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Last night was like a House teaser...
Feb. 16th, 2026 10:36 ammy stomach was *so upset*--although I've always been...kind of the type, the last few times have been more intense. Do not like.
Valentine themed Friday Five...belated.
Feb. 14th, 2026 05:35 pmWho was your first kiss? Not exactly sure, a lot of my milestones were really late, but also clustered within the same year or so. Not sure if it was my roommate's friend or my neighbor.They were both decent in the moment, but kind of bad ideas. Somebody had to be first--I was at the end of my teens.
2. Who is the last person you kissed?Mom and I kiss, but we don't *kiss*, right? If you are talking about the passionate kind, he is on my circle.
3. What is the story of your most romantic kiss?1. At a party, New Year's Eve, even if we didn't go out for a year of weekends after this, still my favorite because it's a movie moment I actually got to have. 2. On a hotel terrace after meeting online friends in real life. It started to rain, not like a Cusack movie poster, but enough that rain makes me think of him often.
4. What is the story of your worst kiss?Either that the year of weekends ended on Valentine's Day, or something shorter and more general: Too Much Tongue, Too Fast.
5. Who do you want to kiss right now?In some ways, I've learned a lot since I was the bookish little thing that was secretly still hot to trot, but it's been a while--I'd be pretty open right now.But I'd love to see my online posse, too.
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2. Who is the last person you kissed?Mom and I kiss, but we don't *kiss*, right? If you are talking about the passionate kind, he is on my circle.
3. What is the story of your most romantic kiss?1. At a party, New Year's Eve, even if we didn't go out for a year of weekends after this, still my favorite because it's a movie moment I actually got to have. 2. On a hotel terrace after meeting online friends in real life. It started to rain, not like a Cusack movie poster, but enough that rain makes me think of him often.
4. What is the story of your worst kiss?Either that the year of weekends ended on Valentine's Day, or something shorter and more general: Too Much Tongue, Too Fast.
5. Who do you want to kiss right now?In some ways, I've learned a lot since I was the bookish little thing that was secretly still hot to trot, but it's been a while--I'd be pretty open right now.But I'd love to see my online posse, too.
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Friday Five...
Feb. 6th, 2026 01:42 pmse questions were suggested by [livejournal.com profile] that_one_girl.
1. What did you want to be when you were a kid? My mom's friend used to buy books for the library. She was also cool so I think I wanted to be her. I also have wanted to be a writer that long so I'm kind of doing it.
2. What is your proudest accomplishment so far?I don't know...I have a few great bylines, but I think I am most glad about helping someone else.This week, it was that I could participate in a crowdfund that kept someone in her home.
3. What is your dream job?Crip!TanahesiCoates, in a cooler city that isn't a drag.If everything had worked out, maybe I'd be some progressive's CJ Cregg.But I'm kind of only a leftist because things *didn't* work out...that version would have different dreams, anyway, probably.
4. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? I don't. Like, at all. I don't see myself dead, either, but I don't see *anything*--it's kind of disturbing.I used to be such a little *planner*. Of course, that was devastating when none of it worked out, but I signed off on it, damn it!
5. What does it take to make you happy? Is it too insufferable to be like Justice Stevens and say "I know it when I see it." Happy is hard, but contentment might be easier. I was very happy watching "Becoming Janr" yesterday, even if it's a big Austen RPF.
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1. What did you want to be when you were a kid? My mom's friend used to buy books for the library. She was also cool so I think I wanted to be her. I also have wanted to be a writer that long so I'm kind of doing it.
2. What is your proudest accomplishment so far?I don't know...I have a few great bylines, but I think I am most glad about helping someone else.This week, it was that I could participate in a crowdfund that kept someone in her home.
3. What is your dream job?Crip!TanahesiCoates, in a cooler city that isn't a drag.If everything had worked out, maybe I'd be some progressive's CJ Cregg.But I'm kind of only a leftist because things *didn't* work out...that version would have different dreams, anyway, probably.
4. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? I don't. Like, at all. I don't see myself dead, either, but I don't see *anything*--it's kind of disturbing.I used to be such a little *planner*. Of course, that was devastating when none of it worked out, but I signed off on it, damn it!
