Mostly Undefined

These are dark times. With the recent catastrophic defeats of left-leaning minority-protecting agendas at the hands of selfish manipulative right-wing bastards who want to "purify" the world... what with the Referendum (I refuse to glorify it with the B word), the Presidential Election, the UK General Election last year... there's probably more that I'm forgetting...

With all of this, two of the most influential countries in the world have become some of the most unsafe places to live, and I'm deeply scared for all of the people I know who are one or more minorities in these countries, who now face years of fear and oppression and suppression and depression...

And... Leonard Cohen, of all people... damn, that song... kinda reads like a prophecy... Just the first verse, even...

( Everybody knows the dice are loaded... )

And now... the prophet is dead. Details as yet unknown, but probably due to factors of old age. 82 is quite old, given how young deaths are happening these days, and that 82 came with a very long career... but... fucking hell, this year has just been bad news chaining into more bad news repeatedly and relentlessly...

Everyone handles this shit differently. The fight-or-flight(-or-freeze) reaction has realized the full gamut of reactions to the most recent Election. I... tend strongly in the freeze dimension (since there's no way in hell that that's a one-dimensional spectrum), minoring in flight... Hence this rather delayed reaction to everything. There are people trying to mobilize and organize others into preparing for the fight back against this... to try and push back against the institutionalized hatred that we face. I... I can't do that right now. And I think that many other people are feeling the same way...

And so my message is this: Take care of yourselves, right now. Take the time to build the strength that you need to get through the next few days... Make sure that you are as strong and as supported as you can be. Understand that there is a need to fight back, to oppose the fear and oppression, to stand up against the onslaught... but understand also that there is a need to make sure that you can stay standing as strong as you can... to keep fighting as long as you can. And that there will be times where you'll feel that you just can't do that... times when you need to recharge, recover, rebuild, recuperate. And those times are just as important... maybe even more important.

2016 was supposed to be remembered as the year that David Bowie died. 2016 was only supposed to blow the bloody doors off.

I hope that 2016 will be remembered. That's a slightly silly thing to say... there's no fucking way it's not going to be remembered... but I hope that it will be remembered not as "the beginning of the end", but as "the end of the beginning". And that... some day, everybody knows that we got through this, somehow.

Because everybody knows that it's now or never...

Addendum: Some practical advice about putting yourself back together in the immediate term.

Part of my December prompts challenge. Master list, and requests thread. Today's prompt: What are some of your favourite geeky things to do? :3 by fascination.

Pick a small topic, why don't you...

As I mentioned yesterday (partially because I knew that this prompt was waiting for me), I am a geek of many interests and domains. Going through all of them could take a while... even a whole month, perhaps; so I'll spare you the length and just mention most of them.

Playing board games - I'm not entirely sure where my interest here started. I think it was being a young $oldname, wanting to play with cards and dice. Probably had something to do with the numbers on them, most likely. And then I grew up, discovered Dungeons and Dragons from someone I was sitting next to at school (although I never had the chance to play it, at the time), then discovered Magic: The Gathering through the demo of the computer game version that Microprose made back in 1996, and then it kinda slid downward from there.

These days, I tend to play board games less for the mathematical amusement and logical thinking, and more for the semi-safe social interaction with people who don't think I'm crazy for being geeky. It's not something that I'll have as much chance to do, now I've moved to the middle of sodding nowhere (and without a large chunk of my board game collection), but I will make do as and when I can. It helps that Sophie is at least not-opposed to playing board games with me, although many of the games that I do have are not best experienced with only 2.

Playing computer games - So this I would say is probably slightly less geeky than playing board games, but probably still geeky. My gaming tastes are pretty varied, but it tends to fall into two broad categories: first person shooters, and puzzle games. There are some games that don't really fall into either of these, but I'm not sure how to categorize them. Sometimes, labels just don't fit. I won't go into details about specific games here, though. (Probably just as well... the less said about certain games outside of their own posts, the better; feel free to pick dates for me to talk about them.)

Modifying games - There's probably only so long you can go with playing games, before you want to start to tinker with them. This tends to happen quite early, if there are things that either annoy me or inspire me. Also, some games lend themselves to this easier than others. This can be trickier with computer games, although some of them do have large and thriving modding communities, with some people going as far as making their own games, using just the engine (the framework) that the game runs on.

