Opposition

It seems in life there are relative periods of calm and tranquility and then times of opposition. In my experience, the periods of opposition signal something wonderful on the horizon. I have a personality that generally tries to be the "act positive, be positive" approach. I don't love dwelling or feeding into the negativity because that doesn't help anyone.

We are very up in the air right now. The house is up for sale. It's the right decision, but it's a lot of work to move everything. Change your life. Physically and emotionally. I gear up differently than Ben. My organization skills and list making tendencies go into high gear. Sometimes it feels like robot mode. Process the To Do's. Do them. Check.

So, it begs the question, when life IS really hard, what's the best way to process it.

I'm dealing with severe disappointment and frustration with others choices. Some people are so selfish. I try to rationalize the selfishness with the thought of, I know that everyone else is in a different place and the way that people deal with stress varies. But I just want to say out loud (is this out loud? It's not going to count today) COME ON PEOPLE! The selfishness comes with people not seeing how their choices are affecting others. People are suffering because of those choices. I actually mourn the loss of faith in humanity. That's the part that hurts the most. I mourn it like a death. The selfishness turns into a disease. A slow, quiet disease that seeps into everything else. Others see the negativity and it affects them. It makes them feel unsure of their own feelings.
I understand to an extent.

It's easy for me to say, guess what? That's life, DEAL WITH IT. My tendency is to say, look, listen, I'm pregnant with #5, have a busy calling, have my house on the market, running a side business, have a husband with a crazy and intense work schedule, he has an intense calling AND and and. My gut feeling is, how I deal with the opposition is important. If I can forgive, shove my sleeves up higher and REFUSE to give into the bad, that is what Heavenly Father is looking for. How will Rachel deal with these trials. Will she be the better person and try to uplift, gain a stronger testimony and try my hardest? Will I forgive? Or will I wallow, dwell on the negative and not learn the lessons that are sitting there in a nice, pretty box.

From this point on, I will face the opposition face on. Good, bad and ugly. I can't control others, but I do have the power to influence others for good.

NEWS!!!!

Last summer I had a dream. When I woke up, I knew that we had another baby that wanted to come to our family. I've been trying to lose weight, so I gave myself 6 months to lose a little weight and then get pregnant. In December I found out I was pregnant. At about 6 weeks, I had a miscarriage. I was sad, but I felt very strongly at that time that THAT specific spirit would try again with a perfect body. Christmas happened and then right after Christmas break we went to Disneyland. Life was busy getting back into our routine. In January was the beginning of sicknesses for our family. We seemed to get everything under the sun. About mid January I started feeling kind of yucky and tired. I attributed it to having a bug and also the January blues. By the end of January I realized that maybe there was more to this puzzle. I told Ben one morning that I thought I might be pregnant. He said, well, there's only one way to find out. I went and grabbed a test after I dropped Isaac off at kindergarten. I got home and took the test. It was positive immediately. I had NO IDEA how far along I was. On February 19th I finally got into the doctor to get an ultrasound. At that point I was 10 weeks along...which means that I got pregnant VERY quickly after I had my miscarriage!

We're very excited! Mid September is when the baby is due! Baby #5 is on it's way!

Disney 2013!

In the beginning of January we went on a family vacation to Disneyland! It was so fun! We stayed at a beautiful resort in Newport Beach. We went with the whole Shoff clan which made it so fun for my kids. They were able to play with cousins and we were able to catch up with family that we haven't seen for awhile. We went to see the temple, went out to eat as adults at a yummy Italian joint!



Newport Villas

We spent our time going to Disneyland and California Adventure!



Cars land was amazing! The kids loved it!




We had a blast!

We also went to the beach. It was really humid and foggy, but still fun!



Oh, and a cupcake run!!

Mid-life Crisis

My husband is having a real, honest and true mid-life crisis. Maybe it's his mother passing away, maybe it's that we are getting close to our *shudder* mid 30's. He's established in his career, he's content in our marriage, he's a wonderful husband, father, brother, ward member, citizen and friend.

About 3 months ago, he found this old guitar that he'd been gifted that he'd given to me with the intent that I learn. I love to sing and I've always wanted to learn to play. I never did anything with it and it's been shoved to the wayside. Ben took a music theory class in high school from Miss J and learned all the basics. He picked up the guitar and started strumming. A few weeks later, I noticed that in the evenings when he had a quiet moment, he would be watching youtube videos on how to tune the guitar and the basic cords. One day he asked me to pick a song that he could start learning. I picked a Lady Antebellum song. I'm telling you, he is picking it up quick!! He sounds awesome! He's always told me our whole marriage that I'm the one who has the musical ability, but I'm thinking that he has a little hidden talent.

