superhero assessment

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( plurk ) adjustment
( dw ) mayuzumi
( aim ) revoluting

[ Sometimes you make bad decisions in life, you know, like storming off with your new Poképal before the designated NPC explains to you what the PokéGear is, what it's used for, why you want to use it. Bakugou can't help it, he was mad and... no, that's pretty much it. He was mad and made bad decisions: the story of his life.

Which is why a full week after he's been kicking it on his own, figuring things out with him and his Cyndaquil (whose presence he accepted surprisingly quickly, but then the little guy is cute and reminds him of himself, so). Like some berries aren't meant to be eaten, even if they look like they should be perfectly edible, he knows what berries aren't edible.

... It's probably a good thing his PokéGear remained shoved at the bottom of his backpack because nobody needed him to liveblog that entire experience. At least after that, he'd actually read his Trainer Handbook.

Anyway, the point is that when he finally figures out that his PokéGear exists, it's because he accidentally drops it when cleaning out his backpack. It opens for the first time as it hits the floor — while Bakugou keeps ignoring it in favor of picking up everything else, his Cyndaquil does not, and begins broadcasting an 8 minute video of a very cute Cyndaquil face. Bakugou can occasionally be seen coming in and out of the background, it's not entirely clear what he's doing. Does it really matter what some dumb blond human is doing when you're the Cute Pokémon Faces channel, anyway?

Sadly, after the 8 minutes are up, Bakugou finally decides to pay attention to what his Pokémon is messing around with, picking up both the Cyndaquil and the Gear and peering at it. ]

The fuck is this? [ There's a pause as he puts 2 and 2 together. This isn't rocket science, after all. ] Oh my fucking god.

[ GOODBYE FRIENDS aka he cuts the feed because he needs to reassess his life.

A fresh 15 minutes later, after Bakugou's realized that the PokéGear is not, in fact, an outdated flip phone and the map is on there and he could've been complaining vitriolically to the masses this whole time and he's a scrub and he's so mad, there's another video. He's still carrying his Cyndaquil [art credit] and they sure do make a matching pair. ]

... The last week of my life was a fucking mess and you all should thank me because you didn't have to see it.

[ But it would've been Quality Entertainment, probably. ]

Anyway, okay, so just assume for reasons that I had to learn everything about Pokémon land through trial and error and wanting to scrub my stomach from the inside out after eating some bad fucking berries. What things should I know now that will make me not want to set an entire forest on fire later?

[ Like how ice works, or that you shouldn't bother going north on Route 45 (though he already tried that and failed). Ledges. He wants #justpokémonthings, basically. ]

Also how do I turn the music off.

... And how do I give a Fire-type Pokémon a bath?

But more importantly, how do I turn the damn music off.

[ ... He wasn't joking when he said the last week of his life was a mess. ]