Wow...I have two journals.

abyssal_mystic For my OTHER journal.

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(Vincent) That cross you wear around your neck, is it only a decoration or are you a true Christian believer?

(girl) Yes I believe, truly.

(Vincent) Then I want you to remove it at once, never to wear it within this castle again.Do you know how a falcon is trained, my dear? Her eyes are sewn shut. Blinded temporarily, she suffers the whims of her god patiently until her will is submerged and she learns to serve as your god taught you, blinded you with crosses.

(girl) You'd have me take off my cross because it offended..

(Vincent) It offended no one one. No it simply appeared to me to be discourteous to ... to wear the symbol of a deity long dead. My ancestors tried to find it...an open door that separates us from our creator...

(girl) you need no door to find god, if you believe...

(Vincent) Believe? If you believe your ...god, can you look around this world and believe in the goodness of the god that rules it? Famine and Pestilence, War and Disease and Death. They rule this world.

(girl) There is also love and light and hope.....

(Vincent) Very little of both I assure you. If a god of love and light ever did exist ... he is long since dead. Someone.....something......rules in its place.

---Vincent Price (1911-1993) "Masque of the Red Death"

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...
...rising from the ashes I am GOTHRA!!! *dilapitated squeal powerful enough to crush the windows of all of the McDonalds restaurants in Tokyo*

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Ok perhaps I'll just continue writing.

Current Mood: spastic

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....livejournal has begun to bother me.

A little background information. Lately...I've felt like I have been living on display. Everyone's in on my business and everyone hates what they see. I guess they shouldn't have looked? Not to mention that no one really bothers to ask me what's up. It's all about the incessant scheming theory people have about me. I just want simplicity.

I wont be writing here anymore. Those of you that do love and know me have the pleasure of learning first hand. The others....are spectators.

My life...my rules....he or she who knows has been granted the opportunity of knowing. I'm so tired of feeling like I'm so important to the outside world.

-Fin.

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My Kookiness score is: 60

Definately a bit on the wild side. You are probably a student of paranormal matters. People who get to know you are often surprised that you aren't as straight as they first thought. Your last girl/boyfriend was scared for 3 weeks after splitting with you, _just_in_case_. You intimidate petty authority figures, such as interviewers, bus conductors and moral rights campaigners.

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I guess it could be said by a few that I've been neglecting those around me.....

I guess it could be said by a few that I'm not good at keeping plans and calling people back. I can name about 3-4 people right now that are in my world on a "Well if he calls then he wants to talk" basis.....

I have finals....and life is tough.

....I guess sometimes it's not allowed to be complicated for me.

Well what can i do? ....not much i suppose.

I'm moving into a new home and I'm feeling like the rest of the world doesn't exist because I have so much to pay attention to aside the social life. I get closed in and certain people make me the bad guy. I can't avoid that.....but given that only a handfull of the billions of people that exist on this universe can understand me I wouldn't even begin to know how to explain....

.....so I dont explain....and it causes dissention.

.............oh well.

Current Mood: complacent

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I'm cool I guess....






You are probably a...

	Toreador	55  %
	Your love of society and the finer things in life mark you out as a Toreador. This clan sees existance as something to be savoured, and live their unlives with flair, elegance and passion. Lovers of art and beauty they are at the center of whatever social scene they choose to grace.
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Ok..one last thing. I am listing the best horror films I have ever seen, so that if you're as bored as Kaleb and I tonight, you will have movies to rent.

1. House on Haunted Hill (1960's Vincent Price)
2. Scream and Scream Again (1970's Peter Cushing and Vincent Price)
3. The Eyeless Dead
4. Prince of Darkness
5. Night of the Living Dead (either the 60's or the remake)
6. The Exorcist. (and part III for creepy potential)
7. Tales from the Darkside (something about a man having to walk through a room lined with razorblades in the dark makes me squeal with delight)
8. Hellraiser 1, 2, 4, and 5. (3 can fuck itself) Note: Barker only directed 1 and 2.
9. Any Clive Barker directed film including "Lord of Illusions" and "Nightbreed"
10. Phantasm
11. 13 Ghosts (hey....it's original....)
12. Blair Witch Project (most film junkies tend to ignore the reality and originality of it...pur yourself in their shoes for a change)
13. PumpkinHead ("Zeke watch out...that there pumpkinhead's gonna gitcha!)

