More Reviews...

I had a lot of people tell me they liked reading my last post, so I thought I would review a few more products I've tried! :)

REMEMBER, if you sell it, and I don't like it, this is NOT a jab at you. :)


NuSkin AP24 Whitening Toothpaste-
Ok, I cannot believe I even forked out the 25 dollars to try this stuff. 25 Dollars for ONE small tube of toothpaste?! OUCH. Well, I did. And I used it ALL. And noticed ZERO difference in my teeth. And the flavor is sort of a vanilla flavor, so I felt like my breath always smelled... TMI?

So... NO. I'll just stick to Crest or Colgate for $3.


Jamberry-
I love the idea of jamberry. As someone who goes and gets her nails done on special occasions, and then lets it just grow out for 3 months until it's all gone (gel nails), I'm pretty low maintenance about my nails. But I LOVE having cute colors or designs on my nails. I just don't have time to go to the salon every 3 weeks. Hello, I have 3 kids!
So, insert Jamberry. I bought the whole kit, and 3 sheets of nails for both me and Olivia.
Insertion on me: Fairly easy, although time consuming. I feel like it took me about 30-40 minutes.  Maybe this gets better?
Insertion on Olivia: A NIGHTMARE. It was SO hard to file around her itty bitty short nails, and she hated the heater. It was a fight the entire time.

Now, I will say, they stayed on me fairly well. Probably a week or so? But, Olivia bit them off within a day or two. At least their non toxic?

I've heard WONDERFUL things about ColorStreet. I really want to try them out :)


Maskara-
This one I feel mixed about.
First of all, I'm a super low maintenance girl. Like, don't wear make up MOST days. So, I didn't even know where to start with contouring... (I don't even know how to spell that....)
Well, I liked the idea of Maskara, and wanted some make up for fancy nights, or date nights, so tried it out.
The brush is AMAZING. Best brush I've ever owned. I actually want to try their other brushes now. And I've heard their brush cleaner is awesome too. Seriously, give their brushes a try!
Now to the pallette. If you haven't heard of Maskara, it's a foundation that is actually 4 different colors that you use to contour your face. The make up artist matches your skin with just a picture. Well, that's the part I'm not sure about. I feel like my "light" color is wayyyy too yellow for my face. BUT, if I blend the light, with the dark, and the blush... I end up looking good. So, it's confusing. And, the times I wear it, I always get compliments.... so maybe it's just because I'm not used to that look?
As for learning how to contour, they make it SUPER easy. They give you a guide, and the makeup blends super easy.
Now, I've read how "lightweight" it is. I don't think that AT ALL. I feel like I'm wearing a ton of make up. But, like I said, I'm used to no make up, or just a tinted moisturizer.
I also have noticed if I use it for a few days in a row, I break out. BUT... I Don't wash my face at night. SOOOOOOOOOO take that into consideration :)

Overall, I'm happy with it, but I don't use it enough to justify trying out other products when I like Scenegence make up so much. BUT.... BUY THEIR BRUSHES! :)


Younique-
This one is outdated, and I haven't tried much. So, this review will be short. But, I've tried two of their different 3D mascaras, and hated them both. They clump, my eyelashes fall out, and they dried out FAST. I'll stick to my Loreal $8 Voluminous mascara I can buy at any store. (If you haven't tried this, go now. It's the best.)


Plexxus-
This is also an outdated review. So, please note that. I tried this a few years ago. The Pink Drink- it tastes yummy. So, it's easy to drink every day. And it helped my bowel movements. But otherwise it didn't do anything. And I researched it, and there are actually some scary side effects if taken a long time. So, I replaced my pink drink with my green one from It Works.


Pure Romance-
I'm not giving much detail on this one... for reasons I'm sure you can figure out. But, these products are TOP NOTCH. And awesome. Go find yourself a rep, and spice up that Sex Life! :)

My Experience with....

I have tried ALL the products out there. Any MLM you've heard of, I've probably tried it. Because, hey, I want to support my friends. Obviously.
But, I'm sick of only hearing about the AMAZING results and the magic it does. So, I wanted to write MY EXPERIENCE with these products, and give an HONEST review.

*If you sell these products, PLEASE don't be offended. I am just writing a truthful review on how these products worked for me.*

Monat-

I started using Monat back in April, after trying a million other shampoos for my psoriasis on my scalp. I was super self conscious about my scalp because it was always peeling and bleeding, and HURT and itched all the time.
I started with the Renew system I believe... and it was fabulous. Once I got my hair used to it (2 or so weeks), I finally felt relief on my scalp.
I never had "super soft hair or super shiny hair", but my scalp was healed, which WAS AMAZING!
I also noticed my hair was less frizzy, which was also a plus.
Since then I've tried so many of their products, and my favorites are the Dry shampoo, the masque, and the air dry cream.
Well, just in the last 2 months or so, I feel like my hair has been falling out. A LOT. I didn't think much of it at first. Then, my scalp started itching and burning again. Not as bad as before, but definitely was bugging me again.  I started researching, and found some AWFUL things. So, now I'm scared to keep using Monat. I don't want my hair falling out until I'm bald!

