blueminder

I have a new LiveJournal name, esan. It may not be creative or anything of the sort, but it's certainly a name that I won't be changing any time soon.

Those of you that do read this thing when I do update, please add my new account to your friends list and I'll friend you back. This account is rife with broken contacts and inactive groups that I don't wish to seek out all on my own. I'll be adding the journals that I'll be sure to read all my own as well though.

I felt it appropriate to make a new journal, simply because I needed an excuse to do so. I figure I can use the fact that I'm moving away in one week to live on my own as a college student as a good excuse for starting fresh in my online journal.

For the past four years, I've been chronicling my life under the LiveJournal account blueminder to varying degrees. In the beginning I would write about my day, as it would happen, explaining everything from what I had for breakfast to the annoyances of friends and family that most people wouldn't give a shit about. I would start talking about my random computer projects that most people wouldn't even understand. I would attempt to describe an event in vague prose as the laws of teenage angst dictated which would just leave most people confused. Alas, the high school years.

I look back on my past entries and the like, and just laugh at myself for the way I used to be and hold shame to a certain degree about my own naivety, pretentiousness, and general immaturity that I've shown in my entries and the like. I can't say that I've made very many mistakes that are far different than anybody else, I know I'm not special in that regard, but I just find it funny that I have a way of looking back at my own thoughts at certain moments in time, and all the more humbling, one which anyone can look at for themselves if they really wish.

I could be looking too much into it though, it's very doubtful anyone would care to look at my entire history, but all the same, I'm not deleting this thing. If I posted it online, I have nothing to hide.

See ya on my new journal!

I haven't updated this thing forever, it happens. I won't really write anything substantial anyway, just trying to enjoy my time down here before I leave for Georgia Tech next Wednesday.


What I really want to do right now, is pose two questions. What the hell were the creators smoking when they made The Punisher Meets Archie? And where the hell can I find a copy of this? I absolutely need to read this now.

Carbon dioxide. They call it pollution. We call it life.
Click on "Energy", it has to be the funniest attempt at a PSA I have ever seen.

After finishing Season 1 of 24, Jack Bauer is now tied with Iron Man for the title of "Who I want to be when I grow up."

Prom was a blast.

I was way too busy tearing up the dance floor to complain about music selection. When you've got rhythm, you need nothing else :P. As Damian said in his own journal, we were the Lords of the Dance. Hell, I broke off the bottom sole of my rental shoe, which I plan on applying glue to soon. I was pleasantly surprised by the fact they put in some variety as far as the music was concerned though.

Pamela was a wonderful date for prom, and I'm glad I asked her to go with me. Everyone was dressed so nicely (obviously, considering the occasion), but I still have to note just how wonderful all the girls were, Pam and Jeffy in their respective green dresses, Nicolle in her absolutely stunning dress, Jessica who was lovely as usual, and Fatima who had two dresses for the night and looked wonderful in both.

Biggest thing about tonight, Chris proposed to Stephanie! Congratulations, I'm happy for you two, I wish you two the greatest luck in the world.

Having all my friends in formal clothing was just nice really. I'm not partial to always wearing nice clothing at all, but it just seemed so proper really, like there had to be at least one time we all had to make such an impression, despite the fact most of us care little for it in our everyday lives. Just a nice break from reality I suppose.

The after-party was great too. A few weeks ago, I was torn between going to the big after-party on the beach which most of the class was going to, or to Nicolle's party which would be just hanging out with a few friends for the night. After finding out that most of the people who mattered to me were going to Nicolle's I decided against the festival of alcohol on the beach, and I don't regret it whatsoever. It was a blast.

I think it was about 12 hours of video games and caffeine really. Chris, Mike, Nicolle, Pam, Tony, Jessica, Ajoi, Little Fatima and Brandon were there. Giovanni, Moo, Ryan and Fatima joined us after realizing the party on the beach sucked and we started playing a ton of DDR, a broken game of SSB:Melee, and later on, the original on Gio's N64. We actually made a run to Wal-Mart at 4am in an attempt to find a working copy of Super Smash Bros Melee, with half of us in our formal attire and the other half of us in sandals and shorts, it was very amusing. What started off as a Wal-Mart run, turned into a nearly 3-hour road trip across Broward County with Tony, Jessica, Fatima and Giovanni.

We gave up on the game hunt and got an N64 from Gio's house with Super Smash Bros which we played from 7am to Noon. I don't think I had any more than a half an hour to an hour of sleep. It was fun chilling around with everyone for the time we had. At around 2pm, I got home, and promptly fell to sleep.

I'm trying out this LiveJournal Scrapbook system, I might just use it for my road trip pictures in the weeks to come so it might prove useful enough to pay for the service. I put up pictures from prom here, enjoy!

High School has ended. There are no more classes, the people you have been around for the past four years in the final chapter of compulsory schooling are now leaving to wherever their futures lead them.

While tons of people are all emotional, crying, and are simply afraid of losing contact with their friends, I really don't feel that.

To me, high school, like most anywhere else that you are forced to be in, is filled with two different types of people. True friends and mere acquaintances. True friends are the people you would hang out with outside of school if given the chance to do so, and mere acquaintances are people that are merely around you, those you probably wouldn't hang out with if you met them outside of an environment that forced you to be with them.

In my opinion, the true friends will keep in touch outside of the walls of school, and I will do the same. Many of my friends that I met in middle school that I still possess today are founded on that theory. I made most of my friends either at the end of middle school or after the entire thing was over. I remember playing Star Wars d20 the summer before freshman year over at Kraig's house, a guy who I really barely talked to in middle school but became better friends when we didn't have to be forced in the same institution together. Whether that has anything to do with the environment or myself is beyond me, but some of my best friends are those I have met after the fact, and I'm truly happy for it.

