A Difficult Decision

Family and friends...

We've had to make a very, very difficult decision in recent weeks. After a TON of prayer and processing with our house church, with a counselor, and others, we have decided to let Hayleigh go. She will be moving to another foster home this Saturday, 12/12. This being a public blog, I will not go into detail on all the reasons why this has become necessary. I will say a few things though: Hayleigh is an awesome, sweet, beautiful girl. She also has some deep issues that are very intense, deficits due to a very difficult first 5+ years of life...deficits that Stan and I are unable to continue to try to fill in the context of her living in our home. God has done SO MUCH in her life in her time with us and she has made soooo much progress....and in order for her to continue to grow and heal, He has made it super clear to us that she needs to live elsewhere. We have met and spent time with (and H. has spent time with) her new foster parents on several occasions now. They are wonderful. She will be their only kiddo, other than their granddaughter who occasionally spends weekends with them. We are confident that they will do a great job with her and that they will be able to meet more of her needs than we are able to at this point. This will be difficult for us, and especially for Hayleigh. She will miss us, Tali, her school, our spiritual family at the ROCK, our neighbors and friends.... We will be able to stay connected with her, have visits with her, bring Tali and maybe a few of her friends to see her at times. She has known about her upcoming move for a few weeks now and has actually handled all of this relatively well, which has been encouraging. She seems to be processing really well, seems to feel a good connection with her new foster parents, excitement about going to live with them, as well as a normal, healthy sadness about leaving our home.

Like I said, this has been an incredibly difficult decision for Stan and I to make... We love Hayleigh so much and it is painful to let her go. We know though that this transition is what is best for HER, as well as for our family. On a practical note, we are sending all of her clothes, toys, some movies and CD's, and LOTS of pictures with her....so she will have many, many familiar things around her. We are excited to continue to be a part of her life and pour into her in whatever capacity God allows us to from this point on.

Please pray for her in the next couple days and in the coming weeks. Pray that God will "cushion" her heart, that He'll protect her, that He'll give her supernatural ability to process well, to grieve well, to heal well, to attach well to her new foster parents. Pray most of all that He'll make Himself SUPER real to her during this time and that she'll find comfort and security and identity in Him.

Thanks everyone, yet again, for your support and prayers. I'm totally open to answering questions if you have them. Shoot me an email. [email protected]

Love to all...

Colorado Trip, Thanksgiving, and Birthday Mania!!!

***I have a new set of pics ready on Snapfish. Leave me a comment with your email address, or shoot me an email at [email protected] if you want me to send you a link!***

We had a blast with our family and a few friends in Colorado! We went to be with family for Thanksgiving and got to spend a little time with friends also. Yet again, I HATE not being able to post pics of the girls on this blog...but I'll share some quick pics from our trip that don't include them:

My dear friend Sue :)

Stan and his bro Kirby. Kirby was Stan's Best Man in our wedding.

Tali's cute birthday cupcake! :)

My sweet new nephew, Will! Stan's sister Kelly's son.

Stan and Kelly and Will.

"Super Grandma" spent LOTS of time playing with Hayleigh and Tali.

Grandpa and Grandma, "Kellers" and Will

Every time we go to CO it kills me not to be able to see all of our friends!! Still, we were blessed to be able see a handful of them and to get to spend a Sunday morning at the Littleton Vineyard and see some of our CO church family.

Thanksgiving was spent with Stan's Mom and Dad; his sister Kelly, her hubby Chris, their son Will and their beautiful niece Leyah, and Chris's mom Sue and step-dad Chico. We had a HILARIOUS time playing the pictionary/telephone game that I told you about in a previous post. Sooo much fun!!! :)

We had a quadruple birthday party while we were there also! We celebrated Hayleigh's birthday, as well as mine (the 28th), Kelly's (the 29th) and Tali's (the 301th). Whew! Fun times! Thanks to Kelly for hosting and planning everything!

Back on the home front now.... Tali is a BLAST these days! I can't believe she's a year old already. Just when I think she can't possibly get any more FUN (or funNY!), she does! Early one morning while we were in CO, she was hanging out in Stan's and my bed with us for a bit...She was laying there saying, "Hiiii Da-da," over and over. Cuuuuuute! Talk about melting our hearts!! Today in the bathtub she was playing with her rubber ducky and was trying to say "Ducky." She signed "hungry" to me today when I asked her if she was hungry and took 5 steps this afternoon on her own. I am continually blown away by how QUICKLY she is learning these days. I know it only accelerates from here and I'm so excited to get to be in on these milestones with her. It is so much fun.

I guess that's about it for now.... We have our Christmas tree up and partially decorated, finally. Tonight Hayleigh and I made paper snowflakes to go on the tree. They're cute and fun...Stan made one too! :)

Hope you all are enjoying this season and remembering to slow down and encounter Jesus in the midst of it. His amazing love and His pursuit of our hearts are made more real to me when I think about an all-powerful, holy God coming to Earth as a baby so that we might have life-changing friendship and partnership with Him. Wow. He is good. Remember to celebrate His goodness this Christmas season.

Love you guys!!

"Oh What a Beautiful Morning..." and Other Stuff :)

Hi all! I wanted to share with you a couple pix of what we woke up to this morning! Granted, it was only maybe 1/2 of an inch....and it's pretty much all gone now...but it was really pretty for a few hours! The first snow of the season is always so exciting to me! :)



In other news, a few days ago I finished this painting for Hayleigh, for her birthday (this coming Thursday, the 19th - she'll be 6.) Just wanted to share it with you guys.

Here's a "halfway finished" picture:

And here's the final product:

A quick Tali update: She took 4 steps in a row on her own the other day, and 3 on her own today! She is getting soooo big! She also has 2 teeth coming in on top now, for a total of 4 CUTE little chompers. :) Blessings to you, friends! Hope you're all well and enjoying Jesus and life as we head into the holiday season.

The Itsy Bitsy Spider, Poisonous Sun Rays, and a New Painting :)

Can you get any more RANDOM than that post title?!?!