SO, now I have NO idea what I'm going to do. I'll probably just never wash my hair again.

Ok, kidding.

But seriously, very disappointed in the end with Monat.

Lipsense-

I started using Lipsense a year ago, when my friend Marci convinced me to try it. I had never used lipgloss or lip stick before. EVER.
At first, I hated it. It came off within 2 hours, was hard to put on, and felt different than wearing nothing.
But, I liked the way I looked with color on my lips, so I kept at it.
It took about 2 months for my lips to get used to lipsense, and even still, it only lasts 4-10 hours probably. BUT... I haven't had to use chapstick a single day since starting lipsense. My lips are AMAZINGLY soft, and healthier than they've ever been. I may or may not own 20 colors now, and am obsessed. I do think their claims of 12-18 hours of wear is just SILLY. But, it's SO worth it. Also, when I go to the beach, I put on a nude color, and my lips don't get sunburned! It's crazy.

So, I started using their make up back in November...
Tinted moisturizer- AMAZING. BUY IT NOW. Seriously. I have used this every single day since buying it. It helps get rid of the red, it feels like you're wearing nothing and it's WATER PROOF. That's right. When you blow your nose? IT DOESN'T COME OFF!!!!!! Plus it protects your face from the sun. WIN.
Foundation- I like the foundation too, but I feel it doesn't do much more than the tinted moisturizer. I'd rather use that.
Blush sense- Ok, this one, I can't get on board. It's the TINIEST tube ever. And they say you only need a tiny dot per use. But beware, half the time it will pour out when you open it, wasting a ton at a time. I also find it hard to blend.
Shadow sense- This is ALSO water proof! I wish it wasn't in a tube like lipgloss, but I love love love that it stays on ALL DAY LONG no matter what. AMAZING.
Liner- I use this when I don't want any smudging with my eye liner. It burns when you put it on, and it is hard to put on. The brush is hard to use, and makes a TINY THIN line. Just okay in my opinion.

That's all I've tried with Lipsense, but overall, I'm happy with the products!

It works-

Ok, I still haven't tried a wrap, but when I do, I'll update my review.
Products I've tried-
Defining Cream- I noticed zero difference after using it for 2 weeks. Also, it's super slimy and feels gross going on.
Greens (berry flavored)- Love the greens. I don't know what they claim to do, but for me, this product is worth it. I dump my greens into some water, with a squirt or two of water flavoring (I buy grape), and it's easy to drink. It has improved my bowel movements, and I definitely feel more energized on the days I remember to drink my greens. Win!
Confianza- I've only tried these maybe 3 times. Haven't been able to tell a difference. BUT, maybe I need to try this again.....It's supposed to help with stress.
Probiotics- Unfortunately, these probiotics made me so so so bloated. Stopped them after the first pack. I think there are better ones out there :)

Juice Plus-

I was so excited when I first heard about juice plus. Vitamins that have all the daily greens in them, plus other awesome stuff, that kids enjoy?! SIGN ME UP. So, I signed up. And got 3 shipments of gummies, and 3 shipments of shakes. Well, it's now 8 months later and we still haven't opened an entire thing of gummies, and the shakes are AWFUL tasting.
2 of my 3 kids refuse to eat the gummies. (To be fair, Tate is still pretty little)
BUT,
Livy asks for her gummies EVERY SINGLE DAY. And she loves them. ANNNND I have to say, she's the healthiest out of the three kids. Coincidence or not, I don't think there's any harm :)
Jax on the other hand, would rather die than eat ONE of the gummies. Lol.

Paparazzi Jewelry-

Now this is a company I can get behind! $5 jewelry. No matter what.
And for $5, the quality isn't bad!

Doterra vs Young Living-

I tried both of these oil companies. Overall, I like Doterra MUCH better. I like the smells better, I like the company better, and the sizes of the bottles. The only thing I love about Young living is their breathe oil. Its super amazing.
I have like a million oils. And love oils, for some things. They do not replace medicine, and they do not replace antibiotics, but they are great :) Also, if you haven't checked out Eden's Garden... you should! Their oils are high quality and cheap too!

Ok, that's all for now! I'll make another post soon!

When you hit rock bottom, you do what you have to do to get back up............

9/16/16

Have you ever felt so alone you didn't know where to turn? Have you ever had thoughts that you couldn't control, no matter how hard you tried? Have you ever felt so low, even though you KNOW your thoughts don't make sense, you can't get up from that low?

I have.

This is my story, of the worst weekend of my life.

A little background. I've suffered from depression off and on for years. I've always felt ashamed by it, and self weaned myself off of antidepressants after feeling better for a couple of months. I've tried to take control of my depression by myself, instead of getting the help I needed. The hard part is, if I'm feeling ok, or going out in public, I have a pretty easy time faking that I'm happy. I can shove my feelings down for a few hours so people don't notice. But the fact is, the second I get home, alone, with my kids, those horrible emotions take control, and often I lose control of everything.

