| Woo! |
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| 08:44am 05/04/2005 |
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I'm getting the same amount of milk now that I did at 4am! This is really good news. |
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| freezing my tits off |
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| 04:16am 05/04/2005 |
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IT's really cold and it's past 4am. I'm expressing after bottle feeding Max..
The weekend was pretty discouraging. nothing much seemed to be happening, and I couldn't tell if the fenugreek was working or not. But when I talked with Sam, he asked when I would decide I'd tried my best - not in a horrible way. I think he wanted to help me set a goal as to what would be my best, so I'd have something to aim for. I told him I didn't want the easy out this time. I need him to encourage me to keep going when it gets too much. He nodded, and said he needs to tell me to drink more water and experss more often - I agreed. If he could remind me, that would be very useful.
Monday was more encouraging... I thought I had lost the dummy at IKEA, and so attempted to breastfeed Max for comfort in front of all the AP mama's... I was pretty nervous, but knew they wouldn't judge me. I was right, and Max went on fine! And fell asleep!
Better yet, my berasts actually felt a little full, like I needed to express! I didn't get much of a chance to do it yesterday because we were out so long. And now, at 4 am, I am getting the most ever out of my left breast! I am so excited to see a puddle of milk in the bottom of the bottle! The right side isn't doing so well.
Ah well, I'll keep at it though :) More fenugreek before I go back to bed.. ABA meeting on wednesday, and lactation consultant Friday...
Michelle |
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| More milk! |
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| 07:15am 01/04/2005 |
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Well, yesterday was a pretty blah day in terms of using the pump etc.. I didn't use it as much as I should but did breastfeed Max a bit... so, all in all a bit of an average day..
I'm making up for it though - I did one late last night, and am doing one as soon as I got up this morning. I'll make the effort to come back every two hours...
There is more milk though despite my average day! The fenugreek tablets... well, I dunno if they are doing anything. I might go to 3 tablets, 3 times a day.
Anyhow, start of a new day - anything is possible! |
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| Relactating 2 |
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| 08:48pm 30/03/2005 |
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OK, so I am at the end of day two in terms of relactating..
I'm still taking the fenugreek tablets - I think I can feel a difference in the way my boobs feel. More.. soft all over and heavier. I've been expressing and getting Max to feed as much as possible, and have hired a double breast pump. I've used it once. It's kind of bizarre, very much cow-like. But if it works, it works.
I've also booked into a lactation clinic for Friday week (April 8th). In other words, I am doing everything I can to get this to work, and just need a lot of home time to devote to pumping and feeding. That will be really hard for me.. I am very much an "out and about" kind of person.
I'm surprised at how important this is to me.. I still feel kind of half hearted about it, but find myself going the extra mile without really thinking about it.. like driving for an hour to get the pump today...
I guess subconsciously, it really is a huge deal for me. I want this to work - it's my last chance to breastfeed, as we won't be having more kids. It's kind of sad in a way, as Max is having all his firsts, it's also a 'last' in a way for me.. the last time I see THAT first, if you see what I mean.
He's an awesome bubba, I love the way he smiles.. today he fell asleep after suckling, and that really affirmed why it's so important..
Anyhow, I'll keep at it! Oh, more drops than two days ago, but no sprays yet! |
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| Relactating... |
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| 10:13pm 28/03/2005 |
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mood:  but happy
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Well, today I made the decision to try to re-lactate. This means I am going to try to increase my milk supply enough to breastfeed my third child, Max. I have baerly any milk at the moment. Max is 8 weeks old tomorrow.
I did try breastfeeding when Max was born. It was a mission. My milk didn't come in til after day 5.. by which time I was a blubbering mess from hearing him cry for a feed, and sleep deprivation. Bad times. After lots of thought and discussion, I tossed it all in and went to bottle feeding. Our house was a much place to be.
Bottle feeding has its place. It is a valid choice. Breast is best however, in terms of nutrition, and mother/baby bonding.
I return to work in about 4 weeks and I hope to have a well-established milk supply by then. I am lucky on several accounts - Sam, my husband, is a stay at home dad, so I have lots of help at home. And, Max prefers the breast, even though he feeds from the bottle. So no nipple confusion. His latch could be better, but I think that will improve.