Designing my own games - Eventually, the tinkering becomes not enough, and I started coming up with my own ideas. I tend to spend most of my time with this in the mental theorycrafting phase, although I have made a couple of prototypes. I've yet to inflict any of my ideas on other people, though. At least, not in a position of actual testing. Discussion is quite another thing, however.

Understanding how things work - Invariably, this means taking things apart. Occasionally, this also means putting them back together again. Sometimes, they even still work afterwards! I don't do this as much as I used to, largely because things that I want to take apart are often expensive and difficult to replace.

This can manifest in less destructive ways. Something I like to do at times with music I'm listening to is try to listen to or visualize each instrument or element individually. This tends to work best with music formats that are individual sounds with instructions on when to play them, rather than one large sound file.

Various techy things - Bit of a catch-all thing, really. It covers a lot of things, from programming to experimenting with old and new computer environments to amateur electronics, and probably other things besides. There's also our phone system, but that's tomorrow's subject. Or today's, given that it's decidedly after midnight right now.

There are probably other things that I should be mentioning here, but given the time and the fact that I want to be productive tomorrow, I should probably leave it there. Note to self: Start writing these before 7pm...

Via far too many people: Ask me to talk about something, I'll try to talk about it. Will probably discuss just about anything, if I know anything about it. Posts may be delayed some, as I am away from a computer for a few days in the middle of the month, and there are also some things that I want to talk about. Feel free to specify a date, or to not specify a date if you'd prefer.

Mostly, though, just get me to talk about something. Please? Feel free to request more than one thing, as well. I have a couple of things that I'd like to write about on specific days, but am willing to move things around to fit requests.

December 01 - Introductions, requested by kaberett
December 02 - Geeky things to do, requested by fascination
December 03 - DIY phone hacking, requested by sophie
December 04 - Transport, requested by shewhostaples
December 05 - Being an only child, first requested to someone else by liseuse, yoinked, and seconded by nou
December 06 -
December 07 -
December 08 -
December 09 - What I look for in a plushie, requested by asfreeasleaves^Victoria
December 10 - Music, requested by thelinesoflearning
December 11 - Favourite thing about London, requested by kake
December 12 -
December 13 -
December 14 -
December 15 - Away, post may appear early or late
December 16 - Away, post may appear early or late
December 17 - Away, post may appear early or late
December 18 -
December 19 -
December 20 - D&D, requested by thelinesoflearning
December 21 - Bristol, by lurkingcat
December 22 -
December 23 -
December 24 -
December 25 -
December 26 -
December 27 -
December 28 -
December 29 -
December 30 - Looking forward, requested by thelinesoflearning
December 31 -

So, it appears that I'm pretty good at missing National Coming Out Day. I also need to post an update about everything, since it's been far too long that I've written anything of substance. Three major things in my life makes a post, right?

Well, major thing the zeroth: I'm still alive. (And alive enough to see the deep irony in piutting that last sentence in a {strong} tag.)

There have been times in the last year and a half when I've been sure that I wouldn't make it this far. I don't want to go into details, but the fact that I am still alive after everything I've gone through is... I'm not sure I have words for it. I don't even know if I want to find words for it. Life is rapidly becoming one of those things that, the more I try to explain it, the less sense it makes. But now I'm driving, and while I don't have a fucking clue how to actually drive a car (and I consider this to be a good thing), doing this now feels like what I need to do.

Major thing the first: I'm trans.

As I type this, I realise that, despite my previous post about my gender exploration (which covers 2009 to 2011), I've never explicitly used those words. Things have changed slightly with my gender since then, but not on the scale that they did during the timeframe of that post.

To be more specific, I consider my gender to be transfeminine. Or, to put it more fully: Transfeminine, and generally very femme, although not completely female.

My sexuality also has a short answer and a long answer. "Mostly lesbian", and "mostly lesbian, and somewhat asexual, probably demisexual".

Female pronouns ("she/her") are still appropriate, although I am not going to object if you use "they" for me.

Major thing the second: I'm engaged.

( I don't even know where to start with this one... )

Major thing the third: I'm no longer living in an unsafe place.

( And here is where I start rambling... )

So that's been the last 2 years of my life. It's been a long journey, and not one I could have done by myself. So I'd like to take the time now to thank everyone who has helped me along the way. I'm not going to try to name people, because I know that many of those that have helped me would be forgotten, and many that would not be forgotten are unlikely to ever read this. At least two of them aren't even alive, any more...

But to all of you who have helped me, wherever you are: Thank you. I could not have done this without you.