5. What does it take to make you happy? Is it too insufferable to be like Justice Stevens and say "I know it when I see it." Happy is hard, but contentment might be easier. I was very happy watching "Becoming Janr" yesterday, even if it's a big Austen RPF.
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Got to brag a little last night..
Feb. 4th, 2026 11:36 amover my latest upcoming clip, and even more exciting, spoke with some authority about my ideas, process(gotta get one!) and the like.
It was most unusual and a pleasure to discuss without the "Wow, you made that *all by yourself* vibe that has accompanied prior discussions of my stories.
I could get used to that, but probably shouldn't. Will try to carry it with me, though, going forward.
It was most unusual and a pleasure to discuss without the "Wow, you made that *all by yourself* vibe that has accompanied prior discussions of my stories.
I could get used to that, but probably shouldn't. Will try to carry it with me, though, going forward.
Had a fired-up moment last night...
Jan. 30th, 2026 12:18 pmabout pitching one of my essays, like, right now."I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and damn it, people like me."(Well, I'm not sure they do, really. Especially around here.)
But I had a target in mind and they seem like they don't really do personal accounts anymore. So, there goes that head of steam...felt nice for a moment though.But I guess any thought that includes me and"tackling" anything is just sort of wrong. All that wasted, misplaced self-love, bubbling around for no good reason...can a person's ego get blue balls? It's probably from the story and how eager I am to try to prove I'm not some...literary make-a-wish. But, now I feel like I put on makeup to lie down alone. Either I can focus on how pretty it was or what a pain it'll be washing it off the sheets...usually, I admit, I'd pick the sheets because that's just what my life is like,
Maybe it was Jacqueline....it was sort of frustrating when she made me feel good about myself when she was alive, too. Good that we can keep that streak going across time and space!
It's not really that I hate myself *that* profoundly, although I do have my moments. I don't know, the timing would usually be really bad. Like, "Fill out a fellowship application in three days because you can't win if you don't play," bad.(Do I seem like a person that could EVER happen to? Leaving aside the whole can't-be-accomplished on benefits thing, which I don't think she ever understood, where winning that would have closed one door as it was opening another. maybe.) Looks like it still is.
There'll be some contest(that I won't win, either) Or I'll be bored in the heat of summer(Hopefully strong enough not to get a Bluesky) put it up the blog and vaguely remember this little hint of drama.
But I had a target in mind and they seem like they don't really do personal accounts anymore. So, there goes that head of steam...felt nice for a moment though.But I guess any thought that includes me and"tackling" anything is just sort of wrong. All that wasted, misplaced self-love, bubbling around for no good reason...can a person's ego get blue balls? It's probably from the story and how eager I am to try to prove I'm not some...literary make-a-wish. But, now I feel like I put on makeup to lie down alone. Either I can focus on how pretty it was or what a pain it'll be washing it off the sheets...usually, I admit, I'd pick the sheets because that's just what my life is like,
Maybe it was Jacqueline....it was sort of frustrating when she made me feel good about myself when she was alive, too. Good that we can keep that streak going across time and space!
It's not really that I hate myself *that* profoundly, although I do have my moments. I don't know, the timing would usually be really bad. Like, "Fill out a fellowship application in three days because you can't win if you don't play," bad.(Do I seem like a person that could EVER happen to? Leaving aside the whole can't-be-accomplished on benefits thing, which I don't think she ever understood, where winning that would have closed one door as it was opening another. maybe.) Looks like it still is.
There'll be some contest(that I won't win, either) Or I'll be bored in the heat of summer(Hopefully strong enough not to get a Bluesky) put it up the blog and vaguely remember this little hint of drama.
Decent Day On The Phones Last Night...
Jan. 29th, 2026 02:15 pmso of course the new story for workshop seems...slow at first glance.
(Will really dig in tomorrow. Maybe just a bad beginning, though my own writerly struggle is always endings and I can start things all day. writing is the most fun for me before you have to, you know, live with what you decide and make the mosaic fit together.)