A couple weeks ago, I started forgetting to take my Prozac off and on. I thought I was feeling ok, and was starting to worry about breast feeding on Prozac, so decided I could probably skip a few days off and on until I weaned myself off of my medicine. I'm 36 weeks pregnant, and miserable. I've never experienced such pain in my life, and it's ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT. So, it's hard to get off my butt and do much, because the more I do, the more pain I'm in, which leads to me being more depressed. It's this vicious cycle of sleep, lay down, cry, feel guilty, pain, etc. It's been awful.  And I know all I do is complain about it to all of my friends and family, so they have got to be SO sick of it.

Thursday my feet swelled SO big I could barely walk. My entire legs hurt up to my knees. The bones in my ankles and feet had completely disappeared. I had also had some major pain and nausea that day, along with a slight headache. I called my doctor, and they told me to keep my feet up for 24 hours above my head. I lost it. Do you know how hard and uncomfortable that is to do? Let alone with 2 toddlers? I broke down. I was SO sick of being pregnant. Here’s the thing… I understand I’m extremely lucky that I’ve been able to be pregnant three times. I’m not comparing my pains and suffering with anyone else’s pains and problems. But that doesn’t change one fact. I HATED being pregnant. 

I started crying and couldn’t stop. I laid in bed, and didn’t move. I cried and sulked and cried and sulked. I was miserable. My feet ached, my back and pelvis hurt, and I just wanted this baby out.

Friday morning came, and I was still miserable. I still couldn’t stop crying. I kept going lower and lower in my self pity party. My kids deserved a better mom. They didn’t deserve to see me like this. Then around noon, I realized not ONE of my friends or family had even checked on me to see how I was doing (including my husband). It made me cry harder. Then, I had a realization: Why would anyone check on me? Nobody cared about me. Nobody loved me. How could they? I mean, all I ever did was complain. Do you have those people in your life that just DRAG you down because they constantly complain? I realized… I was THAT friend.

This realization made me cry and cry even more. This is where my story gets scary. And it is hard to admit what happened.

I started googling. I started having very very very terrifying thoughts. 

“Wouldn’t it be better if I could just get in a car crash, so I wouldn’t have to suffer anymore?” 

“How can I break my own water with a crochet stick?”

“What drugs can I take to force myself into a coma so I don’t have to feel the rest of this pregnancy?” 

And other scary thoughts. Then, I was lucky. I realized that these thoughts were NOT ok. I called my OBGYN immediately. I was hoping to talk to her about how I was feeling, and maybe getting some pain medicine, or up my dosage of my anti depressants. 

This was at 2PM.

At 2:12 PM, Hubby called to check in on me and my swollen feet. I tried to hide that I had been crying, but of course he read right through me. He came straight home from work.

While I appreciated this, it also made me scared. I was still having these thoughts. And as much as my husband loved me, he doesn’t know how to deal with depression. He doesn’t know how to deal with me when I’m down. He gets irritated if I don’t respond correctly, or if I don’t act excited about something, or if I ask him to do something for me, because he already does a lot around the house.  He got home, and the kids were fighting upstairs, while he tried to help by cleaning our bathroom. Of course, I just wanted to scream at the kids to SHUT UP, hide in a dark hole, and never come out.

At 5 PM I still hadn’t heard from my OBGYN. I knew that she was the doctor on call, so decided to call her emergency line. I was so scared to admit what I was feeling, but I was also so scared that I would get into a deeper hole, and do something to harm myself or my baby.

She immediately called me back, and told me I was doing the right thing. She told me no-one would take away my kids. But, I needed to go straight to the ER. I had my best friend take me, because I was too ashamed to have my husband take me.

I showed up to the ER feeling scared, ashamed, guilty, and stupid. I checked in, and saw a nurse. The nurse had me pee in a cup, and took some bloodwork. She asked me some “do you feel safe, have you ever tried to commit suicide, etc” questions. I answered them all honestly. The ER doctor came in about an hour later, and was in my room for a total of 2 minutes. He listened to my heart and asked if I was in pain. Then left. Nobody checked on the baby, nobody told me the plan, and I was left in a small, white room. 3 hours after the doctor left, I was really starting to get irritated. At this point, hubby had switched places with my best friend. I went out into the hall, to try to get a nurse’s attention. She immediately threw her finger in the air, didn’t look up at me, and said “hold on”.

Of course, the mental state I was in, I immediately started crying again. Nobody cared about me or my baby at this hospital. I had asked for Tylenol for my pain almost 3 hours ago, and had gotten NOTHING. I hadn’t heard about my lab results, or even had someone just stick their head in to ask if I was doing ok.

About 45 minutes later, that same rude nurse, came in and just started saying “Allen denied you”… I had NO idea what she was talking about. Who is Allen? And what is she even talking about? I told her I had NO idea what she was saying, that I had no idea what was going on and she rudely left saying she would grab the doctor.

Another 45 minutes, the rude ER doctor came in and explained that the psych ward at this hospital was full. He called Allen, and they wouldn’t admit me because I was pregnant. But, the hospital out in Dallas would take me impatient, in their psych ward. I told him I wasn’t comfortable going 40 minutes away to a hospital that my OBGYN didn’t work at. I wanted him to call my OB and find out her thoughts on everything. I was 36 weeks pregnant, scared, and humiliated. He told me he wouldn’t call my doctor, because the baby isn’t going to come yet.