So, how am I going to relactate successfully? I am taking fenugreek tablets - 2 1000mg tablets, three times a day. I will also find blessed thistle, and take that as well. I am drinking more water - I am really bad with this normally, so this takes conscious effort. Cutting back on caffeine - I still have decaf in the house. I spent the afternoon napping with Max, encouraging him to feed, and have offered the breast to him 5 times since... I also pumped a little tonight before writing this journal, and will pump manually often.
I've also subscribed to the aba - http://www.breastfeeding.asn.au and have ordered some booklets.
And contacted a member of the ABA I know here in Werribee, asking for meeting information.
I talked it over with Sam, he will support me. So.. here goes. This is my last chance to get breastfeeding to work, and I really want this. This year, I am determined to stick at things until I suceed.
Happy Easter all!
Michelle |
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| Long time, no blog |
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| 04:01pm 24/09/2003 |
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So it's September. Footy season is over for Sam, so no more weekly waits to see if the rest of the weekend after the Bombers play is Sulky Sam or Happy Sam..
Aidan is cool. Doesn't talk much, but he understands everything. Very busy little guy, and really happy putting things together and experimenting. He goes to bed much more regularly these days - 7:30 or so, and I'm always out of the room by 8. Same with Eve, though she takes more convincing. But, it's given me some free time which I am now getting used to. I waste the free time though by playing crap games, like Civilization 3. I need a life!!
Evie is awesome - she turned 1 back in August, and she's just the cutest girly girl around. So girly! Someone gave her a handbag for her first b'day. Pink with fluffy bits on top. She loves it .. puts her dummy (pacifier)in there, and then collects things like Aidan's cars.. walks around the house with the bag. Too cute.
Life in Melbourne isn't so bad, but I am hanging out to return to Wellington. It's a while a way though. I dream about all the good things I can do when I get back to Wellington - go shopping with my sisters, go to the round tree, go vinyl shopping, Eva Dixon's, get a facial with my sisters, hang out with friends.. so muhc stuff I can't do here (because I'm friendless, not because you can't do this stuff in Melbourne!!)
Work remains crap. But I no longer care. I mean, I really _don't_ care. Not that "well, fuck you too" don't care attitude but more like "oh, right, ok sure - I think that's stupid, but whatever. You're paying for my time and I'm leaving at 5".
of course, I'd rather be somewhere where I gave a shit... but I'm not too enthusiastic about the job market right now. Going to get me some certifications .. although I am ITIL certified... want CCNA + MCP + ??? I dunno. So, have to look into that next month when I know what training budget is available..
I won't be back in Wellington for ages. Last trip was a complete disaster. Won't relive the trauma by going into it here!!
So anyway... I'll waste another hour at work and then head home..
Later skater |
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| 03:52pm 03/02/2003 |
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I'm 28 today. My face doesn't look any older though - maybe just tired. But that's nothing new.
Haven't posted in a while... what's new? Well, someone I used to be great friends with, and then got all hissy with finally contacted me again. I'd been thinking about him a lot, but there was no way I was going to be the first to make contact with. Childish, really. So, anyhow, he's in Switzerland doing cool things... and it was really awesome to hear from him again. If you read this, the cool misfit from Rotorua, I love you and you suck. :) You're too important to lose. Guess I should contact you again, huh?
Also, I heard from another friend I haven't spoken to in a few months.. Spiro. Sounds like he's moving in with his partner Tanya, which is just way cool.. sounds like love abounds. Gotta love that stuff.
Plus, another friend is getting married in a couple of weeks, back in Wellington, and I'm heading home for that. Peter means a lot to me, and I'm just really looking forward to meeting his chosen, Caroline. She'll be a great person, I'm sure.
Kids are kids - love them. Aidan has so many teeth popping through that it's just not funny. Must hurt like hell, because I'm in sleep deprivation hell at the moment. Eve cut her two bottom front teeth, and they are cute - just two tiny white lines on her gum. She grins a lot, and can move around. She's 6 months on Saturday... She's really mischevious though. Last night, Sam brought her to bed, all asleep, and cute. He put her gently on the bed, and started to tip toe away... so she grizzled and moved about and finally settled so Dad could leave the room. I was already in bed, but I wasn't going to let Sam go without getting Evie to sleep properly. But as soon as Sam left the room she lifted her head up off the mattress and grinned at me around the dummy. Sam was pissed off because he'd spent ages trying to get her to sleep... I couldn't stop grinning back, so let her crawl round the bed... she ate the corner of my laptop though!!
