Fuck you depression I worked out today! I fucking did my ab/cardio and I'll do my weights tomorrow too! Stop trying to discourage me and stop telling me it's pointless. I don't give one fuck, not one solitary fuck how down I get because I want to fucking live! I want to do the job I was given and I want to be here to see it done right! I will be the first Burton man to see 80! I will continue being the man I am, who helps everyone he can for as long as I'm here! Kiss my ass depression I am the thunder god!

Later

Cuddles

Just musing really. I love Charlotte, NC. When i was a kid it was this magical place where none of the things that hurt me in KM could reach me. I remember coming here as a kid and being in awe of the tall glass and steel buildings. I could always see the ugliness, but that was ok because they weren't trying to hide it.

Moving here i got to be someone other than the child of addiction that had defined me. I didn't have to be the angry young man. Oh I absolutely was still, but didn't have to be. Nobody here knew i was hated in school, called psycho, freak, and monster. People judged and accepted me as me.

Now I can hear my Charlotte singing her song anywhere I am in her. The interstate, the trains, and the electricity coursing through the city sing me to sleep every night. But most of all I'm needed here. I can make an actual difference.

Later
Cuddles

Ever since I got back from my trip I've had no energy. I don't know if I just wore myself out or it's something else. Im slowly easing back into my routine though.

Later

Cuddles

You found me! This journal was my pride and joy for 9 years before it was hacked in 2009. I should still post more.

Later

Cuddles

Hello journal. They tell me I've changed. Adam says I've matured. Mom says I've lost my anger. They say I'm a better man now. Maybe, maybe I am a better man. Maybe I'm a little more mature(though I'm not wearing pants right now.) But I sure as Hell haven't lost the anger. I grew up a child of addiction. I grew up a child of violence and pain and hurt and most of all RAGE. When I was a kid I use to get so pissed I'd forget to breath and pass out. That should have been a warning sign then. A sign that the rage was here to stay. There's never been a second of my life when I couldn't feel it's warmth. Truth be told I wouldn't know what to do without that heat. See Rage is like a fire. Incredibly dangerous if you can't control it, but the giver of so many blessings when you can. I've been burned by my rage so many times. I've lost good women, friends, family, and jobs from my rage. But it's also kept me alive in the cold cold darkness that is my mind. My rage has fueled my battle against the evil of this world. Rage has forged me into the man I am today, this better man.

No I didn't lose the rage. I know just where it is.

Later

Cuddles

I'm giving Supernatural a try. It's 12 seasons but what the hey right? I may get through a few seasons at least.

Later

Cuddles

I ran Necessary Evil today and it went better than can be expected. I had talks with some Guild dissidents today, and that went well also.

Later

Cuddles

I can't stay negative at work all the time. I have to be more positive. Can't afford to lose this job before it's time.

Later

Cuddles

So I finally broke down and bought a pair of new jeans. The old ones weren't work worthy as they were starting to show their fraying. I still love those jeans though.

Later

Cuddles

I ate some bad food yesterday and got messed up. Sadly I'm looking at you Passage to India. I think I'm gonna hold off on the lunch buffet there for a while and just stick to the dinner.

Later

Cuddles