Last night (Wednesday) our house church met at our house. Jason and Candy being out of town, we decided we needed some PLAY time! :) We prayed for a few minutes after dinner, and then ended up breaking out the Pictionary game, splitting up into teams, and having a blast. Then we played a couple of rounds of "Telephone" - the old game where you whisper something into each other's ear, it goes all the way around the circle, and then the phrase ends up completely different from when it started. And THEN, Summer suggested a different version of Telephone, one in which you start by writing a phrase on a piece of paper, then the next person reads that phrase and has to illustrate it, and then the NEXT person looks at that picture (not at the original phrase) and has to guess what the first phrase was....and on it goes until your original phrase (and all the pictures and phrases following yours) have made it back to you. Hopefully this is making sense....because I want to show you something that I think is hilarious! :) This was my original phrase - - "The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout." Following is the morphing "journey" my phrase went on before it was returned to me! :) I laughed so hard I cried! Ha!

(You've definitely gotta click on these pics in order to get the full
benefit of the HILARITY of it all!)

I also wanted to share with you really quickly a "work in progress" shot of the painting I'm working on for Hayleigh for her birthday. I spent a couple more hours on it tonight and it's almost done. This picture was from earlier this morning. I will post a pic of the final product maybe sometime tomorrow.


I am super excited to be beginning work in the next few days on 3 custom Etsy orders - 2 custom collages, and one painting for a baby girl's nursery. Yay! This stuff is so much fun. The Facebook fan page giveaway is progressing wonderfully, and Unforced Rhythms (see fan box to the right) is quickly closing in on 100 fans....Hmmm....what should we do when we hit that mark? Any ideas?

Hey, quick sidenote: we might get SNOW next week, I hear!! Woohoo! :) Hope you are all well!! Blessings!!
~D~

UNFORCED RHYTHMS' FAN PAGE - IT'S OUR FIRST GIVEAWAY!!

Hi Friends! Just had to let you know about my first giveaway for the purpose of promoting my Etsy shop, Unforced Rhythms (see Etsy store button on the right side of this page). This is super fun.... Check out my fan page (click the Unforced Rhythms' fan box on this blog, down and to the right) on Facebook to find contest rules and other important information, and then enter to win one of two prizes. There are several ways you can enter, and you can be "entered" up to 4 times!

Sooooo, here's a sneak peak at prize numero uno:




As a side note, Hayleigh and I walked home from school the other day. The weather's been GORGEOUS here lately. Here are some of our finds from our walk home. :)


Hope you all continue to enjoy your fall! Thanksgiving is coming (Along with Hayleigh's birthday, my birthday, Tali's birthday...AND.... my grandpa's and my brother's and Stan's sister's, and my dad's birthdays! Woohoo! :) )

Ladies and Gentlemen, Myrtle the Tye-dyed (sort of!) Thanksgiving Turkey!

Here she is, as promised:

A Yodeling, Combing Bug....and a Tye-dyed Turkey

Sooooo, we had house church tonight...we love our HC crew so much. Now I'm sitting here in bed thinking through today's events and I realized a few of HIGHLY important (well, important in MY world anyway) things that happened today! :)
1. Tali taught herself to yodel. Ha! It was so funny... I had put her down for a nap and she was sitting in her crib talking to herself for a few minutes... and she started experimenting with her voice, which she does fairly often these days, and ended up coming up with this sound that was very much like a yodel. :) Cute and FUNNY!
2. Tali grabbed the comb that I use to comb her hair...and started trying to comb her own hair! It was AWESOME! Smart girl!!!
3. We finished Hayleigh's turkey (this was a homework assignment that I mentioned in a previous post). It is very....unique...and cool... and borderline tye-dye. :) I'll post a pic or two of her (Myrtle!) tomorrow.

There ya go! There's the latest in our world today. Good night all!
~Dana

A Quick, Fun Discovery: BlogFrog!

Hi again everyone! I discovered this really cool tool - the "Recent Visitors" widget by the BlogFrog. :) If you'd like a quick, easy way to let us know you stopped by, look down on this page to your right and find the "Recent Visitors" box. Click the "Want to Show Up Here?" link. It will take you to the BlogFrog website where it only takes about 30 seconds to set up a free account. This way whenever we view each other's blogs, the "viewed" blog will keep record of our visits. Totally fun. Just wanted to share.

Loving Fall and Just Had to Share!

Hi friends! I've tried a few different things this fall that I've never tried before - namely, FOOD. This being my first fall as a "mom," it's been a GREAT opportunity to try new recipes out on our family. :) A month or so ago my good friend Tracy and I made apple pies and apple crisp together. She taught me how to make them both in one afternoon while our kiddos played together for hours. It was such a blast!




For Halloween we totally gave in and carved a pumpkin with Hayleigh - a FUNNY (not scary!) -faced little guy, appropriately named JACK. :) His "guts," (the seeds) were calling my name and I decided I needed to learn how to roast them...so I did! I used this recipe - http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Roasted-Pumpkin-Seeds/Detail.aspx. Super yummy and very easy to make! Even separating all the "goop" from the seeds was easier than I'd expected! If you've never tried roasting pumpkin seeds, you definitely should give this a go.



One last piece of advice: my friend Tracy recommended baked apples to me, so I googled them and came up with this simple recipe - http://allrecipes.com/recipe/baked-apples/Detail.aspx. Talk about YUMMY!?!? I don't use green apples like the recipe calls for - I just use red - whatever's on sale at the grocery store. I've made these a couple times in the last few weeks for dessert at dinner and they are a hit with our entire family! This is a GREAT fall treat that's too easy NOT to try!




One of Hayleigh's homework assignments this week is to decorate a turkey as a family. It's a great activity to do together and is a FUN reminder that Thanksgiving is quickly approaching! I'll make sure to post a pic or two once we get her (I think we're naming her Myrtle.) completed.

Hope you all are enjoying your fall....anyone pulling out the Christmas music yet? I will be doing so the INSTANT we have another high temperature under 55 degrees! Mark my words! :) I can't wait much longer!

Happy fall, and blessings to all! (Please pardon my cheesy rhyme! :) )

Happy 11 Month Birthday, Tali!

Is it POSSIBLE that she is 11 months already?!?! Time has FLOWN by since we got her on Dec. 2, at 2 days old. Wow. She will be a year old on Nov. 3o.