Well, other than that, work sucks. Still. I'm talking with HR again though and they've already spoken with my managers. I don't know how that went, and I am expecting to get some feedback that they aren't too happy with me either. The relationship is not good on either side of the fence. I'm going to force a salary/position review though. I don't think I get the respect and trust that I deserve because my current managers haven't been around along enough to know the history of my employment. Short story is that when I started I was responsible for 25 people, plus 1 remote site in NZ, of 5 people. I now look after up to 120 people across 9 sites in Australia and NZ, across 3 time zones, and do server/network support along with projects. So, dammit, gimme the recognition I deserve!
I'm really tired.
I did a course last week, called Service Management Essentials. It's in ITIL methodology - check out www.itil.co.uk for more info. I sat an exam, and will find out the results in a couple of weeks. If I pass, I will finally have a professional certification, is Service Delivery. Woof. Those of you that know me will know what a nut I am about Service Delivery Management. I hope this will lead me back towards that stuff now..
Well, gotta bail. Work and all that |
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| 09:25am 10/12/2002 |
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Urgh.. before I get started at work.. thought I might post here.
Life at home has been up and down.. the kids are doing great, and Eve is laughing. It's the best thing in the world to hear a baby laugh. Aidan is building high towers of duplo, which is pretty advanced for his age, so I'm currently a proud parent. Though he doesn't talk much yet.. but hey, win some, lose some.
Work sucks. I hate the actual job, and now my management team suck as badly. Then there are the clients. Its all round badness right now. I hate it - I'm pretty depressed because of the job... I put a lot of my care and effort into my work, and it now feels like it was for nothing. Grrr.. might as well piss on a post and bark at the moon than put effort into this place.
Blah.. not going to get into too much more at this stage. I'm having a lot of trouble adjusting to being mum at work, instead of caring for my family. I think any mum has this trouble.. it's like I need to juggle work committments with my family, and family is more important. But the work committments must be done if we're going to get ahead and for me to advance in my career. Argh. Hard ask. I've also had to learn to relax about Sam being at home.. I used to feel guilty that he was with the kids all day, but he likes it.. it's his job. So, I just have to stop feeling guilty, and do my job. And I also have to learn to have time away from responsibility - either at work or at home. I need to make time for me.. so I'm going to have Wednesday evenings all to myself. Not sure what I will do with that time.. maybe study for MCP in Win2K server. I know, I know.. microsoft sucks.. blah blah blah... microsoft feeds my family though, and I need something to make my resume look good... |
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| 11:21am 28/11/2002 |
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Woah .. total fuckup.. I don't know how I did this one.. I have a compaq ml330 here at work I am meant to be upgrading today, but I've just realised I ordered $5K of stuff for an ML 370!! Argh.. waiting on vendor to tell me what I can use... but I know the integrated raid controller is out, and the hard disks will at least need new scsi cables dammit
shit shit shit |
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| 02:45am 24/11/2002 |
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mood:  complacent
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Well, it's 2:30 am and I'm awake because Aidan is awake. Being a mum certainly has it down sides, apart from squishy boobs. However I can't feel too angry at Aidan for getting me up - poor bugger now has a couple of molars coming through and that's just go to hurt. At least it certainly sounds like it.
Damn, where has he gotten to, he's just run off into the corridor, and there are no lights on.. ahh..he's back and looks like he's doing poo's. Great.
That dead thing under the blue is now lying in the gutter. The blue car got towed about a week ago, and the dead thing was pushed into the gutter. I bet it's still whiffy. I have to say that the dead thing was looking a little deflated. Decomposition must be doing it's job. Yum, again.
Being a mum is kind of weird. I have to say that when Aidan was born, everything really just made a lot of sense. Although I was happy before Aidan, it's like that nowadays, unless something is really wrong (and that's rare), then my general level of happiness has certainly improved. Everything is good. Every day is a good day, how could it not be when Aidan and Eve are so cool? Of course, I really miss sleeping. Sleep. Sleep would be really nice right about now.. ah well.
However, the thing about having a kid is that it really changed how I viewed myself. I'm still not really sure where I fit anymore. I used to really love being the kind of girl that could have any man she wanted. I remember some classic times in Melbourne before I met Sam. I think the best was getting my picture in the free gig zine that covers the night life in Melbourne. I literally had a guy on a leash, and other guys wanting it. It was nice to play. But now of course, I have responsibilities.. and to be honest, I'm not into the clubs anymore, anyway.
