Sharing this article about tips on defeating jet lag, so I don’t lose track of it here.
I read this comment by someone about getting the flu and it resonated with me:
“I’ve come to welcome getting the flu or a cold and just ride it out. When you get a fever with the flu, it’s natures way of cooking bad bugs in your system (bye bye baddies!) and blowing your nose with a cold is a great ways of casting off what your body is trying to get rid of. Acute Illnesses cast dead and dying cells (I learned this from a naturopathic perspective). The old saying, there is no cure for the common cold, because the common cold is the cure is so true. Acute illnesses are one of the most efficient ways that the body casts off chronic illness. I learned this from old world healers as this will not be taught in the pharmaceutically funded medical schools.
I was severely burnt out in 2021 and had a profound exhaustion on top of a chronic illness. The exhaustion was so deep it was in my bones. I started getting sick with one respiratory infection after another, but do you know what is interesting? Each infection burned off another layer of exhaustion and help led me to slowly come out of burn out. my body was forcing me to rest in bed as I recovered. It wasn’t fun, but it was necessary. I understand your perspective because people have been brought up to believe that infections are bad, and to be avoided. However, I see them as a cleansing process to be welcomed and endured as I know I will be stronger on the other side of it.”
I don’t know anyone who is currently in memory care, but the wisdom below seems worthy of saving.
This was shared by someone on FB who has a loved one in memory care
“PSA – if you’re going to visit someone in memory care, don’t ask how they are or if they know who you are.
Say ‘it’s good to see you!’ And focus on happy things.
Mom is now in memory care and as of this week, hospice. She hasn’t been interested in eating, has been sleeping more, and has stopped having conversations.
I’ve had so many visitors message me after a visit and yes it is hard but why why why do people go into these visits saying things like ‘how are you’ to someone who is perpetually confused and scared?
I do not have the energy to explain to them or educate people how to have a good visit beyond this post.
(And as the caregiver who is there 3-4 times a week, navigating the decline of my mom, im so damn tired and exhausted)
So here’s the quick tips:
– It’s good to see you is so much better than how are you. They are scared and confused. They will cry and if that makes you cry, your visit will suck.
– Always introduce yourself! They aren’t up for a pop quiz. I always say ‘hey mommy it’s Rae!’ Every time.
– Bring a little treat. It could be photos to look at, their fav drink (mom loves a Diet Coke), fancy hand lotion. Something to focus on while you visit. I can tell you mom loves hugs and holding hands – yesterday I filed her nails and rubbed in some hand lotion on her hands and arms. Sometimes i bring skin care and do a little facial. A couple weeks ago, i brought her a new insulated cup with a lid decorated in bugs. As a former scientist, she LOVES this cup and it’s the only one shes been using. BTW it’s the rifle paper co by corksicle – i love that it has a handle and can use a straw.
– Help orient to things you can SEE. Not what are you doing today but ‘Look at the Christmas tree – I like the snowman!’ They don’t know what activities they will be or did do. Focus on what is right there. Asking ‘do you remember’ will be hard.
– it’s OK to just talk and share. Don’t expect a response. I tell mom what the kids are up to, how school is, show pictures. She doesn’t need to respond and it feels normal for her to hear about grandkids.
– she doesn’t need to make sense. Mom will often start saying things like ‘can you…’ or ‘let’s go…’ but can’t give specifics. That’s ok. Give her a few moments and if she’s just stuck in a loop, redirect. Easy things – can I refill your water? She always has her cup.
– If someone in memory care asks to go home, don’t try to engage in logic. They do not understand! They are disoriented. And often in their mind, feel like they should be able to do what they want, with no concept of care or safety needs. I often redirect with ‘I’m here with you mommy’ and ‘I love you’. And then change the topic.
– Comfort items are helpful. I have found that mom likes small soft toys to hold. I got her a warmie – it’s a stuffed cat that you can warm up in the microwave for 30 seconds and it’s soft, warm, slightly weighted. She can sit with it in her lap for comfort.
– Stay calm. She might cry but if you start to cry too, it will escalate her emotions. This is the one time I’ll tell you to suck it up and put her needs and emotions first. Comfort her with ‘I’m here with you’ and ‘I love you’. If you start crying and saying ‘I’m so sorry’ she does not know how to handle that. The calmer you are, the calmer she is. The calmer she is, the better her day will be.
– 15-30 minutes is long enough for a visit. Seriously y’all this shit is hard. No one gets points for staying for hours and struggling through it.
And finally – being a caregiver for mom is the hardest and most thankless job ever. I do not wish this on my worst enemy. Please trust that those of us making the hard decisions have weighed every single one – often choosing self-sacrifice – and when we are second guessed or questioned, it kills us. Unless you would trade places with us, keep your thoughts to your damn self.”
More reading
- Holidays with dementia parents here
This was Pam Gregory’s astrological reading from a week ago on Nov 28th. I can feel this energy with respect to work (our office is moving and interesting this is in the area of my 10th house, which is related to career).