(Will really dig in tomorrow. Maybe just a bad beginning, though my own writerly struggle is always endings and I can start things all day. writing is the most fun for me before you have to, you know, live with what you decide and make the mosaic fit together.)
Tarot Prompt...
Jan. 21st, 2026 02:15 pmI cursed whatever “keen detective instincts” led me to this bargain palmist, even if I had made a new resolution to follow where my excitement led, at least when I could. I begged Brian to come with me. “It’s good practice,” I coaxed. “in case this non-working shit goes on for a while. Filling your days and all that stuff.”
“Christ…I’m not going to be laid up that long.”
Nobody could really know that, but abled people, especially American men, never wanted to hear it. I left the words on the tip of my tongue where they belonged and tried wheedling again. “I might make an idiot of myself—you wouldn’t want to miss that.”
He didn’t, and off we went. The place was hidden away in a strip mall and a bell dinged over the door like it was a spooky convenience store. The tarot reader was young and dyed-blonde, surprisingly efficient for someone in the spirit realm. For a moment, I’d trade my future for the crisp twenty I handed over, but I was here now. Best to have the experience.
The medium turned over one card. “The Empress is a strong sign of fertility.” She looked over from me to Brian, and I blushed as if I were in junior high and she had my handwritten diary.
“Oh, we’re not…he’s married. To someone else.”
Maybe the medium rolled her eyes a little. “The images aren’t often literal. Also could mean creativity and that kind of thing.”
“Christ…I’m not going to be laid up that long.”
Nobody could really know that, but abled people, especially American men, never wanted to hear it. I left the words on the tip of my tongue where they belonged and tried wheedling again. “I might make an idiot of myself—you wouldn’t want to miss that.”
He didn’t, and off we went. The place was hidden away in a strip mall and a bell dinged over the door like it was a spooky convenience store. The tarot reader was young and dyed-blonde, surprisingly efficient for someone in the spirit realm. For a moment, I’d trade my future for the crisp twenty I handed over, but I was here now. Best to have the experience.
The medium turned over one card. “The Empress is a strong sign of fertility.” She looked over from me to Brian, and I blushed as if I were in junior high and she had my handwritten diary.
“Oh, we’re not…he’s married. To someone else.”
Maybe the medium rolled her eyes a little. “The images aren’t often literal. Also could mean creativity and that kind of thing.”
For an old prompt: keys
Jan. 16th, 2026 11:27 amShawn's eyes almost lit up as he saw the unattended keys gleaming among the hoarderesque piles of papers and stuff. Sometimes he really did feel that he had a special gift, even if it didn't come from the spirit world, since he could expect to be distracted by Jules' strawberry shampoo. He could tell it wasn't a real robbery, but an inside job. The "psychic" took a deep breath and waited. The secret to this bit was the pause(also that Shawn guessed it was the skeevy stepson.) His dad would have said that Kato Kaelin Junior had a bad attitude, and though it killed him, personally, and made him feel like a generation traitor, he had to agree.
Maybe.(I'm not really clear on some of the rules since my dad retired and I get the retirement amount of Social Security, but it also stinks that SSI is so punitive, since the people on it got disabled younger and/or don't have much work history...that's mean, not protective, in my opinion of course.) After trying to drag through a bill that raises asset limits for years, I thought about it one day: Like, fuck the asset limits. (showing off that big policy brain and keen ear for messaging that have made me obscure) Give everyone the retirement amount once they show that they are disabled...it's not princely, but it could meet a modest nut. Which is supposed to be the point of all of that, not some game where you see how much they let you lie.(and, you have to because the amounts are too small for an honest life with any pleasures in it.)
Instead, they create accounts so that teens and twentysomethings can Save Up For College, because tell me again how school fixes everything.(I don't actually know that I know anyone who does this, but I'm too old and haven't mentored in ages. Maybe it rocks. Still seems a bit convoluted.)
Which brings me back to my title and how there is a certain irony in how many fundraisers my activist, yet SSDi- having ass gets invited to. I mean, I don't exactly need them to "give me money"--I had gifts from the holidays and I like contributing, but it does feel like the consideration flows in the wrong direction sometimes.
