Good lord, I don't think I've ever been away from here for so long. I did move over to Dreamwidth, but then didn't keep up there, either.

With 3 children and 3 jobs, it's no wonder I don't keep up with my social outlets and obligations. I'm buried. Overwhelmed. Exhausted. At the end of a frayed tether.

I just keep on keepin' on, though. It feels like something between drowning and treading water, actually, and in the past couple of weeks I've come awfully close to having a few panic attacks.

So I'm looking to simplify where I can, and looking for another career path that may allow me to have something resembling a well-balanced life. Right now, it's nothing but work from before sunrise to well after sunset. Something's got to give.

Well, wasn't that cheerful?

In other news, mom and dad are moving out. There's a whole mess of emotional ... mess... there, but they're going to move in with my grandfather, who needs their help more than I do. The boys are going to have a real hard time with this... so will I, but I mostly worry about the boys.

I'm trying to create hope for myself, but almost every day hear the words "I hate my life" in my head. Like I said, something's got to give.

This kid is dedicated. Twice, I've caught him 4 steps up, trying to hurry before I catch him. So for our third child, we finally put up a gate.

He doesn't let that stop him from trying to get into trouble, like reading Siddartha.



Liam likes not the gate. Translation: "Lemme at those stairs!!!"



I've also updated the Summer 2011 album, should you care to peruse...

From Summer 2011

Every night for the past week has been a blur of awakenings as Liam's first teeth worked their way out. He has nursed constantly. I'm not complaining, mind you. Since we're inseparable, it's just been fantastic bonding time. He's been reaching to be picked up for a couple of weeks, but just this weekend he started to wrap his arms around my neck and squeeze.

OMG baby hugs! *dies*

AND! *drum roll* Liam ate real food yesterday. We had a lovely family dinner of salad, steak, and mashed potatoes, and Samuel declared it the best dinner he'd ever had (yes, he's finally overcome his eating issues). Liam tucked into the mashed potatoes with abandon.



Dixon just came up to me and said, "mommy lift your shirt." He's playing doctor, you see. Now he's checked my ears and handed one of my business cards to me, telling me it's my 'scription. His vocabulary is exploding and he's playing all sorts of imaginary and role-playing games.

Two hours later... we've put the crib in our room so we no longer have to break our backs leaning into the cosleeper. I've got my rocking chair back in there now, too, and the couch has been moved up to the boys' room. Clothes have been sorted and all the 0-3 and 3-6 mos clothing has been listed on ebay. And now I'm editing 6000 words with one hand because Liam is (of course) nursing again.

Busy weekend!

One more, because it's so much fun to watch him eat...

A few nights ago, I posted on FB that Liam was asleep in his own bed. That was short-lived. Two hours' worth of short-lived, in fact. He spends most of every night in bed with me, because heaven forbid he should wake up alone. I didn't set out to have a family bed, but I was never opposed to the idea, either. It just so happens that Liam is the first child for whom it seems to be the best option. I'm game for anything that makes life just a little bit easier these days, especially if it means a few more minutes' sleep.

We may start to see better sleep soon, though, as Liam's first tooth made its appearance today. It hasn't broken through entirely, but I can feel and see it. Now if only he'd start eating, we'd be golden. Maybe he's just too busy to eat, I dunno. He was scooching at 7 months, crawling at 8 months, and cruising a week after that. A week after that, he started climbing the stairs. He's good. Scary good. I bet he's walking by Thanksgiving.

He won't eat damn thing. Nothing makes it past that tongue of his - and if it does, he gacks it out. Nope, nothing but mama milk for this boob fan. And he is a fan. Everything I pump, he eats, and I can't for the life of me build up anything in storage. He nurses so much when I'm home that I can't pump extra. It's nuts.

Alright. I just needed to get that down, since I've been remiss in my journaling. Some day my boys will argue over who I loved more, and they'll point to my journal for proof.

I wish I had time to write more substantially, but it's more important to me to get this written down so I don't forget.

Liam has been scooch-crawling for about a month. He is now crawling with his belly off the floor AND he is starting to cruise. He is ridiculously fast and always has to be in the thick of things. He wants to do everything his brothers do (except eat real food--I still can't get him to eat).

Samuel is just weeks away from autonomous reading. His new teacher is working with him on -at words this week and he doesn't seem to need much reinforcement. He had it the first day and has kept it up all week without forgetting a thing. He's awfully sharp, smart and perceptive. He's also very high-energy. I have to work on my patience, because I wind up yelling too much... He is argumentative and I'm trying to teach him to obey us without arguing ("But I...!" and "I will after I..." and "Not now..."). I don't want to crush his spirit, but he needs to get in the habit of obeying first, discussing later. I see it as a matter of safety more than anything else, because his impulses could get him hurt or he could hurt his brothers.

It's just fascinating, watching him grow and develop. He's a really great kid and he surprises me all the time.

Dixon is also sharp as a tack and very, very sweet. We're trying to encourage him to start pottying, but he's resistant. Ready, but resistant. I've started him at school with Samuel, but only 1 day a week. When I can afford to send him 3 days, I will, but for now I can only do 1 day. He loves the new school (he was not a fan of the old one) and asks me every day if he can go back.

They always cheer when they get to play with MomMom and PopPop, though. They went fishing on Tuesday, and Dixon caught his first fish. They've gone fishing again today :)

From My Little Fishermen

Wow, it's almost been a month since I've popped my head in here. That may be my longest dry spell, ever.

( Words in here...Collapse )

Anyway, that was my bit of excitement for the week.

The only other news I have is that I was invited to submit a proposal for a job on Elance (my first ever) and got the job. If the client likes my work, he has 8 more projects in line. Yay for lucrative self-employed business successes! Maybe someday I'll be able to support my share of the household with my editing work alone. Hey, I can dream, can't I?

That's all my news that's fit to print. I'll leave you with a little video entertainment...

I went looking for something in my archives and (predictably and quickly) became sidetracked.

May 21, 2003

Here's what I was looking for: June 7, 2003. That, and the links buried within.

Must pull self from nostalgia vortex. But it's SO HARD!

Today was Samuel's first Tae Kwon Do class. I was so excited for him, and so hopeful that he would enjoy it, and oh happy day! He loved it!

I keep writing and deleting, because I can't find the right words to describe how much fun we all had. The only downside was that Jeff had to work and couldn't be there with us. That broke his heart, I know.

In lieu of words, I'll share pictures!

Samuel TKD

The boys had a fantastic time at the beach. Dixon and Liam both had a little adjusting to do, but by the second day Liam was napping like a champ in the tent and playing happily. Dixon took a little longer, but at the end he was shrieking about leaving the water instead of shrieking when we took him in. Progress! Samuel took to the beach like he was born for it. He was the happiest I've ever seen him, running in the sand and jumping into the waves. Even when the waves knocked him down, he jumped back up, triumphant. We were there for a week and only went beach-less one day, when it was too hot outside and we visited the aquarium, instead. We enjoyed it so well, we went through it twice and were tempted to walk through it a third time.

It wasn't as restful as Jeff and I hoped it would be, but then again, when is anything restful when you've got three children under the age of 5?

And tomorrow, reality will crash back down on me like a ton of bricks. Le sigh.