Breeze”, and rightfully so that it found its way to the final boss’ phase 2 theme–Sunbreak’s version of the timeless “Proof of a Hero” (2:25), this time arranged by Mana Ogura (小倉真奈). It is also the cornerstone of both quest clear (0:08) and fail (0:23) themes, also arranged by Ogura. The do in the first bar is commonly interpreted as mi in the other tracks, so it must have been an error on my judgement. I’d like to emphasize that her integration of theme C in “Proof of a Hero” is an especially creative subversion of the original, and I love the descending progression towards the diminished sharp fourth. It teases a glimpse of how great the motifs can sound like in other contexts had the composers experimented more with them. Ogura also managed to sneak in a bit of theme A into the quest clear theme (0:25).

    The only other recurring motif I encountered was what I now nickname “The Qurio”. I first happened upon this when listening intently to the final boss’ aggressively Satanic theme full of the Devil’s intervals (0:51). Initially, I dismissed the rapid scaling ostinatos as just a background element of the gothic style since Fortress of Turmoil (攻防自在、乱戦必至の城塞) and Scarlet Feast (朱に染むる夜宴/メル・ゼナ) also had something similar. Later on, I realized the significance of the melody as it appears in three other story related tracks, “Moonlit Night Raider (月夜の襲撃者)” (1:44), “A Fearsome New Threat (猛然たる新たな脅威)“, and “From the Darkness (闇より来たる)” (1:54). “From the Darkness” is self-explanatory as it is the final boss’ cinematic introductory theme. I call this little motif “The Qurio” since it appears in events directly or indirectly caused by the final boss’ involvement in the story, and always within the presence of the Qurio itself. I noticed a detail that the ‘response’ to the ‘call’ of the motif only happens in the final boss’ theme, likely functioning as an accompaniment to the reveal of a previously faceless threat.

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    Note #1: Excerpt from “The Qurio” as identified in “Archdemon of the Abyss” by Satoshi Hori
    Note #2: I wasn’t sure if it was written in 3/4 or 6/4, but given the devil theming of the final boss, I felt like I had to write it as 6/4

    It was at this moment that I also realized that Sunbreak’s music does not rely on melodic motifs alone in connecting the story. Instead, the composers repurpose rhythmic motifs from the overall theming of the soundtrack. As such, the thread that binds the soundtrack together is a stylistic one, not a leitmotif-y one. That is, obviously, a common practice though, and you’d struggle finding any collection of music that is not in some way at least stylistically related to one another.

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    Two interpretations of the recurring rhythm in Sunbreak

    “Moonlit Night Raider”, “A Fearsome New Threat”, “Fortress of Turmoil”, “Abhorrent Wind”, “From the Darkness”, “Archdemon of the Abyss” all possess the rhythmic leitmotif above, to name a few. To help picture the relevance of this leitmotif, we can listen to “Clouded Skies, Approaching Twilight (覆われる空、迫りくる宵闇)” and “Basking in Eternal Breeze” back-to-back. This rhythm is very similar to the West Side Story “America” rhythm, and is common in folk music originating from Spain to Latin America. Also of interest, the lead melody of “Clouded Skies, Approaching Twilight” itself seems to be a reference to theme A, just a really shy one at that.

    When I started actively analyzing the music of Sunbreak, I was not expecting the most common denominator to be the rhythm. In the end, I do not even know what rhythm this is called. Throughout my limited research, several terms have come up, such as habanera, flamenco guajira, tresillo, hemiola, etc. I do not think any definitions suffice either. In any case, whatever it is called, I’m stealing it.

  • Monsters, Hunters, and Leitmotifs Pt. II: Iceborne

    Iceborne is a massive addition to the base game, an industry tradition that harkens back to the CD era of PC game expansions, before microtransactions were a thing. In general, I find everything about it worth for the money except for the reliance on the clutch claw. In that way, I sort of see myself in the character The Huntsman and his preference to hunt in the ways he knows best, without the gadgets of the Fifth Fleet. If only paintballs made a return.

    I remember reading a YouTube comment claiming that the developers intended Iceborne to sound more like a fairytale in an attempt to explain the abundance of strings over brass in the orchestration. Even if that wasn’t true, I figured that hints of a ‘fairytale’ direction extend over to the musical elements within as well. Comparing the main themes and especially the arrangements of World and Iceborne clearly demonstrates the different moods of the two stories. World is warm, bombastic, confident, and full of wonder. Iceborne is cold (ha), contemplative, restrained, with an air of uncertainty.

    Note #1: Iceborne’s soundtrack showcases Yuko Komiyama’s great piano work, and Succession of Light sounds exactly like a fairytale set in the winter.
    Note #2: also watch this admirable rendition by Ensemble G.A.P. Tokyo

    The most definite musical connection with World appears in the main theme “Succession of Light” (継がれる光), by Yuko Komiyama (小見山 優子). Similar to “Stars At Our Backs”, there are also 3 actors in this piece, but I have no idea what to identify them as. The Hunter even showed up for a bit in the middle crescendo part, around the 2:13 minute mark. For now, I’ll call these three actors: 1, 2, and 3.