Instead, they create accounts so that teens and twentysomethings can Save Up For College, because tell me again how school fixes everything.(I don't actually know that I know anyone who does this, but I'm too old and haven't mentored in ages. Maybe it rocks. Still seems a bit convoluted.)
Which brings me back to my title and how there is a certain irony in how many fundraisers my activist, yet SSDi- having ass gets invited to. I mean, I don't exactly need them to "give me money"--I had gifts from the holidays and I like contributing, but it does feel like the consideration flows in the wrong direction sometimes.
Another long-lost prompt...
Jan. 14th, 2026 11:29 amfor "knots", which might have been different, further from the holidays.
She pulled at the ribbon of the small, compact package, that kind of put up a fight. Looking at the shiny blue paper and the neat wrapping job(She couldn't see any tape!) she wondered why the knotted ribbon that someone had fluffed up and made fancy, was green instead of white or silver, which seemed like the logical, stylish choices someone at the store might make. "Wow, good things come in small packages." For a moment, her cheeks got hot, because they'd just taken things to the next level recently, and she hoped he didn't think...well, never mind. In one of those moments of partial telepathy that she might have been glad had skipped a beat, he said "I got you a green one because it's your favorite color."
She pulled at the ribbon of the small, compact package, that kind of put up a fight. Looking at the shiny blue paper and the neat wrapping job(She couldn't see any tape!) she wondered why the knotted ribbon that someone had fluffed up and made fancy, was green instead of white or silver, which seemed like the logical, stylish choices someone at the store might make. "Wow, good things come in small packages." For a moment, her cheeks got hot, because they'd just taken things to the next level recently, and she hoped he didn't think...well, never mind. In one of those moments of partial telepathy that she might have been glad had skipped a beat, he said "I got you a green one because it's your favorite color."
For a long-ago challenge: PLACES
Jan. 12th, 2026 10:35 amI'm not sure why, looking at that old discussion thread, "Places" seemed hard to write. Maybe I'm just looking back and making a big deal of a tough morning--it happens. That doesn't explain why, as I was looking back, it was as if a still, small voice in my head, thinking in full sentences as I almost never do:
"You can't do places because you've never had one."(Which is a thought I was trying to keep from everyone, back then,including myself, but especially my spiffy new(ish) virtual friends. The thing about an oasis is trying to make it just about the fun parts, not the fact that there are doorways in your own house that you don't fit through--I don't really need them, but that's not always the point.
Freud, who definitely had his own problems, would say it's about "love and work", but unless you grade on a very generous curve...well, I've had a lot of scraps, okay, made my share of collages, but I can't say, on either front, that I've ever had anything to sink into(whether or not that's a real thing or not, anyway, like Snot from The Wire, I've never really gotten to play along) Never had a spot where things are okay because I'm there. Not since I was lap-sitting size, anyway, and there are limits to how far back I want my time-warp to go, even as I sort of wish my friend Steph were still waiting for this overly-long attempt, and I wish I could be like my old self and see a future with my half-mordant, half-cheerful stamp on it.(That old self wants me to further break word count to assure us all "Hey, it could happen!" and I'm writing that because I probably owe her, but I'm pretty sure I don't believe that anymore.) Maybe just typing it is good for me, though.
"You can't do places because you've never had one."(Which is a thought I was trying to keep from everyone, back then,including myself, but especially my spiffy new(ish) virtual friends. The thing about an oasis is trying to make it just about the fun parts, not the fact that there are doorways in your own house that you don't fit through--I don't really need them, but that's not always the point.
Freud, who definitely had his own problems, would say it's about "love and work", but unless you grade on a very generous curve...well, I've had a lot of scraps, okay, made my share of collages, but I can't say, on either front, that I've ever had anything to sink into(whether or not that's a real thing or not, anyway, like Snot from The Wire, I've never really gotten to play along) Never had a spot where things are okay because I'm there. Not since I was lap-sitting size, anyway, and there are limits to how far back I want my time-warp to go, even as I sort of wish my friend Steph were still waiting for this overly-long attempt, and I wish I could be like my old self and see a future with my half-mordant, half-cheerful stamp on it.(That old self wants me to further break word count to assure us all "Hey, it could happen!" and I'm writing that because I probably owe her, but I'm pretty sure I don't believe that anymore.) Maybe just typing it is good for me, though.
