post-it note
While cleaning my desk area* I found this on a crumpled post-it note.

*to claim that I were cleaning my room would be a lie.

It means that one must never sacrifice one's convictions to the opinions or wishes of others (which is the virtue of Integrity) - that one must never attempt to fake reality in any manner (which is the virtue of Honesty) - that one must never seek or grant the unearned and undeserved, neither in matter nor in spirit (which is the virtue of Justice).

Which is why I will be voting Republican in the next election (if I'm registered to vote. I'm not quite sure if it went through.)

back again
After months of not having a computer, I finally have one today. It's a laptop. I'm not sure if I like it that much, yet.

Yesterday, we took a trip to New Orleans for a house-warming party. In actuality, it was an apt. The people I went with were people from high school. It struck me about how little I think of the past now, albeit some of my fondest memories were those from high school. I don't know why but I seem to be pushing a lot of memories onto the back burner. It's not bad that I'm focusing on the present/future, but it doesn't quite seem like I'm doing that either. I seem to be lingering in limbo.

I've been home for a week now. I'm fattening up. I shouldn't worry, school will be here soon enough, and for the time being, I must stop eating as if a famine were about to hit.

tech problems
First my computer gives out. I have a loan from a friend of mine. I'm not sure if the keyboard port gave out, or my keyboard. I'm guessing it's the port, because at times, it works, but freezes after the first minute. I'm wondering if it's a virus. (Yes, another one). The on-screen keyboard isn't that great, and I don't like reading/writing in journals from public computers.

It's been a little bit better since I've installed Mozilla on the work computers.

Breakfast Articles
Talkers vs. Doers
Talkers vs. Doers, Part II

Some people die from reactions to peanut butter. If the government banned every food from which some people can die, we would all die of starvation. If they banned every vaccine or drug from which people die, more people would die from diseases.

this genre that disgusts me
Sean and one of his roommates at that time loved Zoolander. I didn't see what the hype was all about. I didn't see how a person acting intentionally stupid could ever be something funny or entertaining. After seeing Along Came Polly, I have finally decided that Ben Stiller films are no longer worth seeing.

The same goes for JD in Scrubs. I've seen too many episodes of Scrubs than I have ever wished to in a lifetime.

Bah, I'm supposed to go see Shrek 2 tomorrow. It's probably impossible to get in touch with me. I gave him my dorm phone only, but I'm home this wkend. The dorm phone doesn't have voicemail, which is even more annoying. I guess it's pretty much my responsibility to get in touch with him. Bah. I hate phones. I hate calling people.

generation after generation
I think I've come to the conclusion why people today are so horny. Maybe people have always been like this, except it was better concealed because they believed in something called decorum. It wouldn't surprise me to learn if there were such a thing as a horniness trait. For one thing, they're prolific - or at least, have the potential to be very prolific.

wow. I love Goodwill
Every time I go to Goodwill, I would scan the shelves to see if they had anything Ayn Rand. I've been met with disappointment each time.

This was perhaps my second third (I went to two today) trip to Goodwill this [school] year. Since they had a sale, 50% off what is 80-90% off retail (but then, take into account that the stuff is used), it was enough to get me to swing by the one on College Dr., on my way home. This latter one is uptown, so I assume the stuff they receive is better.

Sure enough, there was a copy of Atlas Shrugged sitting on the shelf.

$0.40

Happy to have a rugged copy I can tote around anywhere I go. Am I a lucky bastard or what?

apathy looms over me like a storm cloud
For a quick summary, read the bold.

Wow, because of the post-finals insomnia, my body has been functioning in Pacific Standard Time instead of Central Time. I got off my butt today. I put in an application for a student worker/teaching job at the university. I know I said that I was tired of teaching/tutoring. Oh well, I'll give it a shot. I really don't have much luck at the student worker jobs on campus.

It does beat tutoring for the school board. I gain one two more hours of my time instead of commuting to and fro. I handed in a 3 page packet, consisting of a handful of essay questions only to receive an even larger packet with even more essay questions. Ugh.