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    “1” is the equivalent to The Hunter in “Stars At Our Backs”, being the most immediately recognizable due to its regular appearance throughout the soundtrack and sharing the same duty as the final story boss’ quest complete theme. Interestingly, the first three notes are the same intervals as the first few notes in The Sapphire Star. It differs in context: In a matched meter and key, The Sapphire Star’s shared notes begin at the second beat and continue the melody onwards. In Succession of Light, these notes are repeated until moving into a different melody and progression, shifting into another atmosphere entirely.

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    “2” is a curious melody from the main theme because only a fleeting approximation of the second half occurs outside the piece, and only in themes relating to homes. In “Theme of Seliana” (前線拠点 セリエナのテーマ) (1:39 for the day version and 3:48 for the night version), the somewhat familiar melody is in major, while in “The Comforts of Home” (くつろぎの旅籠) (0:26), the exact melody retains the minor sound of the original. I, myself, love Seliana’s theme, as it reminds me of Pokke back in MHFU. I suspect they deliberately chose similar sounding instruments to produce the ironic warmth of a winter village for both “Theme of Seliana” and “The Comforts of Home”. I especially love the intro to Seliana’s day theme, and attempted to replicate the sound but failed to achieve that bell like piano hit when the string bass comes in. Perhaps it had something to do with reverb.

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    “3” fills The Sapphire Star’s role in “Stars At Our Backs” as the sign of a major story boss, including Velkhana (1:44) and both of Shara Ishvalda’s phases (1:32 for the first, 1:16 for the second). Shara Ishvalda, in particular, has the hardest hitting boss theme for me, as someone with immense appreciation for Balinese gamelan. Not to mention the song’s beautiful title, “A Single Bloom in Eternity” (一幻華), despite the subject’s terrifying fourth wall breaking eyes and one-shot nukes, a.k.a the Imperial Lotus Kalpa Cannon. It’s also worth to mention that both Velkhana and Shara Ishvalda’s themes contain bits of 1 as well.

    I had to include this to encourage readers to listen to the intro.

    Iceborne ending’s theme “Tales Spun through Song” (紡ぎの唄), still by Komiyama and sung by Diva, does not boast the kind of bravado World’s ending theme has. Instead, it has the absolute prettiest intro out of any song in the series I have heard so far, and I blame it on the classic IV-iii-ii-I progression with the Ghibli-lite piano motif. It is also a lot simpler than World’s theme, incorporating only 1; 1 out of 3 actors. The B section also shows up in the cutscene after you beat Shara Ishvalda where Ruiner Nergigante pops up stealing your hard-earned glory, in the song “The Bird at Daybreak” (夜明けの鳥).

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    The lydian motif highlighted is always present in both World and Iceborne. If we interpret music in Monster Hunter as narrative devices, we should take a look back at what the Sapphire Star motif in World represents. It is highly probable that when you hear those first few notes, it is your first time booting up MHW since it is also the intro to the Main Menu theme and the character creation theme. It is mostly associated with the New World itself and Xeno’Jiiva.

    I’ll refer again to Tomkon’s video of MHW and MHWI’s narrative themes. If Xeno’Jiiva is quite literally the Sapphire Star the Research Commission has been looking up to for guidance, and its position is replaced by the Hunter at the end of the base game’s story, what becomes of that star? It is questionable for a human being to be deified and idolized to that level, especially if they’re seen as a supreme arbiter of natural balance. The repeated and skewed motifs of the Sapphire Star in Iceborne tries to break that belief, exemplified in Shara Ishvalda’s almost alien theme and design that seem to scream “You know nothing about the way this world works.”

    Much like Tomkon has concluded in his video, humans in nature are not supposed to be the judge, jury, and executioner of the ecosystem. He also mentioned a wonderful but poignant idea that whether or not we can actually help preserve natural balance or not, we should still make an effort at it like our Hunter and the rest of the MHW crew did. This revelation does paint the cutscene where Ruiner Nergigante shows up after Shara Ishvalda’s defeat in a more enlightening way. Who knows, maybe if we hadn’t meddled, Ruiner couldn’t finish his job.

    Part 1

  • Monsters, Hunters, and Leitmotifs Pt. I: World

    I am a 2nd generation hunter; took my first steps into the world of MH in Pokke Village back on the PSP with Freedom Unite. Pokke Village itself has, hands down, the best village BGM out of the whole series. However, since that masterpiece has already attracted much adoration, I figured better to appreciate the lesser-talked about details of the music within the series.