(Edit, December 3rd 19:50 - Although one of you could have at least told me that two seconds do not make a third...)

I guess it all started with a tweet. Actually, no, it didn't start there, but that's where this post starts, at least.

RT @TheBloggess: http://www.mochamomma.com/2011/10/23/wear-the-hell-out-of-it/ Go. Read this right now. Then find your red dress and wear the hell out of it. (Sunday 23rd October, 20:07 PDT by azurelunatic)

It's a very interesting and inspiring post, and one that's well worth reading. Go ahead, I'll wait. While you're there, I'd also suggest reading the post that's linked to in the first sentence. (Accessibility note: none of the images have descriptions)

Reading the tweet reminded me of my own red dress moment, that had happened very recently. But before I tell you about that experience, I need to give you some background information. To tell this story from the start...

It's difficult to pin down the exact starting point; it's sometime in July 2009 though. My memory is telling me the 28th, but it may have been slightly before that. I was sat at home on the sofa, in front of my laptop. It was the evening, or possibly during the night. I was fairly awake at the time, I believe (a common occurrence, even now). I don't remember exactly what I was thinking about at the time, but it suddenly occurred to me that my gender might be more complicated than I had thought it was.

This was a bit of a landmark moment for me. Before this, I had not consciously thought about it being anything other than male. But now suddenly there was this possibility that I might be wrong; that it might be something either slightly or very different from what I had believed for most of my life. In that one moment, my world exploded...

I think that my first thought was to tell someone. To talk about it. At the time (and in the few months previous to this), I was in an IRC channel that talks about gender quite a lot (a significant proportion of the people in there are gender-variant in one way or another), and I thought that there might be a good place to talk about it. But something was telling me to be careful, to make sure that it was going to be safe (for me) to talk about it in there. So I first talked to someone who I believed was in charge of the channel. They told me that while I was free to do so, they couldn't make any guarantees that what I said would stay inside the channel, and not spread beyond it. I thought about this for a day or so, before deciding that I would talk to them about it. I had to wait a day so before I could tell them (if I'm remembering correctly, due to them having to do some running repairs on a server that they run), but eventually, I was able to talk to them about it. Their response was (quoting from memory) "I thought that this might be the case", and in the context of things that we had talked about previously, both in the channel and in PM, they were probably correct to think so.

Over the next few weeks and months, things developed in two different but not opposing directions. Firstly, I started to talk about it more, gradually coming out (as questioning) to some of my friends (when doing this, I tried to think about how they might react; I distinctly remember not telling a few people because I expected a negative response from them) with generally supportive reactions. I say generally, because I do specifically remember two people not reacting as well as I'd hoped. Secondly, I started to see things from my past in a different light. Things ranging from experimenting with my mother's clothes when I was younger (I'm an only child, so there weren't any other clothes in the house to try), my choices in fiction (more on this later), to rather more TMI things, that don't worry, I'm not about to share...

I think that the next important thing that happened in this story was either in March or May 2010 (my memory is hazy on which month it was, only the first letter is certain). I wanted to start experimenting with female clothing, to see what I looked like, how it felt, and... kinda to find my own style. I started looking in charity shops, using the cover story of "I'm buying it for a friend". It was... a rather sobering experience, to learn just what my size is (UK size 28, which is a European 56; not sure what that makes me in US sizes), and that there are very few clothes around at even close to that size. During the first couple of days, I also had a look in a clothing stores, to get feel for being inside one (and being in the women's section), some fashion ideas, and to see which ones actually sell anything even remotely close. And that's when I found the red dress.

I'd been into the colour red for a few months at that point (I think it was soon after I started questioning); previous to this, it was a colour that I wouldn't really go for, but I think that the few months unlocked something inside of me. As a friend of mine put it, red is "a very passionate colour". It was in the store's range for larger sizes, and I found the largest size that they did while looking through them, but it was only a size 26, and I wasn't sure if it would fit. I didn't feel comfortable trying it on (especially as I was still using my cover story), so I just had to hope that it would fit. The girl at the till pointed out that I could always return it if it didn't fit. But it did, probably because it's not on my shoulders (which is the main part of me that makes things not fit). Over the next few months, I started to increase my wardrobe, being mostly successful with buying things that fit without trying them on (I have a couple of items where I guessed a little wrong, and one in particular that I got very wrong).