EXCUSE ME?

How the heck did he know that the baby wasn’t going to come? He hadn’t even made sure the baby was moving, had a heartbeat, or asked about my pregnancy history. I have had both babies at 38 weeks, and have had SUCH a hard pregnancy this time, my doctor thinks he's coming even earlier. I was crying my eyes out, trying to explain all of my feelings about this to him, when he got a phone call, and LEFT MY ROOM.

At this point, I was PISSED. I had been in an ER for almost 6 hours, been treated like dirt, and no one would even consult my OBGYN. It was 1 in the morning, and I decided to just go home. I would call a therapist the next week, and start seeing someone about my depression. My husband agreed, and took me home.

An hour after we left, I got a phone call from the hospital. 

“Excuse me is this Chelsy? When did you leave?”

It took them an hour to notice I had walked out?! What an unorganized ER.

They tried to convince me to come back to the hospital, but I told them I felt mistreated, and was home and safe with my husband. We argued, and the man on the phone kept cutting me off. Saying he was “worried” about my safety. Yet, he wouldn’t let me talk. 

The next thing I knew, the Police were at our door. 

I started hyperventilating. POLICE?! I felt so ashamed and so stupid. We let them in, and they sat down and talked to us. They said that the hospital is worried about my safety, and I needed to go back in. They wouldn’t leave until I called my OBGYN, let her know what was happening, called someone to come and watch the kids, and got in the car. So, off we went to the Dallas hospital.

We checked into the ER there, and they immediately checked the baby. They got me checked in, talked to me, and up to the psych unit within an hour. They were SO much nicer than the first hospital. But, here’s where I started to lose it… checking in. They made me say goodbye to Greg, and gave him my phone. They wheeled me into a small room alone with the nurse.

They immediately made me get undressed and into a robe. They didn’t let me keep my pants on, because there was a string attached to them. (I found it ironic though because hello, the robe they gave me had 3 strings!) They took every single thing out of my purse, took pictures of it, and locked it into a locker. They had me speak with a social worker, to decide where I should stay. She gave me a private room, and I finally got into bed around 6 in the morning. I got little to no sleep for the next 2 hours, because they literally came in and checked on me every 15 minutes. (In a room with no door…)

Finally around 9, they made me come out and eat breakfast. I walked out and looked at the other patients in the hospital with me. There were two that I came by. One was a schizophrenic older male, who immediately came up to me and yelled in my face. Another was a sweet, old lady, who immediately sat down with me at breakfast, and started telling me all the ways she's tried to kill herself.

I ate as much as I could with my head down, tears streaming down my face. I was terrified. I felt like I didn’t belong. I was scared for my safety. I hadn’t had a nurse, social worker, or anyone talk to me. I had never felt more alone.  I did end up finding my social worker, and PLEAD to please let me out. She told me that she couldn’t do that, but she could transfer me to the other side of the hospital. That there are more “minor” cases there, and I would probably fit in better. The reason I didn’t go in there in the first place is because they thought I should have my own room. So, I was transferred, and had a sweet roommate, who didn’t speak much, and stayed out of my way. I immediately felt better on that side of the hospital.

At this point, I hadn’t even told my parents that I was in the hospital. I was so ashamed, and knew they were in Utah, having dinner with my younger brother. I didn’t want to ruin their trip, so kept it from them for over 24 hours. (They did eventually find out, because my mom got suspicious since I wasn’t answering my phone or texts for so long).

That day, a flip switched. I realized, that I couldn’t change where I was, or what had happened. I could only fix myself. For my husband and kids. And for me. So, I started to try to heal. I concentrated on what I needed. On the group sessions, the activities, and the individual counseling sessions. I also asked for some sleeping medicine, and slept A LOT. I think my body needed that sleep. Needed to reset.

After three days of working hard, getting my medicine on track, and fixing my brain, I was released. I had an OBGYN apt the next day, and I was SO embarrassed to see my OB. She walked in, and immediately hugged me, and said how glad she was to see me there. And how proud of me she was. My embarrassment changed to gratitude. I was so grateful for her at that moment. She knew what I needed, and didn’t make me feel bad for needing it. She also told me, that I shouldn’t be ashamed that I’m on medicine. There is a chemical imbalance in my brain, and the medicine FIXES that. It breaks my heart to hear people who are so embarrassed about being on anti depressants. If your doctor diagnosed you with asthma, you would use your inhaler am I right? Well, tell me, what’s the difference? Depression is a scary thing. It’s real. It’s NOT made up. And I had to hit ROCK BOTTOM to realize that. 

I ended up getting induced at 37 weeks because of my awesome OB. She fought with the hospital, and knew for my mental health, we needed to get him out. Then she monitored me VERY closely for any other symptoms of ppd. Luckily, I didn’t have to change any of my medicine, and I was lucky enough to immediately bond with my baby, and have an amazing first year with him. 

