| LJ Idol |
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| 10:28pm 14/10/2011 |
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I intend to participate in this year's LJ Idol as I've considered doing it for years and never have. So, this year is my year for giving it a go! Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone. |
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| 10:04am 09/04/2010 |
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mood:  and exhausted
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The extreme fatigue, slight rise in general pain level, brain fog and general ick-ness do not bode well as all are the first signs of a full-scale fibro flare. I *really* can't have one of those at the moment as we have to move out of this place the last week of April and I have to pack things up and then move them and unpack them again.
I just *can't* have a flare now. My left wrist (and arm now) RSD pain is getting worse despite new medication and all my other pain medication.
I have too much to do for this pain and stuff now. |
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| Meme (courtesy of dmwcarol) |
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| 06:41pm 25/01/2010 |
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Reply to this post, and I'll tell you one reason why I like you. Then repost this and spread the love (but only if you want to) |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| Weird Pain |
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| 07:43pm 23/01/2010 |
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mood: sore
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I think my body has come up with the weirdest pain it possibly could. I have trapped nerves in my stomach/gut. On both sides of my stomach about 3 inches from my belly button I have a 1 inch square of burning pain, which is coming from my trapped nerves. It is bloody painful and nothing will ease it off.
As it is I am taking slow-release morphine, co-codamol, nefopam, oramorph, baclofen and sodium valproate daily to treat varying kinds of pain and I can't really add anything else in. I also have capsicin (?sp) cream (made from chillis randomly) to rub in to some painful bits. I'm totally maxed out on pain relief.
My GP is trying to get me into the residential pain clinic in Bath a.s.a.p. to try and sort some of my pain issues as things are really not good. Even with all that pain relief I am not out of pain ever.
Also, once my nerve conduction tests are done and my arthrography results are with the consultant we are going to talk about what next for my wrist. He said the choices surgically are fusion or amputation. Great! Oh well. We shall see. |
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| Neighbours |
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| 01:14am 04/05/2009 |
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mood:  exhausted
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I am tired. I need sleep. No sleep = pain = tiredness = no sleep etc. Hence I am really pissed off that the new neighbours seem to see no issue whatsoever with being outside creating a huge amount of noise at 1.15am. I know the landlady though, as she moved out recently, so I think I may well have to phone her tomorrow and highlight the issues.
This has been going on ever since they moved in. I know they have caused problems for other neighbours too. We even have them throwing stones at the window and things. Its mainly some mid-range age teenagers who smoke, create a lot of noise and hassle some of the older folk who live here.
Not happy about it at all, and there is nothing on tv to amuse me either. |
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| Jobs |
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| 08:21pm 04/02/2009 |
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mood:  accomplished
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I have a job. I start on Monday. I am now officially employed as an Employment Advisor. I will be working with people on the 'Pathways to Work' scheme.
About time something good happened for us! |
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| Craft Meme as nicked from livi-short |
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| 05:24pm 15/01/2009 |
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The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me. It will be about or tailored to those five lucky "victims."
This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:
- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!
- what I create will be just for you.
- it'll be done this year
- you have no clue what it's going to be. It may be something all craft-y like. I may cook you something and mail it to you - though probably only if you live on this side of the globe. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure!
- I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.
The catch? Oh, the catch is that you have to put this in your journal as well, if you expect me to do something for you!
ETA: Obviously you can change the type of things you offer to fit you! |
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| Sick Doggie... |
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| 08:03pm 07/01/2009 |
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mood:  worried
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My little boy is not well :(
He has been sick on and off for a couple of weeks but nothing significant and nothing to make me worry about him and think he needed to see a vet. Until last night. Then he vomited copiously in a short space of time and it did not smell like normal dog sick (more like poo). This being a dog who had surgery to remove a foreign body when he was 6 months old I thought "what's he eaten?".
So, we went off to the vet. She poked about and couldn't feel anything. She said he had a temperature and it was more likely to be infective. He got an antibiotic jab and we were told to starve him and not give him his steroids. She also thinks he may have a stomach ulcer because of his steroid use.
This morning we took him for follow up. We saw the other vet (and I much prefer her). She poked and agreed there was nothing to feel. However because he had been sick again overnight she wanted to x-ray him. The first x-rays showed nothing so they did some contrast x-rays. Again there is nothing significant, although on contrast there does look a little like there may be something in his stomach. His duodenum looks inflamed apparently.