I always feel like this after the semester's over. I have little to no motivation to do what I ought to be doing.

At least I got what I wanted today - a small interview. I knew there was probably little to no hope if I only dropped off the application. At least I had enough sense to ask her exactly where I needed an opening in my schedule. There ain't no way I'm pouring my heart out over 7 pages of short essays if I don't even stand a chance. I can't quite tell if I've just become lazier, or if I've gained more sense.

The application calls for a teacher recommendation. That's going to be a bit hard. I swung by the office of the prof I wanted, only to find that she left for the summer. Nobody's at school because it's Intersession.

Tutoring college subjects might not be as frustrating as tutoring people in their basic skills of math, language, and reading. ::shudder:: It is harder to build the foundation, but once they have the foundation, working with them is less of a headache.

I had Biology, Chemistry, or Physics to choose from. It was quite opportune that my schedule can accommodate [my first choice] without having to move a thing around. I chose Physics. It's a cleaner subject. (Even though my major is biology). I would much rather deal with math than "facts."

I've found that for a lot of the campus jobs, timing is crucial. They usually have a whole list of good candidates, but of course, if you aren't available for an interview at the time that they demand, you've lost.

So...I need to hunt down a professor, and get to it on the essays.

And I need to stop insulting people I don't know. It really doesn't make a good impression, and I don't realize that I'm doing it until it has already been done. Luckily I was able to get away with it - I hope. I claimed one school better than another - the one her daughter attended. But then again, I had also attended that school. They were both excellent schools, both with their good and bad, and she did admit that the school's not what it used to be (when her daughter went there).

I need to stop rambling. I bet you all loved me better when I wasn't posting so much, so frequently. But alas, no one is here, and my mind is brimming with thoughts.

I'm a bit worried about my car
I've been driving the same vehicle for two years now. The vehicle itself is maybe 4 years. I don't think it's been seriously serviced during its lifespan. The brakes are worn down, since dad liked driving aggressively through heavy Houston traffic. They've been squeaking for two years now (since I've had it). It's probably never had a tune-up or engine flush. Whenever I mention it to him, he tells me, "Oh, it's fine. You'll live. The brakes will last a bit longer." Lately, the wheels have been riding kind of low, I'm lacking air pressure in my tires. It's a SUV, and I'm a little girl. With my luck, I'll end up blowing up the tires.

At least I'm the one driving the vehicle, not him. With his aggressive driving, cars hardly have a lifespan of 5 years without something serious happening to the engine, etc. We went through 2 dodge caravans within less than 3 years around when I was 14-17. Mom just totaled the new car. It's not really totaled. It's just never coming back to life again. We seem to have bad luck with cars.

I see this trend of my dad liking gas guzzlers. My mini-suv hardly gets 20 miles to the gallon, mom's dead Daewood guzzled like a Toyota Camry, and dad's 8-cylinder Montana. Geez, I don't even want to know what he's paying at the pumps these days.

When I'm earning my own living (between that time and when I actually settle down), I'm going to lease instead of buy. It just seems like too much trouble to maintain...with all the servicing just so it can operate optimally.

What would we give now
for a man to suddenly discover oil in Colorado

for a man to harness static electric as an energy sources

last night on the job
Today was the last day of my job (hopefully). I have about two weeks before the research starts up. Hopefully I won't be returning to this tutoring job at the learning center.

It really does try my patience. I've observed that concerning learning, there's two categories of people: those who try, and those who don't. It amazes me how many people give up at the first obstacle they come across, and their mentality only works to exacerbate the situation. They can't accomplish much with this attitude.

Then there's the other group of people who see the obstacle as something they must conquer, whether they like it or not. They go forth meeting the challenges ahead of them, knowing that conquering the obstacle puts them one step closer to the goal.

Obviously, these are the people I like working with because their minds are open and receptive to what I have to say/teach. With others, it feels like I am moving each stroke of the pencil and pulling strings to make them mechanically work the problem. There were times when I wanted to scream, "Think! I can't think for you."

