Trying New Things in 2016

Just over 2 years ago, I had a bit of a breakdown.  I had been experiencing untreated post partum depression for almost 2 years, we were living in a new place and I wasn’t making friends very easily, I was re-experiencing some previous trauma, and I just couldn’t function.  Parenting was hard, I couldn’t focus on my children (other than basic needs such as feeding them when hungry).  Thinking was probably the most difficult task.  I could think about trauma and anger, but anything else. was tough.  I started seeing a therapist to help with the stress and depression.  That was beyond helpful.  My life has changed tremendously in the past few years.  My love for myself and my family is so real.  I made some changes that were much needed that took a lot of practice, positive self talk, writing, and failure over and over again.  I am still working on them.

One of the many things she talked about was finding things that I enjoy doing, and looking forward to them.  Since then, I have worked on this a lot, and found some fun things that I enjoy.  I was doing much better with that, but had a lot of progress to make still.  When I got pregnant with Eleanor, I mostly just needed to survive.  I had to majorly slow my life down while pregnant just to keep enough energy to again make sure my children’s basic needs were met.  Then I had Eleanor and had to slow down even more for a bit.  Hobbies were put on the back burner.

Here I am, 8 months post-partum, ready to show up for life again.  I have slowly been adjusting to life with a new baby, a new home, growing children, and a relationship to grow with my husband.  I need a whole other post to talk about how I approached adjusting to life post baby carefully to keep depression at bay.  Now that I am figuring out how to be a mom to three, I am ready to start working on building and re-building relationships and hobbies.

A while back, I had written a blog post about what I enjoy doing, and what I would like to try sometime.  I talked a bit about how I enjoy color and dates with Brian.  I have never taken an art class before, but over the past few years, have wanted to try.  Brian and I have registered for a water color painting class together.  We are both thrilled.  I really want to stretch myself by trying new things.  It is every Wednesday evening for 8 weeks, and we have hired a babysitter to tend the kids.  The great part is that class is during dinner and bedtime, so lucky for us, we get to skip that job once a week!  I was just telling Brian that it would be nice to have a regular night off.  Brian has been playing racquetball with a buddy once a week for the past year, so again, to work on hobbies and relationship building, I have been inviting some friends over for a game night while he is out and the kids are in bed.  This has been a nice way to meet new people and to have fun. I also joined a monthly book club in my neighborhood to get myself to read.  I enjoy reading, but for whatever reason, I don’t do it.  I am halfway through my book, and I am really looking forward to it.  I bought a bike from the classifieds (piece of junk) and a bike trailor for the kiddos, but never got to use it because of the junky bike.   I found a bike today, and am looking forward to biking with Calvin and the girls to school here and there.  I also signed up for a belly dancing class with my friend from home starting in April.  This is super new to me, but I look forward to learning something new and different.

I am glad I got the help I needed, and that we are in a position where I can find new things to try.  I feel happy that Brian is helping me to embrace changes and look forward to a fun and enriching life.  I used to think that with small children, I couldn’t enjoy hobbies.  I was not important enough to care for, or to think about.  That just isn’t true.  I have learned so much about myself over the past few years.  The 2 most helpful things I’ve learned is that I am important, and much happier when I put some special focus on me, and that I don’t have to super focus on what others think about me.   Here is to 2016 and trying new things!

Baby Eleanor's Birth Story

I had been feeling even more tired the whole week before having Eleanor than usual.  I don’t know if it was a side effect from the antidepressant I started or if it was my body feeling worn out from the pregnancy.  I think it most likely was both.  I had been feeling Braxton hicks here and there for the past few weeks, which is something I had never really felt or at least noticed in my previous pregnancies.  In the early morning hours, I’m guessing 5 am or so, I started feeling contractions.  I figured they were just the practice ones and being tired, didn’t even look at the clock.  After having a nice handful of contractions that seemed to be going in a pattern, I called Brian to ask him if he had left for work or not.  He is usually gone before 7am, but luckily that day, he hadn’t left yet.  I told him that I didn’t think I was in labor, but would like him to start driving to work for the next few weeks just in case.  He usually takes the train, but I wanted him to be able to get home from Salt Lake as quickly as possible if he needed to.  Rebecca had come 2 weeks early, and I had a gut feeling Eleanor would come about that early as well. 