Over the last few weeks, Tali has absolutely BLOSSOMED. I don't know if that sounds cheesy or not... but it's the best way I can think of to describe what is happening to her. Her personality is becoming more and more clearly defined. She is SO MUCH FUN, hilariously funny, and super smart. She is signing and understanding the words "More" and "All finished". We are now working on "please" and "hungry," and of course "Mama" and "Daddy." She understands more and more every day. She loves looking at herself in the mirror - just grins and laughs at herself. She waves "hi" and "bye-bye." Every time I take her up the stairs for a diaper change or a nap, if there are people in the living room, she waves as we go up the stairs. (Um, MELTING?!?!) She smiles and reaches for pictures of herself with Hayleigh and seems to recognize herself, Hayleigh, and Stan and I in pictures. Yesterday I left her with our friend Vicki for a bit and for the first time, she cried as she realized I was leaving. (Yes, melting again!) She is finally starting to clearly demonstrate her attachment to Stan and I. :) We are reading to her more and more and she is getting better at paying attention, engaging, really looking at the pictures, even trying to help us turn pages! She is crawling at HIGH rates of speed (she's FAST!), pulling up on anything and everything, even letting go for several seconds at a time and standing on her own. She has really good balance! She has taken one or two steps on her own before choosing to sit down or to "lunge" toward wherever it is that she's going. I'm thinking she'll be walking on her own by Christmas at the latest....we'll see. :) Table foods are a whole new world for her right now - we can feed her ALMOST anything if we break it into small enough pieces. She's digging "baby foods" less and less and is really loving: shredded cheese, lunch meat, bread, cheerios, bananas, little pieces of grape, green beans, corn, noodles.....the list goes on. It is SO fun. AND.... TODAY.... I noticed that her top teeth are finally coming in! YAY! And what's even better is that she is not acting like they're bothering her at all! Praise God!!!

Anyway, just had to send out a "Celebrate Tali" email.... I can't believe her first birthday is coming so quickly. Actually, Hayleigh's birthday (she'll be 6!) is Nov. 19th, mine is the 28th, and Tali's is the 30th! (My brother's, my sis-in-law Kelly's, and my grandpa's birthdays are also in November, and my dad's is Dec. 2.) We will have one busy month!!!

We are so enjoying our "Bug!" Just when we think she is absolutely AMAZING and AWESOME, she suddenly becomes even MORE amazing and awesome! :) Ha! I so wish I could post pictures.... if you're not on my "Snapfish" list and you'd like to receive our photo updates, drop me a line and let me know. [email protected].

Sidenote - there are several new items in my Etsy store (http://danalynnb.etsy.com) , and I'm finishing up another project right now. New facebook fan page, too! If you have a fb, fan me! :) (search Unforced Rhythms - I should come up.)

Love to all! Happy almost November!!! YAY! :) Enjoy your extra hour of SLEEP tomorrow night! DOUBLE YAY!!
:)
Dana

And the Waiting Continues....

Sooooo the "potentially 5 - 6 hour trial" today lasted a total of 20 minutes. Argh. They postponed the actual trial until January...if Tali hasn't been placed with her birth mom yet. So....we will likely have Tali through the holidays, and that's about all we know. :( I guess the other thing we know is that we're waiting on the state of MO to approve mom's current housing as appropriate for Tali to live there. They may or may not approve it. They will most likely take a few months to either approve or deny. KS cannot place Tali there if MO denies it. Sooooo, that is really all we know at this point.

Thanks so much everyone for praying and standing with us. The waiting continues....AGAIN. God is faithful to meet us and sustain us in the midst of it.

We love you guys!

"The king's heart is in the hand of the Lord!"

Wow, posting 2 days in a ROW?! What is going on here!? :)

I just HAD to write a quick blurb on here because the Lord just pointed out something SO COOL to me. Today's the 19th of October so I picked up the Bible to read Proverbs 19....and then decided to glance ahead to Proverbs 21 since the 21st is our court date, just out of curiosity. Do you KNOW what the VERY FIRST VERSE of Proverbs 21 is?!

Prov. 21:1
"The king's (substitute JUDGE'S ) heart is in the hand of the Lord; He directs it like a watercourse wherever He pleases."

"WOW!" was my LOUD response to reading this verse. Could God be any more CLEAR in reassuring us that HE is in charge here? Not the state, not the "system," not the judge or the caseworker or anyone else....but the LORD. God directs the Judge's heart and decisions.

Thank you Father for reminding me of what is true...

Court this week for Tali's case....and lots of other stuff too!

Dear ones,

I apologize for my utter LACK of communication in the last few months! I am so sorry! Bottom line, when it comes to Tali's case, I just have had NOTHING to say. Things are still very much up in the air, at least as far as I can tell. I can't share much on here because this is a public blog, but I will tell you that we go to court again this Wednesday morning at 9am. This hearing could be very pivotal as far as the direction of this case. Mom has made some progress but no one knows for sure if it is enough. This hearing could last for 30 minutes or for 6 hours - our social workers have been told to block out their entire Wednesday on their calendars. Stan and I will both be there.

Please pray. Stan and I are praying like never before right now. I can't speak for him at this moment, but for the last few days I've had such a sense of peace over this court date... I do not know what will happen...but I do know that Jesus is GOOD, is infinitely more committed to Tali than we are, and is worthy of our trust.

In other, more FUN news.... Tali started crawling in the first part of September and has gotten SO fast!! :) She is seriously getting around and I am UN-decorating our house more every day! :) She is also pulling up and cruising (meaning, holding onto furniture and walking around). She will occasionally let go of whatever she's holding onto and stand by herself for a second or two before she realizes she's on her own and quickly plops down. :) Her personality is blossoming more each day. Yesterday she finally started signing "All finished" to me at the end of her meals! I was so excited! She actually GETS what she's saying! She can wave "hi" and "bye-bye..." but only when she feels like it! :) Ha ha... She claps her hands at us when we clap for her, and continues to make her famous "dinosaur" noises off and on. Oh MAN, this girl is cute and FUN!!!! We are loving every moment we have with her.