Sometimes I wonder if I'm in the wrong. It's true that I don't have the patience with some people of the latter category. Or rather, I'm too patient on the outside but quite irritable on the inside. However, I get along fine with the ones who are receptive, and I've received compliments from a number of these.

So this is over. I've told them that I might want Tues/Thurs 4-8 when Fall kicks back up. Hopefully I'll find something this summer, and won't have to go back.

I really need to get off my butt these days. It's been storming for two weeks straight. Today was the first sunny day. i.e. I need to start jogging soon and be more actively job-hunting.

Camera Hunting
For high school, I used a Pentax K1000 for B&W photography. My roommate and I both took the class, and we begged (her physics teacher, my academic adviser) to let us each borrow an SLR for the class, instead of having to purchase our own. She had the Nikon, I don't recall which model. It was newer than the Pentax, but the digital light-metering drove me nuts. I loved the analog of the K1000, except the shutter speed stopped at 1/1000 sec, which was a disadvantage. The norm is maybe 1/2000 or 1/5000 (now).

So I'm hunting around for an SLR, and wondering if I should go digital instead. A 35mm SLR will last through time. It's sad that they don't make them out of metal anymore. I'm guessing it was steel that they used. They have stopped using steel for cars too (save for the frame).

By substituting aluminum and plastic for the steel, they've been able to make cars that are lighter and more fuel efficient. The main disadvantage is that impact will cause the plastic/aluminum vehicles to shatter. Impact will be pretty much absorbed by the steel since it takes a lot more force to deform.

the news passes you by sometimes
( Sometime last week, one of the sixteen-year-olds comes up to me, 'So, did you hear about the decapitated man?'Collapse )

The story interested me, and a couple others caught my eye. So I decided to read the a couple of stories from the A section. We all know the media's sentiment towards unfortunate Mr. Nick. I won't drone.

There was this article about American Idol that caught my eye. I have never seen a single episode of it, so I was curious about the hype. It turns out that this boy has a record deal for the sole sake of being awful. When did we learn to appreciate awful music? Or even pointing and laughing (not to mention, buying CD's) of this perversion of art? So artists get paid for coming up with ideas, and this person gets paid for bastardizing them. Hiding behind the veil of cynicism and sarcasm, have they no values, no standards of what is "good"? or has humor become perverted too?

monsoon
I noticed last Friday that some ants had invaded the kitchen. I made an off-hand comment about how there might be a big storm coming. I hate being right.

Various parts of the city was flooded, some streets were closed off. I hate to see what it's like in New Orleans.
1. It's geographically shaped like a bowl
2. It's below sea level.

reassurance
I'm suffering through a break-up, which begs the question, "When were you in a relationship?" Never and always.

( For me to respond with a sophist answer like that, yes, you're allowed to slap me for it.Collapse )

argh, one more week of this
My PChem tests have been on Thursday. Because of not-so-dead week, this one was on Tues. I had about 10 hours of sleep last night to compensate. I'm still tired. I slept through two classes today - ok, maybe not fully, but I was barely conscious. What a week, and I'm already short on sleep.

For lunch I had a root beer float and about 10 Ritz crackers. This will probably be the death of me. (That is, the stress and worrying). I probably could have spent $2 on something with more nutritional value. Heck, $1 would get me a chicken sandwich from Jack in the Box. This stress seems to be killing my desire to eat [right].

it's coooold
I just realized that as much as I dream of going North, I don't think I can make it.
It's 49 degrees now and I can barely move. This wouldn't be so bad if it were Feb-Mar weather, but for this to be May weather? Something's off.

So this leaves only the South and West. Sigh, I miss living next to a big body of water where the temperature didn't fluctuate as much.

INTJ
I've taken this quiz twice (about half a year ago, and today) and have gottenINTJ both times.

So go take this quiz if you have the time. I prefer it to the similar minds one.

accents revisited
Lately, I think I'm beginning to pick up a "Louisianian" accent. It shouldn't be that surprising, considering I've lived here for about 5 years now. But still, it's kind of disturbing.