But where I used to be teasing at this time of night, I'm now watching Monsters Inc - again - with Aidan while he gets ready to sleep again. Also, I don't really have any hobbies or interests. I just don't have time. I'd like to be able to run a linux box - I have an old Compaq Proliant server I want to use - and I want to run a BBS, like the old style, and have lots of abandonware etc on there. I like old tech, and old games. I have a couple of Apple 2e's, one is actually set up and works, just need more software.. and time. The other one I have is an old IBM 286, the first PC I used to connect to the internet... love that PC.
Work still sucks. I am really miffed at my puny 4% pay rise.. it's a so-called merit increase. I worked my ass off for a full year to bring my site through Project Simba, and the bastards give me 4%, and tell me there's not much chance of promotion.. woop woop. Like I want to do desktop support all my life. Time to move on, and at least my managers recognise that - I can get references from them.
I can't wait to get back to NZ in Feb/March. I really need some time in Wellington. I think it's my friends and the city I miss, though to be honest, it's not like the city is exactly huge. I will miss the range of stuff in Melbourne. For instance, the clubs were way cool when I got here because there were clubs devoted to goth and punk. The cool shops are hard to find and aren't located together, but they are there.
That's the other thing about being a Mum.. I've slowly lost all my piercings. I think I'm going to get my nipples pierced again. My tragus piercing is still open, but I better get a ring into it soon. I had a conch piercing in my left ear, but fell pregnant soon after, and needed to take it out so it would heal ok. My body wasn't dealing well with being pregnant and trying to heal a new piercing at the same time. So.. I would really like to get that conch piercing done again.
I kind of like unusual ear piercings. I think it's a subtle difference in appearance to a lot of people in the corporate world. Of course, there are a lot of people out there with piercings, but I have only seen one person with the piercing I want to get done in the conch.
Anyhow, Aidan is getting sleepy, so I think I better finish up this rambling, and give him some cuddles. Little bugger has a snotty nose, and i now have a sore throat. Yay team. |
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| 09:58am 12/11/2002 |
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mood:  apathetic
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Dead thing under blue is still there. I just can't help thinking it's got to be pretty whiffy. The thing is, it's right next to the place where all the trendy gits go running after work.. so they must be able to smell it.
I wonder why kind of parking fees you get for not paying for parking for 4 weeks?
Blah.. work work.. sucks. Too much to write about work, and it's all crap. Server room looks like it is going to be totally refurbished - which is AOK by me. It's a dung heap in there - only 4 GPO's. Dumb, we have around 10 servers in there, plus external storage etc. We have more than 4 UPS's. So.. stupid. Anyhow. Career advancement seems abit wish washy at this stage in my current job. I'm giving it until March. Because Ithink they are going to pay for me to come to NZ in February.
Anyhow, time to go do stuff. |
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| 09:17am 11/11/2002 |
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That blue car with the dead thing under it is still there. It's been 3 weeks now. The dead thing must be getting kind of whiffy - maybe that's why they are not towing the blue car?? Weird. It's a busy road, next to the botanic gardens.. Oh well! |
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| puking |
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| 02:54pm 28/10/2002 |
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Urgh... poor Aidan is puking amongst other unmentionables. Got really worried about him, thought he may be dehydrated, so I took him to the hospital as our GP wasn't available.. Apparently he's not clinically dehydrated yet. A good thing. So now I'm just trying to feed special ice blocks into him.. without him puking it all up. Damn.. being a parent is hard! Just love him so much, and I hate seeing him so listless. Everything else is pointless without Aidan and Eve. |
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| 08:35am 25/10/2002 |
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My job sucks. |
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| Bugger |
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| 01:33pm 23/10/2002 |
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mood:  busy
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I have a utility which makes a mockery of Microsoft security. I just can't believe it can be so easy, but it seriously is. This utility resets the administrator password, and any other account password you specify. Anyhow, what you do, for Win NT and Win2K, is get a floppy disk, and run through the password recovery utility, which creates a device driver file for you. Then, you start the server or whatever (I've tested only on Win NT 4 Server and Win2K Server) with the system CD - i.e. Windows 2000 Server CD. For Win2K, once it gets to teh blue screen, hit F6 to load extra device drivers, load the device driver from the floppy. When the device driver does get loaded, it goes out to a DOS-looking screen, and asks you which installation you would like to reset passwords for. And voila! The passwords are reset. Take out the installation CD, and floppy, reboot, and log in. Too easy. Apparently, for Win2K, if you do it on a domain controller, it'll reset the domain administrator password!!!! I'm just blown away by how damn cool this thing is. Please tell me other OS' aren't so easy... |
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| blurgle blurgle |
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| 09:37am 23/10/2002 |
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mood:  ditzy
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I'm feeling a bit weird today - not really sure what I'm meant to be doing but feeling like there's a lot to do. Bizzaro. |
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| blurgle |
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| 07:24am 22/10/2002 |
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mood:  awake
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I have an NT server I need to log into, but don't know the admin password, or any password for. I found a utility called Password Recovery Kit. Now I just need the Windows NT Server CD ROM. I'm hoping to turn this server into a firewall/gateway for our home network, using Debian Linux. I can hear one of my friends from New Zealand already bitching about Debian from here in Melbourne. But, I have a huge thick book for Debian, so I'm going to use Debian dammit. We could probably argue about why or why not to use Debian using much more lucid arguments, but at this stage, I have a huge thick book for Debian.