Hayleigh is in Kindergarten, half days. Her school is only a block away from our house, which is so nice! She is doing fairly well, learning social skills, learning how to BE within a structured environment, learning how to be teachable. It is difficult for her, but she is making progress. She still has lots of catching up to do, acedemically, socially, emotionally, etc. She is having FUN though and LOVES to go to school. She continues to be such a good "big sister" to Tali - the way they play together cracks me up and makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. :) Hayleigh can make Tali laugh like no one else can! It's awesome. Now that Tali can crawl they sometimes "chase" each other around the living room, both laughing hysterically the entire time. The girls are super DUPER bonded to one another. I love watching them together.

Hayleigh's behavior, which HAD improved SIGNIFICANTLY over a period of several months, is back to being very difficult for us to deal with. This looonnnng process is really wearing on her...and the more comfortable she gets with us, the more prone she is to demonstrate her grief and intense anger by being defiant toward Stan and I. Please pray for wisdom, patience, and the heart of God for us. We want to unconditionally love her and accurately represent the love of her Father in heaven for her. We want to shepherd her heart and not simply correct her behavior. God, give us grace!! Even in the midst of this aspect of parenting being extremely difficult, we have had breakthroughs with Hayleigh, moments where the Holy Spirit softens her heart and she experiences real repentance and reconciliation with the Lord. It is so sweet to be a part of those moments. Please pray that we will have MORE of those!

As far as the rest of life goes....we are totally enjoying our spiritual family at the ROCK of KC and our other friends in the KC area also. My good friend Tracy had her baby boy, Boaz James last week and we are so excited for their family! Hayleigh can't wait to meet him. :) The ROCK had our annual "family reunion" last week, where all of our house churches from different parts of the country come into KC. We had a BLAST in the presence of God together, worshiping, connecting, surrendering our hearts even more deeply to loving Jesus and walking out His purpose in the earth. God is so good to us!

The weather has been chilly here, a fun (fun for ME anyway - I love cooler weather) reminder that the holiday season is quickly approaching. I hope you all enjoy pulling your sweaters out and baking and lighting candles and drinking hot chocolate and all the other fun stuff that comes with fall! Blessings to you, our dear friends and prayer partners! What would we do without you?!

ANNND.....We're Still Clueless.

Hello everyone,

Court was yesterday morning. Thanks to all who prayed!! Sorry for my belatedness in getting this post out there.... Yesterday was a little hectic, AND, I just didn't know what to say because I feel so unsure of what all of this means for us. Tali's case has been continued AGAIN until October. At that point I think one of 2 things will happen: Either birth mom will have made significant progress toward stability in her living situation and income situation, OR, Tali will be deemed a "child in need of care" (she hasn't been "in need of care" this whole time?!) and the case could still continue for months and months from that point. Argh.... The judge did acknowledge yesterday that he knows that Tali needs permanency and can't wait for an indefinite period of time....but he and all of those involved seem to be pretty bent on giving her birth mom every last possible chance to have her....even after 7 kids.....which blows my mind.

Anyway...I'm sure you can hear the frustration in the tone of my writing this time... I just can't believe how long they're letting this thing drag out after how many children she's lost previously...and I'd really like to see them have TALI'S life and future well-being as their top priority instead of what they seem to be doing. The truth is that the longer this case takes, the older she will be....and the older she is if/when reintegration with mom happens, the more damage it will do to her emotionally, attachment-wise, etc.

BUT...God is bigger than ALL of this. We have to maintain that perspective. He is able. He will make a way where there seems to be no way....whether that "way" is for her to be with us, or to protect her heart and ours if/when she has to leave us. He IS worthy of our trust no matter what our circumstances look like.

Okay...I've gotta scoot. I have to go to the dentist this morning for 2 fillings. Bleh. I'll talk at you guys later.... Thanks for your friendship and prayers. Love to all.

In Honor of the Bug....

Here's a song for Tali that has evolved over the last couple of months....just about all the funny things she does that make us laugh. :) I thought you all should be a part of some of our silliness. :) Hayleigh loves to sing this song with us....and I think Tali recognizes the tune because she smiles when she hears it. :) Enjoy.

(To the tune of Oh Christmas Tree)

Oh screaming bug, oh screaming bug
How frequent is your screaming
Oh screaming bug, oh screaming bug
How frequent is your screaming
You scream between your bites of food
And just for fun when strikes the mood
Oh screaming bug, oh screaming bug
How frequent is your screaming

Oh grunty bug, oh grunty bug
How numerous your gruntings
(repeat)
Not only when the poop is near (sorry everyone if TMI)
But also when you're clean and clear
Oh grunty bug, oh grunty bug
How numerous your gruntings

Oh reaching bug, oh reaching bug
How often do you grab things
(repeat)
You grab our food while in your chair
You stretch our clothes and pull our hair
Oh reaching bug, oh reaching bug
How often do you grab things

Distract-O Bug, Distract-O Bug
So easily distracted
(repeat)
You laugh at Hayleigh and watch Stan
While eating from another's hand
Distract-O Bug, Distract-O Bug
So easily distracted

(I have a new album ready on Snapfish - drop me an email if you want to see our most recent pics. [email protected])

7 Months Already?!

Hello my blog-reading friends! :)

Happy Independence Day to all! :) Hope you all have a fantastic weekend thanking God for our freedom. Thank you Lord for those who have served and are serving our country. I honor my Dad, my brother Aaron & his family, and my Grandpa (Colonel) Agre for their sacrifices for our freedom.

Just wanted to post a quick blurb to say happy 7-month birthday to Tali! I cannot beLIEVE it's been that long since she came to us (well, in 2 days it will have been that long). She's growing so much, getting cuter by the day, and hitting developmental milestone after milestone. It's so exciting and fun to watch her grow!