I met this girl (it's been 4 years now) from research with NASA SHARP. She had no set accent, but if she were to talk to people with an accent, she would most likely answer with the same accent (not foreign accents, but regional accents in the US). I'm beginning to see how true this is.

Ack, two years at most. I must get out of here before I turn into a hick.

I have little to no accent of my native language(s). I don't know why but adults usually "applaud" me for being able to understand and speak it, even though my vocabulary doesn't exceed a second grader's level, and is only confined to basic conversation. This accent is pretty well hidden, unless I'm nervous or excited. Even if I'm excited, depending on whom I'm speaking to, I might end up enunciating everything correctly (accent-free).

I shouldn't get too excited when I drive. I missed a turn and turned the wrong way onto a one way street today. Edward was telling me about Stanford Med School, and I fell in love with it. (He's in love with Yale's). Sigh, I don't think I stand a chance though. Why do I always hold this mentality? Sigh.

ouch
I hate it when I wake up in the middle of the night with a Charlie Horse. They're quite common, for me, in the winter. I think the temperature has something to do with it. It's been dropping down to the low 60's, high 50's every time it rains, which is unusual for Louisiana summer weather. I dread it every time it rains, because there's mosquitoes to look forward to in the next few days, but if the temperature stays like this, they might not hatch.

Aristotle's Golden Mean
a diet consisting mainly of meat -> more production of ammonia from cleaving NH₂ from amino acids. High cholesterol (especially if your penchant is red meat). I've heard that this also drives the body into ketosis. (I wish I knew more about human physiology in greater detail, but alas, my interest is in microbiology)

a diet consisting mainly of vegetables -> usually anemia. Plants produce more secondary compounds than animals as a defense mechanism: this can't be good for your liver.

a diet consisting mainly of carbohydrates/starches -> pancreas produces an excess of insulin as an attempt to break everything down into monosaccharides. Starches are broken down into sugars. So why not just eat candy itself? Anemia (again). How much iron do you expect to find in carbs?

oils and fats -> since they are such long chains, they are harder (and take longer) to process. If there's excess, the body just stores it. Although the break down of oils and fats release a tremendous amount of energy, the only time the body actually feels the need to break this down is when you're starving. (Again, it pushes the body into ketosis)

Of these, I probably fit in the last two categories. I think my insulin level is too high, and I don't get enough iron, which probably explains why I'm easily fatigued. In addition, all the caffeine I consume constricts my blood vessels, worsening the anemia.

My goal now is to eat more [red] meat and veggies. I've started with the veggies...but the meat... Usually when I eat beef, I'm forced to skip the next meal or two because I still feel full.

Two years is too long of a respite from exercise.
I'm making my "new year's resolution" now.

keeping up to date with the news
I've been saving a bunch of articles that seem interesting, hoping to read them eventually after finals. I wonder if that will happen, or if they'll just end up taking up space on my hard drive.

Ever since lsmsa, I have felt so detached from what actually happens in the real world. Sometimes I wonder if going away to that school was a good thing, because now I'm suffering from the side effects: mildly depressed and burnt out.

ahh, can't wait until summer
I have found myself a summer project: building a computer. My computer. I didn't quite succeed the first time I tried (shortly after I graduated from high school). Perhaps I'll have better luck this time. The current state of my video card and RAM makes it a necessity to have a decent computer. Although I have 512 MBs of RAM, it only feels like 128 (maybe 256). Something's not right. I shouldn't be having to write to hard disk so frequently.

It's probably "cheaper" and less time consuming to purchase one of those name-brand computers, but I find that they compromise quality. Though the system overall has their name stuck on it, the parts are generic. Such is my computer now.

Perhaps I can find enough parts lying around the house because Dad's hobby is building computers. There's a couple of motherboards, but I'm not sure if they're still working. Mine short-circuited 2 years ago during my "project."