I wasn’t tracking the contractions, as I figured it was not true labor, but my body just getting ready for labor.  I fed the kids breakfast, we got dressed and headed over to a friend’s place for a play date.  It wasn’t until about 10am that I noticed they were coming every 20 minutes or so, and even then, I didn’t believe it was real labor until about noon.  After lunch, we came home, the kids watched some tv and I laid down to rest for a little while.  I had my 37 week checkup that afternoon, and at about 1:00 I asked Brian to come home because I wanted him at my appointment.  He jumped in the car and got there just in time for my appointment with my midwife.  I was at a 5 when I got there, my contractions were now happening every 15 minutes or so, but they were still not painful at all.  While there, I found out my group B culture came back positive.  She told me to go to the hospital when I had to start working and breathing through my contractions so that they could put the penicillin in for 4 hours or so. 

Brian and I went to the store to buy a car seat, picked the kids up from the neighbor and then Brian took the kids to our friend’s place to wait for his sister to drive up from Alpine to keep them for a few nights.  I called another friend and asked her if she’d bring us some kneaders because we were both super hungry.  Right after Brian left, I had to start working through the contractions a bit more, so he drove faster than he probably should have.   He got home and packed a few things for the hospital, while I labored in the bathtub for a bit.  As soon as Jenny showed up with the food, we were out of the door. 

I didn’t have much of an appetite by that point, so my delicious turkey bacon avocado sandwich was saved for my nurse to enjoy.  We got to the hospital at around 4:30 ish, we got all checked in, changed clothes, etc.  At around 5 ish, they monitored baby for a while and also put the penicillin in while Brian went to fill out some paperwork.  After that was finished, I went and sat in the tub for about 45 minutes.  Up until the point of getting into the tub, my contractions were quite manageable, and maybe every other contraction was more painful with a lot of pressure.  Out of nowhere, I had a contraction that was so incredibly strong, painful and super LOOOOOONNNNNGGGG!  Brian had asked if I wanted to check how dilated, etc., I was.  I didn’t want to be disappointed that I had a long time left, so I said I’d rather not be checked, and we’d call for the nurse when I felt ready to push.  Not long after my response (maybe a minute), I had another contraction and felt like it was almost time to push, so I asked him to help me out of the tub.  From that point on, my contractions were one on top of the other and very strong with maybe 5-10 seconds between each one. 

It took about 5 minutes just to get out of the tub because as soon as I’d finish a contraction and get in a position where I could get ready to stand, I’d have another contraction and have to sit back down to get through it.  As he pulled me out of the tub, we called the nurse in to help us get me to the bed.  She asked if I wanted a wheelchair, but the thought of sitting down on my bum made me want to vomit.  I would just hug Brian and lean into his body with each contraction, take one or two steps, and then repeat.  It took 10 minutes to get from the bathroom to the bed, but I eventually got there.  She checked me, and said I was at a 9.  I decided to have my midwife break my water because I knew she would come right out if she did.  My nurse left the room, and as she was closing the door, Eleanor started coming out!  Nurse came in right then and started shouting, “Get her in here!  Set everything up now!  Hurry, get her in here now!”  Turns out, my midwife delivered a baby next door 1 minute before Eleanor came out.  The girl was due the day before me, had a girl who weighed the same as Ellie did.  I was trying so so so hard to not push while we waited for somebody to come in.  My midwife’s partner came just in time and caught Eleanor by the head.  She came out with a very very small push by me, and a very tiny tear. 

They kept asking if I wanted to hold her, but I was so tired, I needed to have help sitting down (I delivered on my hands and knees).  They put her in my arms, and she was so tiny and beautiful.  She was grey, and not breathing, so they took her pretty quickly.  Eleanor had inhaled some meconium, and had to be given oxygen, etc. to take care of it.  About 2 hours later, I was able to go to the nursery and hold her for a while.  It was so nice that I didn’t have an epidural or anything.  I was able to get up and use the bathroom very soon after having her and getting some antibiotics through an IV.  My placenta wasn’t very healthy and didn’t come out all on it’s own.  The midwife had to reach up to fish the rest of it out, so they had to give me some antibiotics from her reaching up.  I also got to go to the nursery to see her instead of waiting even longer to see her. 