Here are a few recent accomplishments:
-She is eating baby food now about 3 times a day and really enjoying it (except for peas - she is NOT a fan of those).
-She can bear her weight with her legs now when we help her stand up and hold onto her hands.
-She's learning to enjoy being in the water - loves the pool. Likes to splash. :) Oh...and at bathtime, she pretty much SOAKS me because she spashes so much. Lol!
-She's talking like crazy - A-wah-wah-wah-wah.... A-ba-ba-ba-ba....I'm waiting for ma ma ma ma ma... :)
-As of this past weekend she now has TWO teeth!! Woohoo! Those bottom 2 have popped through and are making their way up gradually.... She's been fussier than usual for the last several days. We are loving Ora-gel (sp?) and baby Tylenol.
-She's also becoming really affectionate with me - intentionally laying her head on my shoulder, pressing her cheek up against mine....She just grins when I give her kisses on her cheeks...She pretty much MELTS my poor little heart! :)
-She's starting to reach for me to pick her up, just a bit....
-She's rolling over both ways and getting around a little like that....I'm waiting for her to start scooting. We're gonna have to totally baby-proof soon....move all our decorations up high, etc... Here we go....

Hayleigh continues to be a GREAT "big sister" to Tali - Tali adores her - smiles at her all the time. Hayleigh's good at making her laugh and playing with her. It's pretty sweet to watch them together.

Hayleigh is doing better and better, gaining a better understanding of consistant love, correction, etc.....learning that correction = love. The last 4 nights have been great with her....she's slept all night...or if she's woken up, she's gone back to sleep on her own. Praise God!

Anyway.... there ya go. That's the latest from our world here. We love you guys, and, as always, we SO appreciate your prayer partnership. Hope that you're all well.

~Dana

Gettin' Into The Groove

It's been a few weeks, so I wanted to update you all on our lives as of late. Thanks so much to all of you who have been praying, praying, and praying some MORE! We have needed your prayers desperately and are more thankful than we can tell you for your partnership in that way. Thank you!!!!!

I have to start this update out by saying GOD IS GOOD. LIFE IS GOOD. :) We are getting into a "doing-life-together rhythm" in the Butler home these days. Woohoo! It feels good.

In the last several weeks we have: Lost lots of sleep, had lots of intense discipline/correction moments with our precious girl (we call her our doodle :)), been brought to the end of ourselves, the end of our wisdom, the end of our own strength....AND.... we have experienced the grace of God sustaining us in ways we never dreamed possible. Praise God - Where our strength ends, His begins. He continually gives us wisdom, enables us to forgive over and over and over and over, pulls our perspective back into alignment with His perspective....He reminds us over and over to seek His heart toward Hayleigh and to fight through our own human emotions to see her through His eyes.

We are falling in love with this girl. She has been through some major trauma and is affected by it in a hundred different ways....but, slowly but surely, we are seeing God transform her heart. She is becoming so much more secure, more accustomed to our routines (working on letters and numbers, visits with her family weekly, weekly dance class, bedtime routines, etc...), learning to understand having consistent consequences for her behaviors, etc... Over the last 2 days in particular she has been an absolute DELIGHT to us! She is making more and more GOOD choices, learning to obey the FIRST time she's told, learning to talk to us with respect... She's even BARELY beginning to be okay with us being in a different room from her for a moment or two at a time. Major progress here!!! :)

God has taught both of us so much about Himself and about ourselves over the last month that she's been in our home. For me personally, here are a few things I've learned:
-God's promises to lead us, to give us wisdom if we ask Him, are so REAL and so RIGHT NOW for me....for all of us. We ask, He gives....wisdom, grace, insight, discernment.... He is faithful to respond when we are faithful to ask.
-When I don't have one more ounce of strength left, physically or emotionally, HE comes and fills in the gaps. Where I am weak, He is strong...and He receives glory.
-I have learned that we can't do this on our own. We've always known we've needed our friends and family, but now that need is so much more in my face. I have learned that I need to do a better job asking for practical help from the people in our lives. God created us to need one another within His body.
-I've learned that, as a parent, I am SOOOOOOO influenced by the way I was parented!! Multiple times a day, I do things my mom did when I was little, say things she said, sing songs to Hayleigh that she taught me..... I am so thankful for my godly parents. (One example: I think I say "because I said so" at least 10 times every day! :))

Soooo.... in a nutshell, even with how HARD this has been, and I'm sure will still be off and on, I am fully alive as I lay my life down day-in and day-out caring for both of our sweet girls. I think Stan would say the same, though I want to ask him if he'll write a post from his own perspective. One quick thought on him - - He deserves the DAD OF THE DECADE award. :) This has NOT been easy for Stan and yet he continues to love and serve and lay down his life.... Over and over again I've watched him press into the Lord, in spite of his emotions, and fight for God's perspective on Hayleigh....asking Him over and over for His heart for her, etc.... Stan is doing so, so well and I am blown away by the man that I married.....and I'm madly in love. :)

Finally...our spiritual family is amazing. Stan and I are beginning to have date nights more regularly. I played on the worship team this morning for the first time in a month. (It was so good for my heart!!) These things wouldn't be possible without people babysitting and loving on our kiddos for us.... Thank you!!! We have had people offer to come clean for us, cook for us, etc.... God is prompting people to serve us in practical ways like these and we are soooooooo thankful!!!! Like I said before, I am learning to admit my needs, my limits and my need for rest, for time with my hubby, etc...and God is so faithful to provide for us through our spiritual family and friends here.

To those of you who are far away, thank you for how much you are praying.... I know I said this before but I'll say it again - we cannot do this without your prayer partnership. THANK YOU.

Both girls still have long roads ahead of them before permanency will be established for them. Please pray that God will have His way in their lives and in ours. Much love to you all!!

(I forgot to mention - if anyone wants to see pictures of our last few weeks, drop me an email: [email protected].)

Slowly But Surely....

Slowly but surely, we are making headway. God is so good. I'll tell you what I mean.

We got Hayleigh on Thursday, so we've had her about 2 and a half days now. Tonight, Saturday night, is her third night here. Stan worded it really well when he was on the phone with a friend tonight. He said something to the effect of: "It is a privilege and a challenge. It's like a complete emptying of myself. I'm learning the real meaning of love." In the last few days we have done our best to: play hard; hug a lot; give lots of affirmation for good choices; provide consistent, predictable boundaries; and to love with wide open hearts. We have introduced her, in bits and pieces, to God, to Jesus, told her over and over about His love for her. Tonight at bedtime we read the story of the prodigal son and talked about how God loves us all the time, even when we make wrong choices, how He waits for us tell Him we're sorry and He's so happy when we ask Him to forgive us.....we had a really good conversation about God and His rules and how He asks us to follow them because He loves us and wants to keep us safe....and how the rules Stan and I make for her are because we love her and want her to be safe. We've definitely had some obedience issues in the last few days, but this afternoon we made it for probably 4 hours without any major disobedience. Progress!!! Praise God. I think that, slowly but surely, she is becoming more secure here, feeling more safe, more loved and cared for. Consistent (but compassionate) boundaries breed security, and we're already starting to see that paying off a little bit. I believe things will continue to get better.