The only things I need to complete this are

motherboard + CPU (hopefully I can find a decent, functioning one lying around he house. I just need time to test them)

DDR ram

case more of a "want" than a "need"

which probably totals to around $200 (w/o mobo and cpu. ~$100)

the rest I can extract from my current computer, or the remnants of the "project"

pursuit of happiness
Most infamous for its trials and errors, the pursuit of happiness is one of the main journeys in life. You begin with the idea of something that might make you happy, but it is not known for certain whether it actually leads to happiness, until it is tested. Like a maze, it occasionally leads to dead ends and you wonder...

some things ought not to be thought of.

other uses for the Erlenmeyer flask
Am I too much of a geek to be wishing that coffee mugs were designed like the 250 mL Erlenmeyer flasks?

I'm a fan of instant coffee, and I hate always fumbling for spoons (unfortunately, I don't have the luxury of the stirrer-straws at my disposal). If the mug were in the shape of an Erlenmeyer flask, I could swirl it until the mixture became homogenized. Unfortunately, the narrow opening of an Erlenmeyer flask isn't conducive to sipping, but to guzzling. Kool-aid, and other powdered-drink-mixes would work fine.

just a normal teenage job
I'm having trouble finding one of those. I haven't quite pinpointed the reason why.

The only jobs I've held are tutoring, research, and those mass-hire jobs.

I tried to get a job as a drug store cashier, in hopes of progressing to the pharmacy and becoming a technician.

List of possible reasons why people don't like to hire me.

1. I get paid 8/hr tutoring, even though in reality I only receive 6/h after withholdings + taxes, but still I put the "legal" amount on paper. Minimum wage here is 5.15. A manager once commented about that, and I guess people are scared that I would try to negotiate a bigger salary than what the job offers, though in reality, I am satisfied with that amount.

2. Perhaps guilty thoughts of under employment?

3. prejudice. I'm Asian, albeit one that has to live with the curse of multiculturalism.

4. bad luck. I can't quite pinpoint when they're hiring. Hiring seems to be an internal affair that's rarely advertised.


At least I got a research scholarship + room and board this summer.

so basically...
If you're "poor" enough, you get all of your federal withholdings back.

The government isn't communistic in paying the bills, but communistic* in distributing the goods.

There seems to be a glitch in how this system operates, for it doesn't seem fair.

*Not communistic per se, but I couldn't find a concise word for catering to the needy. But in a sense, it is communistic because you pay for the public services which you may or may not use. It makes sense that since you paid for it, you should reap from it. But what if the fruit is foul? You are, nevertheless, bound, for you cannot take what was invested and invest in something more profitable.

My Sincerest Apologies
I was drifting off to sleep when I remembered ONE BIG FLAW in my argument.

We're not exactly going to receive (in social security that is) something equal to what we invested. I totally forgot about the array of public services, with their strings pulled by the government: public education, the roads, police who give us tickets for speeding, firefighters, etc.

So, back to square one. I can't quite prove that what is invested is less than what is returned. Perhaps it is an individual thing where one person may gain, while another lose. Or can it be classified by income who loses, and who wins?

More research is needed.
Goodnight.

Economy
Many of the other keys to job creation will appear counterintuitive, especially if you come from the perspective of labor, rather than that of the employer (i.e., the person who actually creates jobs). For example, good unemployment benefits are bad for job creation and result in higher levels and longer durations of unemployment. When government provides generous unemployment benefits, it increases the cost of creating jobs and decreases wage flexibility. People living on unemployment insurance, and all types of welfare, will typically not obtain new employment until the benefits run out.

Unemployment insurance is both irrational and unnecessary. It could be abolished altogether and replaced with a system by which workers could save part of their paychecks – before taxes – and then draw down their account balances if they became unemployed. This approach would offer no incentive to avoid finding a job and would provide those who remained employed an extra retirement savings account.