In August, a chance discovery led to me finding out about Pride Bristol. However, by the time I'd realised, most of the week's events had already happened. But there was still gender night on Friday evening, where there was a showing of a film about gender (I'd put the name in, but I'm on a train as I type this so I can't look it up), with a discussion group afterwards; and the main Pride event on Saturday. Both of them were awesome, and I learnt a lot that weekend. Including what it felt like to be perceived as female, which actually felt right in a way that, at the time, I didn't have words for. Just before I went home, it started to rain very heavily. Most of the sensible people ran for cover, but I decided to just let the rain embrace me. At that moment, I just didn't care. I was finally among people that accepted me for who I am. Of course, I got fucking soaked, but it was worth it.

The next major thing happened at the end of 2010, just before New Year's Eve. I'd come home one evening, (after being out gaming all day), and found myself sitting in front of my laptop again, with the television on, watching Sugar Rush (for those of you who are not familiar, it's a TV series about a girl who is coming of age while coming to terms with being a lesbian; I believe it's based on a book of the same name). And I realised something. Whenever I've indulged myself in fiction, I've always been drawn to stories where the main protagonist has been female, to the point where I've found it difficult to read books where the main character isn't female. I find it telling, for instance, that the only three Discworld series books that I've been able to read all of the way through are Equal Rites, Soul Music, and Hogfather (the first of those being an exploration of the sexist presentation of magic users in fantasy, and the other two focus quite heavily on Susan Sto Helit). Thinking about this that evening, as I was talking my thoughts through with someone, made me realise that my gender was very definitely not male. This was hugely important to me; important enough for me to write a locked post about it. At the time, it felt like enough. I was willing to spend the rest of my life in the gender equivalent of "no-mans' land", if that was where I belonged. I didn't switch to using gender-neutral pronouns until a few months later, though; and in retrospect, I feel that waiting that long may have been a mistake.

In June, while I was spending a weekend away in Cardiff, I decided to try dressing for the first time in public. Partially to see how I felt doing it, but mostly to see if I could do it at all. I managed to do it, although I think that was aided by not really speaking to people that much. I didn't really feel comfortable with what I was wearing, and I couldn't bring myself to take a picture like I planned to. But it was definitely worth doing, as it was a real confidence boost for me, and because of this, I was able to feel more comfortable trying on clothes before buying them, My cover story had served me well, but I didn't need it any more...

By the time August came, I was starting to feel resentful of my previous identity. A photo of myself from 2008, that I used to use to show people what I looked like was becoming painful to look at. This was not particularly helpful when I was planning to meet someone I'd never met before, and I didn't have another photo of myself. I decided to use that day for another attempt at dressing, to see if I could make presenting as female work at a subconscious level, so that my conscious thoughts could be on actually enjoying the day, as well as seeing if I was able to react to someone using the name that I was planning to use (and now am using). Fortunately, we were able to find each other (due to a combination of accurate descriptions of appearance by text and me being the only person at the train station wearing bright pink), and I managed to not completely blank anyone who was using my name (it did take about half a second the first couple of times though, but I don't think that's too bad). I also felt a lot more comfortable (not just with what I was wearing, but in general) that day than my previous attempt back in June.

Looking back, that day was probably the beginning of the end of my journey. I didn't realise it at the time, though. It wasn't until about a month afterwards, when I was talking to a friend online about hair, and mentioning that I don't think I could ever go back to short hair, did I realise that I couldn't go back to anything that I was. That I was happy with who I am, now. That my gender wasn't as complicated as I was prepared for it to be. That I was... no, that's completely the wrong way to say it... that I am female, and nothing that anyone can say or do is going to take that away from me.

In that one moment, as the final shreds of doubt drifted away, it was like all of the splinters of my world, many of which had been flung to the far corners, started to coalesce.

Which brings us to the day of my red dress moment. It was a couple of weeks after that epiphanic moment, during a few days away in Southampton (that had been booked at short notice). I had taken as many of my clothes as I could fit in the suitcase with me, in the hopes that I'd have enough clothes for the whole week (I almost did), and that everything that I had with me actually still fit. And by some miracle, the dress still fits me. It's a little tight taking it off (which I can live with, especially for something like that), but it actually fits me pretty well. But don't take my word for it...

( Cut for large image on your reading page (67kb) )

I wore that dress as we went out for dinner that day, and it felt good to finally be wearing it, after having it for so long. And it also feels good to finally be out, after spending such a long time trying to work things out. I don't really have much of an idea about what will happen next, but I plan to be wearing my red dress for at least some of it...