“This coming Friday 28th Saturn moves stationary direct at 25°09′ Pisces. Saturn has a twenty nine and a half year orbit, so it was last in Pisces from May 1993 until April 1996. Look back to that time, seeing where these last few degrees of Pisces fall in your birthchart. Which ‘house’ area is it falling in for you, in terms of an area of your life?
What was happening for you then in terms of endings? If it is in your 10th house, were you changing jobs or even careers? In your 4th house were you moving home, or things were changing around your home environment or family circumstances? Or in your 11th house of friends and networks? Whatever was happening then will have an echo of what is happening now, as it will be in the same area of life.
The theme of endings is part of Saturn’s symbolism (‘the end of the matter’), and emphasised not only as it is in Pisces, the last sign of the zodiac, but also because it is conjunct Neptune this time which it wasn’t in the 1990s. Neptune is the ruler of Pisces and adds to the idea of things ‘dissolving’ now in that area of life for you.
You may be feeling much sadness for what is falling away right now. It may be a bereavement, or the end of relationship, or even a home . . whatever is falling away is not meant to be carried forward into your next episode. It is old (Saturn!) and although may have felt as if it would always be in your life long term (Saturn) you can now sense that it is too small, too limiting, for where you are going. The future self within you can already sense that.
As of this Friday Saturn will move rapidly forwards entering Aries on February 14th. Neptune will already be there waiting, having entered Aries on January 27th. Together they will then surge forwards but still remain on the Aries point (therefore much happening on the public stage to do with traditional authority) until early March, when Saturn then moves ahead of Neptune.
Saturn is about traditional leadership and government, traditional structures, even including religion. Neptune will dissolve these and reveal any corruption or deceit or anything that has not been for our highest good. As I’ve mentioned many times in the past, this could also bring up issues about the media, celebrities, and pharmaceutical drugs. So expect in the early months of next year to see leaders and governments fall – some are obvious candidates for this.
In your own personal life, bless whatever you sense is moving out of your life, and start to dream in what you want in 2026 and beyond, particularly focusing on the area of life that they are transiting right now. This symbolism is about ‘making real the dream’. Start creating now as it will help to ease any sadness you may feel. Whatever has been part of your life has been part of your growth and your journey. Now we are all moving on in very individual ways.
The energy of next year is very different. Much more dynamic, exhilarating, with big bold courageous moves being made by many of us. There will be great changes in many areas of life next year; but start dreaming in now, while we still have just a few short weeks left in the chrysalis stage . . .”
“Today, if someone asked me, “What would you say is your purpose?”… I allow myself the freedom to be curious, to evolve, to grow tentacles that spread in all directions, to shift and adapt, to show up and be of service in the way only I can. But if I were to try to tease out the throughline between the moments in my life that I have felt most purposefully, I see that in those moments, I was aligned with my values and listening to my intuition. And I’m always striving for a closer alignment with those values and closer attunement to that intuition” – The Book of Alchemy: A Creative Practice for an Inspired Life by Suleika Jaouad, page 231
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“What in your life today feels like a ‘push’? What feels like a ‘pull’? For ten minutes today, choose to go away from something that feels like a push and towards something that feels like a pull. If you do this consistently, you’ll feel your original genius awakening, guiding you, expressing itself.” Reawakening your Original Genius by Martha Beck in The Book of Alchemy: A Creative Practice for an Inspired Life by Suleika Jaouad, p. 247
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What adds shape your days and purpose to your years? (Paraphrasing from “Man on the Inside” TV show)
I liked this blog post by Mary Braun Bates, MD about using the philosophy of stoicism to help you when you are going through a difficult time (like a life-changing medical diagnosis).
“A common starting place for Stoic reading is Epictetus’ Enchiridion which opens with “Some things are in our control and others not.” Because there are two options, it is called the dichotomy of control: thing are under one’s control or they are not under one’s control… Having Something Bad is not under one’s control.”
I liked this advice from Oliver Burkeman:
Very few decisions are ‘rest-of-your-life’ decisions. “For years, I was stuck chasing the perfect ‘rest-of-my-life’ solutions, whether for work or where to live, and it was exhausting,” writes Iwana Johannsen. “Letting go of that pressure, and realising that I can keep reassessing and adjusting as I go, was a game changer. Right now, I’m happy in Portugal. If that changes, we’ll change it.” This resonates! In hindsight, I can see that I spent much of my earlier adulthood assuming I’d eventually reach a life situation that, once attained, would remain unchanged for the rest of my days. But this makes exploring different avenues far more stressful than it needs to be – while ironically making it harder to put down roots, since you’re constantly second-guessing yourself as to whether or not you’ve reached your destination yet. This insight – that you can always make adjustments later on, if need be – doesn’t mean signing up for an unmoored, unsettled, or commitment-avoiding existence. Quite the opposite: it makes it easier to commit, because it releases commitments from the unmeetable standard of “you must be absolutely certain you’ll endorse this decision years from now.”