Most counterintuitive of all is the effect of employment protection policies on job creation. One might think that protecting jobs by preventing or delaying employees from being fired would be good for labor, but the exact opposite is the case. Employment protection does diminish job dismissals, but it also reduces job creation so that over time there are fewer jobs in the economy. Where employers find it difficult to dismiss workers, they will create fewer jobs because of the risks attached to hiring employees who might become unruly, unproductive, unnecessary, or uneconomical over time. In this case, jobs will be moved across the border to employer-friendly environments, or the employer will substitute more capital and technology for labor. How Outsourcing Creates Jobs

How many times have I ranted and raved about unemployment benefits and "frozen" jobs?
I really like that proposal about the unemployment "benefits". Taxes today, who knows where the money truly goes? But the point is, it goes. There's not a big savings the government has. Take social security for example. This is not a big tax refund that has been collected in some vault the government has looked after for you. The money comes from people who are working today. So what the government spends each year is what it withdraws from taxes that year. We hear about how social security is slowly trickling dry. Who knows if there will be such a thing when we retire. Medicare, too, has been a big drain on our tax money. To me, it just seems a little communistic. People who have crossed the threshold of poverty can dip their dirty hands into this fund. But the working people can't even get what they have put in. Honestly, this is worse than a casino.

And about frozen jobs. I really think that employers create invisible tenures for their workers. It seems like such a hassle to train a new person, that they are satisfied with a mediocre person doing the job. Too much hype about paid-training. But what if training were not paid? Would it be easier for them to hire/fire workers?

Sometimes, the thought of hourly wages annoy me. I wish people were paid for getting the job done, and not for how long can they stretch a single job. This, of course, doesn't apply to all jobs, and salary-jobs help eliminate this.

noi vivi
it's a sad thing that We the Living hasn't been made into a DVD yet. I wonder if it ever will be. I hope so, because I can't watch videotapes since my VCR eats them. A DVD will stand the test of time far better anyways.

dubious about these promises
http://www.johnkerry.com/pressroom/releases/pr_2003_0828.html

Where is he going to get the money? Supposedly by taxing the rich, and providing tax reliefs for the middle class. The middle class is a big chunk of the US. I don't think the money he will get from taxing the rich will be enough to buffer it.

Where is he going to get the jobs? Supposedly by creating jobs in manufacturing and "new energy opportunities"

is he a prodigy or a superb businessman? How is he going to pull this off?


Sigh, is there a way to fix our present economy?

medicare/medicaid
There was an article a couple of weeks ago. I wished I had paid more attention, for I can't pinpoint all the details.

The funds set aside for Medicare was predicted to last around 2014 (I think), as assessed a few years ago. Now, they reassessed the funds to discover that it will last only until 2009 (or was it 2007?).

Maybe it's pessimistic on my behalf to think that we are on the road to becoming a socialist nation (or ::cough:: semi-socialist like Europe)

Is there a way to actually fix these things, or will we spiral downward until we hit rock bottom?

tell me I'm imagining it
I'm thinking about switching my job. If I can't get a job working in a pharmacy, I think I'm going to take an EMT course this summer.

Is it just me, or does it seem like when I ask a stranger if the store is hiring, I never get a direct answer? Am I just imagining it, or are they actually treating me like their job is being threatened, and their automatic self-defense is this feigned ignorance?

Maybe I'm being a little too sensitive about this whole matter.

maybe not so dormant after all
Have the glaciers begun to melt or something?
Other people get snow, we get rain.

It's mardi gras break.

In hibernation until summer.
This journal will be dormant.

deep sleep
I sleep like a log. Sometimes, when I'm tired, I can sleep through half an hour of my alarm going off. As I grow accustomed to the sound, I can block it out. I can't block out all sounds, while I'm conscious, but I find sounds that have a specific rhythm are easier to ignore.

I wish there were some way to practice being a light sleeper.

ignorance is bliss
x-posted

It makes me sick when people at work claim this to be true. I requested to be transferred from being everyone's bitch to being able to walk around and help/tutor. Of course, that still did not prevent the record keeper from using me as her bitch. There's a little memo saying that I should help the record keeper with her job until the quarterly reports are over. I was told that I would not be able to work "overtime" (of course, we're still paid the same rate even though we're working overtime), and that she gets overtime. So what incentive is there to help her? And if I get the job done twice as fast as she does, but get paid more than twice as less, shouldn't they reconsider her salary? But alas, I never understood the way economics and efficiency worked in practice.