Stella

Writing this on the train back to Bristol. Seems to be the only time I get to write things, these days.

Overslept this morning, so was in a rush to check out, and in the end was an hour late leaving. He didn't seem to mind too much, though. The walk to Parc Ninian (Ninian Park) was longer than I remembered it being on Friday. Arrived just as a train had passed through, so I had about 20 minutes to wait. Sat down and cried a little, as I realised that I was saying goodbye to a place that bore witness to an important milestone in my life.

It will probably be a while before I am able to type up what happened. By which point, the details will have become lost in the shuffle, as the pointers get reassigned to more immediate memory needs, and the resulting memory leak will persist until some time down the line, when these fragments are found again. If at all. But it's much better this way, without any garbage collection.

My friend RJ has a saying: "It's been emotional". Given everything that has happened this weekend, it really has been...

Rolled up a character last night for a one-off that I'll be playing in sometime soon on IRC. In case you're wondering, the version that we're using is generally known as B/X (if that means nothing to you, a good summary is the version of D&D that was around in the early 80s). I'm recording it here mostly so that I don't lose this information, but have no real need to make it invisible to others.

( All of the dicey details... )

Name: Justalyne Laracal Atgur
Class: Magic-user
Level: 3
Alignment: Neutral

STR: 07 (-1 to hit and damage)
INT: 15 (can read and write, can learn/know additional languages)
WIS: 12
DEX: 13 (-1 AC, +1 to hit with missile attacks)
CON: 13 (+1hp per level)
CHA: 04

Hit Points: 11 (3d4+3)
Armour Class: 8 (9 for no armour, -1 from DEX modifier)

Saving throws:
Death Ray/Poison: 13
Magic Wands: 14
Paralysis/Stone: 13
Breath Attack: 16
Rod/Staff/Spell: 15

Equipment (pending DM approval):
Quarterstaff
Dagger (concealed in boot)Backpack, containing:
Spellbook
2 daggers (one of the daggers has had continual light cast on it)
Silver dagger
Quill
2 vials of ink
Flint and steel
Silk rope, 50 feet
Bedroll
2 days rations
2 flasks of water
3 sheets of parchment
Scroll case

Spells in spellbook:
Read Magic
Magic Missile
Protection from Evil
Ventriloquism
Web
Continual Light

So, the first time I actually update in... I have no idea how long, and it's a meme. Don't worry. Real updating will return at some point. This month. Maybe even this week...

1. Why did you sign up for Dreamwidth?

Because I wanted a place where I could talk about myself openly, without having to worry about how my online identity. It's definitely not a hiding place (I'm known by other names in a few small pockets of the internet, and I don't expect that this pocket will stay hidden forever; I don't even know if I need it to stay hidden). It's just a place where I can talk. When I find the time. And the words...

That doesn't really make any sense, does it. Ok, let's try this: It's a place for me to be me, and for me to find out who and what "me" is. And LJ (by this, I mean the "me" that I was/am on LJ) isn't "me".

Shit... these questions are hard. This is gonna be a recurring theme. I cannot put things into words the way that I want to. I hope to not be using this as an excuse throughout this.

Coming up next: Bitching about trains, and my answer to question 2. And maybe even a proper update...

...I rsync'd my novel to 2 computers instead of 1 tonight. Not just because the 13th is the Official Backup Your Novel Day, but because I've also hit a major milestone.

Current word count: 6087

Yes, that's twice what I did last year, now. And it's only day 13.1ish...

I entered this feeling that I would not be satisfied with anything less than ten thousand words. But now, I find myself feeling that I will be disappointed with anything less than fifteen thousand.

Of course, I'm only on course for about 13700 right now. But that's a minor detail. One that can be thought about after I sleep...

...could someone suggest the idea of doing a post-apocalyptic story about someone trying to reconstruct the game of Countdown, after it had been scattered by a tsunami...

Current word count: 2032

We'll skip the boring crap, and start this story with me being on a train that left Bristol at half past 9. Except now, it's just gone 1, Leeds is a very recent memory, and I've just finished writing down (read: typing in $EDITOR) the booking details of where I'm staying, as well as how to get there. A necessary thing, given that I had left the printout by the printer, and completely forgotten about it until that point.