    The main themes of the Monster Hunter series have a lot of elements in common. One of the main ingredients is the consistent use of a ‘heroic’ harmonic progression, usually an ascending movement from vi to I or, commonly used in the climaxes, IV to a VI. Another sound the composers like to use is the bVII to a vi. The main theme of each entry creates a loose set of guidelines for the rest of the soundtrack to follow. The first explicit, clear-cut example that comes to mind is Alatreon’s theme in the third generation of MH games.

    1:46-2:01 for the main theme insert

    I said to a fellow hunter that the monster themes in MH serve as the most direct in-your-face character devices, unlike the boss music of From Software games which leans more on the subtle, more obtuse style of storytelling. Master of all elements, herald of destruction, and glittering black dragon Alatreon fittingly has the most chaotic theme out of any other monster in the whole series. Beginning with a Gothic pipe organ dominated prelude to a rapid tension-building bass ostinato in a different tempo, followed by the introduction of a very chaotic instrument: the electric guitar. All this to arrive at a sweetly familiar melody. Thus, we move on to present day Monster Hunter.

    Monster Hunter World and Iceborne’s music direction for their returning monsters seems to be that of “tug the veterans’ heartstrings”. Jinouga (as it was known back in the fan translation era) or Zinogre’s theme contain a nod to MHP3’s main theme, Kushala Daora’s to MH2’s, and so on and so on. Curiously, Nargacuga’s theme instead has Pokke Village in it instead of the game’s main theme. This can be seen as a heartfelt nod to nostalgic old hunters, but also the evolution of their music direction, emphasizing more on familiar motifs; something that is very apparent on the full soundtrack of MHW and Iceborne.

    The Sapphire Star, The Hunter, and The Research Commission

    If you listen to the soundtrack of both MHW and MHWI, you probably couldn’t get more than 10 minutes of listening without there being another occurrence of a melody or variation of it from “Stars At Our Backs” (星に駆られて), by Tadayoshi Makino (牧野 忠義). The piece has so much melodic content the composers can take and extrapolate from. You can assume three main actors in the story here: the Sapphire Star, the Hunter, and the Research Commission. Pretty easy to guess which one’s which. There are also unique fillers within that separate these three actors whose melodies never show up outside the piece itself.

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    “The Sapphire Star” shows up in major story bosses of the base game and the ending theme of the game, “Song of Guidance” (導きの唄), sung by the great Diva. A rumbling, rough variation is heard in Zorah Magdaros’ theme, while a grander, march-like variation is heard in both phases of Xeno’Jiiva’s theme, with bits of “the Hunter” too. The lydian sound of the theme helps mystify the New World, while the violin melody shares a similar movement with the opening notes of “The Hunter”.

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    “The Hunter” is the melody I’m sure most players have an attachment to at this point. This one is exceptionally melodious compared to the two other themes, and the one that is usually coupled with the ‘heroic’ harmonic movement I’ve mentioned before. If you’ve tried the Private Suite by talking to your Housekeeper in Astera, you will encounter a dramatic harp arrangement of this. Interesting to note is that since it occurs in the last phase of Xeno’Jiiva’s theme and the ending theme, it supports the narrative conclusion of the Research Commission seeing “the Hunter” as their “Sapphire Star”. I personally understand this theme as one of action, as that is what you, the player, will be doing in the game most of the time.

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    “The Research Commission” is, instead, the melody I’m sure most players are quite sick of, especially if they spend most of their playtime theory-crafting builds in Astera without turning off the music. I believe this rather militaristic, rhythmical theme is to represent humans as newcomers to the New World. Hell, you can even see it as the sound of colonialism or greed since it also shows up in Kulve Taroth’s theme, a dragon associated with gold and wealth. However, the game spins it so that humans are also part of nature and must make an effort to preserve its balance, something that is further explored in Iceborne.

    “Stars At Our Backs” is able to summarize the base game with how these three actors intertwine. While the official translation for the title suppose that the Sapphire Star is akin to an idea held by the Research Commission members that fuels their goals and spurs them on through hurdles, another translation of 星に駆られて (Driven by the Stars) means that the Sapphire Star is more of a source of guidance to be sought after. In the end, “the Hunter” bridges the connection between the Hunter’s Guild as represented by “the Research Commission” and the New World as represented by the “Sapphire Star”. Iceborne argues that this relationship is not that simple. Partly inspired by Tomkon’s analysis on MHW and MHWI’s narrative themes, I began to also see the connections between the two’s music.

    Continued in Part II.

  • Screenshot Stories #1: Victor Saltzpyre in Vigilant

    It goes without saying that I am a huge nerd (and procrastinator, seeing as there are now 3 posts on this blog with #1 in their titles). I digress, returning to Skyrim modding after years feels like a pilgrimage to a ‘self’ that has been lost within the chaos (heresy!) of the world. Equipped with FreeFlyCam.dll and other advancements in technology, I finally got into amateur photography in Tamriel. I uploaded most of these in Steam, but the advantage here is I get to tell a little story with every image.