Some of the past employees (who have quit by now) have complained that being the record keeper's bitch is not part of the job description. We were hired to tutor/help students. The "supervisor" has fixed that. Basically, our job description is to do what they tell us to do.

I guess I'm still holding on to this job as a safety net. Nevertheless, it is not going to take much to piss me off again and make me want to quit.

The South
I saw Big Fish last night. It annoys me how the producers try to make the characters imitate a Southern accent. Truth is, only the hicks speak like that. Hicks in New York, hicks in Montana. It is a country accent, not a Southern accent. Some people who live in New Orleans speak like they're from New York - only because they have a city accent.

People who speak with this so-called Southern accent actually get made fun of or thought of as uneducated in Southern cities. It is only because small towns are more common in the South that people presume that everyone in the South speaks like that.

The Southern accent is more subtle. Mostly, it is the skipping of syllables.

Edit: common overused words: ma'am, sir, y'all
I didn't know that people actually take offense to ma'am or sir in the North. Scott was telling me about time he was in Washington DC. The waitor was offended that Scott told him, "Thank you, sir." And he proceeded to get huffy about, "I'm not a sir." I guess these are only reserved for old people?

electronics
I heard a rumor that most electronics on the market today are only made to last one year. A newer model usually comes out by that time, and the consumer upgrades.

It's a pretty nasty trick. If I invested hundreds in an electronic gadget, I expect it to last.

those soliciting donations during the holiday season
There ought to be a law against those salvation army people standing outside stores during the Christmas holidays. If people want to donate, that's cool. But you do not obstruct the path of people going into stores and wave a jug of money at their faces and demand that they donate. They had some "rough" looking people doing it, so it was pretty intimidating also. Maybe it really wasn't a charity organization, because I didn't see a logo. It certainly wasn't the salvation army people. Those usually just stand there and ring a bell. This is the pet peeve of the day.

winter blues
I don't know what it is. I'm going to accuse stress and the mild depression that comes with it. This journal has been pretty much stagnant this semester. I miss the deep reflections. I miss being able to deeply reflect. I think the relativistic/nihilistic attitude has sneaked up on me again. Or frankly, I just don't seem to care anymore. Perhaps I need to feed my brain something besides electron transitions and precursor metabolites. I am now a handy reference to E. coli physiology.

It surprises me to be hitting the doldrums so soon. Maybe it's the aftermath of those state schools for that math and science.

And yet, I continue to torture myself with consciousness, instead of going to sleep. What is this nameless woe (my history teacher from last semester calls it). I see it reflected on so many people's journals (well not here, in those whom I know personally). What is this feeling that stems from loneliness? Some are able to find comfort in God. Others are looking for a person, a companion. Why must we feel this way?

Current Mood: sad

oh! invite codes are gone
http://www.livejournal.com/users/news/74165.html

hah, as if there were any doubt
Government Guide: Most Dangerous States

1 Louisiana
2 Nevada
3 Arizona
4 Florida
5 Maryland

while Most Safe Cities are mainly the ones in the North

Hm. what do we have? The sniper. The serial killer. The embezzler. The first cajun woman governor. Well, that's all I know of, since I moved here in 1998.

Current Mood: cynical

capitalism vs. nice
I don't like it at all. I still have the books for this Roman/Medieval interdisciplinary course I took last spring. My friend suggests that I should sale them to an acquaintance at the same price I would get, if I were to sell back at the bookstore. GOD DAMN NICE PEOPLE So what incentive do I have to sell to the acquaintance if I get the same from the bookstore? None. Besides the fact that I did a NICE thing. What would be negotiable is something between the bookstore's USED price and the buyback price. Besides, she's already getting an $18 tax cut. (The grand total for books would be ~200, sales tax is 9%) And he suggests that I sell them to her for $88. WTF is wrong with people?

I wonder if I'll make more off half.com
Most of the new ones I had to buy are still pretty new.