**Backstory** I had a bit of post-traumatic stress from previous pregnancies.  My morning sickness was super bad, and I could hardly function, even with medication for my nausea.  After I had Rebecca, Brian and I both got depression pretty badly.  There was a lot of fighting (we don’t fight), we disengaged from each other, and thoughts of suicide on both our parts were not unfamiliar.  Because of this, we didn’t want to have another baby.  Fast forward to September 2014.  Out of nowhere, I was starting to feel quite bitter that I couldn’t/wouldn’t be having another baby.  I wanted to have more kids, I wanted to have a newborn to snuggle and love.  I wanted so badly to have a natural birth experience one time.  I felt like it was unfair that I didn’t get to have another one.   I was seeing people I had my babies with having more, and for some reason, that month, I was really angry about it.  I had zero desire, zero jealousy, etc. up until that point, but I was just plain mad.  I started reading about HG, and how to make it through the morning sickness part, to try to remind myself about why I didn’t want to have another baby, but it just made me want to start preparing for the next pregnancy, mentally and physically.  I had mentioned this to Brian (In October), and he said that he had been thinking about having another one as well.  This SHOCKED me, way more than I shocked myself!  We started considering the possibility more seriously and even started to get excited about it.  We decided that come January and after saving a bit of money, we’d start to try.  It took 9 months of trying to get Calvin, and 5 with Becca, so we figured I wouldn’t be pregnant until spring of 2015.  Fast forward a few weeks, and I found out I was already pregnant! 

So with that being said, when I held Eleanor, and looked at her, I knew that she was just what our family needed.  Eleanor means, bright shining one.  Her middle name is Faye.  Last fall, Brian’s maternal grandmother passed away pretty suddenly.  Her middle name was Faye.  I was touched at her funeral.  Somebody (I think Uncle Clint?) said, that whatever grandma touched, lived.  Her home, was one of the most peaceful, happy and loving places I had ever been.  Eleanor, may have been unplanned, but she was no accident.  She is meant to be in our home and has already brought me so much joy, and really has touched my life.  We want her to be like her Grandma Christensen.  Somebody who touches lives and brings hope and joy. 

Rebecca Funny

Once in a while I like to write what the kids say that makes me smile.  Today, Calvin and I were teaching Rebecca numbers with a number puzzle.  Calvin pointed to the lighthouse and said, "Rebecca, how many lighthouses do you see?"  Rebecca said, "That is not a lighthouse, it's a milkshake!"  She makes me smile every day!

The "Milkshake" aka Lighthouse

Calvin Teaching

Piggy is Back!

It was a sad day for Calvin when he lost his piggy back in 2012.  I tried to find a new piggy to give him, but they were over $40 on Ebay because it was a collector's item by that point.  Yesterday I went to pick up some hand me downs and my friend had piggy!  I was so excited.  I know this sounds silly, but I think we were all attached to piggy because to Calvin he was real.  We gave him to Calvin yesterday and he was so thrilled.  He's been attached to a bear that we used to replace pig, but as soon as we gave it to him, he said, "Dad, you can sleep with bear now because I have piggy now."

Ms. Rebecca Boo!

**Back in June/July, I decided I'd do a blog post on each member of the family and what they enjoy.  I wrote this post back in July and never posted it.  I must have had one or two extra things I wanted to write and just forgot about my blog.  This was about Rebecca at 2 1/2 years old exactly.  Everything is the same, except she speaks much better just 3 months later.
1. Singing
Rebecca is our little singer.  Calvin has always been one to sing, but she just tops the cake on this one.  She sings every song that she hears.  She has most of this year's primary songs memorized,  I need thee every hour, I kneel to pray, a lot of the nursery rhyme songs, a peanut sat on the railroad track, the Psych theme song and more I'm sure.  I love her voice so much.  She craves singing time each day and will initiate it on her own if I don't.

2. All By Myself!

She loves to do things all by herself and gets annoyed and sometimes angry when we try to help her speed the process up.  She wants to do everything that Calvin does and heaven forbid anybody help her.  :)  It takes us about 10 minutes to get into the car because she wants to climb into her seat all by herself, put her buckles on and tighten her car seat straps by herself.  It's the same getting out of the car.  If anybody even touches the door, she gets upset about not being able to shut it by herself.  I'd say that doing things by herself are what make her feel most satisfied, and getting help is probably the main cause of most of her fits these days.