Over the last 18 months, I have heard of several friends who have had similar situations as I did with their mental health. And I want them to know, that I’m here if you ever need to chat. I will not judge, will not laugh, and will try my best to help. It’s ok to need help. It’s ok to feel sad. It’s ok to be down. Sometimes we NEED some help to get up again. 

Chelsy

Tate's Birth Story

It all started with my 36 week check up. I went in on a Thursday afternoon, expecting to be checked, and maybe talk about an induction date. Well, my blood pressure was pretty high, and I had some protein in my urine. My doctor walked in to my room, and said "Alright Chelsy, you need to go home, get a bag packed, and go to the hospital so they can monitor you for 24 hours. Expect to be there overnight."

GREAT.

So, I got everything figured out with my kids, went home, packed a bag, and went to the hospital. (Only like my 4th time going to the hospital this pregnancy? HAHA).

So, they started monitoring my blood pressure and had me start a 24 hour urine test. My blood pressure went down after about 45 minutes of laying down in the bed, which was nice, but they still needed to do the urine test. I was hooked up to the monitors and having contractions every 5 or so minutes, but nothing crazy painful.

They came in after about 3 hours and told me that I would actually need to go home, because the floor was completely full and they needed my room for someone that was actually having a baby (I was excited at this point). They told me to be on strict bed rest, and to complete my urine test at home, and come back the next night (Friday), for more monitoring.

So, there started the STRICT bed rest. It's hard to stay in bed other than to pee with 2 toddlers! Luckily I have awesome friends and an awesome mom who helped out A LOT.

So, I did what I was told, and headed back to the hospital friday night.

On the way into the hospital I happened to run into my OBGYN, she came up to me and said to expect to deliver next Friday, unless the tests came back bad today... AH!!!!

Friday night all the tests looked good, so they sent me home.

Monday, the doctor's office called me to check on me. I told them my blood pressure was fine as long as I was laying down (STILL ON STRICT BEDREST!), but I had had a headache since Saturday night. They sent me straight to the hospital again! 

They tried to get my headache under control and gave me 3 different medicines and kept me there all day until my headache was gone. They didn't allow me to eat though, so I think that's why it wouldn't go away! Finally, after the third medicine, it went away and I got to go home. 

The next day I got a call from the office that my induction was scheduled for Friday at 5 AM! I couldn't believe it! I was going to meet this baby bug of mine in just a few days!

Friday morning I got to the hospital at 5 AM and had such an awesome nurse. She got me all checked in and IV in in 40 minutes! (The first time I gave birth it took 2 hours to get an IV in me, and 4 nurses lol!). At 7 AM she finally got the OK to start me on pitocin. I was dilated to a 2, and 25 percent effaced. 

The contractions were coming regularly, but honestly didn't hurt that bad. I'd been having painful contractions for MONTHS this pregnancy, so I wasn't too bothered by it. At 10:30 the nurse came in and explained to me that my doctor was coming in around 11-12 to break my water, and told me that the anesthesiologist  had a C section at noon, so I should probably get the epidural now, if I was wanting an epidural. I decided that was a great idea, even though I was still talking and laughing through contractions.

The epidural went MUCH smoother than it did with Olivia. It was in in 20 minutes, I had no reactions, and I was much calmer than I was with Olivia. Doctor Petrovski came in around 11:45 to check me and break my water. I was 5 cm dilated and 90 percent effaced and my water popped with her just checking me.

Once the water broke, my kiddos came to visit me for a bit :) 

They were getting excited about meeting their baby brother!

Now, at this point I was realizing that my epidural wasn't really working. I could feel pain with every single contraction, and felt EXTREME pressure with each one. I asked for more medicine, since I could completely move one of my legs and was still having a lot of pain. The second dose of medicine helped a lot, and I continued to be able to feel the contractions, but didn't feel any pain. (YAY!)

At 1:45 the nurse came to check me. She said that I was completely effaced, and almost a 7.

20 minutes after the check, I started getting the urge to push with each contraction. But,  I felt like it was probably fine, and didn't want to bug the nurse. Each contraction kept getting worse...

Finally, at 3:15, she walked in the room and said she was going to check me. I was excited cause I really felt like I needed to push the baby out now. She goes into check me and her face looks shocked, and she quickly says she is going to call the doctor cause the baby is coming! She told me to relax and not to push. HA.

The best part of this, was my mom left 5 minutes before I got checked to get herself a diet coke from mcdonalds. I jokingly said "Wouldn't that be funny if you almost missed this birth because you were at Mcdonalds like you almost missed Olivia's birth by being at Mcdonalds?" Sure enough, we got to call her and tell her to be speedy and come back asap! :)

Doctor Petrovski showed up about 20 minutes later, got ready, and I started pushing!

 I pushed one time, through half a contraction. Dr Petrovski said "Oh! You're not going to wait for me are you buddy?" And Mr. Tate was born!!!!!

 We were worried he would need to go to the nicu since he was only 37 weeks, but he was perfect and healthy in every way :)

 Seriously, she is the best doctor ever. I cannot thank her enough. So thankful for her during this hard hard pregnancy.

 Nursing my baby Tate!!!!!!