    The screenshots here will be adhering to my latest ‘complete’ playthrough of Vigilant as Victor Saltzpyre from the Warhammer Fantasy universe.

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    Mercy for the Paladin

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    Ascending to the final dream

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    Am I alone? It would seem so.

    Victor lets loose and sits peacefully in front of Lamae Beolfag’s grave, his final act of compassion to oppose Molag Bal’s unending hate. Upon the warm grass lays his trusty rapier, the blade that delivered Sigmar’s judgement unto the Bard’s frail dream. Next to it, an ornate ivory horn: symbol of Stendarr’s justice, but also, memoir to a faithful companion that had lost his life in the accursed mansion.

    All the while, this song played in the background. At first it was off-putting, until I realized that that was such a Japanese game developer thing to do. Supposedly, the song is based off a translation of an Irish poem, titled “I Am Stretched On Your Grave”. The lyrics fit the story of the true ending perfectly, clearly a well thought-out choice by Vicn.

    There are still tons of screenshots so this is going to be updated in the future as a long post accompanied by a short review of the Vigilant mod itself.

  • 3:00 PM, H Building, Room 215

    Voluntary isolation. That’s what I have decided to call my somewhat unorthodox learning strategies in college. Writing in this cold, lonely, silent classroom with Steely Dan’s “Night By Night” blasting through 6$ earphones. Waiting for the maiden voyage of “Psycholinguistics”, a course I figured would be fun as it sounds like the deranged cousin of language studies.

    In about 30 minutes from now, doe-eyed students will appear before the door, asking me,

    “Eh, ini bener ruang Psikolinguistik ya?”

    To which I will reply, “Harusnya.”

    They will then proceed to ask about WA groups. We will then get to the basics: names, faculties of origin, reasoning for taking a class this late in the evening, etc.

    “I don’t really care if it’s wrong or if it’s right,” says Donald Fagen. Let’s see where this goes.

  • Works on History of Psychology, Pt. 1

    Works on History of Psychology, Pt. 1

    It has been quite a while since I’ve last written here. Anyways, I’m finally a functional member of society again and can begin to act like one. For starters, as I am currently majoring in Psychology now, I get to have proper Philosophy classes for the first time in my life.

    Needless to say, I was incredibly inspired, and for my first assignment I went a little too ham and introduced too many technical ideas. I digress, it was a much needed release from the depths of Engineering hell.

    So! As of now, I’ll probably be posting my class work here as to document my journey through understanding the history of philosophy and psychology by extension.


    Greek Philosophy: Socrates, Inductive Definition, and AI Art

    It is quite humorous to imagine a balding, older person with a beer belly frolicking around in the ancient fields of Athens, every often bombarding the youth busy in their menial tasks with hard-hitting questions such as, “Who are you, really?”

    “Uh-my name is Plato,” said the young Athenian, clearly startled by the bumbling man.
    “No, that’s your name. Who, what, and why, is Plato?”
    And young Plato’s mind was blown.

    At least, that’s how I pictured what happened back then. Some truth is evident in the fictional exchange I wrote above. The pursuit, of essence. In contrast with the superficial, what Socrates sought was the nitty-gritty of things, delving into commonalities between ideas to figure out what some thing truly is (or to use the academic term, inductive definition). The relationship of the superficial vs. the essence is what I’d consider truly relevant in this fast digitized society we live in. After all, everyone asks, “Where is Waldo?” but nobody asks, “How is Waldo?”

    To explain, let’s take a look at Dall-E, or really any machine-learning AI program designed to synthesize an idea. Quite simply, what it does is exactly what inductive definition is. Put the program through rigorous training exercises consisting of looking at a million of pictures tagged with their descriptive keywords. Below are 2 images that show the weakness of not having enough information to define a thing. On the right, we have the prompt ‘jakarta’ generating a picturesque panorama of Bundaran HI and what presumably is Monas, painted in an almost fish-eye perspective that brings to mind the architectural works of Egon Schiele. On the left, I combined ‘jakarta’ with an old horror game ‘silent hill’ and what we got instead is a dark hallway leading up to a pair of doors illuminated by moonlight shining from a staircase. There’s also the ominous bloody silhouette of a black-haired woman on the bottom-left corner.

    What is to be learned from this? We can see that ‘jakarta’, being the mononymous term it is and popularly queried as a city in search engines and the World Wide Web, could generate a believable, albeit artistic depiction of a city with the likeness to Jakarta, the city itself. However, combined with a relatively niche term ‘silent hill’, it lost what ‘jakarta’ is generally known to look like. There’s a glaring hole in this analysis though, as ‘silent hill’ is a prompt with a unicode ‘space’ character in it, which in programming usually lead to unintended consequences. One could also argue that the dark hallway looks like the interior of some old market buildings in Central Jakarta. The fact remains that, without enough necessary information, an AI program (as of now), could not generate a believable enough recreation of the original thing.