So, he is on antacids (two different ones, totally complicated instructions about what time, what tablet etc, in similar boxes, and I have to try and remember all of it - not as easy as it sounds believe me) at the moment and we have to see how he goes. They said to give him a small bit of tinned sensitivity food, see how it goes and then give him more etc.
I put a quarter of a tin down. He ate about half, walked away and fell asleep on the sofa. He had to stop half way to the kitchen to lay down too. He is not a well boy at all. They have also sent off bloods to the lab as the in-house blood results suggest a problem that may be pancreatitis but are not accurate enough.
me = worried.
If he is sick again tonight he is going to be operated on tomorrow. I hope he is ok. He's like my baby and I hate seeing him ill :( |
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| 05:25pm 17/12/2008 |
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Not much going on here.
Gordon is in hospital as he has a bad infection and is not at all well. He is getting better though which is a good thing.
Sabbie (his guide dog) has officially retired today. There has been some question over her eyes (somewhat ironically) and yesterday tests confirmed that she has retinal degeneration as well as fatty deposits on her corneas. So she is no longer a working girl. She is only 4 and a half, so she is young for having to retire. Its such a shame as she is such a good worker. I suppose you can't really have a guide dog for a guide dog for a human. And without that it would be the blind leading the blind.
I am crap. Pain is horrendous. Medication has been increased and adapted but pain is not calming. I've done my back in too, and they found out I have spinal arthritis and bulging discs. Doctor wants me to go to a residential pain clinic thing in Bath. If I don't get a job I will look into it.
I went to an interview yesterday and should know in the next couple of days if I got it or not. I hope I did because I really want it.
In other news I have a ton of housework and stuff to do and I can't seem to get the energy or inclination to do any of it. Mentally I am falling apart. I don't know how to cope with anything at the moment. I just don't know what to do to stop me falling into a million pieces. And the main source of support that has been keeping me going is not here now. I don't know what the hell to do.
Oh, and we might be homeless soon :( |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| Too Helpful? |
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| 11:16pm 08/12/2008 |
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mood:  amused
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Today I was going to an appointment in a building on the corner of a road, next to a pedestrian crossing. I approached the building from the opposite side to the crossing and as I went up to the stairs into it, a woman approached me. This is the ensuing conversation: (W = woman, M = Me)
W - The crossing is this way
M - Thank you, but I don't actually need to cross the road
W - But that is the entrance to an office building, the crossing is this way
M - Yes, I have an appointment in there, I don't need the crossing
W - But you're going the wrong way to cross the road, the crossing is over here
M - I'm not trying to cross the road, thanks, I have an appointment in this building
W - But those are offices, the crossing is over this way, I'll take you
M - I don't need the crossing, I need to go to an appointment in those offices
W - But the crossing is this way
And so on, and so on, for about 5 minutes. Clearly she thought she was helping the blind gimp find the crossing so they could get into town. All I wanted to do was get to the appointment in the building that I was trying to get in to.
I came so close to losing the plot with her. I don't even recall how I got rid of her in the end.
It was like a scene from a weird comedy sketch show. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry! |
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| Not going well |
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| 10:27pm 14/10/2008 |
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mood: worried
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So, no real good news at the moment...
Gordon is in hospital. He has been having loads of seizures in the last 24 hours and has become really weak and not with it. His speech was really bad and he can't really finish a sentence as he forgets what he wants to say before he gets to the end. He can't even hold a cup of coffee in his left hand (his dominant) as his arm is so weak. He is also having a muscle spasm in that forearm, whilst his bicep has wasted to almost non-existent. He is not in a good way really :( I'm quite worried about him. Anyway they are keeping him until he is better and at least able to get about without falling over all the time.
Sabbie has chronic liver disease. They are not sure what kind yet. She went in for an ultrasound and bile stimulation test on Monday and they want to do a biopsy but are waiting for the liver function tests and a coagulation screening to come back first. It will involve fairly big surgery as they have to open her up to do it. Her future is looking bleaker by the day:(
Life is just bundles of fun round here! |
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| Dog Stuff |
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| 08:04pm 11/10/2008 |
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mood:  sad
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Oscar is still having his skin problems. He is now on anti-fungals and was meant to be having washes with special shampoo but he seems to be allergic to it so I am not sure with that. The dermatologist thinks he has a yeast overgrowth and early atopy. We shall see how he goes. We've had to give him a lampshade collar to wear at the moment as he is scratching more than normal due to the reaction to the shampoo. Hopefully he'll settle soon.