After the funeral, Ben's brother brought a nicer guitar, although missing a string, that Ben got a new string for. He's been practicing and researching guitars ever since. I knew it was starting to get obsessive when I would find him scouring the internet when we were talking or while we were on a date. A few weeks ago, he started asking me questions like "Hey, babe, IF I ever owned an electric guitar, which one would look best on me" while showing me an internet page. This is how I know that we are in trouble!

Kidding aside, I actually feel fine, and if I'm being honest, encourage him to develop his hobbies. He's always been very supportive of me. I think it's wonderful and healthy that we each have our own identities and things that make us happy beyond the normal.

The only requirement that I have is that he doesn't love guitars more than me. That would make me jealous :)
The neighbors requests? No playing after 10?

If this is his mid-life crisis, I can handle it! Pictures to come of the new equipment.

To be continued...

Moving up, not on

On the last day of July, my sweet mother in law succumbed to the trials of her earthly body and sweetly passed from this life. Being able to watch her pass was one of the most emotional moments of my life. In the weeks since her passing, I have felt her closer to me than ever. I keep looking for her, I keep hearing her voice, her boisterous laugh off in the other room, I hear her reading to my children. I miss her. My life still feels complete, even with her gone. It's focus is more on the best things. It's focus is up. She is just as involved and available for me and my children, but on a much deeper level. She can now know my heart, she can see the big picture.

Moving forward sometimes feels like a betrayal. As things start happening that she would have been there for, it pinches my heart. When I walk into their home, I still see the things that she loves. I go into her room and closet and all her beautiful jewelry still hangs there. She loved it. Her reading glasses still sit by her chair where she used to read. It seems unreal that just a month ago, she was here.

I've learned a lot of lessons the last few months. I've learned that I MUST live my life as it was meant to be lived. I can be better. There is no time like the present to live as Heavenly Father wants me to and to claim my full potential. I have so much potential. Suzanne has taught me that my mind must not hold back my body and my body must not hold back my mind. It's a clean slate. Moving forward is not an option. Life is different, but I can move up. And I will.

Suzanne

Growing up, I always heard the jokes. The jabs and negative comments about mother in laws. It's enough to make a young woman dread the changes that would happen when you marry into a family and take a woman's son away.

When I started dating Ben, I remember the first time that I met his mother. I was surprised that I sensed that SHE was nervous to meet me. I didn't know what Ben had told her about me. Later I found out that he hadn't told her ANYTHING until about an hour before we were coming over; he told her that he wanted to marry me. She's thinking "WHAT? I didn't even know that you were dating anyone! Rachel WHO?" (I scolded him later for his insensitivity to his mother). We broke the ice and instantly connected. As Ben and I's relationship progressed, there were more and more opportunities for Suzanne and I to get to know each other and become comfortable. I learned that I could be JUST ME. She accepted me for me. And as you become more comfortable with someone, you can start showing those faults and insecurities that make us all

human. I've always felt safe that Suzanne genuinely loves me, no matter what. The way she's always be involved the perfect amount; giving a newly married couple the freedom to start our own family properly, without the expectations, pressures and influences from her own experiences. She was patient and watched us make our own stupid mistakes, never giving advise unless we solicited it. She is so good at checking in with us, just the right amount. In turn, I truly believe that Suzanne started to trust me, and I sometimes became that listening ear. She would confide in me and share with me things that I assume, not many others know. I would like to think that she trusts me with her emotions.

When princess was born, I then gained a full circle perspective of what a mother's love really is. Then I fully understood that Suzanne loves me completely. She loved that Ben and I were one and accepted that her son is a new man. We are a package deal and for that, I am eternally grateful.

It's the little things that count the most. It's Suzanne's practicality. It's her ability to never talk ill of others. Her ease to laugh whenever she hears a funny story about the kids. It's the mid-week call where she asks me all about my week and all the fun things we are doing. The email reminders to remember others. Her ability to think through (worry!) about everyone's feelings and be aware of our needs.