Current Mood: aggravated

how fickle thou art
Two days ago, I had a frozen windshield (about half a centimeter thick). I was crying, "this is in vain!" as I tried to scrape off the ice with a napkin (all that I had), until my friend pointed out that there was such a thing as a "defrost button."
Today, I'm running the AC in my car, because it was 80 degrees Fahrenheit outside.

oh nature, how fickle thou art.

price speculation
I wonder if the majority of the people who place a bid early know that they're probably not going to win the item and that they are only contributing to price speculation. Even though it's ebay, an expensive piece of electronic equipment isn't going to be cheap. Nevertheless, I still think ebay is a good example of the free market because consumers and merchants agree on the price. Well, never mind, half.com would be a better example. Because the merchant doesn't have much say in the final price unless he sets the starting price/reserve price. Without doing so, sometimes the merchant wins, sometimes he loses.

Perhaps I'll just wait until after Christmas when the price speculation (to buy the product and have it shipped on time) has gone down. Buying electronic gadgets does annoy me because whatever I own will be obsolete in a year or less. But bah, what the heck. The economy is growing at least.

Current Mood: annoyed

of all the stereotypes, this is one of the worst
the belief that non-religious people are amoral

to feel
Apparently, I'm not being open minded by refusing to entertain a reality that doesn't exist logically.

Some things can be proven; thus they are objective. Others are based on subjective observations. The latter cannot be proven (by what? giving me a testimony?) But that requires my reasoning to discern the testimony as true or false. And then I'm called close-minded because I decided that the testimony was false! What kind of ballast is behind that testimony? Nothing, save to believe and to feel that it is true/right. Such axioms do exist, but there's a logical reason why they should be accepted, and whatever it is, transcends conventions and cultures. But think twice before telling me that I should feel. I'm a very apathetic person, so feeling is a quite absurd way to get me to understand. Is that being close-minded? I would call it being emotionally closed.

We're both on the path to seek the same thing, though each starting from an opposite end. I know that both can't be correct, even though both of us want to be right. But if both of us are right, it's a contradiction.


look at me, it ususally takes an effort to log into my LJ account to read the friends' posts, since I use a client. look at me post friends. it's part of a filter system

Current Mood: thoughtful

a public forum
I keep another personal live journal in addition to this one. It disturbs me when someone (whom I have never heard of) tries to contact me via AIM.
As I re-read some of the entries, I feel that they are just a waste of space and have the sudden urge to delete a majority of the entries. Each little nuance was recorded, but the shelf-life of the memory's significance has the half life of a week (or even less).

There's always the private entries option, but I hate having to sort through my entries. Perhaps I need a paper one for Christmas.

So I suppose I must refrain from re-reading this journal or I will begin purging entries from here too.

condition
Sex. My condition for sex is love. I haven't found it yet, and I really don't think I'll find it in this life time.

I fail to understand how people can want sex for the act itself. Having sex just to have sex - love is only a side order. This is the only condition they wish to fulfill, sending a temporary surge of endorphins into their brain. It's quite analogous to drugs.

I don't think that would cut it for me. Discrimination¹ is an integral part of my emotions; thus I reject the idea of "unconditional love." I fail to see how love can be given freely², because there's always a reason behind that love. For some reason, this reminds me of a love letter I received in 8th grade, which confessed of an infatuation, "I love everything about you." That statement alone made me lose all respect for the guy. Unconditional love creeps me out in a semi-icky fashion. (and not within the same context) How can people say "I love everything about you" and then proceed to change the person? Love indeed!

Matt pointed out that it was virtually impossible to have a marriage-relationship without sex, and I believe that with today's sex-filled world, that would also apply to relationships in general.

Sex outside marriage? I believe that marriage is taboo, and has no other significance besides lower taxes. Two people are able to acknowledge their love for each other, and the desire to spend the rest of their lives together without the need for civil or religious acknowledgement of their marriage.

Why can't guys be cute and cuddly? They get tired of being cute and cuddly. Damn testosterone.

¹ I'm going to punch every politically-credit person who thinks that I am talking about race/color rather than this
² without stipulations

Wow, I am just the right kind of material suited for a nunnery.