    Compare the above example with the one below of Bill Evans, a famous jazz pianist. Note the white man, hunched back, glasses, slicked back hair, and formal attire, captured in black-and-white photography common for the time. These would become the essence of ‘bill evans’ according to Dall-E.

    For clarification, Bill Evans have never been seen holding a guitar in his documented life. Due to both prompts, ‘bill evans’ and ‘playing guitar’, describing a general and widely understood thing, Dall-E Mini could generate an accurate idea of ‘bill evans playing guitar’. It is much evident here that more popular prompts lead to better results. Thus, Dall-E Mini, equipped with knowledge of the patterns that every ‘bill evans’ and ‘playing guitar’ on the World Wide Web show, could define the essence of Bill Evans playing a guitar in a picture.

    The idea of AI artists are something I’m deeply interested in, exceptionally so due to fear, and I will probably be returning to this topic in the following weeks if I can find something to connect it with the taught lessons.


    Roman Philosophy and the Dark Ages: Occam’s Razor in Jazz Harmony and Galileo’s Objective and Subjective Reality

    A common principle in scholastic writing is what came to be known as Occam’s razor. “We are to admit no more causes of natural things than such as are both true and sufficient to explain their appearances,” wrote Isaac Newton. With God, the simplest is always the best, so too mathematics and sciences. So too, with jazz.

    Music exists within the realm of physics, with measurable dimensions of space and time. These are primary qualities, those that constitute an objective reality. The sound emitted from a café’s sound system playing the same droll cookie-cutter jazz playlist is the same, whoever you are and wherever you are in that café. The ‘droll cookie-cutter jazz’ part is, in contrast, the secondary quality, which constitutes subjective reality. This is subject to my own experience of the sound emanating from the speakers, and my perception of the music itself.

    Tastes, odours, and colours are not exclusive to material objects. Synesthesia proves that certain individuals could perceive shapes and colours from the sound they hear. In music theory, we study intervals between notes and attach emotions to them. I will be discussing basic jazz harmony through the lens of Galileo’s objective and subjective reality.

    Jazz harmony is derived from modern Western harmony, based on triads (a combination of 3 notes with specific intervals) with an added ‘blue note’ or extension note. Triads are built from intervals, with emotions agreed upon by consensus by the modern music institutions. For example, the major third interval, spaced 4 semitones from its root note, of a C (the root note), is an E. The perfect fifth interval, spaced 7 semitones, is a G. These 3 notes create the C major chord, a sound known to be affirming and safe. The major third is ‘happy’, the minor third is ‘sad’, and the perfect fifth is ‘firm’.

    The technicalities of those intervals are the primary qualities of harmony. The affirming and safe feeling from a C major is the secondary quality. Back to jazz harmony, a ‘blue note’ is a note that doesn’t necessarily fill the criteria for a proper interval according to the rules. A ‘blue note’ could be anything, but to put into context, I’ll add a major third interval above the perfect fifth of a C major chord. 4 semitones above G is a B. B and C are dissonant since they are only a semitone apart. However, due to the position of B being above the C in the chord, we instead create an illusion of an E minor chord (E being the root, G being the minor third, and B and the perfect fifth), within the C major chord.

    We achieve happiness and sadness at the same time (subjective truth), through the power of jazz harmony (objective truth).

    Now, Occam’s razor state to prefer the simplest explanations over the more complicated ones. We will be returning to Bill Evans for this one. Bill Evans is known to voice his chords in a way that ‘shaves’ the unnecessary notes from a chord. In jazz, the perfect fifth is expendable due to it sounding the same whether a chord is major or minor. A root note and a perfect fifth is ambiguous enough to avoid major or minor qualities (also known as a power chord in rock music).

    In a recording of “My Foolish Heart” from 1961, Evans begins the performance by playing the first A major chord in the beginning with only a G# (blue note), B (blue note), and C# (the major third), instead of an A, C#, and E. Scott LaFaro plays the root A on contrabass, providing a strong foundation for Evans’ piano. Using exclusively blue notes in the major chord, Evans effectively shaved the implication of an A major chord down to its most important colour, the major third interval. In this short amount of time, the trio was able to create a fleeting moment of ‘home’, but the home is not truly clear due to the blue notes.

    To put simply, the exclusion of the perfect fifth is an example of Occam’s razor in jazz harmony. However, jazz harmony expands on the effect, by instead ‘murkying the waters’, denying a clear indication whether if it is truly an A major chord or not. In conclusion, Occam’s razor in music does not prevent more interpretations and questions, but rather encourages more of them. This is the opposite effect of that in the sciences and of what we have learned in class.


    In retrospect, I feel bad for my instructor.

  • Peace Day Never Came

    Peace Day Never Came

    Love Deterrence” was the soundtrack to MSF’s short-lived peace. Memoir to a beautiful dream that they knew would not last forever.

