Making Money

Marshall is my entrepreneur.  He is always trying to find ways to make money. Last year, he sat out on the driveway and sold books that he wrote, and paper airplanes. A few people were so kind and actually bought something from him! This winter, he and the kids next door went door to door asking of the people would pay them to shovel their driveway. I told him he needed to quit bothering people. He must not have heard that part. Yesterday, I found out that he and the other kids were going door to door asking if they could wash people's cars. I asked the kids what they were using to wash the cars. They excitedly turned to Marshall who held up his squirt gun. I busted up laughing! I asked if they had any soap. They told me they were just going to ask the people if they could use their soap. Oh those kids....they make me laugh!

Autism Awareness Month

It is still Autism a Awareness Month. I have a Facebook friend who has posted little snippets about their life with Autism. I've enjoyed reading those posts and feeling like I'm not alone. 

I've posted some things about life with Marshall here and there, but for the most part, I reserve those feelings for a special Facebook group I created for people who have family members with Autism, or who have Autism themselves. It's safe there. People in that group are living with Autism every day. They get it. 

If at all possible, I avoid taking Marshall shopping. It's not a good experience for either one of us. The time finally came where he was out of shorts and T shirts, and I had no other choice, so off we went. 

He has huge issues with the way clothes feel that I knew it would be better to take him to the store. That way he could decide whether or not he could tolerate wearing the clothes.  It was pure torture. I got him back to the boys section of clothes and he grabbed one pair of shorts and said, "These work." He didn't want to try them on. His limit was one pair of shorts, and even that took a lot if coaxing. He hates, Hates, HATES changing his clothes. It is complete torture for him. He doesn't like the way clothes feel. If the shorts have snaps or buttons, forget it! If there are tags, don't bother buying them. If the clothes have seams on the chest area, like in Rugby style shirts, absolutely not!! If they smell funny, look funny, or aren't soft, he won't wear them.

As I made him try on clothes, he got increasingly anxious and upset with each item. He was very near a complete meltdown when he asked if he could just play a game in his head. Like a genius that I occasionally am, I immediately said he could, and that I would play pretend Pirate 101 with him. After that, we checked out and went outside to continue our game. Meltdown more was avoided, and we were able to leave much happier. 

Spell-A-Thon and Asperger Syndrome

I was cleaning up the living room and I just found a paper about Marshall's school Spell-A-Thon. They are raising money to help buy shoes for kids at their partner school in Uganda, Africa. While I think this is such a worthwhile cause, I think Marshall will not enjoy it one bit. (I am in NO WAY trying to bash the school. I am simply trying to help others understand how Asperger Syndrome makes our life different than a typical kid.)

 While I fully realize my children are two very different people, and that not all children are alike, I also understand some of the things that make Marshall different. Sometimes I wonder why I try. I wonder why I keep trying to make people understand. Why can't I just let them think he is normal? I mean, he tries SO HARD to appear normal. I do this because there are other parents out there who are just like me, who have children just like Marshall, who are desperately trying to hold it together. They need to know they are not crazy, and that there is something wonderfully different about their child. Asperger Syndrome is extremely hard to deal with because it seems invisible to others. They act like the parents are just trying to get attention or something. Trust me. This is NOT about me needing attention. I would much rather have a typically developing, silly, fun 9 year old son instead of a boy who still doesn't understand personal safety, struggles with processing information, has sensory issues, and is so very quick to anger. Anyway, here are my reasons Marshall probably won't enjoy the Spell-A-Thon or the rewards that go with it.

Reason #1: When he is put under pressure to do things quickly, he often can't get his brain to process fast enough. For example, they have an awesome math program that the kids can do on the computer to practice their math facts. He gets really upset and hates this website because it is timed and he really struggles to get his brain to process things that fast. He is a genius, don't get me wrong, it's just his processing speed that is slow.

Reason #2: He can't keep track of anything. I get that most kids are distracted little beings, and we have to make sure everything is in his backpack, but that is as much as I can do for him! I can not make him keep it zipped up while on the bus. I can't make him hand in the papers that are in his backpack either. He lost his case for his recorder twice now. We got it back the first time because he left it on the bus. But, so far, it hasn't turned up yet. Ok, so maybe this is more of a reason for me. Why try to raise money, (and I only have one day to get this done mind you) just to have him lose it?