Sabbie has been referred to an eye specialist as she seems to have a retinal problem. However they apparently noted possible multi-focal retinal dysplasia when she was tested before going into training but thought it wasn't causing any problems. It may just be that and she may be ok. That, sadly, is the good news. She has been diagnosed with chronic liver disease. She needs more tests to determine exactly what is going on and how it should be treated. It means she will almost certainly have to retire very soon and she will not live as long as she should. She is only 4 1/2. The vet is really shocked about it as she is so young.
Poor little things are having a really hard time at the moment, and it makes me feel so helpless that I can't make them feel better. |
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| 12:48pm 05/10/2008 |
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mood:  content
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Well, moving happened and we are in the new place. Still totally surrounded by boxes but getting through them slowly. I feel quite settled here which is good. I'm sleeping fairly well which normally takes a while in a new place, although I think that is assisted by the adjustable bed with memory foam mattress. Very comfortable. Anyone who doesn't have my new address, phone numbers etc and wants them do let me know!
My eyes are now officially screwed. I can't really go out without a white cane and even then i manage to fall over nothing. On thursday we were on the way to the hospital after I fell once and knackered my arm when I fell again and knackered my ankle so ended up with an ambulance ride. Mind you, they gave me entonox and I was well away on it. I can understand how women can give birth with that for pain relief as it worked really well for me. On a good day I can use the computer with the text size increased and a magnifier, but I am generally using a screen reader now. I have made contact with the local sensory impairment team to see what help I can get and with a local charity regarding computer training. I have also decided to see if I can apply for a Guide Dog. I am waiting for a first meeting with the rehab worker, hopefully in the next few weeks.
Gordon is teaching me braille. I have been having lessons for a while but they have got more intense now. He says I am doing really well. I am still on the grade one, easy stuff but I am learning new things all the time. Its not that easy to learn but when you get going its not too hard to remember. Its quite fun reading notices in lifts etc. Speaking of which, the sensory impairment team is in the social services building now and there is no braille sign to say which floor you want, and no braille on the lift buttons either. Apparently, because the numbers are raised that is ok. Not if you don't know what sighted numbers and letters are (like Gordon).
So life is pootling on and things are getting sorted here. I am still looking for a job, as is Gordon. There seems to be quite a few things to apply for at the moment so we shall see what happens with that.
Generally, things are good though. |
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| 08:04pm 11/09/2008 |
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mood:  weird
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It's been ages since I wrote anything. Things have been quite busy getting ready for moving (which is happening on the 26th September) and not much else has been happening really.
I have been having problems with my eyes. I've been told I can't drive anymore. I only have a small amount of peripheral vision in my left eye and my right eye only makes 6/20 WITH my glasses on (normal being 20/20). They think my right eye will get to the same stage as my left eye. At the moment the only things they have come up with are some kind of nerve issue deeper in my brain and the fact that the macular reflex in my left eye is slow. Still, it's not really cheering to be told your eyes are fucked, but they are likely to get more fucked. At least G is really supportive and helpful. I guess he understands what it is like to not see anything although he doesn't really grasp how it feels to have been able to see and then to lose it. He is keeping me strong though cos I feel like I could hit a real depression.
I've been feeling really down about some things, my eyes, what happened with my parents, the fact that I am being ignored by my sister. I don't know if the down-ness has anything to do with reducing my anti-depressants or whether it is just life. I guess I'll have to wait and see.
I have a job interview tomorrow. I hope something comes of it. Think good things for me and wish me luck.
Well, that's about it. Better go and do the washing up. It feels really odd being in my mate's house when she isn't here. She'll be back from work soon though.
I'll try and be better at updating, although probably not til after the move now! |
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| 08:27pm 05/08/2008 |
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I have been applying for new jobs. We have decided to move and are going back to where I grew up and spent my youf! This means I have been looking for jobs away from home. This is all quite exciting. We have arranged a place to live for ourselves at a relatively low rent and things are moving along quite nicely. We are hoping to be moved totally by the end of September. I am quite excited and quite scared and quite worried and quite happy all at the same time. It feels weird. |
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| 08:34pm 27/07/2008 |
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Well, We only got home today. On the 13th we went up to my half sister's as it was her birthday and we were going out for dinner. We were meant to be coming back on the 14th, only I was ill. I ended up having to see a doctor as I was vomiting blood. She referred me to the hospital and I was there until the 22nd. I had an endoscopy and an ultrasound which showed I had bad gastritis. Nice. I spent my birthday feeling absolutely awful which was no fun.