    Image
    Paz, Chico, and Nuke – Art by Yoji Shinkawa

    Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker was the first and last Metal Gear Solid game I played and really got into. I can remember the child version of myself just listening to the many Briefing Files on a trip or during events in elementary school with a pair of headphones on my PSP. I guess I was captivated by the voice acting and the charming portraits, looking for little bits of comedy here and there without much understanding the context of the dialogue and the difficult terms thrown around.

    Recent news on the Russo-Ukrainian crisis got me reading for a whole day on recent international politics that reminded me that I shouldn’t delve further since politics aren’t my forte. Instead, it clicked in my head that the possible event of a World War III (unlikely I hope) showed much parallels to the MGS universe. I’m not discounting the much real threat of a war and comparing it with that of a fictional work’s, but it was interesting nonetheless.

    So I went on another day-long knowledge dive, this time into MGS lore. Amidst all the confusion-twists and turns that Kojima seemed to write in a stream of consciousness manner, a small subplot caught my eye: Venom Snake and the Paz hallucinations. I didn’t play MGS: Ground Zeroes and The Phantom Pain, so I was a little surprised that Paz, after being thrown from a Metal Gear into the ocean, survived the events of Peace Walker.

    Before moving on into “Love Deterrence”, let’s first paint a picture of “Paz”, the character herself, from the Peace Walker period.

    Peace Walker Briefing Files – Paz’s Diary

    These specific set of files provide a surprisingly grounded perspective into life at MSF’s Mother Base, despite her nefarious involvement in the scenario. Nuke the Cat, the Gallo Pinto, the futbol, the fishing, the parties, and the naked brawls. Life on Mother Base might not seem so dreary after all, despite it being a military fortress somewhere on the ocean. However more-so than that, it showed how Paz grew and started to acknowledge the concept and value of peace, and how it was getting increasingly difficult for her to enact the initial plan that would result in either her or Big Boss’ death.

    Image
    “I will sing you a lullaby,” – Art by Nazgullow

    The point of interest here lies at the 25:07 mark (9th Entry), on preparing MSF’s celebration of Peace Day where everyone would lay down their weapons and relax. Kaz had come to Paz with the proposition of playing as a band for Peace Day, singing his song “Love Deterrence.” Paz gave in to his idea, not being able to restrain herself from enjoying more of her time at MSF. Paz was still on Cipher’s fingertips, but she couldn’t lie to herself anymore that she wanted Peace Day to come, and would even go as far to sabotage the plan, clinging for just a little more time.

    Image
    Sing by Nazgullow

    I could go on and on about her story being one of the most tragic in the series, but I’ll save time writing and instead point to her Metal Gear Wiki page for reference.

    Rather, this right here, will be the spark to my flame.

    It’s like an anime.

    Now as to why this piece of (relatively) lost media is both intriguing and disturbing to me is by contextualizing it with what actually happened to Paz and MSF, lore-wise.

    The seemingly innocent girl singing and dancing about her hidden feelings with some faceless soldiers wrestling about, all the while Big Boss and Kaz are just standing there watching, calmly. This is the same girl that would pass out adrift on the ocean until she was saved by a local, just to eventually be caught again, subjected to further torture, interrogation, and nastier things I shouldn’t need to elaborate. The same girl that would get 2 bombs implanted inside her, leaving no room for her organs to breathe, and sacrificed herself for Big Boss and MSF. As for the soldiers, they either went KIA on the Ground Zeroes incident, or wandered the deserts aimlessly until Venom Snake found them.

    I realize that the character song feature isn’t canon. The song itself is though, and is supposed to be written by Kaz on the guitar, with helping melody from Gálvez/Zadornov’s theremin, and lyrics by Paz herself. In reality, the song was written by Akihiro Honda and sung by Nana Mizuki (Paz’ Japanese VA). The title is “Love Deterrence”, or “KOI NO YOKUSHI-RYOKU” in Japanese. Despite the song’s only background explanation being through unlockable Briefing Files, it is still an important plot element of Peace Walker’s ending arc. This importance is kept and implemented into a hidden mechanic in The Phantom Pain.

    I have been listening to this on repeat for the past 6 hours while writing this.

    I personally don’t like the song’s style in its ‘character song’ form, but I do appreciate good lyrics. By itself, it is a standard J-Pop song in the sense that it is a cheesy sad love song (notice how it never resolves into a major I chord) that appeals to youth romanticism. Put it alongside Paz and her story, however, and it becomes so much more.