Tate was born at 3:50 PM, weighed 7.5 pounds, and was 19 inches long. We are all SO in love with him, and know he came directly from heaven and was made FOR our family. So grateful he got here safely!!!

Short little update

Ok, I realize I've been AWFUL at updating the blog lately. So here's a short update:

Pregnancy:
I'm 34 weeks and pretty miserable. The baby dropped, and I can feel it. I pee every 20 minutes even throughout the night lol. It's awesome :) I also get painful contractions a lot! And, I had a blood pressure scare last weekend. It spiked up to 150/107. YUCK.
Since the scare, I've been able to keep it at 135/90 at the max, which is good. I'm just not allowed to be going out for hours at a time anymore. BOO.
Dr Petrovski thinks I'm going to have this baby early. He was already measuring 5.5 pounds at my 32 weeks apt! His head was measuring 36.5 weeks. Yay for big babies :) I'm SO excited to meet this little man!

My best friend Anita threw me a baby shower a couple weeks ago. It was AMAZING. She went all out on the theme (She's ready to POP!), and spoiled me rotten. I had so many great friends come to show me and this little one tons of love. I'm SO grateful for amazing friends! (And my awesome mom was there too of course!)

 The amazing ladies who threw the shower :)

 Even though she's itty bitty compared to me, I love my mommy!

Since this picture was taken, he DROPPED big time. Now my big ol belly is much much lower than this :)

Kiddo Update:

Jaxon:

Jaxon is 4.5 and a superstar. A few weeks ago he was REALLY testing his limits with me. I think he was ready to start school, and honestly bored a lot. Because this pregnancy has been hard, we haven't been able to do as many fun things as we usually do. But, we had a BIG talk about how much I love him, and how I know I'm not as fun as I used to be, but it will be worth it... etc. And he's been so great since. He loves to help out. He loves to be in "charge"

He doesn't nap, EVER, anymore, but he usually reads quietly in his room for 15-20 minutes then gets to watch a show on the couch. He started Pre-K yesterday and RAN into his room without saying goodbye and loved every second of it.

His favorites:

color- light blue

show- spiderman or the croods tv show?

movie- megamind or cars

book- all books. seriously this kid can sit and read forever

thing to play- "trip" or "birthday" (Basically him and Olivia take out EVERY SINGLE TOY we own, pack it in suitcases, and dump them out into a pile. It seriously drives me insane. But it entertains them for hours soooooo.......) or he loves playing superheros

fun fact- Jaxon loves to get himself dressed every morning and comes down VERY proud of his choices. It's adorable

Olivia:

Olivia is almost three! I cannot even believe it. She is SO smart. But on her own terms. If I work with her on ABC's she will stop me after the third or so letter and say, "Ok mom, I'm all done. I know them already" (she doesn't... lol). But she knows every single song out there word for word basically! Over the summer when we were in Utah, I told her I was going to sing my favorite song when I was a little girl to her (A Child's Prayer). The next day she started singing it saying "Mom it's your favorite when you were a kid!!" SO smart. And has a photographic memory. But refuses to learn her letters. She can trace like a rockstar though.

We've now tried potty training twice. The first time we bought a little potty she could sit on that she fell in love with at the store. She immediately peed in it. But, after doing it once, she decided she was done, and wanted to wear diapers again.

The second time we tried to potty train, we put her in underwear, and she kept them dry for over 6 hours. BUT she also refused to use the potty or even really sit on it the whole time.

When I ask her why she doesn't want to wear underwear, she says, "I'm ok, I'll just do it when I'm a big girl after the baby comes" :)

She started preschool yesterday and isn't quite sure about it. She says she missed mommy and cried, but then calmed down. But, she's excited to go again!

Her favorites:

color- Pink

show- Doctor Mcstuffins

movie- Monsters University

book- all books. She is just like her brother and will read books for hours

thing to play- she also likes to play trip or birthday. But she's also obsessed with "doctor" and "cooking for mommy" :)

fun fact- Just in the last couple of weeks Olivia has really started realizing that she is an independent little girl. She wants to put her own clothes on, and do everything by herself. She wont even let me get her out of the car anymore! WIN.

The Never Ending Cycle of Depression

My mom sent me this beautiful new Mormon Message video today. PLEASE PLEASE watch it. It's only 12 minutes, and it is amazing. Elder Holland always knows exactly what to say. So, as I was watching it, and crying my eyes out, I decided I would share a little of my story.

https://www.mormonchannel.org/watch/series/mormon-messages/like-a-broken-vessel?cid=HP_MO_20-6-2016_dPFD_fMNWS_xLIDyL1-A_

Since having Olivia, I have suffered off and on from depression. At first, I think it was post partum depression. I had a hard baby, did not adjust to taking care of two kids well, and had medical issues on top of it. I immediately went on medicine, (gained 15 pounds) and called it good.
I decided after a few months on my medicine, that I was healed and weaned myself off of it.

Right around Olivia's first birthday, my depression got really really bad. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was almost suicidal. I couldn't figure out WHY I was feeling so sad all of the time. I didn't understand what was wrong with me. I had an amazing husband, two ADORABLE kids, and a perfect life. Sure, I was dealing with some personal/family stuff, but overall, I had no "reason" to be feeling this way.
I remember feeling like I wasn't a good enough mom for my kids. Like I wasn't a good enough wife. I was embarrassed FOR my family.