Mind you, it wasn't much of a birthday anyway. One of my cousins forgot (although I can forgive her for that as she has an incredibly high-powered job and has been dashing all over Europe for the last few weeks) and my sister didn't bother sending me a card even. Says it all really, especially as I went out and bought her a present rather than just send a voucher for her birthday and even tried to get it to her so she had it before she went away. She didn't even send a card. First year my parents aren't here and she doesn't bother. Why does this not really surprise me? And why does it hurt so much?
Anyway, the other news really is that I have been paid off from work as they decided they were going to 'restructure'. This all occurred because I handed in my notice as we were moving to look after dad, and then retracted it when he died (a day later). Apparently they had decided ways to replace me and want to go ahead with the restructuring they planned. However, in the termination letter it says that they will be advertising soon for new positions for which I am welcome to apply. That makes sense! Oh well.
So, that is all the news. I have loads to do, but for tonight I am just going to rest and sleep. |
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| 05:37pm 08/07/2008 |
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mood:  cranky
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Well, it turned out that G didn't have blood clots, however, he has got pleurisy. He was meant to be coming home today but he wasn't well enough so I am hoping to get him home tomorrow instead. However, they have said he probably isn't well enough to travel this weekend so I think we'll stay for another week.
I have a friend who is getting baptised next Saturday so it'll be nice to be here for that, although I think it will be a little odd spending my birthday here when my parents are not here. Oh well, it's not going to be much of a birthday anyway I don't think so I don't really care. I doubt I'll even get any cards, never mind any presents. I'm too old for all that anyway.
Anyway, I am meant to be going out later on. I don't feel like it, but then I am feeling a bit worn down by life and probably a bit sorry for myself too today. I don't really know why, I just do. I think I just need a bit of peace, quiet and an easy time.
My half sister and her husband came down yesterday to help with some sorting out and they are coming back tomorrow to help too. This will be useful because it will distract me. My sister came yesterday too so I had to shut the dogs away (she's allergic to them), but she's not coming tomorrow so the dogs can run about and do their thing as my half sister and co are very dog friendly.
Well, I'd better get on with some stuff and get ready to go out. It's probably better to ignore my moaning and let me get on with it. Normal service will be resumed soon. |
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| A Break |
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| 09:20am 06/07/2008 |
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mood: worried
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Do I not deserve a break from crappy things before the next round of shit attacks? Is it not enough that both my parents died 12 weeks apart? No, apparently not.
G is in hospital as they think he has both a chest infection and blood clots on his lungs. Great. He is waiting for a CT scan of his lungs which is unlikely to be until tomorrow. He got taken in by ambulance about 3am and he'd had me up (although not his fault) since about 1. So I'm tired but can't sleep, stressed, worried and I have to phone his mum and tell her not to panic but...
Why is life such a pile of shit?
ps. sorry for whingeing. I know there are a lot of people worse off. I'm just fed up. |
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| Life... |
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| 11:47am 23/06/2008 |
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is crap and full of shit and should really just not be allowed to happen. |
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| 11:19am 19/06/2008 |
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mood:  blank
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Things are kind of carrying on like normal, even though they are far from normal. I am not sure how I am coping with everything, I am not even sure I am coping. I suppose I must be on some level because I am still getting things done and the world has not stopped turning.
The funeral is likely to be the 1st or 2nd July. I spoke to my sister on the phone last night to sort out some of the arrangements. It was weird. I think its the first time ever we have spent half an hour on the phone to each other, and we didn't argue at all. It's sad that it takes our parents dying for us to be able to talk to each other and work together.
We decided that we will have family flowers only and donations to the Essex Air Ambulance. They took him to hospital once (years ago) and we can't think of anyone else. We are not having a car to get us to the crematorium. Not a lot of point as they are on the opposite side of Chelmsford to Dad's house so will go straight there. I might just as well take my car. What is the point in having a car just for us?
I spoke to one of my Dad's old colleagues today. He rang because he had got my letter about Dad dying. He is planning to come to the funeral which will be nice. It's a shame that it takes a death to see all the people you've not seen for years.
Why is it when someone dies everyone feels the need to run out the same tired old phrases? I'm sick of hearing "I'm sorry to hear about it" ('why are *you* sorry, what have you done?' is my response in my head), "are you ok?" and "at least he isn't suffering anymore". If I had a £ for every time someone has said to me "well, he wanted to be with your mum and at least they are together again" or something similar I think I could probably go away on holiday! Whilst I accept that this is true in some ways it does get rather frustrating in the end. I'm sure there should be better things we could say in these circumstances, yet we all seem to say the same thing. I know I've done it too when people have died.
Anyway, I'm not sure what the point in all that was. I just needed to say it! |
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