    I don’t like the me who locked up those quiet feelings
    And confined herself in a shell
    Each time that I halfheartedly hold myself back
    The pain merely grows

    What do you wish for?
    I want to be close to you
    Forever, forever that’s all I want and yet…

    (…)

    I love you; I hope those thoughts reach you
    I’m sure one day it’ll come true
    Such feelings are too painful

    Please stop…
    Love deterrence

    Translated Words by ‘Metal Gear Solid Peace Walker’ Sound Team

    All this plays while you fight Paz in Metal Gear ZEKE during the final confrontation in Peace Walker. Afterwards, Kaz reveals that he knew Paz was an agent all along. Even so, he rolled with it. With that, “Love Deterrence”, became more than just a clever play on ‘nuclear deterrence’. It was more than just Paz’ heartfelt feelings that she desperately wanted to shout to the world.

    It was the soundtrack to MSF’s short-lived peace. Memoir to a beautiful dream that they knew would not last forever. With them, Paz came to know happiness, friendship, camaraderie, loyalty, unlike her upbringing under Cipher. She came to know herself.

    Peace Day did come, but there was no “Love Deterrence” and there was no Paz.

    Image
    Do you get it now? You do, don’t you?

    There are more layers to Venom Snake’s connection with Paz. While his memories were those of Big Boss’, the one that ultimately defeated her despite the circumstances, he still was the medic that failed to extract the second bomb from Paz. His trauma, two-fold. There was, however, a sliver of comfort that there remain hints of the old Mother Base scattered all over The Phantom Pain.

    You don’t get to hear Paz’ vocals in this version, but that’s probably for the best. I like to imagine that the guitar versions are Kaz’ own playing after the whole ordeal in Peace Walker, seeing as in Ground Zeroes he remained sympathetic to Paz, stating curiosity to what she genuinely thought of MSF then.

    Image
    Memento photo from The Phantom Pain

    In the end, I guess there’s only one thing left to say.

    Say peace!

  • Catalyst for Inspiration

    Catalyst for Inspiration

    I used to be a Chemical Engineering major (at the time of writing, I still am, technically). A decision made on the basis of ‘work opportunities’ and money. I remembered a conversation I had from 2020 with a friend from the university’s student orchestra of which I was a part of. We were both troubled in our academic life, and may have felt we weren’t being too honest with ourselves on choosing a field to major in. We concluded that nothing good will ever come out from ill intent, even if the process was ‘good’. As obvious as that was, I chose my major on the premise of greed. As a result, I arrived at a very bad place.

    If I had only followed what I truly wanted, maybe my last 2 years wouldn’t have been so disastrous. It is useless to dwell though. Instead, ever since going on a personal ‘hiatus’ from college, I have been conducting my own journey of sorts. I looked everywhere to spark motivation, returning to a place I am the most comfortable with. Art, music, movies, YouTube videos, memes, and most importantly: Games.

    My love for music didn’t come from listening to the radio. It didn’t come from mixtapes, or records played by family members in the house growing up. It came from video games. I was lucky enough to be exposed to games with amazing soundtracks from such an early age. Titles such as Ace Combat, Monster Hunter, Persona, and Gran Turismo. Gran Turismo being the winner as most influential to my musical upbringing. I would rip the songs of these games off YouTube videos or a video game music archive like khinsider. I would dive deep into VGMDB looking for the names of composers and check out their other work.

    Gran Turismo introduced me to Nikolai Kapustin, the Russian composer that I will never not mention in classical music circles just because I enjoy his works that much. Monster Hunter introduced me to how strong the influence music had on a both interactive and visual experience. Ace Combat introduced me to nanosounds, a prolific group of producers with members such as Hiroshi Okubo and Keiki Kobayashi. Persona introduced me to Shoji Meguro and doujin music. While scouring the web for doujin music releases, I stumbled upon Lamp’s “ゆめ” in 2014. This would begin my deep spiral into Japanese independent music, and the rest of the world in extension.

    Image
    The BamJo Collection as of March 8, 2021

    It didn’t take long until I discovered Minami Kitasono, the brilliant mind behind my favorite works to this day. It was his works that spurred myself to finally try doing music. The first few years learning production, I relied a lot on improvisation and thick chords without understanding much about progression and harmony. I lent myself to GT’s ‘lounge music’ atmosphere and tried my best to emulate that feeling.

    hanging up”, a breakbeat-ish + GT feel

    I didn’t really care what I posted on SoundCloud. I just knew I had to post my attempts somewhere. Questionable musical decisions scattered everywhere. Even now, I still cringe at a lot of ideas and their executions.

    “So I just took all that stuff I’d made, stuff that I personally thought was so worthless it made me sick, and put it on SoundCloud.”

    Minami Kitasono, “promenade” interview

    I’m confident every songwriter felt that way at one point in their lives. Even successful ones. The Minami Kitasono interview I quoted above had so many interesting points that I bookmarked it and have always remembered to read it every once in a while. It was nice to see that someone shared a lot of my own opinions, and for it to come from someone I idolized (which I’m pretty sure, he’s less than psyched for) is even more gratifying.