.....blah.......this list goes to about 45.....so I'll let it die.

Current Mood: amused

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Well.....it's been a while.....hope I still have all my old friends, but I've been away from the net for a while. I stopped updating LOL....that's an understatement.

I am above a B GPA in college and am a bored bored man here in Arizona. SOMEONE needs to move to the states.

So....I leave you all with a thought of the day.

I overslept school today. When I emailed my professor to let him know that I had a doctor's appointment (shwwwiiing!) ....he responded by making a joking reference to my current ulnar nerve problem and congratulation me on the highest exam grade I've recieved yet (missed only 4 questions).

Sometimes I feel like Ferris Beuller.

Current Mood: bored

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Thought of the night....

If wine is made of vinegar........and there are wine tasters.

are there salad dressing tasters?

Current Mood: sleepy

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Well I've removed a few people from my friends' list. I should explain why.

A.) Panzer.....I love ya buddy but there's only so much I can take with the questionnaires. LOL catch me on aim, k?

B.) You.....I wrote a whole long portion, but decided it would do nothing more than make you write another diary entry about how much you hate yourself.

C.) I'm in a great mood. I started school today and am deciding about my work situation. I could either keep working for earthlink or finding a part time job that wont stress me out much. Earthlink will pay me close to 14 an hour....and a part time job will be lucky if I get 6-8 an hour. That's almost HALF what Earthlink would give me. Earthlink, however, comes equipped with a plan that will make me stressed and give me grey hair. I have to prepare to fly Laura out here from New Zealand in October. Perhaps if I could weasel some more budget out of my father so that I'd be able to live comfortably. Perhaps.....SCHOOL IS GREAT! I'm gonna get A's. I'm happy. Finally doing something more with my life. Doing JUST Earthlink was suffocating. Now I'm pounding out future Chart Toppers with Methuselah's Child, getting an Edumacation, and have a place ALL for myself. I'm still putting the place together....LOL....let's HOPE it's ready by october we won't be sleeping on cardboard boxes.

Current Mood: tired

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Well it's been a while since I posted. It's been an interesting week

1. Going back to college full time at MCC...this means I'm moving to mesa and getting a part time job and quitting earthlink. On a personal note....the stress relief I've had so far is amazing.

2. I've been dealing with my father alot....he's fucking pushy but I realize now that he does it because he wants to see me succeed.

3. I've delved into my thoughts on one of my friendships and realized its one-sidedness. It's nice to know that sometimes people keep you around because they care, not because it feeds their needs and their selfishness. Friendship is not "what I can give you". Selfishness is such weakness and trite bullshit. I wasnt put on this planet to filter feed peoples' insecurities and fears....I was put here to learn and, given the circumstances, create friendships. It's such a shame when people abuse their friendships.

4. Room mates asked Kevin and I to move out by Sept 1. They realize that we're not good room mates and are very lenient about when I move because I'm a nice guy. Kevin on the other hand is a different story. My old man is funding my rent, bills, and insurance and doesnt want to take care of Kevin (not that I asked if he could to begin with). Kevin doesnt have a job. Bottom line: I'm gonna have to get a 1br1ba apartment and Kevin most likely wont be allowed in on a 2br being that my folks are gonna be on the lease. Problems oh problems


I'm coming to earthlink today to quit....and I'm smiling.

Current Mood: contemplative

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It's nice....feeling sometimes like you provide some sort of service to others.

Current Mood: Sarcastic

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Being in charge sucks....

When I'm here at work taking calls...the day goes by faster.

However today I've taken ZERO calls and have experienced every hour of my 8 hours shift.

help me.

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I just got back from the most annoying fucking meeting. I want to complain about a coworker.....he doesnt have LJ but I think some people know him.....should i?

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I was thinking alot tonight. I viewed some online web cams. I read some journals. I contemplated. I even meditated for a bit after watching the Exorcist.

I've learned that people are only one thing: Who they think they are.