I fought it and fought it, and TRIED so hard to be happy, but couldn't get out of my "funk". No one would have known how low I was most of the day, because the second I got around people, I put on a smile, and faked my way through those awful situations. I was in the last place I wanted to be in. I would have rather been at home in bed.

That next January, some friends and I decided to start the C25K. I am NOT a runner. I never have been. But, it got me out of my "funk", and I started to enjoy life again. Unfortunately, in July, I was diagnosed with some serious health issues, and was told I could no longer run. At the time, I didn't realize that running was the medicine my body needed to stay happy.

In October, I started feeling REALLY low again. I ignored it, and kept pretending to be fine.
One day in November, I woke up and my entire body was burning in pain. I could hardly move. I had never felt this way before. I stayed in bed crying almost all day, until I finally had the energy to get myself to a doctor. He wanted me to see a neurologist, and rheumatologist. I had a number of tests done, and was sent home. It was after I got home, that I talked to my mom on the phone about how I was feeling, when she mentioned to me that maybe I was depressed again.
I called my doctor, and mentioned it, and asked about getting a prescription for an antidepressant. I was embarrassed, and told her that I had no reason to be feeling so horrible. She said something that finally clicked...
She said,
" If you went to a doctor, and they told you you had asthma, and needed an inhaler, you wouldn't think twice about taking it. Well, I'm telling you that you have something chemically wrong in your brain. It needs to be fixed with medicine. Don't be embarrassed about it."
I realized that she was right!

A few things I've learned throughout this whole experience have been huge, and Elder Holland's talk "Like a Broken Vessel" really pinpoints my thoughts on the subject. No matter how perfect someone's life or world looks on social media, you never know what they may or may not be going through alone. Don't judge. The best thing we can do for each other is to reach out, love each other, and show compassion for those around us. I honestly wish that when I was going through what I was going through, I had opened up about it to more. I was embarrassed, and hid it. That didn't help me heal. I also found it hard to turn to Heavenly Father in my time of need. I felt angry at him. I felt so discouraged, I didn't know how he could possibly love me.

One of my favorite quotes from this article says, "So how do you best respond when mental or emotional challenges confront you or those you love? Above all, never lose faith in your Father in Heaven, who loves you more than you can comprehend. As President Monson said to the Relief Society sisters so movingly last Saturday evening: “That love never changes. … It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve [it]. It is simply always there.”4 Never, ever doubt that, and never harden your heart. Faithfully pursue the time-tested devotional practices that bring the Spirit of the Lord into your life. Seek the counsel of those who hold keys for your spiritual well-being. Ask for and cherish priesthood blessings. Take the sacrament every week, and hold fast to the perfecting promises of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Believe in miracles."  

A few months of pushing Heavenly Father out of my life, and not understanding WHY I wasn't getting better, this hits close to home. He had given me no reason to lose hope. He knows me better than ANYONE. He knows my weaknesses, and he STILL loves me. Why would I push someone out of my life who has this kind of love for me? How could I expect to magically get better, if I push the one constant thing I've known and loved my whole life out? When I get sick, what do I do? I ask for a blessing. So, why would this be any different? Depression is a sickness. It controls your mind, and makes you think/believe things that you normally wouldn't. It doesn't mean you are weak. It doesn't mean you should be embarrassed. It doesn't mean there is a reason in your life that is making you feel this way. It's an imbalance of hormones in your brain, and you need help to fix it. Get all the help you can. Medicine, blessings, turning to your Heavenly Father. Make yourself feel better.

I did.

And does this mean that I'll never have another depressed moment in my life? NO. But, I hope next time, I remember where to turn when I'm feeling low.

Pregnancy number 3.

Wow. Where to begin. This has been a "fun" pregnancy so far :)

So, I found out I was pregnant on Super Bowl Sunday. I was only about 3 1/2 weeks pregnant, and was SO excited. Greg didn't see the line on the stick, so the next morning, I ran to the store at 6 AM and bought 3 more tests. Yes. I'm that crazy person.

We had been trying 5 months, and in January I had a chemical pregnancy. So, I wanted to be sure.

So, indeed, I was pregnant! I never took a picture of the other 3 tests, but this was the first test from Sunday :)

I immediately want in for HCG and progesterone numbers since I have a history of low progesterone and everything looked great!

Fast forward a week and a half. I was making dinner, and I started having EXTREME pain in my lower right stomach. I called my best friend and my boss and they both told me that it could be an ectopic pregnancy.

So, I called the OBGYN.

Sure enough, she was worried about an ectopic and sent me to the ER.

I got to the ER, got put on pain medicine and zofran. They took me back for an ultrasound and it went something like this.

US tech: "So, you had a positive pregnancy test?"

Me: "uhhh yes"

Tech: "hmmmmmph"

Tech: "Did you get your HCG levels checked?"

Me: "yeah and they doubled"

Tech: "oh... they did?"

So, I wasn't feeling very confident at this point.