    Eventually though, I slowly lost the drive. It was around the time I got into my 2nd year in college. Things just went downhill from there. I may have had several turning points, such as being granted the position of Music Director for a musical, but that was it. Before that, I had a deal with a then-new Japanese indie label that hosted some amazing artists. I said that I would deliver in 2020, but I just never could be satisfied with my work. My amateur ass just decided to ghost the gratuitous owner that offered me a rare opportunity. The album I promised never saw the light of day, and will be the topic of another time.

    the aforementioned dead album full of incomplete tracks and ideas, art by an important friend from my high school days

    I did get back on my feet, in terms of motivation. I could’ve never guessed where the reality check would come from. And that place, is the consumer paradise of carefully curated words and masterfully crafted personalities: K-Pop.

    “… This is just an idea I have, but I want to try something dark and immersive musically, too, so I think I’ll continue writing songs once we’re done promoting—exactly the way I want it.”

    Lee Na-gyung, Weverse Magazine interview

    While fromis_9 and Minami Kitasono are the farthest thing apart from each other conceptually, a part of me saw… Something in that interview. I couldn’t put it into words. It may be that I read too much into it, but it compelled me to finally do things again (like starting this blog).

  • How I Nearly Passed Out on a Bus Stop (and Learned to Appreciate Horror) Pt. 1

    Before the incident, I never would’ve paid attention to any kind of horror. My only exposure was the indie horror game Let’s Play craze from 2012, and even then I only looked for laughs. Come 2020, and on one fateful morning (around 05:00 AM), I caught a rare glimpse of fearing for one’s own life.

    I was working on a piece that required recording of live instruments. I had a few select people to assist, free-of-charge (thanks), and we agreed to record in a university building. Since I really didn’t want to mess with their weekend plans I suggested to begin recording as early in the morning as I could. This was my 1st mistake.

    I live far away from the campus grounds, unlike the musicians. I had to wake up at around 4 in the morning to pack up the ‘mobile studio’ set-up thing I had going on, fill my stomach, and get moving. I have always relied on public transport, this time no different.

    Thing was, a friend had stayed the night before. We didn’t sleep and I did what I now consider as the worst thing I could’ve done to my condition. I drank coffee. I didn’t eat. I departed without knowing what was to come.

    We went to the MRT station by online taxi service, and gone separate ways from there. At that point, I still felt as healthy as I usually am. I moved over to the nearest stop on the D21 route. Around me were the usual early morning busybodies, most brought packages or boxes of some kind. Probably wet market stuff.

    After minutes in waiting, I started to think that I was getting sleepy. I shrugged it off as the consequence of having an all-nighter. But then, lights started blooming and flickering. I blinked a lot to check if I was fine. I still believed I could pull through and get on the bus for the university. Then I realized my vision’s not the body of the problem.

    Maybe it was the sensory overload of having so many headlights striking your face on a busy street. Maybe it was the lack of clean air and supply of oxygen compared to carbon monoxides. But I was getting dizzy. Real dizzy. The blooming light had turned into a messy blur of moving flashes. I didn’t even notice that I was already having a hard time breathing since the car ride.

    For context, it was January 2020, and COVID-19 hadn’t hit my city yet (to my knowledge). My brain then started making wild assumptions such as: What if I was patient zero and I was infected in this very spot? What if I was to suddenly fall flat and die on that stop waiting for a bus that seems to take its damn sweet time to arrive?

    Breathing become more of a task than an autonomous process. The panic in my head wasn’t helping. The smell of engine smokes, exhaust pipes, tires and tarmac wasn’t helping. A strong force would halt my efforts of getting up and moving my limbs. It really felt like some thing is draining what little energy I had left, and it is not letting me go that easily.

    I couldn’t take it anymore. As I was gasping in search for precious air, I reached out to the people around me. I didn’t care who, I just needed help. Mind you, I have a huge aversion towards other people in general, and the type to avoid social interaction whenever I can. However, force majeure.

    I tried to call out, “Help,” as hard as I could, but it just comes out weak. Thankfully, an older woman noticed and she brought attention to the pathetic, frail guy sitting there. I didn’t quite remember what happened, but I think I was carried by two men and the woman brought my bag. When I finally came to my senses I was already in a nearby health center, and to my surprise, nothing bad happened to my portable studio.

    The doctor gave me a dosage of antacids and told me to rest. I learned that it was a combination of coffee, no food, and no rest that brought me to my knees. I laid down on a bed for a while, trying not to think of anything. After a short nap, I thanked the doctor and nurse, and went on my way.

    A few months later I went to a hospital and got diagnosed with a common condition known as Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease, or GERD for short. This condition, from then on, will become a recurring antagonist in my life. Couple that with DDD which I have had since long before, and I have 2 different villains just waiting for a chance to fuck me over when they want to.

    On top of that, I used to love coffee. I’ll write on my endeavors in coffee-making some other time. Next part will be coming soon, and focus on my newfound love for horror.

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