The other day I had this moment. You know that moment where the little voice of common sense gives you kind advice, like, “Hey, you better do x or else things could go pretty wrong for you.” For example, “Hey, you better leave the apartment little bit early to find your Zipcar so you’re not late to the dentist.”

Of course, that little voice is so easily drowned out by much louder voices, such as the pervasive “WATCH SLOTH GETTING ARMPIT SCRATCH VIDEO,” and “WANT POMEGRANATE, THE MOST INTENSIVE TO PEEL FRUIT” and “CHEERIOS” and “BLARGGG.” As a result, I spent 25 minutes searching for my Zipcar and missed my dentist appointment. So now my adulthood license has been revoked, and my teeth lack fluoride treatment. (I included the shark pic so you can visualize my expression throughout this process.)

ANYHOW teeth, theme of the day. If you’ve been following the build-up to COP21, you may have heard people talking about whether not the world can come to an “agreement with teeth.” What the heck does that mean?

Well, let me fill you in on a little backstory. The past few COPs have more like COP OUTS (*rimshot*). But really, it was basically a bunch of guys coming together and saying with conviction, “Climate change is a problem! The planet is in jeopardy!  Something must be done!”

Then they all clap each other on the backs and congratulate themselves and head home, ending on an 80s movie freeze frame.

So we’ve come up with mostly half-assed promises to reduce emissions that people have and have not abided by, but we’ve never come up with a legally binding agreement, an agreement with teeth.

And honestly without teeth, people are just kind of wishy washy about their commitments to the environment. It’s like making a drunken new year’s resolution to eat healthy and go to the gym every day. Like you know the next morning you’re going to spend 150 bucks on a gym membership that you’ll use a maximum of 5 times before you resign yourself to a couch, a spoon, and a jar of cookie butter.

The big thing about COP21 is that this time we had people do their homework beforehand. Leaders have drafted their commitments beforehand. The hope is that at the summit, we can all get on the same page globally, as a species to triumph over pollution and greed and save the Earth. (WOOHOO)!

The best case scenario is that we come up with a treaty, which is a legally binding international pact. Those suckers have got some serious teeth. Of course, that’s not likely to happen—at least not in the United States. That’s because a treaty needs to be passed through the Senate with a 2/3 majority, which is not likely seeing as 72% of Republicans aren’t convinced that climate change is a threat or even real.

The next best thing, though, is for Obama to use his executive authority to push through regulations  to reduce emissions by sticking on amendments to existing legislation, like the Clean Air Act. In fact, some tough environmental regulations on power plants is already in the works (and has already been blocked by the senate. But that can be overturned eventually, too. Man, democracy is great and all, but every little tiny thing has to be such a goddamn chicken dance.)

So when you’re following the negotiations at COP21, look out for agreements with teeth, and be weary of the airy fairy promises of the likes made slumped in a barstool, crying over a Mai Thai.

Goodnight, goodnight.