Don't Worry About Me- I Fall All the Time

 I swear, he was a cartoon of a psychologist.  I was recommended to him through my psychiatrist, who is also a cartoon of a psychiatrist. I'll get to him later.  This was all because my therapist told me she thinks I have ADHD, which, when I began researching it, I believed.  So I went to the psychologist to get tested because I haven't hit my limit of medications yet.

He was my heighth (5'3") and had on the worst grey toupee I have seen.  It reminded me of an advanced-age Beiber cut.  He had a rounded belly (not a criticism, just an observation) and was wearing a short-sleeved purple and black camo shirt with khaki pants.  He had just had surgery on his carotid atery, which somehow affected his vocal chords. So he was squeaky.  He chatted with me for about ten minutes, sprinkling in some ADHD questions along the way. After we chatted, he said, "Yes. You have it". And then I took 3 verbal tests, 5 pen and paper tests, and a computer test. when I was done (2 hours later), we chatted for 45 minutes.  Guys, he is 79 and has no intention of retiring; he loves what he does.  He said he would write up a report and mail it to me, and I have an appointment with my psychiatrist this week to get on a low dose of Adderol, as I have a mild-to-moderate case.  But it explains soooooo much.  The impulsive Amazoning, the random comments I tend to blurt out, the interruptions, the lack of ability to focus on one thing, which turns into focusing on everything, and therefore not getting anything done.

When Mini-Me (Husband's Mini-me- mine is our oldest, the Big Guy) and his wife moved in before Christmas (like 2 days before Christmas), Husband was traveling for the week.  Then he flew to New York and helped them pack up.  He drove the moving truck back, and arrived home on the 23rd of December.  I was faced with wrapping all of the presents, getting the upstairs prepared for our new room-mates, completely stripping every vestige of the Princess' room, and making up the beds in the guest rooms for the Big Guy and the Princess, and cleaning the whole house. Which is a big house.  And y'all, I literally had no idea where to get started.  I hired a housekeeper, which I have only done once before in my life, and she saved me.  I was able to get everything done and the house was cleaner than it's been in many years.  But that really was the nail on the coffin, because now I want her help maybe once a month and am going to have to figure out how to pay for her.  I am hoping that the medication and the housekeeper will make me feel better about myself.  I have a problem with guilt; I never feel like I have done things well enough, or fast enough, or done them at all.  It's discouraging and depressing.

There I go, whining.  Well, it all turned out just fine and everyone had a good visit/move-in.  I kind of felt like we were going through the motions a little bit because it was just such a rushed start and things haven't really settled into a normal yet.

So, I see my psychiatrist Wednesday, and he is the very opposite of the psychologist.  He's a 6-foot-tall string bean with a handlebar mustache and a goatee, spectacles on the end of his nose.  Tweed or corduroy jacket, depending on the day, but always with elbow patches.  I drive 40 minutes to see him every three months and this is my visit: "Hi Jennifer.  How are you doing?  How is your medication? Do you need any refills?  See you in three months."  I will give the man credit though- when I didn't know who I was anymore and the depression had a stronghold on me, he saved my life.

Upon recommendation from morningoryblue, I am reaching out to some new friends that will hopefully become old friends. Since I've come back under a new profile, I have a pretty limited list. So... I will be reaching out to dreamsrundeep, pondhopper, ladybug21, hazelnutdarling, canyonwalker, pineapple_sour, and zvezda9. So when you see me, know that I am not just a crazy and fun person, we have mutual connections.:)

PS: I am not very crazy.

I am typing this while at work, because I don't have much to do most days. I am a receptionist at a real estate company and I pretty much just sit here, answer phones, and open mail. Besides looking pretty. I was a teacher in my 20's but stopped when I had kids in my 30's. I didn't work while the kids were little, then I did some part-time gigs until they all got out of the house. Now I work a super easy and fun 9-5 job four days a week for some extra money and a reason to get out of bed and dressed in the morning. Plus, it's nice to have somewhat of a network outside of our neighborhood. I used to walk 3-4 miles a day, and was a gym rat in my 40's but I have long since let that slip away. While I am on my roller-coaster weight ride, I just try to keep everything in moderation and only eat when I'm hungry. I am trying to be content with just being average, as much as I hate to say it.I will never do a diet again.I am trying to walk the dogs more. We used to have four but are down to two, so it is much more manageable and pleasant, God rest their little souls. We havea chihuahua mix and a mostly-shitzu. They are mother and daughter, rescue pups.

My mom has frontal temporal lobe dementia and I carry a lot of guilt not being close by to help with her. My dad is 81 and does EVERYTHING for her, and she has reverted back to to acting like a five year old. On top of that, she got a colostomy a year ago and her dementia has kept her from being able to care for her ostomy bag. She went on and on and on about wanting to get it reversed, and finally beat my dad down about it. None of us(dad and three siblings) think it is a good idea, yet we are not the ones dealing with it so it is hard to give input.

My kids are scattered. My oldest son, 25, lives with my parents in Georgia and sort of helps them out (my youngest brother lives there too). My youngest son, 23, got married in April, and he and his wife tried out living in upstate NY. They had a car die, totaled another one, and couldn't afford it. Plus they hated the cold. So they are the ones that have just moved back in. I was just getting into the empty nest groove... My youngest, a daughter, is 20 and goes to college in Ohio. She's doing so well and really happy. She is a lesbian and lives with her long-term girlfriend and their trans, gay roomate and a cat.

Why am I on here? I have too much time on my hands, and I really miss the deep connections I made on LJ. I am still friends IRL with probably five or six, several with whom I communicate regularly. It is so mentally and emotionally important to have a place to put all the junk in my head and get glimpses into other people's lives. I look forward to connecting and re-connecting. Here's to 2026!