Scott D. Clary shared this: “The people who actually win aren’t the ones with the best plan. They’re the ones who started three months ago with a mediocre plan and kept going. Stop engineering the perfect approach. Start with a decent one and adjust as you learn. Clarity comes from action, not thought.”
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It is similar to this advice from Oliver Burkeman:
“Advice for big, daunting projects: do something right away. When a major project lands in your lap, perhaps with a deadline weeks or months away, make it your business to take some kind of concrete action on it as soon as you can, even if you won’t get to the majority of the work until later. The longer such a project sits on your plate without being engaged, the more intimidating or resentment-inducing it’ll grow – and the more mental energy you’ll expend either on fretting about it or trying to avoid thinking about it. On the other hand, taking action forges an inner relationship with the task that saps it of its power to intimidate, while also allowing your subconscious to get to work on it in other ways.”
A yoga teacher that I follow had these musings about recently being diagnosed with arthritis. These musings touched me, so I am sharing them here:
“On a more personal note, I discovered that the hip discomfort I’ve been experiencing is an arthritis flare-up. I had no idea I had arthritis at all, much less a complete loss of cartilage in both hips. Osteoarthritis runs in my family—my mom had a hip replacement, my older sister has had both replaced, and now I’ve joined the ranks of the 1 in 3 women over 50 living with arthritis. As you can imagine, this has been a lot to process. Right now, I’m simply in the stage of “this is what I’m dealing with” and beginning to explore management options….
Since arthritis is so common, I know I’m walking a path of common humanity. I’m fortunate to have wonderful helpers, strong support, and a pretty adaptable spirit. That said, my intellectual attitude doesn’t always match my emotional experience, so I’m doing my best to be honest about both. None of it feels easy.”
Someone I love has had a complete loss of cartilage in one of his fingers, so these musings are helpful to me.
And on a positive note, a month later, she reported that: “…my pain is manageable. With some activity adjustments and a reliable anti-inflammatory medication, I’m feeling a better overall.”
What Can I Say? by Mary Oliver
What can I say that I have not said before?
So I’ll say it again.
The leaf has a song in it.
Stone is the face of patience.
Inside the river there is an unfinishable story
and you are somewhere in it
and it will never end until all ends.
Take your busy heart to the art museum and the
chamber of commerce
but take it also to the forest.
The song you heard singing in the leaf when you
were a child
is singing still.
I am of years lived, so far, seventy-four,
and the leaf is singing still.
I just loved the children’s book, Ferris, by Kate DiCamillo so much! It had a lot of metaphors for life.
Some of my favourite quotes from the book:
- “Every good story is a love story.” – Page 6
- “It’s all inconvenience,” he said. “And then suddenly it’s over. And you find yourself thinking that you wouldn’t mind a little inconvenience.” Page 117 (I likened this to what it is like to have raised your child/ren).
- “The whole world is singing all the time, and we don’t even know it.” – Page 122
- “I am looking down at the great river of life.” – Page 143
- Ferris… “felt a river of words flow through her.” – Page 164
- “Something momentous was on the horizon, coming toward them. Or maybe they were moving toward it – walking out to greet it, whatever it was.” – Page 171
- “… being at the top of the Ferris wheel. Everything was so bright and beautiful and possible, you know?”
I am a long way away from retirement (I would guess 13 years away from it) – it is like I’m a kindergartener relative to retirement. hahaha!
I actually love my job, so I’m not in a rush to retire (and also am not financially ready to retire), but I am starting to think about it and will start capturing quotes that inspire me about retirement.
Like this one by Bec Wilson (paraphrased by someone):
“It’s a reminder to embrace retirement fully, live it deeply, and appreciate it daily. It’s not just the end of work—it’s the beginning of something rich, meaningful, and entirely yours. Make it Epic.”
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Prime-time (before retirement)
Retirement
- 10 commandments of retirement – here
This video of Bret McKenzie (best known for The Flight of the Concords) dancing in his new music video makes me happy!
Suze Orman, personal finance expert, shared this:
“If you’re helping your adult kids with money, it’s time for a reality check. You might think it’s only $100 or $200 a month—but that “only” adds up fast.
💸 Put that $200 in a Roth IRA for 15 years with a 5% return, and you’d have more than $53,000—tax-free.
Before you cover another expense, ask: is this a need or a want? If it’s a want, stop now. If it’s a need, are you contributing only what’s essential?
And then set a plan. Tell them it’s your goal that in 6 months, they’re covering their own phone, streaming, and rent. That’s how you support them—not just today, but for their future.”
I saw this graph shared by The Pause Life by Dr. Mary Claire. I didn’t save the other details re: actual source, but I found this graph to be interesting.
I am about 6 months after my last menstrual cycle and I have been finding that in the last couple of weeks, my brain fog has been lifting. That feels good.
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Are we over-medicalizing menopause – an article here. (it’s behind a paywall).
Enjoying Our Simple Life 