The most pivotal realizations are made in the course of great change, or really when it's made obvious to all of those around. That might just explain why I was able to gain such friends when middle school came to an end for me.

The past few weeks have been interesting. I realized just how oblivious I was to states of drama people keep themselves in and have managed to become better friends with some people I would be missing out on if it weren't for a few choices. Just as in middle school, I'm becoming good (or better) friends with people that I may have known before, but thought of as a little less than the 'truest' of my friends considering how often I talk and hang out with them.

If there weren't a definite end to the time we would all be able to see each other in such a 'convenient' way that high school is, there would be no true incentive to get to know people in the time you have. Sure, you would make friends in the beginning, and for the most part, stick with them to the end. But sometimes, when you intend to tie up loose ends with the people around you, you realize that there is also a possibility of a greater friendship in the future. That is the opportunity that presents itself at such an end.

I'm happy for all this, I really am. Maybe it's still a bit unreal for me since the people who are more emotional about this are staying relatively close for the most part (Staying in FIU, BCC, & UCF) while I'm going off to Atlanta for my future. Others know exactly where they're going to be in just a few years time, they'll still be close in geography to others, but fear the possibility of being forgotten, potentially by those they care about the most despite being so close physically. I, on the other hand, have little clue about what my future holds, absolute certainty that I will be far in geography and only possess faith in my friends calling me on the condition of how often I will make an effort to communicate with them myself.

It hit me when I was driving earlier though. As I was driving down Flamingo Road, I was passing by all the intersections I would turn to get into each of my friends' neighborhoods and realized a startling fact. There will be no more Wal-Mart raids and Nerf Wars in the parking lots with Xaviar, no more car-sledding with Felipe and Towers, no more random bouts of Magic: The Gathering in times of boredom with Stefen, no more D&D with Gio DMing, no more running through Plantation Acres & jumping trees with Chris, No more beating each other up with sticks in front of Tony's garage, none of that.

It's the events we've had that are going to be reminisced about. Soon, that luxury of having a free Friday night and calling anyone up saying "Hey, wanna do something?" is going to be going away as far as those in my geographic area go. Now it's going to be different people, different events. Now it's all going to change. That's what hit me.

I'm not saddened at all by it. I'm fortunate to have such memories, I'm happy that I have had the opportunity to, and will still continue to do so when I happen to be down here to visit. Sure, it'll be different circumstances, and different people depending on where everyone is, but I have no fear, it's new, it's exciting, it's a greater experience.

I have no fear of losing contact with those I hold dear. I may not be uber-responsive like I would if I lived closer, but I'll certainly wish to keep in touch to those I say I will. That goes both ways though, give me a call and you'll be guaranteed one too, heh. Even if I haven't talked to you a great deal, give me a call if you happen to be in Atlanta anyway. I highly doubt I'll complain about the company of friends.

It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something.

I just finished watching Crash, a completely appropriate movie for all that is happening. Life is giving us reason to feel something, reason to gain motivation of touching those around us before we leave. It's times like this we re-evaluate or simple re-affirm our position in life, and prepare to press on forward with what we wish for.

I'm ready to walk for graduation. Bring it.

I haven't been updating this thing with anything meaningful recently. I've been wanting to talk about everything from Magic:  The Gathering, albums I've been listening to, E3, and the whole Moussaoui decision (which, by the way, was summed up best in this entry by perich) but haven't had the time to do so up to now. Ah well.

Tomorrow I present my Senior Exhibition, then I will be done with everything. All that will be left is a half-week of lounging around on campus before graduation, so I imagine I'll get back to my usual diatribes soon enough.

This Saturday I'm having people over for a belated birthday party for myself. Usual fare, bring your computer and your video game systems, LAN & Console Party. Call me up on my cell (954-665-4469) so I know you're coming, it's an open invitation for the most part.

On the 27th, it's going to be a more traditional celebration, combination birthday/graduation party which my family will be at. Do not doubt that there will be video games as well though, it may just be relegated to the back room with the big screen while my family and some more friends come over. Two parties, I can't complain. Just call me up if you plan on going to any or both of the parties.

High school is coming to an end soon, it'll probably hit me harder after it's done.

Nintendo just won E3
That's it, it's over.

I just can't wait to use the cardboard box.

Hey, I'm legal.

A few answers to questions nobody else really cared to ask, these all deal with different situations, but take from them what you wish:

A friendship whose only basis is their utility to you is not a friend, it's somebody you're using. Please don't mistake the two.

Apologies mean nothing when passed through the grapevine. All it shows is your continued cowardice and apathy.

Melodrama at this point is fucking dumb to take part in as friends. We have three weeks of high school, enjoy it. We'll probably never see each other again after this.

If you have ever known me, you have heard me say this. In case you haven't, I'll say it again, I don't believe in coincidence.

Glad that's settled. Tonight I had a much needed break and continued tweaking my Magic deck after playing a few games at the Tates' Gaming Satellite tonight. I surprise myself with how well I have been playing the game. I'm still a bit rusty on everything, but I'm faring well against veterans to a degree.

I also went over to OffWorld mostly to play DDR and In The Groove. Despite all the purists who insist otherwise, I'm beginning to favor ITG over DDR more each time I play it. It just has a smooth feel to the game that regular arcade DDR seems to lack (but not as ridiculously smooth the XBOX version is of the game, which I never could get used to). The modifiers and mine requirements, even from a low difficulty, make the game a nice challenge as well.

I have quite a bit to do this weekend, around 6 chapters worth of Physics homework to be turned in on Monday and some networking code for my exhibition. Considering I think I left my pen drive at school, I might just be focused on the Physics for the weekend. That's when I find time aside from the plans my family has already placed for parties and the like.

Later.