I'd also just sent a text to Sarah (the friend whose party I am going to; the party is Saturday night, which is flanked by travel days) asking what's fun to do on a Friday night (given that I will be arriving at around 4:30 and won't take that long to dump my stuff off somewhere. She said that she was off to a friend's house to "burn things", and that I was welcome to join her if I catch a train to Linlithgow and then call her once I'm on it. This sounded like a plan.

A plan however, that needed me to know where I was going, and to be carrying less stuff than I had with me. At Edinburgh Waverley, the first challenge was getting out of the station. Via WH Smiths, to buy an A-Z (a rather crucial part of the plan). It was also there that I got my first look at Scottish money. It was rather strange (see attached picture). More about this later.

Once I'd worked out how to escape the station in the general direction of a bus stop (I was going by memory of the notes that I had typed from the phone call from mum, which was effective enough) (this involved dragging my bag up a long slope, which the wheels make both fun and challenging), I walked in what I presumed was the right direction for a bus stop. There were quite a few buses around, and following where they came from seemed to work out well, particularly the bus numbers that I wanted. Memory confirmed with "do you go to Commonwealth Pool?" and a few minutes of tracking current location on the map later, I was there.

Cut to being on the bus on the way back, carrying a lot less. Phone call from Sarah. Mostly trying to find out where I was and how long I would be, but also where I was staying ("quite a long way away" according to her, although it's bussable, so it's not that far; she did however think that £38 a night en-suite with breakfast included was "good for Edinburgh"). Also "buy a single, because we can get a lift back" (s/lift/ride/ if you speak American). I told her I'd leave the logistics of getting me from the station to the house to her. Text message while buying my ticket "do you like Indian food?" Replied a few minutes later "Indian is fine as long as there's no mushrooms. Train just started moving."

20 minutes later, off the train, looking for someone I recognise. Spot Chris (Sarah's boyfriend), and head to the car that he was getting into. Things were talked about, including a rather ominous "did Sarah not tell you about the dogs?" (no she bloody well didn't), and a rather less ominous "once we realised you were on the train behind Chris, we just waited 6 minutes". Linlithgow to Bo'ness was about 10 minutes.

Two of the dogs were very big (long legs and quite tall) and fairly enthusiastically friendly. The other is a lot smaller and can't really see where it's going. None of them (nor the cat) were aggressive. The larger dogs were kept out of the kitchen by one of those things that is designed to keep young babies from going too far ("Yes, they can step over it; no, they don't."). Time was killed while waiting for food and people to arrive by examining the remains of the fire (which was just hedge trimmings), and hearing about the 3 fire engines that turned up at the same time (the neighbours were worried, possibly because it was raining and yet it was still burning).

Eventually, there were 8 of us: Graham and Claire (their house), Fiona (Claire's sister) and Andy (husband), Sarah and Chris, Robert (aka Kiki; the party tomorrow was a joint party for him and Sarah), and me. And lots of food. 9 different curries, 4 containers of rice, 4 naan breads, a whole stack of poppadoms, lots of pakoras, dips and relishes, and a whole pizza box full of "picky bits". Although we managed to put a sizable dent into all of that, there was still easily enough food for 4 left over. I suspect someone will have a good breakfast tomorrow...

Most of the conversation was about a LARP convention that had happened the previous weekend. It's not something I'm into, and not something I think I would enjoy, but I was able to follow most of the conversation. Other topics include how relighting candles work, alcohol, and other things that, like all the best conversations, were fleeting...

We eventually left at 9:30, with Andy and Fiona taking the rest of us back, as they have to get to the other side of Edinburgh. On they way, various sights were seen, including a rainbow. Both ends of it. It was still reasonably light when I got back at 10:30. Bought an hour of internet time on the computers (wifi was more expensive), and used a few minutes to post the short version. Managed to get to sleep at 11, for all of 3 hours...

Tomorrow will be interesting. The wrong type of interesting if I'm feeling tapped out due to lack of sleep...

So, I'm explaining a rather intricate idea I have for a Tetris game mode to a friend over Skype. Some point near the end, he says "This is why you need to design games."

This is gonna be a place where I talk about pretty much anything, but mostly stuff I'm working on.

I'll explain things as I go. Anything that's noteworthy enough to be mentioned in multiple posts will get an intro post. You'll probably need a basic understanding of what I'm talking about to fully get what I'm saying, but hopefully you'll be able to understand parts of it.

Until then, I'll be making this place look a bit less shit. Not really liking S2, but as S1 is dead, I kinda don't have a choice. Expect something minimal...