I've taken a good look around and realize that people are naturally so caught up in their self image, that they never stop to peel through the bullshit and face themselves. I've seen a few people spend time lying to themselves (which results in lies to others) , and I've seen people send themselves hurtling down their own gauntlet of bullshit. I could be doing it right now.

Over the years I've been a victim of this type of activity. Believing that I'm one person to ignore a specific set of insecurities and faults of my own...

....I just dont understand why people don't accept the facts and face them. Are we so weak a culture that we can promote how stoic, or peaceful, or godly, or calm, or indectructable, or loving when that nagging at the edge of our soul calls us to face issues that we're not comfortable facing?

....are any of you afraid and dont admit it? Say nothing instead of something....

...are some of you so afraid of rejection that you stand still in place and hope to god(s) that no one notices how nervous you are?

....do you have to promote your self beauty to direct attention away from others' noticing how sad or needy you truly are?

....do you only show one face to the people, you know, feel that they know you inside and out? Do you hide yourself from the ones you turn to for advice? Do you realize that....that advice is flawed when they lack information?

I can list a million more points I suppose. All humans have their own character flaws. Some of these character flaws make them who they are....making it cease to be a flaw but a character trait.

I dunno....

.....I just see so many people wanting so much more, but sacrificing so little to get it. For a moment I thought life was supposed to come to you on a silver platter. I forgot we had the ability to choose and to learn.

....some of these lessons are put aside because "it's tough".

Tough?

.....some of you don't know what tough is.

Current Mood: contemplative

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I saw something today that made my stomach churn...

BIBLE MAN!!!

Yes...the "Christian" religion (remember, not to be affiliated with the Catholics, Protestants, Methodists, Jehovah's Witnesses, Baptists, Racist Redneck Brigade, Mormons, "Pro Life" Abortion Bombers, the KKK, The Nazi Party, The G.O.P., 7th Day Adventists, Jews for Christianity, David Koresh Cult, and last...but not least...the "homesexuality is a sin against god therefore we can ignore the thou shalt not kill thing and kill homosexuals" sect of christianity)...

....yes....the same TV network, er...I mean the ONLY TRUE CHRISTIAN capitalist...er...I mean faith....has produced another great aspect of faith. This one's even better than the POWER TEAM (who can break bricks and 30,000 dollar cars with the power of jesus) and that "I touch your forhead and cast out thine demons" guy with the bad hairpice.

Yes...

Bibleman fights demons and evil villains with the power of faith (or, technically speaking, 6 figures worth of electronics and pyrotechnics...all funded from the collection plate, er, I mean the action figure sales). Granted...faith nowadays comes equipped with laser pistols and lightsabres.

It's a shame that my lack of faith in god doesn't get me a lightsabre and laser pistol.

...then again...it's a shame that since I'm not "Christian" ...I could watch BIBLEMAN instead of get that needed kidney transplant.

On a serious note:

FUCK YOU.

I'm tired of these christians funding entertainment for themselves. When's the last time you saw christians rally to provide a non-christian kid with a transplant instead of run a tv network, fight villains with lightsabres, or flood my television set with an advertisement for a shitty little CD full of "My god is an awesome god" songs?

If there was a jesus..and if there is a god...given that I was raised Catholic I can tell you fucking fools one thing:

GOD DIDNT INTEND FOR YOU SONS OF BITCHES TO CAPITALIZE OFF OF FAITH. YOUR MONEY, SINCE YOU'RE SO CHRISTIAN, SHOULD GO TOWARDS HELPING THE POOR OR SAVING LIVES TO PROVIDE NEEDED FUNDS TO POOR CHILDREN THAT NEED FOOD, SHELTER, AND (oh yeah) BONE FUCKING MARROW.

I think I'm at the point that I want to execute these mother fuckers for the good of all.

Current Mood: amused

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I love the customer that thinks he is smarter than the tech.

Who called who? Stupid fuck can't follow VERY clear and precise directions because he thinks he knows what he's doing....

.....then, of course, blames me for it not working when he wont DO WHAT I SAY!

I still think its a very bad idea to be here today. (Sorry if im flooding your journals)

Current Mood: stressed

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The earthlink way.....

....is to put as much work on the shoulders of as few people as possible...bleed them till they quit...and then hire more monkeys.

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