Reason #3: The rewards for raising a certain amount of money are less than appealing to him. Reward number One sounds great actually! If the student body raises $1,200 the kids get a sweet treat. He might like that. He might give his treat to someone else. (Isn't he just so sweet?) That's no big deal in my book. Reward #2 won't be very appealing to him: If the students raise $3,300 they can get a pajama day. Marshall won't participate in Pajama Day because he says kids will make fun of his pajamas. He is SO worried about being made fun of. Poor kid. He misinterprets things kids say ALL THE TIME to mean they are making fun of him. Reward #3 is a sensory nightmare. If the students raise $6,600, they get a students vs staff silly string war assembly. Can you say utter and total chaos? Can you imagine the noise that will go along with that assembly? It sounds like a BLAST, if you have a typical kid. If you have a child who is sensitive to noises like mine is, it is not fun at all. He absolutely HATES assemblies but he won't ask permission to not attend because he forgets, or he doesn't want to be different.

See how having a child with Asperger Syndrome changes the way you look at things? It has certainly changed the way I view things.

Happy Birthday Marshall!

I can't believe my little boy is 9 years old already! This year just FLEW by! He is in 3rd grade this year, and he is doing great! Marshall started off really tiny, but has grown leaps and bounds! Here are a few things about Marshall:

Favorite color: Red
Favorite food: Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Muffins or pizza
Favorite book: Diary of a Wimpy Kid series
Favorite activities: Playing computer/video games, riding his bike, and writing stories

Marshall is my Wild Thing, and I love him! Happy birthday little man! I would never want to imagine life without you in it!

Here is the preface from one of Marshall's books. I did not correct his spelling. It cracks me up!

He loves to write! 

Fate book- 1 – The orphans on Zain 

Title page

Series name- Dungeon exploring

By Marshall Bucklein the first book written by an 8 year old!

Preface

The two mane character’s in this book named, heather age 4 and harry age 9 go on a 20 mile hike in the mountains, they get to the top, they see a purplish blackish thing kinda like a sideways whirlpool! They go home get their dad to drive them there and go in the portal. They find out it’s a dungeon  and head back only to find stairs in the portal’s place.

They go up them and find themselves in the middle of a village. They talk to someone who decides to make them a house there! After a couple months there house is done! They buy a pet dog and talk to a guy who gives them a quest! Find out what the quest is by reading fate book- 1!

My Blessings

There isn't much time to blog, but I wanted to quickly write something. I was reading over my 52 blessings posts, and decided I really need to do that again. Unfortunately, one of my blessings is getting very impatient with the fact that I am not working on planning his birthday party, so this post will be short and sweet.

The last time I did the blessings project, I think it started in November to get us ready for Thanksgiving. Since I'm starting on October 20th, today will be day # -38.

I'm thankful for my husband, Brian. I'm so lucky to have him. He loves me unconditionally. He is a great tag-team parenting partner. When I'm burned out from dealing with the angry blow-ups that come with having a child with Asperger's, it seems like Brian can hold it together and keep going. I do the same when he's the one burned out.

This picture was taken when Brian was my Assistant Cubmaster. We had an awesome time in that calling!

The Lord's Time

Waiting. It's not my favorite thing to do. I tend to want help now. I'm learning though. The Lord is patient with me. I have to learn to be patient with His timing. Easier said than done.

Eight years ago, Marshall came in to my family. Well, let's back up a little more. Nearly 10 years ago, my dreams came true when I married my best friend. I had been married before, but had decided divorce was the only option. When Nate was barely 3 years old, I divorced his Dad. Up until that time, I thought dealing with the death of my Mother was the hardest thing I had been through. After all, I was only 18 yrs old at the time, and I really needed her around. I would not fully realize how much I needed her until much later. Nate has always been a pretty easy going kid. Sure, he has ADHD and was challenging to parent at times (especially when I was a single parent), but really he was pretty easy. I thought I had been given enough trials. I felt like Mom's death and a divorce made me immune, if you will, to any more trials. I was wrong.

Marshall came into this world 7 weeks premature. Patience. There's that word again. That was a scary time. The emergency Cesarean Section delivery that brought him into this world left me flat on my back and in a lot of pain. Pain from the incision and pain from not knowing if my newborn baby would be OK. He did not get to come home for another 3 weeks. The Lord was aware of my struggles and of Marshall's too. He watched over my baby boy, and physically Marshall was (is) fine. He grew fairly on track, but there was always something different about him from the get-go. He was fussier than Nate, not easily soothed, and unlike Nate, was not at all comforted by swinging. In fact, he would cry more if we put him in the swing UNLESS, I swaddled him tightly first. Then he could swing and be happy.

As he got older and started to get to the age where he could crawl, he never got into the cabinets the way Nate did when he was that age. Marshall would open and close the doors over and over. Just open and close, open and close, and never pull anything out. I thought there was something different about this child. It wasn't just the cabinet doors that was different. He wouldn't even attempt to speak at first. He didn't talk late, just later than his brother had. He would sign though. Unless he was frustrated. Then he would just get angry and bang his head repeatedly. To say I was concerned would be an understatement. I was worried. That certainly couldn't be normal. I took him to the Pediatrician and expressed my concerns. He told me, "Don't let him bang his head." Uh...it's not quite that easy.