The doctor came in after many hours, and told me that they found a 9 CM cyst on my right ovary. (That was one cm bigger than my uterus at that point!!!!). That was what was causing the pain. He also told me that they didn't find a fetal pole, just a yolk sack, so basically they weren't sure if the baby was going to develop or not.

Remember, I was only 5 weeks at this point.

I left the ER feeling mixed emotions. I was glad it wasn't an ectopic pregnancy, but I was worried about the baby.

Then of course I went and researched about huge cysts on my ovary, and that didn't help either. Basically, there are three things that can happen:

1. it goes away on it's own

2. it gets bigger until it either bursts, or needs to be taken out via surgery

3. it gets twisted, cuts off blood supply, and you can lose the baby, and your ovary.

So, I waited another week and a half until I finally had my follow up appointment with my OB. They looked again, and said it had shrunken to 6 cm! That was great news, because that meant the likelihood of it twisting was next to nothing. They also found a heartbeat of 105! (not as fast as they would like to see though.)

The doctor wanted to see me 2 weeks later to check the heartbeat, and the cyst again.

This is when I decided I wanted to announce. I had told people about the cyst, hoping for some prayers... I also decided that whatever the outcome of this pregnancy, I Wanted to celebrate it and not fear it. So, I announced on FB!

Well, the cyst eventually shrunk, and I suffered through the first trimester. Lots of sleeping, throwing up, and being nauseated. I am NOT a happy pregnant person. I am miserable. Lol. The back pain and pelvic pain started around 12 weeks, and it's been as bad as it was when I was 36 plus weeks with liv. Probably due to the medical issues that I have been diagnosed with after Olivia.

So, second trimester hits, and I start feeling better, but then we get hit with 2 stomach bugs in 2 weeks. It was AWFUL.

I head to my 16 week appointment. They tell me they are going to take blood. I don't think to ask "why?"

I then am told I'm measuring at almost 20 weeks. Awesome, right?! So, basically, I'm a fat, huge, uncomfortable lady, who also feels like she's 36 weeks pregnant. YAY me.

The next Tuesday, I get a phone call from my OB's nurse, telling me they need to talk to me about my blood work. I shudder, and wonder if I'm too fat, and have diabetes or something. I call them back, not knowing what to expect.

Well, she explained to me, that I had a 1 in 29 chance of this baby having down syndrome. A normal person my age has a 1 in 800 chance. Because I had such a high risk, they wanted me to see a Fetal Maternal Medicine specialist and have a detailed ultrasound, along with go over my options.
I immediately started bawling. I called my mom, hyperventilating (Greg was working and I didn't want to worry him...) After my amazing mom calmed me down, I knelt down in prayer, and asked Heavenly Father to comfort me. After that, I knew that whatever was going to happen, I could handle it. And no matter what, I would love this sweet baby of mine.

Surprisingly I stayed calm until my appointment 2 days later. Greg and I went to the apt while my awesome in laws watched our kids for almost 5 hours. I felt calm, and ready to find out answers.
We were given our options, and decided to have an amnio. We were told that 60-70 percent of down syndrome kids actually appear "normal" on the ultrasound. So, while we would have the ultrasound done to detect major issues, we would still have the amnio. The amnio was the only way of knowing 100 percent if baby had it or not.

The ultrasound was AMAZING. It was probably over an hour of seeing EVERYTHING so clearly, detailed, and watching that sweet boy move around like crazy. I've never had such a clear ultrasound. I fell in love with him even more while watching him stretch and cuddle in my uterus.
There were no big markers found, but the doctor told me that my hormones had some red flags in it, that usually marker a down syndrome baby.

Next was the Amnio. If you've never heard of an amnio, basically, they stick a LONG hollow needle through your uterus to take out some of the amniotic fluid to test for chromosome issues. I actually was quite calm. The initial poke hurt, and once the needle goes into your uterus you get a contraction until they take the needle out. Luckily, I've been through labor a couple of times, so this wasn't so horrible. The needle was probably in me for 45 seconds to a minute.

Once we were done, we were told that I was on bedrest for 24 hours. And boy did I stick to that. I didn't get up other than to pee. Livy would come to me and hug me and say "you can't lift me mommy". It was adorable!
We got the quick results the Monday after, and found out that everything looked good! So relieved :)

I am so thankful that Heavenly Father helped me process everything the day I got the call. I cannot imagine having to deal with that news alone. He immediately calmed me, and prepared me for whatever was going to happen.

So, that was about 3 weeks ago that all of that happened. Well, then, this week, I got in a car accident. YAY. My OB told me to go to the ER, but I was SO exhausted from my trip to Utah and the car crash, that I actually didn't... I was feeling him move around like crazy, and wasn't having any contractions or anything.
I had an apt with my OB yesterday (20 week check up), and they took my BP 3 times and it was high the first two times, and a bit better the third time. My normal BP is 105/60 soooooo 130/90 wasn't so great. My OB said not to worry, because I've had a stressful week, but how can I not worry?! I got pre e with Jaxon!

Here's to hoping the rest of this pregnancy stays NORMAL. SHEESH.