i
Paxton, female, nineteen years of life thus far, and it's taught me to paint the sun and the moon on my wrists and blood on my brow. I'm quite the American girl with a heart for world culture. I guess that's why I wouldn't make a good missionary, because I'm much more concerned with identifying myself on their standards, their beliefs, and their day-to-day life. I'm very open-minded and I'm not into censorship -- I'm into the truth. I'm into blunt honesty. I wasn't put on earth to complement your existence, and while I'm here I'd like to make an impression of who I am. I wasn't born to fill any role; sex and gender are polar opposites, forever a spectrum. But if stereotypes are your thing, count me in with the flower children, count me in with the nerds, count me in with the "fragile-minded," the feminists, the socially liberal but economically conservative -- count me in wherever you see fit. You're going to make up your own opinion either way. I'm full of fear, fire and water... oh, and coffee, more often than not.
ii
I utilize my journal by organizing my thoughts, and I frequently write about my relationship with everything and everyone, from friends and family, then and now, near and far, to my relationship with God, my journey in life, books and films that have presented stern questions, questions usually left unanswered; daily meanderings and future plans and let us not forget the photos, as I believe this is a powerful way to keep and record and chronicle. Poems, song lyrics, and quotes are also quite prevalent. I'm very passionate, enigmatic, freespirited, strange -- and these things will show through in my entries. I should also mention that I'm quite aware of my sexuality and I cuss like a sailor.
iii
I like to lay in the middle of the road at two in the morning to study the stars. Food and drink and laughter go well together. I favor sentences that end in "to" and "or so". Wearing a black fedora can change everything. Both celebrity worship and television bore me, but music is essentially my life source. If I love you, I'll tell you often, and I pray for you even more. I give my all to those I deeply care about, and I expect you to cherish my trust above everything else, as it is so difficult to obtain from me. As the prince of paradox once said, "The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost."