First Friday Five Of 2026
Jan. 8th, 2026 01:03 pm. Do you have a favourite cause that you support? Yes, I have a lot...mostly, these days they involve the left wing of the Democratic Party and trying to bring it back to its roots and all that.
2. If so, how do you support it? Money, and many, many phone calls. I've pulled back a little, though, both for logistics and because it can eat up my life if I let it. Which would be one thing,if I, say, met my husband doing that stuff and it was, you know, us and our shared obsessions against the world, Jane-and- Bernie style, but my personal identity just suffers if I dive in too deeply.(And, no, it hasn't really turned out to be a great way to get a date because "You'd have so much in common." I was hoping, but not so far. For bohemians, everyone seems to be super-attached. blah. Although I guess if I ever did meet someone, I wouldn't have to worry about movement work messing up our longevity? Dig me, with the heart half-full for the next twelve minutes. I could still meet somebody! Like the peach that's still fresh...if you eat it *right now*)
3. Have you been an active member of an organization (attending meetings, volunteering, etc)? Probably the most unusual answer to this question involves the few ADAPT actions I went to, but I got sick from the plane--never flying again without a mask--and I promised my mother I'd stop, as I infected my everything. I still talk up the fact that I did it though.
4. Have you ever led any group? Does it sound like I ever led any groups? I've been on several advisory committees and people don't take my advice.
5. If so, how was your experience with it?
OR: 5. If not, why, is it a conscious choice, of lack of opportunity?Yes, both.
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2. If so, how do you support it? Money, and many, many phone calls. I've pulled back a little, though, both for logistics and because it can eat up my life if I let it. Which would be one thing,if I, say, met my husband doing that stuff and it was, you know, us and our shared obsessions against the world, Jane-and- Bernie style, but my personal identity just suffers if I dive in too deeply.(And, no, it hasn't really turned out to be a great way to get a date because "You'd have so much in common." I was hoping, but not so far. For bohemians, everyone seems to be super-attached. blah. Although I guess if I ever did meet someone, I wouldn't have to worry about movement work messing up our longevity? Dig me, with the heart half-full for the next twelve minutes. I could still meet somebody! Like the peach that's still fresh...if you eat it *right now*)
3. Have you been an active member of an organization (attending meetings, volunteering, etc)? Probably the most unusual answer to this question involves the few ADAPT actions I went to, but I got sick from the plane--never flying again without a mask--and I promised my mother I'd stop, as I infected my everything. I still talk up the fact that I did it though.
4. Have you ever led any group? Does it sound like I ever led any groups? I've been on several advisory committees and people don't take my advice.
5. If so, how was your experience with it?
OR: 5. If not, why, is it a conscious choice, of lack of opportunity?Yes, both.
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I Don't Belong Here...
Jan. 8th, 2026 12:27 pm(Here in Phoenix, not on Dreamwidth) but I went ahead and sent the op-ed to the newspaper. Which they will probably ignore because "I've lived here my whole life and I'm like a disease,"(I'm quoting "Sixteen Candles" here--people do kind of let fly about what's wrong with me in general, but nobody really said that!)
I wonder if it would be worse knowing there is somewhere I *could* fit, but that it would be really hard for me to ever get there. OR that I have given life so much side-eye over the years that I'm just...permanently outside and there is no real place that is, you know, *my place.* People don't like me here unless they've got thankless volunteer commitments to hand out.(I do try to help, but I can't always keep up, and anyway, that's not what they meant on Law and Order when they talked about Ties To The Community, I don't think.)
Even the whole "online tribe" thing feels like it's breaking down a bit. Which is probably inevitable, given that one doesn't stay a wide-eyed rookie who can't believe her luck forever(and my whole twitter list broke up... I still think I'm glad I didn't hobble over to bluesky and start being the same fool twice(probably three times, really) by reconstructing something that can't be rebuilt.