In fact, if some (l)user at work asks me why their computer fucks up all the time, I think I'll just answer "because I have a huge thick book for Debian". It may be the answer to all of the questions I am asked. |
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| Oook, ook ook |
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| 09:47am 21/10/2002 |
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mood: busy
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Crapolinas.. there goes my week. The MD is moaning about Outlook not synching, but he's in Sydney, so now we fuss about with couriering the laptop to a Sydney office and I get to do remote control support on the damn thing. Argh. Then there's the stolen laptop in Sydney also... and my week is rapidly turning to poo. And where the hell is the contractor?! |
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| Urgh.. Monday Morning |
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| 09:02am 21/10/2002 |
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mood: indifferent
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OK, so it's a new week. I think last week must have been the only quiet time I could hope for. I should have slacked off some more. This week, it should be relatively, calm but it's starting to mount up. I have an interstate laptop to rebuild, I should be getting the CER (capital expenditure report) through for my own replacement laptop (woof - IBM T30 thinkpad, P4 @GB, I hae a DVD/CD-R on my existing laptop and also 512MB RAM I can transfer, so when I get this new one, I should have a very wokking laptop indeed) and the HP UNIX server that runs a Sybase database needs a hard disk upgrade. It's an HP 6000 server about 6 years old. At this stage I can't even figure out how to open the damn external RAID storage let alone figure out what disks it's going to need.
So, that's what I know I have to do this week so far. Still waiting for the hathor server replacement to get approved, as well as the citrix server upgrade. Waiting on 8 PC's too. Argh, well, bingle on, I'm going to go juggle expectations once more... |
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| thinking of a subject stops me from getting on with a journal entry |
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| 10:15pm 19/10/2002 |
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mood: exhausted
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Aidan went for his first swim today - he freaked a bit and was very clingy but after 10 minutes he was pushing me away and trying to walk into deep water. The little guy doesn't even know how to float when he wants, so the water kept rising and he finally figured out that he can't breathe water.. Still doesn't know how to float though.
Evie had her first immunisation. The hack doctor we had to see (our usual GP wasn't on duty) grilled me about not giving her the hep b immunisation at birth. There are many arguments for and against this treatment, but for us it was that Eve was not likely to be in contact with someone who had hepatitis in her first 2 months, and frankly, birth is a struggle enough without needing to be welcomed with the sharp jab of a needle "Hi Evie girl, welcome to the rest of your life - JAB". Nice. So anyhow, she'll pick up the immunisation at 6 months. It's a 3 course thing anyhow, so she's had the first one now.
Sam is getting a little hoopy - looking forward to his day of gaming tomorrow. I went to the LinuxChix meeting for Melbourne. Was it good? Well, I dunno, it was pretty typical. There were many Palm Pilots, there was plenty of Microsoft bashing, and much talk about school experiences and what it was like for nerds. I know it's difficult being a chick and into computers and stuff. But I personally prefer to just get on with the show. I do my job, do it well, and that's enough.
Anyhow. I'm saving my decent ranting for another time. I'm just all round exhausted and I have to look after the kids for a long time tomorrow. I'm doomed, I tell you, doomed. |
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