For those of you who pray for us, here are a few specific prayer requests:
-We are asking God for wisdom and discernment as we parent Hayleigh. We want to see through her actions into what's really going on in her heart.
-Pray that Jesus will be the healer of her heart, even now while her feelings of grief and loss are so intense.
-Pray she'll encounter God's love for her in ways that she can understand, and that she'll understand her need for Jesus to be her Savior and her Lord.
-The current situations of her various family members (birth mom, father, grandparents, etc) are all very messy, to put it mildly. Pray for supernaturally quick resolution to her case so that she can have permanancy QUICKLY, wherever that may be.
-Here's an interesting delima we're facing: Hayleigh adores Stan (and has a blast with him!) from the moment she wakes up, until it's time to get ready for bed. At that point, she suddenly doesn't want to be around him, doesn't want him to be in her room while we read stories and pray, will hide her head in the pillows and refuse to talk to us if he comes into the room. :( It's very sad. I've asked her why she doesn't want him in her room and can't get a clear answer from her. Tonight she said she didn't know. I have a few guesses as to why but nothing for certain. We really need wisdom on this one because it's important that she learn to really trust BOTH of us, not just me. Please ask God to give us insight into what is behind this.

Okay, that's it for now. Thanks so much to all of you who are praying - we need it now more than ever. Love y'all!

Here We Go Again!

As I write this it is 7:15 in the morning. Tali-bug is still asleep. I have a bowl of half-eaten cereal beside me. I have no idea why I just told you about the cereal. Ha... Need to set the scene, I guess. Lol.

Anyway.... last night Stan and I made a decision to take a 4&1/2 year old girl, Hayleigh. Tali and I will be going to pick her up today from her current foster home, where she has been for the 2 days that she's been in state custody. She's been through some intense things in the last few days, events that I'm not sure I can share at this point, since our blog is public. And I'm not even sure I know all the details yet.

What I can tell you is this: Yesterday I was talking with my friend Danielle and I said something like, "I don't know if I can do this again - have a child in our home without a guarantee of adoption - it's so painful, so hard, such a roller coaster...." Then when I got home from being with Danielle I had messages waiting for me about this precious girl....and after my initial conversation with Stan about it (in which he said he felt good about it, but that we'd talk about it after work), I think I felt the Lord asking me if I was willing to accept this invitation into sharing in His heart for this little one....willing to go on this journey again with another child. In talking with Stan over dinner, I found myself saying, "I want to KNOW Him. I want to accept these invitations from Him into experiencing His heart. I know God's not MAKING us do this, but He's inviting us into it...." We talked for a while and decided we would go for it. So here we go. Yikes! I'm feeling the magnitude of this decision this morning. Jesus, help us! We've never done this before. I feel like we're a bit "in over our heads"... but isn't that the way Jesus wants us to live? In over OUR heads, but never over HIS. He is our life source, and He asks us to lean into Him for strength to do the things He leads us into....so we will. I am so thankful that He is sovereign and in control in all of this, and that He will have His glory in our lives and in these kids' lives. Even in the midst of this uncertainty that feels so overwhelming, He is good and worthy of our trust.

Psalm 28:7
"The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped...."

We are so thankful for all of you guys and your prayers and friendship. Please pray for us, for Hayleigh, for Tali and her adjustment, etc... in the coming days. Will post more info when we have it.

Surprised Yet Again....

Welllllllll, the roller coaster continues. Court was interesting this morning - kind of threw all of us for a loop. Yup, ANOTHER loop. Good news is that we still have Tali, probably for at least a couple more months. Some news came in (yesterday, I think) from the state of Missouri regarding her birth mom's previous cases that made the court seriously have to re-examine the direction things were headed. They have ordered a psych. eval. on the birth mom that she is willing to submit to. They are also STILL waiting to hear from Missouri on whether or not the birth mom's current home is appropriate for Tali to be placed in. The KS judge thinks that because Missouri red tape takes forever, it'll be a couple more months before they hear back on that issue.... Next court date has been set for July 28th.... So it's likely, but not definite, that we'll have her in our home at least until then. Cool thing is, by then, Tali will be much more obviously demonstrating her attachment to Stan and I...and MAYBE, just maybe, her birth mom will see that and realize that it would do her damage to remove her from our home. We'll see....

For now, we are thrilled to still have our little bug....and hangin' in there, trusting Jesus, knowing that anything is possible for Him. He will have His way.

Love you guys! Thanks for ALLLLL your prayers!!

Quick Update/Prayer Request

Hey everyone, wanted to fill you in on something really quickly and ask for prayer. Our caseworker (Tali's caseworker) encouraged us to submit a report to the judge prior to this coming Thursday's hearing. So Stan and I put together a letter stating clearly our main concerns in regards to the possibility of Tali being placed with her birth mom. I emailed it in this morning. Please pray that the judge does indeed read the report and that he will seriously consider everything that we wrote. Pray that the Holy Spirit will move in his mind and heart and that he will move towards what GOD KNOWS is in Tali's best interest. Thanks guys! We'll let you know what happens on Thursday.

COURT NEXT WEEK

Hey Everyone,

Really quick, I wanted to let you know I found out today that our court date is ONE WEEK FROM TOMORROW. Thursday, April 16th, 10 am. Please, please be praying that Jesus will have HIS way, that Tali's BEST INTEREST will be the top goal of everyone involved (the judge, the DA, the Guardian Ad Lidem, etc.....). Also pray for peace for Stan and I, as these hearings are super taxing for us emotionally and spiritually.

We love you guys and will let you know what happens....

A Quick Update on Our Lives.... Finally

Hey all! Sorry it's been soooo long since I've written! It's been a busy season!