3. Playing outdoors

She loves to climb, swing, climb, bike, climb, run, climb, hike, camp, draw with chalk, swim, and ride in the stroller.  She's always loved being outside, even when she was just a small baby.  There have been so many times over the last few months where I find her at the door with no pants or underwear and a pair of shoes on.  We've been potty training and most days she runs around nude, but when she wants to go out, she skips the pants part.  I love it!



4. Art

She loves doing crafts.  She likes painting, coloring with any type of tool, and scissors.  She loves to play with scissors!








5. Reading















I love laying next to her bed at night and reading books.  She's been into counting the different objects on each page.  This week her two favorite books are "Where's Spot" and "Hello Summer" (a hello kitty book).  She loves the books with few words, bold colors and simple illustrations.  Mostly though, she likes to have somebody read to her.  She seems to just sit there quietly while taking everything in.











6. Parks
She loves to go to the park.  It doesn't matter what toy she is on or if she's playing in the dirt, bark or sand, she just enjoys being at the park.  She even loved it as a little baby.  Her favorite at the moment is any park with swings (apparently swings aren't a common thing in Layton, Utah).

7. Making Jokes
She loves to make jokes or play trickster.  Her favorite joke that she made up is "One time there was a train in the tunnel and it hit Becca (insert fart sound with mouth here)."  It's totally not funny, but for some reason, she just can't stop laughing at herself and she repeats it for 5 minutes at a time.
8. Giggling
This girl loves a good giggle.  She doesn't have the belly laugh of Calvin's, but it is the cutest thing that comes out of her mouth.  She even snorts when we get her going (just like mom).
9. Cooking and washing dishes
She really enjoys being involved in everything we do.  Lately she has been washing dishes (more like our floor) with me.  She mostly fills cups and dumps them out for an hour at a time.  Today she took interest in rinsing the "yuckies"(crumbs) off of the dirty dishes before I loaded them into the dishwasher.  She also liked rinsing the bubbles off of the dishes I hand washed.  If there is any ingredient that needs to be dumped into a bowl or pan, she's your gal.  She loves to cook the food.  I find that my kids enjoy eating what they cooked more often than not.
10. She loves to be held (all the time), cuddled, kissed and hugged.  Rebecca's language of love is touch and time!

Rebecca funnies
I used to post a lot of things Calvin did to make me laugh when he was younger.  I am so glad I wrote them down.  I want to remember how funny Rebecca was as well.  Here are her most recent funny or cute sayings or actions.
At church she fondled my chest and said, "Mom are these babies in your tummy?"
Missionary- Mishia-may-ee
Chocolate- Cha-lock-it
air conditioner- airgishner
umbrella- ungella
conductor- duckterd
Hello Kitty- Hell no kitty
discovery- govened

Popcorn and a movie after playing in the flash flood for an hour.

I can't believe this was her one year ago!

Brian

I decided a while back that I would do a post about each family member's interests and hobbies.  Brian wrote a post on his blog tonight about what he enjoys.  Here it is.

Too "smart" for homework?

Calvin's school gave a handout of homework to do before school.  It is a way to assess where the child is and to encourage the parent to teach the kid to do things like: tying shoes, holding pencils correctly, etc.  Here are some examples.

Draw a line from the upper case to the lower case letters.  The page didn't have a lower case a.  I didn't notice and asked him if he thought he could do that page.  He looked at it for a few seconds and said, "Mom, this doesn't even have a lower case a!  Why did they ask me to draw a line from the upper case to the lower case if it isn't even on the page?!"

Fill in each number with the correct color.  

ones- blue

twos- red, etc.   

He started to color in the numbers and within 2 minutes he said, "But what about zero?  Zero is a number and they didn't tell me what color to fill it in.  (insert frustrated and confused tone).  I said, well, this homework is to help you follow the directions.  That means do what they say to do.  He said, "But they said to Fill in each number with the correct color.  Zero is a number and they didn't give me a color!"  Ok, let's say that zero is white and we don't color it in.  "But they said to fill in...  If I pretend they said white and don't color it then I am not filling it in!"  

We resolved it by inserting our own instructions for the number zero.  He chose tan.  

Fill in your phone number in the boxes below.  "But I don't have a phone."

I thought doing homework with Calvin was very entertaining.  I was telling Brian about it and all he could do was criticize the grammar.  Ha!  Calvin is a mini Brian in EEEEVVERRRRRRRY way!  These guys crack me up!