I love this woman. I LOVE this woman! I couldn't have dared or dreamed that in finding the most amazing man, that I would find his equally amazing mother that influenced and shaped him. She is the matriarch of our family. She is the soul. She can't leave yet. We need you Suzanne! We love you. Yesterday when I stood by her bedside and took her hand, full of wires; I told her I loved her, with tears streaming down my cheeks. She nodded her head up and down. Her Spirit confirmed to me that she KNOWS that I love her. And I know that she loves me. She is in the Lord's hands. I want it to go my way. But that's not always the way it works. At least I have no regrets. For that peace, I am grateful.

Knock, Knock!

Who's there? Well hello! It's me. Rachel. Yes, I know. Don't spit anything out! It's a shock, isn't it.

I gotten out of the habit of posting about my life here. Along with that, I don't check into my other friends blogs either. I feel a bit disconnected. I seem to have this hang up (perfectionism talking here) that if I get behind on blogging about events in my life, it starts feeling overwhelming. I need to just move on. Just pick up where I am in the moment. Don't worry about the past. I'll work on it.

So here's my update on life. Let me tell you...life is so wonderful and blessed. We are doing such wonderful things.

It's summer and the kids are out of school. I'm trying hard to keep them occupied and alive! Generally we are doing well. I decided that I wasn't going to put them in any sports or activities this summer and just kind of enjoy the down time. We do however go to the movies, Trafalga, seven peaks and many other activities. We've got a great network of friends that we do lots of fun things with. We really love our neighborhood here!

Ben has been very busy at his job the last few months. They just their semi-annual product release and as a reward for good work, his boss gave Ben's whole team a week off of work last week YAY! He's been home this last week, which has been amazingly fun. Ben's mom had surgery last week and is recovering from that. It's been nice that we've been available to help there. Ben is still working out like a mad man and has dropped even more pounds (proud wife here!!) He would say the same for me, but my pounds are coming off much slower. It's all good though. It's a life style change that we are going for.

I've been busy with my calling. It's going great and I'm striving to do a good job. I've also had a little break from PTA stuff which has been nice. Still making bread and overall trying to change our diets to be more wholesome. Overall plan. I really just love being a mother. It's hard sometimes because all my kids have such different personalities. I really pray and hope that I'm not royally screwing them up. I know I'm not, but some days I need a little encouragement and correction (P.S. that's where Ben and the Lord come in :)

Princess is enjoying her friends. This girl has major talent in being social and getting things going. We can be at the park and literally, I'm not kidding, by the end of the park stay she's got 20 kids, whom she didn't know before, playing freeze tag or some other group game. She's getting so tall (5'3" now!) She's getting into all the girly things and learning how to do her own hair. It's fun to see her blossom. Only one more year of elementary. I still don't know where the time has gone.

G-man is also growing like crazy. I still have friends that call me from his previous years from his school classes who want to set up a play date. He's so generally nice and sweet. In the last little bit, he's finally getting an opinion about how he should spend his time. He's totally motivated by money, so he has all these ideas for ways to make it (reminds me of my brother Jake a bit when he was little). There is this 14 year old boy in our neighborhood who sells ice cream bars from his garage all summer. Last Sunday G-man decided that he was going to call the boy up and ask him if he could go into business with this boy. I was hesitant to let him, but then Ben encouraged me to let go a little. So he calls this teenager up and told him his plan. The boy told him no. LOL! (I can imagine this boy thinking, Um...no I don't want to share my profits with an 8 year old...what's your name again?? :). He wasn't mad or embarrassed at all. He took the initiative and is now selling from the street doing his own business! So cute!

Ikey is my little quirky guy! Man, I love that kid. He's so responsible and wants everyone to follow the rules. You tell Ikey to enforce a rule and he is on it! (G-man and Princess LOVE it! He he! :) He starting attending speech therapy which should help get him ready for school and his help with his sensory issues. Overall he's so great! He's getting cute freckles on his face, which I love to kiss ♥

Last but not least, there's my Mase baby. Such a funny kid. Mom calls him Jekyll and Hyde baby. You NEVER know what you're going to get. He reserves his love and affection for his moods. To ME, he is usually so sweet and huggy. But boy, when you get him when he's tired, or in a new situation...or just when he feels like being cranky, WATCH OUT!! :) He's talking so much now and want to do everything that his brothers do. He really is a sweet heart, I promise :)

Anyway I know this is long. We are so blessed.