Here's what's goin' on:

-We're getting ready to move! We are sooo excited to be getting OUT of our 3rd floor apartment and into something with more room, and something that we don't have to walk up a gazillion stairs to get into! :) We are renting a townhome that's only about 5 minutes from where we live now. It's a total answer to prayer because we didn't want to be much further away from the neighborhood our church is in, and we were afraid we were going to have to go 15 minutes further south to find what we were looking for...but God is good and faithful and has provided us the perfect place! The backyard even backs up to a beautiful park with a playground - perfect for our (future) kiddos! :) We move the 18th and my mom is going to fly in this Saturday, the 11th, to help with Tali as we get ready to move. Thanks Mom!!!! :) We are so excited to have her come.

-As far as things with Tali go.... There isn't really any "official" new information. We have court again later this month (waiting to hear back from her caseworker on the exact date.). Will let you all know when I find out the date so you can be praying. I have no idea WHAT to expect this time. Every time we've been convinced we were going to lose her, we haven't.... and I've given up trying to figure out what direction things are going to go. On one hand, things are definitely becoming more difficult for us in this arena of our lives because we are so much more in love with this girl than before...and growing more so each day. She is so much fun and brings so much joy to our lives. She is 18 weeks, 2 days old today....she is laughing up a storm, talking, talking, talking....did I mention TALKING? She has lots to say. :) Unfortunately we can't understand most of it at this point... but she's definitely expressing herself! :) So much fun. She's started rolling over (front to back) and is beginning to have some control of her hands. She pulled my hair for the first time yesterday - lol! :D She's such a fun baby. The more in love with her we fall, the more our hearts are on the line...and the more we are forced to press into Jesus and choose to trust Him to take care of her, and to take care of our hearts in this process. We could not walk through all of this apart from Him. His grace sustains us. We are so thankful. Pray for us as we continue to lean on Him... We are continuing to ask the Lord daily for Tali, and yet, we want whatever outcome will bring HIM glory. We know that THAT is the outcome that will ultimately be what is best for her and for us as well. For now, we cherish these moments that we have with her....and hold onto Jesus for dear life.

- We have just finished the first quarter of our leadership training class through our church... We have LOVED it. We read through 2 books by A.W. Tozer: Knowledge of the Holy (which I quoted from in a previous post), and The Pursuit of God. These are excellent and if you haven't read them, I HIGHLY recommend them. Get a hold of them if you can.

-I can't remember if I've mentioned this before, but our church is divided up into house churches that meet in homes during the week. Our house church meets on Thursday nights and we have been having a great time digging deep into the Word together (We're doing the One Year Bible reading plan together), as well as exploring strategies for simplifying the way that new house churches are started so that they can be reproduced in other cities and other nations. It's been a fun and exciting season.

Okay... I think that's the gist of our lives at this point... Life is GOOD, and God is so faithful. We are enjoying Him, one another, Tali (of course!), our natural and spiritual families, and our friends. Oh, and Settlers of Catan. It's become a regular part of our community life with our church family. :) Fun times!!

Thanks to all of you for being our friends and for caring about our journey. We love you and appreciate your prayers more than we can say....and...we'll keep ya posted. :)

PS - Stay tuned for pics of the new place in a few weeks. :) I'll be sure and post them once we get moved in and get it set up.

Oh How He Knows... and LOVES... Us!

Hey friends and fam,

I wanted to share with you a quote that knocked my socks off when I read it this morning. We're taking a leadership training class through our church here and so we're reading 2 books by Tozer. Can I just say, GOOD STUFF?! We're loving it. God's teaching us so much; His Spirit is changing us from the inside out. This is not just head knowledge, but heart-transforming revelations of who He is and how He loves us. Anyway, here you go:

This is from The Knowledge of the Holy by A.W. Tozer:

"And to us who have fled for refuge to lay hold upon the hope that is set before us in the gospel, how unutterably sweet is the knowledge that our Heavenly Father knows us completely....... No unsuspected weakness in our characters can come to light to turn God away from us, since He knew us utterly before we knew Him and called us to Himself in the full knowledge of everything that was against us. 'For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but My kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee.'"

There ya go! Nothing can snatch us out of God's hand. He knows us through and through and loves us deeply, down to the deepest, most hidden parts of us. Does He LIKE our sin? No - He hates anything that keeps us from true fellowship with Him...but it's out of desire for deep relationship with us that He calls us out of our sin and into holy living. No failure or weakness or sinful desire inside of us can ever surprise Him or repel Him. Before we were even in our mother's womb He knew every part of us, everything we would ever think, feel, speak, and do, and He chose to love us. How freeing!!! Kind of kicks condemnation and false guilt in the butt, huh?!

I was so struck by this that I just had to share....

Love to you all. May you encounter HIS love for you in new ways today.

Dear ones! Sorry it's been forever since I've written! The main reason for my lack of communication...is that there hasn't been much new news that's needed to be communicated. We do still have our sweet girl... She's getting bigger - laughing is her newest thing. She thinks Stan is HILARIOUS.... Me? Not quite so funny. Ah well.... I love that she laughs at him. :) It's so cute. Stan is amazing - all the crazy things he'll do to make her laugh... :)

Anyway... the only real news at this point is that we still don't know what's going to happen. Tali's birth mom has gotten a job....but it's a night job making minimum wage....and we don't know if the court is going to decide that this is adequate employment in order for her to have custody of her daughter or not. She has a lot to figure out in the way of nighttime childcare, how to pay for it, etc, etc. Stan and I are, of course, concerned about her schedule, how it will be affected by her mom's work hours, and about the fact that her mom will come home from work exhausted and need rest right when Tali's waking up for the day. :( I don't like that. But, we've expressed all of our concerns to her caseworker, and to others, and they share our questions. So basically, it's still a waiting game.... We have court again sometime in April (can't remember exact date right now).

I have to run, but wanted y'all to know I haven't fallen off the face of the earth....We are still here and doing well and loving Tali to bits for the time that God allows us to have her....and trusting Him and holding on for dear life.

We love you guys... Thanks for your continued prayers....

Court Today....

We had court this morning for Tali's case. Thanks so much to all of you who wrote to let me know you were praying.... we have an amazing support system in our friends and family. Thanks, guys.