Sleep was never something we got much of when Marshall was younger. He just couldn't sleep. Literally. We video taped him once. He would sleep for roughly 20 minutes, then he was up and moving around. He wasn't crying, he was just awake, and keeping the rest of us awake too. Certainly THAT wasn't normal. Again, in desperation, I went to the Pediatrician and begged for help. He told me that preemies are strong willed. We just have to be stronger than they are. Needless to say, after that, I changed Pediatricians. The next Pediatrician referred us to a Pediatric Sleep Specialist who immediately ordered a sleep study. The results: Severe Obstructive Sleep Apnea. The recommendation: Tonsillectomy and Adenoidectomy as soon as possible. He was in surgery the following week. It was risky for a child who was not quite two, but the doctor felt like it was a life or death situation. His oxygen levels were dropping so low when he slept that she felt the risk of him dying in his sleep was greater than the risk of a surgery on a child so young. The surgery went well, and his sleep slowly did improve. Unfortunately, his ability to deal with frustration did not.

The next few years were so difficult. We tried to get someone to help us with Marshall's behaviors. We were desperately searching for someone who knew what to do about his anger and defiance. We worried, we prayed, we fasted, and we cried a lot. We knew we needed to get him diagnosed in order to get any help at all. It was hard to do though. Asperger's is hard to diagnose at all, but from what we were told, it's even harder when they are younger (and when your insurance is Medicaid).

When Marshall was about 5 years old, we took him in for yet another set of tests. By now we were very familiar with tests like CARS and Vineland II. We had filled them out for early intervention preschool, for Licensed Social Workers, for the School District...you get the picture. This time, after our initial discussion (before even doing any testing), the doctor told us he was 99.9% sure Marshall had Asperger's Syndrome. We were SHOCKED. For years we had felt that he had Asperger's, but we were always told we were wrong. Well, this time we were right. All of a sudden, we wondered if we really wanted to be right. We had to accept that our child had a neurological disorder. We have come to grips with it. We try to treat him just like we treat his brother.

We thought we had made such a huge breakthrough! After all, we had just found a doctor who actually believed us. We were quite sad to hear that he only diagnosis and doesn't treat the children at all. What good is a diagnosis if you still don't have help?

Fast forward 3 more frustrating, challenging, wonderful years. Now we live in a different state where insurance companies are required to pay for Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA, a behavior therapy). We have a Psychiatrist who manages his behavior, but we are apprehensive about all the meds he has put Marshall on. The Psychiatrist told us that medication will not take care of all the behaviors so we will need to take him to a Behavior Therapist who specializes in ABA. Yesterday was finally our first visit there. It was SO AWESOME!!! Marshall and I met with 2 doctors and a Behavior Therapist at the clinic. We sat and talked about what we've been through, and what they would like to accomplish with him, as well as how they would do it. They want to work with him on frustration tolerance, brushing teeth, getting dressed in a timely manner, turn taking in conversation, asking others a question, eye contact, playing with others, and the list goes on. It is everything I have ever wanted to find for him! I'm  concerned we won't be able to afford it, but we will just do whatever we have to do in order to keep going. This is the answer. The Lord is saying, "It's time now."

What I'm Learning From My Aspie

Marshall has Asperger's Syndrome. It's a form of Autism. I know calling him my Aspie sounds kinda strange, but it is a nickname for people with Asperger's. Marshall is in 2nd grade this year, and will be 8 in a few weeks. He can be the sweetest, most loving kid on the planet, but then in the same minute, something can make him angry, and he flies off the handle. He doesn't TRY to be angry and mean. He just can't handle the big feelings he gets. We are trying to teach him to control his emotions a little better. We are able to diffuse his major angry meltdowns sometimes, which is a HUGE improvement. He struggles to understand what to do in certain situations. For example, a kid at school kept irritating him. Marshall told him to stop, but the kid kept pestering Marshall, and even hit him. So, Marshall did the only logical thing he knew how to do: he followed the Golden Rule, or what HE thought was the Golden Rule. He did unto others as others did unto him. That is how he understood it. The boy hit him first, so Marshall gave him "Payback". We are working hard to help him understand that he has to report to a teacher if he gets hurt, and not hit the kid back. Oh, this is a tough time. He wants kids to like him, but they don't always do what he wants them to do. He has a script in his mind, and if they don't want to follow his script, he gets mad and doesn't want to play with them. He really WANTS to be social, but on his terms. All we can do is pray for guidance on how to teach him, and pray for patience. We need LOTS of patience.