I wonder if it would be worse knowing there is somewhere I *could* fit, but that it would be really hard for me to ever get there. OR that I have given life so much side-eye over the years that I'm just...permanently outside and there is no real place that is, you know, *my place.* People don't like me here unless they've got thankless volunteer commitments to hand out.(I do try to help, but I can't always keep up, and anyway, that's not what they meant on Law and Order when they talked about Ties To The Community, I don't think.)
Even the whole "online tribe" thing feels like it's breaking down a bit. Which is probably inevitable, given that one doesn't stay a wide-eyed rookie who can't believe her luck forever(and my whole twitter list broke up... I still think I'm glad I didn't hobble over to bluesky and start being the same fool twice(probably three times, really) by reconstructing something that can't be rebuilt.
Crossposted from the blog...
Jan. 7th, 2026 02:01 pmhttps://bohemiancrip.blogspot.com/2026/01/government-small-enough-to-fit-in-your.html
Really, it started with a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Really, it started with a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Because I'm, you know, slow to adopt, a lot of what I'm still doing on streaming is catching up with what excited my friends two or three years ago. THat's okay, I've had stuff to do, and if my attendants weren't generous, I'm not sure I'd have ever seen some of these things anyway. Last night, I finish a movie and finally find one of the more buzzworthy and award-winning offeringsthat recently ceased production and cried about it on all the magazine shows and yada, yada. So, like, I missed pretending that I and my friends in different states are hanging out on Saturday night with Mrs. Maisel in real time or whatever--that whole "Under the same big sky" Fievel thing, which binging makes moot anyway, I suppose, but, whatever, at least maybe I get to see all that I missed. Right?Ep one, scene one, potentially such a thrill. Except one of the hugest companies in the fucking universe only has space or time or...whatever for Seasons 3 through 5. And it's fucking *theirs*I'm a big grown-up lady and a storyteller myself. Like, I'll figure it out, right? Maybe even imagine something as good or better to fill in the gap. (Or they put it back one day...who knows?) But even without writing for them, I think it's disrespectful that these places treat "content" like leftovers that get pushed to the back of the fridge. My TV dream wasn't gonna come true anyway I suppose, but here's another place where, even if it had gotten closer, it still wouldn't have, anyway.(So, aren't I lucky? Nope,still can't make that one fly--worth a shot, though.)
Asking For A Do-Over
Jan. 3rd, 2026 10:53 amMy New Year has not started auspiciously...digestive freakout, slowly back on solid food.
So, here is footage of the Flagstaff pinecone drop.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/XdnJfXv0Yng
So, here is footage of the Flagstaff pinecone drop.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/XdnJfXv0Yng
The internet's still super-quiet...
Dec. 28th, 2025 02:05 pmpeople are still trickling in from their holidays, I guess. Kind of a lonely feeling when your festivities are the same few people...kind of doing the same stuff. But it was okay.
Skipping the last zoom of the year to finish a writing sample for a workshop I picked as a gift that starts 1/20. I don't have to be done till 1/11, but I get tired of all the Zooms anyway...a few times a month is more than enough.
Reading a fascinating book about LA in the 1960s...it's something of a tome and I'm on page 34, but it seems promising so far!(Wishing it wasn't quite so physically huge so I could take it around, but if that's my biggest gripe then that is truly a great book, right? But I'm not going to overfill the office again.
Skipping the last zoom of the year to finish a writing sample for a workshop I picked as a gift that starts 1/20. I don't have to be done till 1/11, but I get tired of all the Zooms anyway...a few times a month is more than enough.
Reading a fascinating book about LA in the 1960s...it's something of a tome and I'm on page 34, but it seems promising so far!(Wishing it wasn't quite so physically huge so I could take it around, but if that's my biggest gripe then that is truly a great book, right? But I'm not going to overfill the office again.
The expensive pears are worth it...
Dec. 18th, 2025 04:43 pm(a tiny offering for my goals against self-denial and *for* trying new things.)Even though I'm hoping my next attempts are more exciting, every little bit helps.
Overall, I've undervalued the humble pear.
Overall, I've undervalued the humble pear.