I'll give you my perspective our situation based on the information that I learned today. Basically, if all goes as it looks (almost certainly) like it will go, Tali will be going home with her birth mom in the relatively near future. In the last couple of weeks, she has begun to really take initiative to get her "stuff" together to complete the requirements laid out for her by the court and by her case plan. She still has a little ways to go, but if she continues on this track, my guess is that she'll have custody of Tali within 4-6 weeks. The recommendations of the gal that I know who's the Court Services Officer, the DA, the case worker, the guardian ad lidem (a court-appointed attorney for Tali), etc...are all on the same page...and they all feel that Tali's mom should be given a chance to parent her, to start with a clean slate. Apparently they've done their investigations and have found more people who know her (pastor, therapist, old case workers, etc.....) that feel like she IS a fit parent, than those who think she's not. And my guess is that the "she is a fit parent" opinions are based on newer information than the others.

So, bottom line, if things keep going the way that it looks like they'll go, Tali will not be ours permanently.

We are very sad.... I have cried lots this afternoon.... and yet, we both have lots of peace at the same time. We also know, even in the midst of our grief that is based on how things look NOW, that God is very BIG and He WILL have His way in this little one's life, and in our lives. We are praying now that if there are things in regards to the birth mom or her current lifestyle that need to be brought into the light that have not been revealed yet, that this will happen quickly. God is capable of turning this entire thing around in an instant. So we are asking Him to have His way, to let nothing stand in the way of His best for Tali's life...whichever outcome that ends up being. And we are trusting Him to continue to carry us and hold our hearts through this process. He is a GOOD Father, completely worthy of our trust....and He equips us for that which He asks of us....so we can do ALL things through Him who is our strength....and His strength is made perfect in our weakness....so to JESUS be the glory in all of this, no matter what happens.

We love you guys and are thankful for you....and as always, we'll keep ya posted.

A quick update

Hey everyone... Not much new news at this point, but wanted to fill you in on the little stuff. :) Tali was 7 weeks old yesterday and is doing great.... Constipation issues still....but even that is getting a little better with some help from Miralax. (Only once every 3-4 days, per dr.'s orders.) Otherwise, she's a completely normal, happy, easy going baby.... smiling up a storm now, which is soooo much fun for us!! I love watching her and Stan interact...he does such a great job with her, engaging her, making her smile, even laugh (sort of). :) She is such a blast. Her nicknames have developed and taken on a life of their own.... Tali-girl, Tali-bug, little bug, Tali-bugaboo...Bugabooyah...oh wow....we are kinda nuts. :) We pretty much adore her and are loving every minute with her.

In other news: I have heard from my court services officer friend that she thinks that Tali's birth mom could have her placed with her as soon as the end of February (?!?!)....while her case worker doesn't understand how on Earth that could happen because her birth mom is not showing much motivation at all to get her stuff together (i.e. get a job, get into parenting classes, get her legal issues resolved, etc...) in order to get Tali back. Her caseworker also says that usually in cases where the parent's rights have already been terminated on one or more kids, the judge doesn't often give them as long the 2nd and 3rd (and 7th!) time around to get their "act" together. So we kind of have 2 conflicting opinions that have been presented to us on what could happen in the coming weeks and months.... which is kind of a tough spot for us to be in - not even knowing which direction to lean in what we think will happen.

HOWEVER... We are hanging onto the Lord....Pressing into Him in the moments when it feels like our hearts are being tossed to and fro by the craziness of all of this, and really finding ourselves being sustained by Him. When we look logically at how totally AT RISK our hearts are in this, and then we step back and look at how much peace we have had, and continue to have, through it all, we can only give glory to Jesus for keeping us at rest in His perfect love that casts out all fear. We are so thankful for His grace that is carrying us through.

On Jan. 30, Tali and her mom have a court date, which I will attend. Not sure what all will be decided, but I will, I'm sure, post an update that afternoon to fill you all in on what happens.

OH! I almost forgot: here's a quick, specific prayer request:
**PRAY THAT GOD WILL REMIND THE JUDGE ON TALI'S CASE OF HER IN THESE NEXT COUPLE WEEKS. PRAY THAT HE WON'T DECIDE TO JUST CLOSE TALI'S CASE BECAUSE "IT SHOULD HAVE GONE TO MISSOURI...SO I'M NOT GONNA DEAL WITH THIS ANY LONGER THAN I HAVE TO." PRAY THAT HIS HEART WILL BE BURDENED FOR HER LONG TERM SAFETY AND WELL-BEING AND THAT HE WILL FIGHT FOR WHAT IS REALLY IN HER BEST INTREST, AND NOT JUST QUICKLY DISMISS HER CASE.**

Thanks so much for your continued love and support and prayers (and prayers, and prayers, and prayers.... :) )

Oh, if you wanna see pics of our beautiful girl, drop me an email. :)

Love to all!

HUGE Hurdle Overcome!!! Come On Jesus!! :)

We are SO EXCITED!! Check this out:
About 20 minutes ago I got a phone call from our family services worker who was at court this morning for another case. She ran into the KS District Attorney who told her that Tali's case is.... (drumroll, please.....) DEFINITELY STAYING IN KANSAS!!!

WOOOOOHOOOOOOOO! This is HUGE. This means that as long as Tali is in foster care, we will get to have her. (So very likely, for at least the next 6 months.) It also gives her birth mom time to make decisions, to either get on the ball and get all of the things she would need to get done in order to have Tali back, DONE, or to decide to relinquish her rights to Tali so that we can adopt her.

Sooooo, this is awesome and we are psyched!! Keep praying for God to have His way in this little one's life!

Love y'all!

Pics Of the Adorable New Addition to Our Fam :)

Doesn't Paige look awesome?!

Sigh.... I'm in love already! Thanks to all you guys for sharing in our joy!

We Have A Nephew!!!

Welcome William Paul Kiser! 6 lbs, 10 oz, dark blonde hair. 4:20 (I think) this afternoon. 26 hours of labor (Go Paige!!) and he's finally here! I am so excited and so proud of Aaron and Paige! I will post pics as soon as I have them. Thanks to those who prayed thru the looong labor!