So I had the idea of starting an annual year-end review to be written on the last day of the year. No better place to put it than here, a blog I started as a slightly unhinged 23-year-old.
Of course, I spent all of yesterday reading my old shit. Funny how things have changed. I am for the most part still me but not me – if that makes any sense. Here I am, middle-aged, and none the worse for wear and all I can say to my younger self is, “Relax! You’ll find yourself with zero fucks to give and it shall be the most liberating thing ever!”.
I guess I should start off by giving you, my imaginary audience, a recap of what went down since my last entry in 2014. Here it is:
1. So 2014 was around the time I ended my first-ever semi-long term relationship with a girl. Yes, after spending half my life sweeping it under a rug of denial, I have wholeheartedly accepted the fact that I am gay, gay, everyday gay. This probably merits a different post altogether but for the purposes of this update, there it is. Long overdue, I have officially come out in the same blog where years earlier I declared with a straight face that I was straight. Pun intended.
2. Largely due to my very messy break up that year, I received the following not-so-funny “I’m laughing with you, not at you” Christmas presents from my very thoughtful best friend: a baseball bat and some pepper spray. I will never get into a relationship with a Scorpio again!
3. Which segues into 2015, the year I had my heartbroken so bad, it cemented my gayness firmly into the books of the LGBTQIA. I fell in love with someone at work and got my heart ripped to shreds. This ties into my aforementioned breakup the year before. Again, a long, drawn-out story that merits a separate post. The only thing I can say about that convoluted experience was: A. You can’t write this shit! B. Did I mention I will never date a Scorpio again? C. A lot of growing up and self-discovery happens when having to deal with pain like that. It was an out-of-body experience. More detail to come.
4. 2015 was also the year we finally had enough money fly to New York City! We’ve been talking about it for years. We finally did it – Mae and I. Of course, since then life happened – children (hers, not mine), relationships, jobs, other trips – and we haven’t been back to the Big Apple in 10 years. Maybe in 2027, we’ll see!
5. Anyway, 2016 to 2024 saw a lot of ups and downs – career shifts, health scares, weight loss, a Pandemic, moving apartments, French weddings, bad bosses who railroaded my mental health, anxiety that turned me into a long-distance runner and finally my first full marathon finish ever.
This lands us squarely into 2025. How to sum up this year?
Started off with me in a new job, having narrowly escaped my former boss who was, for all intents and purposes, a toxic narcissist. This new gig left me out of my element, sitting in meetings with my mouth open, trying to make sense of never-heard-of corporate jargon. I remember saying at the beginning of the year, “being here is like watching a movie in Arabic…with the subtitles ALSO in Arabic.”
You can imagine how this would spike my anxiety in ways that make no sense. The thing that no-one ever talks about is that removing yourself from a toxic work environment is only the first step. You will then have to do the brunt work of rewiring your nervous system to not go fight-or-flight over every innocuous meeting invite.
Brunt work that included therapy and long-distance running. Because nothing says free Xanax than a rush of endorphins through your system. Then in February, in an incredible stroke of luck, I got an email saying I won a spot in the Berlin Marathon, September of this year.
Of course, the pressure of having to run a World Major for the first time means I’m going to have put in more work – with a fully-mapped out training block on an Excel spreadsheet. After all the prep work, planning, visa applications, 34 weeks of training and 1,500 kilometers, I caught a fever the night before the race and DNF’d at goddamn kilometer 27.
Isn’t life wonderful sometimes?
To add insult to injury, people wear their medals out and about the city the day after, as is customary on Medal Mondays. As painful as it was, I had to chew it up and swallow it. Maybe someday, I’ll get those fuckers to hang one over my neck. In the meantime, it still was an experience of a lifetime. I will say this, if you want to restore your faith in humanity, go run and hit the wall at a World Major. There will be no shortage of strangers to prop you up when you’re legs stop working. It’s a small consolation but I’ll take it.
After Berlin, we were off to Prague, Vienna and Budapest with my support group who spent the money to fly all the way to Europe with me. I still don’t know what possessed them to do that but I really am grateful. In October we headed home and had the usual Halloween party. Mind you these things get sleepier every year! With Luis heading back to Iloilo in 2026, I don’t even know if there will be another one. Maybe but with crappier decorations.
Last quarter of the year, I’m taking a break from running to nurse a pinched nerve in my spine. Middle age and years of bad posture can do that to you. So, that’s that for 2025 – what an emotional train wreck of a year you’ve been!
On to 2026 and new beginnings! Happy New Year to me…to us…to everyone!
The Forks In My Yard 
